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Rick Archer's Note:
So the question
boiled down to one thing... could I resist her? I was reminded through no fault of his own,
King Arthur lost his wife to the amorous
advances of a man he had trusted. Lives were lost
in duels, Lancelot became a hermit, Guinevere became
a nun at Amesbury. In Arthurian Legend, the morale of the Kingdom was
shattered. Did I really
want to do this to Michael? Of course
not. Did I wish to damage the life of a small girl
in the same way my own life had been sabotaged by a
mistress? Did I really wish to jeopardize my
dance program, the very thing I had dedicated my life to grow and
preserve? Of course not.
At the same
time, I was forced to admit I desired Victoria.
If I wasn't careful, I could very well fall for this woman.
My conscience and desire wrestled over the issue
constantly. Take my word for it, women who look like
Victoria
are difficult to turn down. It is one thing to have lofty morals in one's
private thoughts, but when a beautiful woman
comes knocking and opens her arms, that
is the real test of fire. My fear of
letting down my guard became a daily burden. I could resist the forbidden woman
if she behaved and kept
her distance, but would my defenses hold if Victoria got too close? What would happen if
Victoria put her arms around me and got me aroused? That
was my biggest fear. If Victoria made a strong
move, I might be rendered senseless.
I needed to
figure out how to head this strong-willed woman off at
the pass. I had hoped that resurrecting
Patricia from the dustbin would protect me.
Unfortunately, Patricia failed to provide the strongest
antidote to an affair... 'Commitment and Loyalty'. I was not in love with
Patricia, but I did have feelings for Victoria.
Those feelings made me vulnerable to
Victoria's charms. Despite my weakness, I was
determined to say no.
As
long as Victoria wore her Wedding Ring, I
vowed there would be no Adultery.
Only one
problem. What Victoria wants, Victoria gets.
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Wednesday, May 23, 1979
AFFIRMATION
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My Dance with the
Devil had left me badly shaken. I had come so close to
ruining my life. Too much wine! Too much touching
those bare legs in acrobatics class. Unable to get
Victoria off my mind, the temptation was killing me. I
felt like my life was spinning out of control. I was so
confused that I had resumed my relationship with Patricia, a
self-centered, immoral vixen. It had been a desperate
attempt to avoid an affair with Victoria. Now to my
dismay, I had just discovered Patricia could not quell my ardor for Victoria. Given the
overwhelming build-up of sexual tension, what could I
possibly do to stop this Affair with Victoria from happening?
This was
ridiculous!!! Twelve days ago I had driven to
Victoria's house to save her marriage. Now I had
narrowly avoided doing the exact thing I promised
Michael had never happened. What kind of man was
I? I was ashamed to admit I had never desired a
woman quite so much as I did the moment Victoria had laid her
hand on mine. How
was it possible for Victoria to beg me to save her marriage
one day, then turn around and beg me to ruin it the
next? Were we both completely sick in the head?
Whenever
my brain was not fogged by passion, I was certain an
Affair with Victoria was a road which led straight to misery.
I knew this to the core of my being and yet the Heat of the
Moment had almost been too powerful to overcome. That
knowledge scared the wits out me. The thought that
passion was more powerful than all the common sense in the
world left me feeling weak.
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I
let a few days pass. Finally I couldn't take it any more.
Fearing Victoria's power over me, I had
to make her promise not to come after me again. I
did not trust myself to turn her down a second time,
especially if we were alone. How could I forget the
urgency? The only reason I
survived La Madeleine was the people around us. It was that close.
If we had been alone at her house or the dance studio after
hours, I was pretty sure I would have gone over the cliff
with an act of certain self-destruction.
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Determined to
avoid a repeat of our Dance with the Devil, I wrote out
an Affirmation as a way to declare our
intention to keep our hands where they belonged. I
demanded that Victoria
sign it.
We, Victoria and Rick, on this the
23rd day of May 1979, hereby agree to:
 Be lovers in spirit only... unless
permission is granted by both of our spouses either actively by their word or
passively by their departure from our lives.
Be best friends in the eyes of the
world.
Be accepting and supportive of the
presence of one another's spouses in our lives.
Act with with restraint at all times
in public as to our affection for one another.
Act in cooperation with one another
in our joint effort to build a Dance Empire.
Victoria took
one look at the document, sighed, then signed it wordlessly.
I
could tell Victoria was just as shaken as I was. At heart,
I did not believe Victoria was the cheating kind. I
think she was just as terrified of another bout of spontaneous combustion as I
was.
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SATURDAY, May 26, 1979
AN AWKWARD DISCOVERY
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There was a strange
twist to the Affirmation story. Due to the
remorse I felt for coming so close to breaking my
Code of Honor with Victoria, I decided to try harder
to revive my failing relationship with Patricia.
Meanwhile Patricia was off kilter as well. Who
knows, maybe she had the capacity for guilt after
all. She had not been her usual confident self
ever since the Bob and Scorched
Earth stunts three weeks ago. Consequently
she was pleasantly
amenable to the idea. Together we pledged to dedicate
ourselves to try again.
As a sign of
good faith, Patricia offered to spend Memorial Day
weekend with me at
my house.
This was a big step for her. So far our relationship
had been conducted exclusively at her apartment.
She never said it out loud, but I suspected my
run-down, fix-it-up house was beneath her. Patricia had not
visited once since a brief 10-minute stop back in
November. Claiming she was afraid of dogs,
Patricia had refused to get out of the car .
Ever since, her continued avoidance of my house was a hurtful
symbol of our Rich Girl-Poor Boy
relationship.
I skipped Pistachio on Friday,
May 25, and we spent a
very pleasant night together. Patricia was even
nice to my dogs. Imagine that. She was
really trying! I was pleased. It seemed like Patricia was actually trying to restore our
relationship. This was not a game for her. She
still had no idea how we would ever solve our differences on the
money issue, but she was trying hard to wrap
her mind around the idea that some things are more important
than money. Can I be honest? I was very touched
by her gesture. Maybe there was hope for us after all.
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But some things
are not meant to be. On Saturday morning, May 26, Fate reared its ugly head. Patricia stayed behind as I went to the studio to teach a one-hour
private lesson. When I came home later that morning, Patricia was gone. I
was shocked to find a
note from Patricia. It was paper-clipped to the Affirmation I had signed
with Victoria three days ago.
"I wasn't
snooping, Rick. I looked in your drawer to find a
pencil to do my work. I thought this was one of
your lovely affirmations you've been doing. I
plead innocent to invading your privacy.
It seems
to me that Victoria and I are hearing different stories,
Rick. I do not feel comfortable here so I'm
going home."
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Alarmed and
embarrassed, I called Patricia at home. Patricia was
not in a particularly understanding mood. Now guess
who held the Upper Hand?
There was no way
I was going to tell Patricia about the recent Dance with the
Devil incident that had led to this document in the first place.
Consequently, my excuses had an air of insincerity to them.
"Look, Patricia,
we both know that Victoria is up to no good. You
reached this conclusion the moment you met her long ago and
I now agree with you. After you blew up and
called Michael on the phone, I decided it was time to have a
frank talk with Victoria. I was bound and determined
to get Victoria to agree to back off. So I made
her sign a contract. This way there could be no doubt
that I was telling
Victoria to put on the brakes. So why are you busting
my chops?"
I tried to blame
it all on Victoria, but Patricia wasn't buying it.
"Oh my god,
you are such a liar, Rick. I can see right through
you. That entire document is such a load of crap.
I copied it just so I could study it some more when I
calmed down. You say you are putting distance
between you and Victoria, so try explaining "Be lovers in spirit only... unless
permission is granted by both of our spouses either actively by their word or
passively by their departure from our lives."
I can read
between the lines as well as any other person. Your Affirmation
makes it clear you want to screw her brains out,
but maybe it would be best to wait a little while
longer till you can get rid of me and Victoria can get
rid of Michael. Is that correct or am I
interpreting this wrong? Oh, by the way, since when am I your spouse?"
"Let me
explain..."
"Oh, knock
it off. I don't want hear it. Don't even open your mouth. Do you want to know what that document
really says?"
"No, tell me."
"It says "Let's
fuck!" You know what? I can't wait to show this to
Michael. Then you can get your wish."
And with that,
Patricia slammed down the phone.
I sat there
staring at the phone crestfallen. I took out
Victoria's
Affirmation and read it again. Patricia was
right. My flowery, noble words were insufficient
to disguise the truth. I had so much desire for Victoria
right now I
could not even write the document correctly. Every time I looked at
the words 'Dance Empire', I wanted to vomit. Embarrassed, I turned
crimson-faced with shame.
I called
Patricia back to apologize. When she answered the
phone, it sounded like she had been crying. If so,
that was a first.
Patricia cut me
off. "I don't want to hear your damn apology.
No, I'm not going to call Michael again if that's what
you're worried about. If you want Victoria, you can
have her. Just leave me alone. I have some
thinking to do."
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Sigmund Freud
wrote about the need for the conscious mind to avoid
admitting forbidden impulses. It was painful to accept
that Patricia had seen right through my ridiculous
Affirmation. I was ashamed to admit my conscious
attempts to put an end to Victoria's seduction were little
better than lying to myself.
Temptation
usually sneaks through a door that has been deliberately
left open. Well aware that Victoria had left the door
ajar,
I was weakening fast.
Virtually
against my will, I felt myself being drawn to Victoria. No matter how many
times I promised myself to be virtuous, if Victoria decided
to touch me when we were alone, I was a goner.
Everyone knows
right from wrong, but it seems to me that Wrong wins a lot
more often than it should. The human sex drive is so powerful that men and women have been known to lose control if they get too close.
If the temptation is too great and the circumstances too
inviting, good intentions fly out the window. How else do we explain the
overabundance of illicit affairs and unwanted pregnancies?
I understood more than ever before
the need to keep Patricia around to avoid
losing control to my unacceptable desire for Victoria.
Once I recovered from my shame,
I was
actually grateful that Patricia had found that document.
My ardor for Victoria cooled considerably the moment Patricia slammed
down the phone. Her wrath helped me regain my
self-control.
With my resistance razor thin, I
cursed my helplessness. How much longer could I resist
the Siren Call of my tormentor? And so, with
a heavy heart I picked up the phone a second time. Patricia
reluctantly gave me permission to come see her. Here
we go again.
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