The SSQQ February 2005
Newsletter
Written and edited monthly by Rick Archer |
Headlines |
Previous 2004 Newsletters
Previous 2005 Newsletters |
Bottom of Page |
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INTRO |
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WHAT'S NEW AT SSQQ THIS
MONTH: EZRA CHARLES IS COMING IN
FEBRUARY! |
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ONE |
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A CLOSER LOOK AT THE UPCOMING FEBRUARY
DANCE CLASSES |
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TWO
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PRACTICE NIGHT IN 2005 SUNDAY
THROUGH THURSDAY WILL BE FREE.
VIOLET STEPLIGHTLY
TAKES A CLOSER LOOK! |
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THREE |
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THE THREE SSQQ AMIGOS WIN A WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!!
COACH ANITA WILLIAMS WRITES THE STORY OF THEIR VICTORY! |
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FOUR |
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2005 CRUISE NEWS - THE ALASKA TRIP IN JULY IS
UP TO 50 PEOPLE AND THE SEPTEMBER RHAPSODY TRIP IS UP TO 25. |
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FIVE |
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OH NO! SSQQ IS UNDER ATTACK
AGAIN. PLUS THE ALASKA CRUISE WINS
THE DISTINCTION OF RECEIVING THIS MONTH'S
MOST ANGRY COMPLAINT!! WHAT DOES RICK HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE? |
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SIX |
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THE GREAT SSQQ MYSTERY. SOMETHING
WEIRD IS GOING ON IN SSQQ-LAND. CAN YOU SHED SOME LIGHT? |
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SEVEN |
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A NEW STORY IN "ADVENTURES OF A
DANCE TEACHER": JOYE PURSER - THE LADY WHO WANTED TO LEAD. |
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EIGHT |
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EZRA CHARLES IS COMING TO SSQQ ON
FEBRUARY 19TH!! |
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NINE |
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LETTERS
TO THE EDITOR: SHARON TALBERT / LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: CHRIS
MILLER |
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TEN |
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LETTERS TO THE
EDITOR: CHARLIE ALEXANDER |
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ELEVEN |
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A DISTURBING INCIDENT INVOLVING A
CHALLENGE TO THE SSQQ "NO WATCHING" RULE. RICK IS COMPLETELY
ASHAMED. |
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TWELVE |
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LETTERS TO THE
EDITOR: KYLE CURRY |
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THIRTEEN |
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: MADAME X
ASKS ABOUT CHA CHA |
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FOURTEEN |
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STAFF TRANSITIONS: SSQQ SAYS GOODBYE TO SUSAN
SCHROEDER AND BETHANY DANIELS, HELLO TO PAUL HOLZHAUER |
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FIFTEEN |
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LETTERS
TO THE EDITOR: SSQQ BREAKS UP TWO MARRIAGES! THE SSQQ WEB
IS SLUTTY! |
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SPECIAL FEATURES |
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FEATURE ONE |
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STORY
IN THE NEWS:
IRS CAN HAVE MY KID |
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FEATURE TWO |
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STORY IN
THE NEWS: 2003 DARWIN AWARDS (contributed
by Pat Roberts) |
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FEATURE THREE |
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STORY IN THE NEWS:
RICK REILLY (SPORTS
ILLUSTRATED) RIDES IN AN F-14 FIGHTER PLANE (Judy Walsh) |
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FEATURE FOUR |
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STORY IN
THE NEWS: A DOG
NAMED FRECKLES -
Contributed by Bett Sundermeyer |
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FEATURE FIVE |
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STORY IN THE NEWS: WAL-MART SCAM FALLS FLAT (Rick Archer) |
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FEATURE
SIX |
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STORY IN THE NEWS:
Texas woman buys first ever
cloned-to-order pet |
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START OF THE HEADLINE STORIES SECTION |
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WHAT'S NEW |
RETURN TO HEADLINES |
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WHAT'S
NEW AT SSQQ THIS MONTH |
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WHAT'S NEW AT SSQQ IN FEBRUARY 2005!!
This is one of the most extensive Newsletters
we have ever published. There is a lot going on here at the
studio.
Houston's top Swing Band, Ezra Charles and the Works, are
playing here at SSQQ for our February 19th Valentine's Party.
EIGHT
Dance Classes start Sunday, January 30, and
every day after that for a week!
ONE
SSQQ now has The biggest story of all is the
triumphant victory march of SSQQ's Three Amigos and one Amiga!
Victor Marquez, Joel McClesky, and Randy Winfrey all won UCWDC
World Championships a week ago and lived to talk about it.
Actually, they didn't say a thing, but that amazing dance coach,
Cripple Creek's very own incredible Anita Williams, wrote a
wonderful story telling you how it all happened.
This means that including Texas State Swing Champions Bryan
Spivey and Lisa Palmer, SSQQ now has SIX Champions all under one
roof. Are we blessed? Yes, we are. If you only have
time to read one story, this is the one! Hat's off to all
four talented individuals!
THREE
SSQQ is under attack by another Salsa group.
At this same time last year we were forced to deal with Salsa
Eddy and now it looks like the United Salseros are playing the
same game.
FIVE
The SSQQ July 2005 Cruise to Alaska is doing amazingly well. We
are already up to 50 people and many more are talking about
going. And the September Same Time Next Year Rhapsody
Cruise is up to 25!
FOUR
Speaking of cruises, the SSQQ policy asking
people who want to be part of the SSQQ Group to book with SSQQ
directly angered one SSQQ student quite a bit. That in turn made
me decide to explain exactly where we are coming from. In order
to do that, I had to explain in detail how the Travel Business
works.
FIVE
We received a bizarre phone
call hinting that an SSQQ instructor is secretly hosting a
Country-Western social club. Who could it be? Guess what, I
don't have a clue. Maybe you do! The Great SSQQ Mystery.
SIX
Goodness gracious, Rachel
Koenig had 50 women sign up for Belly Dancing in January!!
And seventeen men signed up to watch (just kidding). Read all
about it!
ssqq employee of month
Last week I made a complete
fool myself when I sabotaged the hard work of our Hall Monitor.
Was I embarrassed? You better believe it. I spent quite a bit of
time soul-searching about the SSQQ House Rules. And I decided to
write a letter to all of you explaining the reasons behind the
SSQQ House Rules. If you are a philosophy major, I am sure you
will enjoy this article.
ELEVEN
We have ten winners of last month's difficult Knight Moves Logic
Puzzle.
1. John Jones (First Time Winner!)
2. Mark Marshall (Second Time Winner!)
3. Susan Arevalo (Sixteen Months in a Row!)
4. Holly Soehnge (Third Month in a Row!)
5. Steve Upchurch (Fourth Victory!)
6. Stephanie Barrow (First Time Winner!)
7. Karen Babb (Five Months in a Row!)
8. Ritesh Laud (Ten Months in a Row!)
9. Ann Faget (Seventeen Months in a Row!)
10. Ruth Feng (Third Victory!)
Are you ready to join the SSQQ Logic Club? If so, this
month's puzzle is a fun one. There is a boy here at SSQQ named
Casey Casanova who is dating five different SSQQ girls on five
different nights. This is fiction, you say? He is starting
to have trouble hiding one girl from the next. Doesn't
sound like fiction to me. Hey, it's a fun puzzle. Go solve it!
NEW logic puzzle
Have you ever had a bad day at work? Well, here's a
picture story about the worst day at work you can imagine!
joke picture of the month
Oh boy, Violet Steplightly is back for the
second month in a row! This devious lady with the poison
pen takes a close look at SSQQ's experiment with free Practice
Nights. Wonder what she has to say?
TWO
SSQQ is accused of breaking up two marriages!
And our web site is called a BAD NAME! Aren't we just a
hotbed of sin all of a sudden!
FIFTEEN
Oh my gosh, there's so much more. There are
33 terrific articles to read. You know what, here's an idea. Go
to the table of contents and just click away!
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THE FEBRUARY
SCHEDULE OF CLASSES
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/schedule.htm |
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FEBRUARY DANCE CLASSES BEGIN THE WEEK
OF SUNDAY, JANUARY 30TH
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/schedule.htm
Gloria Sanchez will offer a course in
Beginning
Lindy Hop on Sundays in February at 4:30. The last time
Gloria taught Lindy Hop, the class was so popular it continued for
nearly half a year! Come discover
the magic of America’s very first Swing
dance, the Lindy!
The Lindy Hop was America's first Swing dance. It is a wonderful
cross between Jitterbug, Charleston, and Shag. Popular in the 20s
through World War II, the Lindy disappeared for 40 years, but has
enjoyed a renewed interest stimulated by the emergence of 90's Swing
music! People ask what is the difference between Swing and Lindy.
Generally speaking, Lindy consists of 8-count patterns and Swing of
6-count patterns, although both dances can have patterns using both
counts. The Lindy's 8-count allows for greater styling and
interpretive movement but, socially, the Lindy is danced to slightly
slower music while Swing works better to faster music.
Intermediate Hustle (formerly known as “Latin Hustle” will be
taught on Sundays at 4:30 by Scott Ladell. Used to Disco music,
Hustle footwork & timing is very similar to West Coast Swing & its
patterns are very similar to East Coast Swing.
Rachel Koenig, also known as “the Zephyr” will be teaching a
four-week BELLY DANCE class on Sunday
evenings.
Put a little shimmy in your life! Let Rachel introduce you to the
seductive art form of beginning belly dance! This course will cover
snake arms, hip circles, hip shimmies, shoulder shimmies, and basic
combinations to use on the dance floor in conjunction with swing and
whip moves.
Loose, comfortable clothing is preferred. Try sweats and a crop-top
t-shirt, leggings and a running halter top with a t-shirt cover, or
just shorts and a t-shirt will do. A scarf, shawl or sarong is
recommended to wrap around your waste as a hip sash to add emphasis
to your movements.
Please take note that last month's course created a huge “buzz” at
the studio. Rachel's Saturday class in January had FIFTY WOMEN in
it. Every woman we talk to says she plans to groove her moves and
swerve her curves to the erotic, sensual music. Rumor has it this
class increases their allure and makes them irresistible to men! One
thing we can tell you - the men were so curious we practically had
to post a security guard outside the door in January!
(Note: Rachel won "SSQQ Employee of the Month"
for her marvelous Belly Dance class. To read more about it,
click here )
Beginning American Tango
will return to Mondays this month. In case no
one has told you, Tango is a very cool dance to learn.
Tango is a timeless symbol for the dark side of romance. The music
is haunting and mysterious.
With songs like "Jalousie" (Jealousy) and "Ecstasie" (Ecstasy),
Tango takes it place in legend as the dance of pride, anger, and
most of all, passion. Stylish and
very dramatic, Tango combines sleek, hip-locked, gliding steps with
abrupt stops into fans, flicks, flares, dips, and lunges. The eerie
music, sultry motion, and the haunting sense of dark moods barely
under control make Tango a truly fascinating dance!
People ask about the difference between American Tango and Argentine
Tango.
Most insiders consider American Tango vastly easier for the
occasional dancer to learn and to use. For starters, American Tango
is more structured than its Argentine counterpart. Using Basketball
for comparison, American Tango relies more
on "set, predetermined plays" while Argentine Tango is more
"improvisational, make-it-up on the spot".
In other words, if Tango becomes your lifestyle and you dance it on
a nightly basis, the more challenging Argentine style might be
preferable. But if you intend to dance the Tango just every so
often, then American Tango is definitely
the place to start.
Intermediate Ballroom
- Tango, Foxtrot, Waltz, Rumba - will be offered on Mondays with
Charlene by request of her January Beginning
class. This overview class covers further steps to all four
of the major Ballroom dances.
The Rumba will be
taught by Tracy King on Mondays in February. The Rumba is a slow,
very elegant dance that is quite sensual and provocative.
The Rumba was a popular dance in middle class Cuba before World War
II. It was introduced into America in the 1920's and 1930s. Rumba is
sometimes called the "Latin Waltz" or "a Waltz with a Sizzle".
Indeed the patterns to both dances are practically interchangeable
while the "Look" of the two dances is completely different.
The Rumba is a "spot dance" because it is danced in one spot on the
floor. The character is romantic and sexy due to the style known
used cuban hip motion.
Danced to certain popular music (e.g. the Beatles’ classic “And I
Love Her”) and to slow beautiful Latin rhythms (Besame Mucho), a
modern use for the Rumba is to slow jazz music such as Diana Krall's
"The Look of Love" or Celine Dion's "Falling into You". It is an
exceptionally graceful, sensual dance that is fairly easy to learn.
Scott Ladell continues his three-month course with
Intermediate Night Club
on Wednesdays. Night Club has become an important Country-Western
competition dance. Night Club is very graceful and quite popular to
western slow tunes.
Danced to slow, romantic songs, Night Club Slow Dance is an unusual
dance perhaps best described as an "active" form of Slow Dancing.
Combining a special blend of Latin footwork and Foxtrot patterns,
Night club is a pretty dance to see and fun to use. Nor is it
difficult to learn.
Although it is always nice to be in love and have the chance to
dance standing still with your amour, but Night Club allows people
without romantic partners to participate as well. You would be
surprised at the number of songs that would normally be considered
"Slow Music" that suddenly become exciting to dance to once you
master this unique dance.
This is a pretty cool dance. You will like it!
MARTIAN WHIP is taught by Rick Archer on
Thursdays. Houston City and Texas State WCS champions Bryan Spivey
and Lisa Palmer teach the Friday night sequel known as the
MARTIAN XTRA class. There is no overlap
between the two nights which means you pay one price and get the
second class for free.
On Fridays in February Scott will be teaching
Ghost Town Level 10.
Are you up for a challenge??
Intermediate Western Cha Cha
comes to Fridays with Rick and Cher. This sexy, ultra cool dance is
danced to Polka-rhythm Western music like “Neon Moon” and “Tequila
Town”. The January Beginner class had 20 people, so come join the
fun!
Cumbia and Tejano Dancing
returns to Saturdays in February with by Luis Castillo. There are
three types of Cumbias: Tejano, Columbian, and Cuban. This course
covers both the Tejano Cumbia, the Tejano Polka, and Cuban Cumbia
(please note the Columbian Cumbia is covered in our Salsa classes).
The Tejano Polka (sometimes called the "Mexican Polka") uses a
walking dance as opposed to the triple step footwork of the Texas
Polka.
Rhythm and Blues Twostep is a popular dance used in
African-American nightclubs. Taught by Willie Bushnell and Ronnie
Alexander, R&B Twosteppin' is a partner dance similar to Zydeco. The
man and woman first dance in closed position, then the man "swings
her out".
The basic is a 6-count whereas Zydeco is an 8-count. Since the
patterns are kind of similar, it can get confusing to learn without
some guidance. Also known as Steppin’ and Swing Out in different
areas, R&B Twostep is the perfect marriage between East coast and
West coast swing. It has east coast footwork but has a strong west
coast flare. It is danced mainly to R&B music such R Kelly's "Step
in the Name of Love."
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PRACTICE NIGHT IN 2005 SUNDAY THROUGH THURSDAY WILL BE FREE.
VIOLET STEPLIGHTLY DECIDES TO COMMENT! |
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During the January Dance
Semester, SSQQ began an experiment with Free
Practice Nights Sunday Night
through Thursday Night each week.
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Insiders (i.e. people taking classes at the studio each night)
will get in for free.
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Insider/Outsiders (i.e. ssqq students with
current month Class
Receipts but who were not in class that night) who arrive after
9 pm
will be charged $2 to participate.
- Guest
(i.e. people not currently taking ssqq dance classes) will be
charged $3 to participate.
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Our regular Friday Dance Night will stay the same
as the old days. It costs $3 for Insiders, $4 for
Insider/Outsiders/$5 for Guests.
We have installed
a vending machine in the Drink Room so you can purchase soft drinks
from it at any time you wish. Probably sometime
late in February we will add a second vending machine and stock it
with bottled water.
The popcorn is still served at no
charge and of course the water fountain is
always be available.
Initial results from the change have been
promising. There were several nights on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and
Thursdays in particular where the dancers stretched wall to wall.
Ballroom Practice has improved on Mondays and Whip has definitely
picked up on Sundays. We will keep you posted.
VIOLET STEPLIGHTLY WRITES
ABOUT PRACTICE NIGHT
(Editor's Note: Ms. Steplightly
is one of our dance students who also loves to write. She has an
interesting style of penmanship as you will soon see. In response to
some pointed queries about Ms. Steplightly, I would like to reassure
all of you that this is NOT a "nom de plume" for a certain Mr. or
Mrs. Archer. You have my word of honor on this. RJA)
Hello fellow dancers! I
hope 2005 is treating everyone well so far.
Although the year is still young, I can already tell it will be a
great year for dancing at SSQQ. Last
year I lived for Practice Night. I am a dance junkie, what can I
say? So when I see Rick has announced
they are free, I am ready to jive in
Zero-Five.
But surprise surprise, my social life is picking up! I met a boy,
but I won't say where. You might have me
pegged. Let's just say I have not been able to attend as many
Practice Nights as I had expected to. Although my dance skills are
eroding, my heart is aflutter. Nevertheless I still keep a close
pulse on ssqq happenings and I have heard that the attendance has
significantly increased from last month.
I wonder why? Perhaps people made New Year's Resolutions to spend
more time on the dance floor. Perhaps people just wanted to take
some time off during the holiday season, although I cannot imagine
why anyone would want to do a silly thing like that. But here's my
theory. Maybe people are staying for practice because they no
longer have to pay for it.
That's right. Students don't have to pay. What
about that? Personally I thought this was a great idea, but
then I don't drink beer. I hear the beer drinkers would cry in
their beer... if they could only get one!
So sad. No beer, no cheer, what are we doing here? I bet I know -
chasing the babes! C'mon boys,
dancing is not about drinking beer. Save it for football. Dancing
is about making the girls happy, making them pant and smile. You
don't need beer for that, now do you? Just
a few dance moves and a little rhythm will go a long way!
I like free Practice. In the old days I had to skip Practice a few
times because I either forgot to bring any money or the hall
monitor did not have change for my twenty. Rather than sit and
wait for her to accumulate change, it was easier for me to leave.
This was difficult because I love Practice Night, but you can
imagine how easy the "I don't have cash" excuse is for someone who
just does not want to stay in the first place. After my first
January class, I polled my classmates to see if anyone was staying
for Practice. The general response was "Sure, why not? I mean, it
IS free now." One excuse down.
I am a bargain shopper. When I grocery shop, I compare prices,
product weight, etc. When I pay for a dance class, I show up for
all the parallel classes. When I pay $2.00 for Practice, I drain
every last drop out of the night. I am fortunate enough to live
near the studio, so I can be in bed ten minutes after I step off
the dance floor. However, I know others who live in the Woodlands,
Katy, Spring, Cypress, Sugarland, Bay City, and Pearland, and they
all have to work in the morning to support their dance addiction.
Dancing all night is not the most energy-friendly option when
working a nine-to-five, and these people are bargain shoppers too.
They could not see the value in paying to dance only five or ten
minutes, even if it was only $2.00. Whether you stay for one song
or one hour, anyone can see the value in dancing for free. Two
excuses down. I have a couple friends, an older couple, in my
class. Actually they aren't that old, just older than me. They
live in Bellaire. Now that's a tough drive.
They said they were too tired to dance after class. I looked at
them and said, "You have got to be kidding! It's free, for crying
out loud. Stay for a dance or two. You're going to forget
everything you learned otherwise." When I left at 10 pm, there
they were out there dancing their heads off. I think they are a
mess.
Before the new Practice Night policy took effect, I was sometimes
successful in convincing unwilling friends to pay for practice,
but it often ended poorly. Most of the time, the problem was that
I could only manage to convince women to stay, and then there
would be a shortage of leads. One disappointed woman said, "We can
chit-chat in the parking lot for free." Touché.
Last night one of my girlfriends wanted to tell me something about
a boy. We stood right there in the middle of room yapping away.
Guess what? Not one person came to tell us to pay or go. Don't
think I didn't notice. What a pleasure it was to have a pleasant
talk on a couch instead of sitting on top of someone's car
wondering if I'm going to get busted. Did I mention I like free
Practice Night? After the talk I went into Room 1 and managed
three dances before I decided to call it a night.
Other incidents involved paying for Practice Night the next
morning. I have received several angry e-mails from someone
ranting (you know who you are, and YES YOU WERE RANTING) about how
they were falling asleep at their desk after staying up too late.
For the record, I did not twist your arm to stay at practice, then
go to Wild West, and then go home with some random cowboy. What
kind of dancing did you do there? Yes, I said it!! I can't say
more or there goes my secret identity; oh we can't have that
happen, can we? Another great change about Practice Night is that
I see more instructors in attendance than I saw last year. I know
the staff members are all tired after working a day job and then
helping the rest of us remove our extra left foot in class, but it
is great to see them stick around after class.
If nothing else, it is inspiring to see such experienced dancers
as the SSQQ staff when they really let loose and flaunt their
talent. Some of those people can dance!
So, friends, if you have not attended a Practice Night this year,
do it. It is a great way to get to know your fellow dancers, and
it is the best way to make use of your classes. Grab your buddies,
get some popcorn, and join the fun in Room One. And as for you
men, be sure to ask as many women to dance as you can. Who knows,
one of them might be me! You will be in for such a treat. I smile
a lot when I dance.
Yours in dance,
Violet Steplightly
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's looking...
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THE THREE SSQQ AMIGOS WIN A WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!
COACH ANITA WILLIAMS TELLS THE STORY OF HOW VICTOR MARQUEZ, JOEL
MCCLESKY,
AND RANDY WINFREY ALL BECOME UCDWC WORLD CHAMPIONS! |
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JOEL McCLESKEY, VICTOR MARQUEZ, RANDY WINFREY ARE
2005 UCWDC WORLD DANCE CHAMPIONS!
Story written by Anita Williams
Hi Rick,
I'm back from one of the most exciting World's Dance Championships
imaginable with great news. Both Joel and Victor and Randy are UCWDC
World's champions!
(FYI: UCWDC is short for United Country-Western
Dance Council) |
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As you know Joel and Victor have been practicing since the first of
last year in anticipation of going to Worlds. We have attended
various competitions throughout the year in order to qualify.
Overall we did very well. We won or placed in the top three at many
of the events, but in addition to the victories we had a great time
at these events competing and meeting new friends.
This was Joel's first year on the circuit. Many of the other pros
were raving about him. Joel was indeed the golden boy!
He was so incredible at every competition. Since Victor had been on
the circuit last year, it was old hat for him! He had to move to a
harder division and he still did remarkably well. Victor has
received many compliments from the other pros on the circuit. I keep
hearing some of the guys refer to Victor as "The Man" since he is
such a natural performer!
By the time Worlds got here, we were going out of our minds with the
anticipation!
Unfortunately things quickly got crazy… First, our flight was
cancelled; Joel called me en route to the airport to tell me. As
luck would have it when we got to the gate Southwest put us on an
earlier flight that was late in departing. I called Joel and Ruth
and they came scurrying over to the counter to get on the same
flight. I'm thinking, SWEET, this turned out to be OK, until we got
to Nashville…and our luggage was still back in Houston! I would have
panicked, but I'd been down this road before so I knew that when you
compete, you NEVER check your costume or your boots. At least I had
those with me!
When we got to the hotel I gave my hanging bag with the priceless
costume/boot ensemble to the bell captain to take to our room once
we got checked in. We get checked in with no problem. I called Joel,
who was not feeling too well by the way, to see if he wants to go
down to the ballroom and do a quick run through on our routines. He
says OK so I decide to go get my hanging bag, well guess what, they
can't find it. Panic sets in. WHERE IS MY BAG! They look and look as
I stand there with the claim ticket in hand. I know Joel is waiting
for me, so I call him to let him know that I need my bag so that I
can retrieve my boots. Well it turns out that Joel had the hanging
bag all along. WHEW!
OK, we go practice when, uh oh, we discover Joel is SICK! Not just a
little cold, no, Joel has a fever and a glassy eyed stare. Even
worse I lost my composure when I realized Joel was so white I could
see through him! Joel made Casper the Friendly Ghost look like a
surfer at Malibu. We go through runs and Joel disappears to collapse
until the next day. Victor gets in and we run through his routines
and now I'm thinking of two things, "Joel's sick and where is my
luggage?!"
As many of you know I have had a problem with the joint in my ankle
for quite some time. Prior to leaving for Worlds I visited with my
doctor about having corrective surgery and we set a date. I have
been limping now for months. I can't run, I can barely walk, and I
dance in pain. I want this surgery so bad I can taste it! I am sick
of Rick calling me "The Cripple". Now I'm mentally prepared for the
surgery and the recovery time when guess what, my Doctor calls
(right after the lost luggage and Joel sick incident) to tell me
that he is canceling my surgery to go treat Tsunami Victims. All
right, he is being noble and the poor flood victims are suffering a
lot more than I am, but I've been in pain for six months waiting for
this moment and now I'm getting even crazier. Lost Luggage, Joel
sick, surgery postponed, I can barely walk much less dance, OK, I'm
panicking!
I retreat to my room with tears in my eyes to continue the quest for
the lost luggage when finally at 8:30 (after a series of phone calls
to an automated voice mail system) it arrives.
AAAHHH, now I can sleep and tomorrow, competition day, will be
great!! WRONG… I toss and turn all night. Nightmares of everything
that can go wrong on the dance floor have me scared to death. I wake
up coughing. Oh no, am I sick? Joel, I'm gonna kill you! Please
don't let me be sick! I find a cough pill and somehow drift back to
sleep again.
It seems like the moment I fall asleep the alarm goes off and the
phone rings. I roll out of bed and prepare for the next six hours or
so of competition, first with Joel in the Crystal Newcomer division,
then after that with Victor in the Crystal Novice division. (Crystal
is 30 - 40 years old) Yes things are SOO much better than the day
before. I am busy drying my hair 15 minutes before I need to be in
the ballroom when suddenly the room goes dark. There is NO POWER!!!
I could go into a lot of detail here, but let me just say as I stood
in the dark with droplets of water from my hair forming a puddle on
the floor, I began to wonder what I had done to get the gods so
pissed off at me!! Why Me, Zeus?
Then I think about the Tsunami people fighting for their lives and
figure if they can survive, so can I. My bad attitude improves ever
so slightly.
OK, I made it to the ballroom, Joel was wondering where in the world
I was. I took one look at him and I knew it was going to be a rough
day for us. Joel was so feverish!! Then he took one look at my hair
and thought, "She looks worse than I do!"
Competition requires concentration and good health! We had neither!
It probably requires good hair too. We don't have a chance. We
managed to make it through his rounds. Believe it or not, Joel -
bless his heart - did remarkably well, sick or not!! After we
finished, I noticed Joel's fiancée Ruth was sick too. My paranoia
kicks in again. Oh no, what if I am next? Now I had something else
to worry about. Joel left after his competition and I did not see
him again until the next day. He and Ruth spent the better part of
Worlds hiding in their room trying to recuperate from their illness.
It's just as well they disappeared. Dancers are a notoriously
superstitious lot to begin with and probably would have treated Joel
like an escapee from the Leper Colony.
Victor and I competed after that in the Crystal Novice division. Mr.
Victory was on fire! I knew it was his day! I want to mention it was
about this time I noticed that SSQQ instructor Randy Winfrey was
dancing with his pro over in the Diamond Novice division (Diamond is
40 - 50 years old). Randy was on his game too! In fact I have never
seen Randy dance better. I was hoping Randy would win, but then I
started to worry he might compete against us later in another
division. Oh great. Another thing to worry about! I was a nervous
wreck.
We had to do it all again the next day, competing in what's called
the "open" category. "Open" is just what it says, anyone can
compete, regardless of age within their Division. So I had Joel in
Open Newcomer and Victor in Open Novice. I tossed and turned the
whole night worrying about Joel. He had worked so hard all year and
to be this sick was heartbreaking.
The next day Joel felt a little better. Overall he danced much
better than the preceding day and Victor had a good day too. Sure
enough, it turned out that Randy had decided to join Victor in the
open division competition. As I watched him dance, I could tell he
was looking really good! This was going to be close!
Later on we gathered in the ballroom at 11:30 that night to get the
results of the previous day's competition…this is so
nerve-racking!!! The way they announce the results is to call the
names in reverse. You just keep hoping that they don't call your
guy's name, which literally means that he's the last man standing.
Well, all three of our men were the last men standing! Can you
believe that! Yes, Joel and Victor and Randy each won his particular
division. First place! I was elated, especially for Joel knowing
what he had to overcome.
Fast-Forward to the next night. It was time to hear the results for
the Open category. Both of my guys really wanted this one!! Joel
ended up coming in second; I was ecstatic! Then it came Victor and
Randy's turn. They kept calling names, no Victor, no Randy, no
Victor, no Randy…It finally came down to just the two of them
standing. Can you imagine, do you know how big America is? Then add
guys from Europe and Mars and the other continents and the last two
guys standing in the Universe are from SSQQ!! What are the odds of
that happening?
All these people training the entire year to compete against each
other and now two guys from the same dance studio in Houston are all
that is left? What a remarkable conclusion! This is how they do it
in the movies, but here the true story unfolds the same way! I am so
nervous; I suddenly realize all my nails are gone. Who cares?
In the end they called Randy's name first. This meant Randy had
placed second and Victor had won. We were all happy for each other.
We hugged and shook hands and congratulated each other on our
victories. There was a large crowd in the audience from Houston and
they were all applauding for us. Once we got on the podium I
whispered to Randy, "Wait till Rick Archer gets word of this!"
Victor, Randy, and Joel were amazing, but their success was not the
only Local story up at Worlds. I also want to mention that we have
quite a few ladies who are currently at SSQQ or who started here
that did very well in their divisions also.
Christine Sandal came in third, Cher Longoria came in seventh (First
Place in Twostep!!) and Priscilla Hamic came in ninth. And I just
remembered that Gary Thorpe came in fourth in his category, but he's
not a girl, is he? Okay, so what, we'll mention him too. Then
Christine danced with her honey Victor and they finished fifth in
the couples division. What an amazing group of dancers we have
around this studio!
I have told these guys again and again what a privilege and a
pleasure it has been took work with Victor and Joel. I have loved
every minute of this experience with them. What a joy it has been to
be their coach. I am so very proud of them. They both worked so hard
and they deserve their titles completely, totally, and undeniably.
Victor and Joel are AWESOME DANCERS!
(Editor's Note: Anita Williams
is too humble to state the obvious. It is an amazing fact that
Anita has coached Victor to two consecutive World Championships
and now Joel to his first. Nor are Anita's accomplishments limited
strictly to the "Coaching Realm". Back in 2003 Anita was a vital
member of the SSQQ Heartbeat Dance Team that won the World Team
Championship. At the same competition Anita won an individual
Championship in the West Coast Swing division.
Add it up. Anita Williams is a Five Time UCWDC World
Champion!
That is pretty impressive folks, especially when you see that she
is practically crippled with her ankle problem. Fortunately she
dances much better than she walks, but to perform as well as she
does on that ankle and to have the strength to block out the pain
is downright incredible. This is a very talented woman.
Another thing you may not realize is that when Victor and Joel are
out there achieving all their glory, Anita is out there too! These
competitions are Pro-Am. Joel and Victor are the amateurs; Anita
is the Professional. No matter how much she hurts, for these men
to win, Anita has to put on a show as well. Anita is quite a
dancer in her own right!
For example, Houston Comet Coach Van Chancellor may have seen his
US Women's Basketball Team win the Olympic Gold Medal last summer
in Athens, but he wasn't out there on the court shooting the ball.
By contrast, Coach Anita was out there on the floor dancing her
heart out with both men. Joel and Victor could not have won
without Anita matching them step for step and looking wonderful in
the process. The point is: not only can Anita coach, the girl can
also dance a lick or two.
Switching topics, did you know that Joel and Ruth are getting
married on Saturday, January 29th.
I would say they are having a
busy January!
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And Randy is getting married to the lovely Melissa Gauthier on
Saturday, April 30th.
Look what all this dancing does to these
men!
It makes them so romantic….
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And what about Coach Williams? Anita says her ankle surgery has
been rescheduled for February 4th. After she heals, Anita says she
will be fast enough to chase men again sometime around April. If
you're a guy, my attitude is "why wait?" After all, the girl can
dance, but heck, right now she's a sitting duck!
Switching off of Romance and getting back to Dance, I would like
to mention Scott Ladell has begun training ladies to compete in
the Western Pro-Ams just like Anita has been coaching the men.
Scott is a pretty gifted dancer in his own right and his classes
are extremely popular due to his teaching excellence. If you would
like to compete or at least talk it over, contact Scott at
scottladell@houston.rr.com
Bryan Spivey, the current Texas State Swing Champion, is accepting
students to dance Pro-Am with him as well. If you want to get into
the Competition West Coast Swing Game, contact Bryan at
bubbamotion@yahoo.com
Coach Anita should be up and running in April. If you are ready to
let her work her coaching magic on you, contact Anita at
anitawilliams1@juno.com
I would like to conclude by saying how grateful I am that SSQQ has
been graced with the presence of so many talented people! My hat
goes off to Victor Marquez, Joel McClesky, Randy Winfrey, Coach
Anita, as well as to Cher Longoria, Christine Sandal, Gary Thorpe,
and Priscilla Hamic. You all have opened the door and set a
standard of excellence that will likely encourage many others to
follow in your footsteps.
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2005 CRUISE NEWS
- THE ALASKA TRIP IN JULY IS UP TO 50 PEOPLE AND THE SAME TIME NEXT
YEAR RHAPSODY CRUISE IS UP TO 25 PEOPLE |
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In 2005, Marla and I have two trips planned. In July we take a
dream trip on RCCL's Radiance to view the magnificent beauty of
Alaska. Then in late September we have our Same Time Next Year
Rhapsody Reunion Cruise.
THE JULY 2005 SSQQ CRUISE TO ALASKA (SATURDAY, JULY 16 -
SATURDAY, JULY 23)
(THIS TRIP ALREADY HAS 50 PEOPLE SIGNED UP!)
http://ssqq.com/information/alaska2005.htm
CONTROVERSY!! THE
ALASKA TRIP HAS GENERATED THE MOST BITTER COMPLAINT OF THE
MONTH!
WHAT COULD THIS STORY BE?
CLICK HERE
THE SEPTEMBER 2005 RHAPSODY REUNION CRUISE - SAME TIME NEXT
YEAR!
(THIS TRIP ALREADY HAS 26 PEOPLE SIGNED UP!)
http://ssqq.com/information/rhapsody2005.htm
A trip as magnificent as the one we just completed has the
makings of MANY SEQUELS. The easiest way to get an idea of
what's ahead is to read again what just happened.
As most of you know, Marla and I got married aboard the 2004
Rhapsody Trip. This special event set the tone for the most
spirited group we have ever seen. I cannot begin to explain all
the trouble these characters got into. There was SO MUCH
MISCHIEF it took me nearly two months to write about all the
crazy things that happened. I completed the write-up on the
Rhapsody Cruise just recently.
Including stories about the infamous "Elevator Ride", Da Jammer,
the Attack of the Zombies, Champagne Night, Wedding Fiascos,
Tales of the Captain, and of course the Legend of Mr. Handsome,
the trip write-up makes for scintillating bed-time reading. Just
pop that laptop onto your belly with a 20 foot Roadrunner Cable
and read deep into the night!
PLUS in addition to all the vicious RUMORS, we have PICTURES of
people like Mr. Handsome, Center of Attention, The Great Gabino,
Lollobridgida, Grapevine, the Goldmine, and all the Usual
Suspects. We have the Beatles Story, the Bloodbath Volleyball
Match at Cozumel, Bar Hopping, Zizzling Birds and Bees Gossip,
and best of all the Steamy Gatorade Hot Tub Tales. Do you want
to hear some juicy scandal?? Do you want to see pictures of Mr.
Handsome strutting in girl's? Do you want to see pictures of the
Great Gabino sucking the blood right out of… well if I write
more this email won't get past any of the spam censors, now will
it??
Read for yourself! Then decide if you want to be part of the
lunacy on the next trip!
Last year:
http://ssqq.com/information/rhapsody2004home.htm
Same Time Next Year.
http://ssqq.com/information/rhapsody2005.htm
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THE ALASKA CRUISE
HAS THE DISTINCTION OF RECEIVING FEBRUARY'S
MOST ANGRY COMPLAINT AWARD!
"To be included as a part of the SSQQ group, you must book your
cruise through SSQQ. NO EXCEPTIONS!" |
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Where do rules come from? Usually one
jerk does something so utterly stupid that they ruins things for
the rest of us.
A simple example are Stop Signs in the middle of nowhere. We
have one on a corner in the Heights where I live. One day there
was a terrible two-car collision. Some idiot who ran a stop
sign. So they added a Stop Sign in the other direction as well
and made it a four-way stop. As a result for the past ten years
I have to slow down and stop even though I see at most one car a
month coming from the other direction. I might add that car
always stops anyway because there is a Stop Sign on the other
street. As I said, it only takes one jerk...
People hate rules! So do I for that matter. I am one of
the biggest rebels on earth. But in my position as owner of
SSQQ, I find myself making up rules all the time!
One of the reasons I make up rules is to protect my business
from predators. I am stunned at the number of people who
continually try to exploit our business. Just as a simple
example, practically every week our students leave the studio
only to find flyers on their cars promoting a competing dance
event.
You don't believe me?
Last Spring in
2004 we
had a very ugly incident when a man named Salsa Eddy repeatedly
came to our studio to recruit our students for his dance program
right on our own floor. He also enjoyed putting flyers on our
cars.
And back in 1997 we had the humiliating experience of having a
dance team stolen from us, teachers stolen from us, and our
class syllabuses stolen from us by an organization known as HSDS. As if that wasn't bad enough,
just to rub salt in our wounds, they sent "agents" over to the
studio to pass out flyers to our students right on the dance
floor! These incidents were so exasperating that they led
to four solid years of bitterness between our two organizations.
If you are curious, go read the "HSDS-SSQQ Swing Feud" at
http://ssqq.com/archive/vinlin14.htm
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Now we have yet another organization trying
to muscle in without permission. For the last several weeks, the
United Salseros have been gleefully announcing their activities
by leaving flyers on the hoods of all the cars of our students.
Here's the latest flyer from Tuesday, January 26.
However I have to hand to these guys. They are throwing an angle
at me that is unprecedented. They actually had the nerve to
email me a thank you note for giving them permission to do this.
You don't believe me? Read for yourself. |
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-----Original Message-----
From: United Salseros
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005 10:43 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Thank You from United Salseros
I
would like to say thank to SSQQ for allowing United Salseros to
invite your students to our salsa events. Our goal is to have a
place that caters to the dancers. We wanted a place that played
great salsa music with very little/no interruption. We wanted a
place that would not increase the cost of water simply because
salseros do not drink very much. We wanted a smoke-free
environment with plenty of space and a great floor at little
cost to the dancers.
I know that SSQQ students make up part of this crowd. We are in
no way trying to intrude on your classes or events. We feel
that purpose of teaching someone to dance is so that can use
those skills outside of the classroom. At this juncture, you
are the only studio that allows us to disseminate our
information. And for that we are truly grateful.
(No Name)
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005 11:14 AM
To: United Salseros
Subject: RE: Thank You from United Salseros
For your
information, no one with authority has given you permission to
advertise your events at my dance studio.
I request
that you stop immediately leaving flyers on our cars in the
parking lot. I have received many complaints from my students
who do not appreciate this practice.
Thank you.
Rick Archer
-----Original Message-----
From: United Salseros
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005 1:15 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: RE: Thank You from United Salseros
Thank you for
the response, although disappointing. I have spoken with quite
a few students from SSQQ and get quite the contrary. Many
posted messages that they would like to be approached and want
to interact with dancers from other studios, clubs, etc. Would
it be a problem if we contacted you directly and left flyers
with you for those that are interested in the events?
(No Name)
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005 1:32 PM
To: United Salseros
Subject: RE: Thank You from United Salseros
Please just
leave us alone. We mean you no harm.
I would like to add it is very
disconcerting to be dealing with a nameless, faceless
organization. What do you have to hide?
I at least use my name.
Rick Archer
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These various incidents have taught me that
it's a dog eat dog jungle out there and we have to protect
ourselves. If we don't, then as we have learned the hard way,
people like the "United Salseros" will walk all over us.
There was a bizarre incident last summer where a couple had
emailed Marla several times about going on the 2004 Rhapsody
Trip. Then for reasons that still make no sense, they bypassed
Marla and signed up for the trip with another travel agency.
Oddly enough, they paid $170 more for their ticket than if they
would have paid by booking through Marla.
Don't ask "why?" because I have never figured that one out.
But they did immediately ask if Marla would arrange their
seating for them at our tables. They definitely wished to be
part of our group. Since I did not have a rule forbidding this
action and because I actually LIKED both people, I told Marla to
make them feel welcome. But I decided this was this last time.
There had been several previous incidents along this line, but
this was the incident that made me decide to put my foot down.
Now you know where this rule came from:
"To be included as a part of the SSQQ group, you must book your
cruise through SSQQ. NO EXCEPTIONS!"
This week I discovered it turns out that
someone out there doesn't like this rule one bit. He complained
bitterly about the injustice to an SSQQ Staff Member who passed
his tale on to me. Here's the story:
THE DISGRUNTLED
GENTLEMAN WHO WANTED TO SAVE $49!!
As Julius Caesar once said in his Gallic writings, "Omnes viae
Romam ducunt." Translation: "All roads lead to Rome".
However JC had very poor handwriting. For years no scholar was
able to understand what his next sentence said. Just recently
Caesar's mystery text has finally been deciphered. It turns out
this is what it said, "All complaints
will eventually reach Rick."
What an Amazing Prognostication! And
how true! I get more complaints than
you could ever imagine.
Recently I found out Thru the Grapevine that a certain SSQQ
student was very bitter about our new cruise rule: "To be
included as a part of the SSQQ group, you must book your cruise
through SSQQ. NO EXCEPTIONS!"
The student was very bitter about this rule
because he thought he could book next July's Alaska
Cruise at a cheaper price than we had listed
on our web site. It turns out this student had discovered
a travel agent who in his opinion was selling the same trip at
$49 less than SSQQ. He related this story to
an SSQQ Staff Member who then passed it on to me.
I have no idea whether his claim is correct or not.
My source preferred not to share his
name or where he thought he could get a better price. All I
heard about were the sour grapes.
Why do you suppose this gentleman was interested in this
particular trip in the first place?
After all, there are a dozen cruise lines operating in the
Alaskan waters and literally hundreds of trips to choose from
next summer. How do you suppose out of all those infinite
choices our Disgruntled Gentleman (DG for short) managed to
choose this particular July trip to be the one he wanted to go
on?
My guess it that he chose this one-in-a-hundred sailing because
he knows a group from SSQQ is going. He knows this will be a
great trip because SSQQ has a well-established reputation for
putting together terrific group trips. He wants all the benefits
being part of our group, but doesn't want to pay the extra $49.
He figures because he has taken a dance class here at SSQQ, he
should get included in the group automatically. Sorry, DG, the
dance classes will get you some free popcorn
at Practice Night, but that's on land.
This is Sea we are talking about.
So let's analyze his thinking. What if DG was part of our group?
What would his benefits be?
My guess is DG wanted to come along
because he heard being part of a large SSQQ Group has
many advantages!!
As it stands, the SSQQ July 2005 Alaska Cruise has turned out to
be a great idea. In the old days, I used to schedule our Summer
Cruise Trips in January and announce them in February. Now that
we actually have someone with some brains involved, Marla
suggested scheduling the trip in October. Why
didn't I think of that? As a
result, we already have 50 passengers signed up in January and a
huge buzz behind that solid number.
What will our eventual numbers be? Let me just say that
"100" is not out of the question. This may be an expensive trip,
but it has turned out to be a trip a lot of people have wanted
to take all their lives.
The whole reason most of us have never made it to Alaska before
is because most of us were waiting for the right person or the
right group to share the experience with. Traveling with a group
like ours means you can always find a friend for any
occasion.
Who on earth would want to take an exciting train ride deep into
the heart of the magnificent Alaska forest alone?
Or what's the point of visiting the famous Denali National Park
all by yourself? Eagles, caribou, grizzlies, and moose wander
everywhere. Half the fun of seeing these animals is the chance
to point them out to a friend or loved one!
What's the fun of witnessing the grandeur of the massive Hubbard
Glacier or magnificence of America's largest mountain - the
towering Mt. McKinley - all by yourself?
What's the joy of hiking rugged trails through glacial
waterfalls outside Juneau alone?
And who would dream of taking a sea kayak trip on the protected
harbor of Tongass National Park without a friend to share the
boat ride?
I suppose some people can be happy reflecting on the
rugged beauty of Alaska all by themselves, but most people would
rather have a friend to share this magnificent experience with.
One nice thing about our SSQQ Groups is how
easy it is to make friends.
After a full day of excitement, Dinner Time becomes marvelous
fun when you travel with a group like ours. People in our group
become friends quickly. After turning everyone into stew in the
hot tub and wining and dining them at
our first Cocktail Party, the slows and the quicks all start to
move at the same speed.
From that moment on each evening
offers the chance to share stories of the fantastic adventures
of the day. Imagine what the trip would be like sitting with a
bunch of strangers all week. It is so much better to hang with a
close group of friends who you will be able to see again back in
Houston. When you travel as a Loose Moose instead of with the
Herd, anyone you meet on the trip likely becomes "Here Today
Gone Tomorrow". But when you travel with our group, a friend
found in Alaska could become a friend for life.
If it is possible for the sightseeing to get old, SSQQ Dancing
becomes another marvelous reason to be a part of the group.
Let's face it, when SSQQ isn't around, dancing DOES NOT happen
on these cruises - at least not the way we are used to dancing.
We become instant Cruise Celebrities simply because our group
brings so much energy to each trip.
And the trip doesn't end when you return home. There's an "After
Trip" Party. There's the racy Trip Story. After all, what if you
do something spectacularly naughty? How is the whole world going
to find out without our cheerful gossip about the Trip? And what
about the countless pages and pages of incriminating pictures to
take you down memory lane that will stay on our website forever?
Just imagine how amazing the Alaska pictures will be!
And what about Romance? If you are a couple, what could be more
romantic than a spectacular adventure like this? Do you know
that lots of couples like to go with our group? The proof is in
the pudding - we literally have over a dozen couples that try to
make each SSQQ trip they can. And the success of our trips with
Singles is legendary. Who can take one look at our
record-setting hot tub-stuffing parties and not immediately
conclude that the birds and bees are way out of control?
There are many other advantages to
traveling with a large group like ours that you would never get
if you traveled alone. Due to the size of our large groups, we
get free cocktail dance parties, we get champagne, we get dance
lessons, and we get free room upgrades. And gosh, I bet those
ship cabins sure get expensive without a roommate. SSQQ Cruises
always make the "need-a-roommate" problem conveniently
disappear.
The reason we insist you book with SSQQ if you intend to hang
with SSQQ is as plain and simple as "Frontier Life". Back in the
days of Cowboys and Indians, if you were afraid of the Indians,
you lived inside the Fort. Or you lived near town. Or you
lived near other
people. A few close neighbors meant
safety. It's called "Community". But it also meant you
had to risk your own neck once in a while when the Community was
attacked.
In other words, if you want the benefits of a group, then
you must contribute to the group and accept the rules of the
group.
After our last Rhapsody trip I wrote at great length why it is
important for each person to stick together and be part of the
SSQQ Group. If there is any doubt in your mind, please read what
I had to say:
http://ssqq.com/information/travelquestions.htm
(Travel Questions).
But when it comes to our Disgruntled Gentleman, I suppose it is
the nature of the beast to want to have your cake and eat it for
half price. After listening to the story of DG, the thing that
made no sense to Marla was that he claimed he could find a way
to improve on our prices. Marla did a quick Internet check that
confirmed the SSQQ prices are currently running $150 to $350
below Royal Caribbean's list price for the same trip!
Take a look for yourself:
Here is how to understand the picture taken
from the Royal Caribbean Web Site above.
First add $27 in taxes to each of the RCCL prices. This bumps up
Interior Cabin from 1199 to 1226, Oceanview from 1534 to 1561,
and Balcony from 1779 to 1806. Now compare these prices to
the SSQQ prices for the same categories:
As of January 26th, the RCCL price for an Inside Cabin including
taxes was $1226
and our price was $1027. That is a $199
difference.
The RCCL price for an Oceanview was $1561
and our price was $1216. That is a $245
difference.
The RCCL price for a Balcony was $1806
and our price was $1452. That is a $354
difference.
Then for the fun of it I sent Marla to
the web site of Houston's largest Travel Agency. Known for their
excellent discounts, as of January 26th she found their Inside
Cabin price was $1158 (our price is
1027), their Oceanview was $1483
(our price is 1216), and their Balconies were $1738
(our price is 1452).
After comparing our prices to Royal
Caribbean's Internet list and to Houston's largest Travel
Agency, it certainly appears like the SSQQ prices are
actually quite a bargain.
I asked Marla why our prices were lower. She explained that our
price is way below market for the simple reason that she got a
Special Group Rate based on our group performance from our two
trips last year. In addition Marla got an excellent price
by booking a group trip so far in advance! Now
thanks to Marla, SSQQ is an RCCL favorite.
Our Internet price is so low we have even had suspicious
travel agents call up to question how we got that price. In
other words, the SSQQ price is terrific.
So you might ask, "Even though the SSQQ prices are
significantly lower than prices published on the Internet, is it
still possible the Disgruntled Gentleman can actually find a
price $49 lower?"
The answer is: Maybe.
It may be that DG was confused about the prices.
Since it is common not to list hidden charges
such as taxes and port fees, sometimes it is very tricky to make
accurate comparisons.
However there might be another explanation. It is
possible that Disgruntled Gentleman
found a travel agent willing to discount their
own commission.
The cruise industry would love to find a way to completely
bypass Travel Agents. If they could cut out
the middle man they could lower costs and boost profits. Several
of our passengers on the recent trip almost signed up while they
were still on board one day when an announcement came over the
Intercom hinting at huge savings if people would book their next
trip RIGHT NOW. This was an example of how the cruise
industry is trying cut out the middle
man by booking customers on
another trip before they even leave the ship
Do you blame them? I certainly
understand this thinking. Commissions to travel agents
have been a curse to Cruise Lines because
they can be manipulated to the Travel Agent's advantage.
For example, let's say Royal Caribbean wants $1500 per booking.
If RCCL books the customers by themselves, they pocket the
entire $1500. But if a Travel Agent gets involved they expect a
commission in return
for their service. Assume
RCCL will give the travel agent a
commission of say $100.
However this opens RCCL to being
undersold by the travel agent.
Here is how it works:
If DG goes directly to the RCCL Web Site, he
pays $1500. But if Disgruntled Gentleman
finds a convenient Travel Agent, he can pay the travel
agent $1450, then the travel agent
turns around and pays RCCL $1500. Then
in a couple months further down the line
the travel agent gets back $100 in commission.
Disgruntled Gentleman saves $50, the
travel agent makes $50, and RCCL loses
out on $100.
Now you know one of the reasons the cruise
industry would rather simply bypass the travel agents. It
is true that if RCCL catches an agent doing this, they can lose
their license. But it isn't easy to prove a transaction like
this. Since $50 is better than nothing, I imagine some travel
agents are willing to occasionally cut
a deal under the table with certain
customers. As long as they are
sure they won't get caught, this is a simple
way to steal someone else's commission.
So maybe DG can save 50 bucks by using a cozy relationship with
another travel agent. But now Disgruntled Gentleman is angry
because we posted a rule insisting people book with our Group if
they want to hang with our Group.
Why do you suppose we passed this rule? Because we got
burned by this exact situation on Rhapsody 2004.
To:
Marla@ssqq.com
Sent:
Thursday, July 29, 2004 5:22 PM
Subject:
cruise
Marla,
I hated to bother you
with my late registration for the cruise since you seem to have a
full plate, so I registered for the cruise along with my roommate,
xx, on line using
another agency. I hope that doesn't screw things up for
you.
Our reservation
code: 2248326 I didn't know if I should have told them that we
were going with SSQQ. Will you please seat us
at one of your tables?
Thank you
The incident listed above was not the first
time this has happened to us. It is no secret that
Marla organizes these trips because she receives a travel agent
commission on each sale. After
several people tried to do the
exact same thing to us on our previous
Rhapsody trip as DG wanted to do on the Alaska trip, we
decided we had no choice but to block the
loophole.
We learned the hard way there are people out there - not many,
but some - like clever Mr. DG who are
quite willing to stiff Marla her commission, but can't wait to
get in line to share the group goodies.
No one likes the smart guy who cuts in
line. What's to prevent DG from trying to do it anyway?
Well, the threat of public
ridicule is a very powerful deterrent. Once we take
his picture, I imagine the thought of
a story on the web site
about "Mr. Moose on the Loose"
trying to cut in on SSQQ Action would
give even a hardened Herd Crasher pause for thought.
My attitude is "Veni, Vidi, Vici, GetLosti" which of course is
Pig Latin for "Go fight the Indians by
yourself."
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THE BIG SSQQ
MYSTERY |
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On Tuesday, January 25, Linda Cook
received the most curious phone call. A lady called the studio
phone.
The woman said she
had met one of our students that was on the rodeo committee.
The student - a male - had told her there
was a group from our studio of students that met at different places
to dance
She found out that an SSQQ teacher was the
organizer of this and it cost $30 to join.
She wanted the teacher's name so she could
join the group.
Linda replied she hadn't heard of this
group.
Before she could ask another question,
the woman said would have to get back with
the gentleman to find out where they were meeting and hung up.
So my question is, does anyone in SSQQ-land
know what is going on here?
Please email Rick Archer at
dance@ssqq.com Thank
you.
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adventures of a dance teacher: Joye Purser
- The Lady Who Wanted To Lead |
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(Editor's Note: In another part of the
February Newsletter, I talk about how various SSQQ rules originate.
Here at SSQQ, we have a firm rule against same sex students dancing
with each other either in class or at Practice Night. Although this
rule was in effect before 1999, the unusual incident chronicled
below had a lot to do with forming our resolve to stick to our guns.
RJA)
February 1999
Back in the heyday of the Swing Resurrection, we had a bizarre
run-in with one of our students. Joye Purser was an attractive woman
around 28 years old. She was well-educated. You can tell this from
her letter further below. I believe she either worked at or was a
student at the Texas Medical Center.
Ms. Purser did not exactly look like an angry protester. They say
looks can be deceiving, but she certainly didn't fit the profile.
Nevertheless one day at the studio in February 1999 she threw the
biggest tantrum we have ever witnessed from a student after we told
her she would not be permitted to sign up for a group class as a
"Lead".
We discovered her intentions the hard way. The instructor said,
"Boys on one side, Girls on the other." Ms. Purser walked over to
the boy's side. This raised some eyebrows. However it isn't unusual
for someone to practice the opposite sex footwork like this at all.
We don't particularly care; it doesn't hurt anybody.
But when the instructor told everyone to go get a partner, Joye
immediately crossed the room, grabbed a woman and put her around the
startled lady in Closed Swing Position. The look on the woman's face
told the story - she was a complete stranger to Ms. Purser and was
clearly uncomfortable with the situation.
The instructor had to choose between looking the other way or
handling this awkward situation head on. Thank goodness the
instructor decided to tackle the problem directly. Later the
instructor told me it was the look on the woman's face that had
guided her decision.
She asked Ms. Purser what the story was while 20 other people stood
still watching the impromptu theater. This was their time that was
going down the drain, so they might as well enjoy the show. Ms.
Purser said that she had paid her money and wished to dance as a
"lead". Ironically, it turned out she had paid the lower woman's
"follow" rate since it was economically expedient to do so, but why
split straws?
Now the instructor tried to explain that we did not allow students
to dance with students of the same sex in dance class or at Practice
Night. She added that we did allow instructors to dance with same
sex students, but only as part of their official teaching duties.
Ms. Purser immediately launched into a speech about how she was
being sexually discriminated against. She said we were violating her
right to learn the dance role of her choice. The instructor threw up
her hands and went to fetch Judy Archer.
Now Judy's class was also disrupted. After a ten-minute argument,
Ms. Purser finally backed down and left the studio.
Did I mention that there were heated words and ugly things said? Ms.
Purser had created quite a scene. While the arguing was going on,
two couples in Ms. Purser's class had asked for a refund and exited.
Ms. Purser's little tantrum had not only depressed everyone in the
building, it also cost us cash as well.
And what were Ms. Purser's motives behind creating such a scene? I
do not have a clue. I will say I believe her arguments were more
political than they were sexual. One theory was that she was hoping
to become a teacher. I doubt this because her stubborn defiance
clearly cost her any chance that we would ever trust her.
The only additional piece of information I have is that Ms. Purser
was the roommate of Yvonne Evrard. At that moment in time Ms. Evrard
was a key dancer on the "Swinging Skirts and Mugz". Ms. Purser had
been trying unsuccessfully to crack the starting lineup of this
dance team. Perhaps her fervor to improve as a dancer fueled her
defiance, but that really doesn't explain why Ms. Purser got so
angry.
Ironically Ms. Evrard was the woman who was instrumental in leading
a dancer revolt that put an end to Judy Archer's second Lindy Dance
Team about four months further down.
I realize the impartial reader will say, "Surely there is more to
this story." Guess what? There isn't. I was not directly involved
with the argument. My only contribution to this story was a letter I
wrote in response to Ms. Purser's written complaint.
I did not know either woman personally and I never did really
understand why an issue that seemed on the surface to be so
cosmically unimportant had escalated into such an ugly incident.
Whatever was driving these two women towards their mutual path of
SSQQ sabotage I will never know, but there is no doubt their Twin
Towers Reign of Terror was an enormously destructive force back in
the Spring of 1999.
Letter from Joye Purser to Judy Archer
February 14, 1999
Dear Judy,
I apologize for forcing you to take a "just because…" stance
regarding your prohibiting females from taking dance classes as
"lead". There are a few more thoughts I want to express.
You said that the studio loses business because women are unhappy
when they have to partner with another woman. Because no one pointed
specifically to dancing with a woman-lead as their reason for not
returning to SSQQ is not a reasonable assumption.
During the course of taking a group lesson, someone may have to be
led by a poor dancer, a rough dancer, an old person, or an ugly
person, or someone who smells; however this is not sufficient cause
to prevent them from leading so why should one's gender be?
I have been a very regular customer at your studio. I have taken
Acrobatics, Mambo, Lindy, I have participated in the Swing
Extravaganza and many regular parties. I have been a faithful
supporter financially and feel that my request should be considered
more seriously.
My partner and I go out dancing very frequently. We are almost
always asked by people where we learned to dance. In the past we had
always referred to SSQQ and said positive things about our
experience there. In the future, I will no longer recommend SSQQ to
interested parties. In addition, I will share my latest experience
and discourage them form attending the studio.
Your prohibiting me from taking the Swing dance class as a "lead" is
a form of sexual discrimination. Because you have claimed to have
had negative experiences in the past with individuals (i.e. women)
you allowed to lead doesn't necessitate your creating this sexist
rule prohibiting females from taking the dance of their choice (i.e.
the lead role).
I feel that the stance you have taken is both unfair and based on
spurious assumptions. This is my current opinion until I hear that
the current policy of prohibiting females from taking a dance class
as "lead" has changed. Please contact me at that time.
Although I may not be a part of your Lindy Dance Team, I have been a
positive asset to your studio both by regular attendance and by
increasing awareness of the studio among new dancers and bolstering
your reputation with the dance community.
I hope that we can resolve this issue and continue to have a
mutually beneficial relationship.
Sincerely,
Joye Purser
Letter from Rick Archer to Joye Purser
February 15, 1999
Joye,
I am sorry, but you are not going to win this one. Rules are made
for a reason. Group classes mix large numbers of people together who
all have individual needs. Many couples, for example, would prefer
not to switch partners. Many individuals would prefer the room be
colder or hotter, less crowded, move faster, move slower.
After twenty years of hearing every concern imaginable, at some
point we simply had to say, "If you wish to take a group class at
SSQQ, this is the way it is going to be. Take it or leave it."
In your case, you have chosen to cross a clearly drawn line in the
sand. We have confronted this issue several times in the past. For
every person in a group class who was in favor of same-sex dancing
or did not care, we have had other people who opposed it. After
several incidents, we decided what would be fairest to the majority
sentiment would be to forbid Same Sex Dancing among students in our
Group classes.
The fact that there has been so little open dissatisfaction with
this stance indicates to me we have accurately judged the prevailing
public sentiment of the Houston community. Same Sex dancing at SSQQ
completely ceased to be an issue until you threw your tantrum in the
middle of a dance class which embarrassed everyone.
Yes, we do bend the rules occasionally in special circumstances. We
allow teachers, assistants, and volunteers (who are basically
"teachers in training") to dance Same Sex, but we also make a
special point to identify the special status of these people ahead
of time. Even then, I assure you, there are people of both sexes who
may "go along with it", but clearly do not appear to be comfortable
with the idea.
Having danced the woman's part once or twice a week in classes over
the years, I am in an excellent position to say with certainty that
while women for the most part do not mind Same Sex dancing, the
majority of our men are very uncomfortable with it. They usually
accept it as a necessary evil if the class is terribly short of
women. But even then there are also men who refuse to dance with me
anyway and I respect their wishes.
Although I grant you that women as a rule are more open-minded about
same-sex dancing than men, I can also guarantee you there are some
women in class who do not dance with women at all. Have you
considered their point of view? When do they get to have a say in
your unilateral decision to dance "lead"?
Furthermore, I find your use of the term "sexual discrimination"
offensive. I believe you owe us an apology. You have attempted to
violate well-established societal norms without regard for the other
women in the class. Then you have the nerve to believe you were
discriminated against because we stood up for the other members of
the class. Nor did you have the respect to ask our position on this
controversial issue ahead of time. A simple request for permission
would have been a pleasant courtesy.
We have refunded your tuition. We do not want your further
patronage.
Rick Archer
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EZRA CHARLES
AND THE WORKS ARE COMING TO SSQQ ON FEBRUARY 19TH! |
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EZRA CHARLES AND THE WORKS ARE COMING TO SSQQ ON FEBRUARY 19TH!
Right around the time that Valentine's Day
Swings it way into town, SSQQ will be
delighted to boogie the night away to the delicious Swing and
Blues music of Houston's homegrown band Ezra Charles and the
Works!
Ezra Charles is the closest thing to a local band there is - he
lives just a few blocks from SSQQ and is a next-door neighbor of
Maureen Brunetti!
Based on the success of the terrific live
band "Hit 'n Run" last
August, I have been besieged with requests to have another big
dance. I honestly don't have the strength for an "Extravaganza",
but I think a big night of dancing sounds like fun to me.
Ezra will be playing on February 19th at our Annual Red and
White Valentine's Dance. He and his band "The Works" are best
known for their Swing music. However Ezra told me he actually
prefers Blues music, i.e. Whip Music! That means that all of you
better sign up for Whip Classes in January if you intend to
dance every song at the party!
My friend George Grega was the matchmaker this time. He did the
lighting for a wedding where Ezra performed in 2004. George
liked the music so much that he approached Ezra about playing at
SSQQ. Ezra thought it was a great idea. Then George turned
around and tapped me on the shoulder with the same suggestion
back in October. It took a while for me to get a second wind,
but as I was preparing for the New Year, the thought popped back
in my head. And that's the story folks!
Since Maureen is a close friend of Ezra's, I am going to put her
in charge of telling us all about him in the next Newsletter.
We will keep you posted, but in the meantime start spreading the
word!
-----Original Message-----
From: Maureen Brunetti
Sent: Monday, January 17, 2005 4:04 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Ezra Charles
Ezra Charles and the Works is my favorite Texas band. I go out
of my way to attend events where they are playing.
They put out so much fun and high energy that it's impossible
not to have a great time when you hear them play!
A favorite venue is the Kemah Boardwalk. It's a blast to get
out there and show our stuff when the band is rockin'!! |
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We also love to see them and get to dance
at Sambuca's downtown and The Balinese Room in Galveston. From
ice houses to the Rocket's games to the Houston Livestock Show
and Rodeo the band had wowed fans all over town and all over the
state.
Ezra is pure rock 'n roll. Look for
Whip, Lindy, Swing and an occasional cozy slow tune in the mix.
I can promise a great show and a great dance time.
He may even set the piano on fire!
One more thing: Ezra's music is great
for swing dancing, and it gets even better with dancers rocking
out on the dance floor.
To quote Ezra,
"we tend to adjust our show according to the needs of the
audience. if it looks like we have dancers ready to swing, we'll
give it to you!"
Maureen Brunetti
(Editor's Note: Circle February 19th on your
calendar and don't forget it is a
Valentines Dance, so round up a great Red and White
outfit!! RJA)
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR |
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-----Original Message-----
From: Talbert, Mike
Sent: Friday, November 05, 2004 4:40 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Beginning swing/jitterbug class
Mike and I met in the 60's and have enjoyed dancing through our
nearly 36
years of marriage. We had avoided the "jitterbug" because we had
different
styles. After one class with Maureen, we were able to enjoy dancing
the
jitterbug together at a business meeting last week. We are looking
forward
our remaining lessons in swing/jitterbug and signing up for other
dance
classes. Thanks SSQQ and Maureen!
Sharon Talbert
-----Original Message-----
From: Miller, Chris
Sent: Tuesday, August 17, 2004 1:22 PM
To: 'dance@ssqq.com'
Subject: complaint Praise for SSQQ
I've been taking classes at SSQQ since January of this year. I've
enjoyed them all. The instructors I have had, Darrell and Loni and
Maureen and Tom, Jill and yourself have been wonderful. I look
forward to taking more classes and have encouraged others I know to
take classes at SSQQ.
I only wish I could tell you a way for more people to stay for
practice night. As you know, if you don't practice it won't stick.
P.S. - don't let the whiners and complainers get you down! Who
wouldn't want the perfect room temperature with wonderful dancers in
an uncrowded room and their classes offered every night for the
price of one and well behaved gentleman and this and that and the
other......You'll never please them all but you'll rarely hear from
the ones that are pleased.... which is most of us!
Chris Miller
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR |
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-----Original Message-----
From: Alexander, Charlie - Houston, TX
Sent: Monday, November 01, 2004 9:58 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Private Lessons
I have tried your group lessons and did not feel comfortable
dancing with strange women, nor did I like my wife dancing with
someone else - we want lessons so that WE can dance together,
not with others. We didn't learn a thing from your group lessons
and did not enjoy it at all so we have not been back for 2
years, Can you give us Private lessons for the 2 step, waltz,
country whip etc. - when and how much and how long are the
lessons
Charles Alexander
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Monday, November 01, 2004 1:33 PM
To: Alexander, Charlie - Houston, TX
Subject: complaint Private Lessons
I am very sorry your experience here was so negative. I doubt
you would like our private lessons either.
Rick Archer
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THE CHALLENGE TO THE SSQQ "NO WATCHING" RULE
Written by Rick Archer |
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As anyone in business knows, many organizations
succeed or fail based on the quality of its Customer
Service.
The number one axiom in Customer Relations has
always been "The Customer is Always Right."
However no one has ever come up with an axiom that covers this idea:
"How to Decide Which Customer is always right".
As a business owner, I am
often forced to make tough choices between sticking up for studio
rules or bending the rules to make a customer happy. Now I have
a question: "How does making an exception for an individual
benefit the students who have already cooperated with the rule?"
One of the oldest SSQQ rules is "No Guests/No Watching classes".
YESTERDAY - 2001
The last
serious challenge to this rule came four years ago in February of
2001. One day a student brought along a guest. The Hall Monitor
stopped them both and asked them to respect the rule by not coming
in.
The student complained loudly about our refusal to let his friend
watch. He refused to take "no" for an answer. He demanded to see the
manager. In frustration the Hall Monitor came and got me.
Now I had the privilege of dealing with this customer. As I
listened, I became aware that this man was quite persuasive. The
gentleman listed several excellent reasons why we should allow his
guest to stay. If memory serves, this is what he said:
1. I didn't know about your policy till now.
2. We have come all this way. You will force me to miss my class if
my friend cannot stay.
3. Can't you make an exception this one time?
4. After all, one person watching will not make much of a
difference.
5. Why don't you ask the students in the class if they would mind?
I replied that I did not intend to publicly ask the students to give
permission. I have found that the individuals who object to the
watching are also usually too shy to speak up as well. To my reply,
the gentleman asked me, "Did you just make this up or do you have
actual evidence to this effect?"
I replied that up till now I had based my decision on my instincts.
However since he was so insistent, I decided I would indeed pose
this gentleman's question to my Staff and Students alike using our
March 2001 Email Newsletter.
In March 2001, first I stated the studio's
position in the SSQQ Newsletter, and then I added this request:
"Maybe some of our readers would
like to explain the reasons why SSQQ should allow "Watching". Or
maybe some of our readers would like to agree that "Watching" is
not a very good idea. In other words, if you like or don't like
the policy, please say something because at the moment one or two
people are trying to bring guests to the studio almost every
night. They are openly questioning the intelligence of our rule.
So what do you think SSQQ should do?"
Fifteen
people actually responded with comments. The Silent Majority of 4,
000 said nothing. Fourteen responses supported the "No Guest/No
Watching" Rule. One person in 4,015 supported getting rid of the
rule. I listed each person's answer. If you are curious for more
information, go visit
http://ssqq.com/information/watching.htm
TODAY -
2005
On Sunday,
January 23rd, I was forced once more to choose between enforcing the
rule or bending it to make three people happy.
Here is what happened:
I was 10 minutes late to class yesterday. I
knew my co-teacher was covering for me, so I didn't mind taking my
time. At 4:40 pm as I walked the sidewalk past Radio Shack, I
was puzzled to see three adults standing
outside the door to the studio in conference with one another.
They stopped me and said I was
just the man they wanted to talk to. A gentleman
proceeded to explain that he was
already enrolled in a class and that he had brought two friends to
start classes this week (this was the fourth week of class). The
Hall Monitor had already turned these three
people away. She had told the three people
that students could not start in the third week or fourth
week without permission and that watching was not permitted.
So now this
group asked me to give them permission. The
student immediately gave me the ancient story (shades of deja vu; I
know it by heart!!):
1. I didn't know about your
policy till now.
2. We have come all this way (Pearland).
3. You will force me to miss my class if
my friend cannot stay.
4. Can't you make an exception this one
time?
5. After all, one person watching will
not make much of a difference.
I asked to see the man's
registration slip. I expected it to say "No Watching Permitted"
since all of our Walk-in Registration Receipts
have the most important rules listed.
Instead he pulled out an "Online Receipt". This
is when I found out the hard way that Online Receipts do not have
the rules listed. Uh oh. I had never realized before that the Online
Receipts do not have the SSQQ rules
listed. I had
been ready to use that written document to prove that he
should have known the rules ahead of
time. Now I was in a bind.
Now I
had no way of knowing whether the man was breaking a rule he already
knew about or whether he had made a mistake through ignorance of the
rules. As the owner and the person who makes the rules, I did not
want to alienate the current customer or the potential customers.
At the same time I also wanted to support the "No Watching" rule in
the worst way.
I realize the
police say, "Ignorance of the Law is no excuse". The
difference is they could care less about keeping your goodwill.
This student had made me sincerely believe he did not know about the
rule ahead of time. Therefore, because the Online Receipt did
not forbid "watching" as I expected it to, I gave in.
I immediately regretted what I had done. When I
told the Hall Monitor to let them in, you should have seen the look
of disgust on her face. She told me she had argued with these people
for ten minutes!! She said they had made her absolutely
miserable with their refusal to respect her decision. Now I
had turned around and made her look like a fool.
Oh, great. They say a man's wife has more power over him than the
State does. Well, add "Hall Monitors" to the list.
I won't do it again.
Soon I expect to add the list of rules to
the On-Line Receipts so that the Walk-in Receipts and the On-Line
receipts both have the "Rules" listed. It is much easier to stand
one's ground when you are certain the Rules have been posted
correctly.
I made a mistake in this situation. After all,
the Hall Monitor had already stood her ground. Now I basically
sabotaged her efforts. It isn't much fun to stand up to
people. There have been times where students are obnoxious,
persistent, rude, and sometimes even ugly. The SSQQ Hall
Monitors do their best to greet the customers with a smile, but
sometimes they have to stand up to people as well. This is
never very much fun, believe me.
So when I turn around and let these three people in after the Hall
Monitor had gone to all the trouble to stand up to them and defend
the rules, I am pretty sure I lost that Hall Monitor's respect that
day.
Now that I am thoroughly ashamed of myself, I went ahead and wrote
this letter defending the SSQQ House Rules. I hope you will take the
time to read it and possibly even comment on it.
SSQQ HOUSE RULES:
1. ADULTS AT PLAY: NO CHILDREN (
http://ssqq.com/information/children.htm )
2. NO GUESTS/NO WATCHING (
http://ssqq.com/information/watching.htm )
3. PLEASE SWITCH PARTNERS (
http://ssqq.com/information/switchpartners.htm )
4. PLEASE TURN OFF CELL PHONES (
http://ssqq.com/information/houserules.htm )
5. NO REGISTRATION AFTER WEEK TWO (
http://ssqq.com/information/houserules.htm )
6. BRING RECEIPT EACH WEEK (
http://ssqq.com/information/houserules.htm )
7. REFUNDS OR CLASS CHANGES MUST BE DONE ON FIRST NIGHT OF CLASS
(
http://ssqq.com/information/refund.htm )
8. BE NICE TO THE HALL MONITORS. (
http://ssqq.com/information/houserules.htm )
-----Original
Message-----
From: G
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005 10:58 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Guest
Hi Rick, I'm GM, one of your dance studio students, participating
each Saturday in the beginners salsa class. I'm from Mexico and a
friend is coming tomorrow so I wanted her not to watch but to
participate in the class paying what corresponds to it. I wanted
to know if there was any inconvenience.
Thanks, regards - G
-----Original
Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005 11:11 AM
To: GM
Subject: RE: Guest
I wish I could help you, but we don't permit guests to watch and
we don't allow registrations in the final week of class.
If we did allow guests, we would have people all over the studio
just sitting there watching.
If we allowed late registrations, every class would slow down
while we tried to catch the newcomers up to the rest of the class.
I hope you understand why we have these rules.
Rick Archer
SSQQ Dance Studio
(Editor's
Note: It isn't easy to say "No" when someone asks as politely as
this gentleman did. The truth is I wrote him back and gave him
permission.)
EXCEPTIONS
Everybody has got to die, but I always believed an exception
would be made in my case because I am so very special!! -
William Saroyan
Rules are made for a reason. As you might imagine, all of our Rules
favor the Silent Majority over the Vocal Individual. However we
understand it is the nature of being human to ask for "Exceptions".
"What will it hurt if you let just one Kid in?"
"What will it hurt if you let just one Guest in?"
"What will it hurt if you let just one Stranger in to Watch?"
"What will it hurt if you let just one Student Register in the Third
or Fourth Week?"
"What will it hurt if you let just one Volunteer in even though I
don't have written permission?"
"What will it hurt if you let just one Couple not have to switch?"
You are absolutely right. If we make one exception it probably won't
hurt very much. But you forget that everyone else is watching. There
will be someone in the building who left their kid home today who
wanted to bring him. Next week, maybe he will...
There will be someone in the building who wanted to bring his
girlfriend visiting from out of town. He didn't bring her today, but
maybe he will tomorrow.
And what is the Hall Monitor going to say? "Well, the lady on Sunday
let some guy bring his kid in. Why can't I bring my kid in today?"
People who ask for an Exception are often amazingly self-centered.
They only seem to see their side of the story. This article tries to
show SSQQ's side of the story.
Before you ask for an "Exception", we ask one favor: Please try to
understand our position. If we make an Exception for YOU, then we
have to make an exception for everyone. When we make you happy, we
end up making a lot of other people unhappy.
SSQQ is in the awkward position of wishing to please you and to
simultaneously please every person in the building who have
cooperated with our rules even though they would like to have the
same exceptions made for them that you are asking us for.
Yes, we understand that you wish to have your friend from out-of-
town watch your class.
Yes, we understand that you were gone for business and you wish to
start in the third week of class.
Yes, we understand that your ex-husband did not pick up the children
and you have nowhere to leave them.
Yes, we understand that you would rather dance only with your wife
and no one else in the class.
SSQQ is an enormous place. On any given night there are 100 to 200
people in the building. The odds are excellent that on any given
night there are probably ten or more people who were in the same
position as you are, but abided by our Rules. If we make an
Exception for you, we show disrespect for every one of these people
who tried to cooperate.
The most simple way to illustrate our point is to play "It's a
Wonderful Life". In this story, SSQQ Rules no longer exist.
Each night when you come to the studio, there are two dozen children
running around, a dozen guests of students just sitting there
watching, another dozen people who walked in off the street hoping
to see what a class looked like, no one switches partners if they
don't feel like it, a cell phone going off once every two minutes,
six people in each class who are slowing everyone down because they
are starting in the third or fourth week of class, unauthorized
volunteers everywhere, and hopelessly over-crowded classes because
no one checks receipts or enforces the rules.
Is this how the majority of our students want it? No, of course not.
Rick Archer
Do we make Exceptions? Yes, of course we do. We make them all the
time. Here are some examples:
Patricia is visiting her daughter Jane from Boston. Jane wants her
mother to watch her dance and meet her friends.
Right way to handle it:
Email Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com who will send an Email Approval
Letter.
Wrong way to handle it: Just show up at the studio.
Joseph has a friend at work who has just gotten a divorce. Joseph
has been trying to talk his friend into taking lessons, but his
friend is shy. Joseph wants to bring his friend to the studio just
to watch.
Right way to handle it:
Email Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com who will send an Email Approval
Letter.
Wrong way to handle it: Just show up at the studio.
Frank has taken Advanced Western Waltz two times before. He has been
away from town on business and wants to start in the Third Week of
class.
Right way to handle it:
Email Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com who will send an Email Approval
Letter or say, "No, Frank, sorry, but we have too many men signed up
for this class already."
Wrong way to handle it: Just show up at the studio. You will be sent
home.
Ralph has heard about SSQQ and wants to check it out before signing
up for a class. He just shows up one night at the studio one night
and wants to watch for a while.
Right way to handle it:
Come say hello to the Hall Monitor in Room 6 who will allow to watch
the class in Room 6 for a couple minutes and answer questions.
Wrong way to handle it: Don't bully the Hall Monitor into letting
you pass by the Hall Monitor door. You will be sent home.
Sophia is getting married and only wants to dance with her fiancé.
Right way to handle it:
Email Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com However the odds of getting
approval are slim. Group Classes are for Groups, not individuals.
The best way to handle this is to take a private lesson.
Wrong way to handle it: Just show up at the studio and demand to get
your way. You will be sent home.
Jeffrey has his kids this weekend, but the babysitter just called in
sick. He wants to bring his kids with him to class.
Right way to handle it:
Email Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com However the odds of getting
approval are slim. SSQQ is a Playground for Adults. This is a place
where boys meet girls and have fun. The moment one kid is in the
room, Adults are forced to behave. Why would you do that to your
fellow adults. Furthermore, Adults may behave, but children are
another story.
Wrong way to handle it:
Show up at the door with kids in tow, say "Surprise!" and try to
guilt the Hall Monitor into feeling sorry for you. Please don't do
this. You will be sent home.
Rita has heard a class has six extra men in it and wants to help out
by volunteering in the second, third, or fourth week.
Right way to handle it:
Email Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com who will send an Email Approval
Letter.
Wrong way to handle it: Just show up at the studio. You will be sent
home.
After a trial separation, John and his wife Mary decide to try
again. It is the third week of class, but John wants Mary to come
with him.
Right way to handle it:
Email Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com who will send an Email Approval
Letter or say, "No, John, sorry, but we have too many women signed
up for this class already. Can we reschedule you for next month?"
Wrong way to handle it: Just show up at the studio. You will be sent
home.
Carol used to teach classes at SSQQ. She moved to Austin. She is in
town and wants to see the old gang.
Right way to handle it:
Email Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com who will send an Email Approval
Letter.
Wrong way to handle it:
Just show up at the studio. You will be sent home. If you worked
here, you should know better.
You show up at the door and you don't like what the Hall Monitor has
said. You demand to see the Manager, the Owner, Rick Archer or
anyone RIGHT NOW!
Right way to handle it:
Email your concern to Rick Archer dance@ssqq.com
Wrong way to handle it:
Why stand there and argue? The Hall Monitors are the SSQQ Managers!!
They know the Rules very well and they are paid to enforce the
Rules.
Furthermore Hall Monitors are not empowered to make exceptions. That
is not part of their job description.
Please do not ask to see me during class. I am teaching. What good
is going to do the twenty people in my class if we give people the
right to call me out? The Rights of the Group supercede the Rights
of the Individual. The Hall Monitors have been told not to come get
me during class unless it is an emergency.
However if you think it is that serious that I need to talk to you,
I will speak to you either at Break or after class is over. If you
have been rude to the Hall Monitor, you will be asked to go sit
outside. If you have been polite, the Hall Monitor will give you
permission to go sit on the Room 6 couch.
You have an Emergency and need to see someone in the Building
immediately.
Answer: The Hall Monitors are allowed to use discretion. Tell them
the problem. It is their call. Please respect their decision.
George doesn't like what is going on. He walks right by the Hall
Monitor.
Answer: The Bellaire Police are five minutes away if we dial 713 668
0487. They are one minute away if we dial 911. The Bellaire Police
like us. The Hall Monitors have the authority to call them if they
choose to.
Please give the Hall Monitor your respect.
To Ask for an Exception, email Rick Archer, dance@ssqq.com
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STORY TWELVE |
RETURN TO HEADLINES |
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LETTERS TO
THE EDITOR |
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-----Original Message-----
From: Kyle Curry
Sent: Thursday, August 12, 2004 12:25 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: In Praise of SSQQ
Dear Rick, I know you are busy fielding the many complaints you
receive daily about all the ills at SSQQ. I hate to take up any of
your valuable time, but I can't help lodging an anti-complaint. It's
rather lengthy, so forgive my verbosity and spelling errors in
advance.
To begin with, in your August Newsletter you note, among other
issues, that your studio lost money last year and was still
suffering the effects of a weakened economy.
You wrote: >Did you know that last year the studio lost money in a
weakened economy?< I would like to offer you a suggestion for
increasing your revenue along with the reasoning behind my
suggestion. Here is my suggestion:
RAISE YOUR PRICES!
I'm sure you have put much thought into setting your current prices
for dance classes, along with market research and other techniques,
so I won't question your business judgment. You have your reasons
for charging what you do and I don't expect one email from a
satisfied customer will be able to sway you in a new direction. You
have to charge what the market will bear, of course.
However, if you will allow me to briefly list my reasons for
offering you this suggestion I think you will see my logic. And if
some of this logic could be included on your website more
prominently, I believe other patrons will agree with my assessment
of the overall value of taking classes at SSQQ.
Before I begin I would like to offer a formula which I have made up
for the purposes of this email--don't look for it in your MBA
textbooks. It goes like this: Price + Quality =
Value. Forget about the outdated notion of supply and demand for a
minute and keep this formula in mind as I list my reasons below.
Reasons Why Rick should Raise Prices at SSQQ:
To begin with, the price to quality ratio at your studio is all out
of balance. To explain:
your studio offers the highest quality dance instruction at the
lowest price per hour of any place in the Houston area, or any area
I have ever encountered. This means your studio offers much more
value than other dance studios or any other types of classes for
less cost. If I rated your studio on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being
the highest value, I would have to rate it at an 11 or 15 even,
(which messes up the whole scale Rick!)
As evidence I ask you to simply call around to similar businesses
and inquire about the cost of taking their classes. Other dance
studios, yoga centers, karate schools, acting classes and other
instructional venues, typically offer 4 to 6 hours of instruction a
month at anywhere from $40 to $150 per month. That works out to
anywhere from $10 to $25 per hour or so in most cases.
Furthermore, attending a weekend seminar in some specialty, such as
advanced Yoga, Karate, dancing, or acting can cost as much as $300
to $500 dollars (or more) for about
12 to 14 hours of training. That works out to $25 to $40 per hour of
training, or more, typically. (I realize I am speaking in
generalities here, but as one who has attended all types of
trainings in everything from computers to meditation to tennis camp,
and who has also offered trainings and seminars in other fields, I
do have a good idea of the costs of education and continuing
education. Yes, one may find the occasional low cost class in "photo
album decorating" or personal financial management of some sort. But
these low cost seminars usually have back of the room sales or other
revenue streams to support the business model.)
Now as a comparison let's look at SSQQ and what you offer to your
patrons. If I were to take Beginning Two-Step/Polka at the $46 price
for men and only attended one class per week, I would be getting
eight hours (8 hours) of training for said price. That works out to
$5.75 per hour. Already, we can see that your price per hour is much
lower than other types of educational services. If I chose to attend
a second class in Beginning Two-Step/Polka a second time per week I
would be paying about $2.88 per hour; and if I managed to squeeze in
a third class it would cost me only about $1.92 per hour of
training. That's for men. For women it would be $4.75, $2.38, and
$1.58 respectively.
At the $5.75 per hour rate your classes would cost approximately
half of what other dance studios have charged me per hour of group
training. At the $1.92 would represent less than 20% of the cost of
other low-cost alternatives. Compared to Yoga or Karate classes or
similar businesses, you are charging in some cases less than 10% or
even less than 5% of what one would pay to pursue advanced training
in those disciplines.
(Side note: something is wrong with this picture Rick. The Universe
is out of balance in this scenario and we may all be sucked into a
black hole at the center of the galaxy unless you restore order to
the chaos by taking the drastic action of raising your prices for
dance classes at SSQQ. Back to this idea later.)
I hope I have established that by any criteria your classes are
ridiculously low priced.
Now let me list some of the quality issues I see with SSQQ. When it
comes to quality at your studio, there is just too much of it. Let
me elaborate.
First, by having students switch partners constantly during class,
your classes provide patrons with a faster way to learn social
dances than many traditional methods. Other schools and classes I
have attended have a person dance with his/her partner, or assign
partners for the duration of the class, (or they frequently have the
instructor act as one's only partner if there is not a balance of
men and women in the class). Thus the benefits of dancing with many
different sizes and shapes of people (and thus learning to lead and
follow) are not realized at most other dance studios as they are at
SSQQ.
Second, your instructors are well trained and personable, and they
go out of their way to insure that everyone in class masters the
dance steps. And they also seem to really enjoy what they do.
Third, the instructors use a uniform method of teaching so that
students can attend two different classes and review the same steps
learned in a previous class. Yes, there are subtle individual
variations in the styles of presentation among various instructors,
but this only helps students further see that there are many
approaches to mastering the same steps. The important point is that
the same steps are covered in class 1 of Beginning Swing on Sunday
as are covered in that same class on Monday, and so on.
So attending multiple classes, therefore, only serves to further the
skills of students.
Fourth, your practice sessions, scheduled six nights of the week,
offer the best opportunity to apply the newly learned dance steps.
Some other dance studios have practice nights, but none have as many
as your studio offers. And I won't even go into the ridiculously low
price you charge students for admission to the practice session, nor
the free popcorn and drinks you offer. Calling attention to that
added value discrepancy would surely throw the Universe out of
balance and leave us intersecting with all manner of alternate
dimensions where sentient beings only dance to disco music.
So, Rick, can you see my point about raising your prices?
If only your website or other advertisements could demonstrate more
clearly to current and prospective customers the high Value rating I
assign to SSQQ, I cannot see how they would not appreciate the
benefits and want to attend in record numbers, slow economy or not.
Who doesn't love a bargain? My mother-in-law will buy a sweater in
August (in Houston) if it is on a sale table at Mervyns for $5. And
she already has about
40 sweaters in her closet at home!
People cannot resist getting something for a fraction of its
perceived value Rick. I confess, I have secretly enjoyed going to
SSQQ classes and thinking that I am getting about five times the
dance instruction I was getting before at another studio for the
same low price. I feel like I have been cheating you.
So charge me more!
How about $50 for men and $45 for women. Based on my unscientific
estimates of attendance at SSQQ, such a modest price adjustment
would generate a significant increase in monthly revenues.
Am I wrong? Is there something I don't know that would prohibit you
charging more?
Surely there are dance studio secrets known only to you and a
handful of elites around the world, but business is business, right?
And speaking of business, if you are worried about chasing away
customers with "higher prices" remember that demand is more a
function of perception than actually quantity of supply. In most
cases today technology removes issues of limited supply while at the
same time sophisticated marketing creates demand for products and
services, independent of any "actual" demand that may exist in
nature. Who needs Chia Pets, for example? But still, they are
advertised and people buy them! (No disrespect to Joseph
Enterprises, Inc. manufacturer of the Chia Pet intended.) And
Diamonds, for example are extremely common, but because the diamond
market is controlled entirely by a single large corporation, (which
I dare not name) we consumers pay exorbitant retail prices for
diamonds. Why do we do this? Because massive advertising campaigns
convince us of the value of diamonds as gifts, bribes, etc.
So why couldn't you, at SSQQ, use sophisticated marketing techniques
(such as maybe some flyers or handouts at the front and a note or
two on your website's home page) to explain to customers of the High
Value they will receive by attending dance classes at your
establishment?
Now I know you are thinking, "Hey, we already do that." Well let me
tell you Rick... it just ain't all that clear! For example, I found
your website through a search engine, liked it, read a zillion of
your articles, and thought I knew what all you offered. It wasn't
until I took my first class at SSQQ that I realized I could attend
other nights of the same class that month for free. When I was at
class and heard this news I did a double take and asked the
instructor to clarify this point. He said I could actually attend
the Wednesday night and the Friday class of the same class I was
currently enrolled in... FOR NO EXTRA CHARGE!
I was excited to learn I could attend more than one of the same
class for two reasons.
First, I knew I would need additional instruction, since I have two
right feet (it's a much worse condition than two left feet). Second,
I suddenly felt I got double or triple the value I had expected.
Remember the formula I gave above: Value = Price + Quality. I
realized that by attending two classes a week of Beginning
"Whatever" I would not only be gaining more instruction and thus
become a better dancer, but also would be paying half as much per
hour as I had expected. Bam! Instant Value Increase!
Specifically, I had an immediate paradigm shift in my thinking about
SSQQ as an establishment. I went from thinking that it was a "good
deal" to drive a little farther to go to your studio rather than
other places closer to my home, to thinking it was an "incredibly
great deal" to take classes at SSQQ and that I would be a complete
fool to even consider going anywhere else to learn to dance
socially. (I haven't even mentioned the added benefit of meeting
lots of wonderful people in the classes. I know you can't advertise
about how many people meet and fall in love at your place, but keep
bragging about it whenever you get a chance. It is definitely
another intangible benefit gained from using your services.)
In other words, Rick, I had an instantaneous experience of Value
Increase when I saw Price fall and Quality go up. Wow. How often
does one have this experience when trading for goods or services in
today's economy? It's as if I bought a 5-pack of gum and found 10
pieces inside the wrapper and the flavor lasted twice as long as any
other gum.
It doesn't get any better than that. And dance instruction doesn't
get any better than what you offer. So I suggest you tell people how
great you all are at SSQQ and use marketing and advertising
techniques to increase the demand for your services. Start
advertising like the diamond sellers do. "Dancing... Because he
loves you" and so on...
How many women would prefer a man who can dance over one who buys
them a big shiny diamond? (Maybe we should skip that question. Women
are unpredictable when it comes to questions of jewelry and
anniversary gifts). But you get my point, right?
Am I making sense here?
I'm sure dozens of others have made similar suggestions to you in
the past, and you know best what to do with your business. So I'll
leave you to it. Furthermore, I apologize for my rudeness in
offering advice without being first solicited. However, it seemed to
me that in your August Newsletter under the heading "Bitter
Complaint" that you were secretly calling for suggestions that might
solve the issues presented. I hope my suggestions above regarding
the financial issues have not caused rancor or discontent in your
email box. If all those other people can send you complaints, I
figure a few anti-complaints might not hurt and might even help.
Best regards, Kyle Curry
P.S. Now all that remains is using technology to
solve the problem of supply (six dance rooms vs. seven)... I'll
leave that one to an engineer or somebody good with hands on stuff.
Good luck.
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LETTERS TO
THE EDITOR |
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-----Original Message-----
From: Madame X
Sent: Friday, November 12, 2004 4:29 PM
To: 'Archer, Rick'
Subject: Cha cha cha-os
Hi Rick - at practice last Wednesday, a very nice gentleman named
Leonard came up as I was heading for the popcorn room, and asked if
I wanted to cha cha. I told him I hadn't taken any cha cha classes
but I was willing to learn if he would teach me the basic. So we
went into room 5 and he taught me a basic step - 1 - 2 - cha cha
cha. It didn't take long before I had picked it up and he started in
on some patterns. I must say that he was a very good leader, and
pretty soon we were doing all kinds of advanced moves. It was lots
of fun! I was feeling pretty proud of myself, and even thinking
about signing up for the super advanced class in December.
Then I went back into room 1. Joel came over and asked me for a
triple two, another dance which I had never tried. My cha cha lesson
had given me confidence, so I said sure. As you know, Joel is an
excellent dancer, and, after showing me the basic, he was able to
lead me through some triple two patterns without any trouble. Even
more fun! By now I was really feeling cocky, so I told him about
picking up cha cha and how much I enjoyed it. So he asked me for a
cha cha. As soon as we started, I knew something was wrong. He was
dancing to a completely different rhythm. Instead of 1 - 2 - cha cha
cha, it was 1 - 2 - 3 - cha cha. Then you were supposed to move your
hips to a bay-bee rhythm like you had a baby on your hip. He
insisted this was the correct step for cha cha. I know Joel is a
super advanced dancer, so I'm sure he is correct.
So now I'm confused (not unusual for me). How could two very good
dancers be doing two different steps for cha cha? I'd still like to
sign up for cha cha in December, but not if I don't know what
they're doing. Please help! Thanks, Ann
P.S. please don't put this e-mail in the newsletter!
Madame X
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2004 8:05 AM
To: Madame X
Subject: RE: Cha cha cha-os
"P.S. please don't put this e-mail in the newsletter!" How
much is it worth to you??
You are caught in the dilemma btw street chacha and trained chacha.
Traditional Latin cha cha music can be counted 4 and 1, 2 3, 4 and
1, 2 3. the "4 and 1" is the cha cha cha. This is much less
confusing if I had some music to play for you, but I will do the
best we can with words.
Western music - i.e. polka music - could care less about honoring
the traditions of cha cha music. The singer is just looking for a
hit song. Most of the time you can dance the cha cha to a western
polka to a much simpler "1 - 2 , 3 and 4" cadence and it fits the
music just fine. Same thing for dancing a cha cha to disco music
which has the same speed as Polka music. I call this "street cha
cha" as in "if the music doesn't force us into the 4 and 1 system,
what difference does it make?"
So both men were right depending on what you are trying to
accomplish. If it makes you feel any better, I have wrestled with
the same dilemma. Joel is an incredibly well-trained dancer. He
naturally would prefer to use the trickier system that will allow
him to make points with the judges. Leonard just wants to have fun.
As for the hips, just move your hips and quit worrying about it
until you and Joel decide to enter a contest. Then worry about it.
Take super-advanced cha cha at your own risk.
Love, Rick
By the way, I won't print this email without your permission, but it
is an interesting question and I am sure others would enjoy the
clarification. Perhaps if I disguised the names and waited until
January, you would let me print it.
REPLY:Hi Rick -
thanks for clearing this up, I suspected it was something similar to
your explanation. I don't mind if you use this in the newsletter as
long as you disguise the names. Thanks, Madame X
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STAFF TRANSITIONS: SO LONG GOODBYE FAREWELL TO
SUSAN SCHROEDER AND BETHANY DANIELS.
PLEASE WELCOME PAUL HOLZHAUER |
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SUSAN SCHROEDER
has been the SSQQ Registrar for the past two
years. To say she was invaluable to our organization is a vast
understatement. However Susan was a burnout victim of her own
excellence. She tried so hard to do everything to the best of her
ability, she found she had little time left over to run her own
business as a Graphics Designer. So one day she just threw in
the towel and quit. So far her duties have been absorbed in part by
Rick, Marla, and Linda Cook. I doubt she will be easy to
replace.
BETHANY DANIELS has been
a Monday Ballroom instructor and a Thursday
Martian Instructor for the past year. Although she loves to
dance, as a drama major Bethany openly admits her first love is the
stage. Lately she has been getting so many new roles, it is
impossible to be in two places at once.
PAUL HOLZHAUER has been assisting
Rachel Koenig with her Sunday Western classes now for well over a
year. Now that long-time Western teacher
Tracy King is moving over to teach Ballroom on Mondays, Paul is
being promoted to take Tracy's spot. |
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THE SSQQ WEB
SITE BREAKS UP TWO MARRIAGES. THE SSQQ WEB SITE IS SLUTTY! |
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-----Original Message-----
From: Stan S
Sent: Monday, November 22, 2004 9:38 AM
To: rarcher
Subject: D
After having almost lost my marriage due to an affair I had with one
of my dance partners at your studio, C L,
take me off your distribution list!!!!!!!!
Taking dance classes with you all
was the worst mistake of my life!
Stan S
.............
-----Original Message-----
From: K G
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2005 3:43 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: wonderful pics
Thank you for the wonderful pictures on your
website of my HUSBAND, A G and his
girlfriend, C. They will be very useful!
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2005 4:12 PM
To: K G
Subject: RE: wonderful pics
With an attitude like that, it becomes obvious why he left you.
Rick Archer
-----Original Message-----
From: K G
Sent: Thursday, January 27, 2005 8:09 AM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: RE: wonderful pics
Maybe you should talk to C about my attitude before you judge me.
We've both been used.
And I think your webpage was very slutty. C
agrees.
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Thursday, January 27, 2005 10:00 AM
To: K G
Subject: RE: wonderful pics
You use the word "slutty" too easily. I say consider the source.
How discourteous of you to involve another person in your vendetta!
By the
way, did you ask C for permission to use her name in this way or do
you not understand the importance of a courtesy such as this?
And do you care to explain how were you used?
Rick Archer
-----Original Message-----
From: K G
Sent: Thursday, January 27, 2005 12:44 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: RE: wonderful pics
Since you would probably want to print this for your website, I will
not aim my answers to you. Yes, C and I
have talked. How do you know whether he
has left me or not? Especially since he hasn't and we are still
married.
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer [mailto:dance@ssqq.com]
Sent: Thursday, January 27, 2005 6:05 PM
To: K G
Subject: RE: wonderful pics
If you are still together, what do you need the pictures for? Do you
need larger prints?
Rick Archer
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START
OF THE REGULAR FEATURES SECTION |
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COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH:
WHY THE SSQQ SALSA PROGRAM SUCKS |
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(This phone call was received on January 11th by Rick
Archer from an unidentified woman.)
"Hello, do you teach salsa?"
Rick - Yes, we have classes on Tuesday Thursday
and Saturday.
"What
is the charge?"
Rick - 46 men 38 ladies for 8 hours of classes.
"I am an advanced
salsa dancer. Do you have advanced classes?"
Rick - Yes.
"Where are your
instructors from?"
(Pause)
Rick - I don’t know. Ecuador.
(Dead silence
on the line.)
Rick - Actually now that I think of it, they are
from Houston. What difference does it make?
"Because if they
are from Puerto Rico, then they know how to salsa correctly. It is obvious
you do not have a first class establishment, so I will not be in need of
your services. Thank you."
(Click) |
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LAST
MONTH'S PROBLEM |
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THIS
MONTH'S FOLLOW-UP |
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BEST NEW JOKES OF THE
MONTH |
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Over the years, we have
been sent countless numbers of jokes by our Newsletter Readers.
We have kept what we thought were the best. At this point
we have now have a Hall of Fame collection of over 600 jokes.
Many of them are real gems. We rotate these jokes on a monthly
basis so over the year you get to read them all.
In addition to our
"Classics", we also get many new jokes each month sent in by our
students. This section contains our favorites. At
the end of each year we add these jokes to the "Immortal
Collection".
By the way, getting a
joke selected isn't very easy since we have been collecting
jokes for so long. It's tough to find a new one. So if you
send in a great joke and nothing ever happens, trust us - it is
already on the Web Site. If you don't believe us, email
and ask about your joke!! I am serious. I will show you
where the joke is.
We greatly appreciate any jokes you would like to submit. Send
them to Rick Archer at dance@ssqq.com
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Jokes February 2005
Alligator Shoes - Gary Richardson
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She
wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the
worst way.... but she was very reluctant to pay the high prices
the local vendors were asking for the highly prized shoes.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices"
attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well
then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I
can get a pair of shoes at a decent price!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady,
y'all just go and give it a try, why don'cha!"
The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps,
determined to catch her self an alligator. Later in the day, as
the shopkeeper was driving home, where he spotted that same
young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water,
shotgun in hand. Astonished, he pulled over to the side of the
levee to see what she was doing. Just then he spotted a huge
9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. His mouth dropped open
as he watched her take aim with lightning speed and shoot the
creature right between the eyes without even flinching. With a
great deal of effort she hauled it all by herself onto the slimy
swamp bank. That's when the shopkeeper noticed several more of
the dead creatures were lying nearby.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank and stared incredulously as the
blonde struggled mightily until she was able to flip the massive
alligator on its back. Then the blonde screamed a profanity in
great frustration. She shook her fist heavenward in anger and
shouted out, "Dang, this stupid alligator is barefoot too!!"
Hillary Clinton - Leroy Ginzel
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk
about the world. After her talk, she has a "question and answer"
period. One little boy raises his hand and the Senator asks him
for his name.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: First, whatever happened to your
medical health care plan? Second, why would you run for
President after your husband shamed the office? And third,
whatever happened to all those things you and Bill took when you
left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the
children that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's
right, question time. Who has a question?"
This time a different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary
points to him and asks him for his name.
"Larry."
"And what is your question?"
"I have five questions: First, whatever happened to your medical
health care plan? Second, why would you run for President after
your husband shamed the office? Third, whatever happened to all
those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth, why
did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what
happened to my best friend Kenneth?
Husbands and Wives - Leroy Ginzel
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man
realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left
it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00
AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of
paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It's 5:00 AM. Wake up, stupid."
Classic One-Liners - Anita Williams
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Kentucky ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F
word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern
fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
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SSQQ EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH |
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RACHEL
KOENIG |
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This award goes to an SSQQ Staff member who does something beyond the
call of duty. In any given month, there are always at least 100 quiet
acts of simple kindness performed by someone who works at SSQQ for which the
person gets no credit, but our organization benefits from the gratitude.
The problem for me is that these many moments usually occur way under my
radar. So if you have an instructor to nominate, please
let me know and why!!
dance@ssqq.com
On the other hand,
sometimes the move is dramatic enough to catch my eye so I can say something
about it.
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I nicknamed
Rachel Zeph-Keonig "The Zephyr" a couple years ago
when she offered to teach a Belly Dance Crash Course. Rachel got a kick
out of the nickname because it rhymed with her last name of "Seff".
Rachel got married last November, but decided to keep the nickname
anyway.
Rachel Zeph made some serious waves here at SSQQ with her Belly Dancing
in January. She offered a Saturday Belly Dance class in January
that was attended by over 50 women!!
Now you know why Rachel is our "Employee of the Month" - she really made
a lot of people happy (and me too!)
The energy her class created was incredible. The ladies absolutely loved
it! The men were pretty interested themselves - the women constantly had
to kick out various male intruders who just had to poke their noses in
to see what was going on!
Rachel is successful at this class because she is sexy, she is funny,
she has the right curves for the part, and she keeps the ladies
laughing!
Unfortunately Rachel is also a happily married lady. Why
"Unfortunately"? Rachel cherishes every delicious free moment with her
husband Dave. As a result she strongly resists any extra demands on her
free time. She did the Saturday January class in response to all the
requests from SSQQ ladies for her help, but clearly stated it would be
ONE MONTH ONLY. |
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That was before the class drew 50 women. Guess what? Now they want more.
How did you guess?
Rachel suggested we move the class to Sundays at 7
pm. She said she give up teaching her beloved Sunday Night Western class
for a couple months and experiment with holding the class on Sundays.
Starting on Sunday, January 30, we will see if her ladies are receptive
to the new time spot. We will keep you posted! |
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LOGIC PUZZLE
RESULTS |
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THE WINNERS OF
LAST MONTH'S SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE |
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(2005 December – we skipped it!)
WINNERS OF THE 2005
JANUARY KNIGHT MOVES CHESS PUZZLE
2005 January: Knight Moves!
1. John Jones (First Time
Winner!)
2. Mark Marshall (Second Time Winner!)
3. Susan Arevalo (Sixteen Months in a Row!)
4. Holly Soehnge (Third Month in a Row!)
5. Steve Upchurch (Fourth Victory!)
6. Stephanie Barrow (First Time Winner!)
7. Karen Babb (Five Months in a Row!)
8. Ritesh Laud (Ten Months in a Row!)
9. Ann Faget (Seventeen Months in a Row!)
10. Ruth Feng (Third Victory!)
The January Logic Puzzle
was said to be one of the toughest puzzles we have ever listed.
Even our current champion - Ann Faget - bellyached about it!
(But then Ann bellyaches all the time, so no big deal...)
-----Original
Message-----
From: FAGET, ANN L.
Sent: Monday, January 17, 2005 4:55 PM
To: 'Archer, Rick'
Subject: logic puzzle january 05 number 07 ann faget
Hi Rick - I finally solved it, but it was NOT fun. I admit I
could have worked smarter, but I was trying to be so thorough
following every path that I didn't see early enough how many led
to impossible solutions. For instance, I did not perceive until
late that D6 and E3 had to be reserved for moves 31 and 33.
Anyway, here is my answer, name of attachment is knightmoves.bmp.
If you can't open it, send me your fax number and I will fax it
to you. BTW, I wonder how many recognized the clever word play
on a Bob Seger song? Ann
Another one of our leaders,
Ritesh Laud, had thoughts similar to Ann's:
-----Original Message-----
From: Ritesh Laud [mailto:ritesh_laud@hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2005 10:58 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: logic puzzle january 05 number 07 ritesh laud
Hi Rick,
Actually I'm glad there wasn't a logic puzzle last month because
I was on vacation the whole month and likely wouldn't have been
able to get to it. So now I can
maintain my streak. That is, if my solution here is correct.
I've attached an Excel file with my solution. Yeah, I did it by
brute force also. Lots of trial and error, especially in the
giant hole between 16 and 25. My scrap
paper here looks like a warzone.
Steve Upchurch also
struggled, but at least he was nice enough to say it was fun.
-----Original Message-----
From: Upchurch, Steve
Sent: Monday, December 20, 2004 8:55 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Cc: Upchurch, Steve
Subject: logic puzzle january 05 number 04 steve upchurch
Rick,
Attached below is, hopefully, my solution to the Knight's tale
puzzle for January 05.
After trying to attack the puzzle head on from step #1 and which
square do we go to from there,
It looked fairly daunting at first, but I found a beginning in
the fact that Steps (or Positions)
14 and 16 only had one position between, namely 15, which had to
be within the reach of both
and there was only one available solution.
Another very helpful observation was that the 4 corner squares
were only accessible from
two other squares each. That meant one of the squares was 'from
whence he came' and the
other was 'to where he went'. Plus this fact meant that those
squares couldn't be used by any
other movements/steps/positions (what ever you want to call
them).
Because of their locations, Positions 25 & 32 were about the
same - left with only two squares
to come from and go to.
Because of these observations, it took me about an hour and a
half. It was a really fun brain exercise.
Thanks, Stephen Upchurch
My hat goes off to all our
brilliant warriors!
We can always use some new players in the SSQQ Logic
Club. Check out this month's new puzzle and send me an answer!!
You can be a Contender!!
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THE NEW LOGIC PUZZLE |
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THE NEW
SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE
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THE FEBRUARY SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE:
CASEY CASANOVA!
Casey Casanova
is a man who developed a very busy social diary here at
SSQQ. After becoming the master of several different dances,
Casey discovered that he was able to use his charm and grace
on the dance floor to become quite the lady’s man!
As he prepared for the February dance semester, Casey signed
up for five different dance classes: Tango on Monday, Salsa
on Tuesday, Swing on Thursday, Western on Friday, and the
Slow Dance crash course on Saturday. |
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Casey Casanova had an extra special reason for
taking so many classes – he expected to see a different girl on
every night!
Yes, it is scandalous but true. Over the past couple months
Casey had used his dance skills to maneuver into the position
where he was flirting with five different girls on five
different nights here at the studio.
Unfortunately for the young ladies, none of them were aware of
the existence of the other four. Such a naughty boy!
Casey would have been mortified if someone discovered his
dalliances. Although at the time each romance was still more or
less at the handholding, smooching level, each romance was
definitely beginning to heat up.
To this point Casey preferred to keep his affairs secret till he
was sure where his heart was leading him. But he began to enjoy
his exceptional popularity perhaps more than was good for him.
When things were platonic and pure, his style was no worse than
roguish. Now it appeared he was on the threshold of crossing the
lines of social decorum.
However Life has a way of reeling the Romeos in. Common sense
dictates that when you date five girls at the same place in the
same week, the odds of getting caught are pretty good. Sooner or
later Casey’s Karma will catch up with him. Casey had best make
his mind up soon or else he will find out the hard way he is
flirting with disaster!!
http://ssqq.com/archive/logicpuzzle24.htm |
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PUNISHMENT |
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THE WORST SSQQ PUN OF THE MONTH
(There is no such thing as a
good pun...) |
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THE SSQQ
WORST PUN OF THE MONTH
Contributed by Chris Holmes
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in
love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the
reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies,
"Yes, I'm positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll
serve you, but don't start anything."
4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we
don't serve food in here."
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other! :
"Does this taste funny to you?"
9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says
"It's Not Unusual."
10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says
to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I
don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed
Daisy.
11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says
the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm
going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?!
" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No,
the steaks are too high."
15 I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender
here?"
(Editor's Note:
I hate puns, but I hate these even more than usual because
they are so clever!!
Remind me to punch Chris Holmes HARD in the shoulder the
next time I see him. In fact now that I think of it, do me a
favor and you punch him too if you see him first. Here is
what he looks like!
Go ahead and punch those two girls too while you are at it.
They are both troublemakers.
Punch 'em
all! Thank you.) |
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THE SSQQ VOCABULARY WORD OF THE MONTH |
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SSQQ VOCABULARY WORD OF THE MONTH: ARCTIC
AND ANTARCTICMain Entry: ant·arc·tic
Pronunciation: (")ant-'ärk-tik, -'är-tik
Function: adjective
Usage: often capitalized
Etymology: Middle English antartik, from Latin antarcticus, from
Greek antarktikos, from anti- + arktikos arctic
: of or relating to the south pole or to the region near it
Main Entry: 1arc·tic
Pronunciation: 'ärk-tik, 'är-tik
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English artik, from Latin arcticus,
from Greek arktikos, from arktos bear,
Ursa Major, north; akin to Latin ursus bear, Sanskrit rksa
1 often capitalized : of or relating to the north pole or the
region near it
2 a : bitter cold : FRIGID b : cold in temper or mood <an arctic
smile>
So actually, sports fans, this is a quiz.
Does anyone know where these two words come from?
They come from the Greek word for bear (arktos).
The North Pole has polar bears. The South Pole doesn't have
bears. ANT ARKTOS means no bears.
Now this was helpful, wasn't it? You learn something new
every day. RJA
By the way, everyone gets to play this game. If you have a good vocabulary word,
send it in!! Best word each month gets a free practice night. Be
sure to add a sentence!
dance@ssqq.com )
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SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND
ROMANCE!! |
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SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE: JOEL MCCLESKY AND RUTH SCHAUBERGER
ANNOUNCE THEIR ENGAGEMENT!
Joel McClesky, the amazing student of Anita Williams who has won
every dance contest he has entered, recently told me that he and
his long-time beautiful girlfriend Ruth are tying the knot
on
January 29, 2005.
I am so happy for them! This is one Wedding Waltz
I would love to watch!
They will be a very beautiful couple, this I
guarantee. |
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SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE: MICHELLE
WANN AND TRENT HAYNES NOVEMBER 2004 WEDDING REVISITED
(Editor's note: the original article was in last
month's January Newsletter, but I left the text
underneath Michelle's letter to make it easier to
find)
-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle Wann
Sent: Saturday, December 18, 2004 4:49 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: RE: Newsletter
Rick, Thank you so much for
the article in the newsletter! It kinda took me by
surprise - I’d forgotten that you always mention these
things! Anyway it was fun to read but I have a couple
of things that I wanted to add. :-)
A minor point
first: I actually came to SSQQ in late 1998 right
before the big swing explosion. I actually learned
swing from you and Maureen originally. I took a
year’s break and then some friends convinced me to
come back in 2000. This time, it stuck and I haven’t
been able to leave.
:-)
The first time that
Trent actually danced with me, he didn’t even ask! It
was during a birthday jam for me a couple of years ago
and he was one of the men in line towards the end. I
didn’t know who he was, but after dancing with him for
30 seconds, I knew I had to dance with him again - He
was so smooth! Later on in the same evening, a mutual
friend introduced us to each other. The next thing I
know he is taking classes at SSQQ and we were able to
get to know each other better, spending way too many
nights in the infamous SSQQ parking lot - the
beginning of many a romance. :-)
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I am very happy
that you and Marla were able to come to the reception
and help us celebrate. I was surprised but pleased
that so many people, including so many of my current
and former students were able to come!
Next for us will
be getting back into competition. Trent and I won 2nd
place at Novice Invitational in the Progressive Pro-Am
category (these are routines) in our first competition
together earlier this year against some of the very
best in nation. After taking a hiatus to plan for the
wedding, we are ready to get back into the “swing” of
things again, and hopefully I can join Bryan in the
ranks of the elite at SSQQ. Who knows? With Trent
being a 1997 National Champion at Dallas Dance,
anything is possible!
Thanks again!
Have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy new Year!
See you soon!
Michelle Wann
Haynes
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SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE: MICHELLE WANN AND TRENT HAYNES GET
MARRIED!
On Saturday, November 20, SSQQ Dance Instructor Michelle Wann
married SW Whip Dance Instructor Trent Haynes.
Michelle originally came to SSQQ as one of the Swing Kids back
around 2000. Michelle, Lise, Krista, Kimberly, Patty O, Gloria,
Steve, and Bryan all teamed up to form quite a Brat Pack back
when Swing was ultra cool.
Michelle is quite a dancer. Did you when Bryan Spivey first
began his dance competition career in 2002, Michelle and Bryan
became City Dance Champions together? Now how cool is that?
Michelle met Trent Haynes back in 2003 through (what else?)
their mutual love of Whip Dancing. I am sure they found it
amusing that they taught for dance programs that have been
rivals for 25 years. However despite all the danger of their
Montague and Capulet Romance, they were able to avoid having to
kill themselves due to the fact that no one cared. Yes, in this
era of Warm Feelings, we no longer shoot or disfigure SSQQ women
seen dancing or romancing with men from other dance studios.
There was a time when… but we won't talk about that. That's all
water and body parts under the bridge as far as I am concerned.
Actually the only real debate is which program gets more credit
for Michelle and Trent's Romance. The key figure here is none
other than Trent's Mom, the lovely Jeannie Haynes (although
these days I have a hunch she goes by "Jeannie Jenny" since her
marriage several years ago to fellow Whip dancer Warren Jenny.
However on the other hand I'm not sure how comfortable she is
going thru life as Jeannie Jenny, gosh only knows what her
middle name is, but I think out of respect for everyone
concerned I will drop this line of blather and switch to another
line of blather.)
Jeannie was once upon a time one of my very favorite dance
partners. Back in the days of 1987 when I went dancing 201
nights in a row, Jeannie was a frequent friend to me out on the
dance floor. As a result of our friendship, Jeannie and I had a
long candid chat about Trent and Michelle during their reception
dance.
First of all, Jeannie thinks Michelle is wonderful. So do I. So
that was one area where we agreed right off the bat. I asked
Jeannie how her son and Michelle met. Apparently Trent was
forlorn after a previous relationship of his went south. He
really was down in the dumps. Jeannie said he needed to get
moving again. She suggested going over to SSQQ (aka the Enemy)
and take a couple Western dance classes. This is known in the
Biz as a change in venue.
Trent decided to take his mother's advice. Once here at the
studio he noticed Michelle and was interested in meeting her.
However he didn't have the nerve to make his move right off the
bat. Things were much easier the night he saw Michelle on his
own turf at the Southwest Whip Club. Much more at ease in his
own building, he asked Michelle to dance and got to know her.
One thing led to another and… they started to date, they got
engaged, and then they got married!
Trent seems to fit in here at SSQQ just fine. He has substituted
for Bryan Spivey in the Friday Martian Class on several
occasions to great reviews. He also was one of the winners of
the September SSQQ Monthly Logic Puzzle. I knew he had good
judgment (he asked Michelle to marry him, right?), but I didn't
know he was so smart in addition. Best of all, he and Michelle
made the coveted SSQQ Halloween Costume Contest Top 10 in his
very first try in 2003! Michelle came as a Pimp and Trent came
as a Lady of the Night. I can't honestly lie enough to say they
were a "handsome couple", but I can stretch things enough to say
they were a "Striking Couple".
You are welcome to view their splendor for yourself:
http://ssqq.com/information/halloweenbest2003.htm
Michelle and Trent invited many ssqq students and staff to come
to their reception over at Melody Lane on September 20th. There
were at least 100 people at the Reception dancing the night
away. I probably knew about 75% of the guests. I felt a little
uncomfortable, especially after they frisked me and removed my
weapon, but relaxed after I discovered my Whip and their Whip
are remarkably similar. Indeed I danced successfully with
several Capulet Women and was embarrassed to notice I was
secretly enjoying myself. But don't tell anyone!
Best Wishes to Michelle and Trent! By the way, our wedding
couple was much more attractive in their Wedding Costumes than
their Halloween Costumes, especially the lovely Michelle with
her warmth and radiance shining for all to see!
COMMENTS ON THE 2004 SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE SHOWING.
I am disappointed to say our numbers were down from last year's
impressive showing of 29 engagements and marriages. I keep track
of these statistics on my Grapevine Page. You can review the
names and dates at this address:
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/grapevine.htm
I have known that the studio has been responsible for countless
marriages over the years. For example, it is a well-known fact
that if you want to get married, just join the SSQQ Staff. where
do you think Ben Liles met Diana? Or Daryl Armstrong met Joanne?
Or Karen Clawsen met Dennis? Or former instructors Ann Bush and
Brian White met? Or where Tracy King met Jeff Perry? Or Randy
Winfrey met Melissa Gauthier? Or Jim Coulter met Ulrike Lange?
Or Sharon Crawford met Bill Shaw? Or Rick met Marla?
I started keeping a closer track of SSQQ-related Romances when
we developed our web site back in 1998. For the past six years
we have averaged 23 Weddings and Engagements per year.
Here are the statistics:
1999: 23 Weddings and Engagements
2000: 30 Weddings and Engagements
2001: 21 Weddings and Engagements
2002: 18 Weddings and Engagements
2003: 29 Weddings and Engagements
2004: 17 Weddings and Engagements
However these statistics are underreported. Read the next two
emails. Note that I received them in 2004 to report weddings
that occurred two years earlier!
-----Original Message-----
From: Helen Croskell
Sent: Wednesday, August 25, 2004 10:27 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: secret ssqq wedding!
"Rick, It never made the grapevine so I guess we're 2 of the
"little people" at SSQQ, but Steve Kooper and I were married
last year and SSQQ is to "blame". We met there in just my second
week of my two-step career. So you can chalk another one up to
the SSQQ match-making-magic! We are blissfully happy and still
dancing our hearts out. Helen Croskell"
-----Original Message-----
From: Elsa Aldrich
Sent: Monday, October 25, 2004 1:47 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: slow dance and romance permission to re-take class
"Hello, Rick, My husband (Jay Schmieder) and I took beginning
swing/jitterbug in 1998. I don't think you had computer
registration then. May we take it again for half price? Jay and
I met each other that year at SSQQ and married in 2002! We
haven't been to SSQQ in a while and look forward to seeing it
again. Elsa M. Aldrich"
My point is a simple one. Many people meet at SSQQ, then kind of
drift away without telling "management" about their romance.
Then the Romance heats up and boom!, next thing you know they
get engaged.
Here is another example:
-----Original Message-----
From: TFW Computers
Sent: Tuesday, October 05, 2004 3:12 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Another Wedding engagement
"Jane Putnam met her fiancé at SSQQ maybe a year and a half ago
and are now engaged to be married next Summer. You may already
know this (I don't know), but I just got advised of such by her
friend (neighbor) here at the store.
My customer's name is Mary Ann Sandland. I have known her and
her late husband for many years. Unfortunately her husband
passed away two years ago. She and I were talking in the store
about how tough it has been (depressing, etc) and I have been
telling her for some time to go to SSQQ and have fun...and she
wants to do such and was planning on starting this month.
However, scheduling became a problem this month with her plans
so not yet.
Then she told me that she found out her neighbor Jane Putnam met
her husband at SSQQ and they are now engaged to be married next
Summer, probably in June. I asked her what night she goes to the
studio and she said she thinks Friday nights. I said that I
might know her by face, but the name didn't "ring a bell". She
didn't know the man's name. Gary Richardson"
There are so many Romances that fly beneath the SSQQ Radar it is
ridiculous! Here is another example:
December 2003
15. ANN THEALL AND ED JABLONSKI November 2003
14. LINDA MALIN AND BILL HOLDEN October 2003
13. BILL BLUM AND ELLEN CHAPMAN August 2003
09. DENNIS TAUPO AND HEATHER BLUE June 2003
Guess what these people all have in common? They told us in 2003
that they were engaged, but then never checked back in to report
they got married. Tsk Tsk!! Maybe they aren't married yet. I
thought of that, but I bet some them are.
So Sports Fans, I have a favor to ask. First go check out the
Grapevine.
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/grapevine.htm
After carefully checking out all the names, if you know of any
SSQQ-related weddings and engagements out there that haven't
been reported, I want you to turn them in!! That's right, expose
those shy smoochers for what they are - "kiss but don't
tellers!" Flings don't count but don't you agree all serious
romances need to be reported? Of course you do! Send your names
and anecdotes to the SSQQ Romance Hotline:
dance@ssqq.com
immediately!!
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VENUS AND MARS |
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Contributed by CHRIS HOLMES (Chris deserves to be punched in
the arm. Read why)
A store that
sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX where a woman may
go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is
comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you
may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you
cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes
to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These
men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself,
"Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's
further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and
love, kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I
wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love
kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better," she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love
kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be
more further up!"
And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign
reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely
good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic
streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting
me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are
no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband
Mart and have a nice day!
(Editor's Note:
Do you have something interesting to contribute on this subject?
Send it
in!!
dance@ssqq.com ) |
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CLEAN SIDE |
RETURN TO HEADLINES |
RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES |
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THE SSQQ CLEAN
SIDE JOKE PAGE
Clean Side Jokes |
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Over the years, SSQQ has been fortunate to
receive many jokes sent to us by our Newsletter readers. We have
compiled them into our Monthly Joke Page. At the end of the
year, I will add the jokes that appear in our "Best New Jokes"
column into this monthly "Hall of Fame" section. This way your
jokes will become immortal!!
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February Clean Side Selections
February CS 01: Deaf and Definitely Dumb - Joseph Stuteville
February CS 02: The Speed Trap - Gary Richardson
February CS 03: Twins - Richard Weisberg
February CS 04: The Island - Doug Bates
February CS 05: Preparing to Re-enter Society - Gary Richardson
February CS 06: The Sausage - Donna Ruth
February CS 07: You Know You are in Arkansas When… - Pat Roberts
February CS 08: The Clone Drone - Sylvia Key
February CS 09: Story of
the Burning Roof - M.Moore, D. Awad
February CS 10: The Pick-Up - Chris Holmes
February CS 11: The Phone Company Interview - Pat Roberts
February CS 12: Three Aggies in the Bar - Susan Schroeder
February CS 13: Airport Runway Snafu - S. Tucker, R. Wagner
February CS 14: Pearly Gates - Andre Faust
February CS 15: Dinner Out - Sylvia Tucker
February CS 16: The Construction Workers - Sylvia Tucker
February CS 17: Paying Better Attention - Leroy Ginzel
February CS 18: A Man's Secret To A Good Marriage - Patty Jones
February CS 19: A&M Math Class for Blondes - Kathleen Parker
February CS 20: Fred and the Preacher - Mike Guillory
February CS 21: The Devil and the New Englander - Jill Banta
February CS 22: The HMO
Manager - Patty Jones
-
THIS JOKE WAS PUBLISHED IN FEB 2004 AND HAS ENTERED THE HALL OF
FAME THIS MONTH!
February CS 23: Taking Time Off From Work - Chris Holmes
- THIS JOKE WAS PUBLISHED IN FEB 2004 AND HAS ENTERED THE HALL
OF FAME THIS MONTH!
Each month I reprint one of my favorite jokes of all time in the
Newsletter. This month I shine the SSQQ Hall of Fame Spotlight
on:
February CS 09: The
Story of the Burning Roof - Mary Tyler Moore and Debbie Awad
The three Firemen get an emergency call for a fire in progress.
As they drive over, they talk about their failed marriages and
express their bitterness towards women.
Fireman Jeff says, “Frank, who's the the meanest woman you ever
knew?”
Fireman Frank answers, “That's easy, my ex-wife. She was a
Redhead with a temper to match. She used to wear a tee-shirt to
bed that said, 'Don’t touch me. I’m out of Estrogen and I have a
Gun.' Hey, I have a joke. What do you call a Brunette in a room
full of Blondes?”
Fireman Dave answers, “That’s easy. Invisible. I should know. My
ex-wife was a brunette. She was so ugly, her hair matched her
mustache. Hey, Hank, what went wrong with you and your wife? She
was hot, man!”
Fireman Jeff replies, “Yeah, but every blonde joke ever written
applied to her. She was so stupid she used to brag she had the
best figure of any girl in the 3rd grade. Then after we were
married her mother told me she was 19 in the 3rd grade. When she
got pregnant, I asked her if the kid was mine. She said she
wasn’t sure, but not to feel bad, she wasn’t sure if it was hers
either.”
The three firemen shake their heads. They decide they hate all
women, especially the ones with hair.
Meanwhile, on top of the burning building, a Brunette, a Redhead
and a Blonde have temporarily escaped the fire by climbing to
the roof.
The Three Firemen gather on the street below and are holding a
blanket for the ladies to jump in. They exchange a dark smile
between them.
First the Firemen yell up, “Jump! Jump! One of you gotta Jump!
It’s your only chance to survive!”
The Brunette is the smart one. She is the first to realize it’s
her only chance, so she jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the
blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk and explodes
like a rude tomato.
The Fireman give each other high fives, then decide to try
again. “C’mon! Jump! You ladies gotta jump!”
“Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the Redhead.
“No! It’s just the Brunettes we can’t stand! They are so ugly.
We’re OK with Redheads!”
“Nah. I don’t believe you. I ain’t gonna jump!” the Redhead
hollers.
The Fireman who was married to the Redhead knows just what to
say. “OK, Bitch. Don’t jump. Whatever you do, don’t jump! It’s
the Blonde we want to save anyhow!”
“Goddamn that pisses me off!!” screams the Redhead. “OK, you
sons of bitches! Here I come and when I land I’m gonna kick your
stupid asses up and down the street!” The Redhead jumps and
curses the firemen all the way to the ground. SWISH! The firemen
yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement
like a pancake.
Now the Blonde crawls to the edge of the roof and sees the
Firemen giving each other jumping high fives. She frowns and
hatches a plan. They’ll never fool her!!
Looking up and spotting the last woman, the firemen start to
yell, “Hey Blondie, Jump! You have to jump!”
“No way! I’m not that stupid!! You’re just gonna pull the
blanket away!” yelled the Blonde.
“No! Really! You have to jump! We promise won’t pull the blanket
away!”
“Look, you guys can't fool me!!” the Blonde says, “I’m too smart
for that! Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not
gonna pull the blanket away! So do what I tell you - Put the
blanket down on the ground. Now back away from it...”
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BLUE SIDE |
RETURN TO HEADLINES |
RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES |
RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES |
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THE SSQQ
BLUE SIDE JOKES! |
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The Blue Side Jokes are one of the great
secrets of the SSQQ web site. It is
your reward for taking dance classes at SSQQ.
Anyone who is on the SSQQ Registration List is welcome to have
access.
All you need to do to get the address is to email me from
the email address you use to register for classes and request it.
dance@ssqq.com
Although the Blue Side is off-limits to the outer world
and only SSQQ Students are invited into the inner sanctum of
“Dirty Jokes”, each month we manage to find one that is
printable. Please see below!!
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(Editor's Note: The Blue Side of Town Joke Page is one of the
great secrets of the SSQQ web site. Anyone who is on the SSQQ
Registration List is welcome to have access. This means if you
get the Newsletter, you are invited to visit the naughty jokes
page.
All you need to do to get the new address is to email me from
the email address you use to register for classes and request
it. dance@ssqq.com
February Blue Side Jokes
February BS 01: Aggie Sex Change - Richard Weisberg
February BS 02: Bullets - Kathleen Parker
February BS 03: Blue Yoga - Lynn Bevis
February BS 04: Monica Revisited - Richard Weisberg
February BS 05: Statues in the Park - Mike Guillory
February BS 06: Oxymoron - The Sensitive Man - Gary Richardson
February BS 07: The Ranch Hand - Lynn Bevis
February BS 08: The Bus - Richard Weisberg
February BS 09: The Beverly Clintons - Judy Walsh
February BS 10: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly - Pat Roberts
February BS 11: The Golf Injury - Lynn Bevis and Pat Roberts
February BS 12: The Gas Grill - Leo Skiba
February BS 13: A Texas Wedding - Richard Weisberg
February BS 14: The Fishing Trip - Gary Richardson
February BS 15: Bondage
and Discipline - Gary Richardson
February BS 16: Viagra - Tom Easley
February BS 17: Little Red Riding Hood - Pat Roberts
Although the Blue Side is off-limits to the outer world and only
SSQQ Students are invited into the inner sanctum of "Dirty
Jokes", each month we manage to find one that is on the edge of
printable. This one barely made it past the
censors.
February BS 15: Bondage
and Discipline
Submitted by Gary Richardson
One day Mom was cleaning junior's room. Deep in the closet under
a pile of dirty clothes she found an S+M magazine. On the cover
was a picture of a partially naked man on his knees in bondage
with a hooded dominatrix towering over him holding a whip. She
let out a stunned gasp.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine and
cried most of the afternoon until the boy's father got home. She
found the magazine and showed it to him.
She watched him carefully as he looked at it. She saw his eyes
grow huge with astonishment. He shook his head, then handed it
back to her with out a word. They just stared at each other.
She finally asked him, " Well, what should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should
spank him."
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START OF THE SPECIAL FEATURES SECTION |
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SPECIAL FEATURE ONE |
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-----Original Message-----
From: DWIGHT STANLEY
Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 2:14 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Cc: DWIGHT STANLEY
Subject: IRS Letter
Rick,
I
don't know if you have seen this beauty in your travels around
the internet but it is a classic. I've seen a few different
versions of it but it is supposedly based on an actual letter
written to the IRS by a guy named Bob Mullen from Utah in
the mid 90's. There are also many more examples of "Is anybody
listening in DC" if you use a "Letter to the IRS" search on
Yahoo. Enjoy and share.
Dwight Stanley
A Letter To The IRS...
This, "Actual Letter to the IRS" has been making its way around
the Internet for a year or two and is a marvelous example of
genuine wit and satire at the highest level.
If dry razor sharp humor is your cup of tea, drink long and
prosper.
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Dear Sirs:
I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of
the three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Income Tax
return.
Thank you.
I have questioned whether these are my children or not for
years. They are evil and expensive. I feel it’s only fair—since
they are minors, and no longer my responsibility—that the
government knows something about them and what to expect over
the next year.
You may apply next year to reassign them back to me and
reinstate the deductions; this year, however, they are yours.
The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Just ask her!
I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can
answer people’s questions about their tax returns. While she has
had no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her
knowledge of any other subject you can name. Taxes should be a
breeze.
Next year she is going to college. I think it’s wonderful that
you will now be responsible for that expense.
While you mull that over, keep in mind she has a truck. It
doesn’t run at the moment so you have the immediate decision of
appropriating some Health and Human Services funds to fix the
vehicle or getting up early to drive her to school.
Kristen also has a boyfriend. Oh joy. While she possesses all
the wisdom of the universe, her alleged mother and I have felt
it best to occasionally remind her of the virtues of
abstinence—and, in the face of overwhelming passion, safe sex.
This is always uncomfortable and I’m quite relieved you will be
handling it in the future.
May I suggest you reinstate Jocelyn Elders; she had a rather
good handle on the problem.
Patrick is 14. I’ve had my suspicions about this one. His eyes
are a little too close together for normal people. He may be a
tax examiner himself someday if you don’t incarcerate him first.
In February, I was rudely awakened at three in the morning by a
police officer who was bringing Pat home. He and his friends
were TP’ing houses. In the future would you like him delivered
to the local IRS office or sent directly to Ogden, UT?
Kids at 14 will do almost anything on a dare. His hair is
purple. Permanent dye, temporary dye, what’s the big deal? Learn
to deal with it. You’ll have plenty of time since he is sitting
out a few days of school after instigating a food fight. I’ll be
sure to file your phone number with the vice principal. Oh yes,
he, and all his friends, have raging hormones. This is the house
of testosterone, and it will be much more peaceful once he has
moved in with you.
DO NOT leave him or any of his friends unsupervised with girls,
explosives, flammables, inflatables, vehicles or telephones.
(I’m sure you’ll find the telephones a source of unimaginable
amusement; be sure to lock out the 900 and 976 numbers.)
Heather is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared
quite by magic one year. I’m sure this one is yours. She is 10,
going on 21. She came from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears
tie-dyed clothes, beads, sandals and hair that looks like Tiny
Tim’s. Fortunately, your recent tax increase will help you
offset the pinch of her remedial reading courses. "Hooked on
Phonics" is expensive, so the schools dropped it.
Good news, though! You can buy it yourselves for half the amount
of the deduction you are denying. It’s quite obvious we were
terrible parents (ask the other two), so they have "helped"
raise this one to a new level of terror. She cannot speak
English. Most people under twenty understand the curious patois
she fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the
hood/reggae/yuppie/political doublespeak. I don’t.
The school sends her to a speech pathologist who has her roll
her R’s. It added a refreshing Mexican/Irish touch to her voice.
She wears hats backward, pants baggy, and wants one of her ears
pierced four more times.
There is a fascination with tattoos that worries me, but I’m
sure you can handle it.
Bring a truck when you come to get her, she sort of "nests" in
her room, and I think it would be easier to move the entire
thing rather than find out what’s really in there.
You denied two of the three deductions so I guess it’s only fair
you get to pick which two you will take. I prefer you take the
two youngest; I’ll still go bankrupt with Kristen’s college
expense but then I’m free! If you take the two oldest, at least
I have time for counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If
you take the two girls I won’t feel so bad about putting Patrick
in a military academy.
Please let me know of your decision as soon as possible, as I
have already increased the withholding on my W4 to cover the
$395 in additional tax and made a down payment on an airplane.
Yours Truly,
Willoughby R. Winslow
791 Kingston Avenue
Piedmont, CA 94611-4462
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SPECIAL FEATURE
TWO |
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(contributed by Pat Roberts)
Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin
AwardS 2003.
For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual
honor given to the person who provided the Universal human gene
pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in the most
extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition again this year has been keen.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through
an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-
foot-high cliff on his daily run.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey
Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not
penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in
Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would
not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and
pull the trigger.
* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta,
27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with
their snowmobiles.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ,
and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of
dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the
window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice
the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One
end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other
end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham,
"is that God was watching out for me on that night."
"There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was
never located.
WINNER OF THE 2003 DARWIN AWARD....
PADERBORN, GERMANY Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed
his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and
more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the
keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and
lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels
on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay under all that
dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those
freak accidents that "schitt happens."
Cheers,
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SPECIAL FEATURE THREE |
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(contributed by Judy Walsh)
Below is an article written by Rick Reilly
of Sports Illustrated. He details his experiences when given the
opportunity to fly in a F-14 Tomcat. If you aren't laughing out
loud by the time you get to "Milk Duds," your sense of humor is
broken.
"Now this message is for America's most famous athletes:
Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of
your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already
have ... John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few.
If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest
sincerity...
Move to Guam.
Change your name.
Fake your own death!
Whatever you do ..
Do Not Go!!!
I know. The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I
was pumped. I was toast! I should've known when they told me my
pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval
Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach.
Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks
like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy
surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who
wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see
this man, run the other way. Fast.
Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years
the voice of NASA missions. ("T-minus 15 seconds and counting ."
Remember?) Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to
hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by
nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, "We have a liftoff."
Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful
$60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not
unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick,
so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was
something I should eat the next morning.
"Bananas," he said.
"For the potassium?" I asked.
"No," Biff said, "because they taste about the same coming up as
they do going down."
The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit
with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like
Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot ... but, still, very cool.) I
carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had
instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole
Kidman, this was it.
A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then
fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would
"egress" me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be
immediately knocked unconscious. Just as I was thinking about
aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave
the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up
at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another
F-14.
Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the
ride lasted 80. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six
Flags Over Hell. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, sap
rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again,
sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We
chased another F-14, and it chased us.
We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying
at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G
force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body
weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as
Mrs. Colin Montgomerie.
And I egressed the bananas. I egressed the pizza from the night
before.
And the lunch before that. I egressed a box of Milk Duds from
the sixth grade. I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the
G's, I was egressing stuff that did not even want to be egressed.
I went through not one airsick bag, but two.
Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one
point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a
mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a
tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was
the first person in history to throw down.
I used to know cool. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass,
or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know cool.
Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon
nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black
book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than
a rookie reliever makes in a home stand.
A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He
said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said
he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.
What is it? I asked.
"Two Bags."
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SPECIAL FEATURE
FOUR |
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Contributed by Bett Sundermeyer
MIDNIGHT VISIT by Fred Wickert
During my Air Force career I was stationed in Tokyo, Japan.
While there, I acquired a wife, a dog and a cat.
The dog, a honey colored Cocker Spaniel with a lot of white
freckles on his nose, was named Freckles. The cat was yellow
and white, without a tail, and we named him Blondie.
Fortunately, they got along with each other very well.
Freckles and I had a relationship of deep and abiding love.
When the Air Force sent my wife and I back to the USA on a
plane, we were not allowed to bring animals. I had to send
Freckles and Blondie on a commercial flight.
I took them to the airport and put them together in the same
cage.
They were such good friends that I knew they would be
happier and less afraid if they were together. People at the
airport were amazed when they saw them. Everybody knew that
dogs and cats just don't mix.
After picking them up at the airport in California, Freckles
and Blondie traveled all over the United States with us, by
car. They were always with us.
Half way through my career, I was transferred to Andrews Air
Force Base in Maryland, to become one of the security force
protecting the aircraft used by the President. Freckles and
Blondie went with us.
After five years, I went to the war in Vietnam. This time, I
had to go alone and leave Freckles and my wife behind.
Blondie had passed away two years before.
When I returned a little over a year later, Freckles and I
were overjoyed to be together again. I had been reassigned
to Presidential Security for the remainder of my career, so
we didn't have to move again.
In late autumn in the following year, I got up one morning
at a very early hour. Freckles woke up and joined me in the
kitchen as I prepared and ate my breakfast. I petted him for
a few minutes, and then he went to the coat closet inside
the front door. There was a folded piece of carpet in there
that he liked to sleep on.
When I was ready to leave, I went to get my coat and hat
from the closet. I reached down to pet Freckles and tell him
goodbye, and discovered that he had died. I canceled my
plans that day, built him a nice casket and gave him a
decent burial.
About a year later, I was working the midnight shift. I was
in a warm hangar, guarding the President's small airplane.
Most people were unaware of the small plane, a four engine
Lockheed Jet Star. At that time, they knew only of the
Boeing 707.
I was seated at a small table at the front of the plane
where everyone had to sign in and out, but at that early
hour there was no one there but me.
Without being aware of becoming drowsy, I had fallen asleep.
If, in the military, you are found asleep on guard duty, you
are court-martialed or severely punished. It would ruin a
career and even a pension. I only had three years remaining
before retirement.
Suddenly, Freckles was there on the table, licking my face!
He woke me up. I know it wasn't a dream because my face was
wet with his saliva. I could feel him. It was real! He was
there!
Just as I awoke, there was someone coming in the door on the
other side of the hangar.
It was the Security Superintendent, who occasionally came in
the middle of the night to check on us.
Freckles had just saved me and my career.
Yes, Freckles had passed away more than a year before. Yet,
he was still with me and still faithful.
Now I know that there is life after death. And I know that
Freckles is my Guardian Angel!
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March 10, 2004, 12:18AM
Wal-Mart shopper comes up zero with bogus bills
By ERIC STIRGUS
Atlanta Constitution
ATLANTA -- Maybe it was the funny-looking image of the Statue of
Liberty that raised the cashier's suspicions.
Or maybe it was the number of zeros.
Either way, Janice Sanders, a cashier at the Wal-Mart store in
Covington, Ga., thought better than to take the $1 million bill.
Yes, $1 million.
So Sanders called her manager, who called Covington police, who
arrested the woman, Alice Pike, 35.
The federal government, by the way, doesn't make $1 million
bills. They only go as high as $100 bills. In 1969, the
Department of the Treasury and the Federal Reserve System
discontinued currency notes in denominations of $500, $1,000,
$5,000, and $10,000 due to lack of use.
"This is the first time in my law enforcement career I've seen
someone trying to use a$1 million bill," said Covington
Assistant Police Chief Almond Turner, who's been an officer for
31 years. "It was green, but you could tell it was not a real
bill."
Pike was being held Tuesday at Newton County Jail on $2,550
bail. She is charged with first-degree forgery.
On Friday, Pike tried to use a couple of Wal-Mart cards to pay
for $1,671.55 worth of items. But she only had a total of $2.32
on the cards, police said, so she handed the cashier a $1
million bill. Pike then asked for change, police said. That
would be $998,328.45. When police arrived, Pike pulled two more
$1 million bills from her purse.
Pike told police she got the money from her husband, said
Turner, who wasn't sure if the man had been questioned.
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Texas woman buys first ever cloned-to-order pet
Nine-week-old "Little Nicky," was successfully cloned and sold
for $50,000.
By The Associated Press
(12/23/04 - SAN FRANCISCO, CA) -
The first cloned-to-order pet sold in the United States is named
Little Nicky, a 9-week-old kitten delivered to a Texas woman
saddened by the loss of a cat she had owned for 17 years.
The kitten cost its owner $50,000 and was created from DNA from
her beloved cat, named Nicky, who died last year.
"He is identical. His personality is the same," the owner,
Julie, told The Associated Press in a telephone interview.
Although she agreed to be photographed with her cat, she asked
that her last name and hometown not be disclosed because she
said she fears being targeted by groups opposed to cloning.
Yet while Little Nicky, who was delivered two weeks ago, frolics
in his new home, the kitten's creation and sale has reignited
fierce ethical and scientific debate over cloning technology,
which is rapidly advancing.
The company that created Little Nicky, Sausalito-based Genetic
Savings and Clone, said it hopes by May to have produced the
world's first cloned dog a much more lucrative market than cats.
While it is based in the San Francisco Bay area, the company's
cloning work will be done at its new lab in Madison, Wis.
Commercial interests already are cloning prized cattle for about
$20,000 each, and scientists have cloned mice, rabbits, goats,
pigs, horses and even the endangered banteng, a wild bull that
is found mostly in Indonesia.
Several research teams around the world, meanwhile, are racing
to create the first cloned monkey.
Aside from human cloning, which has been achieved only at the
microscopic embryo stage, no cloning project has fueled more
debate than the marketing plans of Genetic Savings and Clone.
"It's morally problematic and a little reprehensible," said
David Magnus, co-director of the Center for Biomedical Ethics at
Stanford University. "For $50,000, she could have provided homes
for a lot of strays."
Animals rights activists complain that new feline production
systems aren't needed because thousands of stray cats are
euthanized each year for want of homes.
Lou Hawthorne, Genetic Savings and Clone's chief executive, said
his company purchases thousands of ovaries from spay clinics
across the country. It extracts the eggs, which are combined
with the genetic material from the animals to be cloned.
Critics also complain that the technology is available only to
the wealthy, that using it to create house pets is frivolous and
that customers grieving over lost pets have unrealistic
expectations of what they're buying.
In fact, the first cat cloned in 2001 had a different coat from
its genetic donor, underscoring that environment and other
biological variables make it impossible to exactly duplicate
animals.
"The thing that many people do not realize is that the cloned
cat is not the same as the original," said Bonnie Beaver, a
Texas A&M animal behaviorist who heads the American Veterinary
Medical Association, which has no position on the issue. "It has
a different personality. It has different life experiences. They
want Fluffy, but it's not Fluffy."
Scientists also warn that cloned animals suffer from more health
problems than their traditionally bred peers and that cloning is
still a very inexact science. It takes many gruesome failures to
produce just a single clone.
Genetic Savings and Clone said its new cloning technique,
developed by animal cloning pioneer James Robl has improved
survival rates, health and appearance. The new technique seeks
to condense and transfer only the donor's genetic material to a
surrogate's egg instead of an entire cell nucleus.
Between 15 percent and 45 percent of cloned cats born alive die
within the first 30 days, Hawthorne said. But he said that range
is consistent with natural births, depending on the breed of
cat.
Austin, Texas-based ViaGen Inc., which has cloned hundreds of
cows, pigs and goats, also is experimenting with the new cloning
technique.
"The jury is still out, but the research shows it to be
promising," company president Sara Davis said. "The technology
is improving all the time."
Genetic Savings and Clone has been behind the creation of at
least five cats since 2001, including the first one created.
It hopes to deliver as many as five more clones to customers who
have paid the company's $50,000 fee. By the end of next year, it
hopes to have cloned as many as 50 cats.
The company has yet to turn a profit.
(Copyright 2004 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)
The Most Beautiful Hotel in the
World!!
contributed by Gary Richardson
This is actually not a story, but
rather some fun pictures.
Gary sent me pictures of the unbelievable Burj Al
Arab Hotel. This hotel is in
Dubai which is in the United Arab Emirates.
The Emirates are neighbors of Kuwait and Saudi
Arabia. I believe that is
the Persian Gulf in the picture.
This hotel is obviously one of those places where if you
have to ask how much it costs, then you probably shouldn't
bother. But since you are curious, Rates
start at $2000 USD per
night and go up to $7000+ per night!!
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In August 2004 SSQQ Instructor Mona
Nashed visited this hotel and brought back some pictures.
She also has a riddle for you to solve!
Click here to enjoy the awesome pictures:
The Most
Beautiful Hotel in the World!!
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a Special Note
from Rick Archer about Email, the SSQQ Newsletter, and Spam.
I now receive an average of 150 spam emails a day. Because
I run a business where people email me at random from all over the world on
a variety of subjects, I am reluctant to install filters.
The problem with this kind of volume is the potential I
can accidentally delete valuable emails from ssqq students, especially when
I don’t recognize the name. To minimize this possibility, please be sure to
put a title with some thought behind it in the “Subject” box when you are
trying to contact us.
As for the SSQQ Email Newsletter, more and more people
report that it is being blocked at their jobs as “Spam”. This leaves me no
choice but to make the Email I send out as innocuous as possible.
For that matter you may stop receiving the SSQQ Email
Newsletter at any time for reasons that are out of my hands. A month ago, I
had over 600 Newsletter Emails sent to students with Yahoo accounts bounced
back to me. I contacted Yahoo and was given no explanation why the emails
bounced. It is tough to correct a problem when you don’t even know what is
causing it.
In the future, I suggest you automatically go to the
Newsletter on the SSQQ Web Site a couple days before classes start and read
the latest news whether you get an email reminder or not.
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NO STANDING IN LINE – SIGN UP ON-LINE (SSQQ ONLINE
REGISTRATION)
https://www153.ssldomain.com/ssqq/register/
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AND THAT’S A WRAP FOR THIS ISSUE (AND DON’T FORGET TO GO
TO THE WEB SITE FOR THE COMPLETE NEWSLETTER!!) As you can see, the SSQQ Newsletter is written to a large
extent by its readers. Many people contribute jokes, pictures, and
interesting items each month. Anyone is welcome to join the fun!
If you have any comments, suggestions, requests, complaints, jokes, pictures
or poetry to share, please send it to me, Rick Archer, at
dance@ssqq.com
And thanks for reading all the way to the bottom! …. I
might add I do have reason to believe some of you simply scroll to the
bottom to look for any little surprises I hide down here. ;-) Anyhow,
thanks to all for making it this far!
Rick Archer
SSQQ Dance Studio
4803 Bissonnet
Email:
dance@ssqq.com
Web:
www.ssqq.com
Phone: 713-861-1906
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