Saturday, DECEMBER 2, 1978
KIDNAP
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Prior to
Victoria's Christmas Party, I was certain Patricia and I
were finished. Wonderful! In fact, I even had an
elaborate exit strategy laid out.
I was going to find me a new girlfriend. Hmm.
Instead I found myself in house arrest. So much
for the clever plans of mice and men.
After our
performance, the moment Joanne saw the two fire-breathing
dragons, she had the sense to disappear into the
night. Victoria and
Patricia took turns chewing me out over the next hour. But that
was nothing compared to what came next. The
worst part came when Michael decided he was tired of
watching Victoria devote so much time to my demise over in
the corner. Shortly after 11 pm, Michael told
Victoria he was leaving in ten minutes. That gave
Victoria enough time to say goodnight to her friends.
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As Victoria
prepared to leave, she noticed Patricia hovering nearby.
In a voice dripping with contempt, Victoria released me into
Patricia's custody with curt parting words.
"If
you still want him, he's all yours. I cannot imagine
what you see in him."
Once Victoria
was safely out of sight, Patricia decided she wanted to leave.
She insisted I show some courtesy and walk
her to the door. As we waited for the valet to bring her sports
car to the front, Patricia grilled me with more questions about Joanne. When the car arrived, Patricia
demanded I get in. Her command took me completely off guard.
"I can just as easily walk to my car, Patricia."
"Calm down. I'm
going to drive you to your car. Where is it parked?"
Once I got in
the car, Patricia proceeded to drive in the wrong direction.
I immediately
protested. "What about my car?"
"Oh, please.
No one would dream of stealing your pathetic car."
I put up a mild
protest, but Patricia was so insistent I gave in.
Since nothing was said
on the ride to Patricia's apartment, I had time
to contemplate the irony behind her contempt for my car.
When we first met, Patricia was so certain I was rich,
the implication of seeing me own an old VW Beetle had never registered.
Her inexplicable Blind Spot tricked her into entering the most aggravating relationship of her
life. As I sat captive in the passenger's seat, I
could not help but wish Patricia had grasped the hidden
message of my beat-up car back at the start. If so,
she could have spared us both a world of misery.
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When I was donning my tuxedo
earlier in the evening, never
in my wildest imagination did I expect to leave the Christmas Party with
Patricia. Against my will, no less. I was beyond incredulous at
this bizarre turn of events. And was I happy? No.
I would much rather be home alone. However, that was not
to be. Due to some wild twist of Fate, Patricia had decided to
hang onto me. Indeed, despite the fact she had despised me all night long, Patricia
had decided to insist we were still a
couple. Bewildered, I came up with
theories to explain the inexplicable. One theory was that Victoria
had elevated my value. Once
Patricia saw how badly Victoria wanted me, she decided I was worth
keeping as a way to spite the Diva. Another theory was that I
had ruined her evening so badly Patricia was unable to find a
replacement for me. But the third theory was
probably the correct one. I decided Patricia kept me around so she could
torture me some more for embarrassing her at the party.
Sure enough, the moment we
walked in the door, Patricia lit into me. The hour-long argument
that ensued was even worse than my grilling back at the Pistachio Club. I was accused of being
disloyal for making Victoria my dance partner. I was
accused of being disloyal for dancing with Joanne instead of
Patricia. I was accused of allowing Victoria to
publicly humiliate her by standing arm in arm with the enemy at the
front door. Patricia said she was extremely upset when Victoria
appeared to make a move on me early in the party. She berated me
for allowing it to happen. Don't tell Patricia, but she was right.
I had allowed Victoria to hold my hand and stand closer than necessary
specifically to spite Patricia. Rather than admit my role in the
moment, I blamed it on Victoria, saying she had done it deliberately to get under
Patricia's skin.
Patricia frowned at that remark. "Well, it
worked," she said.
I had
considerable anger of my own, so I fought back. I told Patricia I would
dance with whomever I wished whenever I wished, so get
over it. Patricia grew wide-eyed at my show of
defiance. This was easily the most backbone I had ever
shown. Meanwhile, I scrupulously avoided
discussing her mysterious absence from her apartment the
Friday night before the party. I preferred to keep the
knowledge of her likely betrayal in my back pocket until I needed it.
What was the upshot of
this bitter argument? Patricia took my hand and led me to her
bed. Seconds later, her skimpy red dress was lying on
the floor as she pulled me to her. As symbolic
gestures go, this got my attention. Considering
how much I disliked her, why did I participate? The
answer can be found the darkest, most vile regions of my
soul. Pardon my language, but this was a Revenge Fuck,
the second of my life. The first came when I first
realized Vanessa had lied to me about her ex-boyfriend Kenny.
The second one came because Vanessa had lied to me regarding her
whereabouts Friday night. More than ever before, I
viewed Patricia as the second coming of Vanessa.
As Patricia slept, I was
ashamed of myself for engaging in rough sex. I would have left,
but I didn't have my car. So I did the next best thing and went to
her living room to sort out the events of the evening. My
first thought was that this had to be the weirdest woman on the
planet. But the more I thought about it, maybe there
was an explanation that would make sense of all this. I was convinced Patricia had arrived at the
party with full intention of ditching me. So what could possibly
explain her unexpected change of heart?
The most curious
aspect of the party was my strange journey from abject loser
to undisputed star. I carefully traced the progression. At
the start, Patricia got the upper hand by
holding court right before my eyes. What she had done
was downright cruel. Patricia had deliberately taunted me
by displaying her
vast power over men. It worked. I got jealous and forlorn.
Hating myself for backing
down from her withering stare of contempt, I saw myself as little better than dog
meat in Patricia's eyes.
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My fortune
improved when Victoria looped her arm inside of mine.
The change in Patricia's demeanor was instantaneous.
If
the most powerful woman in the room wanted me, then
Patricia might wish to reconsider. Patricia wasn't
sure she actually wanted me, but wouldn't it be fun to reclaim me
just to spite Victoria?
The master stroke came from
my accidental dance performance with Joanne. Sensing I was about to get
caught in a tug of war between the two females, I moved away.
Once I bumped into Joanne, the entire night pivoted in my favor.
As we danced, Patricia and Victoria looked around and
realized the eyes of every female in the building were on
me... and so were their smiles. My stock rose
accordingly with both of them.
Don't ask me to explain
women. However, one need look no further than the Beatles for a
possible answer. There is something about hundreds of females screaming
their heads off that elevates a man's desirability. In my case,
Patricia not only saw Victoria moving in, she saw Joanne moving in.
Nor could she ignore one hundred potential
rivals clapping because they liked what they saw on the dance floor. Handsome in my tux and
moving like I knew what I was doing, I looked good out
there. Joanne was the star, but so was I.
Perhaps all that screaming caused Patricia to view me in a new light.
On paper, I could never
afford Patricia in a million years, but for one night I suppose she
decided to offer a discount for old time's sake.
Loneliness and frustration make for strange outcomes.
Besides, what just happened in her bedroom was closer to a
one-night stand than making love. If there was
romance involved, I did not notice. I suppose Patricia reacted on
an instinctive level that completely bypassed the low opinion her conscious mind
held for me.
My guess is all that applause had triggered her sense of
possessiveness. Apparently that is a door that swings
both ways.
Believe it or
not, I had suddenly become a sought-after prize.
Imagine that. My reward? The moment my status was elevated, Patricia decided
(against her better judgment) that if all those
women wanted Rick, why not keep him to herself?
Incredible as it sounds, my sudden rise in value had
temporarily led to a balance of power. Now that I was
worth keeping, I got lucky. Hmm. On second
thought, maybe I wasn't so lucky. Being kidnapped by
this she-devil might turn out to be the worst thing to ever
happen to me.
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DECEMBER 1978, the disco years
AFTERMATH
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I did not see
Joanne once in December. Joanne deliberately skipped
coming to the studio on the Monday following the Christmas
Party. She had called earlier to express her fear that
Victoria would show up for First Week Registration. I
encouraged her to come, but Joanne did not want to take any
chances. As it turned out, Victoria was nowhere to be
seen, but that's another story.
On Friday, I
received another phone call from Joanne. She had been
in a minor car accident. Joanne was not hurt and the
accident was not her fault. However, her car was in
the shop for repairs. Fortunately she was able to get
to work by bus, one of the advantages of living on a major
street with a direct bus route. However, there was no
way she could make it to the studio on the following Monday.
On the third
Monday of December, the 18th, I got a midday call from
Joanne.
"Rick, do
you need me tonight? The girls at work want to go
out drinking. Would that be okay?"
Of course that
would be okay. "Merry Christmas, Joanne."
"Merry
Christmas, Rick."
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Since there were no
new classes starting in December, Victoria had no reason to
appear on Monday. Her lone
appearance in December took place Tuesday, December 5th.
She was in a subdued mood and preferred not to talk about
the incident with Joanne.
"I am
leaving town Thursday with Stephanie to spend the
Holidays with my parents in California. Michael
will be joining me in progress. This will give me
a chance to think about what happened on Saturday.
I am still very hurt, but you already know that.
I need to calm down before I say anything more.
When I get back, we can talk then."
"Where do we
stand with your Friday class now that their class has
ended?"
"Their last
class was the Friday before my party, but most of them
wish to continue in January-February. I want you
to be sure to keep
that Friday spot open for them. You might see a
few of my friends at Pistachio over the Holidays, but I
won't be back until after New Year. So I guess I
will say Merry Christmas now."
"Merry
Christmas, Victoria."
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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22, 1978
the
rock star
ARGUMENT
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In Hindsight, I
can report my Countdown to
Disaster began the moment Joanne and I entered the dance
floor at the Christmas Party. Patricia's decision to
kidnap me had led to a night of passion afterwards.
Unfortunately
it was all downhill after that. Patricia and I began a series of escalating
disagreements during December.
I had been a big
hit during my sensational dance with Joanne.
Patricia would never admit it, but for a moment there she
had been impressed by all the fanfare. Rather than
return home empty-handed, Patricia had decided to claim the
star of the party for some nocturnal
satisfaction. Although I wasn't the man she had
hoped for, I guess she decided I was better than nothing.
Passion is great
while it lasts, but it can only take you so far. Now
that I was removed from Disco limelight, my glamour faded in the harsh
glare of morning sunlight. That is when Patricia's steel-trap mind
reminded her that I was still the same guy who could not afford her.
I was okay for the time being, but what about that country
club?
Patricia decided
my Christmas Party
performance was a fluke. Concluding I was a one-hit
wonder, Patricia began to
reassert her dominance over me. It did not take long
for Patricia to renew expressing her conviction
that I was wasting my time with these dance dreams.
Bickering constantly over the next three weeks, we held on by the thinnest thread imaginable.
I suppose any other month of the year we would have called it
quits. However, December was a lousy time to go looking for a new
love.
For lack of
anything better to do, Patricia decided to resume her
campaign to send me to law school. Except that the
days of sweet talk were over. Patricia preferred to
use the sledgehammer.
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As the tension increased, not a day
passed when I did not regret my
inability to find a replacement for Patricia at the party. If
there had been a single mistletoe prospect in sight, trust
me, I would have jumped ship in a flash. But such was
not the case. Once Patricia and Victoria placed me
under house arrest at the party, I was never able to take advantage of my
unexpected stardom. Haunted by the memory of all
those glistening eyes upon me, I wanted to scream at the unfairness of
losing my golden opportunity.
As for Patricia,
she too had been unable to find a suitable replacement. Hence she half-heartedly extended my contract through
Christmas. After that, all bets were off. Mind you, Patricia
did not tell me this. It was easier just to wait till the end of December to
announce I
had been playing on a one-month contract. Forced by seasonal
circumstance to slog through the Holidays
together, there were some truly dark moments in December.
The darkest of all was December 22, the night of the bitter Rock
Star Argument.
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The events of
the Pistachio
Christmas Party had embarrassed Patricia.
She had finished a distant third in the Battle of the
Disco Divas. Unaccustomed to losing Beauty Contests, she took her anger
out on me. Patricia began to needle me in the meanest way
possible... she made fun of my dance career.
Samson derived his power
from his hair, I derived my power from my dance program. Delilah cut
Samson's hair, Patricia mocked my dancing. Hand it to
Patricia. She knew to hit where it hurt the most.
Patricia acknowledged that in general the Pistachio Party had gone well and that
my dance with Joanne had been the hit of the night. However,
Patricia added that I shouldn't assume that a single night of triumph
meant my dance career was actually headed somewhere.
Patricia said I was letting
the success of the party cloud my judgment. She said I was so
infatuated with all this attention that I was blind to reality.
How many times did she have to tell me there was no future in Disco?
Whether we stayed together or not, did I really expect to make
enough money teaching Disco line dances to support a family?
That last crack really
stung.
While I understood that much of what Patricia said was sour
grapes, she really knew how to twist the knife. I
seethed and burned over her decision to trivialize what was
most important to me.
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Dating back to Patricia's
Thanksgiving ambush, this constant bickering was getting old. So far, our entire
December relationship consisted of arguing
over the frivolity of my career decision. I was fed up and
Patricia was sick of it too.
So sick, in fact, that finally Patricia lost her patience. Taking
off the gloves, it was time
for another ambush. One night Patricia hit me with both guns blazing.
Dance classes were over for
the year, but I was still working out my last few days at Child Welfare.
My final day of work was Friday, December 22. I suppose Patricia
assumed that with my four year career at Child Welfare coming to an end,
maybe I would be receptive to discussing my future. Whatever the
reason, with Christmas three days away, Patricia launched her most serious offensive to date.
When I arrived at her apartment after work,
Patricia had a surprise waiting for me. On her kitchen table I
found two brochures waiting for me. One was from the Rice
University MBA program and the other was from the University of
Houston Law School. A huge frown crossed my face.
This woman never gives up. As I stared at the two
brochures, I knew full well what the implications were. However, I
wanted to hear her say it.
"Patricia, what's the
story on these
brochures? I assume you have a point to make."
"Rick, as you well know,
I think you are wasting a first-rate education on this dancing
hobby. I understand that every young man goes through his ski
instructor phase or his chance to sing in the band, but you are 29
years old. Isn't it about time you got serious about your
future? Stop chasing butterflies and get down to business."
Those were fighting words.
I could feel my temperature rising. And with that, the infamous Rock Star
Argument began.
Fixing a cold stare on
Patricia, I replied, "My, my, aren't you the presumptuous
one to decide what is best for me. What gives you the
right to go ordering these brochures without clearing it with me first?"
"I figure you have
at most two
weeks left to apply for graduate school admission in the Fall
1979. We need to get you pointed in the right direction now
before it is too late."
Patricia's choice of the
word 'we' struck a nerve. There was no 'we' in her decision.
She was basically telling me what to do. Patricia had no idea what
made me tick. Anyone who knew me realized Persuasion was the
only way to reach me short of putting a gun to my head. Katie, the
erstwhile girl of my dreams, had the uncanny ability to reach
the puppy dog side in me. Jenny from last summer had a
similar skill. Patricia was using the wrong tactic on me. A
soft touch was required, but Patricia preferred the sledgehammer. My
porcupine side
emerged and I bristled. It took every ounce of self-control not to
simply say "Fuck you" and walk out the door.
I had reached a crossroad.
Should I stay or should I go? If I left, I would spare
myself an untold amount of trouble. However, since this felt like
the final showdown, why hold anything back? I laid my
cards on the table and spoke from my heart.
"Patricia, you need to understand that teaching dance has given me more satisfaction than anything I have ever done in my life. I love teaching. I love dancing.
I love building my business. I love organizing activities for my
students that allows them to make
friends. When I see this dance group grow before my eyes,
I get excited. I was a failure in graduate school and I was
a failure as a social worker. However, as a dance teacher, for the first time in my life I
see my talents being put to good use. You tell me, Patricia, what
is wrong with doing something that makes me feel fulfilled?"
"As far as I can
tell, ever since
you showed off at Victoria's party, you have let all that
applause go to your head. I certainly understand that you are having a great
deal of fun with this dream job of yours. But stop and think
about it..."
Patricia paused for effect.
"... Isn't it
time you stopped trying to be Rock Star Rick?"
Stunned by the degree of her
contempt, I said nothing. And so Patricia continued.
"Look at yourself. You are almost 30.
I think it's time you faced facts. Your childhood
is over, so stop acting like Peter Pan. You have told me yourself you have
limited talent as a dancer. Considering your so-so dance
skills, where do you expect to go from here? Let's face it,
you don't have the right personality to be a Rock Star and you will never win a dance
contest. It is time to show some maturity. Put down your guitar, say goodbye to the rock band,
get a hair cut, and resume your education like a sensible human
being."
Patricia knocked me on my
ass with her attack. This was a direct assault on
my dance career ambition. She figured the time for tact was over, so
why not let her claws show? Seeing her strong words knock me off balance,
Patricia pressed her advantage.
"Listen to me. You are acting like a teenager who dreams of being a Rock
Star. It
would be one thing if you were some sort of Mick Jagger instead of
Rick Archer, but I've got bad news for you. You're not Rock
Star Rick. You tell me you aren't much of a
dancer, you hate dance contests and you are afraid to perform. You
are shy and unassertive. You readily admit you
are a loner who is not mentally equipped to be the life of the party.
Saddled with limitations you yourself have acknowledged, how will you ever
succeed in this business in the long run?
Seriously, why are you
pinning all your hopes on something with so little promise?
Every person I speak to expects Disco to disappear in a puff of
smoke. Then what? What are you going to do? Can
you see yourself as a Cha Cha instructor for the rest of your life?
Be sensible. Go back to school! If you do, I will
support you 100% for trusting me on this issue.
I
make a lot of money. We can both live on my salary while
you attend school. I am more than willing to invest that money
in you. Just meet me halfway. Please. The time has
come to fulfill your potential."
I could barely breathe.
Patricia had honed her reasoning to perfection. These were such
powerful arguments, I felt very unsure of myself. Who was to say that Patricia
wasn't right? Although Patricia had wounded me
badly, I did the best I could to counter.
"Patricia, I already have an
education. Since my failure in graduate school, I have spent the
past four years in a dead end job. During this time I have been deeply
depressed by my inability to improve the fortunes of my clients even
slightly. Now for the first time in my life I feel like I am
contributing to people's lives. When it comes to teaching
dance, I am really good at what I do. I get compliments on my
teaching and I feel a sense of accomplishment. I
feel more proud of myself than at any other time in my life. I see
no pressing reason to abandon the best thing that has ever happened to
me."
"Okay, so you have warm
fuzzy feelings about your job, good for you. But I have
a better idea. Forget law school and concentrate on an MBA.
Get the kind of knowledge you need to run a dance business the right way and quit
letting Victoria do all the work for you. After you get your
degree, open your own dance
studio if you wish. But for crying out loud, at least find a way to get
to the top of the food chain. As it stands, working under that
jerk Lance Stevens, you're wasting your time."
I was reeling.
Patricia made me feel so foolish for following my dreams that I was
badly out of control. With my judgment impaired, I decided to
reveal my deepest
secret. I had never told Patricia about my belief that God wanted
me to pursue this dance path.
"You are right, Patricia.
You are absolutely right. Everything you say makes a lot of sense. But there is something you don't know,
something I have never told you before."
Patricia looked at me
skeptically. "I'm listening."
"I did not set out to
be a dance teacher. I took dance lessons as a hobby and I
occasionally dreamed of teaching a dance class. However, I did not
visualize making a career out of it. One day last year some strange things
started happening. Out of nowhere I got a lucky break. Then
I got another lucky break. Within just a few months, I kept getting one lucky break after another. Doors opened
without me even knocking. Suddenly I found myself doing something
I truly enjoyed and I was good at it. I don't know you if you will believe
me, but
circumstances in my life have led me to
feel like I am doing something I was meant to do. I believe I am
following a Divine Path of some sort. I want to see where this
road takes me. I will never forgive myself if I stop now."
Fearing I had opened myself
to ridicule, I felt incredibly vulnerable. What would Patricia think? I had never dared
to speak of
my belief in Destiny to anyone. I had no idea if Patricia had a
superstitious bent like me, but somehow I doubted it. Sad to say, I was correct.
The moment I saw her stare at me with that incredulous look, I could see
she
wasn't buying my Mysticism argument for a moment. Patricia was the
level-headed pragmatic type, practical to a fault.
"You have got to be
kidding. You should listen to yourself and hear how
ridiculous this sounds. Do you really think that God is telling you what to do?
Seriously, when was the last time you saw a burning bush or a
parting sea? Until you see someone dancing on water, you need
to come to your senses.
Patricia paused for a
moment, then began shaking her head in a way that reflected her disgust.
"Rick, listen to me.
There is a term for this kind of thinking. It is called 'delusional
thought'. To me, your claim that God has some plan for you
sounds like a fanciful excuse you have concocted to justify indulging your Rock Star Rick fantasy.
How many times do I have
to say this? You are the beneficiary
of a top-flight education. You are a St. Johns-Johns
Hopkins graduate who could have any job on earth if you set
your mind to it. All you have to do is put in the work,
something you are good at. Isn't it time to stop being a silly
little
boy and grow up? I am warning you this dancing fad will be gone tomorrow.
What will you tell me then? 'Oh, gee,
Patricia, God must
have changed His mind. He doesn't like Disco music anymore.'
I am not telling you to
quit dancing. Yes, enjoy your dancing
while it lasts, but apply to graduate school today.
Then at least you will have graduate school as an option next fall
when Disco crawls back under whatever rock it came from. I
hate to burst your bubble, but it is
time to be realistic about your frivolous dancing dreams. A
career in dance is beneath you."
I was crushed. Patricia had
used harsh terms to dismiss
the most important thing in my life as child's play. Not only had she
made it clear she believed I was wasting my time, she discarded my
spiritual beliefs as
sheer nonsense. Patricia stopped just short of being scornful, but
her contempt was obvious. Most painful of all,
she expressed herself so well that I was deeply worried she might be
right. My Mysticism did not stand a chance against her Realism. Patricia had won the Rock Star Argument in spectacular
fashion.
I couldn't take it any more.
With my entire belief system
withering under attack, I needed
sanctuary. First I stood
up. Then I picked the pamphlets up off the table and threw them into a
nearby wastebasket. Then I walked out
the door.
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DECEMBER 1978, the disco years
THE DARK DAYS OF
DECEMBER
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I thought of
Eric as I drove home. Given the classic
David versus Goliath mismatch, I had no hope of defeating
Eric. The memory of how he self-destructed seemed so
unreal, at the time I had wondered
if an Invisible Being had
intervened. No matter how inept I was compared to
Eric, it seemed like God had cleared a path for me. I
was so overwhelmed with awe that I began to wonder if I had been 'chosen'
for this role. That is how it felt. That was the moment I began to believe
this dance job was my Destiny. Believing that was the case, I made a sacred vow to
do the best I possibly could. It was an honor to be
given this gift, so now it was my duty to cherish it.
Now I was being
tested in the most painful way possible. Patricia had
made a deep and painful impression when she used the
word 'delusional'. It really upset
me to acknowledge my entire life goal was based on a hunch. If Patricia asked me for one
shred of evidence to prove my Destiny theory, I would be
forced to admit it was all based on a series of lucky
breaks. Considering Patricia was firmly
ensconced in the Material World, this was not
an argument I had much hope of winning. Her skepticism sent me
into a serious funk.
My Faith was
being tested like never before. Patricia had made me
feel like a complete fool for putting my trust in God.
Her arguments were so powerful, she had placed considerable
doubt in my mind. Right now I felt like the proverbial
fool on the hill who climbs a mountain and proclaims the
world will end tomorrow because God told him so. I
hated to admit, but maybe Patricia was right. Maybe I
really should live my life by the Rules of the Material
World rather than put all my hopes in this long-shot dream.
Her strongest point was my alarming lack of dance talent.
Her 'Rock Star Rick' ridicule had struck home in the
same way as the ancient 'Creepy Loser Kid' taunt.
Yes, I had improved, but in my heart I knew I would never
win the big dance contest at the end of the movie.
Based on the Rules of Reality, people are supposed to
succeed based on talent, not luck.
But then I
rallied. What about the Mistress Book
omen that had led to all these lucky breaks? What
about the five Stepping Stones that put me in the right
place at the perfect time to take advantage of the
Saturday Night Fever phenomenon? What about my
repeated success in putting together partner dance programs
without any sort of teacher to guide me? Most of all,
what about Eric? How could I forget my sacred vow to
do the very best I could to show gratitude for being given
this teaching opportunity? No matter how much scorn
Patricia showered me with, I refused to turn my back on my
sacred vow. As I told Patricia, I would never forgive
myself if I abandoned this Path that I had promised God to
see to the end. I nodded to myself. I intended
to keep that promise.
As for my
relationship with Patricia, that was a different matter. My humiliating
defeat in the Rock Star Argument was the last
straw. I
had no intention of resuming things. This fragile
relationship was a continual headache.
Convinced that Patricia would never see things from my point of view,
what was the point of investing further time in a woman whose attitude
on life was the
polar opposite of mine?
It was time to jump ship. Only one problem. There
was no other ship waiting for me. I had picked the absolute worst time
of the year to walk away from Patricia. There was not a single woman out
there I wanted to date. With Christmas just days away, this was
hardly the time to hit the dance clubs in search of a new girlfriend.
The studio was closed till after New Year. The phone was silent and there were no invitations to
Christmas Parties sitting in my mailbox. My job at Child Welfare had ended and there was
nothing to do at the
studio. Victoria was out of town and Joanne posed more temptation
than I had the strength to deal with. As for Patricia,
she was the last person
on earth I wanted to see. In short, I was
completely on my own for two weeks. It was sad in a
way. I had lots of friends, but I wasn't close to
anyone except Victoria, Joanne and Patricia. There was nothing
for me to do but catch up on my reading.
On my way to the bookstore, I
heard a country-western song playing on my
Christmas music radio station. Since I detested country music, I groaned when
some country singer named Merle Haggard started twanging away. Before I could change the station, I heard
a couple lyrics about how miserable the guy was during the Holidays.
Since I was feeling pretty
miserable myself, I kept listening.
Some guy got laid off from his job and now he couldn't buy his children any
Christmas presents. Things got worse from there.
I was no fan of country music, but this depressing song cut right
through my defenses.
Dear God, is anyone happy? Definitely not me.
I nodded when I
heard the name of the song... If We Make it Through December.
Ah, just what I need, someone singing the Christmas blues for
people who are depressed like me. I hummed the lyrics non-stop for an
entire week.
"Help me make it through December!"
I hated December. I
hated it with a
passion.
January could not possibly come soon enough so I could return to
dancing. Patricia had really gotten under my skin with her
powerful arguments. Although Disco showed no signs of abating,
Patricia had me very worried. Her suggestion that
Disco might
fold in a few months haunted me no end. Considering I
had just quit my day job, I was scared to death she might be right. If Disco
was just a fad, I was in serious trouble. Patricia's advice was
starting to sound better. What would it hurt to apply to graduate school
just in case?
Most of all, Patricia had
really upset me when she laughed with contempt at my 'Destiny' angle.
I wished I had never said a word.
I had no idea her doubt would hurt so much, but I could not get her
derision out of my mind. My Realistic side and
my Mystic side had been in constant debate ever since. I hated to
admit it, but Patricia had a point. To date, not one Angel had
appeared to reveal God's plan. The only way my career dream
made the slightest bit of sense was to believe in my Inner Voice. It all boiled
down to Faith, didn't it?
I spent several
dark, lonely nights mulling over Patricia's doomsday
scenario. Patricia had placed so much
doubt in my mind, who knows, ten years
from now, I might look back and decide hanging on to this dancing job was the dumbest
thing I had ever done. Not only had I just quit my day job, I was completely dependent on Victoria to make my dancing job work.
Victoria had indicated she planned to return, but what if
she changed her mind over the Holidays? If Victoria walked or Disco faded,
turn out the lights, the party's over.
I was pretty
blue for a while there, but then I rallied. If
Disco faded, I would be disappointed, but it wouldn't be the end.
I could always look for another job, maybe even reconsider graduate school. Money was not a problem. I had a deep nest egg
from working two jobs for a year, so my financial situation was
pretty solid. It helped that no one
depended on me. If this Dance Path turned out to be an
illusion, so be it. But I would never be able to live with myself
if I did not follow this Magic Carpet Ride to its conclusion. Although my
Faith
was badly
shaken by Patricia's skepticism, I decided to follow my heart.
In the meantime
this loneliness and insecurity was
killing me. Days went by when I never left the house and
never spoke on the phone. Idle hands are the Devil's workshop.
All I did was worry and despair. Just help
me make it through December.
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DECEMBER 30, 1978
A DATE FOR NEW
YEAR'S EVE
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The phone rang
on the morning before New Year's Eve. It had been so long
since the phone rang I nearly jumped out of my skin. As I feared,
it was Patricia. I was not happy to hear
her voice, not happy at all. I wanted this fiasco to be over. So why was she calling? I assumed she
wanted to torture
me some more, but
I was wrong. Patricia began
by apologizing for our argument a week ago. Perhaps she had
come on too strong.
'Perhaps?'
More like dropping a giant boulder. I did not like the
conciliatory sound of her voice. Although it sounded like she was trying to mend
fences, I shook my head in disgust. Please, not this again.
We should have broken up after Thanksgiving. We should
have broken up after the Pistachio Party. We should
have broken up after the Rock Star Argument. When will this
nightmare end? Let's
stop wasting our time and just walk away. Frustrated, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
I wanted to break this off before she could say anything to change my mind.
"Look, Patricia,
I really have to hand it to you. When you say you
aren't one to give up easily, you mean it. I appreciate that
you called me, but we have argued one time too many."
Then I hesitated in order to
find the right words to say goodbye. I laughed when words from
Sound of Music began playing in my head. "So
long, farewell, adieu, adieu, adieu to you and you and you."
Big mistake. Before I could
resume, the silver-tongued devil cut in.
"Hey, Rick,
stop there. I get
it. You're right, we argue too much. But I didn't
call to fight. I am just as sick of fighting as
you. I called to
ask what we are doing for New Year's Eve."
What!?! Talk about judo!
Patricia
flipped me with that one. I was speechless, so Patricia rambled on.
"Hey,
don't be so shocked. I'm a single girl. I don't want to spend New
Year's Eve alone. I'm lonely and I need a date."
I was incredulous.
This was absurd, but I had to admit I was going out of my mind with
loneliness. Oh, well, what's the harm? She promised to be on
good behavior, so a date for old
time's sake might work.
"Okay, Patricia, you're
on, but only if you promise no arguing about Law School."
"I promise."
"Then I will see
you on New Year's Eve."
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After I hung up
the phone, I felt a sudden flicker of hope. Absence made the heart
grow fonder and a woman who looked like Venus had just
called for a date. I liked the sound of her
voice. If we could just stop
arguing, I would be willing to try again.
Why not give it the best shot I
was capable of? Why not start the New Year the
right way? I had a chance to take a sensational beauty out on the town on New Year's Eve. How about dinner at
a very nice place? How about a visit to ritzy élan afterwards
and
dance the night away??
If things went
well at élan, perhaps some dance magic would rekindle the
flame we once had. No doubt we would be a terrific
looking couple and quite possibly the best dancers in
the club. Patricia would be the star for sure.
There would be no Victoria to harass her, no Joanne to
upstage her. This could be a night of glory for my Princess. Would it work? Would a great night of
dancing change her mind? Maybe, just
maybe...
I recalled how
thrilled Nancy had been to visit élan last
summer and how she ruled the night. Patricia would
have no trouble achieving a similar triumph. What
better place for a stunning woman like Patricia to shine?
Patricia was born for the Spotlight and I was capable of
handing it to her.
With just a
taste of Stardom, Patricia might realize the Dance World had
a pedestal waiting for her. A special night of dancing
might open her eyes. Perhaps
she would change her mind and support my dance career.
Who knows what I might accomplish if I had a woman of her
brilliance and beside me? Maybe, just maybe there was hope
for us after all, a happy ending at the end of the rainbow.
|
SUNDAY,
DECEMBER 31, 1978, the disco years
NEW YEAR'S EVE
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As I dressed for
our date, I had a premonition that something was wrong.
There was something in her voice when I called that
afternoon to confirm. I had a disturbing thought as I drove to
pick her up. Why was Patricia available on New Year's
Eve? I was convinced she had seen somebody on the
night she disappeared prior to the Christmas Party. If
so, why wasn't she with him tonight? Hmm. Maybe the man was married.
Patricia admitted she had a bad habit of acquiring
married men.
Sure enough, something was wrong with Patricia.
I knew it the moment she opened the door. Something had
changed. Less than 24 hours ago, Patricia had been
warm on the phone. Now she was distant.
Patricia's heart was not even remotely in the evening.
Throughout dinner, she barely touched her food.
"What's the
matter, Patricia? You seem preoccupied."
"Nothing's
wrong, I just have a lot on my mind."
"Like what?
Why not talk about it?"
"Just stuff at work. I have a lot on my plate right now,
but it is depressing to talk about."
|
We ate in
silence. It crossed my mind that when we didn't argue,
we didn't have much else to talk about. She clearly was not
enjoying my company, so what was going on
here? Considering this date was her idea, why had Patricia bothered to call?
Couldn't she at least try to be my friend? If she had changed her mind about seeing me, why not call and save us both the misery?
Why make me go through this Charade?
Patricia really
knew how to pull the rug out from under me. I felt like a fool for pinning so much hope on renewing our affection.
How many times did I have to beat my head against a wall to
realize this woman could care less about me? Now
I was angry at myself. I should have known better.
Watching Patricia go through the motions, it was a shame how
easily my loneliness
had overcome my common sense. Loneliness does terrible things to people.
It causes us to take risks that don't always work out.
Given her
current mood, I knew it was a long shot, but I brought up
the subject of going dancing anyway. "Would you
like to go dancing at élan?"
"That's a
nice gesture, but I don't feel like dancing
tonight.
After all the problems we have been through regarding your dance
career, the dance
floor is the last place I want to be. Why don't you
just take me home? We can watch the New Year
Countdown on TV and have some champagne."
So much for my
wonderful New Year's Eve fantasy. My hopes of
using an evening of dance and romance to restore our relationship were blown to smithereens. So
I took her home.
Considering the tepid conversation at dinner, I expected
to say goodnight at the door. However, a clearly
subdued Patricia
surprised me by inviting me in.
While we sat on
the couch, Patricia initiated sex.
Patricia always enjoyed being the aggressor, another
symbol of her domination. However, this
time it was a mistake. Patricia showed little
enthusiasm. Afterwards she gave me a perfunctory kiss
and went to bed. Whatever was on
her mind, Patricia clearly regretted seeing me.
Feeling
humiliated, I remained on the
couch
to watch TV and think things over. I reviewed the good
times and the bad. Nothing had gone right since the
Clash of the Titans at Victoria's Halloween Party.
Ever since, our relationship had been two months of
neverending torment.
10-9-8-7-6. As I watched the Disco Ball descend, I had no idea
the worst year of my life awaited me. 5-4-3-2-1.
Happy New Year!
Yeah, right. I laughed scornfully. Ain't no
happiness here. I wanted
to leave, but decided to stick around so I could officially
end this relationship in the morning. Let's get it
over with once and for all. Preferring to
avoid Patricia until then, I slept on the couch.
The Year of Living Dangerously had begun.
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