My role as a Partner Dance instructor began on Friday, March 3.  It is also marked my very first "Intermediate-level" group class.  In Hindsight, perhaps I should have spent less time thinking about Karen and more time about my debut.  I suppose I am not the first man to ever be distracted by a woman, but in this case my negligence nearly cost me my job.  The biggest problem for a rookie sea captain is not knowing where the rocks are hidden.  That was more or less my problem too.  I didn't even know there were rocks to begin with.

Things started off well enough with a review of Freestyle moves plus a new line dance.  My problems began when I introduced my go-to move, the magnificent Pistachio Step.  First Suzy Q and I did a grand demonstration of the Swingaround-Pistachio Step combination to enthusiastic oohs and aahs.  It went downhill from there.  The Pistachio Step did so much damage, we never got to the Swingaround. 

To my dismay, I discovered I could not explain how the 'Pistachio Step' pattern worked to save my soul.  The first problem was the use of the man's right arm.  If a man goes to his left, it is natural to go under his left arm.  The Pistachio Step required the man to go to his left under his right arm.  The men could not seem to catch on despite my explanation.  They would raise their right hand like I told them to, then decide that made no sense.  They pull their right hand back down and go under their left hand instead.  I shocked to discover every man in the room had the same problem.  The confusion would have been comedic to a casual observer, but it made me panic.  I was not the only one who panicked.  Deeply frustrated, the students began to hit me with a barrage of questions.

A man asked, "What foot do I start on?" 

I answered that it doesn't matter.

A woman asked, "How does this Pistachio move fit the speed of the music?" 

I answered that I wasn't sure. 

Another man asked, "How do you lead this move?" 

I replied, "The man raises his right arm."

"No, that's not what I meant.  What move comes before this one?"

I wasn't sure of that either.  Sensing weakness, the class hit me with a barrage of questions. 

"Is this the only move we are going to learn?"  "What is this dance called?"  "What's the woman's footwork to this dance?"  "Let's skip this move.  It's too hard.  Can you and Suzy teach us a different move?" 

I quickly raced to the woman's side.  Her name was Melissa.  Seeing her rub her nose, I asked, "Are you okay?"

Melissa nodded, "Yeah, I think so.  But, gosh, that really hurt."

Melissa's partner Dan stood there filled with remorse.  He alternated between showering Melissa with apology and staring darts of blame at me.  As for everyone else, they were very subdued.  Fortunately, the drama did not last long.  After a minute to shake off the pain, Melissa got up, squeezed her nose to make sure it was still attached, then announced to the class that she was okay.

In a voice dripping with hostility, Dan spoke up.  "Rick, will you explain to me what went wrong?"

Guess what?  I had no idea what went wrong.  Sensing I was about to be exposed as the incompetent teacher I was, Suzy interceded on my behalf.  "Dan, I think I know what went wrong.  The man has to raise his right arm a certain way to avoid hitting the woman's nose.  Here, let me show everyone what the problem is."

Suzy grabbed my right arm and told me to lift it as she held on.  "Do you see what I mean?  When Rick raises his right hand, he keeps his elbow close to his chest."  Suzy looked at me and told me to do it again.  "Rick, this time stick your elbow out."

When I raised my arm the wrong way, every person in the room gasped.  My elbow missed Suzy's nose by one or two inches at most.  Suzy turned to address the men. 

"Now that you see the difference, let's try again, but in slow motion.  Ladies, you are in charge.  If you think your partner's elbow is sticking out too far, just tell him.  The men don't want to hurt you, so speak up.  You be the coach."

Suzy's suggestion worked a small miracle.  The women took over the class and trained the men how to safely go under their right arm.  The morale in the room picked up immediately as the ladies complimented their partners on solving the problem.  We still had 7 or 8 minutes left, but I decided to quit while I was ahead. 

"Okay, everyone, that's enough for tonight.  Before you go, let's give Suzy a big hand for solving the mystery of the Pistachio Step.  And how about a hand for Melissa and all the women in the room for their courage.  Thanks to Suzy and all our ladies, we got over a big hurdle tonight.  Next week things will be much easier."

The applause was light, but sincere.  Other than a few dirty looks as people filed out, I was forgiven for the most part.  Thank goodness.  It is embarrassing to admit my career was saved by hiding behind a woman, but that is essentially what happened. 

SUZY Q TO THE RESCUE

Thank goodness Lance Stevens had been teaching a class of his own during my inauspicious debut.  That prevented him from observing what a total disaster my class had been.  However, I did not escape unscathed.  As I stood there speaking to Suzy, Stevens came up to me with a huge scowl.  Expecting the worst, I blanched in fear.  Was I about to be fired?

In a brusque voice, Stevens said, "Irma, the lady who does registration, told me several of your students left with frowns.  They seemed upset.  What did you do wrong?" 

I started to defend myself, then remembered Dr. Fujimoto, my Graduate School nemesis.  My brain screamed, "Never argue with the boss!"  So instead of responding with a prickly comeback, I remembered how Fujimoto avoided answering a question by asking a question of his own.  "Gosh, I am not sure what you mean, Mr. Stevens.  Can you explain?"

To my relief, my ploy worked.  Stevens continued talking.  "I think it is pretty obvious that something went wrong and..."

Just then Suzy interrupted.  "Oh, Lance, calm down.  Rick's class went just fine.  Just a few problems explaining how one of the moves worked, nothing for you to worry about.  Those people are total beginners, so what do you expect?" 

Suzy finished by flashing Stevens a huge smile.  Taken aback, Stevens hesitated.  He looked at Suzy with suspicion, then looked at me.  "No one asked for a refund, but obviously you need to improve.  I expect you to keep working on partner dancing.  Do you understand?" 

"Yes, sir, I understand."

Stevens stared at me longer than necessary.  I knew what that look meant and held my breath.  Finally Stevens shook his head in disgust.  Deciding to leave it there, Stevens told me to lock up, then walked out the door.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  This had been a very close call.  They say behind every successful man is the woman who got him there.  Lucky to be alive, I was starting to catch on.  I turned to Suzy.  "I am in serious debt to you.  You saved my job tonight twice."

Suzy smiled.  "Don't worry about it.  That's what friends are for.  Besides, give yourself some credit.  I know how hard you worked to teach yourself how to partner dance without any help.  Cheer up.  There are bound to be bumps and bruises while you figure things out."

"Stevens was ready to take my head off.  But when you called him 'Lance', I think that's what made him change gears.  How well do you know him?"

"Lance and I go back a couple of years.  I know him pretty well.  Chip and I have taken many private and group Ballroom lessons from him.  I said something in hopes that he would not want to argue in front of me."

"Thank you for interceding.  If you hadn't been there to say something, I would have been in real trouble."

Suzy nodded.  "You're right about that.  Lance can be a real jerk sometimes.  I was glad to help."

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.  "Suzy, I have asked you for so much help but could I ask for one more favor?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Would you stick around a while to help me figure out what went wrong tonight?"

Suzy looked at her watch.  8:30.  "Sure, I have nothing better to do.  Chip is out playing poker with his buddies."

In particular I was still upset over Melissa's scream.  Fortunately it was just a glancing blow.  No permanent damage, but Dan's elbow had hurt enough to stun her.  Melissa had been forced to sit down with tears in her eyes while everyone else stared in horror.  Suzy and I began by analyzing the arm work of the Pistachio Step.  I frowned at the recollection of how discouraged my students had been. 

"Suzy, aren't you ever afraid I will hit you with my arm?"

"Yes and no.  I was definitely afraid at first.  Fortunately, whenever I saw it coming, I learned to pull my head back.  But as we practiced, you seemed to change your arm somehow that took the danger out."

"Why didn't you say something before when I scared you?"

"You're right, I should have.  You were already discouraged by trying to learn something from scratch, so I didn't want to upset you worse than you already were.  Besides, once you solved the problem yourself, I forgot about it.  You know what they say, Hindsight is 20-20"

I shook my head in disgrace.  Tonight's class had gone very poorly.  Not only did I have great difficulty explaining how the pattern worked, I had endangered the safety of the women in the process.  Having reached my level of incompetence, I recalled the Peter Principle.  Fortunately, I had survived the ordeal thanks to the help of this kind woman plus the good nature of my students.  This was not a new group.  My March-April 'Intermediate' students were carryovers from my January-February Beginner class.  Over the previous eight weeks, we had shared laughs and good times.  Thanks to our previous rapport, my students seemed willing to give me a second chance.  Now it was time to back up my promise that things would go much smoother next week. 

"Let's practice the Pistachio Step some more."

With Suzy's help, I discovered if I delayed raising my right hand to full height for an instant longer plus make an effort to keep my elbow in towards my chest, this gave the woman's face more space to clear the dangerous elbow.  Even better, if I turned my back to the woman more quickly, my elbow was no danger at all.  I was glad to discover a way to make this signature move safer. 

Now we switched to Janie's Aggie Jitterbug.  I got so involved I lost track of time.  Over the next two and a half hours, I came up with several ideas to complement Suzy's useful observations.  The key moment came when Suzy made a discovery of her own.  "It seems to me you and I are using the same footwork on the Pistachio Step."

"Really?  Show me what you mean."

We danced the move and watched what our feet were doing.  Sure enough, Suzy was right.  We had used the same six steps over and over.  To my surprise, when the footwork was danced correctly, the Pistachio Step became so much smoother.  I found it curious that the boy's footwork and the girl's footwork were identical. 

"Suzy, it seems to me your part and my part on the Boy Turn-Girl Turn sequence is a mirror image.  When I am active and going under my right arm, you are passive and pass behind me.  When you go under your right arm in the active role, I switch to the passive role behind you."

"I think you're right.  That must be why we have the same footwork."

That made me curious about something.  "Let's try the Pistachio Step using Disco Swing footwork."

After a couple tries, Suzy said, "The back-step slows it down.  I prefer the Aggie Jitterbug way."

I agreed.  Eliminating the 'Back-Step' from Disco Swing made the pattern move at the speed being used at the Pistachio Club.  Now we were getting somewhere. 

I needed one more move, so we added a pattern called the 'Carousel' where the boy and girl walk side by side in a clockwise circle.  This was a move Travolta used in the movie.  Now I had a complete system

1. Carousel
2. One-arm Boy Turn/Girl turn
3. Two-hand Swingaround which led to the Pistachio Step
4. Exit back to Carousel. 

This set of patterns worked equally well in my Aggie Jitterbug-based system or Disco Swing.  However I noticed my system moved faster than the slow-footed 'Disco Swing'.  Each of Stevens' Disco Swing patterns took four steps to complete while Janie's 'Aggie Jitterbug' took three steps to complete.  It might not seem like much, but in essence my system was 25% faster, 3 steps to the less economical 4 steps.  If someone wanted to go even faster, most people just ignored the beat. 

To Lance Stevens, the idea of imprecise footwork and ignoring the beat of the music was blasphemous.  However I thought it made more sense to give people what they wanted.  It all boiled down to age difference.  For the senior citizens who took private lessons from Stevens, using four steps rather than three was the right pace for them.  On the other hand, it was off to the races for my students.  Young and full of energy, they preferred speed over grace.  It is not necessary for the Reader to understand every detail.  What is important is that choosing the Aggie Jitterbug style over the Disco Swing style favored by Lance Stevens, I invited serious fireworks if he ever found out. 

This was a special moment.  I had just discovered I had an uncanny knack for creating a workable system of partner dance patterns from scratch.  To me, putting these dance moves together was like solving a logic puzzle.  I had always been good at computer programming, so now I got a similar joy out of fitting dance moves together in a logical sequence.  Hard to believe, but I had developed a way to teach Disco partner dancing to beginners pretty much all by myself.  Yes, in addition to a lot of luck, I added a touch of ingenuity of my own.  I was very proud of myself.  Crisis averted!

"Suzy Q, I love you!  You have been my angel."

Suzy smiled.  "You are quite welcome.  However, it is very late.  Chip is going to kill me if I don't leave now.  In which case I really will be an angel."