The Battle of New Orleans
submitted by Leslie Wagner
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for
a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a
parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to
1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to
the FHA, he received the following reply...
(actual letter): Dear Sir:
Upon review of your letter adjoining your clients loan application, we note that
the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in
which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have
only cleared title to the proposed collateral proper back to 1803. Before final approval
can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows
Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received.
I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the
present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly
those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the
U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to
the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right
of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made
in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the
privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good
queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the
precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund the
Columbus expedition. Now the Pope, as I am sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ,
the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe
it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He,
therefore, would be the owner of origin.
I hope to hell you find His original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our damn loan ?
They got it...