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Rick Archer's Note:
Based on
Victoria's "European Arrangement" speech shortly
before she left town for the July 4th Holiday, I anticipated the Looming Showdown.
But I preferred to bypass it altogether. Following
her busted lip accident, Patricia gave me my walking papers
on Saturday, June 30. Lo and behold, I was
suddenly a free agent. Not only that, I was in a very
good mood, especially after meeting Earl. What a
welcome
relief to have Patricia's true colors revealed in such
glaring fashion.
This was my
Golden Opportunity. Since Victoria was not due back in
town until July 8th, I had a week to
replace Patricia before Victoria's return. If I could
find the right girl, I could sidestep the Looming Showdown
entirely.
I was no longer afraid of rejection.
Gone was the bitter, moody, sarcastic guy of yesteryear.
If a woman was not interested in me, I was okay with that. That is because more often than not, the women I met were
welcoming towards me. Thanks to
dating a series of truly beautiful women, I had great confidence
in my ability to attract a new girlfriend. The studio
was not open this week. That gave me seven straight
nights of dancing at the Pistachio Club to conduct my
search. Plus I had a mailing list of all my students
complete with phone numbers. I could think of four
ladies in particular I wanted to call. Only one
problem. I never lifted a finger. What the hell
was wrong with me?
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WEDNESDAY,
JULY 4, 1979, the disco years
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
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It was Wednesday,
July 4th. Independence Day! Not just any
Independence Day, this was Rick Archer's Independence Day.
Victoria and Michael had
left town last week. They would not return until Sunday, July
8.
With Victoria gone and Patricia out of my life, I was free to do
what I pleased. This was the perfect time to look for a
new girlfriend.
However, I
blinked. I did not go dancing once. Nor did I
call any of those phone numbers. Looking back, my hesitation
turned out to be one of the
worst mistakes of my entire life. In the words of Mae
West, when it comes to women, he who hesitates is a damn fool.
I hate to admit
it,
but Mae West was right. Sheer Stupidity or
Cosmic Stupidity? You can decide as we go along.
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What was the
reason for my hesitation? I blamed it on Victoria's
weird 'European Arrangement' conversation. Victoria had set
her trap with this dialogue:
"Rick, I
have been studying that Affirmation Letter you made me sign
last month. One line keeps catching my eye...
'Be
lovers in spirit only... unless permission is granted by
both of our spouses.'
I understand that you have objections
to having an Affair. But what if I was separated?
Would you be willing to pursue a relationship then?"
In response, Victoria had extracted these words from
me. "If you were free, Victoria, yes, I would pursue a
relationship."
That was exactly
what Victoria wanted to hear. It was time to spring
her trap. Victoria caught
me completely off guard with her next comment.
"Michael
doesn't love me any more. My marriage is empty and
lonely. I think he is ready to set me free."
Victoria concluded
our conversation with an ominous declaration.
"Michael has given
me permission to explore a relationship with you. When I
return from my trip, I will explain further. But first I wanted to make sure of your interest because I
expect to be free soon."
"I
expect to be free soon..." "I
expect to be free soon..." "I
expect to be free soon..."
Powerful words. Riveting, compelling. I have to hand
it to the silver-tongued devil, Victoria had made a
brilliant
strategic move. Don't ask me how she did it, but Victoria had
cleverly
extracted a tacit promise from me to wait till she returned from her
vacation. Which is an interesting thing to say because
in reality Victoria had never said a single word about me
waiting for her. But that is how I interpreted it.
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So what was my
mindset? When I said, "Yes,
I would pursue a relationship", I had been speaking
hypothetically. Victoria wasn't free, so why not agree
with her as an act of appeasement?? I should not have replied
so hastily. By placing my words in present tense,
Victoria made me feel like I had agreed to explore a
relationship with her if Patricia ever left my life.
At the time, how was I supposed to know Patricia would call
it quits in four days?
Did Victoria know Patricia would be gone
before she returned from her trip? Probably not. More likely,
it was an educated guess. Victoria knew we were
hanging on by a thread, so I imagine Victoria was
stating her position in anticipation of the day Patricia
would hit the road. In other words, Victoria got very
lucky. As they say, Timing is Everything. By extracting an
idle, off-hand promise that I was 'interested' and would
'pursue a relationship if she was free', Victoria left me hamstrung
during her absence. I knew Victoria would
fly into a rage if I made a move without giving her first
crack. This is what I imagined her response would
be:
"I hate
you, Rick! Who exactly is this goddamn Matilda
woman? I have never been so angry in my life.
You promised me you were interested in a relationship if
I was free. Well, now I'm free only to find out
you have been chasing every skirt in town while I was
gone. Thanks a lot, asshole. After all I
have done for you, it is shameful how you treat me. Well,
I have some news for you. I'm leaving the studio.
There's no reason for me to stick around anymore.
And while I'm at it, for good measure I think I will
call some of my many girlfriends and let them know you are a
hypocritical, lying sack of shit."
Is this what
Victoria would have said if I found a new girlfriend?
Given what I knew about Victoria's temper, yes, this was a
realistic possibility. In fact, it was almost a
certainty that Victoria would retaliate in some way. And so I kissed my week of freedom
goodbye. At the time, it did
not seem like a big deal to wait. When Victoria returned
from her trip, I would hear her out. If as expected there
were no new developments, then I would test the waters. In other words,
I hesitated out of courtesy for her feelings. But then I got to
thinking. Victoria had announced she was serious about
pursuing a relationship with me.
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In Hindsight, I
have to hand it to Victoria. In the Affirmation Letter
which I forced her to sign, it said, "Be Lovers in
spirit only UNLESS permission is granted by both of our
spouses either actively by their word or passively by their
departure from our lives."
I finally
understood what this crazy European
Arrangement nonsense was all about. Knowing that I
was adamantly opposed to an Affair, Victoria realized the only
way to get me to wait for her was to suggest Michael
had just given her the necessary 'permission'.
When Victoria
said, "Michael
has given me permission to explore a relationship with you,"
she hinted that she was about to come back on the market. Since a
woman of Victoria's talent comes along once in a lifetime, I
would be foolish not to at least consider her. Therefore I postponed
thinking about other women and redirected my thoughts to a
possible romance with Victoria. If it was true that Michael didn't want her anymore, I owed it to myself to see if Victoria was available.
For fear of alienating my unique business associate,
it would be safer to see what Victoria was up to before I made
an independent move.
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For the past six months I had used
Joanne and Patricia to keep Victoria at arm's length.
However, in June both women disappeared into the sunset. Now
that I had foolishly bypassed my brief chance to replace
Patricia, I had no choice but to
take on the formidable Victoria all by myself.
This
'European Arrangement' conversation had an
ominous ring to it. Not once did Victoria come right
out and say she wanted an Affair, but she hinted at it.
Furthermore
her flagrant declaration of love during the Dance with the
Devil left little room for doubt where her
mind was at. My
biggest fear was that she would break
down my resistance and seduce me into the Affair. What
Lola wants, Lola gets. I worried that Victoria had
the power to overcome my better judgment.
But maybe I did not have to sin. Victoria
once told me she loved me. If Victoria separated from Michael, then I had
a right to respond to
her overtures guilt-free.
What would I do if
Victoria returned from trip and told me she had decided to end
her marriage. In that case, I would be an idiot not to pursue
her.
Because I did not trust Victoria,
I
was not in love with her. However, if she convinced me
her Dark Side was an aberration caused by a fear of losing
me, maybe she could regain my trust. They say women who look like Victoria are
easy to forgive. I could see their point. Victoria was beautiful,
brilliant and fascinating. Women like her
are
special and rare. For all her faults,
Victoria was a once-in-a-lifetime woman. If we clicked
romantically, I imagined we could accomplish great
things together. And so I made up my mind.
I would wait for Victoria to return from her trip. If
indeed she gave me the green light, I would pursue her.
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Tuesday,
JULY 10, 1979, the disco years
ROUND ONE: THE PLAYBOY
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Have you ever had
the rug pulled out from under you? As it turned out, I was
in for a big surprise. Victoria was nowhere near as hot to
trot as her sweet talk at La Madeleine had led me to believe. Victoria's return
from her two-week vacation initiated a period in my life I
referred to as 'The Negotiations'. Victoria taught
at the studio two nights a week, Tuesday and Thursday. 90%
of our July conversations were conducted in Victoria's spacious
car following dance class. We referred to this as "Car
Talk". Victoria totally
dominated me during the Negotiations. No surprise there.
Victoria dominated me in a lot of ways.
My problem
throughout the Negotiations was that Victoria was far more
cunning.
Victoria's
greatest ability was to keep me off balance. As I would
learn, Victoria
had a masterful way of asking
questions and memorizing my answers. She had an
elephantine memory that allowed her to repeat things I had said.
She conveniently overlooked the answers she didn't like and
reinforced the replies she did like. Her specialty
was inconsistencies. "That's not what you said the last
time!" I would reply that it was difficult giving
consistent answers to hypothetical questions. Give the
woman some credit. Like a lawyer, she probed and pried,
all the while nudging me in the direction she wanted me to go, the
horizontal one.
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When Victoria
returned to Houston after her holiday visit to her parents,
she called me on the phone. The date was Tuesday, July
10th. Over the phone, I told her I
had broken up with Patricia. I expected sympathy or
surprise or something, but Victoria was surprisingly
non-committal. She said she had something important to tell
me, but not over the phone. We agreed to talk after
teaching class that night. Prior to our initial
Car Talk, to be honest, I
thought Victoria had intended to separate from Michael.
Based on our conversation two weeks earlier, Victoria had
announced, "But what if I was separated? Would you be
willing to pursue a relationship then?"
Based on those
words, I had deliberately avoided chasing several attractive women when I had the chance. Therefore, now that we were
alone, I half-expected Victoria
would slide across the
car seat, wrap her arms around me and kiss me. Then she
would claim I belonged to her and looked forward to the day we
would
reign over the Dance Kingdom as man and wife. Just in case that happened, I
intended to be noble. I would of course resist and insist we take things slow. However,
once I discovered Victoria was in a much different mood, there was no need for
Nobility. This was the night I learned that Victoria had developed a
bad case of Cold Feet.
"Although I had no idea that
you and Patricia would break up while I was gone, I expected it would happen
eventually. Therefore, on the assumption that you were about to become available,
during my July 4th trip I decided to ask my father for advice on what to do about
you."
"And what did
your father say?"
"Dad said,
'This man
does not love you. He will never marry you.
Disco will be gone tomorrow, Dancing is a fad, and you are
being used by a Playboy.'"
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Victoria paused
to let these words sink in, then resumed.
"Rick, I am sorry
if this hurts your feelings, but I took my father's words to heart. My
father made me very suspicious of you. Based on what
he said, I became afraid that if I left my husband, you would use
me and discard me."
Aghast, my mouth
dropped open. This was my Charlie Brown moment.
Victoria had lifted the football just as I went to kick it.
Now that Victoria had pulled the rug out, I could not believe I
had postponed visiting the Camelot Candy Store just to hear this
malarkey. I felt sick. I had just thrown away a
weeklong opportunity to search for Waltzing Matilda only to
be accused of using Victoria like a Playboy. Victoria's remark
hurt my feelings. I was deeply offended by her Playboy
accusation. If I was a Playboy, Victoria would have had
her Affair a long time ago.
I said nothing in my
defense. Instead I sat there and seethed. How was it
possible to become a cad before I
even made a move? After all the crap I had put up over the past six months...
Victoria's
Tirade, her vindictiveness towards Joanne, her
deliberate meddling in my relationship with
Patricia, treating me like a puppet... now
she has the nerve to call me a Playboy??
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When she said that, I
saw red. Enraged, I wanted to slap Victoria silly.
Yes, I know, men are
not supposed to hit women. And you have my word I have
never hit a woman. But I admit I was so angry the thought
crossed my mind. This
stupid
flirtation was a complete farce. I didn't ask for this. Victoria
had initiated these fireworks the day she put her hand on mine and professed
undying love. Victoria was the one who wanted to Dance
with the Devil. She was the one who proposed the European
Arrangement. Victoria was the pursuer,
so how does that make me the Playboy?
Enough of this
deceit and manipulation. I was about to royally chew her
out, but then I had a better
idea. Why not use this Cold Feet flip-flop to my advantage?
Due to my fear of her Dark Side, my
heart had reservations about pursuing Victoria in the first place.
Now that my fears were confirmed, why not break it off right here?
"Okay, Victoria,
I get what you are saying.
You think I am a serious risk. Point made. I never
thought this romance idea was a good idea to begin with, so let's skip the romance and simply
remain business
partners. Why make this so complicated? Why
don't you become my business partner? I will split
the proceeds from the business 50-50 if you will work full-time at the studio.
I can afford to take the risk. Business
is good, I have a low house payment and virtually no
bills. If you put
your mind to the business full-time, I believe we
can grow what we have now to
make a reasonable income for both of us."
Victoria did not
reply immediately. She simply stared at me like I was out
of my mind. I concluded Victoria was not
impressed by what I thought was a fair offer.
"That's very
generous of you, Rick, but for now I prefer to leave things
just the way they are. Right now I teach two nights a week and
I meet you at the Pistachio Club on Friday
evenings. You forget I take being a mother seriously.
That is why the thought of working more hours does not appeal to me.
I neglect the poor girl too much as it is."
For the moment,
Victoria had closed the door on being business partners.
This was no real surprise. She didn't need the
money. Furthermore, I doubted Michael would appreciate
being a full-time babysitter five, sometimes six nights a week in addition to his heavy
demands at work. But at least I had shown Victoria the respect
she deserved by making the offer. So much for good
intentions. I was disgusted by her response. First Victoria had insulted me with the Playboy
quip, now she had discarded my sincere business partner offer
with flippancy. I felt so
shut down I wanted to get out of the car. However, Victoria
began to talk, so I morbidly stayed on to listen. Victoria talked
constantly of telling Michael she wanted a trial separation.
Victoria added this could happen at any moment. After the separation, maybe she would come and live with me.
Or better yet, maybe I could come and live with her.
Promises, promises. These were her ideas, not mine.
Finally I had enough of this crap.
"Victoria, if you
believe your marriage is over and you separate from Michael, I would consider a serious relationship
with you. Perhaps you could come live with me or vice
versa. However, you would be taking a huge risk.
If our living arrangement failed, I doubt seriously Michael
would
welcome you back with open arms.
If you separate and spend time with me, you might as well assume your marriage is
over."
Victoria shrugged
her shoulders and nodded in agreement.
"I guess you're
right. I appreciate the offer to let me come live with
you, but that is far too big a step for me at this stage.
Let me think about it."
Victoria was just
blowing smoke. The frown on her face said it all. I don't think Victoria
relished the idea of dating a starving artist at this stage of
her life. She liked her big house, her big car, and her
creature comforts too much for that. Nor did she have a
serious intention of separating from
Michael. And how would this affect her daughter?
The whole idea was preposterous.
Victoria announced it was getting late, so
we parted. On the way home, I decided I despised this woman.
It was time to get rid of her, the sooner, the better.
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THURSDAY,
JULY 12, 1979, the disco years
ROUND TWO: RICK'S HOUSE
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Where
are you going now my love?
Where will you be tomorrow?
Will you bring me happiness?
Will you bring me sorrow?
Girl,
when I was on my own
Chasing you down
What was it made you run
Trying your best just to get
around?
The questions of a thousand
dreams
What you do and what you see
Lover,
can you talk to me?
-- Carry On, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
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"Will you
bring me happiness? Or will you bring me sorrow?"
I now had my
answer. Victoria was driving me crazy. Much to my
dismay, Victoria resumed the Negotiations with Round Two of
Car Talk
on Thursday. As we sat in the dark, Victoria looked me over
with a fine tooth comb. If Victoria left her husband,
how could I
support her? Would I be successful enough to
duplicate the comfortable lifestyle she now enjoyed?
Would I being willing to support her?
Or would Playboy Rick trick her
into sacrificing her marriage, then
refuse to marry her and leave her in the lurch?
What struck me
as odd was how clueless Victoria was. She had no idea
how angry I was over her 'Playboy Rick' insult was.
Nor was she aware that I had no desire to marry her
whatsoever. This was ridiculous. We had never even kissed and I was
expected to explain how I intended to support her.
Unbelievable.
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On Night Two of
Car Talk Victoria brought up the subject of my house. Back in April, Victoria
had entertained herself with gushy dreams of
Dance Bliss. Her first
wake-up moment came in May when I casually mentioned I was
planting new bushes in my front yard tomorrow. On the
spot, Victoria offered to
come help plant the bushes. Sure, come on
over.
I think her real
reason was an excuse to see what my house looked like.
One story, two
bedrooms, one bathroom, very small, very plain. Located in a pleasant
tree-lined neighborhood known as the Heights, my modest
fix-it-up house was 30 years old. She did not say
anything, but I could tell Victoria was not impressed.
Watching her frown as she compared my tiny bungalow to her magnificent suburban home,
I felt embarrassed.
During Car Talk,
Victoria announced that my
house was
unacceptable. No surprise there. Her
counterpart Patricia
had said the same thing.
Like Patricia before her, Victoria made it clear
that her perfect figure, sharp mind and beautiful face came
at
a high price tag. I felt kicked in the
gut. Haven't I already been through this with Patricia?
"Damn it, Victoria.
You got us into this mess. If you were worried about
money and my house, why didn't you think about these
things
in the first place? Where was this head's up warning back when you
put your hand on top of mine two months ago and told me
that you loved me??"
"Things were
different then."
Oh my God.
The
understatement of the century.
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Shortly after
this revelation a student friend named Will pulled me aside.
He said, "As you know, I've been dating Mary
from the studio.
On Saturday, Mary invited her girlfriend Victoria
to meet us at the restaurant for lunch. I have to tell you,
I did not like what I heard."
Now what?
Groaning inside, I replied, "Okay,
Larry, let me have it. What did you hear?"
"I
hate telling you this because I know you have
feelings for Victoria, but she is not one of my
favorite people. While we were at dinner, Victoria
announced that you and she are dating now."
Oh really?
That was news to me. "What
did she say?"
"Victoria said, 'I really do care for Rick,
but I could not live in that little house of
his.' She laughed as she described
how run-down your house is to
Mary.
She also described your neighborhood as mediocre,
implying the right kind of people live elsewhere. The tone of
her conversation suggested your living
arrangements are barely one step
above the poverty level.
Those comments did
not sit well with me, so I did not respond.
To be truthful, although Victoria has a great
personality, I saw a different side to her that
rubs me the wrong way. In my opinion, I
think Victoria is too materialistic. I
accept people for who they are, not what they
own. I am sorry if I have upset you, but
you strike me as a different kind of person. I
thought this was something you needed to know."
Certain that
Will was telling the truth, I seethed at this report. At the time I bought
that house, it was the only thing I could afford on
a social worker's salary. Biting my tongue
to avoid showing my bitterness, I told Will I was
grateful for his warning. These Negotiations
were not going well. I had not recovered from the Playboy insult
and now this slap in the face regarding my house. At
the time, I thought things could not possibly get worse than
this. Or could they? I have
consistently warned people never to assume that Rock
Bottom is the lowest they can go. I am
convinced the Universe pays attention. The moment
someone claims things are the worst they could possibly, Rock Bottom
reveals hidden levels we never imagined. Take
me for example. Just
when I thought things between Victoria and me had
reached the lowest possible point, Queen Vic pulled a stunt
of inconceivable gall.
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TUESDAY,
JULY 17, 1979, the disco years
ROUND THREE:
THE HUSBAND LIST
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Over the July
4th Holiday, Victoria had undergone a serious change of
heart. Once the infatuated ing้nue
during the Spring, Victoria had turned into a coldly
analytical bargainer. These Negotiations were not good
for my ego. It seemed like the
moment I became available after Patricia's demise, Victoria
transformed from a hot-to-trot housewife into
a cold-footed skeptic. Victoria not only criticized
me to my face, according to Will she talked behind my back.
With my self-esteem mauled in spectacular fashion,
Victoria's dubious turnabout had caught me completely off
guard.
Round Three of
the Negotiations took place in a coffee shop. Why the
coffee shop? Why not wait for our nightly Car Talk? During
the previous week, Victoria had made it clear that certain aspects of my odd
dance career were not nearly
as hunky-dory as she once thought. Perhaps Victoria
thought daylight would lend an increased air of
gravity to her key points.
I have a very thin skin when it
comes to criticism. That should be clear by
now. The main reason I was
thrown out of Graduate School was my inability to
deal with my professor's biting criticism of my
shortcomings. This same flaw had been
present during my Rock Star Rick argument
with Patricia last Christmas. I nearly had a stroke listening
to Patricia question my pathetic
career, my immaturity not to seek a real job, and my
absurd, soft-minded religious
beliefs.
Patricia turned out to be a pussycat
compared to Victoria's tiger claws.
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On Tuesday, July
17, Round Three, I discovered Victoria was the absolute Master
at cutting me to shreds. This was the
day she delivered the single worst insult of my entire life.
Victoria's daughter Stephanie went to Mother's Day Out on
Tuesdays. This gave us the freedom to take our private
lesson with Glen, then lunch at La Madeleine. My first
clue that something was up came when Victoria suggested we
go to a
decidedly unromantic coffee shop instead. The moment
we sat down at the Cappuccino Cafe, Victoria wasted no time getting to the point.
"Rick, I am sorry to be so blunt, but I cannot possibly
plan my future based on the earnings
of a Disco Dance teacher. I have a child to
think about. Plus I'm worried you could be out
of a job soon. With Urban Cowboy
on its way, what are you going to do if Disco
vanishes as it currently threatens to do? At the very least,
your
earnings will plummet."
That sucked the air
out right there. Urban Cowboy was my
worst nightmare.
The slightest mention sent me into panic.
"What
can I say, Victoria? You are absolutely correct.
The mysterious fade of Disco here in Houston is my greatest fear.
I don't have a clue why it is happening nor any idea what to do about it. You
have every right to be worried. I am equally worried."
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Victoria didn't like
my answer.
"Well, surely you have a plan to combat this
threat? Maybe you could teach Ballroom
Dance like Glen does."
"I
can't stand Ballroom dancing and I despise the
music. I have
no earthly idea what to do, Victoria. When the
Disco Ball falls to the ground, I guess I will have
to find another job."
"What about Country-Western?"
"There
is nothing to teach, Victoria. It's too easy.
No one needs lessons. I've told you that
repeatedly."
Victoria rolled her eyes and stared at me like I was
a loser of some sort. That hurt. I had seen Patricia
look at me like that, but never Victoria until now. I immediately began to
feel inadequate. Considering I had no solution whatsoever
for the menace of the Dancing Cowboy, I felt like a one-hit
wonder doomed to obscurity.
Victoria
did not stop there. She droned on with one
negative point after another. I got her
message loud and clear. Not only that, I
agreed with everything she had to say. Okay,
yes, her husband
was a gifted cancer researcher. His job was serious and my
job was frivolous. Disco was going to fade a
lot sooner than cancer was going
to be cured.
Michael could support her and I couldn't. Michael
bought her a beautiful house and I owned a 30-year
old shack infested with dry wood termites.
With
each comment, my self-worth dropped another notch.
So did my jaw. What could I say? Everything she said was
true. I felt
so completely
humiliated, I just wanted to leave. However,
the moment I began to rise,
Victoria announced she wasn't through yet.
Victoria's determined look spelled trouble.
When she began to rummage around in her purse, I
anticipated something terrible was about to happen.
What was it, a bill for services rendered? Barely able to breathe, I watched her
pull out a piece of paper with all the enthusiasm one
reserves for funerals and root canals. Sure
enough, Victoria had prepared a bombshell. As
long as I live, I will never forget the
Husband List.
Previously I had been upset over being called a Playboy, but that
was child's play. Due to its brutal honesty,
Victoria's Husband List was destined to
attain infamy and immortality.
"Rick, leaving my husband for you is the biggest decision of my life.
I cannot take this lightly. I have strong feelings for you, but I worry that these
feelings have clouded my judgment. So I put
together a List to help me put things into
perspective. I would like for you to go
over this List with me item by item."
I had a bad feeling about
this. Sure enough, my premonition proved correct.
Bringing her piece of paper with her, Victoria came around from the opposite side of the table to
sit next to me. At first I thought she was
being friendly, but more likely it was to block my escape. Victoria
wanted to be sure I paid careful attention, so she cleared
the table. First she moved our coffee cups out
of the way, then our glasses of water, and then the
dishes with our scones. Now she searched her purse and got out
a pencil. Pencil in hand, Victoria placed
her handwritten
'List' on the table. I saw my name in
bold letters on one side and Michael's on the other.
Using her pencil to point out one line at a time, Victoria
proceeded to read out loud. I guess she figured I was
too stupid to read for myself.
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Victoria's List rated her husband Michael and me on seven different categories.
Socio-economic status compared to Michael.
I came in second.
Make that a
'distant' second.
Victoria emphasized the word 'distant'.
I got the point
Social
status of Rick's job compared to Michael.
I came in second.
As Victoria put it, Cancer research was
far more important.
Rick and Michael's educational background.
I came in second.
Michael had a doctorate, I was a college graduate.
Victoria almost added 'graduate school failure',
but bit her tongue at the last second.
Nevertheless her expression gave it away.
Comparison of
job stability.
I came in a distant second due to
Urban
Cowboy.
While Michael excelled in
his career, I could lose my
job any day now.
Comparison of houses.
Although I came in second, I actually came in last.
Victoria said my house
was closer to 100 in a two-house competition.
Or did she say 1,000?
Either way I got the point.
Track record as husband.
Michael was rated a superior
husband.
Beside my name was "does not apply".
Track record as father.
Michael was an
excellent father.
Beside my name was "does not apply".
|
I stared blankly at the chart.
Not only did I lose every comparison, Victoria's side comments
hurt my feelings badly. I considered the way
she conducted this comparison to be downright cruel.
At first I was numb, but then the burn kicked in. Soon I
was livid. I lost my temper and slammed my hand so hard on
the table I made the coffee spill.
"Damn
it, Victoria, do you have anything better to do than
to
find new ways to put me down?"
Victoria
was so frightened by my outburst she almost stood up. I
also drew a worried glance from the nearby waitress.
I noted with grim satisfaction that the Husband List got
spilled coffee
on it before Victoria could snatch it away. In
a very loud voice, I continued.
"What
the hell is this about? For
crying out loud, if Michael is so goddamn better at
everything, then what do you want from me? Why
don't you just leave me the hell alone and get the
hell out of my life!?"
Victoria
was surprised at the strength of my outrage.
Did she not anticipate how angry this would make me?
Instead she said nothing and let me simmer. Finally
I regrouped enough to sputter a comeback. Lowering my
voice, I said, "Tell me
something. If you rate Michael as
the superior husband, then why are we even
having this conversation?"
Victoria
could not meet my eyes. Instead she looked out
a distant window as she replied.
"Because Michael has lost interest in me."
"You
don't make a bit of sense. If
Michael has lost interest in you, then how can he be
rated a superior husband? Shouldn't caring
about one's spouse be part of your rating system?"
"Call it a Lifetime Achievement Award.
Over the years, Michael has a perfect
track record as a husband. He is dependable, gentle,
loyal, hard-working, brilliant and responsible.
You, on the other hand, are an unknown
quantity."
Deeply
offended by these comparisons, I launched a sharp
counter-attack.
"Hey,
Victoria, where is 'dancing ability' and 'witty
comments' on that List? How about my
superior sarcasm? Why aren't those fine qualities listed?
Hey,
I have another question for you. Where
was this goddamn List when you were busy eliminating my girlfriend
Patricia!?
Gee whiz, Victoria, you came after
me. This whole romance idea was your doing. You and your
stupid European conversation. You couldn't
wait to get physical last month, but now look at you. What changed your
mind?"
This
time Victoria met my eyes. "Rick, how will you
ever support a family on a dance teacher's salary?"
Ouch.
Not this again. Shades of Patricia, where have I heard
those words before? I could not believe it.
Before my very eyes, dreamy-eyed 'Visionary Victoria' had
suddenly morphed into
coldly-calculating Patricia. Seriously, the two
women were virtually indistinguishable. The
Husband List was Victoria's version
of the Rock Star
argument. When will Peter Pan ever grow
up and get a Real Job? Seething with outrage, I took a
deep breath and tried to calm down.
"Victoria, I am starting to wonder what you saw in
me in the first place. Is this all a joke to
you?? Your List is a huge slap in the face.
I have never pretended to be Michael's equal.
You know damn well I had a tough childhood and
stumbled out of the gates. And yes, it's my
tough luck that I am such a loser I got myself thrown out of graduate school. I apologize that I am not as accomplished as
Michael. But don't make me apologize
for my job. If society doesn't value my job over Michael's, I
can accept that. But I hate it when you
put me down for doing something I enjoy. I
pay my bills just fine and I am totally happy
teaching dance. I am sorry I am not
respectable or gifted, but that doesn't give you
the right to make me feel inadequate. I don't appreciate being
demeaned like this. Now
listen to me. I've had it with this crap. You have made it quite clear that
you consider Michael to be 'The Better Man'.
Okay, I get it. You've got cold feet because
you think I am inferior..."
Victoria
tried to interrupt, but I waved her off.
"I
have a suggestion. Why you don't go home to Michael and work on your
marriage? You don't need to come to the studio
tonight. I'll find someone to teach your
class. You have made it clear that he is
the best choice, so quit wasting my time. From now on, just leave me the hell out of
your marital problems."
With
that, I grabbed Victoria's List, ripped it to
shreds, threw it at her, then stormed out.
People talk about getting their feelings hurt, but
nothing compared to this. I was so upset I was
shaking. This had been brutal. And
disgusted too. All
this "Negotiation" about a serious relationship was
an exercise in total futility. In late June I had responded to
her romantic initiative with a sincere offer to
date if she left Michael as she had just promised.
And what did I get in return? Slapped in the
face. Now that Victoria
had concluded I was not even
remotely in Michael's league, why did she even consider such a
radical thought in the first place? As I drove home, I recalled the morning
Patricia announced she was flying to Los Angeles to see
George. Her veiled message was that she could never
settle for me knowing full well there were better
options out there. Victoria had done the exact
same thing. How could she ever settle for me
knowing how wonderful Michael was? I once
thought Victoria respected me, but now I knew
better. I guess what bothered me the most is
what Victoria hoped to accomplish by sharing her
opinion of my mediocrity. If I never saw her
again, that would be fine by me.
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