Men Bash Women

The Men Fight Back !

I must say I was pretty worried. It turns out women are much better at Bashing Men than men are at Bashing Women (verbally speaking). Actually, Women aren't just "better" than men at the Bashing Business... they are so vastly Superior that the contest appeared to be over before it had even begun.

I asked for men to submit some counter-attack material, but all I got was a couple lollipop lobs. At the same time, about 30 Designing Women sent in a veritable nuclear arsenal of further verbal jabs at men.

I was desperate. A week passed. Just some pathetic putdowns came in. It was so sad the best Female Bashing material was actually sent in by some women. I almost printed the girl's stuff. It was all I had. But I waited and I waited... then like a miracle a Champion appeared !

A Real Man stepped up and laid a vicious verbal two by four right across the chops of all the Men Bashers and evened the score ! Granted there is just one of him and 30 or 40 of the women, but this guy is good ! He can go verbal kung fu with the best of the women. Read on and see what the Men's Champion had to say. If this guy ruffles some feathers, I might add I did not write this... the material was given to me. I am merely the humble messenger.

And now for the Main Event.... let's get ready to Rumble!!

Fairy Tale

One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly, did not whine, nag, and bitch........

But this was a long time ago.....

and it was just ONE day.

The End

WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN…
submitted by Mr. Misogynist

1. A beer couldn’t care less if you respect it after you have finished it off.

2. A beer looks just as good in the morning as it did when the bar closed.

3. The lip of a beer always moistens when you blow into it.

4. A beer won’t ruin a good time afterwards to complain about sleeping in the wet spot.

ugly woman.gif (10868 bytes)

5. A beer doesn’t mind waiting till half-time. A beer knows whatever is important to a man is so important he should never be disturbed.

6. No matter what a man might have promised, a beer would never ask for the remote when the game is in overtime. A beer would understand perfectly well that overtime in the third preseason game with the fourth-string quarterback running the show is far more important than the first half hour of "Gone With the Wind".

7. Nor would a beer ever be stupid enough to ask what inning it is on 4th down, 3 yards to go.

8. A beer doesn’t change its mind after a man take its top off.

9. A beer is ready whenever the thirst hits.

10. A beer doesn’t expect a man to rub its neck for an hour before satisfying him.

11. We might add finishing a beer in 3 seconds is considered something to be proud of.

12. A beer couldn't care less if the lid is up or down.

13. A beer doesn’t insult men by saying all they are good for is taking out the trash, carrying things in airports, opening jars, picking up dog poop, and squishing bugs.

14. A beer doesn’t mind if a man's most intelligent retort to the previous comment is "Shut up, bitch !" For that matter, a good beer would agree this is an especially witty comeback.

15. On trips, a beer is patient when you make a tiny wrong turn even if it means being late for something relatively unimportant like a wedding ceremony. When the chips are down like getting to a football game before the kickoff, a woman knows she can always count on a man !

16. A beer believes that back seat drivers should offer awestruck praise or shut up.

17. A beer is much cheaper to take on a trip and much quieter too.

18. For example, a beer wouldn’t dream of ruining an otherwise beautiful fishing trip with constant complaints...

A beer would never mind sitting in a boat for six hours with fetid water and bugs everywhere.

A beer would never object to a Quickie in the bottom of the boat.

A beer would believe you if you said no one would notice despite 10 other boats around.

A beer would never point out it has been six hours since you caught your last fish and maybe its quittin’ time.

19. A beer would agree all the whining is the main reason you didn’t catch one stupid fish.

20. On vacations to England, a beer would never waste your time expecting you to visit a decrepit bunch of rocks stacked by Druids.

21. A beer would not ask if you know what Druids are either.

22. You never have to take a beer shopping.

23. A good beer keeps its same wonderful shape for a long time.

24. A beer wouldn't mind sitting home in the refrigerator once in a while if you feel like trying out a new brand of beer.

25. A beer doesn’t care what time you get home.

26. After drinking a beer, the beer may feel empty, but it won’t cry, make you feel guilty, or call its therapist.

27. Everyone knows a beer is a good listener. A man may feel uncomfortable crying in front of a woman, but he can cry in his beer without any trouble.

28. A beer would never dream of reciting word for word every stupid thing a man has no idea he said at a nightclub in another country, possibly another planet, five years earlier, just to win a pointless argument at 4 am in the morning.

29. A beer would never make fun of a man just because he can’t remember what he said five minutes ago, much less five years ago.

30. A good beer doesn’t ask how many other beers there have been.

31. A good beer doesn’t need to be reassured it is tasty.

32. Some beers have long necks. Some beers have big cans. Some beers are light, some are heavy. Beers don’t go around feeling inadequate just because other beers look different or have different flavors.

33. A beer respects a good burp.

34. A beer doesn’t care if you want to sing in public.

35. A beer doesn’t make fun of you if ...

your clothes don’t match... your hair isn’t combed... you forgot to shave... gargle...bathe...or wash the mustard off your shirt before your date.

36. A beer realizes a man is wonderful just the way he is !

37. A beer does not expect you to understand the poetry of Ramakrishna Inna Gadda da Vida. It will shake its little can even if all you want to talk about is the poetry of Big Foot.

38. A beer who loves you would never write something cruel like this :

Pick one : You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

a) A myth b) An oxymoron c) A moron

39. A beer who loves you wouldn’t expect you to understand why some women think the previous multiple choice question is funny nor belittle you for not knowing which is the right answer. Even the scuzziest of beers will loyally stand by its man !

The Beer Drinkers Manifesto.

40. A beer knows that no matter how well women write male bashing jokes, men will blissfully continue to be creeps whenever the mood strikes them. After all, not only have women always chosen men's DNA-donating Daddies, but women have also had the first crack at shaping men's behavior when they were helpless and impressionable. If women haven't succeeded in changing men in 300,000 years since the Stone Age, you would think they would take a step back and see the Big Picture, but no, futile as it may be, they keep hammering away.

A beer-enlightened Man knows we can be bad little boys sometimes, but don't you girls think it's about time to knock off all the complaining and just accept men the way we are ?

You see, when it comes to Men, you Women have no one to blame but yourselves. Women were singing a different tune back in the days when men guarded the caves. Things were so bad it got to the point where the world was down to just a few guys. The Dinosaurs had eaten all the rest of the men and were just licking their chops at the sight of all those plump Cave Babes.

So the women made a deal. They told the tiny band of men they would do all the other work if the men would just concentrate on keeping those damn Dinosaurs out of the caves. At the time it seemed like the men had gotten the raw end of the deal, but as it turned out, the only guys left were indeed a special breed of man. They were known as the Cave Bubbas.

These guys smelled, they farted, they were horny, they were rude, and goodness knows how they loved to fight ! Banding together the Cave Bubbas formed a lean, mean, Dinosaur-killing machine. Unlike all the sweet, sensitive cavemen who sadly had been a little slow and little too tasty, just the sight of the Bubbas repelled the Dinosaurs ! The Big Lizards took one whiff, then ran in terror from the caves. Removed from their most important food source, extinction was just a matter of time.

Having made short work of a nasty job, the Cave Bubbas had little else to do except chase the Cave Babes. It is a scientific marvel to note how similar those Cave Bubbas are to the exquisite Millenium Man of Today !

Well, Ladies, we did our job and now you all you to do is complain how a woman’s work is never done. Well, tough, We ain’t renegotiating. Thanks to us, it's a Man's World and Y’all are stuck with us like it or not.

Stick and Stones may hurt our Bones, but your Bashing will never hurt us. If you think Bashing is so damn effective, why didn't you try talking a little Bash Talk to the Dinosaurs back in Stone Age ?

So go ahead, Girls, Bash away, it won't do you any good. Men are the same today as we were 300,000 years ago. We is what we is and you are lucky to have us. Your Yap Traps woulda been Dino Dinner ages ago if it wasn't for us men ! You think the Pen is mightier than the Sword ? Some bottom-of-the-gene-pool Cave Babe must have thought that one up. Try playing Pen Pals with a Rex some time.

But never fear. We Men are still on duty ! If some freakin' Recombinant-DNA Dinosaur ever comes tromping through your living room, you will be mighty damn glad to have us around ! Just bring us our golf clothes and our power tools, then watch us kick some Dino Butt for old time's sake !

We just hope that Dinosaur can wait till Halftime. Burp.

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