MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:

POLKA LABORATORY

Written by Rick Archer 

WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, SEPTEMBER 12 STEP-TOGETHER-STEP

It was Wednesday afternoon, September 12.  Three days ago I had impersonated a Country-Western instructor at the Meyerland Club.  Thank goodness the 50 students could have cared less about dancing.  In truth, the first lesson was little more than an elaborate excuse to conduct their Western fashion spectacle.  Thanks to their party mood, no one took me to task for wasting vast amounts of time with jokes, blather and bluffing.  Unfortunately I had a hunch at least a few of my Meyerland students would expect me to get down to business in Week Two. 

I was in a very bad mood as I drove to meet Joanne at the studio for our second Western lesson, .  Last night had been horrible.  First Victoria, then Jennifer.  Now I had this awful Meyerland problem to deal with.  Thoroughly depressed, the last thing I wanted was another round of Helen Keller C&W lessons with Joanne.  But what choice did I have?

Perhaps the Reader wonders where my lofty Churchill and Nietzsche inspirations disappeared to.  That is a very good question.  Thoughts of Fate were always vaguely present, but when the heat was on, I was much too preoccupied with coping to worry about it.  It is tough to be philosophical in the middle of a crisis.

Joanne was nowhere near as brave as me.  Stunned that I was willing to teach something I knew nothing about, Joanne was a bundle of nerves over this enormous gamble we were taking. 

"Rick, last Sunday I was really worried about what someone might say.  I don't know how you can pull this deception off for two months unless you are willing to go dancing with me at a Kicker Club and see what is going on."

Haunted by dark memories of the Cactus Club, I shook my head in disgust. 

"I'm sorry, Joanne, but I can't make myself do it.  As far as I'm concerned, I never want to set foot in another honky-tonk as long as I live.  That includes Gilley's, Cactus Club, and Cowboy too.  Just teach me enough to get me through this two-month ordeal.  After that I intend to forget all about it.  When Disco dies, I intend to get a real job next year."

Filled with contempt due to my bad attitude, Joanne shrugged her shoulders.  "All right, have it your way.  I was amazed how you bluffed your way through last Sunday's class, but what will you do when you run out of jokes?  We need to be better prepared for next week."

"I agree, it would not hurt to learn the Polka better in case my sense of humor fails me.  So I have a question.  Does the man always go forward in the Polka or does the guy ever go backwards?"

"It depends on where I go dancing.  Some guys go backwards, but most guys don't like to go backwards.  At the Cactus Club, the men never go backwards.  Men seem to lose their balance a lot.  So to answer your question, guys can go backwards if they want to, but I don't see it very often."

I was impressed.  As opposed to her clueless answers last week, this was helpful.  "Okay, Joanne, I am going to see why the Polka is so difficult when a person goes backwards."

Curious, I danced the Polka backwards for a while.  Sure enough, I lost my balance repeatedly.  Embarrassed at how bad I was, I could see why most men avoided going backwards.  Joanne was right; going backwards was difficult.  It was not till much later in my career did I come up with a theory to explain why women catch on so much faster.  Due to their experience with high heels, women learn to reach backwards with the ball of their foot.  Unfortunately men tend to put weight on their heel when they go backwards.  By landing flat-footed, men stumble all the time.  Rather than figure out what their problem was, most men find it easier to make the women go backwards.  Problem solved.

I probably should not say this, but a lot of men have a thin skin when it comes to dancing.  Maybe that includes me sometimes.  Any criticism becomes a reason to sit down, pout for a while and order another beer.  Women love to dance so much, they learn to bite their tongue.  Better to dance backwards than not dance at all.  Given that it was tricky and since most women did not object, the attitude of most men was why bother to learning to dance backwards.  Still, if the women could go backwards, it stood to reason that the men should be able to do it too.  Maybe with practice, this was a hurdle the men could master. 

Once I got the hang of it, Joanne suggested we dance the Polka together with me going backwards. 

"Don't forget the flow of the dancing goes in a circle counter-clockwise around the floor."

I gave her a wan smile.  "Just like deadly hurricanes, right?"

Joanne got a blank look in her eyes.  "What are you talking about?"

"Never mind.  But, yes, you are right, I need to practice going backwards in a circle."

I hated it at first, but my experience with Disco finally came in handy.  Once I stopped putting my heel down in back, my balance improved immediately.  As we danced, whenever we reached a corner of the room, Joanne's momentum often carried her past my body.  Before I knew it, suddenly I had switched from going backwards to going forwards. 

"How did you do that, Joanne?"

"I don't know.  It just happened.  In fact, it sometimes happens in a club.  Whenever we reach a corner in the dance clubs, the good dancers automatically trade places with me."

"Really?  I thought the women went backwards all the time."

"Most of the time, but not always.  It depends on the skill level of the man.  If he's a beginner or an old-timer, I go backwards the whole song.  But the younger guys take turns going forwards and backwards.  I like doing it that way."

"What do you mean?"

"The Polka is a lot more fun when the man and woman take turns going forward."

"Are you saying some men are willing to alternate going forward and back?"

"Yes.  To me, it's like there are two styles of Country.  I call it the Old-style and the New-style.  Most guys just make me go backwards the entire time.  That's the Old Style.  However, the best dancers alternate.  That's the New Style."

"Huh.  That's interesting.  Can you explain why there are two styles?"

"No, but if you would quit being so stubborn and visit a club, you would see what I am talking about."

"What style are you teaching me?"

"I suggest you learn the New Style.  Girls will like it more.  But maybe not.  The Old Style is easier to learn.  These Meyerland people aren't very good, especially the men.  Maybe you should stick with the Old Style."

"On the other hand, whatever style women like more has a better chance of catching on.  If you say the New Style is more fun for the women, that gets my vote."

"Why is that?"

"Which style is easier to learn?"

"The Old Style, of course."

"Then we should teach the New Style?"

"But why?"

"I've got to figure out some way to stretch this material out to eight weeks of classes.  If we can figure out how your New Style is done, we might have more material to teach."

Joanne smiled.  "That makes sense.  Now I get it."

Following Joanne's accidental forwards-to-backwards transition, I assumed it could be done again.  I danced backwards and Joanne repeated her trick of switching herself from forwards to backwards when we reached the corner.  Joanne could not explain how she did it.  However, by repeating the trick several times I was able to I analyze her footwork.  After doing this several times, I noticed she always passed me starting with her left foot and it worked best when she did it near a corner.  Now I tried it.  I went forwards and found if I waited for the corner and used my left foot, it was not that difficult to pass Joanne.  This helped me get the idea how to make the transition work.  I called it 'Cutting the Corner'. 

I did not understand why at the time, but a transition on a straightway requires more work than a corner.  A 90 degree transition is much easy than a 180 degree transition.  I noticed something else.  The fact that this 'Cutting the Corner' move used the same foot for both the man and the woman gave me my next clue.  That gave me an idea. 

"Hey, Joanne, are the man's footwork and the woman's footwork in the Polka the same?"

Joanne looked at her feet and froze.  She was like a deer in the headlights.  "I don't know what my feet do, I just..." 

That is when Joanne saw that look in my eye and decided not to finish the sentence for fear of her life.  Joanne began to stare at her feet as if they might talk back to her.  Then she looked back to me and began blinking in utter confusion.

"Why do you keep asking me questions like this?  You know I don't know what my feet do."

"Let's dance together and take turns going forward and backwards and see what happens."

After some experimenting, it became obvious that the boy's part and the girl's part were the same. 

Joanne agreed with me.  "Yeah, I guess you're right.  I bet the boy's part and the girl's part are the same but they start on a different foot."

I smiled.  "All right, that's great.  Now we're getting somewhere.  I have another question.  When I watch you dance, you seem to bring your feet together a lot."

"I've never given it any thought.  I don't know what my feet do."  Then she flinched.  "I forgot I am not supposed to say that anymore."

I laughed.  "Don't worry about it.  Okay, you dance backwards while I dance forwards and let me watch how your feet move."

So we did just that.  "Okay, now dance beside me going forwards."

We danced side by side to the end of the room.  "Okay, let's do the same thing, but go backwards this time."

When we finished, I said, "I think your feet move differently than mine.  My triple step begins with a long step and two short steps, sort of a skipping motion, but your feet go step-together-step.  Your footwork is smoother than mine."

"Dance with me again."  Joanne watched her feet to test my theory.  Soon she stopped and smiled.  "I think you are right.  I think that is what my feet do.  Dance with me again and why don't you do step-together-step as well."

It took me awhile to figure it out, but by reducing the size of my first step, my steps matched Joanne's.  Joanne was very pleased when we finished.  "Yeah, that's good.  Whatever change you just made, that feels like what the best Polka dancers do.  You're on to something, Rick.  Now try going backwards and take that same short first step."

To my great satisfaction, Joanne's idea worked.  I was proud of myself.  After much trial and error, I had just discovered the genetic code of Polka.  The Polka consisted of two 'step-together-step' units.  This proved to be a major discovery because it led to a system of step-together-step patterns I referred to as 'Transition Polka'.  This is how it worked.  The boy starts by going forwards.  When he is ready, the boy passes the girl, then goes backwards for a while.  When he is ready, he allows the girl pass him and go backwards again.  In other words, boy pass girl, girl pass boy over and over again.   

When we were finished, Joanne grinned.  "That was pretty smart.  How did you figure all that out, Rick?"

"Beats me.  Trial and error, I guess.  Plus you helped a lot."

"Don't be modest.  Tell me how you did it."

"When I first started teaching Disco, all I knew how to do was teach freestyle and line dances.  But pretty soon my students wanted to partner dance like John Travolta in the movie.  Believe it or not, I somehow taught myself how to partner dance just by watching and experimenting.  It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.  One day I discovered the lady I was practicing with used the same footwork as me.  Today the memory of that discovery popped into my head, so I asked you the same question about the Polka.  The moment I realized the man's footwork is the same as the woman's, things just started to make sense."

"Good for you, Rick.  You seem to have it figured out."

"I don't know about that, Joanne, but I do enjoy solving puzzles.  Today was a lot easier than last week."

Truth be told, I didn't feel particularly smart.  It had taken me three hours to figure this out.  I had enough to get by, but progress was glacial.  That said, I agreed we were onto something we could build on.  Today we had developed a system of sorts.  It was rudimentary, but it worked, so that was good enough for me.  I was encouraged.  We had enough material to make it through next Sunday's Meyerland class.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT, SEPTEMBER 12, 1979 JENNIFER'S SUSPICIOUS MIND

During class that night, I could not wait to speak to Jennifer later on.  Last night Jennifer accused me of lying to her about Victoria.  I had been upset about that all day long.  I had to find some way to regain Jennifer's confidence.  When class ended at 9 pm, I called Jennifer from the studio.  When she answered, I asked for permission to come over.

"No," she answered, "that is not a good idea, not the way I feel right now.  But call me when you get home."

Thirty minutes later we resumed talking.  Or should I say I did the talking.   I talked till I was blue in the face, but Jennifer was ice cold. Mostly she just listened.

"Okay, Jennifer, have I convinced you that I am not lying about Victoria?"

"No, not really.  At the very least, you have committed a major lie by omission.  For that matter, you may be lying to me right now about your true feelings for this woman.  I don't like lies.  I had a steady boyfriend in college who lied to me and it took me more than a year to get over him.  I have known you for 11 days and not once have you mentioned this situation to me.  Now I feel very threatened by her.  I also feel betrayed by you."

Feeling desperate, I blurted out, "But I'm telling you the truth!  Victoria is not my girlfriend!"

"Last night you told me my friend Claudia didn't know what she was talking about, so I called her today.  Claudia complimented your dancing.  She said you and Victoria look very good on the dance floor.  She also saw Victoria follow you wherever you went.  One time she even put her arm around you.  In Claudia's opinion, you did not appear to be resisting very hard.  You may be telling the truth or you may be lying to me.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I am very hurt.  I am confused about what to do next, so I have decided to go home again this weekend.  I am going to talk things over with Dad and try to clear my mind.  I am leaving tomorrow afternoon after work.  We can resume this discussion when I return on Sunday."

When Jennifer hung up, I was devastated.  I did not know exactly what Claudia had told her about Victoria and me, but there was definitely poison in Jennifer's mind.  In my heart, I had done nothing wrong.  Although I should have been more candid before Jennifer learned things the hard way, I still felt like I deserved the benefit of the doubt.  Not in Jennifer's book.  From what I gathered, she was definitely not the trusting type.