THURSDAY, OCTOBER 12, 1978,
Age 28,
the disco years
TWO SHIPS PASSING IN THE NIGHT
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On
Thursday, October 12th, a stunning woman walked into my 8 pm Beginner Disco class.
Seeing
her from across the room, I froze. What a
beauty.
When we
danced together, a discrete question revealed her
name was Patricia. She was extraordinary,
truly beautiful. Unfortunately, it was time to switch
partners. And so with a deep sigh I rotated to the
next woman. Having dated
Jenny, Karen, Marilyn, Francesca and Nancy over the summer,
I had developed a real fondness for beautiful women.
Thinking of Nancy, a pang shot through me.
Tonight I was going to ask Nancy some pointed questions.
If she opened up to me, maybe there was hope, but I was
not optimistic. More likely, my time with the
lovely chameleon would draw to a close.
For the
remainder of class I kept careful tabs on Patricia. This was
such a curious moment.
Knowing I was about to break up with Nancy, I wondered
if I had just met the woman
who would replace her. Although
Nancy was the most beautiful woman I had ever dated, Patricia
could stand next to
her and draw equal attention. There were not
many women in the world who could do that. Better
yet, unlike the ever-silent Nancy, Patricia seemed
capable of exchanging conversation.
In
Hindsight, what I find incredible was the belief
that I had a chance with this woman. Patricia
was so far out of my league it was ridiculous.
Or maybe not. Thanks to the Summer of 78, I
had developed a level of confidence I would have
never imagined. Nancy was the key. Two
months of dating this exquisite beauty had given me
just enough courage to think I had what it took to
approach Patricia. But first I had to see what
Nancy would say when I saw her at the Jet Set
tonight.
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THURSDAY, OCTOBER 12
end of the road
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Halfway through my
lesson at the Jet Set, Nancy appeared. I saw her wave at me,
then head for the
darkness of a booth to wait.
She sat there alone watching as I finished my
lesson. After the dance lesson, I visited
Nancy in the dark booth. When I sat down, I
took a good look. As always her beauty took my breath away. However, this time I felt
nothing but sadness.
"Your friend
Steve, he is your
steady
boyfriend?"
Nancy nodded yes.
"Nancy, I have
really strong feelings for you. You are very special to
me. But I am losing control. The thought of sharing
you with Steve is very difficult for me.
I love you very much, but I think I have to back off."
I was very curious
what Nancy would say. So guess what she said.
Nothing.
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Instead Nancy nodded and
smiled wistfully. She put her hand on top of mine
and squeezed it. There was no sign of tears that I
could detect, but rather a fond look of acceptance. I
hate to say it, but Nancy was handling this far too well.
So well in fact perhaps my decision came as no surprise to her.
Who knows. Perhaps she had planned to break it off tonight
and I was a half-step ahead of her. Nancy
seemed sad, but
she stayed composed. I had no idea what was going on
in her mind. How did she always remain so poised? No tears, no bitterness,
no sign of being mortal. Nancy had the most
self-control of any woman I had ever met. If she had protested, I
probably would have changed my mind about leaving her. But Nancy accepted my decision
wordlessly. With nothing to argue about, we sat there quietly
lost in our thoughts.
Finally Nancy said, "Will you walk me to my
car?"
As we got up to
leave, Nancy reached for my hand. We walked hand in hand
out the door. When we reached her car, Nancy kissed me long and soft, a kiss to
remember her by. She put her nose against mine, briefly
touched her forehead to mine, then wordlessly slipped into her car. As Nancy drove off,
she was cool as a cat. Her
self-control was incredible. How did she do that?
It hurt like hell to
watch her go, but I had no choice. Hurtling out of
control on a tidal wave of disturbing emotions, I believed I had stepped away
just barely in time. Nancy's
calm demeanor reinforced my view that she had a lot less invested
in me than I had in her. In other words, I had made the right decision.
To my surprise and great relief, I kept my dignity. We
parted as friends, no tears, no drama. It gave me great
pride to see it had been a clean parting. I had Nancy to thank
for that. Holding my hand, smiling warmly and kissing me fondly made
all the difference. I will never forget the tenderness she
displayed. Nancy was a very classy lady.
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I expected to fall
to pieces when I got home. That is what I had done in the
past. But to my surprise, I held my head high. I
was actually relieved to break up with Nancy! I was
shocked. In fact, I was excited to have made it this far.
Eight weeks. How did I ever pull that off?
Crazy as it might seem, Nancy had somehow turned into
the second-longest relationship of my life.
Considering what an ordeal this had turned into, I was quietly
impressed with myself. I had done the best I could, so why
criticize myself? A relationship
has to be a two-way street, a rapport built on common ground. Nancy was incredible
for my ego, but ultimately she was nothing more than pure sugar and no
substance. A
relationship based on sugar can only last for so long.
By making a
conscious decision to get out on my own terms, my new
attitude paid real dividends. Interestingly, I did
not mourn the loss of Nancy for long. Rather than
be angry at myself for setting free the most beautiful woman I had ever met, I was proud of the way I handled myself. I had accomplished
what I wanted - an exit with dignity. In so doing, I had
passed my Karmic Test with flying colors.
Recalling how I
had desperately clung to Vanessa all those years ago,
tonight I had broken up with this sensational woman on my
own initiative. I thought of Rachel, the beautiful
Israeli woman. I had made a fool of myself in a similar
situation with Rachel three
years earlier.
Discovering she had slept with another man, I had gotten jealous and lost my temper. I had never
forgiven myself for being so weak. Rachel's final memory of
me was my temper tantrum. Where Nancy was concerned, I
wanted to do better.
I
wanted this lovely woman to remember me as a nice guy who had
treated her with warmth and respect. I never wanted Nancy to see the sniveling,
whimpering sad sack I turned into when she wasn't around.
Tonight I had done well. If Nancy ever thought of me
again, I hoped she would smile, not frown. I would do the same
for her.
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She comes out of the sun in a silk dress running
Like a watercolor in the rain
Don't bother asking for explanations, she'll
just tell you that she came
In the year of the cat
She doesn't give you time for questions as
she locks up your arm in hers
And you follow 'till your sense of which direction
completely disappears
By the blue tiled walls near the market stalls
There's a hidden door she leads you to
These days, she says, I feel my life just
like a river running through
While she looks at you so cooly
And her eyes shine like the moon in the sea
She comes in incense and patchouli
So you take her, to find what's waiting inside
Morning comes and you're still with
her
And the bus and the tourists are gone
And you've thrown away your chance,
you've lost your ticket
So you have to stay on
The drum-beat strains of the night
remain
In the rhythm of the newborn day
You know sometime you're bound to leave her
But for now you're going to stay...
In the year of the cat
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Throughout
history, Cats have been a representation of Femininity.
In Ancient Egypt, cats were thought of as gods and placed on a
pedestal. Personally, I prefer dogs. Happiness
is a warm puppy. Unlike dogs who are known for loyalty and a
keen desire to follow us everywhere, in my experience cats are often aloof.
They come and go as they please, they never ask permission.
Cats are notoriously fickle. Sometimes they're
affectionate, sometimes they ignore us. Due to
their confidence, cats expect us to worship them. We
find ourselves admiring them even though we're not always
sure why they hold so much power over us.
A lady friend of
mine questioned why Nancy was so important. As she
pointed out, our only form of communication was through sex.
I objected to that characterization. We did not have 'sex',
we made love. There is a huge difference. We
kissed, we smiled, we touched each other tenderly.
Yes, there was passion. I had scratch marks on my back
to prove it. She embraced me and intertwined her legs
around me. There was also warmth and respect.
Afterwards, Nancy would curl up in my arms and purr like a
cat as we drifted off to sleep. This is how I knew
Nancy really cared for me despite our near-wordless
relationship.
When Nancy awoke
in the morning, I tried to chat as she put on her makeup.
However, I got nowhere. To be honest, I do not recall
a single word she said to me of any importance. The
moment she was dressed, Nancy would give me a kiss and promise to
meet me next Thursday at the Jet Set. She never asked
anything about me nor did she want me to ask questions about
her. Nancy set the rules; Nancy had 'The Upper Hand'.
So I asked myself why Nancy had so much power over me.
And what did I decide?
Beauty. My
time with Nancy was like dating a Super Model.
Passion. No explanation necessary. In
addition to passion, Nancy was perfect for my ego.
Her presence helped heal my deep-seated fear that I was
unattractive. That is the key to Nancy's story.
Here was a young man who had spent the past 14 years
questioning his appearance due to facial scars. If I could
attract a woman like Nancy who had her pick of any man she
wanted, then I must be better-looking than I had long
believed.
I do not
understand why Beauty is so important to men. Take
Helen of Troy for example. What is she known for
besides a pretty face? Nothing. And yet 1,000
Greek ships sailed to Troy. Why? Because Beauty
drives men insane. Because Sexual Attraction drives
men insane. Why are men so shallow? I recognize
that intelligent women ridicule men for their weakness.
I can definitely see their point. However, it is the
way it is. I can only speak for myself, but I suspect
the pursuit of Beauty is hard-wired deep in the DNA of most
men.
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SATURDAY, OCTOBER 21,
1978
FIRST DATE
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I had come a
long way since my nightmare with Vanessa five years ago.
Crippled by a severe loss of confidence, my fear of
rejection became so serious that I could not force myself to
approach an attractive woman my own age. Unable to
think of any other way to lick my fear, I turned to the
strangest solution imaginable: dance lessons.
Considering my slow learning curve, there was no instant
payoff. However, I did have one talent...
perseverance. To my astonishment, four years later my
long-shot solution paid huge dividends. Not only did I
acquire a career, I was able to attract a succession of
dream girls during the Summer of 1978. Lo and behold,
my summer of good luck dramatically restored my confidence
around women. Pleased by my improvement, I found the
courage to approach Nancy, the most beautiful woman I had
ever met. Unfortunately, due to my lack of control,
this was not an easy relationship. Despite my jealousy
and secret despair, not once did I throw a tantrum or grovel
during the time we spent together. In addition, I had
conducted our inevitable breakup on my own terms. I
was proud of myself for ending things with grace.
Looking at Nancy
from the perspective of Fate, the way I handled my
relationship was a sign of major progress from Vanessa five
years ago and Rachel three years ago. By coincidence,
shortly before my break up with Nancy, I had met Patricia.
Considering the strong impression she made on me, I had the
strangest feeling that Nancy and Patricia were linked by
Fate. For this reason, I was willing to take on the
biggest challenge in the history of my Epic Losing Streak.
I intended to ask Patricia out the following Thursday.
Despite a bad
case of nerves, I followed through. On Thursday, October 19, I made
a bold move to ask Patricia to go out with me. To my
surprise, it worked. The fact that Patricia had given
me her phone number under such stressful circumstances made
me wonder again if the two women
were linked by Fate. Would I have had the courage
to ask Patricia out if Nancy had not come first?
Absolutely not.
Nancy had elevated my self-esteem just high enough to make
me think I had a shot at woman of Patricia's caliber.
Thanks to the most aggressive move of my life, I landed a date with
the most formidable woman I had ever met. 'Formidable'.
Kind of an odd word to describe a potential girlfriend, but an accurate description
nonetheless. Following my successful phone interview
the same night, I
invited her to have dinner with me. Patricia readily
accepted, so we set our first date for Saturday, October 21.
As I drove to pick her up, the dominating
thought was how much progress I had made in such a short period
of time. Prior to meeting Jenny in July, I had
little confidence around women. What a difference
these past few months had made. Considering how
powerfully I was drawn to Patricia, I wondered if she would
put an end to this horrible losing streak. One could
only hope. I crossed my fingers.
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What was the
single greatest headache of my life? The Epic Losing
Streak. And where did that losing streak begin?
St. John's. I spent nine years at St. John's
feeling like an underdog to my socially superior classmates.
Now as an adult, I firmly believed I could be their equal,
but first I had to prove it to myself. Prior to the
acne and ensuing scars, I had been just as good-looking as
the next guy. Now I was doomed to feel ugly for
the entirety of my high school career. As for
sophistication, I was the least-socially adept kid in the
school. As for wealth, I was the poorest kid to
ever attend St. John's. As for confidence around girls
my age, we've been through that. On the day I
graduated, I was the poorest, least attractive, least
confident boy in our school.
St. John's is
where my feelings of inferiority
had originated. Oh, how I yearned for a second chance.
Now, thanks
to this mysterious Magic Carpet Ride, I had made
considerable progress in overcoming my childhood setbacks.
Patricia had appeared at the exact moment my confidence
around women had reached an all-time high. For that
reason, I sensed Fate was involved. Given how much
Patricia reminded me of the St. John's women who had shunned
me long ago, I saw her as a Karmic Test.
If I could entice Patricia to show interest in me, it would go a long
way towards erasing that massive chip on my shoulder.
Call
it a Rematch.
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When Patricia
opened the door, I went weak at the knees. Patricia was gorgeous in
a low-cut, form-fitting black
dress. If I did not know better, she was trying as
hard to impress me as I was trying to impress her.
A
curious thing happened when we got to her parking lot.
Patricia took one look at my used VW Beetle and suggested we
take her sports car instead. Is it possible to see
something without 'Seeing' something? To this
day, I don't know how Patricia failed to question
why a supposed rich kid was driving such a humble vehicle.
Cosmic Blindness? Hmm. Just wait.
Somehow
Patricia's
perception of my wealthy status remained unshaken as she
drove us to Vargo's, an expensive restaurant known for its
romantic setting. This was the kind of place a rich
kid would take her, so perhaps her sudden misgivings were
more easily ignored. Fortunately, after working two jobs for nearly a
year, I had no problem springing for this special occasion.
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Our conversation
in the car began with a surprise announcement.
Patricia casually informed me that her boyfriend Hank was no
longer in the picture. My eyes widened. Oh
really? Doing my best
not to let my astonishment show, I
asked her to explain. Patricia
said she
had lost interest in Hank after our talk on the phone. Patricia added they
hadn't been getting along, so why waste time? In other
words, Patricia had
decided to clear her plate to concentrate on me. I was
flattered. Patricia had paid me a high compliment indeed. I
was also relieved. Considering I had been
defeated in every Love Triangle over the past 14 years, I was glad to be rid of
Hank. Considering his good looks and virile demeanor,
Hank would have been tough competition. How refreshing to meet a
Goddess completely free of entanglements.
So naturally I
fell in love on the spot. Not so. I had fallen
head over heels when Vanessa had made a similar gesture, but
that was before I learned to keep my guard up. Don't
ask me why, but I felt cautious around Patricia. The
fact that Patricia had ditched Hank so effortlessly gave the
impression that she knew her way around men. On
the other hand, Patricia had just revealed that her door was
wide open. Baby, come and get it. Now that I knew
Patricia was serious about me, how serious should I be about
her? I continued to wonder how a woman
with Patricia's overwhelming looks, education and career had managed to
stay unattached all the way to age 29. This was a very
important question. After all, Patricia was not the only
one capable of
conducting an interview. But that question could wait till
later. This was our First Date. Why spoil a good mood with
an awkward question?
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We were a
good match. Although
Patricia definitely held the edge on looks, I was
close enough to make the cut-off. Besides, from a distance
when no one could see my scars, I held my own with a lot of
guys. I was relieved to notice the dim indirect mood lighting
at Vargo's further disguised my scars. Indeed, when we walked in the
restaurant, we received glances from everyone in the room and
deservedly so.
We were a striking couple. With a
rueful smile, I recalled how Francesca and I had also made a
striking couple when we entered her fancy restaurant. Too bad the ensuing Golf Jacket fiasco
had sabotaged a date that was not a date, but had contained the
potential to develop into one. As opposed to my lost
opportunity with Francesca, it was nice to see the Wheel of Fortune smiling
at me tonight. A good omen indeed.
Thanks to the Summer of 78, I had made a
quantum leap in the Confidence department. I
had my recent love affairs with Jenny, Karen, and Nancy to thank for
that. Timing is everything. I was very fortunate those
women came along when they
did. Without lessons learned from those beauties, I would
never have had the guts to ask Patricia to
go out with me. Lately
everything had been breaking my way. Like they say,
when you're hot, you're hot. This was surely my
Brightest Day.
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Our First Date went well. As opposed to Nancy who was forever to remain a mystery,
Patricia was more than willing to share details of her life. Thanks to her
father's naval career, Patricia had moved around.
When she reached high school age, her parents placed
her at Madeira, a fashionable girls boarding school nestled in the Northern Virginia countryside. From
there it was Radcliffe. Her parents had retired
in Texas during college, so Patricia did her graduate work at the
University of Texas to be closer. Armed with a Master's degree in Hospital Administration, her first job had landed her
at St. Luke's, a prominent hospital
in Houston's famed Medical Center. With her impressive
education and career status established,
now it was her turn.
"So, Rick,
are you seeing anyone?"
"Only you, my
dear."
Patricia
snorted. "That's what they all say."
"Oddly enough, I
broke up with my girlfriend the same night I met you at the
studio."
"Interesting
coincidence. Any possibility you will get back
together?"
I shook my head.
"Not a chance."
Pleased to find
me unattached, Patricia launched into a sales pitch.
"You know what,
Rick? I like Houston. I have a
demanding administration position at one of the most
prestigious
hospitals in the country, maybe even the world. What is the point of job
hopping when I am already near the pinnacle? Besides, due to
my peripatetic
childhood, I am sick of moving
around. I like my job, I like Houston, and I am
ready to settle down."
'Settle down'?
I raised an eyebrow. Interesting choice of words. A
hint perhaps? As the evening
progressed, our conversation covered the usual get-to-know-you topics.
Back in those days Astrology was a common
get-to-know-you ice breaker.
"So,
Patricia, let me guess your Astrology sign."
Patricia
sniffed. Such a trite subject! This was just the
kind of Plebian nonsense she preferred to avoid.
"Okay, smart guy, I'll give you three chances."
"Let's see.
I guess Taurus."
"Nope.
Guess again."
"Virgo."
Patricia's smug
smile quickly faded from her face. "Yes! How did
you do that?"
"Since you are
not prone to silliness, you strike me as a practical, grounded person
That is why I pegged you for an Earth sign. I was
going to guess Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn."
"Oh, please,
why don't you just admit you got lucky? Okay, I'll
bite. What are Virgos supposed to be like?"
"Serious,
formal, picky, analytical. They tend to over-think
things, so they have a tendency to get stressed and tense."
Patricia was not
happy. Giving me her best pouty face, she said, "You're just making that up because you know it
fits me."
"No, I'm
serious. If you don't believe me, go look it up."
"For the
record, Mr. Archer, I'm not a big fan of pseudoscience.
On the other hand, as First
Date bullshit goes, advantage Rick. Your ability
to annoy me and interest me at the same time speaks
highly. So, what about
you? What's your sign?"
"I am a
Scorpio."
"What's a
Scorpio supposed to be like?"
"Oh, let's see.
Scorpios are wonderful."
Patricia
laughed. "That doesn't fit you at all. Tell the
truth."
"Thanks a lot!"
I protested. "Scorpios are said to be moody, secretive, curious about the mysteries of life,
intense, jealous, slow to forgive."
"That
isn't very complimentary. Do you agree with that
description?"
"Are you
kidding? Of course not. I am relentlessly
cheerful and very outgoing. I am sincere to a fault
and a great listener."
Patricia smiled.
"Do you always say the opposite of what you mean?"
I nodded.
"It is a good way to deflect awkward questions."
"So if I ask
you whether Scorpios and Virgos supposed to get along,
will I get a straight answer?"
"Okay,
since you asked nicely. The answer is usually not at
first. Trust is a big issue, so both signs invest far
too much energy figuring each other out."
"Now that's interesting.
Should I trust you? You aren't that easy to
read. Out of curiosity, what part of the year is
Scorpio?"
"Scorpio starts
in three days and ends just before Thanksgiving."
"That
means you have a birthday coming up, correct?"
"Yes, my
birthday is three days away. I will turn 29.
Then I will be the same age as you and hopefully just as
wise."
"Oh, really?
Three days? In that case, let's celebrate. Would you like for
me to cook dinner on your birthday?"
I stopped
breathing. Thrilled to see Patricia meant business, I
replied, "Sure, thank you!
That would be great."
Emboldened by
Patricia's offer, I got brave and made the next move.
"By the way, my dance studio is having a Halloween Party
next Friday at the Pistachio Club. Would you like
to come with me? I think it is going to be a lot of
fun and we can put those dance lessons to good use."
Before
answering, Patricia scrutinized me. She had made a
bold move and now I had countered. Things were getting
serious in a hurry.
"My, my, two
dates with a stranger in one week. I haven't decided I like you
that much. Tell you what, I will give you a
tentative yes, but not until I buy an Astrology book and
study Scorpio characteristics more thoroughly."
I laughed.
"You don't strike me the type who bases your opinion on
something so superficial."
"You are
right about that, but it is to my advantage to keep you
on your toes. I would not want you to think you can
use your superior knowledge of Astrology to gain an
advantage."
Patricia was a
good sparring partner. I liked that, especially
since Nancy had been just the opposite. Noting how
Patricia liked to be
in control, I was curious about something.
"So,
Patricia, I have a question. On Thursday, I referred
to you as 'Patrician'. Now that I have met you,
I detect a an element in your bearing that strikes me more as
regal. I wonder if anyone has ever called
you 'Princess.'"
Patricia
blushed. "Yes, that's what my father used to call me.
That was my nickname. Thanks to my father, I grew
up fantasizing I would marry a Prince someday."
I laughed.
"Gee, how did I guess? Well, to be honest, I doubt I
have royal blood, but hopefully I am
interesting enough for you to go with me to the Halloween
Party on Friday."
Now it was her
turn to laugh. "You have nothing to worry about.
I like Halloween Parties. Besides, you are something of a riddle. I like that."
"What do
you mean?"
"You were
right when you suggested Virgos are determined to figure
people out. You are very different from the men I date. Most men I
can figure out pretty easily, but there's something
about you I cannot put my finger on. You don't fit
the mold."
"Is that good or
bad?"
With a grin,
Patricia replied, "I haven't decided yet, but you are
definitely intriguing. All right, I give in. I will be brave and
commit to both dates next week." With that, the
Princess
raised her wine glass. "Here's to Virgos, Scorpios,
Happy Birthdays and Halloween!"
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