OCTOBER 27, 1978
TAKEN TO THE
WOODSHED
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For the record,
both women blamed me for starting World War III. This
was all my fault. Secretly I thought both women
behaved like spoiled brats, but had the sense to keep that
opinion to myself.
Although no
words had been spoken during the tense showdown, the
hostility had been apparent. Both
women were so stunned by the thermonuclear intensity of their instant
dislike, they did not know what to say. Victoria came
first. Infuriated, Victoria grabbed me and hauled me
to a corner. While Patricia glared from ten feet away,
Victoria said I should
have had the foresight to know ahead of time I needed to be
there early. Then she added I should have explained I
should have told her about Patricia during our confrontation
at the studio. Seeing Patricia approach, Victoria left
in a huff. Patricia picked up right where Victoria
left off.
Raising her
voice, she exclaimed, "Who the Fuck is that bitch!?!
And what the Fuck is wrong with her?"
The music was
loud, but not loud enough. Instantly six
heads turned to stare at us. Embarrassed, seething,
trembling, Patricia took my hand and guided me even further
away next to the emergency exit
door. At this point
Patricia attempted to sever my head. First she claimed I set her up to be attacked
with my stupid surprise idea. When I said nothing,
Patricia demanded that we leave.
"Rick, I
have never been so embarrassed in my life. I want you to take me home. Otherwise I might just go
back over there and slap the shit out of that bitch."
"I can't leave,
Patricia. This is my party, these are my students!"
"I
insist you
take me home. If you want to come back, then
that is your business."
"Have you
forgotten this actually IS my business?"
"Right now I
don't give a damn. I will not tolerate being
publicly insulted."
"Look, Patricia,
tell you what. Let's go sit at the bar. I'll get
us both a drink and we can
talk by ourselves."
Patricia looked
at me long and hard, but finally acquiesced. I found
two seats, ordered drinks, then tried to
calm down.
Patricia went
first. "All right,
Rick, I want you to explain who that woman is and what
she means to you."
After I
finished explaining the lengths Victoria had gone to
organize this party, Patricia had another question. "What do you
suppose made her go off like that?"
"Victoria was
already mad at me tonight. At the last minute,
she was frantic that there was no one to greet the guests.
Don't ask me why, but she had a blind spot on the issue and
I guess I did too.
Without warning, she ordered me to call off my dance class
with her friends
and leave early. When I said no, she lost her temper
and demanded a reason. The reason I stood my ground is
that I wanted to surprise her with you. I thought she
would be happy for me, but I guess not. Victoria was
so
furious, she wanted to strangle me."
Patricia
interrupted. "I wish she had."
"Thanks a lot,"
I continued. "When
Victoria realized you were reason I stuck to my guns
back at the studio,
she lost control. Sometimes when people get taken off guard, you see them for who
they really are. She was very upset to see how glamorous you are.
I get the feeling Victoria is very competitive. She
was angry at
being upstaged at her own party. This is probably the
first time it has ever happened."
"If so,
it serves her right. Speak of the devil, look up. Guess
who's coming?"
To my surprise,
I turned around and saw Victoria approaching. She had
Michael at her side.
Victoria said,
"I came to apologize for my rudeness, Patricia. I have
been under tremendous stress and it's been a long night.
I don't know what came over me, but I am sorry for snapping
at you like that. Hopefully sometime in the future we
can talk and get to know each other."
Patricia nodded with a faint smile.
In a soft voice, she replied, "Yes, I would like that.
Thank you."
Now Victoria
turned to me. "You have a new November Class Factory
class starting on Monday. I will be there at 7 pm on
Monday to register the new students. See you then??"
I nodded.
"See you then. By the way, nice work on your party,
Victoria. What a great turnout! And I am sorry I was not here to help you
round everyone up. Fortunately you saved the day.
You have every right to be proud of yourself."
Victoria smiled
briefly, turned around and walked away with Michael in tow.
Michael never said a word, but he looked just as shaken.
That made two of us.
After Victoria's
apology, Patricia shook her head in consternation. In Patricia's
defense, the confrontation had been very ugly.
The shocking hate stare from Victoria had badly
unnerved her. Patricia was like me in a certain way.
I don't get upset very often, but when I do, it is tough for
me to calm down. It might take 15 minutes, it might
take an hour, I never know how long it will take. Same for Patricia. Victoria's intense hostility had
been a slap in the
face. Even after the apology, Patricia was unable to
put
her resentment aside. I hate
to say it, but the incident ruined the party for both of us.
Patricia spent the entire evening chewing me out for the
embarrassment I had helped cause.
"Give me a
break, Patricia. How was I supposed to know Victoria
was going to bite your head off? Ordinarily she is the
most gracious, outgoing person I have ever met."
"You had no
business surprising her like that. Or surprising
me either. I should have been warned."
"That's easy to
say in hindsight, but I thought she would be happy to meet
you. Look, I'm sorry, Patricia, you have every right
to feel hurt and disrespected. However I don't
appreciate being blamed for Victoria's hostility.
That's on her, not me."
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I did not dance a single time that night. Patricia was
so angry that she refused to go out on the floor. Nor
did I dare leave her side to dance with someone else.
Considering how volatile Patricia was, I had no choice but
to babysit and take the heat. Over the next hour Patricia continued to complain about
Victoria and find fault with me. As we sat, well-wishers came over to meet Patricia and say hello to me.
Patricia greeted them in an overly-formal way. Her
frosty smile
might have cut it at a Palace reception, but here at the club
she came across as distant and cold. I got the impression Patricia felt
meeting these students was a waste of time.
Watching Patricia
behave like a snob, my disappointment was profound.
This was the night I learned Patricia was not the friendly,
cheerful type. She was the exact opposite of Victoria
who exuded warmth. Patricia's dismal performance signaled
she did not fit into my dance career in any way, shape,
or form. Tired of sitting, I suggested to Patricia that
we walk around so I could thank various students for coming.
Whenever we stopped to chat, Patricia usually said nothing.
Small talk did not come easily to her. The better I got to know her, the
more the idea of Patricia meeting various dance students and
chatting with them was out of the question. The
Princess could not be bothered with commoners.
She
was reluctant when it came to
speaking to women and aloof towards any man who lacked
an air of prosperity.
On the other
hand, Patricia did make an occasional exception. She was unusually outgoing with
the virile men who stopped to chat on the pretense of thanking
me for the party.
Watching Patricia save her best smiles for my potential
rivals, now I knew how Hank had felt. This party
was my first clue that Patricia and I were not headed in the same
direction. I am fairly certain she reached the same conclusion
about me.
The drive to Patricia's apartment was the longest ten minutes of
my life. Patricia resumed
complaining about Victoria non-stop.
Tired of her negativity, I mentioned how nice it would be if
Patricia could be more outgoing like Victoria. Huge
mistake. Patricia turned
stone cold.
"That woman
is phonier than a three dollar bill.
You need to choose your friends more wisely or
learn to keep them in line. Furthermore, let's get
something straight. Don't be
expecting me to help you teach a dance class. I am
much too busy for that. Nor do I intend to organize any
private dance classes for
my friends like Victoria did."
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I smiled darkly at that one.
Did Patricia even have friends? I had yet to hear
Patricia speak of one.
However, I had the sense
not to bring that point up. When we reached her apartment,
Patricia stopped me at the bottom of her outdoor steps. With a
groan, I knew our night was ending here. Or maybe it
was worse than that. Was this the last time I would
ever see her?
"I was
raised in a military family. My father taught me
to stand my ground when confronted. I have never
slapped a woman in my life, but tonight I came within
inches of slapping the absolute shit out of Victoria.
The nerve of her to treat me like that."
"What stopped
you?"
"When I saw
the look of horror on her husband's face, I realized he
was ashamed of his wife's behavior."
I nodded without
comment.
"Rick
Archer, I want
you to
listen to me. There is something wrong with
Victoria. That
is not an ordinary woman. My father has a military
term that fits her perfectly. Victoria is a clear
and present danger. Mark my words, she will ruin
your life. You need to get rid of her now while
you still can. If you wait, it will be too late."
Patricia whirled
and walked up the steps alone. From the landing above, she
stopped. "Call me in the morning. We need
to talk."
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I dutifully
called Patricia on Saturday morning. She chewed me
out again for not warning her about Victoria.
Here again my lack of experience around women was my
doom. I thought Victoria and Patricia were so
perfectly matched, I expected they would become instant
friends. Guess again.
Needless to say,
my Halloween date did not go well. Nor did my
ensuing date on Saturday night. Patricia had still
not gotten Victoria out of her system.
However, it was too soon for Patricia to pull the plug.
I guess I got a reprieve. As for me, despite the discouraging night, I hung in there based on the naive
hope
that communication and trust would ease the tension.
The main reason I stuck around was Patricia's overwhelming beauty.
I called it the 'Venus Effect'. A friend had
whispered we were the best-looking
couple in the club. Considering we had
Michael and Victoria for competition, that was quite a
compliment. I could not get the ego-inflating memory of
all that admiring attention out of my head. It was true that every eye
in the room was on us as we walked around. Due to many
years of insecurity about my appearance, I could not get
enough of Patricia's dazzling beauty. I liked being seen
next to Patricia far too much for my own
good. Although my mind was flooded with warning messages, I was
far too hypnotized by her looks to walk away.
Venus had her
doubts about me too. So why didn't she sack me when
she had the chance? Patricia's favorite word was 'Potential'.
In my current state of development, I was unacceptable to
her. However, we were young, life is long, and
I suppose Patricia thought I had an outside chance to become the man she
wanted me to be. I could see her point. On the surface, Patricia and I
matched up well. We were
bright, attractive, well-educated, and UNMARRIED. My
status as a potential husband was a matter of
considerable importance due to Patricia's biological clock. However,
I was a firm Underdog in this relationship. Patricia
was better looking, better educated (Masters Degree),
came from wealth and had a superior career. In addition, Patricia had
the most willpower of any woman I
had ever met. She had confidence born of a
lifetime of getting her way.
Once Princess Patricia
began to boss me around like a mere squire, I assumed my
head was on the block. The end could come at any
moment. I spent hours
on end analyzing what I needed to do to maintain Patricia's
respect. Understanding that I needed to maintain the
Balance
of Power at all costs, I made sure not to back down from
Patricia's tirades. However, it was not easy. The Princess was something of a bully. It did not sit
well that I defied Patricia's pointed recommendation that I get rid of
Victoria.
Victoria's outburst was sheer poison for my relationship
with Patricia. The ugly confrontation had seriously
disrupted Patricia's fairy tale fantasies about meeting her
Prince. Things like this never happened to
Cinderella at the Ball, so why should Patricia tolerate
it? I suppose the only thing that saved our
relationship was Patricia's pit bull determination that
I would eventually bend to her will.
Victoria's nasty behavior did not help.
Her presence gave Patricia further reason to dislike my dance career.
Patricia accurately realized how important it was for
Victoria to be the shining star of her realm. If Patricia could persuade me to quit
teaching dance, Victoria would be out of luck. In this
way Patricia could exact her revenge on Victoria and claim
victory in the Diva Warfare.
Her thirst for payback explained why Patricia became
relentless in her quest to get me to give up teaching dance. Throughout November, we spent
much of our time trying to persuade the other to conform to
our own expectations. I wanted Patricia to be
friendly. Patricia wanted me to do what she told me. Since the chances of conforming to the
other's expectations were remote, as the Power
Struggle continued, I figured we were doomed. It
was just a matter of time.
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Oddly enough,
the Clash of the Titans helped me escape the instant axe.
Patricia was so preoccupied with Victoria, she neglected to
conduct further inquiries into my impoverished background. That
gave me a ten day stay of execution. So how did she
find out? One day Patricia
became curious to know what I did during the day. You
should have seen the look on her face when I said I
investigated child abuse and neglect. What kind a job
is that for a rich kid? Needless to say, this
revelation opened
the door for another lengthy Interview. The worst part
came when Patricia discovered how poor I was. This was
her "Oh, shit, what have I done?" moment.
Covering her mouth with her hand, Patricia realized to her horror she had jumped
to the wrong conclusion. How on earth could a boy who
went to an expensive Prep School for nine years turn out to be poor?? Patricia stared at me in
consternation like I had
deceived her. Although Patricia had the sense not to
accuse me of misleading her, I could read her mind. "Why
didn't that asshole tell me he was poor before I, uh..."
In other words, if Patricia had known I was
this poor, she would not have slept with me so fast.
Or, more likely, she would have never slept with me at all. I could tell
Patricia was supremely angry at herself for being such a
fool, so I expected my walking papers right there. So
what saved me? I would not
dream of boasting that I understand women, but it does seem
like making love opens a woman's heart in a special way.
Forgive me if I am wrong, but it was my impression that
Patricia had let her guard down and become attached to me more
strongly than she would
have preferred. I think deep down Patricia was a
lonely woman. She knew I was good company when we weren't arguing
about Victoria. Consequently her
mind and her heart were in constant war with each other.
Perhaps my vast 'Potential' played a role.
Where else was she going to find a guy with my brains and
education who was also single?
I continued to
see Patricia at least once during the week, then on
weekends. In mid-November I persuaded her to join me
at the Pistachio Club for a night of dancing. It did
not go well. Patricia was not very good. In
fact, she reminded of myself back when I started.
There are certain places where being super-bright is not
necessarily an advantage. Dance is one of them.
I was so analytical and self-conscious that my brain got in
the way. Same for Patricia. And then there was
her pride. Patricia was so used to being perfect at
everything, she was very tense about looking
foolish. Frustrated by her mistakes, rather than let me help her, she
demanded we leave early. I think this was the night
Patricia decided dancing was not her cup of tea.
Which, of course, presented a problem for our relationship.
Shortly after, we had another long conversation. It was
civil, but just barely.
"Rick, why
are you a dance teacher? That job is beneath you.
I have a better idea. Since you are the most
argumentative man I have ever met, I think you should be
a lawyer."
I frowned
immediately. Patricia had some things to learn about
tact. Not only did she view my dance career as a dead
end, her suspicions were aroused that she had over-estimated
me. Perhaps I lacked the necessary ambition to be
worthy of her. Patricia was so bitter about
my dance job, she insulted it every chance she got.
In her mind, I would never make the kind of money required
to keep her happy. What I needed was a strong woman to
shape me up. Patricia began to needle me incessantly
about my need to quit both jobs and resume my education with
an eye to a respectable career.
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The irony was
overwhelming. Because I had come on to her so boldly,
Patricia initially viewed me a Player, the kind of guy who
hits on every attractive woman he meets. Patricia had
pictured me as a bored rich kid who
uses a frivolous, high-visibility job like teaching dance to score with the chicks. Patricia was plainly irritated
at herself for badly overestimating my net worth.
What a shame she had committed her heart too fast.
Isn't it
terrible when a frog walks and talks like a Prince, but turns out to be a frog
all along? I was
almost sympathetic. What a disappointment I had to be!
Patricia thought she had screwed a Top Dog only to discover
she had slept with an Underdog instead. As she checked
for fleas, no doubt she
shuddered at debasing herself.
The worst part
came when Patricia discovered I was absolutely serious about
hanging on to my
dance career. At that point, Venus went Vesuvius.
"Goddamnit,
Rick, are you out of your fucking mind? You cannot be serious!
Do you actually want to be a 'dance teacher' when you grow up!?"
The strength of
Patricia's contempt was painful. Patricia tolerated
my pond scum dance job because she knew it made me happy, but she wasn't
the slightest bit supportive. Indeed, the moment Patricia found out I was poor, she
got busy figuring out how to make me rich. After all,
her affection came with a price tag. Patricia knew I was planning to
quit my day job investigating child neglect at the end of the
year. She was definitely in favor of me ditching that
job, but why stop there? Why not give up teaching dance
all altogether and
look for a real job?
Even better, why not go to
law school? There was some real money in law. With
my god-given ability to argue, who knows, maybe some day I might be successful enough to
afford her.
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NOVEMBER 1978
WHERE HAVE ALL
THE YOUNG MEN GONE?
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Patricia was
appalled. From the moment we had our first phone
conversation, she had assumed I could meet her asking price.
All she had to do was seal the deal, a point of view which
explains why she wasted no time disrobing on my
birthday.
One thing I did
not understand is why Patricia kept me around
once she discovered I was not the man she thought I was.
I decided the main reason was
my Potential. Yes, I was unworthy in my current
state of development, but I had the POTENTIAL to be the kind of
man an aspiring Trophy Wife could dream of.
But there was
another reason as well. Although having premature sex
was a huge strategic mistake, it led to an unexpected
consequence. I don't know if Patricia would ever admit
it, but she liked making love to me. She liked waking
up beside me. And get this... she found me
interesting. Few men had the education to debate her
like I did. Almost against her will, Patricia
realized she was much too fond to dismiss me as
she did other men. Patricia
was in a bind. Her practical side said I had to go to
make room for the next guy, but her heart wanted to keep me
around. So she decided to compromise.
Patricia
was a smart girl who understood the concept of delayed
gratification. At present she made enough money for the two of us
(and then some). This allowed her the luxury of
patience if I would promise to improve my socioeconomic
status enough to meet her lofty standards. With this
in mind, throughout
November,
Patricia kept trying
to talk me into applying for Law School or an MBA program. She
said a bright guy like me was wasting his time with this stupid dance
stuff. The poor girl, she was apoplectic whenever I told her
how much I loved teaching dance.
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In practical
terms, Patricia was absolutely correct. If I was
willing to go back to school, I had the ability to carve out
a high-paying career of some sort. Only one problem.
My heart was not in it. I didn't just love teaching
dance, I firmly believed God had moved a mountain because this is
what He wanted me to do. Given a choice between what
Patricia wanted and God wanted, the Princess was out of luck.
But did I dare tell her that? No.
Patricia did not
strike me as the open-minded type, so I was reluctant to
share my secret conviction that this dance program was a
Divine Responsibility. Nor did I dare tell her of my
belief that
Fate was largely responsible for connecting us in the first
place. Considering the doubts she had about me, her
blood pressure was high enough without adding my
controversial
beliefs to the mix.
Since
I kept my
unusual belief system a secret, Patricia
did not know I intended to chase my Magic Carpet Ride
as far as it would take me. Consequently every one of
Patricia's suggestions fell on deaf ears. Patricia's
Venus Effect was powerful, but the thought that I was
following God's Will was much stronger. Besides, I had no interest
whatsoever in becoming a lawyer. Our difference of opinion
on this key issue was a serious bad omen and we both knew it.
Patricia's
despair grew to the breaking point one week before Thanksgiving. That is
when she saw my sad little cottage for the first time. The
moment she saw my run-down house in a lower middle-class neighborhood, a
look of abject horror crossed her face. Built 30 years
ago, my modest home was what one might
generously describe as a 'fixer-upper'. But let's be
real. My house was a dump. However, I was happy living
there, so what did I care? When Emily
and Sissy, my two small dogs, met her at the door, Patricia
almost fainted. Explaining she was afraid of dogs,
Patricia returned to the car while I got a change of clothes.
I scratched my head.
Was there anything I liked about this woman other than her looks?
Was it her money? I could have cared less about her money.
If ever there was a time to look for the Exit Door, this was it.
Patricia was
unusually quiet after the house
incident. Her silence gave me the
feeling my days were numbered.
I had a real dread about my chances with Her Royal Highness.
I recalled how Patricia's amazing beauty had attracted men
throughout the Halloween Party. I also recalled the ruthless speed with which Patricia had
eliminated my predecessor Hank the Hunk. Although she didn't offer any details, I got the hunch that
Patricia went through a lot of men. Her goal was to
find the right man and marry him. Since another
prospect would come along momentarily, why waste time
lingering with the wrong man?? Better to cut her
losses and move on to the next candidate. With
Thanksgiving around the corner, it was a race between me and
the turkey to see who got the axe first.
I was
confused. Patricia had discovered my
poverty, concluded I lived in a slum, despised Victoria, did not approve of my low-status dance job
and hated my dogs. What kind of human being hates dogs???
So WHY is she keeping me around?
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Here was the
mystery. A woman with the beauty of Venus, the
authority of Hera and the brains of Athena has no business being single at age 29.
So what was the explanation here? Unfortunately, whenever
I probed this issue, Patricia went mum on me. Since she
adamantly refused to discuss her dating history, I was
forced to theorize. Since Patricia refused clear up
the anomaly, please understand whatever I say is just
conjecture. In a way I feel
sorry for Patricia. There's an old saying, 'Never
have an Affair with a Memoir Writer.' No doubt
Patricia would dearly love to defend herself, but it's my
book, so my opinion gets precedent.
Why was
Patricia unmarried? I think it is safe
to say something went terribly wrong. My guess is
at some point in her life Venus
invested far too much time with a man who
walked away from the altar at the last minute. Where
Patricia was concerned, I could visualize a man with a bad case of
Cold
Feet. The thought of spending a lifetime with this cold-hearted bitch
must have been daunting indeed. Why not purchase a
replica of the Venus de Milo statue instead? Fun to
stare at, valuable to possess, and the
amount of affection would have been roughly equivalent.
What's a girl
to do? Rick, Patricia's chosen savior, was not a rich kid after all. Crestfallen, Patricia would never
stoop so low as to marry a menial dance teacher.
Patricia trembled at how the society page might describe my
profession in the wedding announcement. Let's face it,
no amount of lipstick on this pig would hide the fact that I
was downright unsuitable. My job wasn't going to cut
it, not for a pretty Trophy Girl like her. So why did
she keep me around? Why why why.
Then one day I figured it out...
All the good
prospects were gone!!
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Suitable
candidates for a woman of Patricia's caliber were rare
enough indeed. If a girl doesn't catch one in college
or grad school, watch out. My theory was
Patricia had reached an age when 95% of the men
who were her equal had already been snatched up. Patricia
had let it slip that she had a knack for meeting
married guys. Apparently their wedding rings accidentally fell into
their pocket the moment they met her. Patricia was
getting frustrated as one guy after another turned out to be
a womanizing false alarm. With a dark smile, I
recalled how adamant Patricia was to make sure I was not
married during our initial phone call. Feeling impatient at age 29,
she was horrified to discover the supply of good candidates
had diminished to a mere trickle. Finding a man as
bright as her was difficult enough, but finding one who was
also reasonably good-looking and had money was proving
insurmountable. When one adds the words 'and single too', one could
understand her growing desperation.
The lament could be heard across the wide prairies of Texas. Where have all
the young men gone? Supply and demand. If this frightening trend continued, Venus might be forced to lower her
price tag.
Patricia's
supply of Suitable Suitors resembled a Pyramid. In
college, there was a reasonably large supply of candidates. No
doubt by the time she graduated, more than half were snatched
up. Patricia faced a reduced pool of candidates in
graduate school. Here again, when Patricia finished,
the pool of prospects was even smaller. Starting her
career at age 24, Patricia continued to meet qualified
candidates, but to her consternation, they turned out to be
married. This predicament
must have driven her crazy. Goddamnit, all
the good men are already taken! Faced with the dwindling
supply of fish in the sea, Patricia was full of despair. Then one day her
prayers were answered. Patricia had met a guy who was just as smart, just as educated. He was
tall, strong, and SINGLE!!
Hallelujah, Sound the trumpets!
Filled with certainty she was soon to be a
beautiful bride, Patricia could hardly wait to reproduce.
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NOVEMBER 1978
THE LAST FISH IN
THE SEA
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So now I had my
answer. When Patricia
first met me, I looked like a good catch.
I sounded even better on the phone. That got me to
First Base. Patricia let me steal Second Base by
jumping to the wrong conclusion about my socioeconomic
value. But she drew the line at Third Base. Yes,
I had potential, but Venus wasn't letting me get past
Shortstop until she figured out how to deal with my
shortcomings.
That created an impasse. Here on the eve of
Thanksgiving, our
relationship was in a holding pattern.
After all, at
least I was SINGLE. That made me practically the last
man on earth in her book (but it still might not be
enough...) I was,
29, tall, smart, athletic, well-educated, and kind-hearted. Like
an elusive salmon who manages to escape every lunging bear and fish net along the way,
no girl had landed me
during my many years of swimming upstream.
Patricia
wondered why was I still available. We know the
answer to that mystery. I was virtually the last
eligible bachelor on the planet because I had grown up insecure, had a
devastating phobia, and possessed a
sarcastic personality. On top of that, I was just plain
'weird' due to my preoccupation with Fate. So far I had not let Patricia know
for certain I was weird, but give the girl
some credit, she 'Knew'. Yes, there was something very odd
about
me. However, perhaps it was curable. Maybe I was a
fixer-upper like my house.
Of course there
were things wrong with me, but I nursed a suspicion
there was something wrong with Patricia as well. Yes, I should
have been married by now, but the same thing could be said for Patricia.
Patricia was not one to let down her guard, so I
couldn't pry her past failures out of her.
Not once did she explain how she made it all the way through
college, graduate school and the early years of her career without landing a
husband. Nor could she explain why some dashing doctor had not suggested a trip to the altar. But I didn't need her to tell me. I knew
the answer: Patricia had
problems connecting to people.
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Lo and behold, lonely
child and
only child Patricia was the navy brat nomad who did not know how to make friends. And she had trouble keeping
boyfriends. Sound familiar?? We were two
misfits struggling to overcome difficult childhoods.
It was very weird. First I had met Joanne and
decided I was looking in a mirror. Now that I had met Patricia, I was
looking in a mirror with her too. Very strange.
Oddly enough, I had
one significant advantage over Patricia. Yes, I lacked wealth
and yes, I lacked a pedigree, but at least I had a heart. In
addition, I was actively trying to become a better person.
Throughout my Twenties, I was painfully aware that I was not
marriage material. Fortunately, ugly duckling that I was,
I was determined to conquer my vast array of flaws. Thanks
to help from my therapist Gaye during the Lost Years plus this unusual Dance Path, I had made
considerable progress. Five years of hard work
following my grad school dismissal were starting to pay off.
During the Summer of 78
I had begun to come into my own. It had taken a long
time, but now that I was 29, I was starting to
develop into marriage material.
Not so with
Patricia. She was badly damaged goods. To me, Patricia
seemed a victim of her own beauty. Ordinarily a woman would
take note of her shortcomings and do something about them.
But Patricia had such a steady supply of men running through her
life, I suspect she was looking for a man who would take her 'As
is'.
Although Patricia had to be lonely, she was never without
a suitor for long.
Consequently Patricia lacked the incentive to change. That is where we
differed.
My refusal to
knuckle under to her demands to become a lawyer did not bode
well. Frustrated, ordinarily Patricia would have shown
me the door and begun to interview the next candidate.
However, right now I guess the pickings were slim. There I stood, quite possibly the last
unmarried
Fish in the Sea. However, in my present state of development, I was not
acceptable. But if Patricia could whip me into shape, I might be suitable. So Patricia set
about bending me to her will. Let's make Rick go to
law school for his own good!!
This wait and
see approach explains why Patricia kept me around longer
than she ordinarily would. Let's see how Rick responds to
torture. Unfortunately, her strong arm approach
failed. I did not want to go to law school. Or
business school either. I was quite content to teach
dance. Not only was I having the most fun of my life,
I secretly believed I was doing exactly what I was meant to
do. I didn't come right out and say it, but I knew
Patricia was barking up the wrong tree. In the contest
between God and Goddess, God held a considerable edge.
Yes, even the Venus Effect had its limits.
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So, knowing this,
why did I stick around? To begin with, I was in no hurry.
Granted I was not rich, but with two jobs and no dependents,
I had more than enough money to pay my bills. Nor did
I have a
biological clock going tick tick
tick.
I have already confessed
I was a sucker for beautiful women. Considering myself
borderline attractive due to my facial scars, I assumed my scars were a lot easier to overlook when Patricia stood beside me.
It wasn't that
Patricia was the love of my life. Not even remotely.
She was hardly one of those great loves you hear about.
I stuck around because a Goddess had shown interest in me at
a time when I was desperately seeking reassurance about my
own attractiveness. In other words,
I stuck around due to Vanity. The Venus Effect was incredibly
good for my ego.
The memory of
how heads turned when we walked into the Pistachio Club
together was front and center in my mind. I recalled
how men wished Patricia was with them instead of me. I
noticed how women wished they could get men to stare at them
the way the men gazed at Patricia. At that point, the
women would invariably turn their attention to me.
Imagine my gratitude when they smiled at what they saw. With someone as beautiful as Patricia at my side, by
extension I was beautiful too.
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Here in Year 14
of the Epic Losing Streak, those smiles provided a
much-needed ego boost to an insecure
young man. Hoping to ride the Venus Effect
as long as possible, I did a
stupid thing and pretended to show interest in a career such as law. To my surprise, my
trick worked.
My deception was
so effective that Her Royal Highness kept me around longer
than necessary. In her mind, maybe she had finally
knocked some sense into me. If not, there would be
another man along soon enough.
There always
was.
Unfortunately,
Karma is a bitch (in more ways than one). I would pay dearly for my deception in ways
I could have never anticipated.
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