SUBCHAPTER 066 - IQBAL NAGJI

Is it possible for me to write a story about someone who never caused a bit trouble?  I don't know.  Sounds like a real challenge, but I will try anyway. 

Although Iqbal is Indian by heritage, he was born and raised in Tanzania.  I learned early in my relationship with Iqbal not to tease him.  He does not react like most people.  For example, after he told me where he was from, I replied, "Oh, sure, I've heard of Tanzania.  It's in Africa, right?  It got its name from Tarzan, you know, Tarzania."

To be polite, Iqbal smiled faintly, then replied.

"Due to the diminishing influence of European Colonialism, recent history of Africa has witnessed many name changes.  As various nations receive their independence, now you see a name, now you don't.  For example, within my lifetime, nearby Rhodesia became Zambia and Zimbabwe.  Nyasaland became Malawi.  Upper Volta became Burkina Faso.  Congo became Zaire, then back to Congo.  There were other changes as well, but you get the idea.

My country was once known as Tanganyika from Swahili, our native language.  'Tanga' means 'sail' and 'Nyika' is our word for wilderness, an uninhabited plain.   When I was a teenager, my country merged with a prosperous island off our coast known as Zanzibar.  "Tanzania" was adopted as a way to combine the names of Tanganyika and Zanzibar."

More than slightly embarrassed by my ignorance, I asked, "So, can I at least assume Tarzan visited Tanzania?"

"Perhaps, but unlikely.  Tarzan is associated with West Africa in the jungle regions of the Congo River.  Tanzania is a country of wide, sprawling plains in East Africa.  Tarzan would have trouble finding vines to swing on. 

You would like Tanzania.  Relative to other African nations, Tanzania has good education and a high standard of living.  We are home to Lake Victoria and Mount Kilimanjaro.  As a coastal nation, direct contact with Asian countries has enriched our history.  We are visited regularly by Westerners.  Due to our wide plains and abundance of wildlife, Tanzania is popular location for safaris.  "

I was speechless.  I had just learned more about Tanzania in two minutes than I had learned in 50 years.  "You should be a teacher, Iqbal."

"Perhaps in a previous lifetime.  At the moment I am an architect by profession."

And that, my friends, was my introduction to Iqbal.  As one might guess, in future conversations I was more circumspect. 

Iqbal did me a very nice favor on the 2001 Cruise to Vera Cruz.  This was the trip where Marla and I fell in love.  Day One and Day Two of our new romance had been conducted completely out of sight.  Both days had been marked by much confusion, much hope, much doubt, and much anxiety.  Thanks to long conversations deep into the night, we finally worked it all out. 

Day Three was sweet.  We kept to ourselves during a long walk through Vera Cruz.  However, by the time dinner was over, we were exhausted.  I was scheduled to be the DJ for a big dance party on Night Three.  Unfortunately, due to very little sleep, I was dragging badly.  When Marla and I showed up 5 minutes late, we were in for a big surprise. 

We had 100 guests on board and every one of them was waiting for us in the dance room.  As we walked in, everyone became very quiet. 

Who is this woman Rick has walked in with? 

I had not given it any thought, but I imagine only three or four people in the room knew Marla from the studio.  To the rest, Marla was a complete stranger.  Everyone was shocked.  Where did this woman come from? 

Forgive my immodesty, but the topic of my love life was a source of much gossip and great amusement back in those days.  Every since my divorce earlier in the year, there had been much speculation about who would eventually win my heart.  So far I had been a great disappointment.  Here we were eight months into 2001 and I had not been linked to anyone.  Consequently the sight of me walking hand in hand with this total stranger took the entire room completely off guard.  Who is this mystery woman? 

Marla was very taken aback.  I had tried to explain to her why I was so secretive when we first connected on Night One.  However, I don't think she truly understood until now.  Most of the faces were blank and non-committal, but some of these people actually stared at Marla with suspicion.

Marla had not expected to be met by a sea of frowns.  She immediately squeezed my hand for reassurance.  Seeing how intimidated she was, I was grateful when three people came forward to greet us with warmth... Jill the Thrill, Martin who had once given Marla a Salsa lesson, and Iqbal. 

I quickly got the music started as a way to ease the tension.  I introduced Marla to several people and then a good song came on.  Marla asked me to dance, but I was so tired I did not do very well.  It was an effort just to stand up.  Seeing that I was staggering, Iqbal came over with a suggestion.

"Rick, why don't you take the night off?"

"But what about the party?

"These people know how to dance.  They'll do just fine without you."

"What about my boom box?  I can't leave it here."

"Don't worry about your music system.  When the party is over, I will take it to my room.  It will be safe there and you can pick it up tomorrow.  Go.  Leave!"

I don't know if Iqbal ever realized how much I appreciated his kind gesture.  I was very grateful!

When it came time for our next cruise in 2002, this time Marla was no longer a stranger or a secret.  Marla was joined on the trip by many close friends she had made at the studio.  This was our first trip aboard the Royal Caribbean Rhapsody, a ship that would become dear to our hearts. 

Iqbal came to the studio sometime around 1998.  Due to my marital problems, I kept distance from my students in those days.  So far I had made no effort to get to know Iqbal.  That said, I was impressed with his concentration.  A quiet, reserved man, Iqbal said little in dance class.  Unlike many students who were more interested in the cutest girl or best-looking guy, Iqbal preferred to pay attention to my instruction.  In addition, he rarely took a month off from dance lessons. Dancing was his passion.  Over time Iqbal had become a very good dancer, very gentle, very smooth.

Unlike George who was constantly on the lookout for the nearest camera, Iqbal was self-contained.  That said, without even trying, Iqbal ended up in more cruise pictures than George.  So you ask how this is possible.  How could Iqbal possibly beat a publicity hound like George?  After all, Iqbal never misbehaved and he avoided drawing attention to himself. 

Well, basically Iqbal cheated.  He went on more cruises than George did.  Not only that, Iqbal had a secret: he danced with more women than George did.  Iqbal wasn't the talkative type like George, but it didn't matter.  While George stuck to the Hot Tub, Iqbal made a curious discovery... the ladies on our trips really liked to dance!  Imagine that.  Iqbal was never lonely.

Jubilee 2003 was the first cruise Marla organized.  She did a great job of promoting the trip.  By scheduling a short trip over the July 4th Holiday, the underpriced trip was enticing and the timing was perfect.  Marla was rewarded with 144 passengers.  It was an amazing accomplishment. 

However, Marla did make one mistake: she picked the worst ship in the Carnival fleet.  I hate to say it, but we got what we paid for.  Not only was the air conditioner broken in the dance room, there was one very bizarre incident.  At dinnertime on the final night of the trip, the ship started to roll to the port side. We were used to this. The ship often rolled back and forth during dance lessons.  The men didn't mind since beautiful women were constantly stumbling into their arms.  However this time the ship rolled far more than usual and then the ship stopped in this position!  Shocked, we had to lean forward in our chairs to stay upright.  The dining room looked like one of those crazy fun houses where everything is crooked.

20 seconds, 40 seconds... we all started to worry when the ship did not automatically correct its roll. I stared at Marlon, our waiter, for reassurance.  I began to worry when I saw him grip the side of the railing with his face white.  Would the ship correct itself or would the problem get worse?  Was it time to head for the life boats?  The entire room was absolutely silent.

After a minute the ship slowly climbed back to an upright position.  But before we could relax, seconds later the ship rolled back and stopped in the same bizarre position!!  Now we were definitely worried.  No one moved.  No one talked.  We just sat there thinking about the Poseidon Adventure.  Iqbal pointed to my glass of water which was 15 degrees out of balance.  Iqbal smiled.  "Rick, can you swim?"  I was in shock.  Did Iqbal just tell a joke? 

I have a secret to share... I am loner by nature.  Marla was very surprised to learn I tended to avoid talking to the guests on cruise trips except at the scheduled times such as dinner and dance parties.  The rest of the time I would hide in my cabin and play computer chess or read a book.  Since the group for the 2004 Mardi Gras cruise was small, Marla put her foot down and told me to try talking to some of the guests for a change. 

I chose two people.  One was George, the other was Iqbal.  So I tried to get to know Iqbal better.  A funny thing happened as we wandered down Bourbon Street.  All these crazy people were up on balconies throwing beads to the throngs of revelers below.  George... of course... proved to be terrific at grabbing the beads.  He quickly had more beads than anyone else.

Me?  I was terrible.  I don't know why, but I just couldn't get the knack of it.  This bothered me no end because I didn't want George to beat me.  So I became a bottom-feeder.  George teased me no end for picking beads up off the ground.  What else was I supposed to do?  For one thing, no one threw any beads to me.  Guess who they were throwing them to?  Yeah, George!  He somehow wormed his way in front, then turned on that big smile.  Once the girls above saw how beautiful he was, they rained beads down on him. 

I was standing behind at least four rows.  No one could even see me. Beads that missed their target were constantly landing on the ground, so I swallowed my pride and went over to retrieve them.  Then I noticed that Iqbal had twice as many beads as me.  Iqbal had noticed the bead throwers delighted in hitting far-off targets.  However, because they aimed at tough targets to hit, they constantly overthrew their targets.   Frequently the beads would fly over the target person and glance off the wall behind us.  Iqbal saw this and stood in the back.  He caught many of these near-misses on the fly. But if he missed, all he had to do was turn around and pick them up on the sidewalk behind him.  Iqbal could have easily surpassed George, but he gave most of his beads back to the disappointed people who were the intended targets.  I was stunned at his generosity.  Finders Keepers was my motto.  Not Iqbal.  He was not at all acquisitive.  Not only was he smarter than me, I was dealing with a better man.  This was a humbling experience. 

Just my luck, I was humbled again.  After Mardi Gras, our cruise ship headed to Cozumel.  As we pulled into port, Iqbal was standing beside me on the highest deck.  Looking down, I wondered aloud why all the trees in the Cozumel jungle were smaller than the buildings.  In the part of Houston I lived in, the trees were taller than the houses.  So I turned to Iqbal and commented, "I wonder why those trees are so stunted.

Iqbal smiled.  "If you recall, this area is known as Hurricane Alley.  Once every five years or so a hurricane comes through and hits Puerto Rico, Haiti, Jamaica, Cayman Islands and Cozumel one at a time.  My guess is the tallest trees get knocked down like bowling pins."

One year later, a hurricane hit Cozumel and I learned Iqbal's suggestion was right on the money.  Remind me not to ask Iqbal any more questions. 

I rarely saw Iqbal on the Wedding Cruise.  I found this kind of odd since this was the busiest cruise in memory.  I had wanted to invite Iqbal to my wedding.  Unfortunately we were limited to 30 guests, no exceptions.  When Marla's brother and wife decided to fly in from San Diego, we had 31 on our list.  Everyone else was a couple, so Iqbal became the odd man out. 

When the trip was over, I noticed that Iqbal had appeared in very few pictures.  Wondering if I had made a mistake, I reviewed the activities.  Iqbal was rarely seen, probably because he does not drink.  That eliminated the Champagne Party, Key West, and the Gatorade Hot Tub. 

So what did Iqbal do?  The only pictures showed him dancing.  That was a good clue, so I asked Gary Windjammer if Iqbal was part of the Late Night Dance Club.  Gary said yes, of course.  "Iqbal has a kind heart.  He was wonderful because he danced with all the women, especially the women who weren't getting asked as often as the superior dancers."

"So why don't I ever see Iqbal during the day?"

"Iqbal said he is night owl.  He likes to dance till the wee hours, then sleep late in the morning."  

"So why don't I see him in the Windjammer like the Usual Suspects?"

"Because he is quiet and leaves immediately."

I had my answer.  Iqbal danced to the tune of a different drummer.

The 2005 Cruise to Alaska was beyond wonderful.  The beauty of Alaska is breath-taking to say the least. 

This was a special trip for Marla.  She gambled that our Travel group had grown to the point that it could sustain two trips a year, one dance cruise and one adventure cruise.  Considering we had 73 friends aboard, Marla's gamble paid off in a big way.  She received many compliments for a great trip.  Marla was turning out to be a true gift as our Travel Guide. 

Iqbal was quiet by nature, but not unfriendly.  Although he rarely initiated a conversation, he was always a fountain of information if you asked him a question.  I was starting to catch on that Iqbal was fairly brilliant.  Not just that, he was very modest about it.  My respect for him continued to grow.

Iqbal had taken my dance classes non-stop for somewhere around five years.  He had long ago taken every class the dance studio had to offer, so at this point he was repeating classes at half-price.  One day I asked him if he was still learning anything new about dance.

Iqbal smiled and said, "Yes, of course, I am always learning something new.  Dancing is my hobby and my passion.  In addition to that, your studio is my home away from home.  Taking your classes is a nice way to see all the friends I have here at your studio at least once a week.  These people have become my family.  I take a class, I see my friends, I get to dance.  How wonderful is that?  I appreciate what you have created here."

This was the trip were I first began to realize there really is something to this 'Love Boat' stuff.  One night a young couple named Kevin and Michelle announced their engagement at dinner.  They started a romantic avalanche.  Immediately after the trip ended, one couple after another made trips down the wedding aisle.  In August, one month after the trip, CA and Kathy got married.  In October, Linda and Bill got married.  In December, , Sally and Jeff got married.  On New Year's Eve, Sherilyn and John got married.  To top it off, Kevin Michelle got married soon after.  Five couples in a row!

In addition, there were four couples on the trip who had met at SSQQ.  They were in the exploratory stages of their own relationship and this cruise was helping to nudge them closer to the Big Moment. Plus there were birds and bees aboard - two new couples "connected" on this trip.  That makes ELEVEN SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance couples on one trip. Amazing.  When you throw in Rick and Marla, that makes a Cupid's Dozen.

A cruise trip is like an intense couples workshop.  Two people have seven solid days to explore a relationship and see if they are compatible.  If two people want to learn if they have a chance, they will definitely find out one way the other on an ocean voyage.  Welcome to the SSQQ "Love Boat" Era.

However, Iqbal was mysteriously immune to the Love Boat virus.  When I asked, he said, "I love women, but I also love to be alone."

So far Marla had been truly blessed with her Travel Program.  Mind you, this was not her full-time job.  She did this part-time because she loved to travel so much.  Nevertheless Marla was developing a real following.  Marla was organized, she paid attention to detail, she was knowledgeable, and people recognized she was a straight shooter.  Marla would never stretch things to get a sale and her customers appreciated that.  Due to her reputation for integrity, everyone trusted her implicitly.  This is why her business grew. 

Unfortunately, Marla's excellent run of success ran into a giant snag in 2005.  A giant hurricane was headed straight at Houston.  Rita was advertised as the most dangerous hurricane in U.S. history and Houston was the bulls eye.  By coincidence, Katrina, another hurricane advertised as the worst ever, had hit New Orleans just two months earlier.  Shaken by the devastation suffered in New Orleans, there was wide-spread panic here in Houston as Rita approached.  The result was the worst traffic jam in history. 

Marla's trip was directly affected since Rita was scheduled to hit on the exact day we were supposed to leave nearby Galveston on our annual dance cruise.  Marla lost 50 people who canceled the trip out of caution. 

Ironically, the hurricane turned at the last minute and missed Houston completely.  A little wind, a little rain, and no damage.  I recall being forced to pick up a lawn chair that had been blown over.  The 85 people who gambled and stuck around were rewarded with a wonderful trip.  The Rhapsody was so empty due to tons of cancellations, the SSQQ group was by far the dominant group on the trip.  Not only did we have a ball, we loved rubbing it in with the scaredy cats when we got home. 

After the bad break in 2005, Marla's next dance cruise bounced back in a big way.  The people who had canceled at the last minute in 2005 were supremely irritated to discover the brave ones had the ship to themselves.  Consequently they were determined to make up for lost time on the 2006 Rhapsody Cruise.  It was by far the most successful dance cruise to date.

Marla was mad.  Where is Iqbal?  Iqbal had become such a fixture on our cruises that Marla had very become very fond of him.  So one day she started looking.  No, Iqbal is not in the Windjammer Cafe.  No, Iqbal is not in the Hot Tub.  No, Iqbal is not at Champagne Night.  Too bad, Marla missed him at the Jigsaw Puzzle get-together.  No, Iqbal is not at Senor Frog's in Cozumel.  No, Iqbal skipped dinner.  No, Iqbal skipped our Formal Night photo op.  No, Iqbal doesn't gamble.  That darn Iqbal is MIA!

So where is that man?  I explained to Marla that Iqbal likes to dance till 2 am upstairs in the Lounge, then sleep till noon or 1 pm the next day.  If Marla wants to dance with Iqbal, why not track him down at Midnight?

That is exactly what Marla did.  And there is Iqbal!  To her surprise, the Lounge was very crowded.  Marla realized for the first time that Gary Windjammer's Late Night Dancing was a very big deal on her dance cruises. 

She also discovered Iqbal's secret... he would dance a while, take a nap right there in the Lounge, then get back up and dance some more.  Very clever.

Marla's trip to Hawaii was a smash hit.  Everything they say about Hawaii is true.  It is pure Paradise.  The temperature is perfect.  The thermostat is permanently set on 72 degrees.... outdoors as well as indoors.  And no bugs! 

I have never seen so many waterfalls in all my life.  There are beaches galore, most of them uncrowded.   There's mountains, canyons, cliffs, volcanoes, and rainforests galore.  What a beautiful place.

Continuing the Love Boat theme, there were a dozen couples on this trip who had met through SSQQ on land or at sea.  For example, Gary Schweinle, better known as Mr. Hat, had proposed to his fiancée Tracy on their previous cruise trip.  Gina Lollobridgida was using this trip as her honeymoon with her husband Mike.  As they say, Love is in the Air.  Or, more specifically, Love is on the Water.  Clearly a trip to Hawaii was overwhelmingly romantic.

The SSQQ Love Boat Era was special because our dance students were getting married right and left.  We were currently averaging 15 marriages per year.  Not a month went by without another wedding and another engagement announcement.  Marla's Travel Program was amazing.  Two people would meet at SSQQ on land, then use our ocean voyage to learn more.  In all those years, I can think of only two couples who broke up.  There were of dozens of others who went the distance.  SSQQ was the finest marriage factory ever created. 

Everyone was worried.  For some mysterious reason, our beloved Rhapsody had moved away from Galveston to some unknown location overseas.  Surely Royal Caribbean was going to upgrade with an even better ship, right?  No.  Royal Caribbean completely left the Texas market.  That meant doom because now Carnival was the only game in town.  We hated Carnival!

Iqbal was depressed.  He bemoaned the loss of the fabulous Shall We Dance Lounge complete with the finest dance floor he had ever seen.  Gary Windjammer was depressed.  He was certain there would never be another Windjammer Cafe like the one we had on the Rhapsody.  I was depressed.  Marla was depressed.  In fact, everyone was depressed.  There would never be another ship like the Rhapsody.  And you know what?  We were right.  The Rhapsody had the finest dance floor of any ship I have ever been on. 

Fortunately, the Carnival Conquest turned out to be a fairly good replacement.  For one thing, the Hot Tub was larger.  Mr. Handsome, the Great Gabino and Phyllis Troublemaker were thrilled.  This meant more room for Hot Tub Stuffing!  Life is good.  And the dance venues were adequate.

To Iqbal's delight, there was a secret Cigar Lounge complete with dance floor for Midnight dancing.  To Gary Windjammer's delight, there an upstairs floor in the morning dining area that was completely deserted.  Gary had an entire floor all to himself!!  This area became known as the SSQQ Clubhouse.  During the daylight hours, this area was always crowded.  Gary was happy.  There were three times as many people to keep him company.  The result was the powerful sense of Family and Community we had ever experienced.

The 2008 Cruise to the Eastern Mediterranean was Marla's finest moment to date.  It was only natural that the first four cruises she organized stuck to home.  After all, the SSQQ dancers considered the Gulf of Mexico our very own private swimming pool.  Marla's strategy of dancing, hot tub stuffing, and the popular Clubhouse had proven to be an unbeatable combination. 

During Marla's early cruise trips, three very special things took place.  One, over time the repeat customers had developed a deep fondness for Travel.  Iqbal was the perfect example.  Two, the repeat customers developed a deep respect for Marla's expertise.  Three, these people had turned into a Floating Family.  The upshot was that our Travel Family started asking about bigger, bolder, more expensive cruise trips.  Marla was happy to oblige.  Her trips to Mardi Gras, Alaska and Hawaii had been slam dunk successes. 

I was impressed with Marla's patience.  With each new cruise, Marla elevated her program one step higher.  Nothing too daring, just one logical step up at a time.  It was a smart, conservative strategy.  That set the stage for Marla's boldest destination trip of all.  Hey, Everyone, let's go to Europe!!  Mind you, this was a very expensive trip, but Marla had developed such a wide fan base, she found 50 people willing to hop on board.

At that point, Marla handed the reins to Iqbal who promptly put our entire group on his back.  Iqbal single-handedly made our trip to the Mediterranean an amazing experience.  Greece was Iqbal's old stomping ground.  He had studied architecture in Athens and spent a great deal of time exploring Turkey as well.  He proceeded to share his knowledge with us all.

I was intimidated by Athens the moment I spotted it from our cruise ship.  Let me tell you something - Athens is a vast city!  The city is so huge from a distance it looks like it might be 40 miles wide.  I never gave it much thought, but Houston, Texas, is definitely 40 miles wide.  The difference is that you can't see Houston, but from highest deck of a cruise ship, you can see the entire vista of Athens at once.  I was so lost I had an attack of vertigo.  I got the same feeling again when we climbed to the top of the Acropolis.  I could see the entire city stretch for miles in every direction.

Have you ever heard the expression, "It's all Greek to me"?  During my visit to Athens I did not require an explanation of this phrase.  It made complete sense to me.  Unlike Rome, very few people spoke English.  Every sign was in Greek.  Every map was in Greek.  The Greek taxi drivers were no help.  They pretended to speak no English.  This allowed them to use our confusion and inability to communicate as an excuse to overcharge at every turn.  The city was vast and difficult to fathom.   I felt completely and utterly lost.

Unbeknownst to me, Iqbal knew this and intended to come to our rescue.  Iqbal offered to personally escort us through Athens.  Half the group had already decided to take a paid excursion, so they said no thanks.  The other half decided to trust Iqbal to lead us through the Athenian Labyrinth.  We had no idea what to expect, but if there was one person who was universally respected, that would be Iqbal.

So naturally things went wrong immediately.  The taxi drivers worked as a unit.  They each demanded 25 Euros ($50 US) for a 10-minute drive to the Acropolis even though the sign in the cruise ship parking lot specifically stated 8 Euros.  This was Greek for highway robbery.  Iqbal smiled.  "Calm down, everybody, I've got you covered.  We will take the bus instead."

Realizing how expensive it would be for us to use taxis, Iqbal led our entire group of 22 over to a bus stop.  We all looked at each other.  Since every single sign was in Greek, none of us would have had a clue where the bus stop was or which bus to take.  Iqbal had gotten us this far, so we placed our trust in him.  Iqbal personally paid for every ticket, a kind gesture.  After a quick bus ride, he told us to get off at the Metro subway station.  We would have never found this well-disguised Metro station in a million years.  It was at least a mile from the ship and virtually unrecognizable unless you already knew where you were going.  Impressed that Iqbal knew exactly where it was, we entrusted our lives to him and played Follow the Leader.

Once we got off the first Metro train, Iqbal discovered there was a problem. Something was wrong. There were two lines, but only one was working. Apparently half the Metro workers were on strike that day till 9 am.  This made little sense to me.  Who on earth goes on strike for a couple of hours, then comes to work?  And why did one half strike but not the other?  Like I said, it was all Greek to me.  I hate being out of control, but I had no choice.  I was utterly and totally lost.  Iqbal said that one of the two Metro lines would not be in service till 9 am. This meant we could not reach the closest exit to the Acropolis.  Since it was only 8:15 AM, Iqbal got us back on the Metro and took us in another direction to an exit close enough to the Acropolis for us to walk.  This clever move saved us at least an hour.   

As I followed Iqbal around like a puppy dog, I wondered how he figured out what the problem was.  Since he didn't speak Greek, how did he know what to do?  How Iqbal could decipher that complicated train system was more than I could ever understand.  That is when Iqbal reminded me he had lived in Athens for several years.  When we got off the subway Metro, Iqbal led us through a twisting, winding maze of narrow streets and alleys.  I kept expecting the Minotaur to leap out and eat one of us for breakfast.  Suddenly out of nowhere we turned a corner and there was the Acropolis!  Wow!  Iqbal had successfully guided us to our destination!  We were thrilled.

Today I got a question answered.  What is the Parthenon and what is the Acropolis?  The Acropolis is a giant hill in the center of Athens.  It rises so high that it was natural to build a fortress known as the Parthenon up there.  For the next hour or so, our group wandered around the Parthenon taking pictures galore.  We had a lot of freedom to move around because Iqbal's ingenuity had allowed us to beat every single Cruise tour to the punch.  We were the first tourists of the day!  Or at least we thought so. 

We ran into six people from our cruise group who had gotten there ahead of us.  They preferred not to wait, so they had paid the ridiculous $50 cab fare at the pier instead.  It was worth it to them to get here quickly.   Thanks to Iqbal, every person in our group had gotten the Acropolis for the cost of 1 Euro (two dollars).  Even better, since the subway doesn't have to deal with stop lights and traffic, we were only 10 minutes behind the taxi people.  For those who were short on cash, we were beyond grateful.

Our trip did not end at the Acropolis.  Iqbal patiently led us through the winding streets of Athens all day long.  He took us to the Temple of Zeus, he took us to see the changing of the guard at the government building, he found a great spot for lunch, he took us to the National Museum, and we finished the day shopping for souvenirs.  Iqbal knew exactly when to leave.  He got us home with minutes to spare.  Iqbal was the perfect tour guide!

The National Museum was one of our highlights.  However I was squeamish to notice the care with which my 17-year old daughter Sam inspected each naked statue.  Gee whiz!  In one hour, Sam probably saw more nudity at this museum than she had in her entire 13 years of private Catholic girl's school education!  I had to go to another room just to stop squirming.

When I got the courage to return, I noticed Iqbal was patiently explaining some of the history about a statue of Eros and Aphrodite to my daughter.  Despite my nudity misgivings, I was secretly pleased at how interested Sam was in Iqbal's explanation.  He was constantly sharing his knowledge.  In fact, I bet he knew more than any Greek tour guide.  How lucky were we?  Iqbal had given up an entire day of his own vacation to help us negotiate the confusing streets of Athens.  I was not the only one grateful for his unselfish gesture.  We all acknowledged how fortunate we were for Iqbal's kindness!

As we walked the streets of Athens, a lady named Jackie took me aside to thank me for organizing the trip.  I quickly explained to Jackie that Marla had done all the work.  Jackie smiled and nodded she understood that, but Marla was busy and she had something to tell me.  Jackie said she signed up for this trip by herself.  She said that she had wanted to visit this area of the world for a long time, but didn't have anyone presently in her life to accompany her.  She said Marla's trip was literally the answer to her prayer.  Even though Jackie didn't know a soul prior to the trip, the people in our group had been so kind to her, especially this nice Iqbal person.  Jackie wanted to express her gratitude that a single lady from the other side of the planet could feel so completely safe in such a confusing environment.  Thanks to Marla, thanks to Iqbal, thanks to the group, Jackie felt totally secure as she fulfilled a lifelong dream.

I estimate Iqbal saved us somewhere between $150-$200 if we had paid the cruise ship for an equivalent tour.  Not only did Iqbal save each person a tremendous amount of money, but, like Jackie said, he made us feel secure.  We were able to enjoy Athens so much more knowing that we had someone who could get us back to the ship on time.  Iqbal's knowledge allowed us to squeeze every last precious moment out of our trip to Athens.  Without him, I suppose most of us would have returned one hour, two hours earlier due to our inexperience.  Iqbal was wonderful. 

Marla was wonderful too.  When we got back to the ship, I wasted no time telling her what Jackie had said.  Marla is often the unsung hero.  People sing her praises to me all the time, but hesitate to say these same things to Marla directly because they don't know her that well.  That is why I made sure to pass on Jackie's compliment.  First I thanked Marla from the bottom of my heart for broadening my horizons.  Then I pointed out how close knit this group had become.   Here in this foreign land, we had formed a powerful bond.    Not only did we have great fun together, we all looked out for each other.  We were not 50 individuals, we were a Travel Community.

On the day after Athens, Iqbal hired a bus driven by a personal friend of his.  In addition to seeing the fabulous Roman ruins at Ephesus, our tour included a free lunch at a Turkish rug factory.  However, there is no such thing as a free lunch.  Afterwards we were subjected to the most thorough sales pitch I have ever encountered to buy a rug.  Nevertheless, we had a great time.

In particular, we were deeply grateful to Iqbal.  He made this one of the greatest trips we had ever been on.  

Life is a rollercoaster.  Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down.  Shortly after cruise to Greece, the best trip I ever had, then came the worst.   The 2008 Dance Cruise was a truly lousy trip.  Or at least Marla and I thought so.  In our minds, everything that could go wrong did go wrong.  As leaders of the trip, Marla and I felt responsible.  For the most part our guests had a good time, but I sure didn't.  I was so angry that I wanted to strangle certain people. 

I blame myself a lot.  I think my mistake was pushing the 'Club Med' aspect of the dance cruise more than I should have.  I hate to admit this, but my tongue-in-cheek sales pitch of hot tub orgies attracted people who thought I was serious.  These people really did turn the hot tub into an orgy. 

Where do I start?  There was far too much drinking in the hot tub.  This led to serious problems.  One woman decided to entertain the hot tub crowd with her pole dancing.  A group of men got so drunk in the hot tub they either pulled a woman's top off or came close.  I never quite got the full story.  One lecher grabbed the inside of a married woman's thigh as she got in the hot tub.  She immediately got right back out.  One woman was so disgusted by the raunchy activity she flew home in the middle of the trip. 

Bad enough?  Hey, I'm just getting started!  This trip marked the five worst people I encountered in twenty years of cruise trips.  ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

One story involved Casey Casanova, a lover boy who was not a member of our group.  He crashed one event after another.  I asked him not to, but he did it anyway.  Then he sued me.  It cost me $5,000 to defend myself.

One newcomer, Cruella de Ville, had a serious drinking problem.  There were free drinks at the Captain's Reception.  The waiters roamed the room serving drinks to anyone and everyone.  Cruella would grab a drink, slug it down, then try to catch the same waiter for a second one.  When there was no nearby waiter, Cruella was so desperate, she crowded the door where the waiters came and went.  Like a bear gobbling down salmon, Cruella plucked one drink after another from the assembly line.  Cruella was in a hurry.  Chug chug chug, she guzzled down one after another.  She was so determined to get as many drinks as possible that she blocked access for the waiters!  I had no idea this woman was with our group, but she was causing such a problem that I could not help but be appalled by her behavior. 

Totally inebriated, Cruella lost it when a waiter politely asked her to move just a little bit so he could get around her.  Cruella became unbelievably abusive.  The venom and filth that spewed from her mouth played like the scene from the Exorcist where the Devil speaks through the kid.  Hmm.  Now that I think of it, maybe Cruella was possessed.  That would explain a lot.  I watched the whole thing unfold in open-mouthed horror.  One by one, these poor waiters were forced to detour ten feet to pick up their drink trays.  No one enjoys seeing someone abuse the wait staff.  These are people who can't fight back.  I have never hit a woman, but I admit I was so mad I felt like slapping her silly.  If I had known she belonged to our group, I would have interceded.  Fortunately a security guard came over to deal with her.

I was mortified at my thoughts of violence.  Of course I wasn't going to hit her, but how did I ever sink so low to even have the fantasy?  Later when I discovered the awful truth that she was a member of our group, I was ashamed to be associated with her.  This woman made sure to chew out the waiters at our dinner table too.  That's how she got her kicks.  Thanks to me, this black hole of misery was on board this ship.  My guilt knew no limits.

As if Casanova and Cruella were not enough, there was Snidely Whiplash.  Snidely was the single most obnoxious man to ever sail with us.  Snidely was so rude he informed the people at his dinner table that he would be switching to another table the following night  Since these people were too boring, Snidely preferred to sit with interesting, stimulating people like himself!  What kind of man in his right mind is this rude?  Why would he announce his insulting attitude to the general public? 

One night a woman walked off the floor right in the middle of a dance with Snidely.  I did not see it happen, but the incident was widely observed.  Snidely had been heard to comment that he only danced with good dancers, so I assumed this jerk had insulted her in some way.

One night Snidely sprinted to beat a lady for the last chair at a table.  It happened during a late-night pizza session for a group of SSQQ dancers.  Snidely noticed he had competition for the final chair, but get this.  The woman he beat was had a tray of pizza in one hand and a drink in the other.  Now the woman had no place to sit, so she stood there awkwardly.  Shocked by Snidely's rudeness, a gentlemen at the table was kind enough to give her his chair, then left.  Meanwhile the rest stared at Snidely in disbelief.

Snidely was the man who did not bother to pay for a cab in Cozumel.  He left the others to pick up his share of the tab.  Marla already knew Snidely was cheap.  She had quoted him a price for the trip based on Carnival's prevailing rate.  The next day when he decided to go, the rate had increased $20.  Accusing Marla of bait and switch, Snidely insisted Marla sell him the trip for the price she quoted.  Rather than argue, Marla gave in and paid the difference.  Personally, I would have told him to take a hike, but Marla is nicer than me.

Snidely cemented his reputation as a complete jerk in the ship's hair salon.  There was a long line of people waiting to get their hair cut. When Snidely discovered the Filipino lady wasn't going to blow dry his hair for him..."I'm sorry, sir, but there are many people waiting!"... he threw a temper tantrum.  Raising his voice, he publicly shamed the hairdresser who then burst into tears.  To appease him, she got out her hair dryer, weeping the entire time.  Every person in the room was frozen in shock.  Yes, he got his hair dried, but was it really that important?  Five minutes in the sun would have dried his short hair naturally.  Jessie, a friend of mine, witnessed the whole thing.

So you ask how did Snidely keep from getting thrown overboard?  Divide and conquer.  Considering we had 144 guests aboard, every time Snidely wore out his welcome, he drifted to another segment of our group who had no idea this was the guy everyone was talking about.  For example, Jessie had no idea who Snidely was.  After everyone began to compare notes, Jessie was completely ashamed to realize Mr. Blow Dry was part of our group.  

Destructo and Oblivion were cruisers from hell.  During our annual Champagne Party, these women did something so totally senseless that I became angrier than any other time in all our previous cruise trips. 

We had a record number of people in attendance for the 2008 Champagne Party.  There were easily 50 or 60 bottles lining the bar where people set them on the counter top.  The party was going well.  I got the dancing started and did not sit out one song.  I was in a great mood until something in the back of my mind began bothering me.  It seemed odd that the popping sound of the champagne bottle corks was loud enough to be heard over the music.  And why were the popping sounds so frequent?  Dismissing it as some enthusiastic drinking, I failed to check the noise out. 

Marla was talking to Gary Richardson who was DJing the music.  As they chatted, Marla looked up and noticed that Destructo had a crazed look on her face as she pried off a bottle cork.  Marla turned white when she saw Destructo accidentally aim her bottle directly at a TV video monitor! 

Marla screamed, "Be careful!  Watch what you doing!"

Destructo heard Marla just in time to change the direction of her weapon.  However, she let the cork explode in another direction and made no attempt to control the cork explosion.  Inevitably champagne spewed out and spilled all over the floor.  Marla rolled her eyes in disgust, but blew it off and resumed talking with Gary.

Five minutes later a man came and got Marla.  The man said that Destructo and her girlfriend Oblivion were firing corks into the low metal ceiling above the bar and laughing about it.  When man pointed to several small dents in the ceiling, Marla freaked out and made a beeline to come get me.  I was dancing my friend Phyllis Sullivan at the time. 

"What's the matter?" I asked.  Marla said she couldn't explain, but come quick, there's an emergency.  An emergency?  How do you have an emergency at a cocktail party?  Marla grabbed my hand and dragged me to the bar.  I was stunned to see two women furiously working the corks off the bottles.  Drunk out of their minds, they were laughing hysterically.  I watched in horror as they made no attempt to control the cork on their latest two bottles.  I should know since one cork flew right past me.  As the champagne spilled out, the women sucked up as much liquid as they could before letting the rest of the overflow spill to the floor.  I was in shock.  Now I understood why my valuable suede dance shoes were sticking to the floor.  Sure enough, the floor was covered with champagne overflow.  Frowning, I noticed 15 open bottles, all of which were half-full.  This was the handiwork of Destructo and Oblivion.  They would drink half of each bottle, then set it on the bar.  It never dawned on them they were spreading their germs onto every bottle.  Plus the waste of good champagne was shameful. 

I was facing a mess of sticky liquid on the floor and a vast array of half-drunk bottles stacked on the bar.  Since some bottles had fallen over as well as some champagne glasses, a veritable Niagara Falls of champagne was dripping on the floor.  I looked for napkins, but they were all soaking wet.  The bar area looked like a frat party gone mad.  Then Marla pointed to the ceiling.  My mouth dropped open in shock.  The metal paneling above was riddled with pockmarks!  There were three small dents in the thin metal ceiling!  These unbelievable women girls had made themselves a danger to guests, TV screens and other property by randomly shooting corks anywhere they pleased.  This was ridiculous!

As Marla explained what she had seen, I noticed Destructo and Oblivion seize two unopened bottles.  I had seen enough.  "STOP IT!" I hollered from seven feet away.  I was stunned when they ignored me.  They kept going and acted like they did not hear me.  I said it again, then a third time, but they just kept trying to wrench the corks loose.  Like a kid having way too much fun stomping on ants, they could not control themselves.  Laughing their heads off like insane people, they were determined to pop more corks.

Enough is enough!  I grabbed Destructo's wrist with one hand and ripped the bottle out of her hand with the other.  I wasn't gentle.  My Cruella-Casanova-Snidely urge to violence had returned in full force.  Destructo was stunned at the degree of my temper.  Then I took one look at Oblivion.  She had seen what happened to Destructo, so she got the message a lot quicker.  Oblivion quickly placed her half-opened bottle back on the counter top.  Then I pointed my finger to the door and ordered them to go.

"Get out of here!  I don't want to see you two anywhere near these bottles for the rest of the night!"

Like a confused child, Oblivion asked why she had to stop.  I wasn't in the mood.  "Get the hell out of here!" I screamed.  I was shaking with anger at her defiance.  The absolute stupidity of these two women was beyond comprehension.  They were totally out of control. 
The Champagne Party continued, but there was no more dancing for me.  First of all, my shoes were ruined.  Plus I had to clean this mess up before the Carnival cleaning staff showed up and reported what had happened to their supervisor.  I gathered the remaining unopened bottles and moved them next to Gary in case Destructo tried to sneak back.  Then I found a trash can and started to clean up the incredible mess.  While I worked, two guests came over to complain.  They had been both been struck by the flying corks, one in the ear, one in the shoulder.  Since I am blind in one eye thanks to a foolish childhood accident, it enraged me to hear more evidence of recklessness.  There is never an excuse to be destructive like this.  NEVER.

After I threw them out, Destructo and Oblivion continued their drinking elsewhere.  Around midnight they showed up in the room where Gary Richardson conducted his Late Night dance party.  My guess is that they hoped to find the remaining champagne in there.  They entered with some stranger in tow.  They had a drink in one hand and their other arm around the stranger for support.  The women were so plastered this man was the only thing keeping them upright.  What was that on top of Destructo's head?  A closer glance revealed she was wearing a pair of brown men's underwear.  I laughed when I overheard a nearby woman comment that the underwear clashed with Destructo's outfit.  She added, "I always admire a woman willing to take a fashion risk, but she should pray no one takes her picture." 

A week after we returned to Houston, Marla received an email from Oblivion. 

From: Oblivion
Date: 09/12/2008 9:26:13 AM
To: Marla Archer
Subject: Regarding Conquest 2008

Marla, first of all I want to say Thank you for doing such a great job organizing everything.  I know that organizing an event of this size takes a lot of work with many endless hours that no one even knows that you put in.  For that I am very grateful.

I do however want to let you know that although this was my first cruise with your group it will most likely be my last as well.  I have never felt so unwelcome and snubbed in all my life.  Rick went out of his way to ignore me as well as the other three women sitting at our table.  And the way he treated us at the champagne party was disgraceful.   I am not sure what we did to deserve his snubbing, but it made me wonder why you would invite people to participate and then let your husband treat them so badly.

I had been looking forward to this trip for a long time and this really put a damper on the trip.  Despite the constant feeling of not being welcome, I did have a great time and plan to go on many cruises in the future, but it be with a different group.

Oblivion was right about one thing.  I had avoided Destructo and Oblivion prior to the Champagne incident.  At the time, I was still upset over Cruella de Ville and Casey Casanova.  Due to a lifelong tendency towards depression, once I am angry, it takes me longer than most people for my darkness to pass.  When I get this way, I avoid people.  Not only that, I had specifically avoided these two women because they spelled trouble from the start.  No matter what I did on this trip, I could not win.   

Where do people like Destructo and Oblivion come from?  Was Oblivion so drunk she didn't remember the Champagne incident?  Sad to say, her complaint turned out to be the tip of the iceberg.  One by one even more email complaints rolled in.  I had a slew of people expressing their displeasure with various elements of the cruise including my weeklong bad attitude.  I hate to say it, but they had a point.  I had been so angry over the events of this trip that I was never able to snap out of it.  Along the way I had been unnecessarily short with several people.  Angry at the world and angry at myself, each new criticism cut me like a knife. 

That night at the studio, I happened to run into Iqbal.  "What's wrong?" he asked.

So I told him.  One miserable story after another poured out.  At the end, I said, "What the hell is wrong with all these people?  Half the people ruin the trip and then the other half decide to blame me.  These problems were not my fault and I am sick of being chewed out!"

Iqbal waited for me to vent, then responded in a quiet voice.  "I see your point, Rick, but you might try looking at this in another way.  Criticism is not necessarily as bad as you make it out to be.  Yes, some of the complaints you told me about were hostile.  However, the majority were not meant to hurt, but rather to inform you.  While no one likes to hear criticism, I see their comments as a hidden compliment.  It means they care about you and they care about your program.  These people are not going to quit on you, they just want to make sure you know which aspects of your program require your attention."

Dumbfounded, I replied, "But Iqbal, I hate criticism with a passion!  Right now I am buried under a mountain of negativity!"

"Yes, that is true, but that is because you are overly sensitive.  Criticism is not necessarily a bad thing.  Without constructive criticism, how would you know what steps to take to improve your studio and your travel program?  If all you ever hear is praise, then you risk thinking there is no reason to improve."

I had never thought of it that way.  I won't pretend my bad mood evaporated on the spot, but I did like what Iqbal said.  If my dance students and cruise guests did not care, they would say nothing and silently move on.  By speaking up, these people were helping me see what was important to them.  For example, Iqbal had just given me twenty minutes of his time for one specific reason... he cared about my program.  That meant a lot to me.

After speaking with Iqbal, I wrote in the Newsletter how disappointed I was in the behavior of certain people on the 2008 Conquest trip.  I received criticism for that too.  People said, "Rick, how do you expect to build your cruise business with all these nasty stories?"

Well, maybe it was a bad idea to write about the problems, but that is who I am.  I may embellish the fun stuff, but when it comes to problems, I tell it the way I see it.  At least the Newsletter readers know I don't sweep problems under the rug.  Unfortunately, it did seem my candor had a negative consequence.   I was hurt when attendance dropped from 144 to 90 the following year.  Maybe my critics were right.  People don't want to hear about problems in Paradise.  Let it be light and breezy.  When I mentioned my disappointment to Iqbal, he smiled.

"Rick, you are too hard on yourself.  Look around.  Where are the people who caused the problems last year?  Be happy with the friendly people who returned.  Besides, you have to understand that most people can only afford one cruise trip a year.  You have 90 people scheduled to go Barcelona, Spain, next month.  Everyone I talked to said they had to choose between one cruise or the other.  I chose to come on this trip, but a lot of my friends are going to Europe instead.  All told, you have 180 guests this year.  How many did you have for your two trips in 2008?"

"193."

"Okay, so you lost 13 people who made you miserable.  Some would say you have gained by subtraction.  Do not despair."

When Iqbal put it that way, my dark mood eased.  Iqbal had the most curious ability to calm me down.  His philosophical insights were balm to my shattered nerves. 

At the end of this trip, Iqbal introduced a new tradition of his very own: the Sunset Farewell Party.  It took place as the ship pulled away from Cozumel to head home to Houston.  That evening 30 people gathered in celebration of a great trip and a beautiful evening.  I loved this warm gesture.  The atmosphere was so special that several people decided to start smooching.  Ah, sweet romance.  The Group Spirit missing in 2008 had definitely returned.  Thank you, Iqbal, for helping my dark cloud pass. 

One of my favorite moments on the trip came when our beloved friend Gareld McEathron celebrated his 80th birthday.  Gareld was in great spirits.  His wife Virginia was with him as well as his daughter Deborah and son-in-law Karl.  Not only did Gareld dance with every lady who asked, he got a kiss and a plastic lei in appreciation.  The men noticed how the girls smiled at Gareld.  He was our inspiration.  Watching Gareld get smooched by one pretty girl after another, the men looked at each other and nodded.  If dancing will get us smooched at age 80, we will keep dancing as long as we are able to.

On the 2009 Cruise Iqbal had cautioned me with the words 'Do not despair.  Your program is not in any danger.' 

90 Guests in 2009.  190 Guests in 2010, an increase of 100.  This was a new record.  What a difference a year makes! 
 

 

Marla was doing well, but not me.  I was miserable because I had decided to part with my dance studio after 32 years.

Back in 1991 I had signed a 20-year lease with a benevolent landlord.  Unfortunately the strip center where SSQQ was located was sold in 2004.  The new landlord was as heartless as they come.  For an entire year, he refused to fix the leaks in our ceiling.  It got so bad we would place homemade swimming pools in the worst spots lest it rain at night and ruin our expensive dance floor.  But that was not the worst of it.

In 2008, the new landlord confiscated half our parking lot for his own purposes.  It was a senseless move.  Many of our students were forced to walk a mile to get the studio.  Our veteran students would not quit for anything, but newcomers refused to walk so far.  A once lucrative business was ruined.  We barely broke even during the final two years of the lease.

I was 60 years old in 2010.  I would not dream of signing a new lease with the current landlord nor did I have any desire to sign a lease elsewhere, not after what I had been through.  So I handed the reins to a younger man.

From: Rick Archer
Sent: Wednesday, June 03, 2009 4:34 PM
Subject: tentative letter of agreement on transfer of SSQQ

Here is a tentative letter of agreement based on our conversation last night. I went into great detail to make sure we are all on the same page. If there are any sticking points, perhaps I can come over again on Thursday evening to iron out them out.

1. Money.  I am handing over a very successful business without any expectation of money at the front end. That said, I would like to receive money for the business further down the line when the new studio opens.

What I care about more than anything else is to see my studio – your studio - be successful.  I wish to maintain control through May 1, 2010, but I will sign any papers WELL AHEAD OF TIME insuring your ownership after that date.  Since no money will change hands, this should not be that complicated.

15. Travel Business.  Marla and Rick’s main goal over the next ten years is to expand our travel business.  I promise you the Travel Business in no way hurts the dance side of the business.  If anything, people take more lessons ahead of each trip!  Over the years, our Travel business has tightened the bonds of friendship at the studio immeasurably. More than any other single activity, our cruise trips have helped build the core community at SSQQ.

The sale did not go well.  The buyer was so badly under-financed that I tried to help by waiving the typical down payment.  Even with that, the deal would never have gone through except for several students who stepped up to loan money to help the new owner build out the new studio.  Iqbal offered to design the interior of the new studio for free.  It was a very kind offer.

Even with my waiving the down payment and Iqbal offering to design the layout, the new owner insisted he needed money.  So on February 2, 2010, I wrote a fund-raising letter on behalf of the new owner.  Based on good will developed over many years, the outpouring of generosity was amazing.  In a matter of days, the new owner collected $43,000 with more money to follow. 

In March 2010 the sale of the studio went through.  Bad omens appeared immediately.  On April 18th, Marla overheard the new owner exclaim to a group of dance students, "I paid $250,000 and all I got were four letters, S.S.Q.Q."  When I heard that, my blood boiled.  I was handing him 32 years of good will, $43,000 from our loyal students and $100,000 in physical assets.  Considering this man had not given me a cent of down payment, where did he get the nerve to talk like this to people who were my friends?

Shortly after that, the new owner's ill-timed demand to write ANOTHER fund raising letter rubbed me the wrong way.  Does he think the SSQQ students are his personal ATM?  Unwilling to take orders and increasingly aware the new owner did not want me around, I resigned. 

From: Rick Archer
Date: Tuesday, April 20, 2010, 9:25 AM
Subject: resignation

"I'm not sure what past fund raising efforts have to do with this...yes, some money was raised, and now I have spent about $43,000 of it. And now I need to raise some more to build a new studio for us to enjoy. Another effort is needed to rival the last one. The work is not over."

I am sorry, but I will not participate in any further fund raising efforts.  Since I realize this an act of insubordination, I voluntarily offer my resignation.  RA

Some transactions are win-win.  Not this one.  Due to some serious misinformation, my departure led to ill will on the part of one particular group of dance students who were also frequent guests on our cruises.  

In addition, the new owner refused to honor the gentleman's agreement that gave Marla the right to promote her dance cruises at the new studio.  Although this was not the end of the Love Boat Era, it was definitely a crippling development.  Marla's dance cruise the following year was down to 97 people, a loss of 100.  What a shame.  It did not have to be this way. 

Marla had a dilemma.  Where do we go next?  We've done Alaska, Hawaii, New England, the Bahamas and the Western Caribbean.  Hmm.  What about the Eastern Caribbean?  Sure, let's take a look.  This was a very pleasant trip.  We especially enjoyed our visit to San Juan, Puerto Rico.  Our stay at El Convento, a beautiful historic hotel in San Juan, was a real joy. 

I had been in a funk ever since the sale of SSQQ had turned out so poorly.  Marla got a little frustrated when I continued to use computer chess as a way to avoid socializing.  Marla told me to stop feeling sorry for myself.  Wake up and smell the roses, get to know the people on the trip better.  I hate to admit it, but Marla had a point. 

There was something amiss in the vibration of the 2011 Dance Cruise, but I was unable to put my finger on it.  On the surface nothing had changed.  Marla and I still organized all the same activities... Pre-cruise Reception, Welcome Aboard Cocktail Party, three morning dance classes, Champagne Party, Captain's Reception, Mid-Cruise dance party and Iqbal's Sunset Farewell Party.  Nevertheless, even though we were nominally in charge, we had the oddest feeling we were tagging along on someone else's trip. 

I got my answer in a very peculiar way.  Gary Richardson was not on this trip to take pictures like he usually did, so at the end I send out an email requesting our guests to contribute photographs from the trip.  Be careful what you ask for!  I received 4,000 pictures.  After deleting a few duplicates, we were down to 3,950 photographs from 32 different people.

Marla and I were in 10 pictures.  The other 3,940 pictures reflected the activities of the Wobble Crowd, the current celebrities at the New SSQQ.  Marla and I were at best an afterthought.  As it turned out, a certain member of this group had an agenda.  She wanted Marla's Dance Cruise. 

I knew Barbara was special the moment Iqbal allowed me to take their picture together on Formal Night.  In all the years I had known Iqbal, I had never seen him look at a lady the way he looked at Barbara.  As well he should.  Barbara was a tall, willowy brunette who was just as classy as she was pretty.  I have met few women in my life more gracious and poised.

I once asked Iqbal what his favorite cruise was.  "Oh, our trip to Hawaii is right up there.  I also liked your wedding cruise."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"I saw how happy you were and how Marla was bringing you out of your shell.  Marla was such a good influence that she helped me realize what a good woman can do for a man's outlook.  But your marriage was not the only reason my outlook improved.  Since I have been at SSQQ, I have seen several of my friends become happier when they married.  You never know, I might reevaluate my views on marriage."

There were many bright spots on the 2010 Dance Cruise.  However, unbeknownst to me, trouble was brewing.  Prior to the trip, a popular member of the current SSQQ In Crowd demanded Marla let our Welcome Aboard Party become her personal wedding reception, free cocktails and all.  Marla said we would say honor her during the party, but that a reception for the few did not justify ignoring the majority of guests.  So the grudge grew stronger.  Despite the controversy, Marla's 2012 Dance Cruise was so popular that she broke her previous record.  Just my luck there were 193 people to witness the most humiliating incident of my dance career. 

The group that dominated the 2011 Dance Cruise were back.  In 2011 they tolerated my presence, but now the hostility was obvious due to the grudge.  The tension burst on the final night of the trip.  Marla had arranged to use the Lounge for a farewell dance party on the condition that we would end promptly at midnight.  The cruise director didn't want our party running late because her clean-up crew had a lot to do when we reached port tomorrow. 

I was DJ at the dance party.  By pre-programming the music on my computer, I was available to dance with the ladies all night long.  At 11:30 pm, I announced this was the final chance to request music.  Once the requests were in, I added the selections into the computer.  As was my custom, I reserved the final song for Marla.  We would dance a Waltz to "A Time for Us", our wedding song.  This was our final night tradition.

At 11:40, the noisy In Crowd appeared.  There were about 20 of them.  They had been doing some drinking at a show.  Their leader quickly came over and demanded I play "The Wobble", a line dance song that had become their theme.  I said no, sorry, but the music is already set and we have to leave the room promptly at Midnight.  I do not know what this woman said to her boyfriend, but he stomped over and cursed me.  Then he shoved me backwards with both hands.  He was violent because he claimed I had insulted his girlfriend.  20 years younger and 40 pounds heavier, he got chest to chest and tried to push me back.  I stood my ground and a vicious argument ensued.  He was so angry he accidentally spit in my face.  It was a very ugly end to what had been a wonderful trip organized by Marla.  All because Marla said no to the Reception idea and I said no to the Wobble. 

The Wobble Crowd rallied to the side of this woman.  In the days that followed, the Wobble Crowd claimed this was all my fault for insulting their leader.  Mind you, these people were 30 feet away when I had spoken to Wobble Woman, but based on what she said, they were convinced I had been rude.  Marla, Gary Richardson and several others standing nearby knew this claim was not true, but it did no good.  Spinning the incident in favor of Wobble Woman, they claimed the customer is always right.  Had I played the Wobble as asked, there would have been no incident.  Therefore I deserved getting shoved around for being so insensitive.  Shame on me. 

The boyfriend set out on a vendetta.  He said he would do everything in his power to destroy Marla's travel business, then went about doing that exact thing by bad-mouthing us.  Now the real reason for the attack was clear.  Meanwhile the group had a good laugh at my expense.  The big joke at Halloween was how my refusal to play the Wobble had caused Marla to lose half her Travel program.  I forgot to laugh when I saw the Facebook pictures. 

Thanks to the Black Magic Curse of Wobble Woman, there were only 55 people on the 2013 Mariner Cruise.  The resulting ill will had caused a huge rift.  People who were once my friends jumped ship for the new and exciting Wobble Crowd.  In a way, I understood.  The Wobble Crowd wrapped their lives around dancing and the new SSQQ Studio.  Since Marla and I were not welcome at the new studio, it was only natural to shift their loyalty to the people they hung out with on a regular basis.  I guess my problem was to ask why this had to be 'Either-Or'.  I certainly wasn't forcing anyone to choose sides.  The fact remained that an inebriated man had maliciously attacked me, then fabricated a story of my wrong-doing.  For good measure, he punished my wife by sabotaging her business to benefit his girlfriend.  We were both hurt when former friends turned their backs.  Several of these people had been guests at our wedding.  Beware the Curse of the Wobble.

As I boarded the Mariner, I was very wounded.  The moment Iqbal saw that I had retreated back into my shell, he pulled me aside.  "Rick, you are taking this far too seriously.   Yes, it is a shame that the Dance Community has split like this, but you know as well as I do that this is Karma.  This is something that is part of your Fate, so do your best to learn."

I looked at Iqbal suspiciously.  I had always suspected there was a mystical aspect to this man, but this was the first time I had ever heard him speak in these terms.  What he said encouraged me.  Things do not always have to make sense.  I did not know what I was being punished for, but I was strong enough to handle it.  The presence of Iqbal and Barbara were major factors in helping me regain my lost self-esteem on this trip.

In mid-July, 2013, I printed a rumor in the SSQQ Newsletter:

In a rather sudden development, last week Barbara Majors and Iqbal Nagji announced they were now married.  Considering I heard they were engaged only two days before that, I gather things moved swiftly.  I apologize that I don't have more information.  I don't know where they were married and I don't know who participated.  But that doesn't matter.  I am just tickled they are married.  Congratulations to both! 

Barbara and Iqbal will be heading off to Hawaii with our travel group in late September. I don't know if they consider this their honeymoon or not, but it definitely seems like a nice place to start.  Early in their courtship Barbara secretly signed Iqbal and herself onto the Hawaii cruise.  This took place back in January 2013.  Barbara told Marla this was her birthday present to Iqbal.  So what do we make of this?  Obviously, if a girl wants a guy to propose, give him a trip to Hawaii!  No man can resist, not even a confirmed bachelor like Iqbal. 
 

I assumed I would get the inside story on the cruise, but I never once saw an opening for a good chat.  Iqbal and Barbara were inseparable, so my instinct was to let them have their privacy.  I settled instead for the joy of seeing how happy they were together.   What a special couple.

Incidentally, our trip to Hawaii was nothing short of wonderful.  In addition to lots of sightseeing, there was plenty of dancing. 

Marla had a very clever idea... hey, guys, let's celebrate Halloween at sea!

A lot of people agreed with her.  We had 145 guests.  After comparing this response to last year's total of 55, it was obvious Marla's Travel program had rebounded nicely.  By coincidence, October 31st marked Marla's 31st cruise trip.  I could not have been more proud of my wife.  She hung in there despite the bad blood of 2012 and managed to heal the rift.  

As for me, back when I owned the dance studio, our annual Halloween Party was my favorite event of the year.  What a pleasure it was to recreate the glory days of yesteryear here on the cruise ship.  We had a great time dancing in costume on Halloween night.  For old times sake, I brought the Monster Mash Line Dance out of the mothballs.  Our bones creaked and our knees ached, but we were to be monsters again.  Someone pointed out that the older we get, the more our dancing resembles stiff, grouchy monsters.  Maybe so, but as long as we are having fun, who cares what we look like?

The 2014 Dance Cruise was no ordinary smash, it was a Graveyard Smash. 

However, the trip turned out to be a different sort of Graveyard as well.

The 2014 Halloween Cruise was marked with serious controversy.  Most of the people who had been angry with me following the 2012 wrestling match on the final day had decided to let bygones be bygones.  Marla and I were thrilled to see our peace overtures rewarded.  Thanks to their renewed support, our numbers returned to Pre-Wobble totals.   Thank goodness the Travel Community was whole again.

Not so fast.  Two months before the trip, Wobble Woman emailed every person who was signed up for Marla's cruise trip with her alternative social calendar.  Naturally Marla objected to this bald-faced takeover attempt, especially since several of Wobble Woman's events directly conflicted with Marla's posted schedule.  Marla sent out a letter to make an appeal for unity. 

Sometimes in life there are situations beyond one's control.  There was nothing we could at this point to heal the rift.  Fortunately, there were still many people who were loyal to Marla.  Well aware that Marla's trips were fun and well-organized, her next dance cruise did very well with 120 guests. 

A major reason for the success was a very creative idea.  Knowing how much our dancers loved to Swing Dance, why not have a Sock Hop at sea?  As it turned out, we had made friends with a performer named Joe Valentino and his wife Robin.  In addition to singing the Oldies, Joe's outrageous, raunchy sense of humor left people in stitches.  Marla had an idea.  For her next dance cruise, why not bring our very own band on board?  Great move!

So Joe Valentino and his lovely wife Robin came along on the trip with us.  Dancing at sea to the music of Elvis Presley and the Beatles was more fun than we ever imagined.  Twist and Shout and work it on out! 

For our Country-Western fans, Robin sang some great Patsy Cline songs for us.  Everyone had a great time.  They definitely got their money's worth. 

As for me, I still had a wound in my heart, but Iqbal was right. 

Que sera, sera.  The divorce was final.

Marla's 2014 Halloween Dance Cruise had been so much fun, she received many requests to do it again.  And so it was the return of the Monster Mash.

We actually got to have two Halloween Parties.  It turned out the ship had a Halloween-themed Captain's Reception.  Only one problem... none of the ship's passengers had bothered to bring a costume. 

Oh wait, some of us did!  The SSQQ dancers put on quite a show that night.  Not only were we awesome in our costumes, our dancing in the Esplanade area captivated a wide audience.  Thanks to our dancing and our costumes, we were the unquestioned stars of the night.  Then we got to do it all over again in the privacy of the dance lounge.  Too much fun. 

Marla's group was a Family Affair in more ways than one.  Don Taylor met his future wife Jean at SSQQ on our 2006 dance cruise.  They celebrated their Honeymoon on the 2007 dance cruise.  Although Don's job forced them to relocate to Oklahoma, they stayed in touch.  Each year they continued to join us for our dance cruise.  Not only did they bring Don and Jean's parents, they brought their two daughters along as well.  My, how time flies!  In 2016, their daughters were 8 and 5.  They were very cute in their costumes.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see Iqbal and Barbara nearly enough these days.  Iqbal had a close friend who had his Danube River Cruise ruined due to the hit or miss water level.  During the rainy season, the Danube gets so high the riverboat can't get under some of the low bridges.  During the dry season the river gets so low the riverboat cannot safely reach some of the ports.  The consequence is to transfer guests using buses.  Iqbal preferred not to take his chances, so he skipped our river cruises.  Trust me, I understood completely, especially after my second Danube cruise was interrupted due to low water.  Obviously Iqbal knew what he was doing.

That said, I missed seeing my favorite couple, so it was great to have Barbara and Iqbal join us on the 2016 Halloween Trip.  This trip was Iqbal's 22nd cruise with us.  What an amazing total!  Over the years, Iqbal had been far and away the most loyal devotee of Marla's Travel program. 

It should go without saying that we were grateful for his many years of support.  However, I will say it anyway... Marla and I loved having Iqbal and Barbara along with us.  As for me, every time I saw Iqbal, it brought back so many good memories.  Don't tell anyone, but Iqbal and I had grown old together.  Our friendship went back close to twenty years. 

 

Marla's best friends say her Greek Isles Cruise was their favorite trip of all time.  Personally, Marla's River Cruises are my favorites.  Sailing down the Danube, the Rhine, the Rhone, the Seine, and the Garonne have made for sublime vacations.  That said, I agree the Greek Isles Trip was sensational.

I can see why people love Santorini.  The all-white, blue-domed buildings on an island on the rim of an extinct volcano makes for spectacular scenery.  When you add Athens, Mykonos, and the beauty of the Aegean Sea, our trip to Greece was great.  But the trip did not stop there.  We sailed up the Balkan coastline of the Adriatic Sea to visit Montenegro, Croatia, and Slovenia... all wonderful stops.  And there was more!  Guess where the trip ended?  Venice!  What an amazing vacation. 

On a personal note, I owe Marla so much for taking me around the world.  It is such a pleasure to see the beauty of foreign lands and be able to experience the culture.  In the process, I have actually become outgoing.  I don't really know why, but I finally put my computer chess game away in order to pay better attention to our guests and the places we visit. 

The more we travel, the more confidence I have developed when it comes to interacting with strangers.  These days I will talk to anyone.  It took a while, but I finally realized that a lot of people are shy like me.  So I learned to make the first move.  Want to know my secret?  Before your next cruise trip, memorize the capital of every country in the world.  It's the perfect ice breaker.  "Oh, you're from Croatia?  Where do you call home, Zagreb?"

It does not matter what town they are from.  They will immediately follow up with "No, not Zagreb, but Samobar.  That's a suburb about 12 miles west of Zagreb. And where are you from?"  See what I mean?  From there a conversation develops.  By learning to make conversations overseas, amazingly my new-found skill followed me back to Houston.  Travel has been very good to me.  For that matter, Marla has been very good for me.

I imagine Iqbal would say the same thing about Barbara.  Barbara is one of the warmest women I have ever met.  What a smile!  She is a wonderful companion to Iqbal.  I cannot tell you the thrill I get seeing together, especially since I feel like I had an indirect hand in the matter.  I guess it isn't much of a surprise to reveal Barbara and Iqbal met on the dance floor.  It warms my heart to know that all those years of dance lessons paid off for Iqbal in such a perfect way.  The same is true for Barbara as well.  Barbara was my favorite dance student back in 2011.  Barbara is unfailingly sweet when she thanks me for helping her prepare to meet Iqbal. 

I had one very interesting conversation with Iqbal during the Greek Isles Cruise.  Ever since I sold the dance studio, it seemed like our paths rarely crossed.  So one night I made a point to sit next to him at dinner.  When Barbara became engrossed in a conversation with the lady next to her, I had Iqbal all to myself for the first time in ages.  I took the opportunity to tell Iqbal how much I appreciated his support over all these years. 

"No, Rick, it is I who appreciate you.  I have long known there is something very special about your dance studio and travel program.  Year after year I have watched in amazement at all the people who meet thanks to you.  I don't know what other people say to you, but I am grateful you helped create this huge dance community of friends.  I've never seen anything to compare to it."

I smiled.  "Thank you for that kindness.  But you of all people have to know I did not do this myself.  I believe I had help from God."

Iqbal nodded.  "Yes, I know that.  You have been touched by God, there is no doubt in my mind.  Why do you suppose I have supported you all these years?  I believe in what you work for and I have been privileged to contribute to the same goal.  Nor am I alone.  Look at all the people who have wrapped their lives around dancing and SSQQ.  It goes all the way back to the Wedding Cruise in 2004.  George, Phyllis, Gabino, Maureen, Gary Richardson, Gary Schweinle, Gareld and Virginia, Mara and Bruce.  The list goes on.  And what about all those marriages?  If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I would never believed SSQQ created 250 marriages in ten years."

"You're right, Iqbal.  But it wasn't just me.  SSQQ became an amazing institution because a lot of people with their heart in the right place decided to pitch in.  I cared passionately about creating chances for people to develop friendships.  The history of SSQQ is many people who want to contribute.  Before you came along, people like Tom Easley, Ted and Margie, Judy Price, Sharon Crawford and Lester Buck laid the foundation.  The funny is no matter how awkward I am around people, the place just kept expanding.  How someone with my lousy social skills ended up with the largest dance studio in America is pretty hard to explain."

Iqbal rolled his eyes.  "Don't be absurd.  I believe you were given a spiritual task to lay the foundation and you paid attention.  If there was something missing, then God sent a person along to guide you.  Like Marla for example.  I am proud of what you and Marla have accomplished."