SUBCHAPTER 737 - THE POWER OF THE WALTZ

My dance career was the direct result of a fascinating story I had read in The Courtesan back in July 1974.  Christopher had told the story of how he used his dance skills as a way to pick up women in clubs. 

Ballroom Dancing is one my favorite ways to meet women.   A knowledge of dance can be very useful.  For example, one night I visited a nightclub and noticed a pretty girl at the bar.  I was still sizing her up when another guy moved in. 

His opening line was fairly standard.  'May I join you?' 

I was intrigued.  That was a good start.  He approached her without hesitation and had been rewarded with a smile.  I decided to listen in and see if this guy was any better than me.   Shortly thereafter the man offered to buy her a drink.  I frown on this technique, but maybe it was time to test my foregone conclusion.  Let's see if it gets him anywhere.  From that point, this guy latched on to the lady and plied her with drink after drink.  But he wasn't clicking with his conversation.  The woman's body language said she was bored. 

At that moment a Sinatra song came on,  'Fly Me to the Moon'.  I noticed the woman immediately start to tap her foot to the music.  That's all the encouragement I needed, so I went up to the woman and asked her to dance.  The other guy gave me a look that would kill, but I expected the woman would accept on the spot.   I was right.

I immediately went to work.  I'm a good dancer and I know what I am doing because I practice.  Sure enough, by the end of the song, the woman was dancing cheek to cheek with her body pressed close.  She liked the music, she liked the dancing, and she liked me.  One thing led to another and I suggested we go have a drink somewhere else.  Of course, that would be my apartment, but I hadn't told her yet. 

I was the beneficiary of exquisite timing.  First, no woman can resist Sinatra.  Second, I could tell this gal was looking for some way to ditch the first guy.  Third, all those drinks had definitely warmed her up.  She was ripe for the taking. 

But the main reason for my success was my dancing ability.  Dancing is more powerful than Love Potion #9.  Put a woman in my arms and I will move her with confidence around the floor.  Feeling me hold her, touch her, and guide her sends the right kind of message.  She starts floating and thinks I'm Prince Charming.  I say blame it on the Moon.  Every woman knows that if a man treats her well on the dance floor, he will do the same in bed later on.  In my experience, Dance leads straight to Romance.  Take my word for it. 

That first guy did me a real favor by softening her up, so I made sure to tip my hat to him as we left.  To his credit, he smiled.  I think he had just decided to take dance lessons.

The moment I read that story, I too vowed to take dance lessons.  If anyone ever needed Love Potion #9, that would be me.  It was now 1981 and seven years had passed.  Given the lessons of time, I was in perfect position to judge the results of my fateful decision.  The answer, of course, is that my Dance Project had succeeded in spectacular fashion. 

Although I would not go so far as to say I had been particularly lucky in love, there was no doubt Dancing had allowed me to attract the interest of a stunning array of beautiful women. 

Unfortunately, there had been a small flaw in my original logic.  If I had one quibble with Christopher's advice, I discovered the hard way that dancing alone does not necessarily make a woman fall in love with a man.  In fairy tales and musicals such as 'The King and I', perhaps, but in real life, maybe not so often.  

Although dancing prowess will guarantee a heart-warming reception, after that it is up to the man to demonstrate even more important talents such as charm, intelligence, integrity and so on.  Plus it helps if he has a career.  We've been through that, yes?

Another fact revealed to me over time is that some forms of social dancing are more effective than others at unlocking a girl's heart.  In particular, I am speaking of Waltz, a dance that has become the timeless symbol for grace, elegance, beauty and romance. 

As it turns out, the classic song 'Could I Have this Dance?' is a well-known Waltz.

Could I Have This Dance?

I'll always remember the song they were playing
The first time we danced and I knew
As we swayed to the music and held to each other
I fell in love with you.

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
Would you be my partner every night?
When we're together it feels so right
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

I'll always remember that magic moment
When I held you close to me
As we moved together, I knew forever
You're all I'll ever need!

-- Amy Grant, Anne Murray

The lyrics make a very good point.  In the arms of an experienced dancer, a beautiful Waltz has a way of softening a woman's heart.  Perhaps that explains why 'Could I Have This Dance?' has been used as a Wedding Dance song many times.

Steeped in mythology, Waltz is the legendary dance of Romance.  When women think of Waltz, they think of Cinderella at the Ball with flowing gowns and graceful, swirling turns.  As the couple moves down the floor, every girl feels like a Princess as she floats to the beautiful Waltz music.

That said, every Cinderella needs a Prince.  Based on what I learned, any man smart enough to tap into the mythology has the most powerful Love Potion ever invented working for him.

Long ago, I was given a first-hand glimpse of the power of the Waltz.  Before my very eyes, Katie, the girl I was in love with, was swept off her feet by Black Jack, the evil dance instructor who used the magic powers of the Waltz to steal my love away.

Jack taught me a bitter, but valuable lesson.  Any man who can dance a Waltz will receive adoration far beyond his wildest imagination... and that's no fairy tale.

SUBCHAPTER 738 - THE WALTZ KINGS

If you happen to be a guy reading this and you are at all interested in learning to dance, I invite you to pay special attention to this chapter.  In 1981, I received another yet another first-hand demonstration that Waltz has special power. 

I watched in awe as two men, Jim Garrison and Bill Stumph, systematically used the Waltz to develop a complete roster of female admirers. 

As it turned out, I was hardly the only man to ever grasp the effectiveness of social dance as a premier skill for meeting women.  Jim and Bill knew the secret too.  Wherever they went, women would pester them endlessly for a Waltz. 

Here's the deal.  Jim and Bill were normal-looking guys.  In a crowd, they would hardly be the first men one might notice.  Nor could they flash their wallet.  Although both men were very bright, neither of them pulled in the bucks.  Bill did something with physics research; Jim was a self-described computer geek.

Neither guy could ever be mistaken for an athlete or macho man.  Jim and Bill were around 5’ 10", 150 lbs with average physiques.  Neither man was a sharp dresser nor were they blessed with the glib phrases typically associated with ladies men.

Yet back in the days of 1981 these two guys cleaned up.  They were the life of every dance event.
Whenever our group went dancing, women would literally flock to their side when a Waltz came on. Each man had his choice of 10 ladies. 

And don’t think for a moment this was any sort of accident.  Jim and Bill were well aware of their star power.  They milked their Waltz ability for every possible advantage it could give them. 

Jim and Bill were the Waltz Kings. 

In early 1981, the Winchester Club was always a source of animosity whenever I brought our group over for a night of dancing.  There was constant tension between the self-described Authentic Kickers and our group of Disco Frauds disguised in western attire. 

'I was Country before Country was Cool' was an accurate slogan for the day.  However, the kickers didn't put up much of a fight out on the western dance floor.  Thanks to the advent of Western Swing, the ex-Disco dancers with their superior dance skills quickly outflanked the veteran country dancers and left them in the dust. 

In particular, the ex-Disco dancers greatly benefitted from the use of a Ballroom concept known as 'Frame'.  The idea here was that if a woman can stay parallel to the man's shoulders, her feet will be a perfect match for his.  The use of 'Frame' made it much easier for a woman to follow intricate patterns without a need to think about her feet.

Unfortunately the old-timers still insisted on wrapping their sweaty arms around the woman's neck and expected her fingers go through his belt loop.  That worked fine if the woman did not mind going backwards all night long, but it was impossible for a man to maneuver the lady through any sort of move beyond the most minimal patterns. 

The use of 'Frame' allowed skilled men to lead highly complex patterns.  With a man's hand on the woman's back, he could switch her direction on a dime.  The use of Frame and the addition of Double Turns changed the face of Western dancing faster than a cowboy could say 'Disco Sucks'.  In practically no time at all, the Fake Cowboys were dancing circles around the old-timers who refused to adapt. 

To be frank, when it came to the Waltz, I still harbored a lot of resentment.  My dance career almost came to a halt in November 1979 when I taught a Waltz Box Step to Devin and Mona.  After they subsequently got run over at the Winchester, my mistake had led to Fright Night, the most disturbing moment of my dance career.  Due to my bad attitude, I refused to take the Waltz seriously.  Although I was strongly motivated to improve the Twostep and Polka, I turned a blind eye to the Waltz. 

There was another reason for my disdain.  Back in those days, Waltz carried some sort of Ballroom stigma.  While Twostep and Polka were seen as 'manly dances' complete with the eye-catching double turns, Waltz was considered cream-puff dancing for sissies.  Any guy seen dancing a pretty Waltz was either gay or some sort of Twinkle-toe Twinkie.  Consequently there was little demand for the house band or the DJ to play more than a few token Waltzes per night.  Although I had respect for Waltz due to my private lesson work with Glen, due to its rarity at the Winchester, I didn't see the value in learning any moves past the minimum effort.  My ignorance was mirrored by 99% of the other guys.  In other words, there was a huge vacuum here.

Since the old-time style of Western Waltz remained unaffected by developments in Twostep and Polka, the ladies had no choice but to continue dancing the Waltz backwards for an entire song.  I am embarrassed to admit I missed the ball when it came to Western Waltz just like everyone else.  This was my chance to be an innovator for a second time, but since the demand for Waltz was so low, I concentrated on developing the more lucrative Western Swing instead.  Fortunately, Bill and Jim reached the opposite conclusion.  Once they discovered the Waltz door was wide open, they were quick to exploit it. 

The story of the Waltz Kings began during our first visit to the Winchester at the end of January 1981.  Although Jim and Bill did not know each other, they both had a token background in Ballroom dancing.  Unfortunately, that meant they knew just enough Ballroom Waltz to get themselves nearly killed.  Hearing Isaac Peyton and his band play a Waltz, Bill got a partner and raced out on the floor.  Unbeknownst to Bill, Jim did the same thing on a different part of the vast floor.  The moment Bill and Jim tried their Ballroom Waltz Box Step, to their shock, the rednecks ran them down.  I did not see Bill get knocked down, but I did see it happen to Jim and his lady friend. 

I was appalled at the spitefulness.  Now I understood more clearly than ever why Devin and Mona were so mad at me when they suffered a similar fate.  As I watched Jim and his partner pick themselves up off the floor, it was disturbing that an entire year had passed and rednecks were still running over innocent people for the crime of dancing a Box Step.  After their separate accidents, Jim and Bill went back to their respective tables to share their stories with sympathetic friends.  Through the grapevine, Jim learned the same thing had just happened to Bill.  So Jim went over to Bill's table and they began to compare notes.  Realizing they had a common interest in the Waltz, this was the moment Jim and Bill became friends. 

As the Waltz Survivors chatted, Isaac Peyton and his band decided to take their break.  Since they didn't bother to play any DJ music, the floor stayed empty.  When Jim and Bill realized they had a two thousand foot dance floor all to themselves, why not round up the two ladies and practice a little?  Although the two ladies were still smarting from getting knocked down, they were decent enough not to blame Jim and Bill.  So the four of them went back out on the floor and conducted some Waltz experiments during the Break. 

Jim and Bill's first conclusion was that dancing a stationary Waltz had gotten them into trouble.  Waltz had to travel in this joint or risk another collision.  Since Bill and Jim were both familiar with my technique of taking Disco moves and making them travel, why not try the same idea with Ballroom Waltz?  Their first target was a common Waltz move known as the Twinkle.  With a little bit of tinkering, the two men figured out a way to make the Twinkle move down the floor.  That was their first breakthrough.   A common Twinkle variation was a pattern known as the Crossover.  They figured out how to make the Crossover travel as well. 

By the time the Break was over, the Waltz Committee had three new moves... Traveling Basic, Traveling Twinkle, and Traveling Crossover.  To Jim and Bill's delight, the two women made a huge fuss over their ingenuity.  Now that the ladies were no longer afraid of being hurt, their enthusiasm let the men know they were on to something special.

Over the next several months, Bill and Jim teamed up to find more ways to make their moves travel around the dance floor.  In this regard, the men were way ahead of their time.  While other men made their ladies Waltz backwards for the entire song, Bill and Jim had several unique moves that only they knew how to lead. 

If a girl had a choice between going backwards for an entire song or dancing twelve intricate Waltz patterns with Jim or Bill, it was a no-brainer.   As Jim explained it to me, spinach turned Popeye into a strongman and the Waltz did something very similar for him.  The 'Traveling Waltz' became the secret of Jim and Bill's success.

This was how the Waltz Kings took their place among the first modern Western Waltz dancers.  Although neither man ever got any particular credit for their adaptations, I doubt they cared.  It was enough that they became famous here at my studio.  Since the Waltz Kings got more attention from the fair ladies than they knew how to handle, their new-found popularity was ample reward for their innovations.

The story of the Waltz Kings underlines my point that Dancing is one of the premier skills for meeting women.  For Bill and Jim, the dance floor was their stage, their place where women could see them doing what they did best.  These guys had an ace up their sleeve and smartly played their card every chance they got.  Bill and Jim understood that women are transformed into Cinderella at the Ball whenever a Waltz is played.  With a lady mesmerized by the beauty of the music and the dance, on a level she might not even realize, any man willing to make her feel graceful becomes her hero.

SUBCHAPTER 739 - SEND ME DOWN TO TUCSON

The story of the Waltz Kings paralleled the story of how Crazy Jane's 'SLOW SLOW QUICK QUICK' exploit lit up my studio like a blazing forest fire.  People could not stop talking about her.  In a way, her mysterious disappearance helped intensify her fame.  No matter how much someone exaggerated the tale, her absence kept anyone from disputing the accuracy of the details.  In no time at all, Crazy Jane had become a studio legend.

As for me, I wished people would stop talking about Jane.  Throughout May, I looked for my lost love wherever I went.  No such luck.  As the weeks passed, hope was fading fast.  I went through May in constant depression over my loss.  At this point, after turning my back on Mona and Jane, I was running out of patience.  So far, thanks to Victoria, I had lost Joanne, Patricia, Jennifer, Ammonia and Jane.  Nor did it stop there.  With women smiling at me, I remained helpless to act.  However, I didn't want any of these smiling women, I wanted Jane.  Thanks to our studio mailing list, I had a phone number and an address for Jane.  All I had to do was call or write a letter.  As a result, I constantly toyed with the idea of exploring an Affair with Jane.  Did Affairs always have to turn out poorly?  What if Jane was telling the truth about her understanding with Harold? 

I had a new favorite song, Send Me Down to Tucson, a Waltz no less.  By way of beautifully written lyrics, this song told the story of a married man who was sent to work in another city.  At first he praised his wife, referring to her as 'the lady'.

"I know the lady’s not to blame 'cause they raised her prim and proper"

But then he met a woman in Tucson who, unlike his wife, thoroughly enjoyed sex.  The man decided to use his freedom to participate in a wonderful Affair.

"No one wants to go down to Tucson in the summer
So this time the boss chose me
I’ve been sort of restless
yes he thought it might help if
I got away from my wife and family

There’s been no other woman since the mother of my children
And in each and every way she’s a lady
Now there’s one that I’ll remember
a sultry night we spent together
And she satisfied the love inside of me."
 

With Jane's pleas for love vividly emblazoned in my memory, I tried to visualize what might have been.  The Tucson song came to symbolize my Night to Remember, the night when I passed up Jane's love.  Trying to make myself feel better, I whispered the Tucson lyrics to myself every idle moment.  While humming the lyrics, I recalled every detail like it was yesterday.  That included the memory of her touch.  How could I forget?  As my mind continued to debate the correct course of action, I kicked myself for what I had missed every single day. 

"The woman takes her pleasures where she can
The one in Tucson, she don’t hide it
And when she gets excited
She makes you feel you're every inch a man."

Those lyrics tore me to pieces.  For a brief flicker in time, Jane made me feel every inch a man.  My heart begged me to call her, but my discipline said no.  If Jane wanted to pursue a relationship, that would be acceptable, but I would not pursue an Affair with another married woman under any circumstance.  Nevertheless, this constant self-denial threw me into a serious funk.  When would that damn Victoria make up her mind what she wanted to do with her life?  I prayed for Limbo to reach a rapid conclusion before I lost my sanity.

Reluctantly, one day at a time, I slowly turned my thoughts back to the studio.  Suffering from heartbreak, I taught my classes in May, but did not remotely feel like being sociable.  My loneliness forced me to show up for social events, but I frequently sat in the shadows and just watched.  I was reluctant to approach strangers, I was lousy at small talk, and I avoided getting to know the students beyond a superficial level.  In public, although I was surrounded by a swirling hurricane of energy, I participated little beyond a tepid effort.  I put on a mask and smiled blankly.  When people pestered me too much, I would ask some girl to dance and go out on the dance floor more to hide than to actually dance.  This was how I avoided conversation.  If no one was looking, sometimes I snuck out and went home.

Fortunately, I was not needed at the moment.  During this mourning stage, I watched Jann Fonteno with open admiration as she spread her warmth far and wide.  Jann was by far the studio's most effective hostess since Victoria in her 1978 Pistachio Club heyday.  Still a loner at heart, I realized I could never accomplish what Jann was doing.  She was a seamstress of a sort.  Jann was currently weaving all sorts of people into a tight network of friends.  I marveled as Jann poured her heart and soul into the studio. 

Jann must have sensed something was wrong.  Without a word from me, Jann stepped into the void and became the dance studio version of 'Next Man Up'.  Although Jann never explained why she was so determined to perform her magic, she instinctively picked the baton up from me and ran with it.   Jann was well aware of the energy surge created by Crazy Jane's audacious behavior.  She was also aware that my social program was making its move at the exact moment when I was too crippled to lend a hand.   Thank goodness for her timely effort.  With Jann filling my leadership void, no one seemed to mind that I was going through the motions.  It was a little embarrassing to see the studio doing just fine without me, but at least it gave me time to heal. 

Due to her outgoing nature and frequent nights of dancing, Jann learned the names and faces of all the students.  Likewise everyone knew Jann and felt comfortable around her.  As she circulated through the crowd, people gravitated towards her to ask questions.  This is how Jann became the studio spokesperson.  Probably due to my ever-present frown and terse responses, people decided it was safer to leave me alone and go ask Jann instead.  Jann never seemed to tire of sharing information.  No matter how many people peppered her with questions, she never failed to deliver.  Jann was nothing short of wonderful in her Hostess role. 

SUBCHAPTER 740 - wait YOUR TURN!

Like many people in our growing group of friends, Jann took pleasure in finding ways to contribute without being asked.  Although Jann was not paid to oversee the dancing on a nightly basis, trust me, Jann was rewarded in many ways.  One of her particular rewards was getting to cut in front whenever one of the rare Waltzes was being played.  Not surprisingly, Jann's favorite dance partners were Jim Garrison and Bill Stumph.  No matter how long the line of women waiting a chance to dance with Jim or Bill, Jann always seemed to get her Waltz in.  Thus the value of being the Alpha Girl.  

Now that they had become the Waltz Kings, Jim and Bill were rock stars.  They had women begging to Waltz with them.  When I say 'begging', I am not exaggerating.  These were grown women, but they acted like pitiful, forlorn teenagers.  Pleading.  Beseeching.  Imploring.  Cajoling.  Observing the plaintive wail of these admirers, I often wondered if the boys had a casting couch.  However, I chose not to ask out of discretion.  It was none of my business.

One night at Texas, the new hangout, I witnessed an a unruly mob of five women arguing with each other over who was next in line to dance the upcoming Waltz with Jim or Bill. These women wanted to Waltz so badly that they had begun to fight amongst themselves for the privilege.  I kid you not.

"I'm next!" "No you aren't!"  "Yes I am!"  "I was here long before you!" "Bill asked me first!"  "No, he didn't, he asked me first!"  "That's what you think!"  "That is what I know."  "Wrong, just ask Bill!"

I thought these women were ladies, but maybe not. This catfight was definitely unbecoming to their dignity.  I was incredulous. My gosh, these two guys are hotter than Elvis!  Now they had women fighting over them!  What kind of pixie dust had Bill and Jim sprinkled on these ladies to turn grown women into immature children?  I concluded Jim and Bill had harnessed The Power of the Waltz.  Apparently only the atom itself was mightier than Waltz when it came to women.  When they weren't on the dance floor, Jim and Bill were just two normal guys.  But put them on the dance floor and the ladies lined up.  Women would literally flock to their side whenever a Waltz came on.

Glen had given me permission to throw a monthly Saturday night party.  One night during a studio dance party, women buzzed around the Waltz Kings all night long.  Each man had his choice of countless ladies.  Noticing Jim or Bill talking animatedly to some lady, I knew what was coming next.  Sure enough, once Bill or Jim felt that he was making progress with the new lady, he would come over ask me to play a Waltz.  This was a new twist in the saga.  Ordinarily at Texas, two, perhaps three Waltzes would be played per night.  Now here at the Dance Arts studio party, Bill and Jim used their status to persuade me to double the number of Waltzes played.   Such clever boys.   

Moments later I would play a lovely song like The Last Waltz (... the last Waltz will last Forever...), I would see Bill and Jim parading around the floor with some happy woman smiling and laughing giddily.  Women became totally helpless in their arms.  The beautiful music and flowing movements made their partners feel like they are floating on air.  That is when the girls become vulnerable.  They could not help but feel soft towards the man who made them feel this good.  Jim and Bill knew this secret, but were smart enough not to share it.  

Actually, I knew the secret too, I just didn't tell anyone.  During my private lessons with Glen, I had become a good Waltz dancer.  However, since I danced every Twostep or Polka, I wanted to rest during the Waltzes.  Consequently the women did not know that I too possessed the prized skill.  Using this time to watch Jim and Bill in action, I was pleased to note their success validated my theory that social dancing was a premier skill for attracting women. 

Noticing my scrutiny, the boys would wink at me as they sailed past.  Since I was the DJ, they wanted to stay on my good side.  I would roll my eyes and smile back.  Who would they be going home with tonight?  I figured since these were big girls they were dancing with, why should I interfere?  After all, it wasn't illegal to Waltz.  But it should have been!  Waltz was their license to seduce women.  The bottom line is that these guys had way too much power. 

Can you spell 'M-O-N-O-P-O-L-Y'?  The problem was that Jim and Bill were practically the only men on the floor who knew what they were doing.  As the Waltz Kings dominated the action, I would notice all the Twostep and Polka experts sitting this one out.  Twiddling their thumbs, the non-Waltzers watched the two Waltz Supermen with awe and wonder.  Who are those guys?  What is their secret?  What do they have that I don't?

Since it was clear that Jim and Bill had used their Waltzing reputation to acquire virtual harems, you would think the other men would catch on.  However they were so unbelievably retarded, they continued to avoid the Waltz like the plague.  Must have been a macho thing... the Waltz was too graceful, too prissy, not manly enough.  Were these men blind?  How could these doofusses not see that two nerds had cleaned up right under their unenlightened noses? 

SUBCHAPTER 741 - RICK'S WALTZ PLAN

Rick Archer's Note: 

In Part Two of The Waltz Kings, I will explain how Jim and Bill's success created a massive problem for me.  I will then tell the story of how I came up with a creative solution to solve the problem.  Unfortunately, my plan backfired in a way that will seem almost incomprehensible.  Part Two will be sent out on Monday.