"And so
Rock Bottom became the
solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." --
J.K. Rowling
|
Rick
Archer's Note:
My Leap of Faith
was the major turning point in my life. To
put things in perspective, this
decision became the foundation on which I
rebuilt my life. Only one problem... I had
no idea. We will get to that shortly.
In order to appreciate the
moment better, please allow me to recap my
various
trips to Rock Bottom.
1. 1955: Blind
Eye
2. 1964: Overnight Acne Explosion (Start of the Epic Losing
Streak)
3. 1968: Senior Year Crisis
4. 1970: Search for Meaning
5. 1974: Curse of Vanessa/Parking
Lot Inferno
6. 1979: The Year of Living
Dangerously
|
 |
|
001 |
Suspicious |
Coincidence
Strange Accident |
1955 |
| |
Rick cuts his
eye out by foolishly pulling knife in wrong direction when his mother
calls out at the worst possible time. By coincidence, Rick's
father lost one of his eyes at the same age.
|
|
|
002 |
Serious |
Coincidence |
1955 |
| |
Rick's sudden impulse to play arcade game saves Rick and his
father from Death at Stock Car accident |
|
The first crisis of
my life was caused by my Blind Eye accident. I was
5 at the time. Oddly enough, I snapped out of my
funk thanks to a life-saving decision to stop in my
tracks one instant before a race car crashed through a
fence. The car missed my father and me by four
feet at most, then crashed against a telephone pole.
Seeing the poor race driver slumped against the steering
wheel made me realize that although I was blind in one
eye, at least I was alive. When my father
insisted that my Guardian Angel had saved us, I was both
happy and sad. I was happy to have theoretically
received the telepathic message that saved my life.
However,
where was my Guardian Angel when I cut my eye out?
This marked the first of many times when I found myself
at a loss to understand God's Will.
|
|
013 |
Serious |
Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness |
1964 |
| |
Rick's mother
mysteriously fails to take him to doctor following his serious acne
attack. Her delay initiated Rick's Epic Losing Streak with women,
a span that would last 20 years. High School Hell begins. |
|
|
014 |
Serious |
Coincidence
Lucky Break
Act of Kindness |
1966 |
| |
Rick is in Right Place at the Right Time. Mr. Ocker runs into Rick
at the grocery store and offers him a job that encourages him to come
out of his shell. |
|
The Overnight Acne
Explosion was caused by infection in my lymph gland
system. I was 14 at the time. The
dermatologist said this was the worst case of acne he
had ever seen. What has bothered me my entire life
is the fact that my mother thoroughly cleansed each
pimple she opened with a dose of isopropyl alcohol, a
powerful disinfectant. This treatment had worked
several times before, so why didn't it work this time?
And why was the resulting infection so unbelievably
severe? These are questions that will never be
answered. Here is my point. Since my mother
did take precaution, realistically the freak accident should
not have happened. But since it did happen, I have
always wondered if the Hidden Hand of God was
responsible for delivering this tough act of Fate.
The acne and the
scarring that developed a year later sent me hurtling into the
worst tailspin of my life. Locked deep in
depression and feeling hopeless, one day out of
nowhere I was offered a surprise job as a grocery sacker.
This lucky break was a life saver. The best aspect
was the flurry of $0.25 tips. To my surprise, I
discovered if I was polite and friendly with the
customers, they would reward me with quarter tips.
The upshot is that I was being paid to develop a
personality. Considering I needed every cent I
could earn to save for college, I had found a compelling
reason to learn how to talk to people. This
incentive brought me out of my
shell.
|
|
020 |
Ultra-Serious |
Coincidence
Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness |
1968 |
| |
Caught cheating on German test
due to a very improbable coincidence.
The unacceptable loss of common sense later led to the development of Rick's
Cosmic Blindness theory. When this senseless mistake appeared to
cost Rick a much-needed college scholarship, he hit Rock Bottom. |
|
|
021 |
Ultra-Serious |
Coincidence
Lucky Break
Act of Kindness |
1968 |
| |
Mrs. Ballantyne fails to notice Rick at SJS for 9 years only to
magically appear during the most serious crisis of his life. The
ensuing conversation in the grocery store parking lot gives Rick the
hope to carry on. |
|
Readers will recall The Hidden Hand of God began with the story of my
Senior Year Crisis. When my classmate Katina
Ballantyne won the Jones Scholarship, I fell to pieces
after losing what I thought was my last chance to go to
college the following year. At my lowest point, a
remarkable woman named Maria Ballantyne, Katina's mother no
less, appeared out of
nowhere to restore my hope. After considerable
thought, I became convinced God had led Mrs. Ballantyne
to my side. For this reason I consider her unexpected intervention to be the great
miracle of my life.
Until Mrs.
Ballantyne came along, I was not religious. Did I
believe in God? Maybe, maybe not. To be honest,
I had never given it much thought. That changed in a
hurry thanks to a barrage of six suspected
Supernatural Events in a seven month period. At this
point I decided Divine Intervention was probably the best
explanation, but I was still not sure. Age 18, I was
too young and too preoccupied with other things such as
college and girls to give the issue proper thought.
|
|
026 |
Suspicious |
Lucky Break at a
Critical Moment |
1970 |
| |
Strange Warning at the Hopkins Graduate Reading Room leads Rick to visit
the local Quaker Meeting. An unusual suggestion from a mystic named
Richard leads to Rick's Search for Meaning. A lecture from Bob
Hieronimus supplies further incentive. Carl Jung says that keeping
a List of Coincidences will reveal the existence of God. |
|
|
030 |
Serious |
Precognition
Wish Come True |
1971 |
| |
Rick's Camp Counselor Daydream predicting a summer job comes true.
Unfortunately, Rick discovers the hard way that his social skills are
mediocre. He loses interest in the spiritual journey and majors in
Psychology. |
|
Due to my difficult childhood, I was saddled with serious emotional problems when I
left for college.
Over the next two years, my life took a turn for the worse.
The reason can be traced to my mediocre social skills.
In addition to my much-chronicled problems with women, I did
not know how to make friends with men either. I was
self-centered, moody, sarcastic and aloof. My inability to make friends condemned me to turn into a
hermit. Lonely and depressed from lack of human
contact, I teetered on the edge of a breakdown in the middle
of my Sophomore year.
Fortunately, a mysterious voice inside my head warned me of
my impending collapse and demanded I take immediate action.
My decision to attend the Baltimore Quaker Meeting the
following day was the perfect solution. Not only did I
cheer up, the people I met guided me to a Search for
Meaning. A process lasting a year and a half led to a firm belief in
God and Fate. In Hindsight, I believe the mysterious
warning that led me to the Quaker Meeting very well could
have been the voice of God.
Unfortunately, my mediocre social skills reared their ugly
head once again during my summer job as a camp counselor.
This took place prior
to my Senior year of college. Crushed to discover how
inadequate I was around young men and women my own age, I
decided to put an end to my research into occult matters and
turn my attention to Psychology instead.
|
|
032 |
Suspicious |
Cosmic Blindness |
1973 |
| |
Rick's inability to shut up in Dr. Fujimoto's class gets him thrown out
of graduate school at Colorado State |
|
|
033 |
Serious |
Coincidence |
1973 |
| |
Portland Woman song coincidence leads to Rick's disastrous relationship
with Vanessa. |
|
Although my belief in God remained firmly intact after my switch to
Psychology, I completely forgot about God during my time at Colorado
State. Problems with Dr. Fujimoto cost me dearly, but the real
damage was done by Vanessa. When the Curse of Vanessa hit,
this time there was no convenient Supernatural Event to snap me out
of my downward spiral.
During the second half of my time at Colorado
State, the
anxiety caused by my inadequate social skills multiplied
exponentially. The story of Vanessa, Christine, Debbie, and the Nifty Fifty
shows how my fear of rejection turned from 'Neurosis' into
a much more serious problem known as 'Phobia', a borderline
form of Psychosis.
|
 |
Upon my return to Houston, I was one step from a nervous
breakdown. To my surprise, the Mistress Book, the
Stalled Car, and a dance suggestion from a
drag queen led me to believe the Hidden Hand of God
had returned to my life. Believing that God,
my only friend in the world,
had pointed to 'Dance Lessons' as the answer
to my problems, I reluctantly decided to follow what I
believed was Divine Guidance.
That is when the threatened
breakdown hit hard thanks to the Dance Class from Hell.
|
|
036 |
Serious |
Coincidence |
1974 |
| |
Seeing the Mistress Book dedicated to 'Vanessa' was so improbable,
it felt like an Omen. This convinced Rick to
buy the book that begins his Magic Carpet Ride and takes his
life in an entirely new direction |
|
|
037 |
Serious |
Coincidence |
1974 |
| |
When Rick's car mysteriously stalls at Yolanda's house, the resulting
humiliation makes it impossible for Rick to call Yolanda for another
date. This leads to the Fork in the Road decision to try dance
lessons |
|
|
038 |
Serious |
Coincidence
Weird Experience |
1974 |
| |
After Rick is tricked into the arms of a drag queen, Lynn delivers a
curious message: Try
Dance Lessons.
Lynn's message reinforces Rick's
Fork in the Road decision to try dance lessons |
|
|
039 |
Serious |
Weird
Experience |
1974 |
| |
The Dance Class from Hell included the Gay Gauntlet, the River Oaks
Seven, Rick's Charles Manson appearance, his overwhelming clumsiness, and Disco Dave's decision to
proposition Rick at the end of class |
|
|
040 |
Serious |
Bizarre
Experience |
1974 |
| |
The Parking Lot Inferno marked Rick's triumph over Phobia. Rick's
decision to return the
following week for the Rematch marked the start of Rick's three year
Dance Project. |
|
Imagine my shock when the
Dance Class from Hell sent me hurtling to the absolute lowest
point of my life. I was failure in Love.
I was a failure in Career. I was
inferior to rich women. I was ugly as
sin. And I could not dance a lick.
I could not do anything right.
Staggering to my car after
David had the nerve to proposition me, I was angry
at God. I blamed God for sending me straight
into a trap where I had no chance of success. The way I
felt, God bullied me into doing something I had
resisted, then pulled the rug out from under me.
This made no sense. Isn't God supposed to
help those who help themselves? At this point,
I could no longer contain my frustration.
After yelling at God to give me a break for a
change, I fell completely to pieces and cried my
heart out.
Imagine having a
nervous breakdown in the middle of a parking approaching Death Valley
temperatures. It turned out that was
exactly what I needed. Ten minutes of
torrential tears released all kinds of
pent-up poison in my system. With the
help of a brief two-minute blast of
air-conditioning, I calmed down considerably
and began to think clearly for the first
time in ages.
The first thing I did
was apologize to God. Yes, I still
blamed Him for this strange dance class.
However, I also knew that every time I had
hit Rock Bottom in the past, an
extraordinary event had occurred to give me
hope to start over. Furthermore, I
felt like God had gone to great lengths to
guide me to today's dance class. Hmm.
Maybe God was teaching me a lesson. In
the past, several of my suspected
Supernatural Events had not been pleasant.
The cheating incident on the German test for
example. Seeing Eric and Emily in the
Train Station. The Stalled Car at
Yolanda's house. In addition, there was something
badly wrong about today's dance class.
Ordinarily God prefers to remain invisible.
However, this crazy dance class
had God's fingerprints all over it!! To me, it was like
God had DELIBERATELY tipped His Hand.
Trying to make sense of what had taken
place, one thought in particular caught my
attention.
It was like
all the cards had been stacked against me.
Indeed, my startling First Dance
Class had the earmarks of a definite Supernatural
Event.
If so, then what was the purpose? The more I thought about it, I wondered if all these
problems had been arranged as a way to get my
attention. If that was the case, this was
no mere dance class, this was a Fated Event. I
gasped. This
day had been Karma!
I was certain of it.
Perhaps the Reader assumes all dance classes are this
action-packed. Actually, that is not so.
Typical
dance classes are fun, full of laughter, lots of teasing
about two left feet, short on drama.
The Dance Class from Hell was a major exception. Drawing on
my
40 years of experience
in the dance business, let me compare what is
considered Normal
to what is Abnormal.
First, I had no
business going to that class in the first place.
Under
Normal circumstances, people who know they lack
aptitude for dance do not typically take dance
classes. Knowing the odds are against
them, unless there
is a compelling reason to learn to dance, they
prefer to stick to things they are
good at.
Second, I
should have quit during that dance class.
Although most people who suspect that dancing is not in
their skill set avoid dance lessons, there are a few people like me who take
a dance class even
though they expect to struggle. Typically a friend or loved one such
as a wife, boyfriend, brother, etc, has
encouraged them to at least give it a try.
Some people discover
they are better at dancing than they
previously
imagined. They stick with it and go on to
develop a new hobby. However,
more often the news is not quite so wonderful.
When new students experience great difficulty in
their first dance class, if they come alone, they
usually leave when no one is looking. If by chance
they stick it out till the end of class, they rarely come back
for the second class.
Putting things into
perspective, yes, dancing is fun, but it is
still just
a hobby. No big deal. If things go wrong, it is hardly worth the stress. If
the first dance class is too frustrating, a
sensible person
typically decides this is going to require a lot
more work than it is worth, so why bother? Under
Normal circumstances,
they quit and find something easier to do.
Third, an Ordinary
Dance Class does not consist of seven extremely wealthy
women.
There are two kinds
of dance classes. Private lessons and Group
lessons. If these women wanted privacy, all they
had to do was pay David for a private lesson. Hey,
they could afford it! Here again, what are the
odds? By and large every dance class I ever taught
consisted of normal people. There was only one
exception... the Dance Class from Hell. During my
40 year dance career, I never saw a single incident even
remotely as absurd as seven high and mighty women bent
out of shape over a woebegone
newcomer.
Fourth, a Dance
Class should not become a Life Crisis.
As I write,
I have taught dance for 40 years. I do not
recall a single student who ever suggested
their first dance class was a
life-defining moment. Sure, lots of people
have to overcome jitters and cold feet to show
up, but no one has ever described their first
dance class
as an Existential Experience, a Crisis, or Karmic Test of
Fire. Only me.
In an Ordinary
World, taking a dance class should carry no more impact
than a ho-hum gardening class or basket weaving. In an Ordinary World, one does
not have ten gay men stare daggers as if the
guest is
from another planet. In an Ordinary World,
one would not expect to be confronted with seven scornful
women straight out of one's tormented
past. In an Ordinary World, one does not look in the mirror and realize he
resembles a mass murderer. In an Ordinary
World, one does not contemplate tearing his hair
out over a
poor performance on Step-Ball-Change. In an Ordinary World, one does not get
rudely propositioned at the
end of class. In an
Ordinary World, one does not sit in 100
degree
heat for nearly an hour because he is too shaken to
leave.
In other
words, most people would have left in the middle of class.
And if they did stay till the end, they would never return.
Why did I
stay? The River Oaks Seven.
From the moment I
entered the room
I was obsessed with the
River Oaks Seven.
Why were those women there?
Seriously, God could not have picked seven
more perfect villains than those nasty
women.
As far as I
was concerned, seeing seven socialites in my first dance class was
Weirder than being seduced by a drag queen, having my car stall at the
worst possible time or being propositioned by
my
horny gay dance instructor.
My Intuition
suggested I had been placed
in this situation specifically to face my demons.
|
Earlier I spoke of Dr.
Hilton's sledgehammer therapy technique: "Tie
me to a tree." In essence, that is
exactly what happened to me during the
Dance Class from Hell. God forced me to
face every fear in my psyche! My fear
of inferiority, my fear of being secretly gay,
my fear of being ugly, and my fear that I was a
pathetic dancer. Most of all God made me
face my fear of rejection by
attractive women.
Although
my Rejection Phobia is the obstacle that drives my saga, Fear is
not necessarily a bad thing. Fear protects us from
danger. We all understand that. However, in my
case, my Fear had become over-protective to the point of
inhibiting normal behavior. Once Fear enters your
mind, it does not leave
willingly, especially if it is allowed to hang around too
long. Fear is just like infection. The longer
Fear is left untreated, the harder it is to conquer.
The cowboys say when you get thrown by a horse, you must get
right back in the saddle. The longer you wait, the
harder it will be. The only way to conquer the fear of
flying is to get on the airplane and fly. Easier said
than done. One day the plane goes through a dangerous
storm and plummets several thousand feet before it rights
itself. It is nearly impossible to get on the next
plane after that, but don't let Fear get settled in your
mind. Once fear takes hold,
it is nearly impossible to get rid of.
The problem for me is that I dealt
with my Phobia by AVOIDING IT. Consequently I was not
getting anywhere. This was the wrong approach.
For example, I once had a car
accident on the freeway. A giant truck came speeding
by on my left at 75 mph. Since I am blind in my left
eye, I had no idea the massive vehicle was there. The
truck came so close that its right side mirror clipped my
left side mirror and snapped it off. I was not hurt,
but I was terrified by the close call. For a month I
was too nervous to get back on the freeway.
One day I was so late to an important job interview, I
decided I had no choice but take the freeway. I was
very scared! However, by the time I arrived, the
problem was gone. A man must face his fear to beat it.
|
 |
 |
Once I calmed down in the car,
I was unwilling to accept that God was my
enemy. In that case, there had to be some purpose to this
ordeal I had just faced. The circumstances
surrounding the Dance Class from Hell were so
preposterous I decided God had staged this bizarre
event as a way to get my attention.
I decided this awful experience had been a Test of
my Faith. Did I trust God enough to commit
to something I did not believe in? Was I willing
to follow God's Will over my own Will? Skeptical and more than
slightly incredulous, I told myself, "Okay, given that this
situation has all the earmarks of a
supernatural event, I will trust my instinct and
return to this dance class even though I doubt I will
do very well."
This weird idea
reminded me of God's demand to Abraham in
the Bible.
"And the Lord said unto Abram, 'Abandon
your country, leave your family and your
father’s house behind, go to an unknown
land I have chosen for you.'"
Granted, taking a dance class against my
will was not quite the same as Abraham
asked by God to abandon his entire world,
but my decision was based on Faith
nonetheless. Maybe things would
work out better than I expected. Maybe
I'm not as bad a dancer as today's class
indicated.
I recalled my belief that God had guided me through
trouble on several occasions, so yes, I would do this even though it
struck me as futile. It
did not matter that I had no idea what God was up
to. If God wants me to learn to dance, then by
God I promise to do just that.
I gave my decision a name, the 'Leap of Faith'.
|
|
THE
LOST YEARS |
|
041 |
Suspicious |
Coincidence
Omen |
1974 |
| |
The Magic Mirror gives Rick a fighting chance to avoid further
humiliation in the Rematch.
Rick's decision to return for a Rematch marked the
start of Rick's three year Dance Project, his 'Leap of Faith'. |
|
 |
I cannot emphasize enough how
important the Magic Mirror was to me.
Every possible
thing that could have gone wrong in the Dance Class from
Hell had indeed gone wrong. In fact, my misery was
so intense it took on
Biblical proportions of woe. The only thing
missing was being swallowed by a whale. However,
there is something known as over-playing your hand.
My
dance class had been so far beyond ordinary that the
Hidden Hand of God was practically visible. With
my Supernatural Alarm on highest alert, I assumed only God
had the power to stack the cards against me to this
extent. That is when I reached the strangest
conclusion of all. God's Will, not Rick's Will.
This dance class is where God wanted to me to be.
However, I had one nagging worry.
What if I was wrong? I had just staked my hopes on
the longest of long-shots, a dance class of all things,
to rescue me from mental illness.
We've all heard of the fool on the hill who sits there
waiting in vain for the world to end. Was that me?
Given my doubt, imagine my relief when the Magic Mirror
appeared out of nowhere to reassure me. During the Parking Lot Inferno
I had felt abandoned by God. Thanks to the Magic
Mirror, I no longer felt abandoned. In fact, dancing
in this Mirror cheered me up so much I felt like I was
following God's Will. With that thought, tears of joy came to my eyes.
The
Mirror implied that I was not traveling this Dance Path alone.
|
Many years down the
road, I told this story to a friend named Stefan.
He proceeded to offer his own explanation.
"One of the masters of the spiritual life was Ignatius
of Loyola. He described a means of how we can test
whether an idea, decision, or choice is aligned with
God's will. When we contemplate an act contrary to
God's will, the Holy Ghost acts in our soul and
generates discontent, upset, a lack of peace, and other
emotions that Ignatius termed as 'desolations'.
In contrast, when we act in a way aligned
with God's will, the reaction of the Holy Spirit is
described by Ignatius as 'like water dripping on a
sponge'. We receive subtle, difficult to
detect signals, but there is a kind of peace and
plentitude that quietly fills our soul. In other
words, when you acted against God's Will, nothing seemed
to go right. But when you began to follow the path
laid out for you even though it made no sense in
practical terms, your feelings of distress began to
dissipate. You were imbued with the sense that you
had been guided to these lessons."
Yes, believe it
or not, the moment I committed to my Dance Project, my life
began to improve. Don't get me wrong, I was still
lonely, I still did not know what I was going to do with my
life, I still did not have a girlfriend. But I was not
miserable anymore. Although I was lost, I assumed God
would guide me. I figured that once I learned to
dance, God would hand me a reward.
Oh my, talk
about wishful thinking! Unbeknownst to
me, God had played a trick in regards to my Leap of Faith. Assuming I was following
God's Will, I had just committed to a Dance Project with a
rather preposterous goal: Excellence. Given I could
not even do 'Step Ball Change', what was I thinking? Nor had I
specified a time limit.
Had I known this Dance Project would last THREE YEARS, I
would have been hard-pressed to sign on the dotted line.
Once I got my Magic Mirror, I figured four to six months
max. And you know what? I was right. As we
shall see, it
took me five months to catch up to the River Oaks Seven.
So why Three
Years?
I risk spoiling the
fun if I tell you what happened next.
But I will give you one clue. The proceeding chapters
will help explain how I was slowly cured of my Rejection Phobia.
Get ready for The Lost Years.
I promise you will be entertained.
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