Marla and I had met in the Disco at the stroke of Midnight.  For two hours we alternated between dancing and conversation at the bar.  It was now close to 2 am.  Following a half hour of dancing, we were tired.  Returning to our seats, I believed this was the most important moment of the night.  Under no circumstance did I dare break the momentum.  Without asking Marla's approval, I ordered a third round of margaritas.  I took a deep breath and steeled myself for a word of dissent.  Watching Marla out of the corner of my eye, she never batted an eyelash.  I gulped.  They say be careful what you wish for.  Marla had just given me the green light.  Unless I was badly mistaken, Marla wanted the night to continue.  After we received our drinks, it was time for the Ultimate Test.  Marla's reply to my next question could very well change the direction of my life.  Her life too.  I took a deep breath for courage, then began my carefully rehearsed offer.

"Marla, I have really enjoyed our conversation, but it is kind of loud in here.  Do you think we could go upstairs and find a place on the deck where it is a little more quiet?"

I was unbelievably anxious.  Was Marla willing to be alone with me? 

"I agree.  It is hard to talk in here." 

Marla reached for her margarita, stood up and offered me her free hand. 

"Lead the way."

As we climbed the stairs, I could barely contain my excitement.  I did not want to let go of her hand.  I had been waiting for this moment for so long!  Now that we were alone, I was frightened at how intense my feelings were.  This was exactly what I had asked for.  No turning back.

And so we plunged together through the rabbit hole into Wonderland. 

It was a dark and stormy night!  

Pardon the cliché, but this description was correct.  Upon boarding the ship yesterday, we had been told Hurricane Chantal was nearby in the Caribbean.  However, conditions in Galveston had been so calm, I had not taken the news seriously.  Now I changed my mind.  The wind was very brisk, almost howling.  Although the breeze was strong, it was not chilly.  Headed towards the tropics, the warm water kept the temperature comfortable.

We found lounge chairs at the back of the ship where we could be alone.  It was an isolated area; not a soul bothered us.  I pulled two recliners side by side.  We were in for a treat.  As our ship sailed past the distant outskirt of the hurricane, we caught a glimpse of the storm's immense power.  The full moon, cloudy skies, and restless ocean made for quite the panoramic spectacle.  The waves were turbulent.  They made huge splashes as they crashed against the ship.  Overhead loomed huge, ominous rain clouds.  Although there was no rain, the moonlight was sufficient to reveal heavy squalls off in the distance.  The full moon was doing a good imitation of a strip tease fan dance.  Shrouded by the wind-blown clouds, the moon played peekaboo all night long.  It was exciting to have a hurricane on the horizon.  All the necessary elements were in place for our Enchanted Evening. 

The sound of her laughter will sing in your dreams.
Who can explain it?  Who can tell you why?
Fools give you reasons, wise men never try.
Some enchanted evening, the night you find your true love

We were alone in the dark with only the wind, waves and the moon for company.  I had been in love with Marla ever since the Thunderbolt, but I had always kept one part guarded.  Before I gave my heart away completely, I needed to know if I could trust her.  I decided to start with Miami.  Summoning every ounce of courage, I began.

"So, Marla, I'm curious how your Florida weekend turned out."

To my surprise, a flash of disgust crossed Marla's face.  She crossed her arms and frowned.  Unwittingly, I had chosen the perfect prompt. 

"I didn't tell you, but I have another joke about margaritas."

"Oh yeah?  What's that?"

"I'm one margarita away from telling you what I really think!" 

Pointing to her drink, I quipped, "In that case, have a sip!"

Acknowledging my suggestion with a grin, she did just that.  Marla reached for her glass, raised it in salute, then took a long sip.  Placing the glass back on a nearby table, she got serious.  A look that could kill crossed her pretty face.

"I don't even know where to begin."

"Tell me how your trip to Miami turned out."

"I have a question, Marla.  Whatever happened with the private lesson a couple weeks ago?"

"I paid for that too.  Both of them."

"Was it worth it?"

"Yeah.  His dancing definitely improved."

"So what are you so upset about?"

"I get so tired of paying for everything all the time.  Time after time, Chris says he will pay me back, but he never does."

"Why don't you call him on it?"

Marla shook her head in disgust.  "I wish I had a good answer for that.  I am not good at confrontation.  I tend to hold my anger in.  I hate to say it, but I've been letting Chris get away with this for years."

"Give me a Miami example of cheap."

"Chris refused to take a taxi anywhere.  We walked mile after mile till I thought my legs would fall off.  But that wasn't the worst problem.  You will not believe what Chris did!  The day after our Salsa night the jerk asked me asked to take 'short walk' from our hotel to South Beach for brunch.  Because it was supposed to be a short walk, I wore my flip-flops.  It ended up being a five-mile walk just to get from the hotel to the restaurant.  He could have warned me.  Short walk, my ass.  After lunch, Chris suggested that we take a walk along the water on our way back.  Chris walked and walked till he finally found what he was looking for."

"What was that?" I asked.

"The topless beach!  Next thing I knew, Chris plowed straight into the topless section.  I felt like such an idiot walking past one half-naked woman after another.  Chris is a big fan of titty bars, but here in Miami he didn't have to pay to look.  Chris spent the entire time roaming the beach like he had gone to heaven.  I have never been so angry in all my life!  I could not believe he would be so disrespectful of me.  I wish I had stayed home.  If he wanted to spend his trip looking at other women's boobs, he should have gone by himself."

"So you had a lousy time in Miami."

"Yes."

"Good.  I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I was jealous the day you called me to say you were going to Miami with Chris."

"Was that why you were so curt with me over the phone?"

"Yes."

"Well, you don't need to be jealous.  By the time we got back to Houston I was so angry at Chris I already had one foot out the door.  Maybe it was Fate.  I've had it with Chris.  I am ready for a big change."

Hmm.  Did this change include me??  I wasted no time replying.  "If I had known all it would take was three margaritas, I would have brought a pitcher to the studio."

Marla smiled in spite of herself.  This was unbelievable.  Marla had just admitted her interest in me.  Not only that, she mentioned Fate, the same thing that was on my mind.  As it turned out, Marla's Miami story was just the opening shot.  There was more, lots more.  It was Dante's Peak and then some.  Once the volcano erupted, Marla was past the point of no return.  The amount of venom that spewed out of her mouth was beyond belief.  Lies, cheating, manipulation, insults, broken promises, disrespect, money borrowed and never paid back.  The more she talked, the angrier she got.  Over the past six years, Marla had built up a giant cesspool of resentment.  Here in the darkness, it all came out, every single, gory detail. 

As I listened in amazement, I secretly apologized to my Intuition for ever doubting.  Now that I knew the truth about Chris, I had been right all along that there were serious problems between them.  I could not believe how angry she was.  The only question was how Marla had ever kept it so well hidden from me. 

Listening to Marla vent, I recalled a scene from the movie Shampoo.  Warren Beatty plays a hairdresser who is quite popular with his female customers.  After learning Beatty had seduced his wife, the husband asked Beatty his secret.  Why do women like him so much?

"I have one magic trick... I pay attention.  Christ, they're women, aren't they?  Come on, man, have you ever listened to women talk? Do you?  'Cause I listen till it's running out my ears.  I mean, I'm on my feet all day long listening to women talk and they only want to talk about one thing, the guy who fucked them over.  That is what is on their mind day and night.  That's all I ever hear about."

That scene had made a very strong impression on me.  I followed Beatty's advice and listened to Marla.  Guess what?  It worked.  For the next three hours...three hours!... Marla told the sordid story of her relationship. 

"You said you decided to get out there.  Did you meet anyone special?"

"Not at first, but yes, I did.  There was no one in particular for three months.  Then one night in September my girlfriend wanted to go dancing.  We went to Chayn's, a club on the north side.  A man named Patrick asked me to dance and we hit it off.  Patrick was very handsome and quite interesting.  Not only that, he was an attorney with a lovely home in the upscale Woodlands.  Patrick asked for my number, then called the following night.  I liked our conversation, so I agreed to go out to dinner.  Patrick and I had two more dinners after that.  Then I agreed to go to his house for dinner.  I could tell that Patrick liked me a lot.  We kissed on his sofa, but I have a rule.  I told him things were moving too fast and he respected my wishes.  He acted like a gentleman, something I appreciated. 

Patrick said he would call, so I spent the next day thinking about Patrick.  He was such a nice guy.  Not only that, Patrick had real potential, more than Chris, more than anyone I had met in a long time.  Just as I was thinking of Patrick, the phone rang.  Thinking it was Patrick from last night, I rushed to the phone.  It wasn't Patrick, it was Chris.  I was not happy.  What a let-down.  Okay, what does Chris want?  I had not heard from him in over a month, so Chris was in the dustbin at this point.  However, to be polite, I stayed on the phone.  Biggest mistake of my life.

'Hey, Marla, I was looking at your picture on my desk.  I miss you!  Let's meet at Star Pizza tonight.'"

Marla paused for a moment.  These revelations were dredging up painful memories and she was having trouble keeping it together.  Shaking her head in disgust, Marla stared out at the storm in the distance.  Finally she looked back at me.  With a big frown, she resumed.

"I had wanted to hear from Patrick, but got a pizza offer from Chris instead.  I said what the heck, so we met that night and had a nice talk.  Chris was very apologetic.  When he suggested we begin dating again, I don't know what came over me.  I said I would give him another chance, but I was still pretty mad.  When Patrick called the next week, to this day I still don't know why I turned him down.  What in the world was I thinking?  Patrick had so much more going for him.  Best of all, Patrick had a clean slate, something Chris had no right to claim." 

"Did Chris tell you about Mai Tai?"

"No."

"Did you probe?"

"Not as much as I should have.  Chris stuck to his story about working night and day."

"Why would you pick Chris over Patrick?"

When Marla said nothing, I raised an eyebrow.  This was such a strange story, my sixth sense went on 'Supernatural Alert'.  Why on earth would an intelligent woman pick a creep like Chris over a man with potential like Patrick?  I believe in something I call 'Cosmic Blindness'.  If it is true that Fate exists, perhaps there will be times when Love is Blind.  The force of Fate will manipulate us into making wildly stupid decisions if that is what our Destiny calls for.  If ever there was a decision to support this admittedly far-out idea, it was Marla picking Chris over Patrick. 

"I have a question, Marla.  I find it curious that Patrick and Chris were linked so closely together.  The moment Patrick entered your life, Chris interrupted with perfect timing.  Do you believe that sometimes a coincidence is more than a coincidence?" 

"Now that you mention it, yes.  I thought it was odd to hear from Chris when I did.  The timing was very peculiar.  First I go out with Patrick, then Chris calls out of the blue the very next day after being absent all summer.  I wondered about that.  If Chris had not called when he did, I believe my life would have gone in a different direction.  Not only that, to this day, I still ask myself why I chose Chris over Patrick.  What was I thinking?"

"I agree.  Your decision does not make a lot of sense.  I have another question.  Why choose one over the other?  Why not date both men till you were sure which one you preferred?  Are you a 'one man at a time' kind of girl?"

"As a rule, I am.  However, there have been several times in my life when I have dated more than one man at once.  For example, I was seeing another man when Chris came along in 1995.  I dated both men for a while.  I wasn't even all that attracted to Chris.  He only won because the other guy lived in Dallas.  But you raise a good point.  If ever there was a situation that called for me to date two men at once while I sorted things out, this was it.  So I was certainly within my rights to see both men.  Let Chris have a taste of his own medicine.  But I didn't do that and I will never know what came over me."

"Maybe deep down you loved Chris."

"Who knows.  I may have been fond of him in the beginning, but this one-sided time-out did not sit well with me.  I don't appreciate being treated like a door mat.  I was furious that Chris had kept me in suspense for the past three months.  What gives him the right to think I am available at his beck and call?  Nevertheless, I had two years invested in the guy, so during our talk at Star Pizza, I said I would give him another chance.  When Patrick called a couple days later, I decided to honor my word to Chris.  Too bad I couldn't see the future.  If I had known I would be stuck in a horrible relationship for the next four years, I would have taken the other path.  As it stood, the way Chris treated me over the summer should have been warning enough."

 

Marla shook her head in disgust for the umpteenth time.  "I must have been out of my mind."

"I agree.  Why would you return to a man who cheated on you?"

"That is a good question.  I am no stranger to deceit.  I have suffered a lot of pain thanks to men who cheat.  However, in this case Chris caught a break because I did not know for sure he had cheated on me.  Mai Tai never came up in the conversation, which was a smart move.  I asked him about another woman, but he swore otherwise.  Chris stuck to his story about being swamped at work and left it at that."

"I cannot believe you trusted him.  But something similar happened to me.  I once trusted a woman named Vanessa who pulled a similar stunt.  I suppose that makes me just as gullible as you.  Whoever said Love is Blind certainly knew what they were talking about.  When did you finally find out?"

"It took two years.  Things were never right after we began seeing each other again.  The worse things got, the more I asked myself what really happened that summer.  I kept thinking about that receptionist with the French accent and recalled his visit to France with the rugby team.  It was not that tough to put two and two together, but I wanted stronger confirmation.  One day in 1999 an opportunity presented itself.  There was a Labor Day swimming pool party at Monty's house.  Monty and Chris were best friends from the rugby team.  People were drinking, having fun.  By chance someone's wife came over and sat down next to me.  We were alone and we were chatting, so I had an idea.

I said, "Lillian, do you by chance remember that girl Chris was seeing a couple summers ago?  Was that girl Hispanic?" 

Without a second thought Lillian replied, "No, not Spanish.  I only met her once, but I am pretty sure she was from France."

Gotcha!  Just as I suspected.  Chris had taken his summer time-out just one month after returning from his spring trip to France.  Now that Lillian had confirmed my suspicion, I was furious."

"That was clever of you.  What happened after you found out?"

"I told Chris to take me home immediately.  This time I did confront him.  That is when I learned how it happened.  Chris told me he realized it had been a terrible mistake to engage in this affair in the first place.  He told me he was an idiot.  He said he was foolish to bring Mai Tai over from France.  She didn't care about him, she was just looking to get married, become an American citizen, find a meal ticket.  If you ask me, it was not that complicated.  Mai Tai left because her 90-day stay was up.  Now that I think about, he was trying to sell me a life insurance policy.  Fool that I was, not only did I purchase it, I got stuck with this guy again.  How did I ever get so lucky?"

"And you believed him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Marla, I don't know how else to put this, but it sounds to me like you've been brainwashed.  Has it ever occurred to you that all you heard was his version?  So far, the man you describe sounds like a manipulative liar.  Maybe there's another side to this story.  There is an even-steven chance that Chris was using the woman, not the other way around.  I would bet money that Mai Tai realized Chris was not serious and that he would never marry her.  There is an excellent chance Mai Tai had the sense to quit wasting her time and left.  The moment Chris lost his live-in mistress, he gave you a call.  There is no reason why you should believe anything he says.  If he lies to you once, he will lie to you again.  What bothers me is that you returned to Chris in the first place, especially with Patrick as an option.  So I have a question.  Help me with the time line here."

"I met Chris in 1995.  Mai Tai was summer 1997.  Star Pizza was September 1997.  I learned the truth in the summer of 1999."

"Okay, I understand better.  Now that you had his confession, why didn't you leave Chris then?"

"Beats the heck out of me.  I know it does not make a bit of sense.  If I had learned the truth during the summer of Mai Tai, yes, I would have split.  However, the Mai Tai incident was two years in the past when I finally learned the truth.   At this point I had four years invested in Chris and we had been getting along okay.  I guess I decided to give him another chance.  Chris said he was sorry.  He swore he had been faithful ever since September 1997 and promised it would never happen again.  I was skeptical, but tried to pretend it was water under the bridge.  I must have been nuts to stick around.  In fact, just a few months after I learned the truth, something else happened."

"Uh oh, now what?"

"Chris pulled a serious stunt on the New Year's Eve that ushered in the Millennium.   Do you remember how important that event was, how everyone made such a big deal out of it?"

"Of course.  It was the end of a thousand year cycle.  Due to suspected computer glitches caused by the Y2K Bug, people were worried that airplanes would fall out of the sky.  What happened?"

"We had a standing Friday night date.  Besides, it was New Year's Eve.  The sonofabitch had the nerve to call me up that afternoon and complain he had the flu.  I didn't trust him.  My first instinct was that Chris was probably at his buddy Monty's annual party.  I didn't want to be alone on New Year's Eve, so I offered to come over and stay with him, do the chicken soup routine.  Chris replied that was a bad idea.  He told me he did not want me to get sick with my Market ordeal just around the corner."

"What is Market?  Tell me again why Market was so important."

"I go to Dallas in January for several days of product training and Market where I interact with customers for a week.  Chris was right in a way.  Market is a major ordeal.  Every night I go back to the hotel exhausted.  If I had gotten sick ahead of that, I would have been in a bad way.  Leave it to Chris to think of the only thing that would allay my suspicions."

"Sorry I interrupted.  Please continue."

"Chris told me it was not safe to come near him, so I spent the night at home.  Good grief, my daughter had a date, so here I am stuck all by myself, just me and my dog Peanut watching the world celebrate on TV.  At 11 pm Chris called to wish me a happy new year.  I was very hurt.  I asked why he did not call me at midnight.  Chris said he feared I would be asleep.  Liar.  More likely he was at the party with his rugby friends and stepped out for a moment to make the call.  Not only did I feel abandoned, I was positive he had lied to me again the same way he lied to me about his French girlfriend.  I firmly believe Chris was at Monty's party that night with another woman."

"I think you are right.  That was an obvious lie.  You must have been incensed.  Did you confront Chris with your suspicions?  Surely you wanted to know the truth."

"This was the moment I snapped.  Of course I wanted to know the truth, but I was so hurt I found myself incapable of saying a word.  Something was wrong with me.  By backing down, I gave him the idea that he could get away with anything.  One would think I know how to stand up for myself, but over the past four years I had slowly lost any self-esteem I had left.  My downslide made no sense because I was never even that attracted to him.  I don't understand the hold he had over me.  One reason I did not confront him is because I turned all my anger on myself for behaving like a coward.  Faced with a crisis, I blinked.  The longer I waited to say something, the hesitation increased my self-criticism to the point where I was just as angry with myself as I was at Chris."

Marla became quiet, so I waited.  This was obviously a very sore point with her.  I really did not know what to think.  28 years ago a woman named Vanessa told me one obvious lie after another.  I was so scared I would lose her if I said something, I never once confronted her.  So I knew for a fact it was possible to become so psychologically defeated that standing one's ground grew harder with each new set-back.  All in all, I ended up hating myself so much for groveling that it took me four years to regain my self-esteem.  So Marla's dilemma was something I identified with.  But here is what I did not understand.  At the time, I thought Vanessa was a great prize.  I did not sense that Marla felt the same way about Chris.  Why would Marla treat this man like such a prize that she refused to leave him?  At this point, Marla resumed the story.

"Two years earlier I had been presented with an easy excuse to break away from Chris at the end of summer, but I failed to pull the plug when I should have.  Four months before this Millennium event, I had another excuse to break up when I learned the truth about Mai Tai from Lillian.  Here I am beating myself up for giving the guy a second chance and a third chance.  Now the same old crap takes place on New Year's Eve and I am too paralyzed with anger at myself... and him... to do something."

"What do you think would have happened if you said something?"

"I was positive I would lose control.  That was what stopped me.  I would end up so mad at this guy that I would scream and rage like a monster, say some truly mean things and make him equally angry.  It could get really ugly.  Or worse, I would break down in tears and humiliate myself.  I had let my anger build up so high that I thought I would explode.  That scared me so much that it was safer to shrink away."

"Why not just email the jerk?  That's three strikes.  First he left you hanging for an entire summer, then you discovered the reason two years later, now this Millennium story.  Stop messing around and put the stake in the vampire, but do it the easy way."

"I don't really think email is my style.  I had so much pent-up anger that I became scared of losing control if I spoke to him.  The last thing I wanted was to let him see me erupt and start screaming like I wanted to.  Market was only three days away, so I dealt with the problem by avoiding him."

"There is something known as the fight or flight syndrome.  Can I assume you choose the 'flight' option?"

"Probably so.  I didn't want to talk to him or see him, so for the next three days until Market I kept to myself."

"You give me the impression the two of you had been drifting apart in 1999.  Do you suppose Chris took advantage of your increasing absence to begin seeing someone else on the side?"

"Yes, that's probably what happened.  I am positive he was seeing someone.  All signs point to that.  When he ditched me on New Year's Eve, that should have been the end of it."

"But it wasn't the end of it.  Why not?"

"Market was just three days away.  Frankly, it was so much easier just to avoid speaking to him."

"Did he call before you left?"

"I don't think so."

"Did he call you in Dallas?"

"Maybe, but I doubt it.  If my suspicion is correct, he was probably spending time with his other woman.  After I came back from Market towards the end of January, I had cooled off a bit.  I gave him a call and asked him to clarify what happened that night.  I let Chris convince me his story was on the level, or at least I pretended to believe him.  Unfortunately that New Year's Eve incident became a major turning point in our relationship.  After that incident, I lost any remaining will to stand up to him.  We saw less and less of each other.  Hating myself for not telling the man what I really thought, I lost my self-esteem and started to gain weight.  Ever since then I have put up with one suspicious incident after another without confronting him."

"Why would you do that?  Why would you tolerate that behavior?  Were you economically dependent on the guy or something?"

"No, of course not.  I make more money that he does.  I don't know what came over me.  By the time I finished Market, I had turned into a doormat.  It was easier just to let him get away with his bullshit.  I did not have the strength to fight back."

"Why not leave him?"

"I should have, but I went into therapy instead."

"Did you ever find out the truth about the New Year party?"

"Sort of.  About a year ago I heard a rumor Chris had another woman in his life who is supposed to remind people of me.  I have not been able to confirm this rumor.  If I poked around, I am sure it would tip Chris off.  But I think the rumor is true because it fits the facts.  If Chris could pull off cheating on me with the French girl, what would stop him from trying again?  I have a sneaking suspicion Chris has been leading a double life for some time now."

"Why worry about tipping him off?  Who cares?  The best way to confirm a rumor is to start by asking Chris to explain."

"Of course you're right, but why bother?  At this point, I just don't care anymore.  Chris is what you might call a convenient boyfriend.  He doesn't give much, but he doesn't demand much either.  I'm a loner in many ways.  I am very self-sufficient and I don't require daily attention.  Chris lives so far away, it is like dating a man from another city.  98% of my life wrapped up around my daughter and my job, so Chris occupies a small corner of my mind.  I know there's no future, but I have come to accept he's there when it suits me."

"How often do you see him here in 2001?"

"Usually one night on the weekend.  Knowing this cruise was just around the corner, I've been in a holding pattern.  I figured I would keep the peace for the time being and use this cruise as a good time to decide what to do."

That was an interesting statement.  It explained why Marla always seemed to talk double, but act single during her time at the studio.  She had one foot in the relationship and one foot out.  If ever there was a woman looking to jump ship, it was Marla.  Hopefully she would let me be the one to catch her.  I made sure to cross my fingers.

"The Millennium Party was nearly two years ago.  You refer to yourself as a doormat, but you seem much stronger now."

"It has been a long climb, a very long climb.  The Millennium incident did me in.  That is when I lost all remaining will to confront him.  I was so worn down by Chris and his perpetual deceit that I went into a tailspin.  My mistake was my need for certainty.  It was not enough for me to be suspicious, I needed complete proof to justify breaking up him." 

"That is easier said than done."

"That's true, but I had an obsession to know the truth.  Despite my inner sense that Chris was fooling around, I found it impossible to catch him.  For one thing, Chris lived over an hour away.  I couldn't leave my daughter alone at night to conduct surveillance.  Plus Chris was able to hide everything by using his rugby friend Monty for alibis.  There were other problems.  Chris had a fondness for men's clubs.  God only knows what that led to.  Maybe that's why he was broke all the time.  Sick of the uncertainty, I got depressed and gained weight.  After my weight gain, Chris began to insult my appearance.  Finally I couldn't take it any more.  I had to do something, so I went to see a therapist in April 2000.  That stopped the bleeding.  One month later I began my diet.  I was determined to regain both my figure and my sanity."

Marla gave a bitter laugh.  "That's an odd way to put it, but I kind of agree with you.  I wanted to leave Chris in the worst way, but we weren't seeing much of each other at the time, so I figured I could tough it out a bit longer."

Personally, I thought that was the worst advice I had ever heard.  What was the therapist thinking?  By persuading Marla to remain in her toxic relationship, the woman had just sentenced Marla to SEVENTEEN more months of misery with a man who had already mistreated her for four years.  It boggled my mind.  Why on earth would Marla tolerate this bizarre solution?  I felt angry at the therapist and maybe a little frustrated with Marla for her decision to cooperate.  However I decided to hide my disgust as best I could.

"After Vera suggested you continue seeing Chris during your therapy, how did that work out?"

"She and I started last year, April 2000.  During the summer I continued my relationship and continued to see Vera at the same time.  Over the summer I persevered with my diet.  Lot of good it did me.  The thinner I got, the more Chris insulted me.  I was starting to look better.  One day a rugby buddy named Frank noticed the difference.  Frank saw me and whistled.  "Hey, Marla, you've lost so much weight I didn't recognize you.  You look great!" 

Chris replied, "Yeah, Marla used to have two butts, but now she's down to one."

Now I was really angry.  And protective too.  I wished so much that Marla had not been forced to endure that abuse.

"Wow.  I cannot believe he insulted you like that.  By putting you down, he made you feel worthless.  You must have been furious.  Why would you take that abuse?  Why didn't you just leave him?   You had every right to leave and good reason to do so."

"I was miserable, but I could also tell I was healing.  I didn't see Chris very often, so maybe Vera was right telling me not to make any serious moves just yet.  Looking back, maybe she was right.  It was probably better to remain in what amounted to a long distance relationship than rock the boat and risk potential trouble until I was ready.  So I began my rebellion period instead."

It crossed my mind that she probably would have healed twice as fast without Chris around, but decided to bite my tongue.

"Okay, at least you were making some progress.  How did you rebel?"

"I was really lonely, so I got involved in online dating.  I carried on email correspondence with a number of men."

"Did you go out with any of them?"

"No, but I wanted to."

"What stopped you?"

"You don't know me that well, but I am a very loyal person.  I have never cheated on Chris.  I was in a committed relationship and I did not intend to violate my promise behind his back.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  In addition to online dating, there was my decision to resume dance lessons starting in November of 2000.  That was a major act of rebellion on my part.  I wanted to learn to dance and it was a good way to get out of the house and be around friendly people."

I smiled when Marla spoke about her return to the studio last November.  I wanted to tell her about the Thunderbolt, but decided to wait for a better time.  Rather than reveal it was love at first sight, I confessed that I had a crush instead. 

"I'm glad you came back.  I remember the moment you came to the studio in November.  That is when I first developed my crush on you."

"You had a crush on me?  You never said anything."

"Long story, but yes, I have had a crush on you for a long time.  Your friend Frank was correct.  You looked so beautiful.  Obviously that diet worked wonders.  What did Vera say about your November dance class?"

"You won't believe this, but she and I disagreed.  Vera thought dance lessons were a bad idea, but I didn't agree with her."

"You're kidding!  A debate over dance lessons?  How could Vera say a thing like that?  Dancing is a healthy activity.  What was her objection?"

"Vera did not like me going to SSQQ.  Based on rumors from other patients who had bad experiences at your studio, Vera said there were a lot of predatory men at the studio and my judgment was too impaired to take risks.  She feared I would meet the wrong guy and all this work to rebuild my confidence would be ruined."

My jaw dropped.  There was something I had not told Marla.  I actually knew her therapist very well.  Back in the Eighties, Vera had been a dance student at SSQQ.  In fact, Vera met her husband at the studio.  They married about ten years ago.  Given our one-time warm personal relationship, I could not understand why Vera would turn around and speak negatively about the studio.  Although I felt offended, yet again I bit my tongue.  I would rather hear what Marla had to say.

"What a crazy thing to say!  I cannot believe Vera would bad-mouth the studio.  What was her reason?"

"Vera said I was too vulnerable.  She warned me there would be a bunch of smooth-talking guys.  I guess Vera didn't think I had the sense to protect myself.  In her opinion, I had not regained my armor yet."

"Oh, good grief.  I mean, sure, with so many people at the studio, there are bound to be a few predatory men.  However, in my opinion, the studio is a lot safer place than going dancing at a bar.  I have had several therapists tell me they love the studio.  They say it is the perfect place to send people with broken hearts while they get their confidence back.  That's basically what you were doing, so you know first-hand how being around positive people can make a difference.  I'm sorry, but I don't agree with Vera's advice.  On the other hand, they threw me out of therapist graduate school, so what do I know?"

"You were thrown out of graduate school?  What for?"

I hesitated before answering.  I was suddenly struck by the odd thought that I knew a heck of a lot more about Marla's story than she knew about mine.  As much as I preferred to keep my skeletons in the closet, the right thing to do was be as open with her as she had been with me. 

"Like Vera, I wanted to be a therapist.  Unfortunately, one of my professors took a strong dislike to me.  He said I was too aggressive to be a therapist plus I didn't have a clue how to listen to people."

"You listen to me just fine."

"Yeah, but that's because I've learned a thing or two over the past 25 years.

"What did they object to?"

"The man said sarcasm is bad trait for aspiring therapists.  I have a tendency to get sarcastic every now and then."

Marla smiled.  "Oh really?"

"To be more specific, I got thrown out of graduate school because I argued with the wrong man.  I tried to debate psychological theories with an authoritarian professor who preferred I shut up and listen.  It was a painful experience, but not a complete loss.  I learned things that helped me a lot."

"Like what?"

"I learned about politics and the importance of watching what I say in key situations.  Hopefully I am a better person for the experience."

"Do you regret being asked to leave?"

"At the time, very much so.  However, my career as a dance teacher has been so fulfilling, I have been able to develop a better perspective.  I can see now what the man was talking about.  I am a far better dance teacher than I would have been a therapist.  It is true that I express myself better than I listen.  In addition, I would rather joke around in dance class than listen to people's problems day in, day out.  So in that sense the man did me a back-handed favor.  As for Vera's advice, I cannot imagine why she would tell you to avoid the studio.  You strike me as sharp enough to know who to trust and who not to trust."

"I agree.  I did not like what Vera said because it contradicted my own sense of the studio.  The men at SSQQ have always treated me with respect.  And they are not nearly as aggressive as Vera made them out to be.  Not one time in this past year has a man from the studio asked me out."

I did a double-take.  "That surprises me.  Why not?"

"That is not my style.  I prefer not to advertise my availability."

I rolled my eyes at that one.  Thankfully the darkness helped conceal my irritation over being totally in the dark about her status for the past six months. 

"That's true, Marla, you definitely have a good public mask.  I imagine the mention of the six year boyfriend would have a chilling effect [no kidding].  So what did you tell Vera about the dance lessons?"

"I didn't want to debate it further, so the subject did not come up again.  However, that was the beginning of the end.  I did not feel comfortable with Vera after that.  The next thing I knew, she asked me about my relationship with my father.  I told Vera we didn't need to talk about my father or my mother.  My appointments with Vera slowly came to an end.  Feeling that therapy was going nowhere, my final appointment was in February 2001.  After nearly a year of therapy, I felt whole again."

"I have a question.  Why did you disappear at the end of November last year?  And why were you gone for three months?"

"I was there in December, but I came on a different night.  I left in January because I was busy with Dallas Market."

"But what about February?  You didn't come back until March."

"There was an ugly incident in February."

"Oh no, not another one.  What happened this time?"

"Oh, shit, that was the final nail in the coffin!"

I flinched as the degree of Marla's vehemence.  "What happened?"

"Chris and I were down at Greyhound Park, you know, dog racing.  In a really smug way, Chris announced he was heading back to France for a second rugby trip with his buddy Monty.  The tone of his voice irritated me, but I really lost my temper when he mentioned this had been Monty's idea.  Every time Chris did something to upset me, I always suspected the influence of Monty.  Chris would use Monty as his reason to cancel our date at the last minute.  Or Chris would use Monty as his alibi to explain where he had been when I could not get hold of him.  Just hearing Monty's name infuriated me.  I was convinced that Monty enabled Chris to cheat by covering for him.  In my mind, Monty was synonymous with Chris fooling around.  Recently Chris had been to Ireland.  So that was one trip and now Chris and Monty were heading off to France.  I figured this trip was another excuse to cheat, but with a different accent. 

When someone asked Chris what he was going to do in France, he retorted 'To see France!'  His inflection, his expression, the tone of voice, it all added up to one thing: he was going back to see Mai Tai.  I was beyond furious.  I was so angry that I actually considered hiring a surveillance investigator.  Then I changed my mind.  Seriously, I was so fed up, I didn't care anymore.  Besides, the man wasn't even worth the money.  That was the night I decided to resume my rebellion.  For the first time I accepted a date with one of my on-line buddies."

"Oh really?  Good for you [giant fib on my part].  How did that work out?"

"Not the way I wanted.  Phil was great, but our lifestyles didn't click.  Phil was a singer who traveled for gigs and I was a mom with a daughter and a demanding job.  I think Phil wanted a road companion and I was a poor candidate.  I couldn't just leave Marissa and disappear for a week at a time.  Phil was kind enough to say he liked me, but then he added we didn't have enough in common to take this further.  After getting brave enough to finally defy Chris, I was very deflated by this set-back.  However I got over it.  The important thing is that I was finally breaking free.  This date was the first time I had ever done something sneaky behind Chris' back.  My feelings for Chris were barely alive at this point."

"Did you date anyone else?"

"No.  Returning to the studio in March was my other act of rebellion.  Your dance class was more than enough to cheer me up."

"I don't get it.  So you got shot down, big deal.  Besides, it wasn't like the guy rejected you, he just wanted to avoid an unpromising future.  If you could date once, you could do it again.  That was February.  This is August.  If your feelings were barely alive, how do you explain sticking with Chris these past six months?"

"Laziness, inertia, habit.  Ah, I forgot.  My next act of rebellion was signing up for the dance cruise  [aha! I knew it!].  I figured that was enough defiance for the time being.  The way I felt about Chris, at this point it was sort of like what difference does it make.  Sad to say, but after six years, Chris fits my life like a glove.  He puts very few demands on me.  We see each other so seldom and that is fine with me.  And he's always been a good travel buddy.  But now that I've had a chance to talk to you about all my problems, I need to give this situation some serious thought." 

Something in the way she said that raised a flag.  Feeling threatened, I asked, "What do you mean by that, Marla?"

"My relationship with Chris has been on life support for some time now.  The moment Chris said he was headed to France without telling me first, I was so angry that I signed up for your cruise as an act of defiance.  Ever since April I've been waiting for this cruise trip.  If Chris wants to take a trip without me, then I can do the same.  Since then, this trip has held a symbolic place in my mind.  I came to regard this trip as a potential fork in the road, a chance to get on with my new life.  But before making any big decisions, first I wanted to see how I felt being away from Chris.  I hate to put it this way, but I have six years invested in this guy.  I want to be certain if I still have feelings towards Chris." 

I did not like what I heard.  This sounded like girl-speak for "I can see my feelings possibly returning..."  I suddenly felt very nervous.  To me, her statement implied there was no guarantee Marla was going to leave this guy.  At this point, my confidence faltered.  Doing my best to suppress my fear, I pressed on.

"I am sorry to hear about your problems, but the question I have to ask is why you continue to put up with a lame duck relationship.  Why wait for August?  You're an attractive woman, Marla.  You should have been out the door a long time ago.  I don't imagine you would have much trouble replacing a guy like Chris.  What girl in her right mind can put up with that kind of behavior for six years?  I mean, seriously, six years?  That's an eternity!  What would make you think a man who is so set in his ways would reform?"

Marla frowned.  "You have no idea how many times I have asked myself the same question.  The first two years weren't so bad, but the last four have been hell.  I don't love him, that's for sure.  I guess it's wishful thinking that there is any future there."

SUNDAY MORNING, August 19.  5 AM

THE CONVERSATION SHIFTS

It was approaching 5 am.  We had been talking up here on the deck for three straight hours.  I took a deep breath and screwed up my courage.  It was time to reopen Pandora's Box and return to the subject of Miami.  I couldn't help it, I felt so jealous thinking of Chris and Marla together.

"You just said, 'I guess it's wishful thinking that there is any future there.'  That brings up a sensitive question, one I probably have no business asking.  Here is what I don't get.  You went to Miami with Chris last weekend.  I assume you shared a hotel room.  You spent last night with Chris at his house.  Chris drove you to the pier at 4:30 pm this afternoon.  This indicates you spent every last second with him when you could have come earlier.  You claim to have one foot out the door, but based on what you say, Chris is firmly in the picture."

Marla was very uncomfortable with my blunt statement.  "What is your point?"

"Your actions do not paint the picture of a man you are considering breaking up with.  Why are you still with this guy?  How can you stay with a man who has repeatedly betrayed you?  Wouldn't you rather want to spend your life with someone you can trust?"

"You don't know me very well, Rick.  I admit my behavior doesn't always make a lot of sense, but I don't give up easy.  I am a cautious person by nature and I don't want to act rashly and come to regret my decision."

"Seriously?  What about that beach story in Miami with the bare-breasted women?  You call that getting along?  How do you tolerate such blatant disrespect?"

I took a deep breath.  "Good grief, Marla, I've had a huge crush on you from the moment I saw you last November, but all you ever did is talk about your boyfriend.  Why not encourage me a little?  I never saw any way to make it past the acquaintance level.  I can't even say we were friends."

"I'm sorry, Rick, but you were my dance teacher.  My mind stopped there.  I agree you were diligent in sitting down to speak with me on many occasions, but you never made an impression.  What stopped you from asking me out?  That's how most guys do it."

I frowned.  "I didn't ask you out because I prefer to date women who smile at me first."

Marla grimaced.  "Now that you bring it up, it is kind of weird I never noticed you.  I was completely oblivious.  Look on the bright side.  I am seeing you for the first time tonight and you make me smile.  Isn't late better than never?"

I gave Marla a rueful smile.  "I suppose so.  Marla, I want to hold you.  Please.  Will you join me on my lounge chair?" 

How would she react?  I was not feeling very confident.  I had just put all my feelings on the line.  To my undying relief, Marla stood up and came over.  After sharing our first kiss, we spent the final hour of our stormy night in each other's arms.  As the moon played hide and seek in the dark clouds, I was stunned at this rapid turn of events.  Tonight had been an Enchanted Evening.  Marla's kiss was the answer to a prayer.  This moment was exactly what I had wished for.  But what if it was just an illusion?