MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER SIXTY THREE:

SILVER LINING

Written by Rick Archer 

LIMBO MONTH seven
TUESDAY NIGHT, JANUARY 22, 1980

VICTORIA DROPS A BOMB
 

What Victoria wants, Victoria gets.  That's the way Victoria always played. 

For reasons I would never understand, following our brief, disastrous Affair back in October, Victoria ordered me to stick around even though she had no real use for me anymore.  Due to her Blackmail Threat and Jennifer's Cold Feet, I knuckled under and unwillingly played her stupid game. 

When Disco died over Christmas, so did Victoria's threat.  Starting in January 1980, I intended to gain my freedom.  Unfortunately, I was in for a nasty surprise.  When Victoria returned from her Holiday trip, she was totally guilt-ridden.  Hating herself with a passion, there was not much fight left in her.  A shell of her former self, one swift kick and I could have my freedom.  Nevertheless, I chose to remain at Victoria's side.  Not for Love.  Not for what she could do for the studio.  I did it because I believed this was my Karmic Duty.

Victoria had said, "The least you could do is stay by my side while I try to put my life back together." 

Jennifer was gone, so why not do the woman a favor?  When I promised to help without rancor, my soft approach brought about a change in Victoria I had not anticipated.  To my surprise, during January she started to seriously depend on me for support.  I shook my head in wonder and played along as the dutiful boyfriend.  Now that Madame X had ceased to exist, the dynamics between us improved dramatically.  Although I never explained the true reasons for my promise, I think Victoria sensed that I wasn't looking for the Exit Door every time she turned her back.  Increasingly certain she could count on me, Victoria turned me into her midnight phone confidante and poured out her soul.  It was painful to listen to her nightly lament.  Victoria could not make up her mind what she wanted to do with Michael.  Divorce?  Reconciliation?  As I listened, I was darkly amused to note the one option Victoria never spoke of was deepening her relationship with me.  That kind of stung.  Victoria had originally left her husband because I supposed to be worth the risk.  So what's stopping her from taking me out for a spin?  Please understand that I was not in favor of growing closer, but it still intrigued me that Victoria never discussed our relationship as a viable option.  It was a blow to my ego, but I guess I was used to being a spare tire by now.  It was sort of like being in the army reserves.  In case of crisis, Victoria wanted to be sure I would be there to catch her.  I was her Knight in waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.  When will this ever end?

It was Tuesday, January 22nd.  At 7 pm Victoria taught her lone Disco class of 8 students.  Then as usual Victoria stuck around to audit my Beginning Country-Western class from 8-9 pm.  Victoria was not enthusiastic about the music or the dancing, but it was better than going home early.  Unlike the old days when Victoria was always finding ways to be center of attention, she rarely said a word in class.  Here in the third week of class, everyone had figured out that she and I had some sort of connection.  However, no one pried.  I might add that no one cared either.  The Universe had once revolved around Vibrant Victoria during the Disco Era, so imagine how disconcerting it was to see Victoria turn into Vanishing Vickie during the Western Era.  This was not the same woman I once knew.  Where had Sunshine Victoria gone to?  As it turns out, Victoria was wondering the same thing. 

When class ended, we went out to her car to talk for a while.  Miserable and confused, Victoria began by saying she needed to straighten out her mind before she could straighten out her life.  Victoria told me she was a mystery to herself.  Victoria never came right out and said it, but the results of our Affair had been so futile, she could not imagine what had possessed her to throw herself at me so recklessly.  Indeed, Victoria had behaved like she could not live without me.  Now that she knew better, she was ashamed of herself.  Victoria also told me she could not figure out what had caused her to lose control of her common sense.  Why had she behaved so rashly?

Should I tell Victoria about my theory of Cosmic Blindness?  No.  Victoria was a very disturbed woman.  Full of regret and self-loathing, so far Victoria had spent all of January deep in soul search.  Unfortunately she was not making much progress.  The last thing Victoria needed was a metaphysical discussion on Fate and the nature of Reality.  What Victoria needed was a therapist.  As we sat in the car, to my surprise Victoria announced she had reached the same conclusion.

"Good lord, Rick, what was I thinking?  I destroyed my marriage!  But why?  Michael never mistreated me.  Yes, he was very frustrated with me, but he never did anything to hurt me.  He's a decent man, a great father and a pretty good husband whenever I don't drive him crazy.  Michael never deserved what I did to him.  I must have been out of my mind.  What the hell is wrong with me?  Since I can't seem to figure things out on my own, I've decided I need professional help."

Did she read my mind?  It sure felt that way.  Of course it did not take a mind reader for Victoria to realize she should enter therapy.  However I did not anticipate her next declaration.

"So last week I called a couple old girlfriends.  One of them highly recommended a woman named Charlotte.  Using Mother's Day Out as a babysitter for Stephanie, I had my first session this morning."

Wow!  I did not see that coming.  Good for Victoria.

"When we spoke today, one of the things we talked about was you.  Charlotte advised me to continue our relationship as it stands.  She told me to make as few changes in my life as possible.  Based on her recommendation, I would like you to continue standing by me while Charlotte helps me sort things out.  I realize I keep you at a distance, but there is a reason for that.  Although I am very much in love with you, I am too scared to let myself come closer due to all my confusion.  I cannot take a chance of getting hurt, so just be patient, please.  I firmly believe that when I straighten myself out, I will be able to open up to you again."

I groaned.  "Open up to me?"  "Come closer to me?"   Gee whiz, that's the last thing I wanted her to do!  I was horrified to discover Victoria's decision to seek help had somehow backfired.  Just set me free, please.  But I kept my mouth shut and pretended this was okay.  The utter selfishness of Victoria's position stupefied me.  Now that she had Charlotte, what did she need me for?  I doubted seriously she had future plans for me, but since I was useful as her midnight counselor, she might as well keep me around.  This was not good news.  As screwed up as Victoria was, this could take a while.  I had heard of people who stayed in therapy their entire lives.  I had no intention of sticking around that long.

I was upset for another reason.  I strongly suspected Victoria was using her therapist as a way to manipulate me.  Long ago I had reached the unpleasant conclusion that Victoria was a ventriloquist of sorts.  I believed she put words in other people's mouths that would be awkward for her to admit were actually her own thoughts.  For example, about this time a year ago (it seemed like an eternity), Victoria claimed Michael had encouraged her to have a 'European-style Affair' with me.  I found it highly unlikely that Michael had said any such thing.  That gave rise to my theory that Victoria put imaginary words in other people's mouths to justify saying some fairly outrageous things.  For example, back in November Victoria claimed that her lawyer Bartholomew had forbidden her to engage in physical contact with me as a way to protect her custody rights.  Now here in late January she claimed her therapist Charlotte insisted I stick around.  Although I believed her therapist claim was complete nonsense, nevertheless I promised Victoria I would be patient. 

The relief on her face was all I needed to know I had done the right thing.  One might ask why I deliberately chose to remain a lackey.  My answer is that I sincerely believed it was my Karmic duty to stay by her until I believed she could stand on her own two feet.  Clearly she was not ready yet, so I signed up for a longer tour of duty.  She had once made immense contributions to my career, so I would return the favor.  Unfortunately, however, Victoria did not make it easy for me.  She often hurt my feelings by taking me for granted.  Other times she angered me by blaming me for all her problems.  Although I grew weary of Victoria's claim that I had ruined her life, I did not argue.  I could tell she really needed me.  As long as I felt the studio was safe from harm, I did my best to be magnanimous.

I won't lie.  I felt sorry for myself a lot of the time.  When it came to ruining her life, what about Victoria ruining my life?  Victoria had cost me the woman I wanted to marry.  However, there was no point in rehashing this sore subject.  I never spoke of Madame X again nor did Victoria say another word. 

Ah, Jennifer.  Beautiful Jennifer.  Why did you leave me?  And how was I ever going to extricate myself from this woman without using force?  Prior to Jennifer's decision to leave for Dallas, I had often toyed with the idea of channeling my inner 'Hercules Unchained'.  Wouldn't it be great to snap free of Victoria's shackles through force and be done with this nonsense forever?  That urge had been strongest back when I was pleading with Jennifer to be my girl.  But Jennifer was long gone.  At the moment Victoria needed me for reassurance more than I needed my freedom to pursue potential girlfriends.  As long as Victoria didn't boss me around like she had in the past or threaten the studio, I would allow Victoria to hold me captive a while longer. 

WEDNESDAY NIGHT, JANUARY 23, 1980

I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME
 

On Tuesday night, Victoria announced her decision to seek therapy.  Citing her therapist's advice, she asked me to renew my commitment to be her 'boyfriend' till she felt stronger.  Recognizing that Victoria was in no shape to stand on her own two feet, I reluctantly agreed to hang around a while longer.  How much longer I did not know.  I wanted my freedom back, but as things stood with Limbo, there was no end in sight. 

Consequently I was in a really bad mood as I drove to the studio the following night, Wednesday, January 23.  I had a Beginner Western class from 7-8 pm, but no class after that.  As my class neared its end, the last thing I wanted to do was go home at 8 pm and start to brood.  Fighting a very serious depression, the last thing I needed was to be alone.  I needed companionship in the worst way.  Lynette said she went dancing whenever she started singing the blues.  I suppose I could do the same thing, but the last thing I wanted to do was risk rejection by asking one anonymous girl after another to dance with me.  The fear of rejection at the hands of unknown women had been my Achilles Heel dating all the way back to high school. 

Maybe there was another way to solve my rejection problem.  On the spur of the moment, I decided to ask my students to come along with me.  At the end of class I made an announcement.

"Hey, guys, I'm heading over to Cowboy after class.  You all need the practice, so maybe you would like to come with me.  Do I have any takers?"

There were about 25 people in the class.  They all looked at each other.  The men were very reluctant.  Nor could I blame them.  They only had three hours of lessons under their belt.  That was not nearly enough training to accomplish much.  All the married men said no.  However 3 brave single guys said they would go.  They weren't sure they would dance, but they wanted to see what it was like.  Eight women said they wanted to go.  Whoa.  I had not counted on that.  Be careful what you ask for.  As it stood, I had my work cut out for me.  But I didn't care.  Right now the thought of dancing with these eight women sounded a lot better than returning to an empty home. 

To my relief, things worked out just fine.  While I danced with one lady at a time, the three men entertained the other seven.  The men pulled two tables together and took turns buying the ladies a beer.  Pretty soon everyone was talking up a storm.  It did not take long for the ladies to persuade the three guys to dance.  They all used the same pitch.  "Come dance with me.  I don't care if I go backwards the whole song.  I just want to get out there."  As the evening progressed, everyone agreed they were glad they had come.

So what about me?  The nice thing about this arrangement was the chance to bypass my fear of rejection.  However, I was really bad at making conversation with the various ladies.  I did not know a thing about them.  Since I did not use name tags in those days, I didn't know their names.  Nor did I know what they did for a living, what part of town they lived in, and so on.  I was so bad at small talk I didn't even think to ask for their astrology sign, theoretically the standard opening line in the Age of Aquarius..

Why was I so inadequate?  During my two years of Disco, I talked to lots of women, but never on the dance floor.  It was impossible!  We moved too fast.  The same held true for the Polka.  Too fast.  But Twostep was another story.  The floor was so crowded, we moved at a snail's pace that allowed for conversation.  However, to my consternation I found myself tongue-tied.  As I have said repeatedly, I grew up a loner.  I never had a single date in high school.  Actually it was worse than that.  I managed to graduate without one serious conversation outside of class with my female classmates.  I had male friends, but not women.  Pretty sad, huh?  Over the years my conversational skills with strangers had improved, but I still had a long way to go.  Fortunately, I didn't have to talk to these ladies.  I danced with them and that seemed to make them happy.  Glad to have this pleasant experience, they became curious about me.  To my surprise, once the ladies got the hang of it, they were the ones who initiated the conversation.  They would ask questions and all I had to do was respond.  That much I could do. 

Now for the fun part.  Let's say that while we danced, Valerie asked me if dancing was what I did for a living.  How did I become a dance teacher?  Was I born in Texas?  If not, then where did I grow up?   Three or four minutes later the song was over.  Now it was Betty's turn to dance.  Taking my cue from Valerie, I asked Betty what she did for a living.  What part of the town did Betty live in?  How did she find out about my dance class?  Where did she grow up?  Betty would in turn ask me a couple questions.  In other words, these women were teaching me how to conduct a basic interview.  It was pathetic that my social skills were that mediocre, but hey, better late than never.  By the end of the night, I taught all eight girls how to dance and all eight turned around and taught me how to get to know them.  What a wonderful exchange. 

Starting at 8:30, I managed to dance with each woman at least twice, some three times.  By the time it was 10:30, everyone decided it was time to head home, so we bid each other farewell.  I went home in a very good mood.  Tired but happy, I had no trouble getting to sleep.  Too bad Victoria's typical midnight phone call woke me up, but that's another story.

Guess what?  I had such a good time on Wednesday, I did it again Thursday.  And Friday too.  Same results each night.  In the process I was making friends.  Not 'girlfriends', but rather 'friends who were girls'.  This was new for me.  Their friendship made my loneliness so much easier to deal with.  Victoria had her therapist and now I was getting my therapy in a different way.  Who knows?  Dancing after class every night could easily become a habit.

GOOD LUCK BAD LUCK

SILVER LINING

As far as I was concerned, God was responsible for making me feel responsible for Victoria.  I tried to be a good sport about Limbo for the first few weeks, but the moment Victoria used Charlotte as an excuse to ask me to extend my promise, I lost my temper.  As it stood, the last thing I wanted to do was babysit Victoria for the rest of my life.  Damn it, I wanted my freedom back.  Nevertheless, now that I had given my word, I was determined to see my promise through to the end.  Hopefully once I received my freedom, I would still be young enough to reproduce. 

I was convinced that Limbo was an evil curse.  However there was something about Limbo I could not put my finger on.  Yes, I was lonely and miserable.  But on second thought I was not nearly as miserable as I should have been.  Was it my imagination or was something very suspicious going on in my life?  In the span of just one month, some very special things were happening.

Due to Limbo, I was not able to date the pretty girls surrounding me.  Very Bad Luck.

Due to my inability to chase women, I used my free time to concentrate on my business and develop more Western dance patterns.  Good Luck. 

Due to Limbo, I was lonely out of my mind.  Very Bad Luck.

Lonely out of my mind, I began to ask my dance students to join me for dancing every night after dance class.  To my surprise, I began receiving nightly advice on how to improve my social skills.  Plus my loneliness became manageable.  Good Luck

Due to Limbo, I was unable to use my overabundance of free time to chase women.  Bad Luck.

Due to my overabundance of free time, I decided to undertake the arduous task of learning Ballroom Dance.  At the rate I was going, this might take an eternity.  As I would come to learn, my new Ballroom project was one of the smartest moves I ever made.  Good Luck. 

Due to Limbo, I was not able to date the pretty girls surrounding me.  Bad Luck.

Unable to date the pretty girls surrounding me, I was starting to make good friends with women for the first time in my life.  Good Luck.

There was only one of me and countless frustrated girls who resented waiting all night for me to ask them to dance.  Bad Luck

These same women went back to class next week and strongly encouraged the men to get in the game and join them the following week.  Next thing I knew, there were just as many men as women at Cowboy.  The men learned faster and thoroughly enjoyed being the object of so much female attention.  Good Luck.

So guess what happened next?  By going dancing every night of the week, the students in every Beginning Western class started to ask each other if they were planning to take the follow-up Intermediate level in March.  "I'll take it if you'll take it!"  The buzz was unbelievable.  I had been for a way to avoid a calamitous 'One and Done' scenario.  Totally by accident, the problem had solved itself.  Simply by going dancing every night to deal with my acute loneliness, the Boy Meets Girl energy in my classes had exploded.  Did I deserve to take credit for this wonderful solution?  Of course not.  It was an accident.  Or was it an accident?  Don't ask me why, but everything I did turned to gold these days. 

Now for the Supernatural aspect.  I would have NEVER gone dancing every night of the week if I had a girlfriend.  I had the eerie feeling that this spectacular piece of Good Luck was all part of the plan.  It was so weird I got goosebumps.  Crazy as it seemed, Limbo Captivity had dramatically accelerated the development of my Western program.  Just when I thought this was my Darkest Day, being forced to take care of Victoria had turned this into my Brightest Day.  Good grief.  I was very confused.  Although I despised this miserable Limbo Captivity, I could no longer ignore the benefits.  Strange as it was, all this dancing was starting to bring me out of my shell.  Limbo was helping me develop facets of my personality that had remained dormant my whole life.

Right before my eyes I was undergoing a transformation.  I was developing leadership skills.  I was becoming an extrovert.  I was learning how to be a giver rather than a taker.  I could hardly believe the changes that had come over me, but I liked it.  Amazed at what was happening, I was forced to admit that Limbo was good for me. 

Age 30, I was surprised to realize that even though I was still very lonely, I had never been happier in my life.  No, I was not a natural dancer.  But I was a very good teacher.  Not just that, I had just discovered I was a born social worker.  I felt like I was providing a special service for all my students.  This was incredibly rewarding.

I thought of the Mark Twain quote.  "The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you found out why."   It felt like I had begun to fulfill the role I was always meant to do.  Not just that, I was becoming emotionally healthy for the first time in my life.  Incredible. 

How was it possible for all this suffering to be good for me?  Crazy as it seemed, Limbo Captivity had somehow turned into a Silver Lining.  They say that God works in mysterious ways.  Now I had proof.  All Glory goes to God.