MONDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1979 THE PHONE CALL

 

It was still Monday, October 1.  An important day.  A Fateful Day. 

Earlier this morning I handed Victoria my Ultimatum.  Following my 'Madame X' conversation at the coffee shop, I returned home around 1 pm.  To my vexation, there was still no message from Jennifer.  I almost picked up the phone to call her at work, but hesitated.  For one thing, I believed that calling her would reveal how fearful I was.  In addition, I preferred not to get into anything serious while she was at work.  Our next talk could be the most serious conversation of my life.  It needed to be done face to face.  So I waited for Jennifer to call.  No call. 

I half-expected Victoria might call.  Recalling her look of devastation upon parting, I wanted to bring Victoria down easy if she was planning to jump off a bridge.  However, I did not hear from anyone, so at 6:30 pm I went to the studio to register my Monday students for the new October dance semester.  As expected, the numbers for both classes were disappointing.  Disco had just taken another step closer to the edge of the cliff.  As if I wasn't worried enough already.

Okay, let's get this over with.  My eyes followed every tick of the clock.  I could barely wait for my 8-9 pm class to end so I could drive over to Jennifer's apartment and tell her the good news about today's meeting with Victoria.  I really wanted to see her.

I was in the middle of teaching a pattern to my Advanced Disco class at 8:45 pm when the door opened.  A woman named Kimberly poked her nose through the door and said there was a woman on the dance studio phone.  Kimberly, a volunteer in a Monday class taught by Lance Stevens, added that the woman said it was important.  When asked, Kimberly did not know who it was.  

I assumed it was Jennifer and raced to the phone.  I told my class to practice on their own and went to take the call.  To my surprise, it was Victoria. 

"Rick, I want to talk to you."

"Fine, but not now.  I'm in the middle of a class.  Let's do it in the morning.  I'm exhausted."

Enough talk for one day!  In 15 minutes I intended to drive to Jennifer's apartment and find out what she had decided to do about Jeff.  

"No, that's not good enough.  What I have to say is too important to wait."

"Well, I will call you back after class." 

"No, this is too important.  I want to speak to you in person.  I need to get something out in the open that I have never told you before.  Don't worry, it isn't terrible.  No more threats.  I just need to talk to you.  Come on, Rick, be my friend like old times.  You owe me that much."

I hesitated, but the warmth in her voice suggested a chance to wrap things up on a good note.  "Okay, Victoria, if you leave now, I will wait and we can speak here at the studio."

"No.  I want to meet at your house."

What?  Uh oh.  No, not at my house.  Sick to my stomach with fear, I said, "Victoria, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"You had a lot to say this morning.  I want to talk in private and you owe me this request.  This is important.  This is about my future.  This is about my marriage."

Victoria was right; I owed her that much.  Okay.  No matter how much I dreaded this meeting, I could not turn my back on her.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1979 TWISTED CASABLANCA

After class, I called Jennifer from the studio.  Jennifer was cordial, but not warm.  Undeterred by the tepid reception, I told her about the morning confrontation.  Then I explained Victoria's request for a late-night meeting.  I expected Jennifer would be happy that I had confronted Victoria, but to my surprise, she said nothing.  More than slightly miffed and greatly mystified, I asked Jennifer about her weekend developments with Jeff. 

Jennifer replied, "This is not the time."

I was incredulous.   At a moment like this, what kind of an answer was that?  Surely Jennifer understood our relationship was hanging in the balance.  I had no way of reading the woman's mind, but frankly, Jennifer's non-committal answer left me floundering.  So I asked her again.  "Jennifer, I have waited all weekend to know what you and Jeff have decided.  I have a right to know."

In a soft voice, Jennifer replied, "Not now.  Go to Victoria.  She needs you." 

And with that, Jennifer gently hung up the phone.  Staring at the phone in disbelief, I was aghast.  The world began swirling around me and I felt dizzy.  Good grief, was that the best Jennifer could do?  After the tumultuous series of recent events... the news of Jennifer's engagement, her sudden decision to drive to Dallas, this morning's epic Madame X confrontation... I would assume Jennifer would speak up.  Instead she left me hanging.

As I drove home, I repeated Jennifer's words over and over. "Go to Victoria, she needs you!"  What in the world was that supposed to mean?  Was Jennifer out of her mind?  I asked myself why Jennifer would defer to Victoria.  This was hardly the time to speak in riddles.  I needed to know what was going on! 

Did I somehow get the ending to Casablanca mixed up?  In my mind, I was Rick, Victoria was Ilsa, Michael was Victor.  This morning I had stepped aside to allow Ilsa-Victoria to return to Laszlo-Michael.  What a perfect ending!! 

Only one problem.  Based on that phone call, it sounded like Jennifer had read the wrong script.  She sounded confused.  Or maybe she wasn't confused.  If I heard her correctly, Jennifer was trying to hand Rick-me to Ilsa-Victoria.  That is how my gut read Jennifer's unfathomable wording. 

Jennifer sure knew how to screw up a perfect ending!  

Oh well, no matter.  I will talk to Victoria, see what she wants, then send her off with "Here's looking at you!"  Afterwards I will run to Jennifer and tell her this was the start of a beautiful friendship.  Nice fantasy, but I wasn't so sure about this.  Jennifer seemed upset.  Something was very wrong with the ending of this story.  But what?  If I did not know better, she was hiding something.  Did she re-commit to Jeff? 

This was not good...  This was Twisted Casablanca.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1979, 9:40 pm DOORSTEP NIGHT

Sitting alone in my living room, I was very upset.  Plain and simple, Jennifer had given me the cold shoulder and pushed me away.  In my mind, there seemed to be only one explanation that made any sense... Jennifer had chosen to reunite with Jeff.  I could not know for sure, but her reluctance to speak candidly reinforced my worst fear that her engagement was on again. 

Although I was convinced Jennifer loved me more than Jeff, I concluded Victoria's presence made me too big a risk for drama-averse Jennifer.  I believed she had opted for the safer choice.  No other explanation made sense.  Right now my paranoia was unbearable.  I was terrified that Jennifer had set a date.  Let me say something.  Fear does strange things to a person's mind.  It isn't easy making tough decisions when you are betting with scared money.  And right now I was scared out of my wits. 

At 9:40 pm, I heard a knock on my front door.  Which Victoria would it be?  Sunshine Victoria?  Vindictive Victoria?  Black Magic Woman?  Medusa?  Helpless Sniveling Whining Woman?  Snarling Tiger Woman? 

I idly wondered how many name tags I should prepare.  With a heavy heart, I opened the door.  It was the Helpless Sniveling Whining Woman.  Victoria was on my doorstep sobbing violently.

Then I noticed she had a suitcase.  Oh my God!  I froze with a terrible sickening feeling.  Does that suitcase mean what I think it means??  This was beyond catastrophic.  This was my worst nightmare come true.

Victoria stood there looking pathetic.  "Rick, can I come in?  Please?"

I gulped.  Oh shit.  This was not good.  This was not good at all.  My inner voice screamed not to let Victoria through that door.  I tried to inflate my body to twice its size just so the emaciated Victoria could not dart past me.  I was ready to trip her if necessary.  No matter what she said, I had to keep her here on the porch. 

Blocking the door, I said, "Are you out of your mind, Victoria!?!  What are you doing with that suitcase?"

"You have long made it clear that if I was free, you would pursue a relationship with me.  You repeated that claim this morning.  You said if I was willing to become your life partner, you would give up any other sexual, romantic relationships and try to make it work with me.  Well, Rick, I am holding you to that promise.  I have left my husband.  That is how much you mean to me.  Michael knows I am here.  I have told Michael I am leaving him.  Are you good for your word or aren't you?"

Consumed with panic, I wanted to scream at Victoria to take her suitcase and return home immediately.  But did I dare?  Did I have the guts to tell Victoria the deal was off with her standing on my doorstep?  Yes, I did have the guts!  There was no way in hell I would trade Jennifer for this basket case, so I refused to let Victoria enter.  Prepared to stand in the doorway all night if necessary, I tried to reason with her.  "Victoria, this is a very dangerous thing you are doing.  This is your marriage you are throwing away.  Are you absolutely sure about this?"

"Yes, I am.  Three months ago you lost your temper when my father called you a Playboy.  You claimed you were a stand-up guy.  This morning you said if I was willing to become your life partner, you would open your arms.  So who is right, you or my father?  Are you going to invite me in or aren't you?"

Unbelievable.  I was trapped by my own words.  "Uh, Victoria, I'm sorry, remind me what I said this morning."

Victoria smiled.  "Interesting that you should ask.  I took the liberty of writing it down in my car."  Victoria reached in her pocketbook and pulled out the Ultimatum with my parting words on the other side.  She read my parting words first.

"Victoria, the moment you decide you are definitely willing to become my life partner... and convince me that my goals are goals which you can willingly embrace... that is when I will give up any other sexual, romantic relationships I now have.  I will give 100% to making OUR relationship work.  No one else.  Just you and I, doing the best we can to share our lives together."

I turned white.  Yes, those were my words.  That is what I had said.   BUT I DIDN'T MEAN IT!  I was only trying to make her feel better now that it was obvious she knew "Madame X" was my focus.  Panic-stricken, I replied, "Victoria, this is a move you will long regret.  You have not thought this through clearly."  Pointing to my porch chairs, I said, "Let's sit out here and talk." 

Victoria shook her head no and refused to budge.  This time she turned to the Madame X Ultimatum and read it back to me. 

'Victoria makes up her mind tomorrow.  She is welcome to consult everyone she knows.  She either leaves her home AND moves in with me OR I want her to leave my life till circumstances permit a return.'

"Rick, your note says 'move in with me'.  Well, here I am.  I don't want to talk about this on the porch.  I am cold and I am miserable.  I want to go inside."

I gasped as my eyes widened in horror.  No way!!  Victoria was the spawn of the Devil!!  This brilliant maneuver proved it.  I felt helpless before her dark powers.  Yes, I wrote those words, but I did NOT mean them!   Yes, of course I had known I was taking a gamble writing those words, but I had been positive there was no possible way she would ever agree to those terms.  By demanding she make up her mind on the spot, surely she would hem and haw like she always did.  I knew for certain Victoria would never leave her marriage, her home, her daughter, and her much-cherished security on the spur of the moment to move into a house that disgusted her.  Why would any woman choose to live with a man on the verge of losing his job? 

No woman in her right mind would buckle in to my unreasonable demand! 

But here she was.  Victoria was not only insisting I let her in, she was using my own words as her invitation.  I was incredulous at this sudden turn of events.  Victoria had used my Ultimatum as psychological jujitsu to insinuate her way through my door.  I could not believe it.  Without really thinking my words through, I had handed Victoria a 'Get In Free' card.  It had to be the Fear.  The Fear of losing Jennifer had clouded my judgment.  I had gambled with scared money and look what happened.  What Victoria wants, Victoria gets.  The odds had been overwhelmingly in my favor, but the dice came up Snake Eyes.  Or should I say Medusa Eyes?  I was snake-bitten indeed. 

I did not love this woman, but she had me trapped.  What about Jennifer?  If I let Victoria in my house under these circumstances, I could very well lose Jennifer forever.  I could not bear that.  As I stared at Victoria, my gut warned me not to let her come in.  Unfortunately, my conscience said otherwise.  Those were my words on that sheet of paper.   Those words formed a Contract.  If I turned her away, I would dishonor myself.  Even worse, if I turned Victoria away, she would use my own words to ruin my life in the upcoming poison pen letter.  I didn't have much choice, did I?

They say your life flashes before you as you are dying.  Something similar was taking place now.  All these thoughts were racing through my mind at incredible speed.  Every thought ended with the same conclusion.  There is no way out of this.  I suppose it was the look on Victoria's face that canceled out any remaining resistance.  This was a very desperate woman.  Weeping and ashen-faced, Victoria looked like she was on the verge of collapse.  Although I was scared for me, I was even more scared for her.  In the shape Victoria was in, she was a car wreck waiting to happen or a visit to the nearest bridge.  Was this an act?  Perhaps, but if it was an act, it was a very convincing one.  Considering how forlorn Victoria looked, I wasn't ready to take any chances.  I did not want to consider what Victoria would do if I sent her away.  Well aware this was not the time to play tough, I reluctantly stepped aside. 

Sobbing, Victoria staggered in.  The moment her suitcase crossed the threshold, I wanted to vomit.  In no way, shape, or form did I want this woman in my house.  I had never felt so violated in all my life.  But the worst part was knowing my own words were responsible.  How could I have ever been so stupid?