Don't Wait Till the Last Minute!

Here at the studio we typically help 5 to 10 couples a week prepare for their Wedding dance.

You might be surprised that almost half of all couples wait till the last minute to prepare.  Someone actually wrote a book about all the mishaps various couples encountered during their journey to the altar. One chapter was titled, "The One Thing I Would Have Done Differently Then Knowing What I Know Now!"

Take a guess what the single most common thing mentioned?  They said,
"Take Dance Lessons" or "Start My Dance Lessons earlier!"

At the end of the chapter, this passage was added:

"A glance at the message boards from several wedding sites available on the Internet offers this interesting fact.  In response to the question "What Would You Have Done Differently at Your Wedding?", at one site there were 427 responses and 207 included "we should have taken dance lessons." This conclusion was usually reached after the couples viewed their own wedding video or attended another wedding where the couple did take lessons.

(RA's apology - the article quoted above was written up in Dance USA magazine which I can't find. I saved the quote, but forgot to add the name of the book. Please forgive; you have my word that the quote is not something I made up.)

As the result of waiting till the last-minute, I will be honest and say some of my students have been thrown to the wolves. If a man has little prior experience at partner dancing and he has ONE LESSON to prepare, there is just so much that can be accomplished.

More than one unprepared couple has come back to me and reported how much they wished they could fast-forward the song to the finish!  "I thought that song would never end."

Plus dancing the same thing gets old quickly.

The spectators are always polite, but even their patience has a limit.  Yes, of course there is warmth and applause no matter how simple the dance is, but about 30 seconds after watching a couple stand there doing little more than rock back and forth in each other's arms, the thought crosses one's mind, "How much longer do I have to watch this?  

With everyone watching and of course the videotape camera running, every wedding couple wants to shine in a situation like this.

So there are always two concerns:  How can we look good?  How can we avoid embarrassing ourselves.  And the question gets asked, "How far ahead should someone start?" 

The experts say six months, but it can be done quicker than that. The single most important variable is how much previous dancing the Groom has done.

Let me be honest and say the easiest guys to teach are the men who have been taking group dance lessons ahead of time.  Maybe they were taking lessons to be able to dance for the fun of it to the band or DJ at the Wedding Reception.  Then one day they say they need to get ready for the First Dance.  One hour is all these guys will probably need.

But this happens one time in ten. The other nine couples have little or no experience. For this situation, I say two, maybe three lessons may be needed.

How to prepare for a Wedding Dance

Step One:  Email us to set up an appointment  dance@ssqq.com

Most of our lessons are done at 6 pm weekday evenings, but we can be flexible. The one thing you can't do is just show up. You need to make an appointment so email us.  As an example I have listed 20 emails, 10 from May/June 2003 and 10 more from May/June 2005.

1. "I would like to sign up my fiancé and I for a private Beginning Western Waltz lesson. Our wedding is May 23, 2003 and we have procrastinated long enough. I can be contacted at either of the numbers below or via this e-mail address."

2. "I would like some more information on the private dance lessons offered by your company.  My fiancé and I would like to get ready for an upcoming June wedding. We have no dance experience. We would like to learn a "first dance" for the wedding, and basic dancing for contemporary and or country western dance music. We will not know the list of dance music until a month before the wedding so any songs we learn to dance to we can add to their list.

We would appreciate help in selecting a first dance based on your experience on what we can learn in time. We also have a complicated work schedule in which we work half days and half nights and every other weekend. Every week our schedule flips. Consequently, we probably need a flexible instructor who can meet with us on different nights or mornings of the week or weekends.

Thanks for your help, Elizabeth"

3. "I need to schedule a time to come in for private lessons. We are getting married 5/24... yes less than 2 weeks and my fiancé needs help getting through the first dance."

4. "My fiancée and I are getting married on Saturday, July 5th, and would actually like to "dance" at our wedding. Private dance lessons sound like a good way to go, and I know a couple that used your studios a few years ago before their wedding. What is the availability of private lessons during the week or on weekends? How many lessons are recommended? Is the rate ($50) quoted on the Internet correct? Is that rate per hour?" (YES, $50 IS THE RATE)

5. "I am inquiring about a private lesson for me and my fiancée. We would like something similar to the slow dance and romance class. I understand the cost is $50. How long is the lesson and when would it be available?" (LESSONS ARE ONE HOUR LONG)

6. "My finance and I are interested in taking a couple of private dance lesson. Neither one of us is a very good dancer. Since our schedules change from week to week it's hard to make the group classes. My finance's sister is getting married at the end of this month so we'd like to try & schedule at least one possible 2 lessons before than."

7. "We are leaving town for our son's wedding on July 17th. We thought that we would be able to do a crash course in two step and ballroom dancing before the wedding. Any suggestions? Your group class schedule does not allow what we need."

8. "The reason I am contacting you is this: I am going to be married in August and my fiancée and I would like to be able to dance together properly (instead of her dancing and me shuffling my feet around) for our first dance as husband and wife. Can you help?"

9. "I'm getting married July 19 and me and my fiancé (who are both procrastinators) were wondering if there was any chance to get a private lesson. Our main interest is practicing for the first dance but we could also use some general pointers. Also, is it too late to sign up for this Saturday's crash course? Thanks a ton."

10. "My fiancé, Bill Blum, and I are interested in private lessons. We have completed advanced swing and wish to move on to Lindy Hop. The ultimate goal is also to add more advanced swing moves and be able to mix it all up. Thanks a lot. BTW - Bill and I met at SSQQ!!   Ellen Chapman"
……………
 

As I mentioned, the 10 emails above were all sent in during May and June 2003. Now here are 10 more from 2005:

11. "Hi,  Dick and I are getting married November 4. We'd like to learn to waltz, two step, and generally not make fools of ourselves. I don't mind taking group lessons, but I don't see beginning waltz on the schedule, and we don't have a lot of time. Would you suggest private lessons? If so, where, when, and how much?

Thanks, Candice"

12. "Hello!  I am looking to set up a private lesson to prepare us for our wedding. We are looking to learn a waltz or something along those lines. If you could let me know if you have any available times before June 30th and the cost, I would greatly appreciate it!

Thank you!  Erika"

13. "I am interested in taking dance lessons with my fiancé we only have 7 weeks until our wedding is this enough time, and tell me more about pricing and days and how this all works because I am new to all of this. We can not do weekends we both work and are off Monday and Tuesdays together during the week is this possible please let us know thank you Sincerely Jennifer"

14. "Hi, My fiancé and I are interested in private dancing lessons for our upcoming wedding. Could you please let me know the availability and pricing?

Thank you!   Petra"

15. "I am interested in organizing private dance lessons prior to my daughter's wedding on March 26 of this year. The students would be my husband and me, my daughter and her fiance. Please send me any information that you have on private lessons such as these, or, if you think that it is more efficient to speak on the telephone (I do . . . ), call me at 713-xxx-xxxx. I am looking forward to talking to you, and to starting our lessons!   Dorothy"

16. "Hello Rick,  I have taken many swing dancing lessons at your studios…and really enjoyed them. Unfortunately, I haven’t been in a few years and my fiancé has not been at all! We are getting married in 2 weeks…is it too late to come in for a private lesson or two?

We love Big Band music and will have Ronnie Renfrow’s 18 piece orch at our reception….how bout some lessons to dance to our song “Fly Me to the Moon”…(he’s a NASA engineer).

Hoping to hear from you.  Thx, Janet"

17. "Hi, I have a question for you. My fiance and I are getting married at the end of May. We definitely need a few pointers - we are going to have the traditional slow dance, but the music at our wedding will mostly be Sinatra-ish. What classes do you recommend (directly through the studio AND Leisure Learning.)

Thanks so much!  Jennifer"

18. "My fiancé and I will get married on March 12, 2005 and would like to take a few lessons in waltzing. Do you have a class that is specifically for that? If so, could you give me information about cost, class size, schedule, etc..?

Thanks!  Heather"

19. "I am getting married this weekend and my father has just now expressed interest in having a 1 hour private lesson to practice our father/daughter dance. I know this is very last minute, but was wondering if you all had an opening tomorrow at 3, 4, or 5pm. Or sometime Thursday afternoon or evening. The song is "What a Wonderful World" by Louie Armstrong.

Sincerely, Laura"
 
20.  "Hi there,  My finace and I have just moved across the country and are getting married in Austin, TX next Saturday.

We are in Houston until Wednesday AM. Is there ANY time between now, and Wed. morning to take a quick dance lesson for our wedding "first dance". I was a dancer for 17 years...however, my fiance "has just discovered he had feet" so to speak. We really need some help here.

Songs to chose from: Al Green - Let's Stay Together, or
Mel Torme - The Best is Yet to Come (Most Likely)

Please call me on my cell phone as soon as you can to see if we can schedule a crash wedding dance course. Thank you very much.

Kind regards, Staci"

As I reviewed the letters, I discovered that almost no one knows how to spell "fiancé".  Or perhaps their computers didn't allow them to insert that weird symbol over the 'e'.   I went ahead and ran spell check on everyone's mangled variations of 'fiancé' to prepare for this article. Thank goodness my computer added that little accent for me automatically!

 The lady in number 20 spelled it "finace". That was an odd one. 

My favorite misspelled version of the word was the lady who referred to her "finance" twice in her letter.  A Freudian Slip perhaps?   

Now I have a question for you.  Go back and review emails 11 through 20. What does every email have in common?  If you don't figure it out yourself I will give you the answer a few paragraphs further below.

Step Two: Pick a Teacher

Marla Archer teaches most of our private lessons for weddings.  Linda Cook and I teach the rest. As you might gather, the three of us do a thriving business!

Marla estimates she teaches 5 private Wedding dance lessons a week. With this much experience, Marla has made a few discoveries of her own.

For one thing, she has learned first-hand most couples are terrible procrastinators!!  Marla said half her clients try to prepare for their weddings two weeks or less ahead of the wedding. One couple emailed on Wednesday for a lesson - their wedding was on Saturday. Fortunately all the worried people are greatly relieved to find Marla can teach them enough to get through the wedding dance in one, two or three lessons. The average is two lessons per couple. ($100 if you don't have your calculator handy)

Another thing Marla discovered is that the women seem to take care of most of the pre-wedding details.  As an example, did you notice that every email 11 through 20 was signed by a woman?   Men seem to automatically delegate this chore and many others to their ladies. 

Marla and I got married on the Rhapsody Cruise ship in September 2004. Take a guess who handled all the details?  Marla did, of course.  And she did a great job!


Step Three: Pick a Song!

Once you have your appointment set up, now you need to pick your song.  The song determines what dance you will use. Many people don't have a clue what dance will work to the song they choose, but fortunately there is always some dance that will fill the bill nicely.

Over the years, the following dances have been used for the Wedding Dance. I have listed them in order of frequency.

1. Slow Dance  (40%)
2. Foxtrot  (30%)
3. Twostep (10%)
4. Waltz   (5%)
5. Swing   (5%)
6. Polka  (2%)
7. Night Club  (2%)
8. Tango  (2%)
9. Salsa  (2%)

SLOW DANCE

Marla agreed with me that most couples dance a Slow Dance.  

Slow Dance favorites include
"At Last" by Etta James
"Unforgettable" by Nat and Natalie Cole
Sam Cooke's "Only You"
Percy Sledge "When a Man Loves a Woman"
"This Guy's in Love" by Herb Alpert
"What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
"How Sweet it is" by James Taylor
"Falling in Love with You" by Elvis Presley
"Because You Love Me" by Celine Dion
"I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders
"You and Me" by Lighthouse

I asked Marla about "Inna Gadda Da Vida" and "Stairway to Heaven", my personal favorite Slow Dance standards. Sadly she couldn't recall anyone using either of those two. I guess couples in love have no sense of humor.


FOXTROT

When it comes to Foxtrot, Frank Sinatra is VERY popular, especially his song "The Way You Look Tonight". Good choice. Classy song, great lyrics. Another popular artist is Harry Connick, Jr ("It Had to Be You").  Not long ago we trained a couple that danced a Foxtrot to "More" by Bobby Darin. 

Other songs we have seen used for Wedding Dances:

"Can't Take My Eyes off of You" by Frankie Valli
"Just in Time" by Frank Sinatra
"L.o.v.e" by Nat King Cole

Another excellent Foxtrot choice that has been danced to several times is Van Morrison's very sexy tune "Moondance" ("Well it's a Marvelous Night for a Moon Dance With the Stars Above in Your Eyes... It's a Fantabulous Night to Make Romance Beneath the Cover of October Skies!") 

WESTERN MUSIC

Western Music is used a lot more often than you might guess. Linda Rooks, a wonderful lady who worked for us and met her future husband here at the studio, danced a Twostep with her husband Rad Decker to "The First Step is the Twostep" by Tracy Byrd.   Like Linda Rooks, another lady who once worked for us - Amelia Bedelia Cate - met her future husband Brian Olsen here at the studio.  (In case you haven't already figured this out, the quickest way to get married on earth is to become an SSQQ instructor).  Amelia and Brian danced a Polka at their wedding to "The Bluest Eyes in Texas". I remember my 4-year old daughter Samantha was mesmerized as they danced by. I had never seen her so transfixed. I thought to myself, 'Maybe we have a budding dance teacher in the family!!'  I asked Sam afterwards if she loved the dancing. "No, Daddy, but I really liked how Amelia's dress looked when she turned!!"
 

Foxtrot is good and so is Slow Dance. But honestly speaking no other dance comes close to capturing  everyone's imagination than Waltz with its graceful, floating style. 

However you might be surprised to discover that Waltz is almost never used for the First Dance.  I estimate one in twenty couples actually end up dancing a Waltz.

Now how could this be?  Everyone assumes a Waltz, the beautiful and romantic dance of all, will be the first dance at the wedding, right?  Wrong. I rarely see anyone try a Waltz. 

So why not?  Why isn't Waltz ever used?  There are two reasons.

PROBLEM 2: PEOPLE WAIT TILL THE LAST MINUTE

First, Waltz is very technical. A strong sense of rhythm and a deep understanding of the complicated footwork is necessary. A dance this difficult requires a long preparation time and many lessons. As we know, most people wait till the last minute.  With time running out, the result is they have no choice but to opt for an easier dance. 

Not everyone waits till the last minute. In November 2003 SSQQ instructor Vicki Bernard and her fiancé Johnny Smith danced a show-stopping Waltz at their wedding. It was not just a wedding dance, it was a performance.  People were so amazed they stood up and clapped!!  They never seen such fine dancing done live in their entire lives. 

Vicki had a huge edge: she had been a Waltz assistant for two years!  She knew just what she was up against. So when she and Johnny got engaged, the two of them actually sat down and worked out their wedding dance plans. Johnny began by taking Sharon Crawford's amazing Western Waltz course for 5 months in preparation to Waltz at their November wedding. Then every Wednesday night after class he and Vicki practiced down in Room 4 for at least 30 minutes.

During this time, Vicki assisted in the Sunday night Western Waltz class as well and Johnny took the class just for extra practice.  I watched them over a period of six months. I can say beyond a doubt that Vicki and Johnny prepared more thoroughly for their First Dance than any couple I have ever known!!

So the girl is a ringer and the boy has game.  You would expect them to be confident, yes? 'Hey man, No Sweat! Piece of cake, Dude.' 

This was not the case. I asked both of them how they felt as the wedding date approached.  Johnny said before the dance he was scared out of his wits. Vicki said she was extremely nervous!  Is there any hope for the rest of us?

Considering how extensive Johnny and Vicki's preparation was, I expected an attitude verging on cocky.  Instead when I asked about their upcoming dance, I was taken aback at their response. Both of them hinted that they need more patterns, more polish, and more practice. Waltz footwork is fast and intricate. The possibility of a mistake is very real. For example, what if Vicki tripped on her dress??  This has actually happened in several wedding dances (where do you think the term "dress rehearsal" comes from?)  Only someone like Stephen King would write a horror story with a thought this disturbing!

So now we know why so few people Waltz at their wedding - it may be beautiful, but it is also much too difficult for the average dancer. If the pros are worried, what hope is there for the rest of us?

PROBLEM 2: NO ONE KNOWS WHERE TO FIND A GOOD WALTZ TO DANCE TO

Besides the difficulty of the Waltz, there is another important reason this dance is rarely used at weddings.  Most people are at a loss to even name a Waltz song.  The most famous Waltz I can think of is Anne Murray's romantic Waltz classic "Could I Have This Dance for the Rest of My Life?"   Marla and I have never seen this song used.  Another famous Waltz is the "Godfather Waltz" from the movie. Somehow this classic tune might give the wrong impression. Another very romantic Waltz is "Open Arms" by Journey if you are looking for a suggestion.

The point is, how are you going to dance a Waltz if you can't even find a song?  If you want to dance a Waltz at your wedding, there are three ways to find a good song.

One place to start looking is Ballroom dance music. For example, Marla and I danced a Waltz at our wedding. We danced to a Waltz instrumental of the Romeo and Juliet classic "A Time for Us".  Great song. It was beautiful and had the perfect tempo. I found it in a compilation of Ballroom dance music.  I have several others like it. You can always ask to listen to our selection of Ballroom Waltz music.

One of the great undiscovered sources for beautiful Waltz music is in the Irish and Celtic traditions. As everyone is well aware, the Irish have a great affinity for moody, haunting songs. Much of Enya's music is beautiful, yet weird and vaguely unsettling at times. Every Christmas some new Irish or Celtic CD comes out. Invariably each CD has one or two of the most beautiful Waltzes imaginable. You are welcome to listen to our selection of Irish/Celtic Waltzes. 

The easiest place to look is Western music. There are many beautiful, romantic Waltzes in Western albums. George Strait has several as does Garth Brooks, Alan Jackson and Reba McEntire.

Unlike most Irish Waltzes or Ballroom Waltzes, Western Waltz music lays a trap for you!  Western Waltz music actually has LYRICS.  You better be careful you listen to the lyrics once or twice ahead of time.

I remember teaching Waltz in private lessons to one couple back in the eighties. They never brought any music so I played whatever I had on hand. One song I played a lot while they practiced was one of my personal Waltz favorites called "You Look So Good In Love" by George Strait.

The couple invited me to their wedding. I had no idea what song they intended to dance to because the topic was never discussed. Can you imagine my shock when the familiar strains of "Look So Good in Love" began?

Yes, the title of the song is very romantic, but when you listen to the lyrics you realize the song is actually about a couple who broke up and went their separate ways. Now the woman has found a new man. One night the former lover sees them dancing together out on the dance floor of the local western club. He cringes in despair as he realizes how happy the new couple appears. They smile and beam as they dance beautifully together across the floor while the singer of the song wallows in regret.  The song is definitely a bittersweet tale as the man cries in his beer.

An old joke is what happens when you play Western music backwards?  You get your job back, your truck back, or your girlfriend back... that line definitely applied to this song... he wanted her back real bad!  You could the pain all through his voice.

Didn't either of them ever bother to listen to the words!?!  What were they thinking!?!  My face turned red when I realized they had chosen that song for their wedding dance because I had played it for them during their lessons!!  What if someone told them what the song really was saying?  At the reception I was scared to death that I would somehow end up taking the fall for their poor choice. "My teacher recommended it and there he is!  Go tell him what you think about our song boo hoo hoo!"

Fortunately my catastrophic fantasy didn't come to pass. At the reception I didn't hear one person say a word about the odd choice in song.  Apparently no one else listened to the words either. Good grief. I didn't see any point in being a spoilsport so I kept it to myself.

The bride walked past and asked, "How did we do?!!"
"Just great!!" I replied.
"Wasn't that a great song?"
"It was perfect!!"


SWING MUSIC

There is the occasional off-the-beaten path song choice. Marla recently prepared a couple to dance Swing to another sexy Van Morrison song "Brown Eyed Girl".

In early 2005 we had a couple named Kathy and Philip Ritchie) who danced Swing at their wedding. Kathy was twirling around the floor with the huge gown and all. I have no idea how she managed to succeed, but I have the picture to prove it. 

Night Club is an option similar to Waltz in that it is an ideal dance for a wedding if you are an experienced dancer ahead of time.

Following the longtime SSQQ tradition of finding your future husband or wife at the studio, legendary SSQQ instructor Sharon Crawford and her husband Bill Shaw were no exception.  They met through the studio and fell in love. Due their strong dance background, Bill and Sharon danced a romantic Night Club at their March 2005 Wedding to a romantic Western slow dance song.  I was very impressed with their dancing and thought they looked terrific together out on the floor.

Night Club is a highly sophisticated form of Slow Dancing based on the Latin dance Bolero that is an option for advanced dancers. Like the Waltz, you need to plan ahead. Private lessons will always help, but I recommend you take the group class first.  Bill and Sharon's lovely dance made it clear that Night Club is a great option at a wedding.


Tango is an excellent possibility. One couple learned to Tango to "Ecstasy". That brought a smile to my face.  Tango is a real eye-catcher to be sure, but a little on the racy side.  Tango music reminds me more of "passion", but Romance can be found in all types of music.

Once we spent several lessons teaching a couple from the studio how to dance Salsa to Rosemary Clooney's song "Mambo Italiano". Somehow it seemed to be an odd choice for a wedding song, but it's what they wanted. And apparently they had fun because they came back for group lessons after the honeymoon with nothing but smiles!

No one has ever tried a Rumba to my knowledge, but this beautiful Latin dance of Romance would be perfect if anyone found a sultry slow jazz song with a Latin beat.

Any woman dancing to Diane Krall's sexy rendition of "The Look of Love" would have every guy in the house mesmerized, I promise. But then maybe that isn't the right idea, is it?  Or maybe it is!

As a last word, if you can't pick a song yourself, you are always welcome to ask Marla, Linda, or I for suggestions.  We will turn on the Jukebox and let you listen to our extensive collection of songs. If you like one of our songs, we can make a copy of it for you on the spot.


Step Four: Learn to Dance

After you pick your song, now you have to learn the dance that goes to it.

At this point Marla has her Wedding Dance preparation down pat. If the couple wants to Slow Dance, she has a set pattern ending with a dramatic Oversway for the Grand Finale.

If the song is a Foxtrot, she usually teaches a form of Foxtrot known as "Box Fox". She gives them a memorized set of 4 patterns and has them repeat the cycle three times in the song. Like any good sandwich, you need two slices of bread around the peanut butter. With that in mind, Marla often teaches an intro where the groom goes out on the floor first, then the bride makes a big entrance to thunderous applause. She gracefully walks around her new husband a couple times, presents herself into his arms, and hopefully begin to dance somewhere close to the start of the song.  If the couple is particularly ambitious, in the middle of the song, the couple executes a lunge or a simple dip, then add a more dramatic dip to finish the dance. Ta da!!

So how good do you have to be?

Most people suffer under a huge misconception they have to be awesome at the first dance. I have found this to be untrue. America is not a nation of dancers and therefore we set the bar pretty low for wedding dances. Couples get 5 points out of 10 right off the bat for getting out there on Pass/Fall basis. If they just manage to stand up for the entire song,they Pass.  

Each couple will get 2 more points if they both can smile at each other through the entire song. This is no easy feat considering how nervous some of these people are!

And if the couple can actually dance a lick, they can earn 3 more points for artistic merit. Given how little time most couples devote to preparing for their wedding dance (2 one-hour private lessons is the norm) I usually have them concentrate just as much on smiling as on their footwork.

A good smile can go a long way!  If the couple demonstrates to the world the joy of dancing in each other's arms, very few people care less how good their dancing is.  

I may be a dance instructor, but even I would prefer to watch a couple who look happy together shuffle around and stumble a couple times than watch a couple who can actually dance but look too serious or nervous.  Most people are so delighted for the wedding couple that any actual show of rhythm and style is icing on the cake.  Very few guests actually expect a show like Vicki and Johnny put on with their Waltz exhibition.

That said, all Wedding Couples have a strong desire to show a sense of Style on the floor.  Deep down every couple wants to put on a good Show.  I am only saying it is counter-productive if a couple worries so much about the footwork that they forget about that 'Look Happy' angle.  

As professions go, Wedding Dance teaching is pretty high on predictability and low on danger, but we have managed to have a few surprises along the way.

My favorite anecdote is the time former instructor Judy walked in for a one-on-one lesson with a prospective groom whose fiancée lived out of town. As she opened the door, instead of her solitary man, Judy was greeted by 10 people!

The participants ranged from the grandparents to cousins to aunts and uncles and somewhere in the mix were the bride and groom. Everyone spent the entire hour swapping partners. Quite intimidated at first, once they got going Judy found the group enthusiastic and attentive.

In particular Judy bonded with the grandfather - at the end of the lesson he tried to show her how to tap dance! As Granddad shuffle-ball-changed a step or two, he got a surprise of his own. He found out Tap is one of Judy's secret specialties. The next thing you knew, Judy and Granddad were tapping up a storm to the clapping hands of their audience!  The entire hour played like a scene from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"…

After the group left, Judy was curious how one person had grown to ten. Just then Linda Cook walked by. Apparently Judy and Linda had mixed up two different lessons. Linda was already at the studio when the solitary man showed up before Judy did. He walked over to Linda and announced he was ready for his lesson. Lost in her thoughts, Linda closed her book and stood up. She never gave it a second thought. With such assurance on the man's part, Linda assumed he had left his group behind and decided to take the lesson solo. Meanwhile Judy was in for a surprise!


Relax!  Take it Easy!!

As I said earlier, Marla has observed many times just how little the man knows about what is going on when it comes to the First Dance.  Wedding Planning and Pregnancy have one thing in common - the woman does 99% of the work in both situations. When it comes the dance lessons, the women usually pick the instructor and pick the music independent of the husband-to-be. Or if the guy actually does help pick the song, it turns out only the women know the words. The women are constantly reminding the men they better practice ahead of time. Marla has a hunch most guys would gladly let the woman lead if they had any choice in the matter at all.

For this reason, Marla has learned the KISS method is the safest strategy. She tries to put as little pressure on the men as possible because they always look so overwhelmed. Marla figures there is no particular advantage to five steps versus four or six steps versus five. After all, Artistic Merit only gets you three points at best. Marla firmly believes in keeping things simple simple simple.

Unfortunately the brides don't always catch on. Some women expect to be twirled around like Cinderella only to find out she might be lucky if her future husband can master a couple Step-Touch, Step-Touch, Walk Walk moves. Not often, but occasionally the ladies can be impatient. They expect the men to catch on faster than they do.

Women forget many men have never "partner danced" in their lives.

Overlooking this fact, they will embarrass the man by insisting Marla dance with him and 'straighten him out'. Rarely does this pressure accomplish anything positive. Usually he simply grows more tense than he already is. Worried, confused, and helpless to catch on any faster, out the window flies the 3 points for smiling.

It doesn't help that the more phobic the guy is, the longer the couple usually delays calling the Dance Doctor. At this point Marla functions more as a marriage counselor than a dance teacher. She goes into her "take a deep breath, calm down, let's start over" approach and things usually get back on track.

There is no graceful way to put this, but the more patient the lady is, the better the man does. Pressure has no place in learning to Slow Dance.

One more thing - if you do make a blunder in your wedding dance, don't cringe or lose your cool by frowning!  It is much better to laugh it off.  When Marla and I danced our Waltz, I lost my concentration and sped up. Realizing my mistake, I then hesitated a moment to start the next set of triple steps on the beat. It was a slight mistake, but Sharon Crawford, our reigning Waltz goddess who is recognized as one of the best Waltz teachers in Houston, caught the mistake and giggled.  No one else was sure we goofed till Sharon busted me, but then they caught on too.  Several people laughed.  I laughed right along with them. Big deal. 

I remember Johnny Carson once said some of his biggest laughs came after he made a clever ad lib at his own expense dealing with a joke that fell flat.  Sure enough, people smiled even more after I laughed off my mistake. Just remember the golden rule - smile, smile and smile some more!  Your crowd will love you!


Be Sure to Pick Your Music Ahead of Time if possible! 
And Don't be Afraid to Edit the Song.

Marla has a few suggestions for people who are getting ready for their Wedding Dance. Couples can save a lot of valuable time by picking their music before the private dance lesson and by bringing it with them. Marla can remember one couple who wasted over thirty minutes of private lesson time arguing about what dance/what song/what constituted a romantic song. Meanwhile Marla got paid to practice her tap dancing. Always pick your music ahead of time!!

One thing you should not worry about is the speed of the music. The tempo of the song is not important - there is always some form of Slow Dance or Foxtrot that will work for any speed.  What is important though is the length of the song.  Two minutes plus a few seconds is probably the perfect length. Three minutes should be the maximum length.

A simple trick is to ask the band or the DJ to fade the song at two and a half minutes, but in this modern era of computer technology, music editing is a much better bet than gambling on the DJ staying alert. Marla mentioned a couple who started their dip at a key point in the song where the DJ was supposed to start to fade, but the volume never changed. Uh oh. The groom literally had to gesture to a friend to poke the DJ in the ribs. Why leave this to chance??

I remember one couple who brought me the beautiful western slow dance classic "From This Moment" by Shania Twain. Gee whiz, the song ran four and a half minutes long!  And these guys knew four steps… and not very well.

I knew this couple was going to get hammered with nerves standing out there for four minutes doing the same four steps over and over and over again. I made a suggestion. Shorten the song.  Really?   Sure. I took the CD, fed the song into the studio computer, put it into a music editing program, snipped two minutes off, added a "fade", burned the edited song onto a new $2 CD and boom - they were set. The computer project took 10 minutes. Their gratitude was so overwhelming I wouldn't be surprised if one of their kids has my first name "Richard" as a middle name. Hope it isn't a girl.

When I taught a couple how to Foxtrot to the Bobby Darin song "More", I immediately felt the song was too fast for a Foxtrot. I made a suggestion: Why not let me slow it down?  I put the song on the computer and programmed it to slow the song down by 10 beats per minute. We continued to practice while the computer did its work. The slowed-down version sounded just fine and the tempo was perfect for a Foxtrot. Why not slow down a song or shorten it?   It is easy to do and very practical in my opinion. 


When is the best time to start to prepare?  

The advice is to put dance lessons in the "Wedding Timeline" at the earliest opportunity.  Regarding the article "How to Plan Your Wedding Dance" mentioned earlier, students were advised to start lessons up to six months ahead of the wedding date. 

Four to six months ahead is clearly the best time frame to allow the couple to prepare their dance in the least stressful atmosphere possible.  With less pressure and a chance to learn at a slower pace, the man might even find he likes dancing!  After a couple lessons, he might realize dancing isn't so difficult after all and perhaps he will even think about going out and try some dancing for the fun of it!  (Don't be cynical; stranger things have happened!)

A lot of people forget there is more to dancing at weddings than just the important first dance.  More than one couple who prepared strictly for the first dance has confided in me after the wedding was over that their one regret was not learning how to Swing dance or Twostep to the music at their wedding.  One lady wiped a tear from her eye and said she wished she had felt comfortable getting out and dancing to the great band they had hired.

So another huge advantage of starting early is the chance for the wedding couple time to learn how to partner dance to the music the band or DJ plays during the Reception in addition to the First Dance.

I don't want all brides to get their hopes up because dancing is clearly not for everyone.  But all men know they have an obligation to dance at their wedding, so seize the opportunity. The wedding countdown is the best chance you will EVER have to get your future husband into dance class.

Even if the Groom doesn't take the bait and fall in love with dancing, it is always a nice consolation to know he will at least dance well for the first dance. so they feel more relaxed and confident on the "Big Day".

However if dancing after the First Dance is not important, then one or two months should be plenty of lead time.  

Private lessons is not the only strategy here.  We have an excellent group class known as "Slow Dance and Romance".  I designed it myself to give couples eight hours of instruction and added a Practice Night after class to supplement the lessons.  If the couple indicates they have started far enough ahead of time, I always recommend the SSQQ "Slow Dance and Romance" class or our Ballroom Foxtrot class.  Group Classes are an excellent way to prepare for those who think ahead.

But like the Ants and the Grasshopper, not everyone thinks ahead.  After all, if it wasn't for the last minute, lots of things in life would never get done!  Let's face it, procrastination is part of human nature.

So what if you don't have six months?  What if you have three days?  Then the middle of the week will have to do in a pinch.  However don't be surprised if you are so nervous you will find "smiling" easier said than done.

Obviously the more lead time, the better because you will have a chance to practice and get your act down. I have heard several anecdotes about marathon hours of slow dancing on the carpet the night before the wedding. But even this cram session may prove difficult.  Wedding couples have so many commitments to juggle!  Don't be surprised if "night-before" social engagements make even this last-ditch effort impossible!

Final Thoughts

Gradual learning in a Group Class plus a little one-on-one at Practice Night afterwards always beats Learning at the last minute.  Plus a major drawback to private lessons is there is no place to practice after the lesson is over.  

Since Group Classes are only effective if you can take the entire month of classes before the wedding, waiting till the last minute means Private Lessons are usually your only choice. If the wedding date is tomorrow, who you gonna call?  Dancebusters!!

Pick your music ahead of time, figure out a way to get it under three minutes, email Marla to set up a lesson, and schedule some practice time for after the lesson. Depending on your dance experience, one to three Private Lessons and you should be ready for the Show.

Most important - Remember to smile. Both of you.  No matter how poorly you dance, if you can still your nerves enough to show your love for one another, no one will mind a bit. The heart will always be more important than the feet.

And for our final feature of the Wedding Dance Story, let's read about a couple who put all their energy into their first dance. Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Aubrey Smith!!

Over the past year I have taught Wedding Dance Lessons to 120 couples. I never dreamed so many people needed help learning to Waltz, Foxtrot and Slow Dance!

What I discovered is that the majority of couples who are getting married don’t have a clue when it comes to the “Lost Art” of Formal Dance. It turns out there are certain practical skills in life like the ability to change a tire, do CPR, or treat a snake bite that some people take the time to learn, but most people don’t. The ability to Formal Dance is a skill most Americans can avoid if they try hard enough, but there is ONE certain time in most people’s lives where this skill becomes very important.  

That’s where I come in.   It helps that it wasn’t so long ago that I was the bride myself.  Rick and I got married in September 2004. 

With that experience fresh in my memory, I can still relate to the desire to be Cinderella for my Prince Charming.  Isn’t that every girl’s fantasy? 

Ladies, admit it . . .You have fantasized about your Wedding Day since you were a small child. One of the important parts of that “dream” is your First Dance.  You want to glide across the dance floor with your handsome husband holding you in his arms while all your friends and family smile with pride and happiness.  This is YOUR DAY!!!!  I simply can’t think of any more important day other than maybe the birth of your children.  The First Dance is where it all gets started.

I wanted to be graceful when I danced my Wedding Dance.  As a result, Rick and I practiced several times a week for almost a year preparing for the First Dance. I intended to be ready!  As a result, I wasn't even remotely scared when it came time to dance in front of my family and friends.

Now in my capacity as a Wedding Dance teacher, I work with Wedding couples and frequently I have the pleasure to work with parents, siblings, and friends as well.  Working with the Wedding “Families” has been a source of great reward to me.  It is fun to bask in the powerful positive energy that surrounds this happy event. I really enjoy this unusual yet very special teaching responsibility. It is a privilege to be able to contribute to the success of such an important event.  

I think my students realize that I really care that they do well.  It seems as I get more teaching experience, they turn around and send their friends to me as well for their Wedding Dance.  As a result, I have been getting busier and busier.  

Not long ago, my increased schedule resulted in a very odd coincidence.  On Saturday, April 22^nd, I had the unusual experience of having 5 wedding couples get married on the same day!   In fact, I was so amazed that I decided to write this story. On Sunday, May 22^nd, I was drinking coffee and reading the Chronicle when my eyes focused on the picture of someone who seemed familiar.  Sure enough, one of my brides, Heidi Matthews, was featured in the Houston Chronicle.  Isn’t Heidi beautiful! 

I let out a shriek which led Rick to look up and ask what all the fuss was about. I pointed to Heidi’s picture and told him I had helped prepare Heidi and her husband Kenny Ewing for their First Dance.  He smiled and said he was proud of me. 

I carefully read the story below Heidi’s picture, which is how I noticed the April 22^nd date. That date sure seemed familiar for some reason.  So I went in my office and picked up my day planner.  I scanned the information I keep about each couple and noticed the date “April 22” kept appearing.

After I finished counting, I realized I had the names of FIVE couples who all got married on the same day!  I could not have been more proud! 

It is fun to know that I made a significant contribution to each couple on one of the most important days of their lives.

I went and told Rick that five different couples of mine had gotten married on the same day.  He said he was impressed. Then he suggested I write a story about it.  I thought about it for a minute and decided to do just that!