1. This is a FACT:
Two SSQQ instructors, both women, met their future husbands on the
Internet. Both women are very happily married.
The obvious conclusion is that Internet Dating can be
2. The second FACT
is that after reading some of our stories, you will realize a great deal
of caution is necessary.
- Let us begin
our tale with this personal ad.
The following ad appeared in a
recent Houston singles magazine:
"SBF" (single, black,
female) seeks Male companionship.
Age and ethnicity unimportant. I'm a young, svelte, good looking girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck,
hunting/camping/fishing trips. I love cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.
Rub me the right way and watch me respond.
I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only
what nature gave me. Kiss me
and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx
and ask for Daisy!"
turned out the phone number was the Humane
Society. Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador Retriever.
The Humane Society received 643 calls in the two
days the ad ran. Someone was playing a very stupid
And 643 men fell for it.
Sadly not one
of the 643 suitors asked Daisy out after learning the truth.
This is a true story.
- From The Miami Sun-Sentinel,
May 7, 2002
County (Fla.) librarian William Coday's online personal ad touts
his multilingualism, world travels, compassion, and love of
Keats and baroque music.
What his ad does not mention
is that he was
convicted of murdering his 1978 and 1997 girlfriends, both with
hammers, and that he is in jail awaiting a jury's decision
whether he gets death for the latter crime.
Mr. Coday claims to respond to as many as 100
inquiries a week about his personal ad.
The Heart is a Lonely
Internet is said to be the greatest
playground for sexual predators in the
History of Western Civilization.
You have no idea who you are really
talking to and whether they are telling
People make mistakes when they are
lonely. Their judgment is impaired and
their defenses aren't as strong.
Sometimes they take risks because they
get tired of waiting.
There are men (and women too) who
literally email 25 "prospects" a night.
The Internet is full of men who are
pursuing a dozen women simultaneously.
Worst of all, people can lie through
their teeth and it can be very difficult
for an honest person to weed out the
good from the bad. Here is an
simple example below:
looks for soul mate.
I am a college professor, widowed, with
grown children. I live in a small,
peyton-place like environment where it
is impossible to date without a hundred
eyes following my every movement.
As my wife was very popular before her
death, I feel extremely awkward "dating"
under the scrutiny of so many people.
My field of study is ancient
civilizations such as the culture of
India, China, and the Bible lands.
I love to read, I love animals, and I
love to take long walks in the forest
near my home and be near nature.
I am a pretty big guy. People ask me if
I played football when I was younger. I
am attractive in a "scholarly" way.
I am told I appear very distinguished in
a classroom setting.
But right now I have never been lonelier
in my entire life. I could use a
friend. I am seeking a
relationship with an intelligent,
sensitive woman - hopefully pleasant in
appearance - to share my life with."
(By the way, I wrote the personal ad myself. Took 5
minutes. I guess you get my point. Plus that's
my picture. Now you know what I look like naked. RA)
The Deceit Story: How One Man Used the
Internet to Lie.
(A True Story
told to Rick Archer by a former SSQQ Student)
Written in July 2002
One night in 2002
I was having a conversation with a woman
friend here at the studio. I had known her for several years
- she was a volunteer in one of our classes - and apparently
she trusted me enough to share a very private story.
The conversation began when she told me how much the studio
had helped her come out of a shell brought on by a bitter
experience. I asked her if she wanted to share the story
with me. She smiled ruefully and told me roughly what had
happened. You know me - I asked a couple questions.
The more she got into the story, the more interested I
became. So I suggested we sit down on a couch in Room 2. I
spent the entire Practice Night listening to her amazing
I have published this story with her permission. As an 2006
update, on a cheerful note let me add she is married now.
People do heal.
- The Case of the Mysterious Disappearance
This woman told
me a story about a man she met through Internet
After several exchanges of emails, they
had a phone conversation. That is when she realized he was
very intelligent and quite polished.
He turned out to be an airline pilot, very handsome, very sophisticated.
Besides being physically fit and
well-dressed in a preppie chambray and khaki shirts way, she
estimated his income at $100,000 a year. His stand-alone
home with its wide, rolling well-groomed lawn was absolutely
beautiful. It had to be worth easily a half a million.
The woman and the pilot began a romance that quickly flourished. It reached the point where two months into the relationship the man uttered the "L" word.
With that in mind, it came as a huge shock to the woman when the relationship fizzled just weeks later for no obvious reason.
They had finished making love. Moments
later he suddenly got up out of bed and muttered, "I can't
do this any more." The man acted weird and said
he had started to get cold feet. He
quickly dressed and left her house.
She was hurt and she was puzzled. They
had been seeing each other for three months and this was the
FIRST hint that anything was wrong! This made no
sense. She assumed he had gotten scared by the strength of
the relationship and would calm down in a couple days, but
this was not the case. She did not hear from him.
As the days went by, the woman racked her brains for some
sort of explanation. There had
been no fights, no lover's
quarrels, and no obvious problems. After
a week passed, the woman made several phone calls
and even wrote two letters.
He did respond to one of the phone calls. Over the phone he
told her he had decided he didn't think they
'clicked' well enough to take things any further. And
that was it. The man who said he was in love with her just one month earlier was
out of her life.
Sudden "disappearing acts" are of course the dangers of any romance, but
this abrupt 180 degree U-turn nevertheless left the woman hurt and confused. As she picked up the pieces, nothing made any sense.
Since she had been to his luxurious house
on several occasions, she knew where he lived. It was
actually fairly close to her home. For a while she would
drive by occasionally. There was never anyone home. Finally
she just shrugged her shoulders and decided to move on.
Chapter Two - A
Rarely do we get a chance to peek behind the scenes and see what is really going on in these situations, but this
particular story had
a second chapter.
By coincidence six months later the woman ran into
her former lover at a neighborhood grocery store parking lot.
She noticed he had an attractive woman
sitting in the passenger's side of his car.
The man was very excited to see her! Completely
ignoring his lady companion who was sitting in the car watching him, the man struck up an animated conversation right there in the parking lot.
Apparently the spark was back, at least in his mind.
She was bemused by the fact that the
magnitude of how poorly he had treated her didn't seem to
even enter his mind. Nevertheless, she was pretty curious
about this man, so she smiled and played along.
She could tell he was fascinated with her again.
Therefore she wasn't very surprised to hear from him the
same day when he phoned to ask her out for a date.
After dinner, they went back to his
luxurious house. Out came
the wine. On came the music. They both sat on the same
couch. Based on that gleam in his eye that had been there
all evening, she had a hunch where this was supposed to be
leading. Obviously for him, the "Chase" was more fun than
the relationship itself. Would his formidable charms
work again? Would she give in for old times sake?
So she began a conversation.
She asked him why he had gotten so weird the first time. He explained that although his feelings for her were real, he admitted his conscience had begun to bother him.
He then confessed he was married.
He had a wife in Dallas. A
(Side note: the woman had previously discovered through some
Internet research that he also owned a home in Dallas.
Finally things were making a little sense.)
The news about the marriage didn't take her completely
off-guard; several of her girl friends had explained this
was the only explanation that made any sense. So she
was able to maintain her poise and pretend his words didn't
hurt or upset her. But she did feel her anger rising; she
had a personal motto to NEVER come close to a married man.
Then she asked him about this magnificent home. He said kept
this home in Houston as an investment. His job with
Continental brought him here so frequently that it was
easier just to maintain a home which he said he slept in at
least three nights a week.
She knew he was fibbing now. Based on her casual drive-bys,
he obviously wasn't there very much. However the one
thing she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt was there was no
woman living there. While he had been in the restroom,
a quick double-check confirmed her earlier conclusion.
The enormous place may have been mysteriously full of
furniture - very odd for a man without a family - but there
was no sign of a woman.
Our woman recalled wondering why his expensive patio home
looked so little "lived in". At the time she had concluded
he must be a "neat freak". She also recalled that the
existence of an actual home in a good neighborhood had been
one of the reasons she had decided to trust him in the first
place. With his educated charm, his excellent job with
Continental, and this fine home, he seemed like a person who
had it all together.
She began to shake her head at her own foolishness. She was
starting to get angry at how easily she had been deceived.
Either it was the wine or the fact that
she kept smiling despite his revelations, but this was
candid he had ever been. So the woman asked a couple more questions. As she listened to him explain, she felt
even more anger rising in her
when suddenly she realized she had had enough.
Without warning, she got up off the couch, grabbed her pocketbook and left to go her car.
She still remembers him sitting on the
couch next to her, two wine glasses half-empty, the romantic
music in the background, with his mouth wide open with
surprise at her sudden departure. Finally he regained his
wits and raced to her car. That's when he begged her to
stay, adding he realized tonight how much he cared about her
which is why he had decided to start fresh with the truth.
The thought that crossed her mind was that he really just
wanted to get laid. Still, it was amusing to see how
desperate he suddenly was. She smiled as she realized
she had completely ruined his hopes for an amorous evening.
He probably should have kept his mouth
Then she drove away leaving him hanging there.
She never heard from him again.
As she thought about it, she realized his profession as a pilot gave him the freedom to effortlessly carry on relationships with two,
three, or even more women in different cities. How were they supposed to catch him?
She then recalled the story of the male
airline flight attendant who was credited with the spread of
AIDS back in the 1970s. Flying from one destination to
another, this man was credited as the person who initiated
the outbreak of AIDS in a dozen different cities.
And who knows who her pilot had slept with in Seattle?
Or Vancouver? Or Los Angeles? Just one bad
decision on his part and where did that put her? She
had been on the pill. They had unprotected sex many times.
Her anger grew and grew.
And then she thought about the attractive
woman in his car back in the parking lot. This game had been
going on for a long time.
The woman surmised that there had been others before her and others after her who had fallen for the same well-conceived trap. In her words, he was pretty smooth and knew all the lines. Apparently
his act had been polished through years of practice.
And that gorgeous house was a stroke of
genius. She believed that was his home when in reality he
simply used it to create an aura of respectability to help
with his gamesmanship. She idly wondered if he had a trophy
What a fool she had been. She was so disgusted by his blatant treachery it took her nearly a year and a half before she could trust a man enough to try again.
The airline pilot used the Internet to find his victims.
You could be next.
MY REACTION TO THE DECEIT STORY
The "Deceit Story" colored my perceptions of Internet dating for
a long time.
Previous stories in the news of women being murdered by men they met on the Internet
had been around for some time
to confirm my view of the Internet as a place filled with predators and danger.
But here was the real-life story
of an urban "Big Game Hunter" who had developed an
effective ploy to bag some high-quality women on his
trips into Houston. I had never before in my
life heard of such an elaborate deception.
Stories about traveling salesmen who take their
rings off before entering singles bars have been
around for a long time. But this guy wasn't
interested in hustling low-life, low-IQ babes in
bars. I think he preferred nice girls...pretty,
intelligent, decent, respectable women with energy
And apparently he decided the only way a married man
could get into their pants was through his
I would be curious to know more about his story. In
fact, I think on one level this guy really did feel
guilty. And when he said he was falling in
love, he probably meant it at the time. No one
forced him to say it. Furthermore they had already
"done the deed", so it wasn't like he needed to use
the oldest line in the book for that purpose.
Plus he was described as being very affectionate to
the woman's children. I think one side of this man's
personality was that of a "Nice Guy".
This woman was too smart to be deceived by someone
pretending to be a nice guy. There was a good side
to this man, which makes his dark side even harder
to comprehend... I mean, it sounds to me like he has
an exploitive deceitful nature living parallel to
his nice guy personality. A modern Jekyll-Hyde?
Now that's Creepy! Is this why guys like him
are called "creeps"?
THE FINAL WORD
Was there a down-side to this
life of deception? Did he really feel
guilty? And why was he so eager to try to
revive the relationship? These questions
will never be answered, but they do make you
wonder what goes through the mind of a
But this Casanova was not the delightful man of
the movies who uses his roguish nature to have
his way with women. This guy actually hurts
people! Their tears are real, their dashed
hopes are painful, and their trust in their
fellow man diminished.
The existence of
people like Mr. Deceit is sad. Based on how he
behaved, it underlines the cruel way many people
treat their fellow man. The woman he met was so
hurt and so shaken by his tactics it was a year
and a half until she was able to try again.
Be it personal ads in
the paper, dating services, or Internet dating sites, the risk of meeting
frauds, lunatics, or men looking for a little meat on the side seems to be
incredibly high. But despite
these obvious dangers, it is apparent many people
persist in giving these risky, time-consuming venues a try.
Love seems so difficult to find that
it seems people will
try practically anything to find
are looking for.
It is a fact that
people need love and companionship. What a
shame it is all the crap they have to go through
to find it.
DATING MAY NOT BE ALL BAD
Based on the Deceit Story, I carried around
my negative perceptions of Internet Dating
for some time. However one day in June 2002,
a simple phone conversation challenged my
view that Internet Dating
was a very bad idea.
I was at Gary Richardson's Floppy Wizard Computer Store
getting my computer fixed
when a woman
phoned the store and introduced herself as 'Debbie from SSQQ'. I was kind of curious since I
didn't have a 'Debbie' on the staff
at the time. So I decided to talk to her myself. It
turned out to be Debbie Awad, a former student
and also a friend.
Debbie was a recent recipient of a new computer and was calling for help with her modem. Since Gary was busy with another customer, I chatted with Debbie until Gary could get free for her.
Known to me as Debbie Solomon until her marriage a couple of years
earlier, I had long enjoyed
Debbie's sharp mind and quick wit.
Just out of curiosity, I asked Debbie how she met her husband since I knew he didn't dance. She said she met him on the Internet.
I was amazed. I told her I thought only evil people were on the Internet. I began to ask her some more questions. This is when I found out that her friend Ruth Ann Manison
had also met her husband through the Internet. Ruth
Ann had been
an "organizer extraordinaire"
for the social activities for the SSQQ In-Crowd back in 1998 through 2000
along with Daryl Armstrong and Rachel Seff.
And then I remembered that Susie Merrill, SSQQ instructor and aforementioned coach of the Heartbeat dance team, had also met her husband Bill through the Internet in 1999.
It surprised the heck out of me when I realized I actually knew 3 different women who
had met their husbands through the Internet. This strongly challenged my perception that Internet dating was a dangerous no-win proposition.
So I became curious about founding out
more what really goes on with Internet dating.
I have a favorite expression - Experience is a comb that life throws you after you have lost your hair.
But do we always have to learn things the hard way?
A lot of people in the SSQQ Community have had experiences with Internet Dating. It
occurred to me that if some of our readers would share their
stories, maybe we could all get a better picture of what really is going on out
there without losing our hair.
So here is what I did. In July 2002, I published the
Deceit Story in the SSQQ Newsletter. Then at the end
of the story, I asked Newsletter readers to share
any stories of their own adding a promise of
In response to my request for some Internet dating stories, I
received nine very interesting stories which I have
added to this article.
NINE STORIES FROM SSQQ NEWSLETTER READERS
This is in response to your
Internet dating inquiry. First,
let me say that I have made some friends from the Internet, both men and
women, who continue to be friends. There
are a lot of nice NORMAL folks out there.
But there are others who are not so nice, and even dangerous.
I’m a single mother with a
responsibility to be CAREFUL for the sake of my children.
95% of the people I have looked up on this site are honest and are
who they represent themselves to be.
But below are three examples of the other 5%.
I go to two sites:
Whitepages.com (free site) and
2.) PublicData.com ($25.00 / year)
Once, a year ago, a man represented
himself as single. Gave me
his phone number. Whitepages
has a link: “other people at this address”.
Imagine my surprise to see “Mrs. Smith’s number listed as
living at the same address.. I
emailed Mr. Smith, him asking who “Mrs.” was?
He replied “Ok, you got me, but I’m unhappily married”
HEY.. NOT MY PROBLEM!
But the real reason I bothered to
send this is because of two
recent events. One man, who
appeared very docile from his writings, actually has a string of
convictions (2 for assault, four others for DWI) dating from 1992 to 1998.
The other story is a case of NOT
following my own advice. I
didn’t run a check on a man from another town in Texas.
Our emails progressed and we talked on the phone twice.
The conversations were pleasant.
Then, I started getting “I love you” emails of a nature which I
found VERY unsettling! So I
ran a check. The conviction
was 17 years old, but it was there non-the-less.
He had served 3 years in prison.
I found out just how very unstable he was when I wrote him to say I
would no longer be corresponding
with him. I did not mention
my findings, but rather that I just didn’t feel comfortable w/ internet
dating. I received 5 emails
within two days. Each one a
little more ominous than the last. I
blocked him from my email, but he does have my phone number should he
decide to use it. So far,
thankfully, he has not.
You did mention that if the story
sounded too bizarre or unbelievable that you wouldn’t include it.
If you want it, the data is there to verify. I believe that if
people (especially women) are going to use the internet to date, they
should also know what data is available out there on themselves and
others. These “others”
are sometimes very unscrupulous people.
I know that searching these
databases may seem like stooping to a low level, but it is only a tool. When you meet someone IN PERSON, you can tell more about them
from their body language and the WAY they say things, than by WHAT they
say. Over the net, you are
much more handicapped in picking up these “vibes” others.
I’ve been enrolled on a dating website for approximately six
months. In that time, six ladies have contacted me, and I’ve contacted
one. Things have worked out well with the lady whom I contacted. I’ve
been dating her exclusively for about two months, now.
Of the six who contacted me, I
actually had dates with four. All four were sweet. Some had a lot in
common with me, and some didn’t. That intangible “romantic
chemistry” was missing with all four, and we all stopped seeing each
other after 1 to 5 dates.
On the whole, I find the internet to
be a painless way to find a date, but an inefficient way to find romance.
It is said that finding romance is a numbers game – you have to meet
lots of people to find one with romantic potential. Meeting people
one-at-a-time is inefficient, time-consuming, and expensive. Group
activities (e.g. taking dance classes at SSQQ) is a superior way to screen
large numbers of people.
One of the ladies I dated had
contacted eight guys from the website! I was her first date. If she had
one date with each guy, she’d be investing eight evenings to meet only
eight people! Imagine the cost of eight dinners-for-two, if a guy were to
contact eight ladies!
The two whom I didn’t date had some
sort of “fear factor” going. Remember, they contacted me first!
established a nice e-mail rapport with me, until I asked her to dinner.
Then the e-mails abruptly stopped.
A WEIRD ENCOUNTER
The other provided me with an
interesting tale to tell. We also established a fine rapport via e-mail.
She had recently earned her Masters degree, and her messages were warm,
clear and coherent – until I asked her out to dinner.
both have busy schedules, and the first day we were both open was about
two weeks later, on a Wednesday evening. When she accepted, she wrote, “Just
shoot me an email or call when we get a little closer to determine when
I felt that working out such details is best done by phone,
so I then requested her phone number. I heard nothing for a week and a
Monday night, two evenings before our scheduled date, my (listed) phone
rang. When I answered, the caller refused to speak. Upon arrival at work
the next morning, I found an e-mail message, which she sent two minutes
after the silent phone call. In it , she wrote, “Okay
- that was me who just called - its been a little crazy since over the
last several days....” and “If Wednesday is not good for you anymore,
maybe we could do lunch sometime?” (Our offices are nowhere near each
other!) She also provided her phone number.
that something was amiss, I replied, “'Glad
to hear from you! I was beginning to wonder if you'd gotten ‘cold
feet!’ I'm still looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. If other
concerns have gotten in the way, I'd be glad to reschedule. I'll call you
this evening, at home.”
replied “Actually, just considering since we haven't even really
exchanged much information
about each other, it might be better to do that first prior to meeting?”
After interpreting that cryptic message, I concluded that she wanted to
talk to me on the telephone. I
placed two widely-spaced telephone calls to her number that evening, and
left two messages. My calls were not returned. The next morning (the day
of the scheduled date), there were no e-mail messages from her, either. At
midday, I sent her a message, requesting confirmation that I’d dialed
the correct number. She immediately responded, “Sorry - right number -
home - I was out last night until about 9:45pm – too late to call.”
this point, I’d received several cryptic and curt messages, plus the
phantom phone call. I wrote, “I've
got the impression that you'd rather not meet me for dinner tonight. Is my
when she unloaded, “Yes. I've had a few ‘bad date’ experiences
recently - I just think it's maybe a little safer if we talk first, don't
you? Or are you naturally
such a risk taker?”
anyone who knows me, the notion of me as a “risk taker” is laughable!
This lady had two weeks to communicate with me, by e-mail or telephone,
and she filled that time with avoidance and bizarre behavior. Then she
fabricated a wildly inaccurate idea about my character, based on what she
perceived in others. A dinner-date, on neutral ground, is hardly a risky
activity, and a face-to-face encounter is far more informative than scores
of e-mails and telephone calls could ever be! (How can one sustain
correspondence with a total stranger, in the absence of shared
experiences?) In a final message, I told her that I was not interested in
a virtual relationship, and that, since I’d been placed in
a defensive position, I wouldn’t
be comfortable on a date with her.
this experience, I learned a lesson about internet dating. This lady did
not have a profile posted on the website. In her initial overture, she
explained that she was newly-enrolled, and hadn’t yet had a chance to
post a profile. Now, months later, her profile is still not posted. The
proprietor of the website has a word for members without profiles. She
calls them “lurkers,” who usually have something to hide. In the
future, I will likely avoid any “lurkers” who contact me.
EXPERIENCE WITH THE PERSONALS ADS
also had a remarkable dating experience through the Personals ads. One
day, I was using the personals section to protect my kitchen table while
using its surface to perform a small repair. One of the ads caught my
responded, and we arranged for a delightful dinner-date. This lady was
stunningly beautiful, and her personality was vivacious!
She had been
first-runner-up in a national fitness competition, and she had appeared in
a nationally-distributed fitness magazine, and in the most prestigious
lingerie catalog around (You know which one!) At dinner, she suggested
that we extend the date to go nightclubbing. Even though nightclubs and
late hours are not my thing, the evening was memorable.
too good to be true? It was. We had about a dozen dates in a five-month
period. While we did have some nice times together, the following became
- When this
lady ordered a drink in a bar, she would always order a beer and a
brandy together. On every Friday and Saturday night, she would place
exactly three such orders. This is a lot of alcohol in a tiny woman.
When she drank, her personality became transformed. She became
scowling and loud. She prided herself in never having to buy her own
drinks. There were always an abundance of men in the bar who were
eager to buy her drinks. When on a date, she expected her date to buy
all those drinks.
after we started dating, she hit me up to "sponsor" her in a
- While an
industrious hard-worker, she had difficulty staying within her
personal budget. She twice borrowed money from me. She did eventually
pay me back (by borrowing from other men), but I learned that mixing
banking with dating results in a degraded dating experience. Our
"relationship" was extended longer than it should have been,
simply because of an outstanding debt.
- She was
overly cautious regarding men. For the first three months, she
insisted that all dates begin and end in brightly-lit parking lots.
(How romantic!) After three months, she was amenable to meeting at my
home. I was never allowed to pick her up at her place for a date. I
suspect that she was ashamed of her apartment, for she had been
married to a tycoon in a prior life.
- She had
requested, and obtained from a prior beau, a loan for a new car. She
was then surprised that he objected to her seeing other men. After she
dumped him, he repossessed the car.
- Her dream
was to own her own fitness studio. She planned to accomplish that goal
by marrying a man who would buy her a studio. She also wanted him to
manage the studio for her, so she could focus on the fitness aspects
of the business.
- She spent
most of her leisure time with a cadre of gay male friends. Dates could
not be arranged more than two days in advance, because she wouldn't
know if plans with her friends might materialize. She would cancel
dates when her friends beckoned.
- With one
exception (a lady who was moving to another city), she would not allow
me to meet her friends.
- She refused
to go to movies. They put her to sleep.
- When we went
to the opera, she requested that we leave during the second
- After five
months of patient dating, I arranged for a romantic evening: dinner in
a chic, trendy restaurant, followed by dancing in her favorite posh,
live-jazz nightclub. At the end of the evening, I asked her for a
"real kiss." She said "No!" When I asked her why,
she replied, "I don't want our first kiss to be in your
car!" I inquired, "Where would an appropriate place
be?" She responded by rattling off a list of Caribbean islands
and tropical paradise locations!
to say, she’ll have to find another guy for that Caribbean vacation!
Here is the info on some of
my Internet mishaps.
I dated one guy for almost a month
before he told me he was married (on my birthday no less!).
Fortunately, I had already made plans to go swing dancing with a
friend from the studio who provided a sympathetic ear, as well as a good
dance partner. However, it
took me a while to convince the married man to leave me alone.
He called me, emailed me and even sent me flowers, begging me not
to break up with him.
I met one guy for breakfast at Le
Peep near the Galleria. We
talked for 2 hours, and had a great time.
He told me he liked to dance, and
paid me many compliments. I
got up to go to the bathroom, and came back to an empty table.
He had eaten a huge breakfast, and left me with the check (about
$20). I was pretty peeved,
until a friend pointed out that some women get suckered for $20,000.
Another guy that I went out with,
turned out to be very arrogant. I
wasn’t sure if we’d have anything in common, but he enticed me with
the statement that he was a ballroom dancer.
At dinner, he made sarcastic remarks about the medical profession
(after I told him I was a nurse), Houston (he’d been living in Hawaii
and didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t go canoeing in an
outrigger), my style of dancing (when I innocently asked if quickstep was
anything like 2step).
Needless to say, I ate quickly, but
I didn’t go to the bathroom until he paid the check.
After I came back from the bathroom, I didn’t even sit back down.
I told him I needed to go home and go to bed (it was about 8:30
Most of the men that I met were very
nice, but there was no spark. I
did date a few of them for 2 weeks to 2 months.
As with any kind of dating, there are creeps out there.
One guy wanted to meet me for
coffee. He showed up in a
muscle shirt with some very large muscles on display.
Unfortunately, he was only in good
shape physically. He kept
telling me that he needed a massage.
Since I’d known him all of 10 minutes, and he
attractive, you can guess his chances of getting that.
I finally told him he needed to hire
a masseuse, drank my coffee (quickly) and left.
Another guy met me at a Starbucks
next to a Barnes and Noble, but never offered to buy me a cup of coffee. I felt bad just taking up a table, so I finally told him I
was going to order a coffee. He
came with me to the counter to order tea.
He then proceeded to show me one of the new $100 bills (with the
larger picture) and commented on how fake it looked.
He was relatively humorless, but thought he had a good sense of
His ad when I answered it read “No
Republicans and no C&W” (this was pre-SSQQ for me).
I saw his ad in for months after that, but he later added “No
On another “meeting date”, at a
different Starbucks, I met a very youthful looking man in his mid-30s (he
looked about 20). He was
pleasant enough, even when describing his psychotic episodes in college.
Of course, a different diet and vitamins had helped him keep them
under control. I already knew
that we weren’t a match because he told me he never could understand
what the big deal was about sex. He
found it “kind of irritating”.
!!!! I’m a SCORPIO!!
I might be able to overlook psychosis, but not asexuality -
that’s really perverse.
I’ll keep thinking about
my Internet days and
see what else I can come up with. Some
were nice but boring, others were only interested in a quick screw.
Luckily for me, I have a sense of humor and adventure.
I just looked on all of it as a learning experience, and made sure
they didn’t know where I lived.
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I will never consider Internet dating, and I’ll tell you why. I
discovered my husband trying to pick up women on the Internet. This was
the nail in the coffin of our marriage. He was doing this, spending hours
on the computer, and it was costing us per hour back then. We could
scarcely afford that, and he didn’t care. Nor did he care to take care
of our children, spend any time with them, or goodness knows, do anything
around the house to help out. He continues to be very self-absorbed. He
eventually did find someone desperate enough to get married. She moved
from California to do it. At least she’s nice to my boys...when they can
afford to (feed them) and have them for the weekend. They still never have
money. So sad. You probably won’t want to include this story!
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I don’t have a dramatic Internet
story to tell - just some experience to share that might help someone who
is considering using it as a venue for meeting someone.
If you can use it, cool - if not, my feelings won’t be hurt! :-)
I picked the Internet because I
worked at a company with 10 people, attended a church of less than 100
people and had a circle of friends who didn’t know any single guys.
My places to meet guys were pretty limited.
I began looking a a web site that
specialized in friendships and pen pals (friendfinder.com) and moved on to
matchmaker.com (the best one in my experience), singlesheaven.com, love at
aol (the oddest people) and other similar web sites including a Christian
singles web sites (the poorest pickin’s of them all) and accidentally
went to adult friendfinders (all I can say is wow - this is the place
where the murderers must hang out ..... or voyeurs
... very strange place where people post naked pictures of
themselves - do they LOOK at those pictures before they put them up there -
certain parts of the anatomy just don’t look that good with a zoom
lens - but that’s a different article for your newsletter! )
As for safety, I think you have to
exercise good sense and caution on all dates.
Who is to say the guy you met at the church social or the
supermarket is any less or more an axe murderer than the guy you meet on
Good Rules of ANY Dating for me are:
Get as much info as possible but
minimum info. Full name, a
phone number (work, home, mobile), address if you can, work place if you
can. Men seem to be a lot less cautious than women and would give
me their home and work number before ever meeting me. Then give that info to one of your friends.
Never give out any phone number other
than your mobile number. Never
give out home address or allow someone you don’t know well to pick you
up at home.
Meet in a public place in daylight for
a first, brief encounter (i.e. coffee).
It stinks to be on a bad date for 3 hours in the dark.
Take your own car.
Don’t meet in a parking lot and get into a car with someone you
don’t know well.
Arrange to call a friend when you get
home to let someone know you made it back OK.
Pros of Internet Dating
You really can get to know someone
very well before you decide to go out if they give you accurate info. Saves spending 3 hours talking to the guy and realizing he
loves WWF wrestling and muscle cars and you like walks on the beach and
Lots of variety and lots of people to
It can be a lot of fun
There are a lot of normal people out
there just like you looking for a friend or date.
Cons of Internet Dating
I learned the things to watch out
Darn! But they lie in
person too - it’s just in person they can’t post a picture of
themselves 20 years ago and get away with it. You can’t see their eyes and read
the chemistry until you meet them. I’ve
had great email and phone conversations with a guy for a month only to
meet them and yuck! - not enough chemistry for a friendship.
On the flip side I’ve had average email conversations with men
that ended up with great chemistry in person.
Guys who fall in love with you quickly
- run quickly - they want someone and if you are reasonably nice, you will
be their someone
Guys who are still wrapped up in
griping about their ex or paying child support.
Puh... leeese. I’m a
single mom raising 2 sons on my own.
I can listen to 1 or 2 stories about your ex and then drop it.
Otherwise, go to counseling and stop using me as your therapist.
It’s a date - not a couch session with your shrink.
Not a problem limited to internet dates by the way.
Be smart, take precautions and
realize that the person on the other side of the email may be just as
normal as you are....or not. But
you’re smart people - use your brain, try internet dating and have fun.
If you end up dating Ted Bundy, you didn’t use your brain and
shame on you!
I met my significant other of 2 years at SSQQ after giving up on
dating (internet and otherwise) because I got tired all the games people
play on the dating game. We
became friends first and then after a group outing one night with a bunch
of SSQQ friend, I got a surprise kiss in the parking lot ... and the rest
Go SSQQ! :-)
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I was just reading the newsletter and the section about internet
dating. I have used that method, I do not have a particular story to share
good or bad but I found that meeting women via the internet is no
different than meeting them any other way. To me, the internet is just
another method you can use just like joining a “common interest” club,
a church singles group, or taking dance classes.
My experience with meeting women via
the internet has been positive. Sure, there were bumps in the road such as
one woman who totally lied about her appearance (this was before photo
profiles became prevalent) and another woman who stood me up without a
good explanation for it. However, I simply just chalked those up for
experience, laughed it off, and moved on to the next one. Life is way too
short to let that get to you. You just never know when that special
someone might walk into your life and, if you are too busy mourning over
what went bad, that opportunity will pass you by.
I presently have a profile on
Match.Com; On their site, they have a section devoted to guidelines to
follow when responding to someone who has expressed an interest. I do not
want to sound cruel, but I would be willing to bet that if that woman with
the airline pilot had followed some of those guidelines, she could have
saved herself a lot of grief. Sure, the pilot may have been a smooth
operator who could cover most of his tracks but there is no way he can
cover them all.
Thanks for reading.
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a personal level, things are sort of the same. I'm still single.
I've had one or two dates but haven't met anyone I wanted to see again.
I know, I know, I think I must be a little too picky. After all I do
require that the men I date at least have teeth :)
I think I just
must have needed a break for a while in the relationship/dating area.
I don't worry about it. I do miss having someone in my life at
times. As a matter of fact I have just signed up on the Internet.
This is not the first time I have given this a try. I have tried it
off and on for the last 3-4 years. I have not ever met anyone I
dated more than 3 times but have made some friends.
I know you were
asking for some stories. I do have maybe one or two stories, one was
a guy I went to lunch with that had 2 cell phones and talked on both of
them almost the entire time! The Internet dating thing has improved
though. When I first signed on people did not have pictures. I
figured I could stand anything for an hour and I guess I was right but I
would hate to go through that again. You would write back and forth
getting to know one another and then arrange to meet. Most of the
time their writing skills far exceeded other attributes and it was a
disappointment. Perhaps I gave up too easily because after 1 or 2 of
these meetings I would take my profile off. Nowadays, if no pic...no
email. I won't bother.
I have always had difficulty turning
someone down in person so, most of the time I'm ashamed to admit I would
say "yes" when they asked me if I would see them again.
Then I would get home and fret about what I was going to say to get myself
out of this. It usually went something like this....I'm afraid I
haven't been totally honest with you or myself. "After our
_______(lunch or dinner) I realize that I am not ready to start dating
after the ! breakup from my boyfriend." Isn't that pitiful?
I have a few other excuses. I have even tried the truth!!
Here is my most interesting story. The
other day I replied to a man who was 6'5", lives on 2 acres in
Tomball, and to top it off he looked like a big ol redneck. I wrote
him a polite note thanking him for taking time to write but since we live
on opposite ends of the earth and I'm a city girl, that perhaps we both
just pass on this one. Well, he got all bent out of shape and wrote
me a note...hang on, I'll see if I can find it...By the way, my username
is Ihaveeyebrows....you are supposed to pick an attribute or hobby and I
wrote the profile in a hurry and every username I tried was being
used so...Ihaveeyebrows came to mind. Anyway, this is his initial
email to me and what I replied follows:
My name is Bobby, Live in Tomball Tx 2acres been single 1yr,married once
long time ago no hang ups of past or now, Oh Im the one standing up in
boat, do not have long side burns now if that scared you (smile) been in
business for self all my life. Im Italian/German can cook REALLY no BS,
woman man two are too much trouble (smile again) if you don't SPIT CUSS
KICK, THROW THINGS BITE to HARD (------) do I have to write smile again?
Drop a line Luv BOBBY
Part of their profile is usually attached to their email and here is
am 6'5" 219lbs good build blue eyes, brown hair, not ELVIS almost HA
ha, really Iam easy to look at to be with. I will listen, try to understand
your feelings always, will not argue but will always talk when needed to
you and I like to make you happy and keep that smile and gleam in your
eyes. I am down to earth honest very fun loving, passion, love joy peace of
mind are very important to me. I am self secure financially not real rich
not poor, been in business all my life. Married once no kids but helped
raise four from my past relations and it is all behind me, no hang-ups no
regrets. Like the wind, water, stars, not a couch tater a good movie is
ok. Iam Italian/German family of doctors, father side, Mother
Italian, yes I
can cook. I let you have your own space. Not too good at typing, My picture
will be posted next week, I am the one standing up, was deep sea fishing in
Maui. WRITE ME I have never done this before. LOVE BOBBY
So, after receiving his email and reading his profile and looking at what
looked like a 1970's pic of a man with Elvis sideburns, I wrote the
Thanks for the complimentary and funny email.
I'm also glad to hear that you too have eyebrows :)
I can see though that we live millions of miles apart. I live in
Sugar Land but at this point would rather live smack dab in the middle of
Houston. I am definitely a city girl. I don't think we are a
very good match...besides I bite really hard!
Good luck to you in your search.
I thought it was polite enough but apparently he took offense to this
and wrote back:
Thanks for writing back with your very informed
judgment, based on your
knowledge and great experience you have in putting on your eyebrows and
the rest of your face. Hope you also have luck with your hook in hooking
your Sugarland fish, keep on selling it is safer than deep sea fishing, my
dear!! Im going to eat a piece of fish and go to sleep--GOOD NIGHT!
So, I wrote back:
You just can't be nice to some people.
Sorry you took my not being interested in you so hard. I was trying
to be polite. I thought you deserved the courtesy of response with
an explanation but perhaps no response is better if there is not interest
for whatever reason.
Then I blocked him from contacting me again.
Internet Dating seems like a little too
much work, doesn't it?
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I have some experiences that I would like to share.
I started doing the Internet dating thing about 3-4 years ago. When I first started, I got really disappointed because I had a lot of bad experiences with a lot of perverts i.e. the unhappily married guys looking for "just a sexual relationship"; the couple looking for a third "to date" them; the guys who want to lick my toes or rub my feet or want to know what color my underwear was in the picture I had posted; the lesbian women or the pervert who writes completely filthy things. It's enough to give you a very jaded impression of the world.
I did go out on a few dates with guys who seemed fairly normal "on paper" but then well…… Here are a couple examples.
First of all, there is the AMAZING number of people who can't form a coherent sentence. I am absolutely ASTOUNDED by the number of people who got out of high school and write the way they do. For example, a guy once wrote me saying he was interested. I told him thanks but I wasn't interesting dating someone who smoked or had small children. He wrote and said, and this is a quote, "well your lost cuz we could of fix's though thing's i guess". I'm assuming he's saying we could fix those things, and I shudder to think how we would "fix" his kids.
Then there's the guy who started talking on the phone almost the minute I sat down at the table, and stayed on. I could tell the person on the other end asked if I was there yet, because he looked up at me, Said "Yes, but go ahead" and continued to talk and talk and talk. He did not hang up to even order his meal. Just pointed to the menu when the waitress came.
The guy who didn't have a picture posted so I asked him to send one by email. Mind you we had emailed only once and his very first picture to me is him sitting in a bathrobe open to his navel, obviously thinking himself quite the stud. Made my skin crawl.
There was the guy I went dancing with. Within a short time, his shirt was COMPLETELY soaked with sweat! It was like he jumped in a swimming pool with is clothes on. It was disgusting! I tried to touch his shoulder with only one or two fingers. Eeeeew!
One of the questions on one of the sites is "What is your favorite indoor activity?" One guy answered "Sex". Another question is "Where is the one place on earth that you'd like to see" He answered "The inside of your bedroom". There were several other sexually suggestive answers on his profile as well. This guy claimed to want a monogamous relationship and complained his last girlfriend cheated. I told him I wasn't interested because his sexually suggestive answers were a turnoff to me considering he was a complete stranger. I tried to explain that most women, who are looking for a monogamous relationship, don't want to know about his sexual preferences before they've even met him. It makes him look like all the other perverts we have to deal with. I mean really, would you walk up to a perfect stranger on the street and start telling them your sexual preferences? It's the same thing! Now, if he was looking for a woman who wants just a roll in the hay, then his answers were appropriate. He said his answers showed his sense of humor and I was too uptight.
Then there was guy who got really serious about me after our first date. Wanted to see me again immediately. Called and wrote me all the time. Wanted us to be monogamous after a very short time. He even started taking dance lessons with me. He would get jealous that I was still "just talking" to other guys online even though I told him I was not making any other dates. Then, just about the time I got REALLY attached to him, he suddenly started saying HE wanted to be the one who was pursued and I didn't call HIM enough. I asked "How could I possibly have time to call when you're ALWAYS calling me?" Then, he suddenly broke up one day. I was devastated and shocked. A few weeks later, I was trying to log into my account and his Login and password popped up on my screen instead of mine. He had logged into his account at my apt one time and I guess my computer saved it. So I hit OK and it opened his account. (I know, I know. It's an invasion of privacy. But I was really curious to find out what was going on with this guy). I discovered, to my horror, that the ENTIRE time we were dating, he was still making dates with other women. Sometimes he would leave my apt at night and go up to work to use his computer to make dates for the next day. I was sickened.
A very similar thing happened with the very next guy I dated too. He turned out to be an even bigger slime than the first, if that's possible. He told me he had 1 child, a girl about 10, who I met. After we "broke up", I found out he had 3 older children from a previous relationship(s) and an 18 yr old daughter was actually living with him. He had told me he had been married once. A friend found at least one other marriage and divorce. She also found he had a bunch of convictions for bad checks. This is a guy supposedly making good money as a programmer at Compaq and in the middle of buying a horse ranch for his daughter. There was an endless list of ridiculous lies each one more bizarre than the next. He too was making dates while saying he didn't want to see anyone else.
After that, some online female friends and I decided that if we ever got serious with a guy online again and were supposed to be monogamous, the female friend would write the guy and "test" him. Sneaky yes, but I swear it's necessary these days.
After the second scumbag, I decided to take a break from dating for a while. I actually found some female friends online and just did things with them for several months. But, as luck would have it, a guy that I had danced with at the Longhorn 2 years before, found me on a site and wrote just asking if we'd met before. We ended up emailing and talking for weeks. He would invite me to singles events he was involved with (never asking me out). We did eventually start dating and dated for almost 2 years. Even though that ended recently, it still gives me faith that there are some nice, normal guys online.
So here I am, back on the online dating circuit again. I am having "some" better luck this time even though I have run into the usual freaks. I am taking it MUCH MUCH more slowly this time though. I've realized that sometimes it takes a quite a few dates and many conversations to figure out if some guys are honest or not.
On the brighter side, my online dating adventures have provided a lot of laughs for my friends. They beg me for the next installment. So I guess all is not lost. J
BTW: I also use PublicData.com but found it is only useful if the guy has a fairly uncommon first and/or last name or you have his middle name. The last 2 guys I've checked had "fairly" common first and last names and the list of matches I got was too large to be useful. I did like the other woman's idea for WhitePages.com although I've found it to not always be accurate. I knew it could check for other people at the same address, but never thought to use in connection with checking out these guys. One other site I've found recently is Knowx.com. You can check marriage and divorce records for Texas and Florida. I know it may not help if they've lived in ! another state though.
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Place me on the horror story side of your Internet dating article.
Stay clear; evil lurks...
The experience I am writing of begins with an early evening drink on New Years Eve.
His name was Sonny. His story was that he was divorced three years with custody of a 12-year-old son.
I was divorced a little over three years and had sole custody of my 11-year-old daughter.
I was pleased to note we seem to have this in common. Plus we were both professionals making a good living.
Plus his picture showed that he was very attractive, not the gut wrenching kind, but definitely cute enough to be interested.
We had a pleasant phone conversation where he informed me that he had just broken off an engagement. He was emphatic that honesty and openness was essential to building a strong relationship. I told him that I thoroughly agreed. We shared a lot of small chat, and then decided it was time to go to our respective homes. He kissed me goodbye—3 small, short kisses . . .My initial feeling was that I left him thinking I wasn’t interested, but I received a phone call while I was out with my daughter that evening. He asked me out for the following evening—New Years Day.
By end January I felt the relationship was growing readily.
I was now very attracted to him. He did all the ‘right’ things. We saw each other a couple times each week and he phoned frequently. He was very affectionate and attentive. At this point we took the relationship to the physical level. Big mistake.
Once Sonny got what he wanted, things quickly fell apart.
He had a ski trip scheduled with his son in early February (this was planned prior to my appearance in his life) — he assured me he would call from the trip and he made a date for the Sunday evening when he returned. Well, no phone calls and no date.
For the next couple of weeks he kept making and breaking dates, the entire time sounding like everything was fine between us when we spoke. Mid February we finally got together, including my daughter.. He gave me a story about his mother falling and breaking her sternum . . .Original you must admit!
I felt like I was getting more excuses than anything else . . .But I was so comfortable and enjoyed him tremendously so I hung in there. He asked me to take a day off from work the following week, so we could spend the whole day together alone. I rescheduled my appointments and cleared Wednesday. He called and told me that his Tuesday meeting was rescheduled to Wednesday, but he could get free by 1 p.m. and was looking forward to being with me.
On Tuesday evening (March 1) he left a message saying that Carol (his ex fiancé who was living in California) would be in town Thursday and staying for a couple of weeks. He sounded very ‘funny’. He said he would call . . . I didn’t hear from him again. On March 23 I phoned him . . . His attitude was cold and aloof. He stated that he was marrying Carol and quickly ended the conversation.
The conclusions I have gathered from this experience were that he was looking for someone to fill his needs temporarily until his fiancée was able to be with him. The whole honesty bit was just a line to get in my pants. This experience did not turn me into a man-hater, although I do believe that most men are untrustworthy. Sorry, Guys!
I have had several other Internet dating experiences as well. I always asked a lot of open ended questions to see what kind of responses I would get. If we connected on line, I would suggest a phone call and continue the ‘interview’ process. If there was chemistry on the phone, I would take it to the next level---a brief meeting in a public place either mid day or early evening.
Boy, there were a couple of surprises—I learned the hard way to always ask for a pic. After a nice phone conversation, I agreed to meet one of my Internet contacts for lunch. Not only was this man the most physically unattractive individual I ever encountered, in person he had no personality as well. It was the briefest lunch in history. . .recalling a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac, I was convinced I had talked to someone else on the phone and got this guy in his place.
Another time, I was invited to meet a guy for drinks. I hired a babysitter and away I went. I drove for an hour all the way across town to meet at Pappasitos. The tightwad made me pay the one dollar for a beer (it was Happy Hour), but I wasn’t happy. I didn’t stay for the second beer. What an unbelievable waste of some valuable free time. I know they say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, but this experience was ridiculous. It was about this time during my Internet dating phase where I concluded there had to be a better way to meet better men. Thank goodness for the dance studio.
I guess my overall recommendation would be to explore all the other alternatives first. Use the Internet as a last resort for dating and tread carefully. The world is full of predators and some men even come in the guise of ‘nice guise’. Whatever you do, get a picture first, agree to meet in a public place and make damn sure he matches his picture before sitting down. Then at least if something happens the police will have something to go on…
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Rules to capture heart of Mr. Right in cyberspace
Aug. 7, 2002, 11:52AM
By JILL SERJEANT
Reuters News Service
LOS ANGELES -- You've used it for shopping, playing solitaire, checking your horoscope, booking a hotel room and diagnosing that mysterious rash.
So why can't you find Mr. Right in cyberspace?
Maybe it's because you are breaking "The Rules."
Seven years after urging millions of women to adopt a play-hard-to-get, 1950s-style strategy to catch and marry a man, the authors of "The Rules" have come up with some new female strictures for the world of online dating.
For when it comes to online dating, men, according to Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider "are having a ball. They are laughing all the way to the bank."
"The women are so forward, men are having a party. You cannot believe the excuses these men are coming up with to juggle four or five women at a time," Fein told Reuters.
"It was starting to become a really bad bar scene. Women are e-mailing with abandon, answering men's ads, meeting a guy, e-mailing him the next day -- making a million mistakes!
"That's why we wrote the book," she said.
"The Rules for Online Dating" published by Pocket Books was at bookstores beginning July 30.
Back in 1995, when their first book, simply titled "The Rules," was on its way to becoming a bestseller translated into 27 languages, Fein and Schneider had nothing good to say about online dating.
They regarded cyber-romance as potentially dangerous and as a threat to the guiding principles of mystery and challenge in romance.
But the huge popularity of personal computers, e-mail and online dating forced the pair to adapt precepts of the Eisenhower era (Stop dating him if he doesn't buy you a romantic gift for your birthday) to the 21st century (Never e-mail on a Saturday night; it smacks of desperation.)
"We wrote this book because we realized people were having trouble transporting The Rules to online dating. You have good-looking girls, putting up their picture and thinking they can do what they want -- answer a man's ad, chat up a storm with him and get to know him so well that by the first date they can sleep with him," said Fein.
According to the book, an e-mail is equivalent to a phone call (never initiated and only rarely returned), a first date is a sexless date, no matter how long you have been e-mailing, and Instant Messaging is "like a free date, which we don't allow. We want men to court us, to ask us out in advance."
Other advice includes tips on how to create a good screen name (never too boring or too sexy), waiting 24 hours to respond to e-mails and dumping men who don't ask for a date by the fourth e-mail.
There is also a chapter containing common-sense but invaluable safety precautions about meeting men found on the Internet in public places and never giving out your home address.
The original "Rules" were handed down to Fein and Schneider by the grandmother of one of their friends and quickly went on to sell more than 2 million copies some 20 years after liberated women first began burning their bras along with their inhibitions.
The pair wrote a sequel, "The Rules II," in 1997, followed by "The Rules for Marriage" in 2001. "Marriage" came out when Fein had separated from her husband and was headed for divorce, a delicious irony that critics of the series pounced on.
Call them old-fashioned and misguided -- and many commentators have -- but Fein and Schneider insist that strict application of The Rules brings the desired results for women looking for love and marriage in a world apparently inhabited chiefly by cads and rogues.
The authors cite men who "insult" women by wanting to sleep with them on a Tuesday or a Thursday but who don't want to take them out on a Saturday night.
The Rules are not intended for women interested in casual sex or one-night stands, nor should they be seen as taking a moral or religious stance.
But Fein and Schneider say they do believe it is up to a man to pursue a woman, and that women who break The Rules -- by being too forward, too available and too honest -- invariably end up getting dumped, and getting hurt.
They warn that online dating means women have to be even more vigilant about applying The Rules.
"Online dating lends itself to more fantasy relationships. You don't really know if he's married, if he's living with someone. So you have to be really strict," said Schneider.
"The fallout is greater. ... Men will e-mail 25 girls in a night, so if you do get a guy who answers your ad, seems to like you, and you go on a date and never hear from him again, just chalk it up to experience.
"You have never seen so many men with elderly sick parents who have to be visited on Saturday nights. It is unbelievable!
And more "sudden headaches" occur on Saturday
than any other night of the week. But that doesn't mean that on Tuesday or Thursday night, he won't try to sleep with you," she said.
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