When I did not hate
Victoria, I felt sorry for her. She knew the
studio did not make enough money to support two people.
Thanks to my threadbare existence, I was in no danger of
debtor's prison. However, pretty soon there would not
be much to eat as the
Disco proceeds trickled down. Well, maybe I
exaggerate. I had the ability to subsist on peanut
butter and jelly for quite a while. The point is that
Victoria should have accepted my meager earnings could not
match her husband's salary long ago. My biggest fear
was that Victoria had passed the point of no return with
Michael. Her antics had quite
possibly made her marriage irreparable.
Today was High
Noon. As we met, I was harboring three secrets. One
was Jennifer. Two was Joanne. The third was my decision that I
did not need her to teach classes in October. I
intended to tell her after class this coming Thursday, two
days from now.
Meanwhile Victoria had dropped hints she was
ready to move in with me. I had fended her off with
appeasement, but it did no use. She just kept coming on stronger. It was
not my idea to meet today, but since we were here, I intended to put a
complete and total end to any idea of moving in. I took a sip of coffee, put it down,
and nodded to Victoria. Let the whining begin.
"Rick,
do you want to know something interesting? Throughout high school and college, at any given
moment
I
always had a minimum of three men to choose from, sometimes even
more. Now I have no one. It looks like I have irretrievably burned
my bridge with
Michael. For once in my life, I have not
played my cards right. Michael is pushing me out the
door and you are shoving me back in."
With an air of
resignation, Victoria took a moment to drink her coffee and
reflect. Although I have painted an
unflattering picture of Victoria as Villain,
the Sunshine Victoria I knew back in the
beginning was a good
person. Somewhere along the line Victoria
had taken a wrong turn. Now she could not seem to force herself to turn
around before it was too late. That was a
shame. A vision of the giant Titanic unable
to avoid the deadly iceberg came to mind.
My fear was Victoria would take me down with her. There
had been a part of me
that hoped the Victoria I once
knew would come to her senses and help me revive our partnership at the studio.
However, with Disco on a respirator, that was no longer
realistic. The most important thing is that her threats of moving in had to stop now.
"Back in
July, you promised to make me a partner in the business.
Why have you changed your tune?"
I groaned.
Haven't we been through this?
"Fair enough, let's
start there. A lot can happen in three
months. Over the past three months, July,
August, September, you have seen first-hand how our Disco enrollments have dropped off.
Attendance in September is one-fourth of what it
is was during the summer. Many of our established customers
have remained loyal, but there are next to no new
people coming in. Class Factory
reports all interest in Disco has dried up. As it stands, I make
enough money to pay my bills and that's
about it. As for you, do you honestly think I want to
worry about buying you a new car as you recently
inquired? Do you think I want to begin paying
your medical insurance? I know you have a practical side, so
you need to face facts."
"Back in July, you asked me to be your
business partner. Are you good for
your word or not?"
"Don't be
ridiculous. That ship has sailed. Back in July
when
attendance was still healthy, I talked
about splitting proceeds 50-50 if you came to
work at the studio full-time. However, you
never showed any interest in that offer.
If you had offered to do some of the heavy
lifting three months ago, I would have welcomed
you. Instead you were more interested in
insulting me with your Husband List and Playboy
accusation. Those days are
long gone. My business offer is off the table."
I almost added the 'moving
in' offer was off the table too, but one thing at a time.
"Back
then, I was not in a position to work every
night of the week. I have a child to
take care of. Back in July, I was already away from
Stephanie
more than I should. That is one of the things
Michael and I argue about."
"What you say makes
perfect sense, Victoria. I get it. However, your
window of opportunity is gone. Use it or lose it.
At this point, expecting Disco to pay your bills is out of the question."
Victoria stared hate
daggers at me.
"You make me so mad! I have spent the
past year building our dance program just so
we could have a future together and now
you plan to run the moment business
falls off a bit."
"Victoria,
I'm sorry your plan has failed, but you have
eyes. You saw those Discos
closing last spring. You knew what that
meant."
"How was I supposed to know the business
would fall off so quickly? I busted my ass for
you. Now it's your turn to step up and
help me."
"Help you do what? If you hadn't pulled
the plug on the business with your damn Dance
Curse fatalism, you wouldn't be in this
fix. The program slipped the moment you
lost interest after the dance accidents.
Over the past four Fridays since you
stopped hosting Camelot, the Pistachio
Club has become a ghost town.
Take some responsibility for the damage you have
caused."
"Those accidents were not my fault.
You say you didn't do anything wrong, but I
don't know what to think."
"It doesn't matter
whose fault it was. More important was your choice
to ditch Annabelle's, Pistachio,
and your decision to quit private lessons with
Glen. You can't have it both ways.
You can't abandon the dance program and expect it
to come roaring back to life. The combination of Urban Cowboy plus your
untimely loss
of enthusiasm has crippled the program. People are beginning to
accept the inevitability that Western will wipe
Disco off the face of the planet. I imagine
October could very well be the final month for
my job. If not October, surely November. I am positive Disco will be gone
here in Houston
after December. I imagine a lot of people
are going to find a new cowboy hat under the Christmas tree."
"Why is
Disco dying here but nowhere else?"
"I wish I knew
the answer to that."
"If Disco
dies, what keeps you from getting a
legitimate job and quit wasting your college
degree? You could support me that
way."
Shades of my
ex-girlfriend Patricia. She used to say the same
thing.
"Oh
my god, Victoria, has it come to that? Why should I
quit my job for you? I have a better idea.
Why don't you get your own job!? You have a college
degree. Why don't you go back to teaching
elementary school? That plus child support
plus keeping your house would solve your problem
nicely. There are plenty of single mothers
who make a go of it. I am sure you would
do just fine."
"I don't want to teach kids again. I
love teaching dance. I have spent the
entire year building this program just so I
can be a dance teacher."
"Maybe so, but that's not what you said three
months ago when I offered to make you a partner.
Right now the timing for you to depend on the
program for a full-time job could not be worse.
Growing any renewed Disco business is completely out of the question.
But what about Country? Maybe there is
some potential there. Tell you what,
I'll buy you some boots! Make it an early
Christmas present."
"Go to
hell. Country music disgusts me. I am a city
girl, remember? Country won't cut it."
"Well, in that case, you are out of
luck. You are expecting me to support you
at the same time as I am wondering how I will support myself. How many times do
I have to tell you there isn't enough money for
both of us? Look, Victoria, you have to stop ignoring
the the writing on the wall. The Dance
Curse has done untold damage to our relationship and to the
business. And yet you stubbornly refuse to
acknowledge saving your marriage is your best option. Your dancing dreams have
hit a dead end. Disco won't cut it.
Disco is dead. Either go back to teaching
school or make your marriage work. In the meantime, leave me
out of it. I am sick and tired of going
round and round over the same things."
Victoria knew she
was trapped. Let me add that the look on her face suggested she wanted to strangle
me. The woman had just spent an entire year
building up the Disco business in case she wanted
to jump ship. Now at the exact moment she
needed her emergency exit, her Dance
World had collapsed before her horrified eyes.
The looming threat of Urban Cowboy
was the main reason, but the three dance accidents
had dramatically accelerated the demise of the program.
Victoria's
Superstition had affected the business and she knew it. She was
furious because her Karate Chop had ripped a giant
hole in her golden parachute. As victim
of circumstances beyond her control, Victoria's
options were limited. Frustrated, she exploded
bitterly.
"Goddamn
it, Rick, you got me into this!!
Like a fool, I risked my marriage for you. You kept begging me to leave my husband, but
you had no realistic way to take care of me. Now the
moment I come to you, you tell me
it's too late, there's nothing you can do
except buy me cowboy boots. Just
like my father predicted. Well,
thanks a lot! You really set me up!"
Aghast at the strength of her
explosion, I deeply resented her finger
pointing. I could
not believe Victoria had the nerve to blame me for
tempting her to leave her husband. This
was her idea, not mine.
Frustrated, I
lost my temper.
"I warned you
before Labor Day this wouldn't work,
but you didn't listen to a goddamn thing I
said!! Stop blaming me all the
time.
No one made you put your hand on top of mine and
say you loved me. That was your idea.
You signed an Affirmation saying you would honor
your marriage, but then you turned around and
started that European Relationship crap.
'Oh, Rickie
dearest, Michael doesn't want me anymore!
Michael has given me permission to explore a
relationship with you!' It was your decision to
kiss me in the car back in August.
In fact, this whole romance idea has been a
giant mistake
initiated by you. After you chased Patricia
out of my life, I gave you a fair chance to
figure out what you wanted from me, but you got
cold feet. Fine and dandy.
You had your chance, but it's gone, it's over. The events of the past three months have made it
clear we are not meant for each other."
Victoria gave me
a look that would kill. But at least she had calmed
down a bit.
"It really has come to this, hasn't it?
Three months ago my father told me you were
no good. You have proven every word he said was
absolutely true. You can't be trusted.
I have thrown away my marriage plus an
entire year of my life on a Playboy just
like my father warned me. I
just wish I had listened to my father. You
have deceived me."
"What are you talking about, Victoria? I
am sitting here talking to you and listening to
your neverending bullshit. Is that how a
Playboy operates? You claim to be the
expert, so tell me exactly what makes me a
Playboy?"
"My father knew what he was talking about.
My father never even met you, but he saw
right through you. He said you did not
love me. That is obviously true or you
would have found a way to make this work.
My father said dancing is a fad and that
Disco would be gone tomorrow. He had
that pegged right too. He said you
would never marry me. I'm sure Dad was
right about that too. He concluded I
was being used by a Playboy. That is
readily apparent. I
forgot to add that Dad later said you would
dump me the moment it was convenient for
you. After all, that's what all
gigolos do. They use you up and throw
you away. I'm sure that's coming next.
Maybe even today. Did you come here to
ask me to leave the studio?"
I winced.
That was exactly what I intended to do if I saw an opening.
Otherwise I would wait for Thursday. Embarrassed, I
decided to fib. "No,
Victoria, that is wrong. I am not here to ask you to leave the studio."
"You couldn't make me leave
even if you wanted
to. This program is more mine than it
is yours and everyone knows it. You
owe me and you know it. You have
exploited my time, my talent and energy for
over a year now. You have never once
offered to compensate me for the untold
hours I put into building this program.
You didn't know a damn thing about running a
dance studio before I came along and now you
sit there acting all noble because you are kind
enough to let me hang around. Now that
I need you to help me financially, you are
gone just my father predicted. Oh, my
God, you disgust me."
"Knock it off, Victoria. Why are you
suddenly so helpless? Quit asking me to
support you and try supporting yourself instead.
You're no stranger to work. Try using your
talent again. If you want more money, you have
an open invitation to use the mailing list and
the phone to drum up private lessons and build
new classes just like you used to."
"You are so full of shit. Disco is
dead. Everyone knows that.
You're talking about beating a dead horse."
"Well, don't blame me. I can't stop the
Discos from closing. Like I said, I'll buy
you some cowboy boots."
"Oh, go
fuck yourself. You said you have
broken no promises, but you promised me long
ago you would take care of me if I left
Michael. I haven't seen you deliver on
that promise. That proves that you are
a liar. Like my father said, you are
no better than a playboy. Promises,
promises."
"There you go again
with your convenient memory. I never promised you
anything of the sort. July is July and
September is September. Yes, I painted a
rosy picture back in July. Back in July
I had no way of anticipating the business would
drop so fast. But things have changed.
You need to quit holding me to an offer that
went up in smoke long ago."
"I am in love with you. I want to
pursue a relationship with you. I have
risked everything for you. Can't you
see that? Why are you being so cold to me?"
I
took a deep breath. I had never
faced an onslaught of guilt quite like this. Now we
were
back to 'Love' again. This was a
very complicated argument. One minute
we were having a lover's quarrel. The next
minute it became a business quarrel. Back and
forth. Victoria was wrong to use the word
'Love'. I never loved Victoria.
Fond, yes. Horny, yes. Grateful,
yes. But Love, no. After the way I
had been treated by Vanessa and Patricia in the
past, trust
in women did not come easily. Victoria was far
too emotionally unstable to 'trust'.
If she could betray Michael, she could just as
easily betray me. I guarded my heart
around Victoria like Fort Knox. For this
exact reason, I never said I loved her and I
never promised to marry her. As
for the Playboy accusation, that was unfair too.
Yes, I was willing
to explore a relationship back in July when
Victoria promised Michael had relinquished his
claim. But while she was evaluating
me, I was evaluating her. The ensuing
three months made it clear that Victoria was far
too unstable to consider making a commitment. Maybe in her eyes I
was a Playboy, but from my standpoint I had given
Victoria a fair chance. The turning point
was her Husband List, the greatest insult I ever received. It was her own
fault for ruining any possible romantic
relationship.
"Victoria, I have a suggestion. You
believe in your father's advice. So why
don't you take Stephanie and go visit your
father? See what he recommends. Talk
it over, clear your head,
make some decisions. Right now you are in
no condition to make a serious move."
"I am not a child. I don't need
to run to Daddy just because you are
treating me badly. I want to move in
with you and pursue a relationship."
I was full of
despair. Talking to Victoria was like talking to a
brick wall. With every word, Victoria took another
step towards her iceberg. I had come here to drop the axe and
tell her it was over. But now that I had
seen how badly she had deteriorated, if I told her it was over, I
feared Victoria would fly off the handle
and do something terrible to hurt the dance
studio as revenge.
Considering how desperate she was, I had to be
careful. For
that reason alone, I treated her with kid gloves
as best I could.
"Victoria, I do care
about you. And I want to be your friend. But I am
also convinced a romantic relationship is
not in your best interest or mine."
"Richard
Archer,
you are so
blind. You can't even see I've been in love with
you since the moment we met. I remember how drawn
I was to you when I first took your class at the Jewish
Community Center in 1978. I wanted so much to
talk to you, but I didn't trust myself. I was
afraid I would stutter and make a fool of myself.
I have devoted myself to you for an entire year.
Now that I have finally made up my mind that you are the
one, I cannot
believe you are turning your back on me."
Here again I did
not trust her. Fearful this woman would say anything
just to keep me on the hook, I kept
shaking my head 'no, no, no'. If I ever
possessed any romantic feelings for Victoria, they were
long gone. I refused to be guilt-tripped into honoring
a romance that fizzled out before it ever started.
With that, I nodded to myself.
It was time to cut the crap on this romance talk. I
swallowed hard. Forget about Thursday. Now.
Today. Once and for all. Let's do it.
"Victoria, it
seems to me you are preparing to swap one
husband for another.
There is a concept known as 'courtship' that allows
people to get to know each other better before making a
final commitment. Your concept of courtship and mine
do not run parallel. You ask too much. Three months of bickering
plus these dance accidents have made me see a romance between
you and I will never work."
"Don't say
that!! You owe it to me to at least try and see if
a relationship would work."
I was angry and
shaking inside. Enough is enough! To heck with
appeasement. It was time to tell Victoria what I really thought.
"Victoria,
I want you to please stop this talk about moving in with me.
You
cannot force me into a relationship against my will.
Based on the guilt I feel about harming your marriage, I
refuse to take another step. I come
from a broken home where my parents argued every night and I
cried myself to sleep.
I refuse to be a part of any situation that
harms your daughter in a similar way. For that reason, it is time I stop interfering in your marriage. If you want my advice, you
should leave the studio and tell Michael you
want to rebuild your marriage. Whatever
you decide, I am not an option. I'm sorry, but the
party's over."
