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Rick Archer's Note:
Following
Joanne's blow-up at Annabelle's, I doubted
seriously I would ever see her again. I had no
intention of visiting the Cactus Club and I was certain she
felt the same way about Annabelle's and the
Pistachio Club. I felt her loss keenly.
I wanted to call Joanne and apologize for the behavior of
the bitter Disco students, but what good would it do? As
far as I was concerned, Country-Western was my enemy.
As a result, our lives no longer intersected. With
great regret, I decided
to leave her alone.
I shook my head
in disgust. From the moment I met Joanne, I had
believed Fate had sent her to me. It was my
responsibility to protect Joanne, to help her come out of
her shell. However I had
violated my solemn promise, instead giving in to
my selfish impulse. Ever since the Dangerous Liaison,
I had been unable to protect Joanne from the wrath of the
two Divas for fear my dark secret would be revealed.
With my hands tied, I watched in silent anger as Victoria
and Patricia took turns ripping her apart.
Now that my friend was
gone, I was forced to pay a bitter price for my
indiscretion. Sad to say, I think Joanne suffered even more than me.
Although Joanne had trusted me, I had failed her time after time. The guilt
I felt hurt like hell.
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JUNE 1979
PATRICIA ON THE WARPATH
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Victoria's
insult at the Sugar Creek Country Club
had provoked a renewal of the endless bickering over the
Supreme Diva's unwelcome presence in my life. Victoria's upsmanship following our dance performance had infuriated Patricia. She had attended
the performance in the spirit of friendship only to see
Victoria violate her trust with a cheap trick to shut her
out. Patricia was convinced it was a pre-planned stunt
between Victoria and Darya to exclude her from the victory
parade. Now that Victoria had blatantly broken the truce, Patricia was
understandably bitter over being humiliated. Unable to
take her anger out of Victoria, she directed her wrath at me
instead. Patricia demanded I do something about it.
"Like what,
Patricia? What do you suggest? Oh sure,
like I possess the leverage to make Victoria
apologize for walking arm in arm with me around a country
club. I agree what Victoria did was wrong, but what do you
want me to do about it?"
"Get rid of
her, damn it! Or admit that Disco is doomed and apply to
graduate school."
"Or maybe we
should just break up. That would solve everything."
"Trust me,
I've thought about it."
We were hanging
on by a thread.
Every
time I saw Patricia that week, she complained about
Victoria. My ears developed blisters from the constant abuse.
But that wasn't
the end of it. Victoria did the same thing.
During the same week, Victoria
complained about
Patricia to me. Victoria had seen Patricia's hateful
gaze and got her nose bent out of shape. I was angry
at Victoria because she knew damn well she had provoked the situation,
but pretended otherwise. I was fed up.
Caught in the middle, I wanted the women to stop taking their anger out on me.
Plus I had Joanne on my conscience to boot. I
wanted to curl up and go fetal in the worst way.
I had never hated my Triangle more than I did now.
Strangulation by Triangulation.
Given that my relationship
with Patricia was on life support, I assumed the only
reason the Manhunter stuck around was lack of a viable
replacement.
It seemed to me that Patricia did not like being alone. She was more
the "jump ship" type, string one guy along till
someone equal or better came along. Recalling Bob and
George, I assumed she was conducting interviews behind my
back at this very minute. No doubt it was
just a matter of time till I was replaced.
Or maybe she was sticking around for one last chance to go
Scorched Earth again.
I assumed Patricia's plan was to
find an opening to ruin Victoria's life, then leave in a
blaze of glory. As for me, I wondered why I stuck
around. The main reason of course was to keep Victoria
in check. And, painful as it was to admit, I kept
thinking how great our relationship was
whenever Victoria was not around to stir up trouble. I
have spoken of Patricia's beauty, but she was also
the most intelligent woman I had ever met. We had
come so close over the Memorial Day Weekend only to have
Patricia's discovery of the Victoria Affirmation ruin
everything. Oh, well, I thought, let's give it one
more try.
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SATURDAY,
JUNE 23, 1979, the disco years, AGE 29
THE SECOND GIANT TEDDY BEAR
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It was Saturday, June 23.
I
loved using my afternoon trip to Clear Lake as a way to escape the constant bellyaching. After a week of turmoil
from the Divas of Disaster, I was
grateful for this exquisite moment of peace.
When I
walked into the Bal Harbour clubhouse, I was greeted by two giant
life-size Teddy Bears standing side by side.
Someone had found a way to join their arms together to
resemble a dancing couple. Cute.
"All right,
everyone, you people have an interesting way of advertising
your latest triumph at Spats, but I have some bad news for you." Pointing
to the two bears, "Now that we have a new couple, someone's
going to have pay for their lesson."
That earned me a quick
laugh. "Okay, so who's the big winner this week?"
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One of the men,
a Dean Martin lookalike named Bruce, exclaimed, "See if you can guess!"
Bruce loved to
give me a hard time in a fun way. Given our rapport, I
wasted no time firing the first shot. "Well, it couldn't have been you, Bruce. Everyone
knows how shy and inhibited you are. Plus you can't even tie your
shoelaces without Margaret's help."
That got another
laugh. Bruce was always telling everyone how good he
was, but more as a standing joke than actual boasting.
I expected a comeback from Bruce, but no one said a word.
There were poker faces all around.
Playing a hunch,
I said, "Oh, no, not you! Bruce, please don't tell me it was you.
Margaret's okay, but you give me more trouble than the
entire class put together. Anyone but you guys."
When I saw Bruce
and Margaret exchange huge grins, I had my answer. I
groaned audibly and feigned dismay. "Oh no, that is
terrible news. Did you cheat? How else could
this happen? I'm never gonna hear the end of this."
My pretense of
dismay was a big hit. Bruce and Margaret were
much loved friends to everyone. Bruce was the class clown
while Margaret pretended to be his long-suffering wife.
"Okay,
everyone, so now your group has two winners. Who is
batter up for the next bear?"
This time Dennis
spoke. Dennis and Linda were the class leaders.
"After
class last week we returned to Spats.
To our surprise, the contest was still being continued.
This time the group nominated Bruce and Margaret to do
the honors. And they were wonderful. They
were definitely the best dancers in the contest."
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Smiling at Bruce
and Margaret, it was time to sing their praises. "Well, I'll
be darned! Good for you guys!"
After a pause, I asked, "So who's the nominee for
tonight's contest?"
"Why
don't you enter, Rick?" Dennis said. "I will loan you
Linda, but you have to promise to give her back
after you win."
That
suggestion brought on gales of laughter. This was the second week in a row my Clear Lake students had asked me
to consider entering the
contest. They really wanted to see me dance.
I resisted because it just didn't seem fair. If my
students could win handily, then I was fairly sure their teacher would win
by a landslide. I wanted to please them, but at
the same time the
concept violated my sense of Fair Play. To be
polite, I said I would think about it.
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As I set up
my music equipment, I smiled as Bruce and
Margaret basked in a round of nice compliments from their friends.
It was sweet to see how proud they
were. I loved Bruce and Margaret.
Roughly ten years older than me, they were as kind to me as humanly possible.
I liked the way Bruce always kept everyone laughing. He
was a very funny guy. Tonight was a good example. In the middle of
class, Bruce was the first to nail my newest combination.
Impressed, I
quickly
exclaimed, "Well,
Bruce, look at you. Now I see how you won last week's
contest. That was perfect!"
In a playful
tone, Bruce put his hand to his ear, then replied, "What did you say, Rick? I want
to make sure I heard you correctly."
Of course that
got everyone's attention, so I made sure to repeat the
compliment while his friends grinned. "Bruce,
you did that to perfection! You are a star in the
making."
Everyone made sure to
clap as Bruce bowed to the applause. Then he made a
show of taking a seat. Ignoring his latest antic, I
resumed teaching. Two minutes
later, Margaret came over to me. "Will you tell Bruce
to get off his butt and dance with me?"
"What's the
matter, Margaret?"
"Ever since
you told him he was perfect, he sat down and refuses to
move. He doesn't want to make a mistake and risk
his perfect record."
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I cracked up.
Everyone knew Bruce was milking the situation for more
attention and I was happy to oblige. Our bickering was
what crowd had come to expect. I stopped class and
began teasing Bruce in front of everyone.
"What is
wrong with you,
Bruce? You win one contest and get a compliment from me,
so now you've got the big head? Suddenly you're
ready to start handing out autographs."
"Naw naw,
that's not it. This is your fault, Rick. You
are always mean to me. You never say a mean word
to Margaret, but you act like I have a bull's eye
on my back. Everyone knows you pick on
me more than anyone else. I am sitting because I want to get through one class
in my life without you telling me what I did wrong."
That made me
laugh. "I had forgotten how sensitive you are.
I'll tell you what. If you will dance with Margaret
again, I promise not to criticize you."
"No, that's
not good enough. I will only get up if you
promise to come to Spats with us tonight. Dennis is right. You need to enter the
contest. Dennis just offered you Linda.
That's a great idea. Linda's so good, you would be
a cinch to win."
Amidst the
laughter, the
whole class agreed with Bruce. "We want to watch you dance, Rick!
Come with us tonight."
I was flattered,
of course, but the Fairness principle held me back. "Give me a
break, guys. It wouldn't be right. I'll tell you what,
let's finish class and give me some more time to think about it."
Shortly after, I turned on the music and told everyone to practice.
Since everyone had a partner, I stood aside and watched.
I very much wanted to reward their sincere compliment.
Ordinarily I would have snuck Joanne down here and granted
their wish. However, I had
already made a decision to leave her alone after last week's
problems at Annabelle's. Why take a
chance of inviting further trouble? Besides, no doubt
Patricia would ask why I stayed out so late.
Victoria
was out of the question. To invite her would give
Patricia motive
to murder me. Who else could I invite? I could win with anyone. That
is when an odd thought crossed my mind. What about
Patricia? I wondered if winning this contest might
serve as a way to rekindle my failing relationship with Patricia.
After all, Patricia resented Victoria because she was
the Dancing Queen. What would happen if Patricia got a
chance to be the Dancing Queen herself? A victory at
Spats would even the score with Victoria for
her recent stunt at the Sugar Creek Country Club.
It would rankle Victoria no end to discover Patricia had won
a dance contest. That would give Patricia the payback
she crazed. Hmm. This
was a good idea. After all the things we had been through, I was willing to
give saving our relationship this one last chance.
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At the end of class, I
decided to see what the group thought. "Okay, guys, I
want to know if you are serious about me entering that
contest. I am skeptical about how fair it would be."
Everyone nodded.
Tommy, the first winner, spoke up.
"We
know how you feel. Hazel and I felt the same way
when we entered. And I bet Mr. Perfect over there
felt the same way. For the past two weeks, it has
been no contest. Of
course it's not fair. But a lot
of these people know us from the Clear Lake community.
They don't mind. They know we practice all the time,
so there's no animosity. They tease us, but mostly
they like watching us dance. I mean, take some credit for what you've done here. You've turned us into dancing
machines. We have yet to see one couple who could give
us a run for our money. So what difference does it
make who wins? What the patrons come for is to see
good dancing. They would enjoy watching you perform
just as much as we would."
At that, the
whole group nodded their support for the idea. Their
encouragement removed my main reservation.
"Okay, if
you are serious about me entering the contest, then I will ask
my girlfriend and invite her down next week. Patricia
is bound to be skittish, so if she won't do it, then I will borrow one of your wives. Will
that be okay?"
The seven
couples were thrilled at the idea,
so I promised to go through with it. The big question
is what Patricia would say. Given her
perpetual bad mood, I was not optimistic. When I returned to
Houston that evening, I asked Patricia to enter this oddball
dance contest in Clear Lake. As expected, Patricia
turned me down cold. No surprise.
Patricia was still in a foul mood. Anything to
do with dance set her off, so I dropped the subject.
However, I wasn't worried. I decided to wait a couple
days and try again. Once I used my
secret weapon, I was certain she would
change her mind. See if you can guess what I did.
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TUESDAY,
JUNE 26
THE EUROPEAN ARRANGEMENT
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It was Tuesday,
June 26, a day which shall live in infamy.
Joanne was so mad at me she left my life. Patricia
was so mad at me she was getting ready to leave my life.
But not Victoria. She had no intention of
leaving my life. In fact, she was in a very
good mood during our Tuesday private lesson with
Glen. Afterwards, we headed back
to La Madeleine, better known as the
Devil's Workshop. La Madeleine had been the
scene of Victoria's declaration of love one month
ago. Our Dance with the Devil had missed going full
Chernobyl by the narrowest of margins. Deeply
shaken, I ordered Victoria to sign the ill-fated
Affirmation which Patricia mysteriously
discovered three days later.
I had
written that Affirmation for a specific reason.
Spurred on by Victoria's declaration of love, I had lost control and come
oh so close to doing something
I was sure to regret. Ever since I had been vigilant
to avoid any repeat of
that mistake. For one thing, no more wine at La
Madeleine. I was wary whenever Victoria was
near.
Lately Victoria
had been coming on strong with affection. The Affirmation Letter
Victoria signed a month ago meant nothing to her. The
Detente Peace Pact with Patricia from three weeks ago meant
nothing either.
Michael no longer came to Camelot. Patricia no longer came to Camelot. Joanne no
longer came to Camelot.
In their absence,
Victoria was all over me. Every Friday night
Victoria walked with me arm in arm like I was her boyfriend. Then came
the Sugar Creek incident on June 16 where Victoria had
deliberately snubbed Patricia. Did Victoria show any
contrition for antagonizing Patricia? Of
course not. In fact, she gloated over it.
Nothing I did seemed to slow Victoria down.
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Our
successful Sugar Creek dance performance
emboldened Victoria in more ways than one.
Victoria had enjoyed being introduced to all those important,
wealthy
people after the show. Their compliments had
swelled her ego to record high. Perhaps that is what
had inspired her to fall for her Leading Man, a notorious
problem common to Hollywood starlets. Now that I was the key to
her 'Performing Career' as she called it,
Victoria could not seem to resist me today at La Madeleine.
Smiles, laughter, delicate touching. Well aware that
she was up to no good, I was worried. Turns out I was right. Victoria ordered her customary glass of wine,
took a sip, then commenced our conversation with a carefully
rehearsed question.
"Rick, I
have been studying that Affirmation Letter you made me sign
last month. One line keeps catching my eye...
'Be
lovers in spirit only... unless permission is granted by
both of our spouses.'
I understand that you have objections
to having an Affair. But what if I was separated?
Would you be willing to pursue a relationship then?"
I was
incredulous. Victoria was
talking to me as if Patricia did not exist. It always
amazed me how Victoria typically spoke as if Patricia was not
even in the picture. Maybe Victoria's
intuition told her Patricia was a lost cause and it was only
a matter of time. I suppose given the never-ending
tension between Patricia and me, Victoria did not need her
vaunted
intuition to know we were in trouble. One look at
the fury in Patricia's eyes as Victoria and Darya waltzed off with me ten days ago told the story.
"Look, Victoria,
I like Michael. I respect Michael. You know I
think having an Affair is a dead end street. That
said, if you were free, yes, I would definitely pursue a relationship
with you."
That was easy
for me to say. Victoria
wasn't free, so why not placate her?? Unfortunately,
what I said was a mistake. It opened the
door for Victoria's bombshell.
"Michael
doesn't love me any more. My marriage is empty and
lonely. I think he is ready to set me free."
First I gulped.
Then I narrowed my eyes. Victoria had confused me by playing a game
called 'Hypothetical'. Was this some sort
of trap? What was Victoria
driving at? My mind raced to analyze the
possibilities.
 Does that
mean having an Affair is acceptable to Michael?
Or does it mean Victoria is
thinking of separating from her husband?
Or does it mean Michael has
embraced the Jet Set open marriage lifestyle and told
Victoria she can do what she wants?
Would
an Affair help make Victoria's
marriage tolerable?
Or does it mean Victoria believes I
would make a better husband/companion for her?
Does she like the Disco
lifestyle so much that she would exchange her highly secure life
for an unpredictable life with me?
Does my unusual job give me some sort of edge
over her gifted husband? If so, what is it?
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Fearful of being
tricked by her ambiguity, I decided to
seek clarification.
"Tell me, Victoria, what exactly does
'Set you free' mean? Are you getting a
divorce?"
"No, yes,
maybe, I don't know. That is too big a step until
I think this through. But Michael has told me he
is open to a
European-style agreement."
I raised an
eyebrow at that one. I was right. This had to be a trap. "What exactly is
your definition of a European Agreement?"
"I am
so glad we are dining here at La Madeleine.
I love French ambience. It
sets
the European mood perfectly, don't you agree? Did
you know that
Europeans view marriage differently than Americans?
It is assumed that monogamy is unimportant
among sophisticated people. Once the
glow of love has faded a bit, husbands and wives seek an
amicable understanding."
"I have never been
married nor have I been to Europe. Therefore I am not qualified to have a conversation
on marital fidelity or European morals. However, based on the experiences I
have had, my preference in a marriage is monogamy."
Victoria ignored
what I said.
"I read an
article that suggests 33% to 50% of French marriages
include discrete affairs. The tacit, but
widely-accepted rule states as long as the players
promise
to keep their affairs hidden, it is permissible."
"Well, I have
bad news for you, I'm not French. You are
speaking to an American boy. Personally, I am against it."
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"Maybe so,
but hear me out. I am not sure my marriage is
worth saving. Michael isn't sure either. He
has given me permission to explore a relationship with
you. Call it a 'European Arrangement'.
He and I are leaving this afternoon for our Fourth of
July trip. We have agreed to have a long talk at
some point. When I return from my trip, I will
explain what we have decided to do about our marital
problems. But before I speak with Michael, I want
to make sure of your interest in case I become free
soon."
I questioned her
sincerity. Was Victoria telling me the truth?
I suppose I was very anxious because I blurted out something
I immediately wished I could take back.
"Look, Victoria,
if you decide to leave Michael, then you can move in with me
and let's see how
things click between us. However, as long as you live
with Michael, I am not willing to fool around."
Victoria was
silent for a moment.
"I am sorry,
Rick, that's sweet of you to offer your home, but for
now that is much too big for a first step.
Don't forget I have a child to think about. Let's find a way to explore
our feelings for each other without having to take such
a drastic step."
I assumed she
was referring to her European Arrangement.
"Victoria, you
are a married woman. That said, you know I am
attracted to you. If Michael wants to offer his blessings
for me to pursue you, then I will certainly listen.
If he tells me the two of you have decided to separate, then
yes, I would proceed accordingly. If it comes to that,
I would be open to discuss a serious relationship with
you."
Victoria
smiled, then switched topics. Among other things, the
conversation turned to how well our dance performance had
gone at Sugar Creek last Saturday. However, as we got
ready to leave, Victoria returned to her claim that Michael
had lost interest in her.
"Don't
misunderstand, I love Michael. I will always love
Michael. But he agrees our relationship has moved to a
different phase. He accepts that I have feelings for
you. I am fairly certain we will reach an agreement
during our trip, so please give our conversation today your
full attention while I'm gone."
"Victoria, I
have a better idea. If by
chance you do reach an understanding, then let me know what
happened. But if you
expect me to take your word for it, forget it. Before
I agree to anything,
give Michael my phone number and ask him to give me a
call."
As I drove home, I
shook my head. Victoria had me thoroughly rattled. She
was so convincing about her 'European Arrangement' with
Michael that I left La Madeleine half-expecting a
phone call from her husband any day now.
Ring ring ring.
"Hello, Rick,
hey, this is Michael here. Victoria asked me to call you.
Regarding that delicate subject, yes,
it is true. Victoria and I have lost our passion for
each other. Since we are just friends now, we have
reached a European understanding that allows us to
see other people yet remain together while we sort things
out. You have my complete blessing to
take my wife in your arms. Anything you can do to help
her tolerate the emptiness of her barren marriage would be
appreciated."
Did I receive such a phone call? Of course not. What utter
bullshit. Victoria might be the silver tongued
devil, but I wasn't desperate enough or gullible enough to
fall for her European malarkey. Or was I?
Victoria was so effective at this hypothetical double-talk, she
got me to say stuff I had no business saying. Good
grief, I could not believe what I had just said.
Without giving it a second thought, I had committed to a
relationship with Victoria if she left her husband.
For that matter, I even invited her to move in with me.
WHAT THE
HELL WAS I THINKING???????
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