At the start of the meal,
the Captain asked each
couple to
introduce themselves and say a little bit about
where they were from, etc. Marla and I
listened intently. We were looking for clues that
might explain why each couple - including ourselves - had been granted
this honor.
We discovered
another couple was celebrating their honeymoon. Okay, they are
special because they are newlyweds. Maybe that's why
we were asked as well.
Then we found out the couple to the Captain's right
was taking their 18th Royal Caribbean Cruise. Wow! I was
impressed! 18 Royal Caribbean cruises. Okay, you guys deserve to be here. You can stay.
If my crystal ball had been working properly, I would have
mentioned the day would come when Marla and I would take 24
Royal Caribbean cruises of our own. The Wedding Cruise was
our third so far. We had a long way to go.
I never got the slightest inkling what the other two couples had
done to deserve the honor of a seat
at the table. They did not say anything that might differentiate them from the other 2,000
passengers on board. They were not newlyweds, this was
not their anniversary. As a result, Marla and I had no
idea why they had been included in this select
company.
We assumed our
status as newlyweds was the reason we were picked. But
then
Jackpot Julie mentioned there were 96 couples taking
their Honeymoon on this cruise - a staggering number!
In other words, we were definitely not the only honeymoon
couple aboard. On the other hand, Marla and I weren't just newlyweds, we had actually gotten married aboard the ship.
Surely that made us special. Nope. Julie
unintentionally poked a hole in that theory. Standing
nearby, she overheard me ask the Captain a question.
Julie answered it for him. "We had one other couple married on the ship
on Sunday." Since the other couple was not
here at the table, that contradicted my "got married on
the ship" theory.
Another reason
we might have been invited would be that we were leaders of the largest
group aboard the ship. With 125 guests, our crazy dance group was leaving
their mark wherever they went. However, how would
anyone know we were part of that? It was not like Marla and I went around
advertising our involvement.
This reason did not explain our invitation.
In Hindsight, it is funny
just how much I was in the dark. Little did I know that Marla and
I were already the most famous couple on board. As it turned out,
our fame was only one reason why we were invited. The other was a dark
secret I
would have never guessed. But let's not get ahead of
our story.
After all the pomp and
circumstance to begin the evening,
it was time for general conversation.
Unfortunately, things got off to a slow start. The gift of gab was not the Captain's forte.
He was stiff and struggled for words at times.
I could relate. Growing up an only child, for nine
years I attended a private school light years beyond my lowly
social status. Used to being ignored, I turned into an
introverted loner. It was my career as a dance
instructor that saved me. Forced to communicate with
large groups of people on a nightly basis, over time I grew
out of my shell.
I gathered Captain Teige was fairly
new to his position, so I imagined he would find his groove
eventually. However, that would take a while. Since speaking with guests
was something I did for a living, I tried to help break the ice. I asked
a dozen questions to get the conversation going.
I did not wish to put the Captain on the spot, so I made sure each
question was a softball. I figured sooner or later we
would discover a subject he was comfortable with. His
answers revealed that he
was very down-to-earth.
Unfortunately, that was about it. His answers were short and gave me little to work with.
When Marla pointed out I was doing all the talking, I felt awkward for monopolizing his attention.
However, when I hushed up to give someone else a chance, no
one said a word. Sensing tacit
permission to continue, I resumed the interview.
Finally one of
my questions hit the mark. I asked if he had family on
board. Watching his face light up, we discovered the
Captain was engaged and that he had a two year old son.
Normally his fiancée stayed in Galveston. This allowed
him to see her on Sundays when the ship docked.
However, this trip was an exception. He was pleased to announce his son and bride-to-be
were along with him for a change. What an unusual life he
must lead. As glamorous as a life at sea must seem to smog-crazed idiots who spend 3 hours a day stuck in traffic, even
the life of a Captain on a luxury ship has its drawbacks.
Although some
people make a career out of a life at sea, the majority only work for a year or two.
They
build their resume, then move on.
Given that Captain Teige had spent fifteen years moving up
the ranks,
I imagine a life at sea got lonely at times.
To my surprise,
the Captain suddenly turned the tables on me. The
shift in conversation started innocently enough. It
started when Captain Teige asked,
"Mr. Archer, do you
mind if I address you by your first name?"
"No, I don't
mind, sir. Of course."
"Okay, Rick,
here is my question. I want to know if you ever
found your mother."
What? Was
he referring to our Oops Wedding? No way!
But maybe so. Surprised by the question, I found
myself at a loss for words (if you can believe that).
Sputtering a bit, I blurted, "How did you know about that?"
Enjoying my
befuddlement, Captain Teige
laughed out loud. "Well, for
one thing, I heard you hollering for your mother in the hallway!"
As I turned
crimson, the group was transfixed. What on earth is
this about? The Captain explained that the ship's Bridge was
right above Deck 8. This had allowed the Captain to overhear my panicked
calls
to locate my mother's unknown cabin. Seeing me squirm, it took
everything in Marla's power not to burst out laughing.
Considering the misery she had endured due to my missing
mother and aunt, she was happy to see me suffer for a
change.
I cringed as the
table turned full attention to me. Seeing the
flummoxed look on my face, they wanted
to hear my side of the story. Feeling sheepish, I
explained how my mother and aunt had fallen asleep, but I
did not know their cabin number. They roared when
I got to the part where I wandered the entire Deck 8
hollering, "Mom! Aunt Lynn! Where are you?"
Noticing how much the
Captain was savoring my explanation, it occurred to me we had been invited
specifically so he could give me a hard time. But I did
not detect malice. He was just having fun teasing me.
Hey, I deserved it! I could not tell who was enjoying
this more, the Captain or Marla. After the
laughter died down, Captain Teige addressed the group.
"Later that
afternoon the ship's wedding coordinator came up the
Bridge. Laughing her head off, Sheila said she
had just witnessed the strangest wedding of her life.
Putting two and two together, I asked if this might be
connected to that guy who had been hollering for his
mother. Curious, I asked Sheila to fill me in.
She told me about
all the things that went wrong, how no one had any idea
where Rick had gotten to. She explained how
frustrated Marla was and how some of the guests thought
Rick had left her at the altar."
Turning to Marla, the
Captain asked, "So, were you worried? Did you think Rick had
jilted you?"
Marla frowned. "To be
honest, I did not know what to think. No, I did not think Rick had
cold feet. I knew him too well. But I was definitely upset.
No one had any idea why he had disappeared, so I was forced to stand
there for 50 minutes totally in the dark. I was very distressed.
I had gone to considerable effort to plan a beautiful wedding and
someone had mucked it up. I had no idea what was wrong or when
this mix-up would end."
"You had no
idea what was going on?" the Captain asked.
"No idea. Finally the wedding
coordinator came
back to tell me we were waiting for Rick's aunt and mother to get ready.
I was pretty angry when I heard that, but the worst part
came when the wedding coordinator asked if they should they
start serving cocktails to the guests. This
wedding was not cheap. I had paid for two hours of cocktail service and we had already lost an
hour. Frustrated from
standing there an entire hour holding my sad little wilted bouquet, I lost my temper.
First I said, 'No one is celebrating ahead of time!' Then I
told Sheila I was getting married with or without Rick's mother and
aunt. Seeing how angry I was, Sheila said
okay and left as fast as she could. I had tears of frustration, my
make-up was ruined, and I was deeply upset by the delay. Fortunately, moments later I got news that everyone
had arrived. From that point on, my day improved dramatically."
I cringed as I listened to
Marla vent. Noting that the Captain and
everyone else at the table were nodding in sympathy, I felt pretty
rotten. I had a hunch I would hear this story again over the
years. I was proven correct.
Smiling at Marla,
Captain Teige added, "But it worked out in the end, right?"
Marla smiled back.
"Yes, it did, Captain, thank you very much."
Captain Teige resumed speaking to the group.
"There is more to
this story. On the following night at the Captain's
Reception, I was amazed to see so many people dancing to
the Big Band music. Did any of you notice how good
the dancing was?"
After several people nodded,
Captain Teige resumed.
"I had never seen anything like
this on any of my trips. Not just dancing, mind
you, but people who danced like pros. I became curious
to know where these dancers came from, so I sent Julie
to investigate. Julie came back and reported Rick and Marla
had organized this group of
dancers and that they owned a dance studio in Houston. When
Julie heard someone mention a honeymoon, I
began to wonder if this was the same guy I heard calling
for his missing mother. That did it. I had
to meet the ship's most interesting couple, so I
sent Julie over to invite them to dinner."
Turning back to Marla and
me, Captain Teige said, "Judging by your smiles tonight at dinner, you appear to
have survived your wedding ordeal. For this I salute you."
Captain Teige
turned to address the other guests. "How about a toast
for our newlyweds!"
Seeing
everyone raise their glass, Marla and I beamed at the
thoughtful acknowledgment.
Obviously pleased
with himself, the
Captain grinned. Apparently he had planned to bring
this story up at dinner tonight as a topic of conversation.
If so, it worked like a charm.
He wasn't much at small talk, but he had a wicked sense of
humor.
I think Captain Teige had caught on that
I did not mind being the butt of the joke. Which is
true. I take good-natured teasing pretty well.
Sensing this, Captain Teige had no mercy.
"So, Rick,
maybe you can confirm something else."
Groaning
inwardly, I replied, "What might that be?"
"I
heard
you had to borrow another's man shoes to get married.
Is that true?"
Good grief, was there
anything he didn't know? Hoping to get off the hot seat, I just
nodded. I was
miserable. What a thrill to be talk of the table. How
did I ever get so lucky? Fortunately, the Captain
decided to ease up. When he changed the subject to ask the table
for their impressions of the cruise, I assumed the worst was over.
Feeling relieved, I reached for Marla's hand for reassurance. Now
that a combination of champagne plus my strange stories
had loosened everyone up,
I figured I
had weathered the storm. Not so fast. There was
more to come.
It was actually
quite ironic how I got put back on the hot seat.
Without me to pick on,
the conversation grew very tame. Where had
all the laughter gone? As I sipped my champagne,
I
thought to myself how boring the conversation had become.
At the exact moment the word 'boring' crossed my
mind, suddenly I was in trouble again. It began with
an odd topic of conversation.
The lady who had been on the 18 cruises mentioned that the Beatle impersonators
had been
her favorite part of the trip.
"The best
part was watching John Lennon's face when that crazy
woman kissed him! And that was just the start!
I died
when John Lennon invited that crazy woman's girlfriends
to come up on on stage and dance. I have never
seen happier ladies in all my life!"
The lady added
that in all her many
cruises, that was the funniest thing she had ever seen.
And it all seemed so spontaneous! She
asked the Captain if those people were crew members or if
the Beatles had
they found some guests to get in on the act. After
all, the whole thing
seemed so authentic.
In answer to her
question, Captain Teige said he had heard about that incident
and was pretty sure the attack on the Beatles had not been
pre-arranged. Captain Teige was about to say something
else, but then he noticed that Marla and I looked very
uncomfortable. Suspicious, Captain Teige turned to
face us.
"Out of
curiosity, do either of you know something about this?"
Busted.
When neither of us were brave enough to answer, Captain
Teige said, "What about you, Marla? We haven't heard
much from you."
With a smile,
Marla put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Oh, I think
Rick should tell the story. After all, he's had a lot
of practice talking tonight."
When Captain
Teige beckoned for me to speak up, all I could think was 'Thanks
a lot, Marla.' Reluctantly I shared the inside story of
the Beatlemania event to the great amusement of the guests.
"So, Rick,
you must know these people pretty well."
Speaking deadpan, I claimed
innocence. "Not really. I barely know them. Plus I
keep my distance to protect my reputation. I don't want people to think I would ever behave like that.
If you want my opinion,
what those women did was completely inappropriate. I
suggest you confine them to their rooms and teach them a
lesson."
Captain Teige
knew I was teasing. "So you and Marla are upstanding
citizens who would never behave like that?"
"Correct.
However, I do beg your forgiveness. After all, every large group
has a disreputable person or two. Most of the people who came with
us
are completely
dignified. I do not condone this kind of
misbehavior."
Well aware that
I was being facetious, the Captain played along.
"That is good to know.
Incidentally, I heard a wild rumor about a bizarre champagne party.
Julie, you know more about this than I do."
Jackpot Julie
had stood quietly in the background throughout dinner.
Hearing her name called, she took her cue.
"That is not a
rumor, Captain. A large group of people had an
unscheduled champagne party. One night they just took over an empty room
and started drinking. Believe it
or not, nearly 50 bottles of champagne were consumed.
Witnesses said everyone got drunk as a skunk and left
bottles strewn all over the floor. Unfortunately, no one seems to know who those people
were. It has been a real mystery to discover their
identity ever since."
This was all an act.
Captain Teige knew perfectly well who was responsible and so did Julie.
But they pretended otherwise. "Julie, surely you jest.
50 bottles of champagne? How do you suppose they obtained so many
bottles?"
Julie shrugged. "Beats
me. Grand larceny, I guess. One thing I am sure of, it was a
very large group of people to drink that much champagne."
"Why do you say that?"
"For goodness sake,"
Julie said, "200 people at your Captain's
Reception did not drink that much champagne. Who could have
organized such a mob on short notice? Come to think of it, there
sure have been a lot of strange things taking place on this particular
trip."
The Captain looked
at me. "Rick, do you know anything about this?"
Seeing his stern face, I
wanted to crawl under the table. But then he winked to show he was teasing. What a relief! After
admitting I might know something, Captain Teige
quipped, "You and Marla have unique friends."
Marla deferred to me.
Unsure what to say, I just shrugged. "Captain, you have no idea
how weird these people are. It is better that you don't know the
full story."
Captain Teige grinned.
"On the contrary, never a dull moment with your group around.
We need to get you guys on board more often."
