MYSTERY OF THE TEXAS TWOSTEP

CHAPTER SIXTY seven:

bonfire

Written by Rick Archer 

LIMBO MONTH ten
Wednesday, APRIL 2, 1980

GOING OUT OF MY MIND WITH FEAR
 

It was Wednesday, April 2.  Tonight the long-awaited TGIS western class would begin.  The timing was perfect.  I was catching the growing Urban Cowboy fever at its peak.  With the debut of Urban Cowboy just three months away, Houston could barely handle the excitement.  I had done a good job promoting my class and felt my sales pitch had been well-received.  Despite my tendency to worry about things over which I had no control, I reassured myself this would be a big night.

If there was one thing unusual about my month-long promotion in March, it was the chance to emerge from Victoria's immense shadow.  Always a loner since childhood, always the introvert, it had been quite a stretch to put myself out in front of hundreds of strangers four Sundays in a row.  Forcing myself to be outgoing, each week I had talked to people I did not know who were much older than me.  Despite my fears, I had been treated well by the TGIS members.  Each week I came out of my shell a little further. 

I had done the best job of promoting this class I was capable of.  However, that didn't keep me from biting my fingernails.  I am a worrier by nature.  Was my best good enough?  I did not have a lot of confidence in my ability to talk to strangers and wondered if it showed.  Many times I wished I had let Victoria do it for me.  Good lord, Victoria was so awesome, she would probably persuade the entire room of 400 to sign up.  But then I grinned.  Bad idea.  The moment Victoria saw how much money I stood to make, she would change her mind and decide I could afford her after all.  Then I would never get rid of her.

Victoria was nowhere in sight.  I had deliberately scheduled this class for a Wednesday because I knew Victoria would be stuck at home clinging to her parental rights.  In fact, she didn't even know about this class, a fact that demonstrates just how far removed she was from me these days.  I was determined to prove to myself I could stand on my own two feet.

Disco was Dead.  The fabled Pistachio Club had closed.  The end of the Disco Era underlined just how much I had riding on the outcome of this TGIS venture.  This was my chance to establish an entire new group of students in my fledgling Western program.  Unfortunately I had no idea how many people were coming.  The largest side room at Stevens of Hollywood held 30 people, 40 in a pinch.  I believed there was a good chance we could exceed 40 students, but I had no way of knowing.  Due to my inexperience, I had not insisted on any sort of RSVP or 'Pre-Registration'.  I was still too new to this business to think of that angle.  So I did the next best thing and paid $50 to rent the Main Ballroom floor from Lance Stevens.  That was a lot of money in those days, but what choice did I have?  I could not take a chance of being overcrowded in one of the side rooms.  The Main Ballroom could hold over 100 people, so that should solve the problem. 

I remember how amused Lance Stevens was.  To him, my foolishness to pay him $50 was like taking money from a baby.  Since he had no idea what I had been up to, he assumed no one as incompetent as me could possibly have a dance class larger than 40 people.  Unfortunately, on the night of the first class, it looked like Stevens was going to get the better of me.

It was 6:30 pm on the night of the TGIS Debut.  The class started at 7 and the room was virtually empty.  Miss Moneypenny and her friend Gail were sitting there with absolutely nothing to do.  I had asked Miss Moneypenny to find another lady to help her just in case there was a large crowd.  It did not seem professional for me to take the money, so I preferred to pay these two women to do it for me.  Noticing that only a trickle of people had appeared so far, the two women stared at me and I stared at them.  Where is everybody? 

With nothing to do but wait and worry, I was a nervous wreck.  I was growing more and more nervous as the seconds ticked off.  When I looked up at the clock and saw that it said 6:40 pm, I absolutely panicked.  Here it was just 20 minutes before class was scheduled to start and there were at most 10 students waiting for class. 

TEN STUDENTS!?!?  What in the hell did I do wrong?  The room was practically deserted. 

I was sick with worry, nauseous, biting my nails, climbing the walls. 

One solid month of promotion and all I had to show for my effort were 10 lousy students!?!!?!  

Scared out of my wits, I couldn't take it anymore.  My nerves were too much on edge to sit still.  Plus I did not want my ten students to see how upset I was.  I told Miss Moneypenny and Gail I was going for a walk.  Penny was alarmed. 

"Where are you going, Rick?"

"My nerves are killing me.  I can't stand all this waiting.  I am going to take a walk around the block.  Don't worry, I'll be back at 7."

Before Penny could say another word, I was out the door.  Walking counter-clockwise around the block, at 6:41 I passed the nearby Stevens parking lot, the scene of countless Car Talks with Victoria.  I morbidly glanced over and saw a car pull up, most likely another student.  I frowned.  One more person was not going to cut it.  I couldn't bear to look anymore, so I turned my head and kept walking up the block.  Using my watch, I timed the length of my walk to bring me back to Stevens one minute before 7 pm. 

At that time, I would make my grand entrance before my paltry class of 10 students.  Oh, make that 11 including the man in the parking lot.  That 20 minute walk around the long block was the longest 20 minutes of my life.  The uncertainty was driving me out of my mind. 

What did I do wrong?

IN SHOCK
 

At the end of my walk, the entrance to Stevens was hidden around the corner.  As I approached that corner, I was so nervous I had to put my hands in my pockets to keep them from shaking. 

This class was the most important thing in the world to me.  I had so much hope invested in this class that I would cry if it was a bust. 

When I turned the corner, I saw a line of people so long it snaked out the door! 

Unbelievable!! 

When I left the studio at 6:40, I assumed more people would show up.  However, I never expected to witness an avalanche of this magnitude.  I gasped in shock.  There were people lined up out the door as far as my eye could see.  The line was so long it snaked from the front door of the studio all the way back to the parking lot a block away.  

My sense of relief was overwhelming.   Although the suspense had nearly caused a heart attack, this moment was the biggest thrill of my lifetime.  My only regret is that I did not own a camera.  It would have been really wonderful to capture this exciting moment on film.

Totally in awe, I remained standing on the street corner for several minutes taking it all in.   This line reminded me of long lines I had seen at blockbusters like Exorcist and Godfather.  I estimate over 100 people had arrived in the span of 20 minutes.  I could not believe how badly I had been fooled.  It reminded me of Fright Night when I realized how beautiful Cowboy was, not even remotely the dump I had expected it to be.  I frowned and wondered if this was yet another practical joke being played on me by the Universe.  If so, it wasn't funny.  My nerves were so ragged I was ready for the loony bin.

I had never seen anything so ridiculous in all my life.  Apparently the entire class had decided to show up at the last minute.  Of course I was relieved.  However, I was angry at the same time.  These people had scared me to death!!  At the very minimum, they had cost me another one of my Cat Lives.  Or maybe two.  These people better be nice to me tonight.  I doubted I had any Cat Lives left.

Well, obviously tonight's class would not be starting on time.  The funny thing is that no one seemed to mind.  Out on the sidewalk, they were all laughing and carrying on.   They loved standing there because it gave them a chance to check out all the other single people.  

Due to their height, I spotted Chuck and Doug from the Seekers group I had met the previous Sunday.  They didn't mind the wait at all.  The two men were surrounded by nine admiring women.  Doug was being a gentleman, but not Chuck.  Good grief, Chuck was flirting with all of them!  As I went over to greet this group, I had just been taught an indelible lesson... Single People are an odd breed.   Single people learn that if they commit to something too soon, something better might come along at the last moment. 

"Oh, gee, what if Fred calls?  I really want to see him.  I guess I will wait till 6:45.  If he doesn't call by then, I will drive over to that new TGIS dance class." 

Single People learn to keep all options open as long as possible.  This allows them to make up their minds at the last possible second, then race like mad in order to be a couple minutes deliberately late.  The Unspoken Code of being Single dictates no single person in their right mind would dream of being first to a party.  Being early was the kiss of death, a Faux Pas of the worst kind.  Rather than risk being a topic for gossip and derision, better to be fashionably late.  What a shame no one had ever explained these realities to me during my arrested childhood development.  As usual, I was learning my lesson the hard way.  My heart had still not stopped thumping. 

One by one, Miss Moneypenny and her friend Gail signed them up.  If I wasn't so happy, I would have strangled every one of these TGIS people.  I suppose the delay was just as well because it gave me time to repair my shattered nerves. 

All told, we had 125 registrations.  We didn't get class started till 7:30, but no one cared.  These people were all single, so they went looking for someone to court and spark.  The place was mobbed, but why complain?  During the wait, everyone took advantage of this grand opportunity to enhance their love life.

Watching them in action, I gathered these TGIS people were mostly unattached and hell bent on the pursuit of Love.  They had just stumbled upon the finest 'Happy Hunting Ground' they would ever encounter in their entire lives.  They were so busy chasing each other, the room vibrated with a tornado of romantic tension.  

Considering what a good mood everyone was in, I guess it was no surprise the class turned out very well.  I did a good job teaching despite my jangled nerves.  I lined them up in two giant concentric circles and off we went.  People came up to me later and said how impressed they were.  Even though this class was beyond gigantic, pretty much everyone was able to get the hang of the patterns.  And even if they didn't get it, they were still happy because they got a phone number instead... or two or three.

Around 8 pm, my Intermediate students showed up for their class.  I apologized for the massive delay, then invited them to join the fun.  Their eyes lit up!  One young man muttered, "Don't mind if I do." 

Never in my wildest imagination had I dreamed my TGIS class would become the sensational Singles Event of the season.  The students were thrilled out of their minds.  With the birds and the bees in overdrive and Cupid shooting darts, I am certain countless love affairs were spawned on the spot.  I imagine there are grown children who owe their existence to the fiery romantic sparks generated that night.

BONFIRE
 

TGIS was the Spark that lit the Bonfire.  Although my Love Life would remain in suspended animation, my dance career took an exponential leap forward.  Following our initial class in April, I wisely attended TGIS the following Sunday in case there were any questions.  I also went because I was lonely.  Besieged with well-wishers, I thoroughly enjoyed my moment of triumph.  In addition, I was able to head off a huge problem. 

Word of mouth following my first week class was phenomenal.  Once people heard that the class had been loads of fun, I could have easily expanded the class from 125 students to 200 the following week. 

However, our dance floor could not possibly handle more people.  The first TGIS class had been so crowded that I had to cut off new registrations for the second week.  Since my class was the hottest ticket in town, the ones who missed out were really angry.  They did not like being turned away, especially those who thought their love life needed the boost.  On Sunday morning at TGIS I must have heard fifty heart-rending excuses why I should make an exception for each lonely soul.  But there was no room, so I stood my ground.  I patiently explained the class would be unworkable if I added more students.

These forlorn pleas turned out to be a blessing because they gave me an idea.  Why not offer another class??  I went straight to Linda Shuler to ask permission to schedule another class for the following month. 

Linda smiled when she saw me coming.  That was a very good sign, so I made my pitch immediately.  Linda nodded.

"Yes, I heard good things, so another class is a smart move.  I have had several people suggest the same thing.  You have my permission to cut my signature from the April flyer and paste it to a May flyer.  That way you can begin promoting next Sunday." 

Then she added, "I think I should make an announcement. I will tell everyone that your Wednesday class is closed for lack of space, then add that there will be another class starting in May."

I jumped for joy.  This TGIS class was not just a one-time thing.  Thanks to Linda, my classes had just become an ongoing feature.  Not only that, she gave my class a huge plug when she made her announcement.  In that moment, my TGIS class became the talk of the town.  Word of mouth alone guaranteed another very large class.

At lunch that day, I went from table to table promising another class starting in May.  Start spreading the word!  Once I began promoting another jackpot TGIS class for May, that calmed the hopes of the lovelorn.   They too would have their chance at happiness. 

As for my April class, I called them "The Pioneers".  These characters had the time of their lives.  The moment they learned enough for me to invite them to come dancing with me after class, they were off to the races.  Once my friends Chuck and Doug got the hang of it, they were so busy dancing every night at the Western clubs they had the nerve to complain about losing weight.

With 125 people in my April class, one might wonder if I had fished out the pond.  No way.  I had not even scratched the surface.  My second TGIS class in May was almost as big as the first one.  On May sign-up night, another 100 people lined up out the door.  Like they say in football, if a play works, run it again.  My third TGIS class in June class approached 100 students as well.  TGIS had an endless supply of single people looking for love. 

TGIS marked a Cosmic Shift in my fortunes.  Once my dance classes developed the enviable reputation as Houston's Happy Hunting Ground, things were never the same.  My TGIS students had discovered dancing was the easiest way on earth to meet other singles.  No need for awkward conversation, no need for pickup lines, no need to ply a girl with drinks.  Just ask her to dance!  Light bulbs went off right and left with a powerful message... if you take Rick's Country-Western dance class, you might just  find the love of your life.

Urban Cowboy was set to debut on June 6, 1980.  The anticipation was creating a stampede of demand for Western dance lessons here in Houston.  As the date grew closer, the overwhelming media hype whipped the city into a frenzy.  This of course was a major reason why attendance in my dance classes was so high.  There were now other Western instructors in Houston, but I didn't care.  The advantage of being Houston's one and only Western teacher in January had given me a sizeable lead.  The innovations I made in January and February were so well-received that word of mouth increased my lead.  However, nothing compared to TGIS.  The fastest way to spread the news is telegraph, telephone, and tell a woman.  Every Sunday afternoon at lunch the only thing people talked about was my dance class.  With the debut of Urban Cowboy on Houston's doorstep, the combination of Class Factory, word of mouth and TGIS gossip sent an avalanche of new students to my door.  Now that the Bonfire was lit, no one would ever come close to catching me. 

LOVE POTION #9
 

My program was in orbit thanks to TGIS.  The TGIS singles program proved to be a bottomless pit of new students.  I had known TGIS had tremendous potential, but the response far exceeded my wildest expectations.  This was the gift that kept on giving.  The boost TGIS gave to my career was incalculable.  Where did all these people come from?  The answer was easy.  Even before I came along, TGIS was considered the best singles program in the city.  TGIS had an overall membership pegged roughly at 1,000 people.  This was a very fluid enrollment.  Not everyone attended each Sunday service.  Some people were regulars while others might just come once a month to see if there were any new faces that looked interesting. 

Every time a person got a divorce or broke up with their boyfriend/girlfriend, they heard through the grapevine that TGIS was a good place to start looking again.  New people were coming into the program all the time and many of these people were funneled to my classes through word of mouth.  The newcomers would be invited to lunch.  Once the were there, wouldn't you know it, the topic invariably would include gossip about Rick Archer's Western class.  The newcomer would ask a question, someone would hand them a flyer.  Bingo, I had another customer.   

I continued to visit TGIS every Sunday throughout April.  However, I stopped going in May.  There was no longer any need.  Various students volunteered to pass out flyers for me each Sunday starting in May.  From this point on, the students from my April and May classes did the selling for me.  As I said, my Western classes were the hot topic at every Sunday lunch table. 

With new students coming out the wood work, Spring was exhausting.  The phone never stopped ringing!  It felt like every person in my original April TGIS class referred a friend to my follow-up May class.  Some of my April students repeated in May just to check out the new recruits.  Students in the May class referred people to the June TGIS class.  As word of my classes spread across Houston, the publicity was out of this world.  I was amazed to see the success of my original TGIS class multiply many times over.  Some of my friends told me the heyday of TGIS coincided with the start of my dance classes.  That made sense.  TGIS was a lucky break for me, but my dance classes helped spread the fame of TGIS throughout Houston.  As the saying goes, it was the start of a beautiful friendship.

With Urban Cowboy whipping the city into a frenzy, my program was a major beneficiary.  Since I had been the only game in town for the first two months of 1980, people signed up in droves.   Considering my group classes were effective, inexpensive and fun, my program quickly developed a reputation as the best place in Houston to learn western dancing.  However, TGIS added a dimension I had not counted on: Rick's class offered the chance to meet the love of your life. 

"Slow Dance leads to Romance..."  What a selling point! 

My Die Hard class saw the explosion and asked how I had accomplished this so quickly.  Should I give them the Mystic answer or the Realistic answer?  The Mystic answer was that strange tome known as The Mistress Book.  In 1974, six years earlier, a key paragraph had led me straight to my very first dance class.

"Experience has taught me Dancing is more powerful than Love Potion #9.  Put a woman in my arms and I will move her with confidence around the floor.  Feeling me hold her, touch her, and guide her sends the right kind of message.  She closes her eyes and pretends I am Prince Charming.  Take my word for it, Dancing softens a woman.  She knows if a man feels right on the dance floor, he will feel right in bed later on."  

When I first read that, I was hooked on the spot.  It took me four years to learn to dance, but it paid off in spectacular fashion.  Starting in the summer of 1978, I had dated a procession of beautiful women.  That was the proof I needed to know the advice of the Mistress Book was accurate.  However, this invaluable information was not widely known to the average single guy.  Now thanks to the luckiest break of my life, I was able to convey my Love Potion secret to a legion of Houston's singles.  

Mind you, the power of Dance to create Romance was not a complete secret.  My Disco students had gotten the same message.  There were always plenty of dance-related flash fires scattered here and there.  However, there was nothing in the Disco Era quite like TGIS.  This time I was sharing the Dance leads to Romance secret with an organization that contained 1,000 singles. 

Acting like a fast-spreading virus, this rabid group was swiftly infected with dance-related madness.  I had never seen adults quite as silly as these lovelorn TGIS singles.  There was not one married couple in the room.  I had never really thought about it before, but the presence of married people provides the same sobering effect as having kids around.  You gotta behave!  But not this group.  The absence of any moderately sane married couples to enforce decorum allowed the Birds and the Bees to operate with impunity.  My students acted like horny teenagers at the Prom with no chaperone in sight to enforce good behavior.  The moment these poorly supervised students wrapped their arms around each other in dance class, they seemingly lost all inhibition.  They kept their clothes on, but they didn't want to.

Linda Shuler would later share a note about her first TGIS class.

"Participating in your class was loads of fun and crazy wild.  I partnered with Don, and at one point he had me literally up in the air doing some sort of high-flying leap; my skirt flipped down and my panties showed to the world, much to my chagrin. 

But who cares, this was insane fun!"

The words of the Mistress Book echoed through my mind.  This was Love Potion #9 in action.  Except in this case, someone had taken an entire box of Love Potion and spilled it on the dance floor.  With everyone dizzy under its spell, the TGIS dance class resembled 'Love Boat' on Land.  The moment the men got those women in their arms, sparks flew and Romance was inevitable. 

I was in total awe.  My dance program had just taken a Quantum Leap forward.   Urban Cowboy was hyped as the biggest thing to hit Houston since the Astrodome.  All I had to do was tap into the momentum created by the incessant propaganda.  Once the largest Singles organization in the city connected to the man who knew EXACTLY how to harness the potential of Western dancing, the future success of my dance studio was guaranteed. 

That is what I mean by 'Bonfire'.  Good lord, I nearly burned the city down!

Everything was so perfect, I was convinced it was Fate.  This was my Brightest Day.  Everything I touched turned to Gold. 

Except for my Love Life, of course.  But that's another story.