Day One: Saturday, 7 pm, AT THE COCKTAIL PARTY

Marla REGRETS COMING ON THE TRIP

Day One: Saturday, 7 pm, AT THE COCKTAIL PARTY

THE CHECKLIST THINS

I had come on this trip with four women on my Checklist.  During the drive down from Houston, Connie had used smoke signals large enough to blot out the sun to signal availability.  Rolling my eyes, I added her to the List.

Thanks to Miami, Marla was gone first.  Then thanks to a sudden attack of cold feet prior to the Cocktail Party, Kellie was the second woman to remove herself from the List.  That left three women... Rebecca, Priscilla, and maybe Connie if all else failed.

Unfortunately, the Joy of the Cocktail Party was not universal.  It did not extend to me.  Thanks to Kellie's panic-stricken departure from my room, I was already awash in doom and gloom when I showed up to begin the party.  However, I could not help but cheer up when I saw how much fun people were having.  Unfortunately, the thaw in my bad mood did not last long.  My mood changed when I noticed Marla sitting in the background with her friend Sherry.  I thought about asking her to dance, but then I recalled her trip to Miami.  The thought of Marla in the arms of Chris after a sexy night of Salsa dancing triggered the return of my intense anguish. 

Feeling bitter, I walked away.  Moments later, I passed Kellie on the dance floor.  When I caught her eye, Kellie looked the other way.  Not a good sign.  I could not help but recall the sight of Kellie sprinting out my cabin door one hour ago.  The way this trip started, it felt like the Epic Losing Streak of my past had returned to curse me anew.  Filled with anger, I had to turn my head until the darkness passed.  Yes, I stole that phrase from Mick Jagger. 

Paint it Black.

As usual, Rebecca the Beautiful was surrounded by countless men.  No surprise there.  She was considered the most attractive woman at the studio.

I had unfinished business with Rebecca.  I had missed out on Rebecca back in May.  She had sent an email to invite me to lunch.  At the time, Marla had just joined the cruise trip without her boyfriend.  With my hopes renewed, I might have a chance with Marla after all.  That is why I had turned Rebecca down.  I don't think this stunning beauty was used to being rebuffed.  She had not given me the time of day since.  But you never know, if I asked her to dance tonight, maybe I would be given a second chance.  Unfortunately, the line of men waiting for their own chance was out the door.  I decided to wait.  That turned out to be a wise move.  Towards the end of the party, I noticed Rebecca sitting next to Webster, one of her favorite dance partners.  My eyes widened when I noticed Webster's hand resting unusually high on her thigh.  Given Rebecca's obvious approval, I had a strong hunch Webster's hand had visited that intimate spot before.  With a groan, I struck Rebecca from the Checklist.  Marla, Kellie, Rebecca.  Three down, two to go. 

Oh well, there was still Priscilla, the one I liked the best.  But where is she?  I wondered why Priscilla had missed the party.  Not a good omen. 

Day One: Saturday, 8:30 pm

DINNER TIME

Dinner followed shortly after the Cocktail Dance party.  After returning the music equipment to my room, it was photograph time at dinner.  As I took pictures of the various guests, to my surprise Marla gave me a warm smile.  I noticed she had changed outfits.  Damn she looked good!  Marla was a lost cause, but my heart went aflutter nonetheless.  I could not help but notice how dark she was.  Marla once told me her heritage was from Belarus, part of the USSR.  You know, for a Russian girl, Marla sure was dark-skinned.  She might want to recheck her parentage.  Then it hit me... 

I suddenly realized Marla had gotten this tan on last week's trip to Miami, a sure sign the trip had gone well.  Damn it, no wonder she was smiling!  At the thought of Marla and Chris together, I went nauseous with renewed jealousy.  With a grimace, I gritted my teeth and moved on to the next table lest my anger show.  The lyrics to 'Paint it Black' raced through my mind.

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
No colors anymore, I want them to turn black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is Black

I am not sure I have made it completely clear just how much Miami ruined this trip for me.  My Checklist was made pre-Miami in early August.  Assuming Marla was a long-shot, I was preparing to track down Kellie, Rebecca, and Priscilla at the studio and see if there was any interest on their part. 

But then that damn Affair to Remember movie came along.  Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr were both engaged to someone else.  Well aware they both had someone important waiting for them in New York, that did not stop them from enjoying each other's company on the ship.

It was awkward at first, but then a friendship ensued.  During long talks at sea, they realized how easy it was to be together.  By the trip's end, they were both deeply in love.  In my mind, there was no reason why I should not at least give Marla one more try.  Chris would be home alone, out of sight, out of mind.  If I could just get Marla to talk to me, perhaps we could become friends.  For that matter, at the very least I could find out why Marla always denied being available when all my instincts said otherwise. 

Feeling braver thanks to Affair to Remember, I put the Checklist aside to concentrate on Marla.  If Marla did not pan out, I would return my attention to the other three women.  But then disaster struck... Miami. 

With my heart ripped to shreds, I was in no mood to start something with another woman prior to the trip.  Big mistake.  Based on rebuffs from Kellie and Rebecca at the Cocktail Party, I had waited too long to make my move.  Beguiling Rebecca already had a man lined up and most likely Foxy Kellie had one too.  Thank goodness I could still turn to Priscilla.

Still fuming over Marla's outrageous suntan, I resumed taking pictures elsewhere.  Just then I noticed Priscilla enter the dining room.  To my dismay, Priscilla was holding hands with a man named Mitchell.  Holding hands?  I had a bad feeling about this.  I did a double-take when Mitchell gave me a warm smile.  As well he should.  Mitchell was taking this trip for free.  He was one of the four men I had recruited to improve the boy-girl ratio.  When Priscilla waved to me with her free hand, my hopes improved dramatically.  Hmm.  Maybe I am reading too much into this.  Maybe I still had a chance.  What a shame I had not revealed my interest in Priscilla back at the studio.  But you never know, maybe it wasn't too late.  Convinced Priscilla genuinely liked me, I headed for her table.  Mitchell must have sensed something because he instinctively put his arm around her shoulders.  My heart plummeted when Priscilla snuggled closer. 

Uh oh.  Another lost cause.  Damn it!  This is getting ridiculous.  Will my bad luck never end?  Realizing how awkward it would be to sit with the new lovebirds, I snapped their photograph, then left in search of another table to sit at.

Surely you have heard the term, "No good deed goes unpunished."  The thought that Mitchell was on this trip courtesy of me carried great irony.  Sonofagun!  That sneaky guy had used his free trip to steal my last chance at happiness.  I later found out Priscilla had met Mitchell at the Pre-Cruise meeting I held at the studio two weeks earlier.  Hmm.  Mitchell worked fast.  As well he should.  Mitchell had caught a real plum.  Or maybe Priscilla was the one who had worked fast.  Who knows?  All I knew was the early bird gets the worm.  I was very upset at losing Priscilla.  Seriously, there was no way this evening could possibly get any worse.  Which, in hindsight, was a very dumb thing to say.  I should have known better.  Things can ALWAYS get worse, especially when you are having your Darkest Day.

Quite frankly, I had never been the same since the bad news about Miami.  Out of the remaining three, I had my highest hopes for Priscilla.  Rebecca the Beauty Queen and Kellie the Dancing Queen were seafaring Scarletts with a wide range of men to choose from.  Given the stiff competition, courting one of them would have been a tough challenge even if I was at the top of my game.  However, due to my debilitated state, the last thing I wanted was to stand in line and wait my turn. 

On the other hand, I felt a connection to Priscilla.  She had been so warm back at the studio.  I especially liked the way she always seemed to cheer me up.  So imagine how I felt to find the one woman I considered a Sure Thing had been claimed just like the others.  The Wheel of Fortune was definitely not spinning my way. 

Paint it Black. 

Day One: Saturday, 8:30 pm

THE SURE THING

Oh well, speaking of Sure Things, there was always the voluptuous Connie.  She was way too aggressive for my tastes, but I was in one of those beggars can't be choosers kind of moods.  Looking around, I noticed Connie looking straight at me.  Catching my eye, she enthusiastically pointed to an empty seat she had saved for me.  However, before I could take one step, another guy showed up out of the blue and took his place beside her.  To my dismay, Connie greeted the man with a big smile, then promptly forgot I existed. 

I was stunned.  Good grief, now even Connie was gone.  First Priscilla, now Connie.  Unbelievable.  You know how I am about coincidence.  Is this level of bad luck even possible?  Watching from across the room, I winced as Bonnie Connie hit it off with the mystery man.  Seriously, moments after Connie had waved for me to come over, I had just been ditched for a stranger.  I did not know who he was, but the guy was definitely cute.  Frowning, I decided it was probably for the best.  Connie was a serious babe, but not my type.  In fact, the vision of Connie effortlessly flipping her attention to that new guy actually made me laugh.  Was it my imagination or did Connie have the ability to make her breasts grow larger on demand?  I could have sworn her chest inflated the moment she saw that guy.  What a crazy night.  

Tonight's run of Bad Luck had taught me a harsh lesson.  Self-respecting women would rather be alone than bother with a loser who reeked of desperation.  But then I checked myself.  I wasn't a loser.  That was just my bad mood talking.  However, I was definitely going through a tough stretch.  Marla's last-minute jaunt to Miami had been the kill shot.  Terrible timing.  Once my hopes were dashed, it was too late to do the necessary homework with other women.  Okay, the Checklist was gone, but there were still ten more women than men.  I expected my status as trip leader would be sufficient to attract someone.  That's where Connie came in.  Connie had probably picked me because all the other men had already been claimed.  I assumed her interest signaled there would be others as well.  But I was wrong about that.  I had underestimated the women on the trip.  Those who were interested in romance had already lined someone up ahead of time.   I suppose a couple others considered me, but decided I was not worth the effort.  Now I knew how Mighty Casey felt.  How was it statistically possible to strike out despite a harem of countless potential partners?

Paint it Black.

Day One: Saturday, 10:30 pm

RICK'S PITY PARTY

I have mentioned my tendency towards dark moods.  Spending Christmas Eve alone at the dance studio after the end of my marriage was 10 on my Scale of Gloom.  Sitting alone in my cabin was 9.  Not only was I incredibly depressed, I felt snake bit.  I was beside myself with frustration.  There must be a dark cloud hanging over me. 

For some reason, I thought of Marla.  I had noticed her sitting alone at the Cocktail Party.  More than likely she saw me standing alone as well.  She could have at least said hello, maybe even asked me to dance.  Oh no, Marla would rather sit there than ask me to dance.  That was bad enough.  This entire night was a unique exercise in despair.  Can you imagine the humiliation of losing five prospects in one night?

Nor had any of the other women at the cocktail party given me any reason to think they might be interested.  Like I said, women understood math.  55 women, 45 men.  Since the numbers were not in the women's favor, it paid for each lady with a brain to start back on land.  Rebecca was the perfect example.  I was certain she had lined up Webster to be her steady before the trip even began.  Priscilla had done the same with Mitchell.  As for Kellie, she had a history of keeping her romances a secret.  Marla didn't dance with anyone.  And why should she?  Marla already had a boyfriend.  She was probably kicking herself right now for not bringing Mr. Miami along.

I asked myself a very touchy question.  How was it possible to be the leader on a trip with ten extra woman and strike out?  This blew my mind.  55 women, 45 men and I could not find a single woman besides Connie willing to take a chance on me.  Connie did not know Philip before the trip.  She met him at the Cocktail Party.  Noting his good looks, no doubt Connie was flexible enough to cast a wider net.  Smart move.  When a woman looks like Connie, men are easy come, easy go.  Given how many times I had rebuffed her, I guess Connie decided a bird in the hand was in her best interest. 

This pathetic situation was my own fault.  I had no one to blame but myself.  Connie had offered me first chance at her long arms and tender charms, but I dilly-dallied under the assumption that Priscilla was sure to be available.  Back in the old days, I was considered a catch.  For that reason, I assumed the favorable boy-girl ratio guaranteed there would be interest in me.  Apparently not.  Despite a large surplus of single women looking for romance, I had been completely overlooked.  I was too upset to sleep, so I just lay there stewing for an hour.  Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be odd man out.  The obvious answer is that my stock had fallen.   Maybe I should try smiling for a change. 

Paint it Black.

Day One: Saturday, 11:45 pm

A SECOND THOUGHT AT BEDTIME

Around 11:45 I got tired of feeling sorry for myself, so I decided to call it a night.  Rising from the bed to locate my pajamas, I noticed the two activity schedules lying on the floor.  Curious, I picked them up and took a glance.  To my surprise, I noticed there was one activity left for tonight.  It was a Midnight Singles Dance up in the Disco.  This dance was open to everyone on the ship.  Hmm.  Other than Connie, I had not caught one serious glance during the Cocktail Party.  If I had a secret admirer, it was news to me.  Let's face it, the women in my group knew I was damaged goods.  Therefore it made sense to take my chances with the general population at this Midnight Mixer.  What better place to meet someone outside our group than this singles dance?  Based on the Love Boat mythology, this ship must be crawling with dozens of lovelorn women holding fantasies of meeting someone.  However, I was not feeling optimistic.  With my luck, any woman with her radar intact would sense danger and run screaming like Kellie.  Nevertheless, given how badly things had gone tonight, this Mixer might just be my last chance for romance. 

With a sigh, I took a quick shower and got ready to play that lonely game known as Strangers in the Night. 

When we said our first hello
Little did we know
Love was just a glance away
A warm embracing dance away...

Nonsense.  I wasn't expecting much, but I might as well try.