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MYSTERY OF THE
TEXAS TWOSTEP
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT:
DAY OF REFLECTION
Written by Rick
Archer
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SUNDAY,
OCTOBER 7, 1979
RICK SEARCHES FOR
ANSWERS
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When I
awoke, it was
Sunday morning. The first thing I did was call
Jennifer. No answer.
Jennifer's final words had haunted me all week.
"Just because Victoria spent
the night did not obligate you to have sex! All
you had to do was
keep
your pants on. How could you be so stupid!"
I agreed
with her. It was so obvious, so why didn't I
think of keeping my pants on? For that matter,
why didn't I think of calling Michael that night?
Why didn't I bring up the subject of Stephanie?
Why did the memory of my poolside sacred vow fail to emerge
at the critical moment?
Prior to
Doorstep Night, I had spent an entire year doing everything in my power to
avoid the Affair. And yet on the night when I
begged for some way to escape the mess I had created
with my Ultimatum, not one of those common sense
solutions had occurred to me. If any one of
those obvious thoughts had crossed my mind's eye,
this Affair would have never happened.
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Over the past
year I had been to Victoria's house during the day a
half-dozen times. We were alone. Michael was at
work. Sometimes Stephanie was at Mother's Day Out,
other times the girl was taking a nap. I recall being
sorely tempted to make a move. What better
opportunity? Every time my better judgment kicked in
and I resisted. One time Victoria had come to my house
to help plant bushes. When she asked to come inside, I
had the feeling she would cooperate if I chose to make a
move. I chose not to.
Over the past
year I had been alone with Victoria at the studio many times
to practice our acrobatics. There was a couch in the
storage room. With my hands touching her delicious
bare legs on many an occasion, I had been sorely tempted to
act on my rising passion. Every time my better
judgment kicked in and I resisted.
Over the past
year I had been alone in Victoria's car late at night at
least once a week. Several times I had been sorely
tempted to take advantage of the situation. Every time
my better judgment kicked in and I resisted. Even in
the throes of my one mistake, Moonlight Madness, I had been
able to regain control at the last moment. 50 times.
Maybe even 100 times, I had the perfect opportunity to start
something. Not once had I given into
temptation. Why not? Because I believed it was
wrong.
The weirdest
part was my Poolside Premonition back in August. As I
listened to Victoria and Darya drink a toast to the joys of
Adultery, I was so disgusted that I had prayed to God to
help me resist giving into temptation. And it worked!
To my great relief, all temptation left my body. From
that moment on, I never felt any desire. I was immune
from temptation. Even on Doorstep Night I felt no
temptation. Contrary to what Jennifer had said, I did
not desire sex that night. I could have easily passed
on this opportunity.
However, I WAS
NOT IMMUNE FROM STUPIDITY. Where did my better
judgment go on Doorstep Night? I had successfully
resisted temptation so many times in the past, yet on a night
when no temptation was present, my better judgment had
deserted me. Why? More than anything else, it
was incredibly important to find an answer to my
inexplicable loss of judgment. How was it possible for me to do something totally
against my will? Feeling like someone had
removed my common sense, I explored the possibility
that Fate
had the power to affect my thought process.
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What is Cosmic Blindness? |
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"And
lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from
evil."
I am
about to propose a very unsettling idea. I
believe there will be at least one, maybe two or
three times in every
person's life when God not only fails to deliver us
from evil, He actually leads us into it. Why?
Because 'Suffering' is part of life. We
learn from our mistakes, right? But first we
have to make the mistake.
I was
taught to believe in a loving, benevolent God who
would come to my aid if I asked sincerely. So,
on that day by the swimming pool, I asked God to
deliver me from Evil. In my opinion, God met
me halfway. Yes, God removed all temptation.
My burning desire to have sex with Victoria
vanished. On the other hand, God did not
deliver me from Evil. In fact, I feel like He
had led me straight to it on Doorstep Night. My
Poolside Premonition had predicted this Affair would
happen despite my fervent objection. And so it
did.
Most
people would blame my mistake on Sexual Temptation.
But I did not give into sexual temptation. It
is important to understand that there was no desire
present on Doorstep Night. Please take my word
on that. Considering I wanted to save my
relationship with Jennifer with all my heart, this
Affair took place completely against my will.
But how can someone make me do something against my
will? Is it possible for the Universe to
temporarily remove my power to resist?
This was the day I began to seriously consider
the existence of Cosmic Blindness.
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My theory of Cosmic
Blindness says at key points
in our life our common sense will be temporarily
blocked. Why would this happen? And for
what purpose?
My theory suggests our
common sense is removed
because Fate decrees it is time for us to make a
serious mistake.
I am not referring to little mistakes, but rather a
gut-wrenching
mistake that will affect the course of our life.
How does one know if or when they have been blinded?
You will never know until it is too late. If
you say, "I must have lost my mind," that
will be
your first clue. If your behavior is "highly
uncharacteristic", that is your second clue.
If
Fate does exist, how would it come to pass?
Telepathic suggestions. My
best guess is our thoughts are manipulated beyond
our awareness. If a thought is placed in our
mind, how would we ever know that it is the work of
Fate and not our own idea? Sometimes we are encouraged to
do something positive (Divine Inspiration),
other times we are rendered blind. Stripped of
all caution, we foolishly do
something our common sense would ordinarily
prevent.
How often does this take place? I
doubt it is frequent. During my life, I have
observed three distinct experiences where I
personally felt
Blinded. Doorstep Night was the third event.
It was also the most
important. In each of my
suspected experiences, my loss of judgment created a
whopper of a problem. The consequences of my
so-called 'Blinded' mistakes were so serious
and so 'unlike me'
that afterwards I asked myself how I could have ever
been so stupid. As if ruining my life was not
sufficient punishment, the ultimate slap was being
forced to wonder what could possibly cause me to
make such an irrational decision in the first place.
Did someone tell me this
theory? No.
This idea is the product of observations I have made
over the course of my life. Does
Cosmic Blindness really exist? No one can know for
sure. That said, I totally believe
in the idea. My first
step was to
accept the existence of Fate. I crossed that
threshold long before I met Victoria. From there I
began to wonder how Fate is enacted. Sometimes the Universe
hands us Lucky Breaks. What easier way than to
plant a good idea in our mind? Sometimes the
Universe leads us astray. What easier way than to remove our common sense at a key moment? Given that
this is an extraordinary claim, I do not expect
anyone to readily agree with me. Therefore I
am going to discuss how I reached my conclusion, add
examples to support my claim, then let the Reader make up
your own mind. I do have one suggestion.
Before we begin, try to recall a time when you made
a serious mistake and later found yourself asking
this question: "What was I thinking?"
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Of
course there are psychological theories to explain
my mistake. People have been making senseless,
irrational decisions since the dawn of time.
Our legal system even has a name for it - 'temporary
insanity'. Given the prevalence of
self-destructive behavior throughout mankind, people
look for explanations. In regards to Doorstep
Night, I did the same
thing. I spent an entire day searching
my soul for reasons to explain the loss of my common
sense at such a crucial time. What aggravated
me the most was to realize there had been simple
solutions. I know this for a fact because they
all crossed my mind about six hours too late.
HOWEVER, NOT ONCE DID THOSE IDEAS
CROSS MY MIND WHEN THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN HELPFUL.
So why
didn't those solutions cross my mind when I asked
for them?
If it is our
Destiny to make a mistake, what easier way to lead
us astray than to briefly render us Blind? The idea that
our mind is periodically controlled by forces beyond
our awareness is so abhorrent most Readers
prefer to dismiss the possibility without a second
thought. For that reason, I have written this
chapter to give
people a firm reason to reconsider.
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"Beware
Greeks bearing gifts!"
In 1873,
Heinrich Schliemann, an amateur archeologist,
discovered the remains of Troy near the coast of the Aegean Sea
in western Turkey. After studying ruins dating
back to 1200 BC, scholars concluded the Trojan War
really did take place. So
what about the Trojan Horse? Gosh, you
say, there is no proof that this bizarre story really
happened. I agree it sounds far-fetched, but just for the fun of it, let's pretend this famous tale
is on the level.
If so, then one of history's
most startling examples of Cosmic Blindness was the decision to
haul the Trojan Horse inside the walls of Troy. We all
know how that turned out.
Unless
you were one of the victims, the Trojan Horse story is
comical. For no obvious reason whatsoever, one
morning the Trojans discovered the Greek camp was
empty and ten thousand Greek ships had disappeared.
Since people see what they want to see, the Trojans
assumed the Greeks had given up and gone home.
Ah, but look what the Greeks left behind!
Behold the magnificent wooden horse standing three
stories tall. This must be a Victory Trophy!!
One
characteristic of Cosmic Stupidity is Blindness to
Danger. So ask
yourself this. In the annals of History, how
many times has a defeated nation willingly donated a
lovely prize to the victor? For example, did
the Confederacy erect a flattering statue of Abe
Lincoln? I assume you see my point. Indeed,
following a fierce ten year battle in which
countless Trojans had been sent down to Hades, surely the
survivors had come to distrust
their mortal enemy. So ask yourself this question. What would cause the entire Trojan
community to let down its guard and drag the Trojan Horse inside
their walls?
Even more
embarrassing, the Trojans were warned
to be careful. Princess Cassandra was the daughter of Priam, King of Troy. Due to her
gift of prophecy, Cassandra fervently begged her father not to allow his men to
haul the mysterious Horse inside the gates of Troy. Priam
completely ignored his headstrong daughter and her vision of doom. So did everyone else.
No one would listen. In fact, they were
openly hostile, bombarding the prophetess with harsh insults.
Despite being called a fool, Cassandra was determined to save
Troy. Grabbing an axe in one hand and a burning
torch in the other, she ran towards the Trojan Horse to
expose the hidden Greeks. The Trojans stopped
Cassandra and imprisoned her. For
reasons we will never know, the Trojans lost
complete control of their common sense.
Mistakes are made when the Warning System fails to
operate in a person's mind.
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The Trojan Horse story is easily
dismissed as Mythology. So are far-fetched fantasies such as
Witches and
Evil Spells. That said, despite all the
advances of science, today roughly half the human race is said to believe
in Fate. Of course I am one of those people. Another
thing I believe in is that sometimes our Fate will be downright
cruel.
Why do I
take this idea of Cosmic Blindness so seriously?
Because it raises doubt that we have complete Free
Will.
It was
my Will to avoid an Affair with Victoria. The
Affair came to pass nevertheless. So who is in
charge? Clearly not me. As I write about
my Affair with Victoria, nearly 50 years have
passed. Even today, a certain disturbing
memory returns to mind any time I think about the
greatest mistake of my life.
"JUST KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!"
Given
that no warnings came through on that
awful night,
what thoughts were present? First and
foremost, I was
convinced
that Victoria had informed Michael of her decision.
As abhorrent as my predicament was, she was
now officially living with me. I was deeply
opposed,
but I accepted her presence because I had made a binding promise
earlier that day. Did I anticipate she would leave at
6 am the next morning? No. Did I anticipate she
would move back home in five days? No. Did I think
she was here temporarily? No. I thought Victoria
was here on a permanent basis. Or at least until we
knew more about each other. Not once did I imagine she
would leave in five days. Therefore, when
Victoria
undressed and began
to stare at me with expectation, what difference did it make
whether it was tonight, tomorrow, or the night after?
There was no memory of my Sacred Oath. There was no
thought of Stephanie. There was no suspicion of Victoria's
motives. It never occurred to me to check Victoria's
empty suitcase. Totally convinced Victoria was living
with me in a committed relationship, when she beckoned, I groaned to myself. "If that's what
she wants, what difference does it make? Let's get this over with."
"Let's get
this
over with." That was the only thought in my mind
as I prepared to make the SINGLE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.
The thought that should have been in my mind was
"Keep your pants on, stall for
daylight." That
thought never crossed my mind.
Mistakes are made when the Warning System fails to
operate in a person's mind.
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The
moment we finished having sex, Victoria was
overwhelmed with guilt. Struck by the depth of
her remorse, I thought about Oedipus, the Greek who
was tricked into sleeping with his mother. Feeling tricked into
sleeping with Victoria, I recalled the question I
asked following my Poolside Premonition.
"Do
I have Free Will or don't I? Who exactly
is running this show, me or Fate?"
Haunted
by a deep sense of irony, I had my answer. I
had vowed to prevent this from happening and it
happened anyway. I shook my head in dismay
over my failure. I was so upset that I
demanded an explanation how this could happen
against my will. I had been dead set against
this! For crying out loud, I had no desire to
make love to Victoria, but I did it anyway. It
would have been effortless to walk away. How
could I be so stupid? Victoria could not
seduce me, so she had tricked me into thinking she
was serious about living with me. I had always
laughed at the Trojans for dragging that horse
inside their walls, but now I had done something
equally stupid.
Given my
negative feelings about Adultery, my Sacred Vow and my
demonstrated ability to resist Victoria in the past, why had
I allowed myself to participate in this ill-advised love
making?
As I
watched Victoria cry her head off in despair, I
asked myself why the memory of my Sacred Vow had
been absent from my mind BEFORE we had sex only to
return AFTERWARDS to taunt me. I shook my head
in anguish. Feeling like someone had Blinded
me from my vow, I knew exactly how Oedipus had felt.
Two things had gone wrong. First, I let down
my guard because I believed Victoria was
living with me. Second, the Warning Message
about my Sacred Vow failed to appear when it mattered most.
Just like Oedipus, tricking me was the only way this
could have happened. Bitter, I searched to
understand why my judgment had seemingly been removed.
I decided this event was Predestined. No
other explanation satisfied me. It did not
matter what I wanted. I was not in control, I
was in the grip of Fate.
As one
can gather, the lesson behind the famous myth of
Oedipus is that no one can escape their Fate.
In situations where Man's Will is pitted against
God's Will, man is helpless to prevent the
inevitable.
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One
final word. Why would God lead us into
suffering? One possible answer is to teach us
something for our own good.
And did
I learn anything from Doorstep Night? Yes.
This was the incident that elevated Cosmic Blindness
from an abstract theory into a concrete belief.
In addition, the consequences emanating from this event would change the direction
of my life.
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