THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY CHAPTER forty ONE: PRINCE CHARMING Written by Rick Archer

PAPER TIGER   Joanne's emergence at the Christmas Party and then again on Bombshell Saturday established her as a menace to Victoria.  Even so, I knew Joanne was not a serious threat.  However, based on Victoria's extreme over-reaction, she was very upset.  This made no sense.  One would assume a woman as talented as Victoria would be totally secure.  Instead I was witnessing a woman whose angry response during the Tirade and subsequent Inquisition was wildly insecure.  What could explain Victoria's insecurity?  The term 'Paper Tiger' refers to someone who appears to be powerful and threatening but is actually ineffectual and quite harmless.  Did Joanne have Victoria totally fooled?  Quite possibly.  I was certain I was onto something.   However, before I said anything, it was important to better understand the dynamics behind this implausible situation.  The obvious explanation for Victoria's outburst at the Pistachio Club had been jealousy.  Why else would she be so worried about my sex life?  However, the presence of Michael contradicted that theory.  If a married woman is jealous, she certainly isn't going to let her husband know.  Since 'Jealousy' no longer seemed the correct explanation for Victoria's Tirade, I reexamined the clues.  Joanne was a much better dancer, but that was her only major advantage.  This shy, unrefined country girl was no match for Victoria's looks, education, shrewdness and popularity.  So what could Victoria be worried about?  It had to be more than just Joanne's superior dancing.  That is when a strange idea came to me.  Although I knew Joanne was no threat, Victoria was completely in the dark regarding her opponent.  Given how little Victoria knew about the Ice Queen, I toyed with the possibility that Victoria had a badly inflated sense of Joanne's actual threat level.  While Victoria saw Joanne as strong and fierce, in reality there was only one place on earth where Joanne had any confidence.  It was Victoria's bad luck that Joanne's dance prowess was the only thing she knew about the Ice Queen.   Victoria had no idea that while Joanne's dance floor bravado was impressive, otherwise there was nothing to fear.  Aha!  Victoria's problem was not Jealousy, it was Fear of the Unknown.  This explanation actually made sense to me.  I grinned at the vision of mighty Victoria trembling over the non-existent danger Joanne presented to her precious Diva Throne.  Joanne's disguise benefitted from what Victoria knew about the typical 'dance student profile'.  My dance students were very impressive people.  90% were college-educated professionals with successful careers.  Joanne was the only person I knew for certain who did not have a college degree.  I was not even sure Joanne had finished high school.  She held a job as a low-paid receptionist.  Barely able to type, Joanne made so little money she could not even afford a home phone.  However, how was Victoria supposed to know that?  No one knew that Joanne was poor but me!  Why not?  Because Joanne had the sense to keep her mouth shut.  Joanne was the Ice Queen, International Woman of Mystery. Not once had Victoria gotten close enough to check Joanne's makeup, shoes, clothes or jewelry.  Not once had she spoken to Joanne.  Nor did Victoria know anyone else who had spoken to Joanne (except me).  This information blackout eroded Victoria's confidence like acid.  In Victoria's mind, Joanne was probably just as successful in her career as Patricia was in hers.  Victoria also knew that Joanne's dancing ability was far more valuable to me than Patricia's beauty.  After seeing Joanne's exceptional dance talent, perhaps Victoria imagined Joanne had years of dance training and vast experience performing in shows.  Ballet company?  Jazz background?  Dance major in college?  Cheerleader skilled in acrobatics?  Good lord, with Joanne as Rick's dance partner and Glen as their teacher, Rick and Joanne were good enough to win dance contests!  In that case, there goes Victoria's dream of dance glory. Of course this Paper Tiger theory was just a guess on my part, but it made sense.  The only thing Victoria knew about Joanne was that she was good looking, had a knockout body, and was the greatest dancer since Ginger Rogers.  Unlike Patricia, Joanne was already helping me teach dance classes.  What if Joanne had an interest in my career equivalent to Victoria's?  That fear hit very close to home.  In reality, Joanne could never match Victoria's genius, but Victoria did not know that.  She was suffering under the illusion that Joanne was a smart, educated professional like Patricia who could also dance.  Plus Joanne had an advantage Victoria could never match.  Based on 'The Look', Joanne was sexually attracted to me.  That made her a threat to put her shapely body to good use... and Victoria knew it. Who would have ever thought that Joanne's longing for me would drive Victoria up a wall?  I bet when Victoria saw those Cow Eyes, she panicked and jumped to conclusions.  What if Victoria mistook Joanne's stand-off nature for an air of superiority?  What if Victoria assumed Joanne was a college graduate like the rest of us?  What if Victoria visualized Joanne as a sharp-witted financial analyst or cutthroat lawyer?  Victoria's nightmare scenario elevated the Ice Queen way past Patricia as a danger because Joanne fit my dance career like a glove.  Worst of all, if Rick and Joanne began having sex, Rick might very well make Joanne the new Supreme Diva of Disco and replace Victoria.  In reality, did I ever consider replacing Victoria with Joanne?  No.  Maybe as a girlfriend, but never as a business partner or dance teacher.  Would I replace Victoria with Joanne as a dance partner?  If Victoria lost interest, yes, but that was highly unlikely.  When all was said and done, Victoria had no idea the enormity of her misconception.  In reality, Joanne was the mouse that roared, the cat who ran the bear up the tree all rolled into one big nightmare.  Infuriated by the doomsday possibility of being replaced after all the things she had done to elevate me, Victoria was convinced she had to put an end to Joanne's crush before it was too late.  And so Victoria snapped.  This was more than she could handle.  Victoria had amplified Joanne's threat level so far out of proportion to Reality that she feared her dance empire was slipping away.  That goddamn hussy was stealing her Dream!   Was this a case of Cosmic Blindness?  Theoretically people see what they want to see.  However, if Fate is involved, sometimes people will be forced to see what the Cosmos wants them to see.  Is this what happened to Victoria?  If you believe in Fate, maybe so.  If Karma decreed it was her turn to suffer, then perhaps that is why she was so blind to the truth.  Victoria's 'Achilles Heel' was her over-active imagination.  Amazing but true, this dynamic woman could be just as insecure as the rest of us.  I was positive this was the explanation I was looking for.  If so, this was too funny for words!!   Did I feel sorry for her?  Heck no.  I was sick and tired of letting Victoria bully me around.  I finally understood Victoria's motivation with startling clarity.  With her dreams so close she could taste them, Joanne's performance at the Christmas Party left Victoria devastated.  On Pistachio Saturday, Joanne seemed equally determined to become the Supreme Goddess of Disco.  Victoria was convinced Joanne was trying to steal thunder from her grasp and had the talent to do it.  This was not fair!  Victoria had dedicated herself into making me successful because Disco was her Realm and I was her vehicle.   Having wrapped her identity into becoming the Supreme Goddess of Disco, Victoria lost her temper due to the fear that Joanne was ready to sneak in and take it from her.  Since I held the Keys to the Kingdom, Victoria's dreams would be shattered unless she could manipulate me into abandoning Joanne.  This explained  Victoria's aggressive tactics in the Tirade and Inquisition.  The irony was overwhelming.  Through a far-fetched series of events stranger than the wildest Charles Dickens plot, a shy, poverty-stricken small town girl had somehow chased the brilliant Victoria up a tree.   Could this ridiculous Beauty Contest possibly be any more absurd? A MOUNTAIN OF BULLSHIT   In the classic movie Risky Business, a young man is in a world of trouble.  Every time he makes a move to extricate himself, things get worse.  Finally he finds himself completely cornered.  The only way of this jam is to take the biggest risk of his entire life.  So what does he say to himself?  "There is a time to play it safe and a time for Risky Business.  Sometimes you just gotta say 'What the Fuck' and make your move." That was pretty much how I felt right now.  While Victoria droned on during the Inquisition, my mind had been sorting through a maze of Bear in the Tree revelations.  Suddenly I had a blinding inspiration.  Let's use Victoria's fear as a way to put an end to this bullying!  If Victoria was irrationally afraid of Joanne, then it was to my advantage to amplify her fears.  The time had come for me to Dominate, so I did my best Tom Cruise impersonation.  Before I could stop myself long enough to think twice, words rolled off my tongue like I was taking automatic dictation.  "Victoria, I'm sorry, but I have not been completely candid with you."  [no kidding!] That got Victoria's attention in a hurry.  Throughout our game of matching wits, Victoria was convinced I had been hiding something.  As Victoria snapped to attention, I whispered, "You know..."  I paused here to pretend I wasn't really sure I wanted to confess what was on my mind.  It worked.  Barely able to contain herself, Victoria urged me to continue.  "Go on, Rick, I'm listening!" What time was it?  Close to 11 pm.  Alone together in Victoria's giant car, we had been talking here in the parking lot for over an hour.  Although there was a glimmer of moonlight, it was very dark.  With our faces shadowed, it was hard to read our expressions with certainty.  That was to my advantage.  It made it easier to lie.  I stared out the window of Victoria's car for a moment as if in Dreamland, then turned to face her.  With a rueful smile, I began. "I'm sorry, Victoria, but maybe the time has come to put my cards on the table and tell you the whole truth." Now Victoria was really paying attention.  "What is it you're trying to say?" "I guess I owe you an apology."  Victoria gasped.  She was riveted.  As the white of her eyes bulged like glowing orbs in the darkness, I paused again to ratchet up the tension.  When Victoria leaned closer as if to hear better, it took everything I had not to burst out laughing.  I should have been ashamed of myself, but there was no stopping now.  The die was cast.  But first I wanted Victoria to squirm a little.  My wounded pride demanded that much.  Sure enough, Victoria was on pins and needles.  She could not wait any longer.  She had to know! "Go on, Rick, you can tell me.  I deserve to know the truth!" With a deep breath and another long sigh for show, I was ready now.  As Tom Cruise would say, "What the fuck." "Well, you will recall how Patricia gave me the cold shoulder at the Christmas Party last December.  I have never told you this, but Patricia was punishing me that night for choosing you over her to be my dance partner with Glen Hunsucker [that was the truth].  You and I haven't talked much since then, but Patricia spent the entire month of December persuading me to change my mind and pick her over you."  [that was a total lie, Patricia wanted me to quit dance completely].  Pausing for effect, I continued. "On New Year's Day before Patricia left on her trip, we had another fight.  She knew you and I were about to resume our lessons with Glen in January.  Patricia was furious.  She demanded that I take lessons with her instead of you.  When I stood up to her and said I didn't think that was a very good idea, Patricia lost her temper and told me to leave.  I spent the next week bitter towards Patricia for demanding that I overlook your contributions and betray you." This, of course, was a total fabrication.  None of this had anything to do with Victoria.  My anger was about George and the law school issue.  But Victoria did not need to know that. Victoria gasped in horror.  "You cannot be serious!" "Yes, I am completely serious.  When Joanne came to help with that Saturday acrobatics lesson, I was so mad at Patricia that I wanted to pay her back for being such a jerk towards you.  How dare she demand that I betray you after all the things you have done for me!  I figured the easiest way to punish her was to show Patricia how easily she could be replaced.  You weren't around, so I decided to use Joanne to teach Patricia a lesson.  I casually mentioned to Joanne that I was going dancing that night and maybe she should join me.  My idea was to make Patricia jealous.  I figured Joanne would take the bait and show up at the club, but I never counted on her going overboard like that.  My mistake was that Joanne misinterpreted my motives.  I am so sorry.  I owe you an apology."  I paused to see if my gambit was working.  Victoria was spellbound!  Her mouth was so wide open I could have tossed in some popcorn. "Are you saying you used Joanne to get back at Patricia?" "Yes, Victoria.  Unfortunately it backfired because Joanne got the wrong impression."  "Hold up a minute.  If I hear you correctly, you used Joanne to get back at Patricia, but you managed to upset me in the process.  Why haven't you told me this before?" "I was afraid to tell you because I know how much you dislike Patricia.  My life would be a lot easier if you and Patricia would get along, but that would never happen if you knew Patricia was looking for a way to put a knife in your back.  Don't you see?  Joanne is not the problem, I'm not interested in her.  The real threat is Patricia.  She wants to steal your thunder in the worst way.  But I haven't had the courage to tell you." "Why not?" "Because the truth would make things worse between the two of you than they already are.  Plus I was ashamed of myself for playing games only to see things mushroom out of control like this.  Let's face it, Victoria, you know I don't have much sense when it comes to politics.  That's your forte, not mine." Victoria frowned.  She was halfway there, but I still had some doubt to overcome. "I don't get it.  Why were you so determined to spend more time with Joanne than you were with on Saturday night?" "If I had known you were going to lose your temper, I would have handled things differently.  But once you started all nonsense about Joanne's 'Look', I realized this was no place for an explanation given that Michael and the other couple were listening in.  Plus I had promised Joanne I would dance with her.  I'm sorry, Victoria, everything went wrong that night." This entire line of conversation was utter nonsense.  However, it had a ring of truth to it.  Given Victoria's profound insecurity at the moment, it had the potential to throw her bloodhound intuition off track.  As long as Victoria did not know about George, why not continue to use Patricia's unexplained absence on Tirade Saturday to my advantage? "Rick, this is very unsettling.  I am not sure I understand why you didn't just tell me this to begin with [probably because I had not thought of this pack of lies until just now.]  "I didn't want you to know the truth about Patricia.  She is extremely jealous of you and I am always having to set her straight.  For example, Patricia is convinced that you want to have an affair with me, but I keep telling her this isn't true.  I'm serious, Victoria, I stick up for you.  I try to explain that she has misinterpreted your ambition.  I tell her that dancing is very important to you, then add this is why you have poured your heart and soul into improving the dance program.  But when I tell her that, Patricia twists it around by saying I am confused, that your efforts are part of a seduction.  So that was also what the fight was about.  Patricia is very threatened by you and did not appreciate it when I defended you." "Why haven't I heard this before?" "Victoria, you were gone for a month over the Holidays.  This is the first time we have spoken in private since the party.  Besides, these arguments were supposed to remain secrets between Patricia and me.  Patricia would kill me if she knew I was telling you these things so PLEASE don't tell her what you know [divide and conquer].  Plus I've been afraid to tell you because I don't want to upset you any more than you already are.  What I am trying to say, Victoria, is that you are barking up the wrong tree [don't forget to say hello to the bear].  Listen to me, forget Joanne.  Patricia is the real problem.  Patricia is the root cause of all this tension." Judging by the look in her eyes, Victoria wasn't quite ready to let her guard down around Joanne, but she decided to save that for later.  The good news is that her focus was now squarely on Patricia.  "So what has developed with Patricia since your fight on New Year's day?" "I'm glad you asked.  When Patricia came home Sunday night, we talked again.  After I explained again how important you are to my program, Patricia finally backed down [total lie. Victoria was never discussed].  She admitted that deep down she understood why I chose you over her to be my dance partner.  Patricia said if I wanted you as my dance partner, she didn't have to like it, but she wouldn't object any more.  After our talk, I felt so ashamed of myself.  I should have waited for Patricia to return from her trip so we could clear the air.  Instead I got Joanne involved in my stupid revenge game.  I should not have used Joanne to retaliate, but I never guessed Patricia would come to her senses on her own.  Nor did I realize that Joanne had such a big crush.  So, as you can see, Victoria, the whole thing with Joanne backfired.  This is all my fault.  I wound up giving Joanne false hopes and alienating you in the process.  I am sorry I have made such a mess of things." Victoria's bulging eyes nearly fell out of their sockets.  Overcome with incredulity, she shook her head back and forth trying to make sense of all my nonsense.  After taking a deep breath, Victoria was ready to continue.  "I appreciate what you are telling me, but I still don't understand Joanne's angle in all of this.  Did she have any idea what was really going on?" Okay, this was my chance.  My theory was Joanne had become Victoria's 'Achilles Heel'.  If true, then it was time to test my theory. "Well, that's the other thing I've been afraid to tell you.  On Saturday night, Joanne told me she wants to be my dance partner [I have lost count of all the lies].  She pointed out what a great dancer she is and begged me to enter dance contests with her.  She says we would be dynamite, but I am not sure dancing is all she was referring to.  I think that 'Look' you keep referring to was more or less what was on her mind all night long.  During our last dance, Joanne asked me if there was a place we could go to talk a little longer."   Victoria gasped.  "Oh my God, I knew it!!" "Seriously, Joanne hit on me and that's what I've been avoiding telling you.  I think Joanne thought if we slept together, she could persuade me to ditch you and make her my dance partner instead.  But you have to believe me, that is not my style.  I won't cheat on my girlfriend [shameless] and I would never dream of betraying you either [shameless beyond shameless].  I was sorely tempted to give in to Joanne's offer, so I had to walk away because I knew it wasn't right [how noble of me!!]  That's why I left so suddenly." Victoria was shaking her head in disbelief.  By twisting the facts a little, I tried to make Victoria think that Joanne and I had not connected yet.  By tapping into Victoria's paranoia, I attempted to flip her interpretation of Saturday night upside down.  It worked.  Victoria started nodding and blinking as if everything was coming into focus. "That's right, I remember how you suddenly left without saying goodbye.  You should have seen the disappointment on Joanne's face!  Now I understand what was going on.  I'll be darned, I had no idea.  So what are you going to do about Joanne?" "Yes.  I had my talk with her yesterday.  I set her straight, so don't worry about it.  I also had my talk with Patricia on Sunday.  Both women understand their roles.  Patricia is my girlfriend, Joanne remains my Monday assistant.  I told them both you are my permanent dance partner and if they don't like it, adios.  Neither woman likes you very much, but they both understand my first loyalty is to you, not them.  The only way they get to keep me in their life is to show you the respect you deserve." I could see that Victoria liked what she was hearing.  However there was still an element of suspicion. "I still don't understand why didn't you tell me this earlier tonight?" "I don't want to lose either woman.  I was afraid if you knew the truth, you would make me get rid of both of them.  I need Joanne's help with the acrobatics, so I don't want to lose her.  As for Patricia, I don't know, I figured you would hate her even more than you already do if you knew the truth." I held my breath waiting for her next question.  To my delight, she said nothing.  Instead she began to smile.  Bingo!  It worked!  Through sheer magic, I had made the Dangerous Liaison disappear under a mountain of bullshit.  The look of pure astonishment on Victoria's face was the highlight of my night.  Victoria's eyes flashed triumph like a slot machine hitting Jackpot.  Ding ding ding.  Forgive my lack of modesty, but this line of malarkey had been both brilliant and spontaneous.  She could tell it was unrehearsed, so my lack of hesitation had made the lies easier to swallow.  I had taken every Saturday moment and given it a totally dishonest interpretation.  Although Victoria's suspicion about the Dangerous Liaison had been correct from the start, through concerted misdirection I managed to convince her nothing sexual had taken place so for.  Fearful what might happen if I gave her too much time to think, I quickly spoke up.  "Victoria, do you know what I really want?" "Tell me." "To hell with Joanne.  To hell with Patricia.  I want you to be my permanent dance partner and join me at the private lessons.  I want us to perform.  We will be great.  No one has your charisma.  You are born for the spotlight." When Victoria blinked, I knew she was mine.  Faced with the radical thought that my distressing behavior had been conducted on her behalf, Victoria now believed I was her knight in shining armor... which is funny since at the moment I hated her more than I liked her.  Just call me 'Sir Richard'.  Or maybe Prince Charming.  Victoria was back in the fold.  And I was so far out on a limb it was ridiculous.

 

THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY Chapter FORTY TWO:  DECEPTION

 

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