MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX:

DOORSTEP NIGHT

Written by Rick Archer 

MONDAY NIGHT, OCTOBER 1, 1979 PHONE CALL AT THE DANCE STUDIO

It was October 1.  An important day.  A Fateful Day.  It had been exactly one month since I met Jennifer.  Fearful of losing her, earlier this morning I handed Victoria my 'Ultimatum'.  I had not meant to tell Victoria about Jennifer.  However, when she guessed correctly, I went ahead and confirmed the existence of 'Madame X'.

To my vexation, there was still no message from Jennifer when I returned home at 1 pm.  I almost picked up the phone to call her at work, but hesitated.  For one thing, I believed that calling would reveal how fearful I was.  As they say, "Desperation is not sexy."  In addition, I preferred not to get into anything serious while she was at work.  Our next talk could very well be the most serious conversation of my life, so it needed to be done face to face.

So I waited for Jennifer to call.  No call.  I half-expected Victoria might call.  Recalling her look of devastation upon parting, I wanted to bring Victoria down easy if she was planning to jump off a bridge.  However, I did not hear from anyone, so at 6:30 pm I went to the studio to register my Monday students for the new October dance semester.  $25 purchased 8 one-hour classes spread out over two months.  Tonight's 7 pm Beginner class would conclude at the end of November.  As expected, the class was small, 8 students.  For lack of anything better to do, I taught the class anyway.  However, with so few new students, this was yet another signal that Disco had taken a step closer to the edge of the cliff.  As if I wasn't worried enough already.

At least it was good to see my Disco All-star class again at 8 pm.  I did not need to collect money from them.  This class was on a September-October cycle, so October was already paid for.  Now that the Clear Lake Seven had moved on, this Acrobatics class of 25 students was all I had left to remind me of the glory days.  Most of these students had been with me throughout the year.  They knew full well that Disco was on its death bed, so why did they continue?   Two reasons.  For one thing, this group loved Disco just as much as I did.  Furthermore, Monday Night was their chance to see their friends.  Over the past year these students had danced together countless times.  When the Monday class concluded, they made it a habit to go dancing afterwards as a group.  And of course there was Friday nights at the Pistachio Club.  Over time these students had become a very tight-knit group.  They also had an odd sense of humor.  Considering themselves to be the Disco equivalent of the doomed Spartan 300 at Thermopylae, they called themselves the 'Die Hards'. 

Although I was happy to see my group of friends, I was very distracted by my personal trauma.  I could barely wait for my class to end at 9 pm.  I wanted to drive to Jennifer's apartment and tell her the good news about today's meeting with Victoria.  Accordingly my eyes followed every tick of the clock.  I was in the middle of teaching a pattern to my class when the door opened at 8:45.  A lady named Kimberly poked her nose through the door and said there was a woman on the studio telephone who wanted to speak to me.  Kimberly, a volunteer in a class taught by my boss Lance Stevens, added that the woman said it was important.  When asked, Kimberly did not know who it was.  

I assumed it was Jennifer and raced to the phone.  I told my class to practice on their own and went to take the call.  To my surprise, it was Victoria. 

"Rick, I want to talk to you."

"Fine, but not now.  I'm in the middle of class.  Let's do it in the morning.  I'm exhausted."

Enough talk for one day!  In 15 minutes I intended to drive to Jennifer's apartment and find out what she had decided to do about Jeff.  

"No, Rick, that's not good enough.  What I have to say is too important to wait."

"In that case, I will call you back after class." 

"No, not over the phone.  This is too important.  I want to speak to you in person.  I need to get something out in the open that I have never told you before.  Don't worry, it isn't terrible.  No more threats.  I just need to talk to you.  Come on, Rick, be my friend like old times.  You owe me that much."

I hesitated, but the warmth in her voice suggested a chance to wrap things up on a good note.  "Okay, Victoria, if you leave now, I will wait and we can speak here at the studio.  Or we can talk in your car."

"No.  I want to meet at your house."

What?  No way!  Not at my house!  Sick to my stomach with fear, I said, "Victoria, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"You had a lot to say this morning.  I want to talk in private and you owe me this request.  This is important.  This is about my future.  This is about my marriage.  This is about you and me.  I need closure before I can move on."

Victoria was right; I owed her that much.  Okay.  No matter how much I dreaded this meeting, I could not turn my back on her.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 1 "GO TO VICTORIA, SHE NEEDS YOU"

When class ended, I called Jennifer from the studio.  Jennifer was cordial, but not warm.  Undeterred by the tepid reception, I told her about the morning confrontation.  Then I explained Victoria's request for a late-night meeting.  I expected Jennifer would be happy that I had confronted Victoria, but to my surprise, she said nothing.  Stunned by her silence, I was more than slightly miffed.  I was also greatly mystified.  This was a time for communication, not the silent treatment.  Before I dealt with Victoria, I needed to know where Jennifer stood.  Feeling impatient, I asked Jennifer about her weekend developments with Jeff. 

Jennifer replied, "This is not the time."

I was incredulous.   At a moment like this, what kind of an answer is that?  Surely Jennifer understood our relationship was hanging in the balance.  I had been in agony all weekend long wondering what her decision would be and that's the best she can do?  I had no way of reading the woman's mind, but frankly, Jennifer's non-committal answer left me floundering.  So I asked her again.  "Jennifer, I have waited three days to know what you and Jeff have decided.  I have a right to know."

In a soft voice, Jennifer replied, "Not now.  Go to Victoria.  She needs you." 

And with that, Jennifer gently hung up the phone.  Staring at the phone in disbelief, I was aghast.  After the tumultuous series of recent events... the news of Jennifer's engagement, her sudden decision to drive to Dallas, this morning's epic Madame X confrontation... I would assume Jennifer would speak up.  Instead she left me hanging.  The world began swirling around me and I felt dizzy.  Good grief, in the morning I had risked losing my studio for her.  Given that Jennifer could not be bothered to give me a straight answer to an important question, I was very angry.  What the hell was wrong with her?

As I drove home, I repeated Jennifer's words over and over. "Go to Victoria, she needs you!"  What in the world was that supposed to mean?  Was Jennifer out of her mind?  I asked myself why Jennifer would defer to Victoria.  This was hardly the time to speak in riddles.  I needed straight talk.  I needed to know what was going on with her! 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 1, 9:40 pm DOORSTEP NIGHT

Sitting alone in my living room, I was very upset.  Plain and simple, Jennifer had given me the cold shoulder and pushed me away.  In my mind, there seemed to be only one explanation that made any sense... Jennifer had chosen to reunite with Jeff.  I could not know that for sure, but her reluctance to speak candidly reinforced my worst fear that her engagement was on again. 

Although I was convinced Jennifer loved me more than Jeff, I concluded Victoria's presence posed too great a risk for drama-averse Jennifer.  I believed she had opted for the safer choice.  No other explanation made sense.  Right now my paranoia was unbearable.  I was terrified that Jennifer had set a date.  Let me add something.  Fear does strange things to a person's mind.  It isn't easy making tough decisions when you are betting with scared money.  And right now I was scared out of my wits. 

At 9:40 pm, I heard a knock on my front door.  I idly wondered how many name tags I should prepare.  Which Victoria would it be?  Sunshine Victoria?  Vindictive Victoria?  Black Magic Woman?  Medusa?  Helpless Sniveling Whining Woman?  Snarling Tiger Woman? 

With a heavy heart, I opened the door.  It was Helpless Sniveling Whining Woman.  Victoria was on my doorstep sobbing violently.

Just then I noticed she had a suitcase.  Oh my God!  I froze with a terrible sickening feeling.  Does that suitcase mean what I think it means??  This was beyond catastrophic.  This was my worst nightmare come true.

Victoria stood there looking pathetic.  "Rick, can I come in?  Please?"

I gulped.  Oh shit.  This was not good.  This was not good at all.  My inner voice screamed not to let Victoria through that door.  I tried to inflate my body to twice its size just so the emaciated Victoria could not dart past me.  I was ready to trip her if necessary.  No matter what she said, I had to keep her on the porch.  If she entered my house, I feared I would never get rid of her.

Blocking the door, I said, "Are you out of your mind, Victoria!?!  What are you doing with that suitcase?"

"You have long made it clear that if I was free, you would pursue a relationship with me.  You repeated that claim this morning.  You said if I was willing to become your life partner, you would give up any other sexual, romantic relationships and try to make it work with me.  Those were your words!  Well, Rick, I am holding you to that promise.  I have left my husband.  That is how much you mean to me.  Michael knows I am here.  I have told Michael I am leaving him."

Victoria paused to look me in the eye.  "Are you good for your word or aren't you?"

Consumed with panic, I wanted to scream at Victoria to take her suitcase and return home immediately.  But did I dare?  Did I have the guts to tell Victoria the deal was off with her standing on my doorstep?  Yes, I did have the guts!  There was no way in hell I would trade Jennifer for this nutcase, so I refused to let Victoria enter.  Prepared to stand in the doorway all night if necessary, I tried to reason with her. 

"Victoria, this is a very dangerous thing you are doing.  You are throwing away your marriage.  Are you absolutely sure about this is what you want to do?"

Victoria nodded.  "Yes, I am.  Three months ago you lost your temper when my father called you a Playboy.  You claimed you were a stand-up guy.  At the coffee shop this morning you said if I was willing to become your life partner, you would open your arms.  So who is right, you or my father?"

Unbelievable.  Stunned to hear Victoria trap me by my own words, I said nothing. 

"Okay, Rick, what's it gonna be?  Are you going to invite me in?  Or have you forgotten what you said this morning?"

 I stammered, "Uh, Victoria, I'm sorry, remind me what I said this morning."

Victoria smiled.  Gotcha.  "Interesting that you should ask.  I took the liberty of writing it down in my car this morning."

Victoria reached in her pocketbook and pulled out my parting words.  She proceeded to read them to me.

"Victoria, the moment you decide you are definitely willing to become my life partner... and convince me that my goals are goals which you can willingly embrace... that is when I will give up any other sexual, romantic relationships I now have.  I will give 100% to making OUR relationship work.  No one else.  Just you and I, doing the best we can to share our lives together."

I turned white.  Oh my God, yes, those were my words!  That is what I had said.  BUT I DIDN'T MEAN IT!  I was only trying to make her feel better now that she knew "Madame X" was my main focus.  Panic-stricken, I replied, "Victoria, this is a move you will long regret.  You have not thought this through clearly."  Pointing to my porch chairs, I said, "Let's sit out here and talk." 

Victoria shook her head and refused to budge.  This time she pulled out her copy of the Ultimatum and read it back to me. 

'Victoria makes up her mind today.  She is welcome to consult everyone she knows.  She either leaves her home AND moves in with me OR I want her to leave my life till circumstances permit a return.'

After a pause to let the words sink in, Victoria continued.

"Rick, your note says 'move in with me'.  Well, here I am.  I don't want to talk about this on the porch.  I am cold and I am miserable.  I want to go inside."

I gasped and my eyes widened in horror.  A sense of vertigo made me feel dizzy.   No way!!  Victoria was spawn of the Devil!!  This brilliant maneuver proved it.  I felt helpless before her dark powers.  Yes, I wrote those words, but I did NOT mean them!   Yes, of course I had known I was taking a gamble writing those words, but I had been positive there was no possible way she would ever agree to leave her home.  By demanding she make up her mind on the spot, I fully expected her to hem and haw like she always did.  Victoria would never leave her marriage, her home, her daughter, and her much-cherished security to move into a broken-down house that disgusted her.  Furthermore, why would any woman choose to leave her husband for a man on the verge of losing his job? 

No woman in her right mind would buckle in to my unreasonable demand! 

But here she was.  Victoria was not only insisting I let her in, she was using my own words as her invitation.  I was incredulous at this sudden turn of events.  Victoria had used my Ultimatum and my flowery Parting Words as psychological jujitsu to insinuate her way through my door.  I could not believe it.  Without really thinking my words through, I had handed Victoria a 'Get Through my Door Free Card'.  It had to be the Fear.  The Fear of losing Jennifer had clouded my judgment.  I had gambled with scared money and look what happened.  What Victoria wants, Victoria gets.  The odds had been overwhelmingly in my favor, but the dice came up Snake Eyes.  Or should I say Medusa Eyes?  I was snake-bitten indeed.  Or cursed. 

I did not love this woman, but she had me trapped.  What about Jennifer?  If I let Victoria in my house under these circumstances, I could very well lose Jennifer forever.  I could not bear that.  As I stared at Victoria, my gut screamed not to let her come in.  Unfortunately, my conscience said otherwise.  Those were my words on that sheet of paper.   Those words formed a binding Contract.  If I turned her away, I would dishonor myself.  Even worse, if I turned Victoria away, she would use my own words to ruin my life in her upcoming poison pen letter.  I did not have much choice, did I?

They say your life flashes before you as you are dying.  Something similar was taking place now.  All these thoughts were racing through my mind at incredible speed.  Every thought ended with the same conclusion.  There is no way out of this.  I suppose it was the look on Victoria's face that canceled out any remaining resistance.  This was a very desperate woman.  Weeping and ashen-faced, Victoria looked like she was on the verge of collapse.  Although I was scared for me, I was even more scared for her.  In the shape Victoria was in, she was a car wreck waiting to happen or a visit to the nearest bridge.  Was this an act?  Perhaps, but if it was an act, it was a very convincing one.  Considering how forlorn Victoria looked, I wasn't ready to take any chances.  I did not want to consider what Victoria would do if I sent her away.  Well aware this was not the time to play tough, I reluctantly stepped aside. 

Sobbing, Victoria staggered in.  The moment her suitcase crossed the threshold, I wanted to vomit.  In no way, shape, or form did I want this woman in my house.  I had never felt so violated in all my life.  But the worst part was knowing my own words were responsible.  How could I have ever been so stupid?  I cannot begin to express how much I hated myself for making such a colossal mistake. 

IN MY LIVING ROOM

Victoria chose the couch.  I watched in horror as my dogs Emily and Sissy jumped up to befriend the crying woman.  Traitors!  I winced as they offered aid and comfort to the enemy.  Sure enough, flanked by a welcoming dog on both sides, Victoria seemed grateful as she petted them.  Good grief, my stupid dogs were making Victoria feel right at home.  Bite her, damn it!  Make her leave!

The irony was sheer murder.  This was the same couch where I had made love to Jennifer for the first time one month ago.  I was in a state of shock over this swift turn of events.  Maybe I would have been better off never meeting Jennifer.  Falling in love with Jennifer had made me vulnerable.  And stupid too.  Were it not for her rash decision to go see Jeff, I would have never abandoned my sensible Appeasement Strategy.  It was Jennifer's fault that I was betting with scared money in the first place.  Under any other circumstance, I would have never written that Ultimatum, I would have never opened the door.  I shook my head in disgust.  How could I have made this mistake?

I had to hand it to Victoria.  Coming to my house was a master stroke.  I still could not believe Victoria had used my own words against me to gain entry.  But it was too late to take those words back.  Staring at the suitcase over in the corner, I was certain that Victoria had just thrown her marriage away.  A crazy mistake, but the damage was done.  If Victoria was hell-bent on going through with this self-destructive act, I had no choice but go along with her.  A vision of us jumping off the cliff together crossed my mind.  Right now I needed to calm down.  I had a hunch I was facing the most difficult decision of my entire life. 

With a deep sigh, I said, "This has been a long day for you.  Why don't you rest a moment, Victoria?  Would you like a coke?"

Victoria smiled wanly and nodded yes.  Leaving to fetch a coca-cola for her and a beer for me, I took my sweet time and used it to contemplate the fix I was in.  It wasn't supposed to happen this way.  In the movie Casablanca, Rick Blaine's noble gesture convinced Ilsa to do the right thing and return to her husband Lazlo.  So why didn't it work for me?  I knew the answer.  Jennifer.  Her Bombshell announcement plus her unwillingness to keep me informed off the latest developments had caused this.  Now I was forced to decipher her famous last words:  "Go to Victoria, she needs you."

I knew I was taking a risk when I wrote that Ultimatum, but it was a Calculated Risk.  For the past three months, Victoria whistled Dixie whenever she talked about moving in with me.  Not once had she shown the slightest inclination to actually budge from her sanctuary. 

Since I strongly doubted she was serious, I assumed I could use my dangerous 'Move-In' invitation with impunity.  Writing this Ultimatum had seemed like the best chance to save my relationship with Jennifer while placating Victoria enough to persuade her not to go Scorched Earth.  I had known I was using words that could potentially backfire, but it was worth the low-probability risk.  Not once did I actually believe she would accept the offer. 

The sad thing is that my Ultimatum had come within a whisker of succeeding!!  Victoria had been on the ropes this morning.  Beleaguered and forlorn, I was certain she was a goner.  It was my own fault that I gave her a ray of hope with my parting gesture.

"Victoria, the moment you decide you are willing to become my life partner... and convince me that my goals are goals which you can willingly embrace... that is when I will give up any other sexual, romantic relationships I now have.  I will give 100% to making OUR relationship work.  No one else.  Just you and I, doing the best we can to share our lives together."

What on earth had caused me to say that?  I was so sure Medusa was dead that I had unwittingly given her a binding promise.  How could I have ever guessed a security-advocate like Victoria would take the greatest chance of her life?  Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate Victoria would leave her stronghold!   So I just had to open my big mouth.  What a fool I was.  Now what?  Let's see if I can limit the damage.  Victoria could not seem to stop crying.  Just then Emily, my border collie, stuck her wet nose into Victoria's hand to cheer her up.  The gesture had the opposite effect.  Victoria completely fell apart.  Her tears flowed fast and furious.  No, this was not an act.  Victoria was in a lot of pain.  From my chair, I watched in horror.  I was consumed with anger and frustration towards Jennifer for getting me into this mess.  I would NEVER have confronted Victoria if Jennifer had not run to Jeff.  And why had she failed to give me clear direction on the phone tonight?  What the hell was wrong with Jennifer? 

Too late now.  Or was it?  Victoria had gotten past my first line of defense, but all was not lost.  Maybe I could still talk some sense into her.  When Victoria finally quieted down, I spoke up.  "Why are you here?  What do you want?"

"I have obsessed over Madame X all day long.  The more I thought about Madame X, the more I realized I cannot bear to lose you.  I have juggled you and Michael as long as I could while I looked for the right direction.  But the prospect of losing you to Madame X was too painful to bear.  Something in your eyes this morning told me you are very serious about this woman.  That is when I realized tonight was my last chance to hold on to you."

She saw it in my eyes, eh?  Remind me to wear sunglasses next time.  Unfortunately, Victoria was right.  The threat of Jennifer was just as serious as Victoria believed.  Victoria must have read my mind because now she said something curious.

"I know you have feelings for this woman, but you belonged to me first.  I would not be able to live with myself knowing I gave up the best chance of ever finding my soul mate."

So now I'm her soul mate?  Why am I just now hearing this?  Victoria looked me in the eye and reiterated Michael knew she was moving in with me.  She swore that Michael had not tried to stop her.  With an air of resignation, he had simply said, "If that's what you want, go for it."

"Rick, you have always said that you would never have an affair with me.  I get that.  But you also said that if I officially separated from my husband, I could move in with you.  So here I am.  Michael knows I'm here.  We have officially separated

I was incredulous.  According to Victoria, Michael had given his blessings.  This was far more serious than I thought.  But was Victoria telling the truth??  My gut said yes.  No doubt Michael saw her walk out the door with a suitcase at 9 pm.  As dramatic gestures go, that was unmistakable.  Victoria added Michael had seemed relieved.  Michael had been going through misery for a year.  I suppose he wanted this to end just as much as I did.  Now that Victoria was my problem, he may have actually felt a sense of relief.

FORCED TO CHOOSE

Victoria or Jennifer??   Who should it be? 

Ordinarily I would have said Jennifer.  Of course it was Jennifer.  But right now I had a strong hunch Jennifer had abandoned me.

I was stunned by the courage of Victoria's daring move.  Was it actually possible that Victoria loved me as much as she claimed?  My cynical side said she was playing me for a fool with her love game.  Victoria had kept me on a yo-yo so long I did not know what to believe. 

This sad, miserable creature sitting across from me was the most desperate woman I had ever seen.  Well aware that this was no act, I felt considerable pity.  This was her Leap of Faith.  Considering all Victoria stood to lose, I was stunned by her grand gesture.  This was a woman who had no idea if I would be there to catch her, but she jumped anyway. 

I was amazed.  Absolutely, utterly amazed.  Maybe even flattered.  I never dreamed Victoria would go through with this.   Although I could not comprehend what had caused this act of madness, I was blown away by the fact that Victoria had sacrificed her marriage to come here tonight.  Her husband was completely aware of her decision.  Or so she said.  Victoria had played tricks before, so I was reluctant to let down my guard.  I did not love Victoria.  But I had been very fond of her during her Sunshine days.  Was it possible I could ever love her given all the chaos she had caused?

Neither of us said much for a while.  Victoria was in shock.  Me too.  I was mired in mind-numbing disbelief over this bizarre turn of events.  In a very odd way, this situation reminded me of the Arabic parable that suggested "what is not meant for me will not reach me even if it is between two lips." 

When a bedraggled Victoria left the coffee shop this morning, I was certain I was free.  I had tasted Jennifer 'between two lips'.  But not now.  Mere moments before a visit to my dream girl's apartment, Victoria had reached out to catch me by the ankle.  Full of regret, I was overcome by a powerful sense of Fatalism.  Doorstep Night was a Fated Event.  It had to be.

I had been incredibly stupid to answer Victoria's phone call at the studio.  All I had to do was say, "Take a number".  Answering the phone had to be the dumbest mistake I had ever made.  But maybe it wasn't too late.  If I believed Jennifer loved me, I would stand up to Victoria.  As Victoria sat there too paralyzed for words, I wanted to call Jennifer so much my heart ached.  However to call Jennifer would probably cause Victoria to go berserk.  And so I remained completely in the dark.  "Between two lips..."  My freedom had been seconds away, but, no, Rick just had to answer the phone because he thought Jennifer was reaching out. 

Oh my god, what is wrong with me?  Given Victoria's penchant for unpredictability, I should have known better.  Had I simply driven to Jennifer's apartment like I planned, this drama would have never unfolded.  Ignore the call and I would be in Jennifer's arms right now.  While Victoria continued to sob over on the couch, I beat myself up pretty badly over this.  I could forgive myself for handing Victoria the Ultimatum note this morning.  That was a calculated risk I had taken to minimize the chance of a reappearance from the Snarling Tiger Woman.  However, the decision to accept the phone call was an unforgiveable mistake.  Even dumber was agreeing to see Victoria at my home.  What a stupid time to be noble!!  Whatever Victoria had to say should have been put off till the light of day.  

Just then Victoria showed signs of life.  Between sniffles and sobs, Victoria attempted to speak. 

"You had me convinced that you were leaving me for good when you told me about Madame X at the coffee shop.  I could not bear the thought of losing you.  I knew you would be going to that other woman tonight.  I was not willing to spend the rest of my life wondering about you, the man I had in my grasp but allowed to get away."

With that, Victoria's emotions overwhelmed her.  Suddenly she was crying too hard to speak again.  As she sat on my couch sobbing, she clung furiously to Emily.  Meanwhile I stared at that goddamn suitcase.  I was stunned by thought that Victoria felt she had the right to move in with me.  I did not want to live with her.  For that matter I did not want her anywhere near me.  The thought made me sick. 

But I was trapped.  By my own words, no less.  What should I do?  Which woman should I pick?

Victoria continued to sit there helplessly while she stroked Emily for comfort.  Through her silence, she indicated it was up to me to decide her fate.  That impressed me.  By throwing herself at my mercy, for once Victoria had relinquished control.  This gesture worked strongly in her favor.  Any attempt to further bully me would have doomed her chances.  Instead she gambled that I was as decent as I claimed to be.  And so I opened up an inner dialogue.  I did not want Victoria here, except to my surprise one corner of my mind was persuaded to let her stay.  I was suddenly unsure of myself.  What the hell is wrong with me!!?!!?  Most of my heart was screaming like mad to kick this woman out and run to Jennifer.  However, there was a small part that wanted to reward Victoria's brave Leap of Faith.  My biggest objection to Victoria had always been my desire for her to put ME first instead of Michael.  Unless she had me badly fooled, that is what Victoria had done by coming here tonight.

A new thought was gaining momentum.  Which Victoria was sitting across from me?  Was it Sunshine Victoria, the gifted woman who had skyrocketed my career and served as the object of countless forbidden thoughts?  Or was it Medusa, the monster who had made my Year of Living Dangerously a prolonged nightmare?  And which Jennifer was I dealing with, the Rock or the Jellyfish?  Jennifer's cowardly decision to visit the previously undisclosed fiancé this past weekend had muddied the waters considerably.  Furthermore, Jennifer's refusal to share the outcome of her weekend left me totally in the dark.  Is it possible for her Sound of Silence to speak volumes?

There was one overriding factor to consider... the Blackmail Threat.  Having let Victoria through the door, I had virtually guaranteed Victoria would ruin my dance career if I chose Jennifer over her.  To push her out the door now would undoubtedly trigger the poison pen letter.  It was in Victoria's nature to be vindictive.  I knew this with certainty.  After all, the woman had just ruined her marriage.  For me to reject her and go back on my word would be sufficient reason to drop the bomb. 

Furthermore, if I pushed Victoria out the door, I might get nothing in return.  Tomorrow I might very well find out that Jennifer was serious about her old boyfriend.  To me, it was crystal clear that if I spurned Victoria, I very well could find myself with no Jennifer, no Victoria, no reputation, no career.  That thought led to my first decision.  Well aware I would lose the studio if Victoria punished me over broken promises, I felt obligated to let her stay.  To me, that was the only way I could protect the dance program.  This was a business decision.  Now I had to make a romantic decision.

I did not love Victoria.  Unwilling to trust her, for months now I had kept my heart locked as tight as possible.  Even after her grandstand gesture of knocking on my door, I remained deeply cynical.  But maybe I was wrong.  Was there any chance Sunshine Victoria could return?  If Victoria could resume being a decent human being, there was no other woman on earth who possessed her special kind of talent.  Nevertheless, I shook my head in doubt.  Sunshine Victoria was long gone.  Ever since Victoria blew up at Joanne at the Pistachio Christmas Party nine months ago, I knew there was something deeply wrong with her.  In the many days since, I saw no reason to change my mind. 

Under ordinary circumstances, I would have never chosen Victoria, not with 'DANGER' written all over her.  If I chose her, I assumed I would be putting my fate into the unpredictable hands of Maniac Medusa.   Even scarier, would I be stuck with the sad, sniveling, whining shadow of Victoria's former self?  As I sorted through the woman's handful of schizophrenic identities, which of Victoria's many sides would I get in the bargain?  Probably all of them except Sunshine. 

Jennifer was by far the safer choice.  Or was she?  At the moment I realized I didn't trust Jennifer any more than I did Victoria. 

Jennifer had not called Friday evening.
Jennifer had not called on Saturday.
Jennifer had not called on Sunday.
Jennifer had not called on Monday. 
When I called Jennifer from the studio, she had refused to tell me where I stood over the phone.
Instead Jennifer told me to go to Victoria.  

"Go to Victoria."  Jennifer had been specific.  Were those the words I expected to hear from a woman who wanted to keep me?  No.  Those were the words of a woman who had given up on me.  Suddenly I felt very cold.  Jennifer had to know I was worried out of my mind.  So why hadn't she called to reassure me?  Jennifer's communication blackout was the dominant thought in my mind.  Her evasiveness was a definite signal of her intention to marry Jeff, her off-and-on fiance.  Perhaps they had set a wedding date.  Somehow I doubted it, but it was a real possibility.  I wished again I could call Jennifer, but it was out of the question.  It was driving me crazy that I had to choose without knowing where Jennifer stood.

Victoria was broken.  I mean it, this woman was broken in half.  Victoria had no strength left.  I stared long and hard at the lost soul sitting across from me.  Victoria was in shock.  As well she should be!  No woman in her right mind could cast away a decent man like Michael and not be affected.  Michael was the father of her child.  Michael was the man she had loved with all her heart in college and most of her marriage.  Now that her marriage was almost certainly over, she had no idea how I would treat her.  Realizing my love would be meaningless unless she gave me the space to make up my own mind, she had thrown herself at my mercy.  Considering I was dealing with Victoria's Whining, Sniveling, Indecisive personality, she was so weak, I think she would have left if I told her to.  Just then something odd happened.  To my surprise, Victoria rallied.  Sensing my difficulty deciding her Fate, Victoria correctly guessed she had an outside chance of changing my mind.  With a soft voice and weak smile, Victoria pled her case. 

"Rick, I want you to hear me out.  I am not here to talk about marriage.  I am too uncertain to go there right now.  I am talking about what could happen if best friends become lovers and allow things to develop.  I cannot live the rest of my life in peace without taking this chance.  I have to know what will happen if we open ourselves up to loving each other.  I know I have no right to expect you to love me after some of the things I've said and done.  However I believe we can grow past our distrust if we truly commit.  All I ask is that you recognize we have the chance to be very special together."

I looked at Victoria in surprise.  Her words touched me deeply.  This was Sunshine Victoria speaking.  This was the woman I had once come close to falling in love with.  Where had this sensitivity been hiding for all these months?  Say what you will about her dark side, but if Victoria could ever regain her warmth and confidence, she was quite a catch.  Was there some way she could regain her charisma and return to her Sunshine personality?  Was that even possible??  Or was she permanently damaged?  It occurred to me that I was actually curious to find out if Victoria and I could rekindle the spark which had burned so brightly back in in the beginning.  Could this work?  This was a possibility that should not be readily discarded.  Yes, right now Victoria was only a shell of her former self.  But if Sunshine Victoria could be resurrected, no woman on earth could match her.  However, that was a big 'If'.  Red flags abounded.

A key thought crossed my mind...'Courage'.  Both women were faced with losing me.  One woman had thrown away her marriage to pursue me while the other woman resurrected a stale retread she had previously rejected.  Under pressure, Victoria stepped up while Jennifer retreated to the shadows.  That point weighed heavily in Victoria's favor.  There was one more important factor, the one that ultimately made the difference.  It all boiled down to one word, 'Honor'.  Earlier today I had promised Victoria I would be there for her if she ever committed to me.  Was I good for my word?  Did I have honor?  Mind you, at the coffee shop this morning I was merely trying to help Victoria save face. 

"The moment you decide... to become my life partner... I will give up any other sexual, romantic relationships."

I did not mean what I said at the time.  Nevertheless, those were my words.  Now I found myself trapped by my own words.  Back in July, Victoria's father had savagely put me down.

"This man does not love you.  He will never marry you.  Disco will be gone tomorrow, Dancing is a fad, and you are being used by a Playboy."  

Victoria knew I bristled with resentment every time she repeated those words.  I had claimed many times that I was a loyal, standup guy.  Not only that, Victoria had my promise in writing.  Was I good for my word or not?  In that instant, I decided to stand by my word.  Jennifer was out of luck.  It would be wrong for me to send Victoria home.  It wasn't like I was promising to marry her.  I would simply let her spend the night and tomorrow would be another day.  My decision would no doubt cost me Jennifer, but maybe that is what my runaway lover wanted.  Jennifer had left me hanging.  She had no one to blame but herself.

I had known Victoria for a year.  Despite countless strong reasons to back off, Victoria had never stopped her inexorable quest to claim me.  Maybe it is true that Love does not have to make sense.  Knowing full well the heavy price Victoria would have to pay for leaving Michael, this woman had just taken the biggest gamble of her life.  That had to count for something.  I was impressed. 

After resisting Victoria for an entire year, through some sort of Cosmic Judo, tonight I had been compelled to open my door against my will.  At the start, all I could think about was Jennifer.  However, to my surprise, after I heard Victoria's speech, something flipped in my mind.  Jennifer had abandoned me to go visit her ex-fiancé.  That was impossible to overlook.  With Victoria in my living room and Jennifer nowhere to be seen, the choice was clear.  Victoria deserved her chance.  So, after all we had been through, I gave in. 

I still had a hard time trusting Victoria, but she had definitely touched me with her heartfelt speech.  And so, despite my terrible sense of foreboding, I went over to Victoria on the couch.  Pushing my dogs aside, I put my arm around Victoria and gave her a hug.  Victoria said nothing as she rested her head against my shoulder and resumed sobbing.  To be honest, having Victoria in my arms was no thrill.  I was tormented by a huge feeling of resignation.  I also felt manipulated.  Not just by Victoria, but by Jennifer as well.  Or maybe by Fate.  In fact, when it came right down to it, I definitely felt that something very weird was going on here.  How was this moment even possible?  After successfully resisting Victoria for over a year, she had gotten her way by using my insincerity against me.  I was still having a hard time believing the preposterous chain of events that had left me feeling cornered. 

After ten minutes on the couch, Victoria stopped weeping.  She stood up and gave me a look of resolve best described as 'I came here for a reason, so let's get this over with'.  She took my hand and led me silently to the bedroom.  Without discussion, Victoria took off her clothes and crawled into bed.  Seeing her look at me expectantly, I got the message. 

"Are you sure you want to do this, Victoria?"

Victoria nodded.  "Yes.  I want to do this before I change my mind."

"Michael knows you are here, correct?  He isn't off on some business trip, is he?"

Victoria replied, "Michael knows I'm here." 

I could tell she was very anxious.  Struck by her obvious lack of enthusiasm, I was very reluctant to participate.  So I quickly debated the issue.  Victoria swore she had left her husband for me.  Since she made it clear we were now living together, I assumed that having sex with her was inevitable.  This was going to happen sooner or later, so if Victoria wants to do this now, what difference does it make? 

I undressed and crawled into bed.  One minute earlier Victoria had been hell bent on betraying her marital vows.  However, as the crucial moment approached, her expression changed to fear.  Despite her obvious misgivings, Victoria told me to continue.  The moment her body went rigid at my touch, I knew this was a huge mistake on both our parts.  We should have quit right there, but she gritted her teeth and ordered me to complete the task.  What an ordeal.  Trust me, I've had more fun at funerals.  And so I participated in what had to be the most joyless sex I have ever engaged in.  Haunted by a distinctive feel of 'let's get this over with', three minutes is all it took.  As far as I was concerned, this life-altering moment was beyond pathetic. 

The moment we completed our tragic act, Victoria exploded into a torrent of tears.  When I heard her moan "I should never have done this", I lost my temper. 

Feeling like a helpless pawn for giving into her demand, I screamed, "Damn it, Victoria, so now you feel guilty?  Why the hell didn't you think about that before you insisted we go through with this?"

Victoria did not reply.  She was crying so hard I had to go to the bathroom and get her a towel.  Not the most propitious omen to celebrate our thrilling new living arrangement.  Neither of us said another word to each other.  However, Victoria was far from silent. 

"What have I done?  What have I done?" 

This went on all night long.