Throughout the show, I tried my best to solve the Darren Mystery.  No luck.  I still had no idea what caused Marla to go Jekyll and Hyde on me.  When the show ended, Marla and I bade farewell to Sherry.  She headed for the dance venue in search of adventure while Marla and I returned to my cabin to hash out our problems. 

Looking at the clock, it was Midnight.  Here we go again.  It was hard to believe at this exact same time last night I had run into Marla in the Disco.  So much had happened in the past 24 hours.  Cinderella Night, Enchanted Evening, Day of Confusion, and Darren. 

Ah, Darren.  Dagger through my heart.  Thank goodness I had finally regained my courage during the Dark Night of the Soul.  Given the seriousness of our mutual distrust, it was scary to think how badly the misunderstanding would have escalated if we had been forced to wait till daylight to iron things out. 

I had waited patiently in the theater, but now I wanted answers.  As it turned out, Marla wanted answers too.  The moment we entered the cabin, Marla whirled on me.  "You and I need to talk."

A wry smile crossed my face.  I could imagine a more confused couple.  But at least we were together.  It was time for Midnight Confession. 

Marla's Notes: 

I was thrilled that Rick accepted my invitation to join Sherry and me for the ship's show.  I couldn't really focus on the performance because Rick held my hand the entire time and this delighted me. He even held my hand in public as we walked back to the cabin!

For the life of me, I could not understand why this man ran so hot and cold.  One minute his actions led me to believe that he was falling in love with me.  Then a few hours later, he doesn't even know I exist.  Was there some explanation for Rick's poor manners?  I thought that possibly his "groupies" were fine being treated like this. However, RESPECT is my greatest trigger. I felt Rick had disrespected and ignored me throughout the day.  For the record, I don't chase men. I may be old fashioned, but I like the man to be the initiator.  It was going to be up to Rick to make his interest in me known.  There was no way I going to become invested in a relationship without that.  There is one huge thing I learned in therapy... I must be treated with respect for a relationship is to be successful.

As we approached our cabins, Rick asked me if I'd like to join him in his cabin.  Yes, we definitely needed to clear the air.  I tend to mask my true feelings when I am feeling insecure, but I was ready to let it all out.  It was time to find out what was going on with him.  Why had he behaved like he did?  I was done being treated poorly by men. If Rick and I were ever to make our new relationship work, I needed Rick to know what is important to me.  I NEVER wanted to start another relationship like I had with Chris.  Entering into a relationship with Rick without knowing his commitment level would be a death knell for me.  I needed to know with certainty how Rick felt about me and Rick needed know how I felt about him. 
 

"I agree.  Let's start with you.  Where do you stand with Chris and Darren?"

Marla frowned.  "Darren? Who is Darren?"

"The guy you were flirting with at dinner!"

"Is that his name?  Listen, before we discuss anything regarding Darren, I need you to help me understand your actions from earlier today.  You ignored and disrespected me from the start. 

The first thing that left me wondering what was going on between us was the way you looked up and down the hallway when I asked for my room key back.  When I asked you what you were doing, your response didn’t make sense.  I didn’t know anyone on this trip and I sure didn’t care if anybody knew we were together. YOU were the one making sure no one else knew!  YOU were the one that cared if anyone found out.  Who are you hiding me from?"

Hmm.  Something had gone badly wrong today and it started at 6:30 in front of my cabin.  Now at least I knew what Marla's frown was about.  Marla and I glared at each other in tense stand-off.  I suppose it took well over a minute as we reviewed the events in our minds.  During the silence, I could see Marla was just as mad at me as I was at her. 

"Marla, there are no other girlfriends.  However, you are correct; I did not want anyone to see us.  I hate gossip.  Why would that make you so mad?  I scanned the hallway for your sake."

Marla gave me an incredulous look.  “My sake?  I don’t think so!  It’s more likely you didn't want to let one of your female prospects see us together or have someone spread some juicy gossip."

"That is not true.  You can believe what you want, Marla, but that is not why I did that.  If someone saw us together in the hallway at 6 in the morning, they would conclude we had spent the night together.  Rumors would fly.  For your sake and mine, I did not see the point in starting rumors until you decided what direction to take with Chris."

Marla rolled her eyes.  “I don't believe you.  It sure felt like you were trying to keep me a secret."

I shook my head again.  "That simply isn't true.  You jumped to the wrong conclusion.  Last night I developed such strong feelings for you that the fear of seeing you return to Chris was already on my mind when we returned to the cabin.  When you insisted on returning to your cabin, you triggered my sense of insecurity."

"There was absolutely nothing to feel insecure about!  We had just spent a wonderfully romantic evening together.  I simply wanted to go to my cabin and take a shower, brush my teeth and get a couple hours of sleep before class.  It was nothing more than that."

When Marla put it that way, my fears seemed unfounded.  However, what stopped her from saying that this morning?  I am not a mind reader.  In the absence of any explanation, my fears of losing her had increased.

"I hear what you are saying, but don't forget you have a strange habit of returning to Chris no matter how badly he treats you.  You did two things which upset me.  First you surprised me by saying you preferred to return to your own room.  Second, you gave me a really dirty look when I scanned the hallway.  Since I had no idea what you were frowning about, I feared you had decided last night was a giant mistake.  That made me really paranoid that you might pick Chris over me.  Marla, I'm sure you sensed my fear.  It is tough to act calm when fear takes over.  But you jumped to the wrong conclusion."

Marla shook her head.  "I did not give you a dirty look!  My red flag was on high alert and I was suspicious of your behavior.   What bothers me is that right now you are trying to cover up for your actions from this morning."

"No, Marla, that is not true.  I was worried about my reputation as well as yours.  If you got linked to me, people would gossip endlessly about us for the rest of the trip.  I simply wanted to bypass any gossip until you made up your mind about Chris.  That's all there was to it [which happened to be the truth].  If you went back to Chris, I would do my best to accept your decision.  Only you can decide which man is best for you.  However, if you did return to Chris after the trip, people would talk about how you dumped me.  Now I would be humiliated as well as forlorn.  'Oh, poor Rick, he had his chance with Marla, but she chose her long-time boyfriend over him.'"

Marla strongly disagreed.  "That is not the way it felt to me.  You had a really weird look on your face as you canvassed the hallway.  It was obvious that you didn't want anyone to see us together.  How do you think that made me feel?"

I stared for a moment without a reply.  Why didn't Marla trust me?  I had just given her the same explanation twice.  Yet she refused to take my word for the true reason I had scanned the hallway.  I don't think Marla had the slightest idea how much certain dance students enjoyed talking about me behind my back.  Given how often the studio resembled Peyton Place, I had spent the past 23 years dealing with wagging tongues.

"You are right that I had a strange look on my face.  However, you reached the wrong conclusion.  In addition to guarding my pride from vicious rumors, I was upset because I felt like you were pulling away from me.  I could not understand why you insisted on returning to your cabin.  I was afraid.  Your sudden bout of cold feet suggested Chris was still in the running.  Until you made up your mind, the last thing I needed was gossip."

Frustrated, Marla raised her voice.  "I never had COLD FEET!  It seemed to me like you were the one getting cold feet.  You were the one who scanned the hallway making sure no one saw us together."

"I am not a mind reader.  When you frowned at me for no obvious reason to me, I had a premonition you were having second thoughts about us.  Your unexpected frown seriously ratcheted up my fear.  I was filled with dread.  Given that you were hiding your thoughts, I felt I had every right to be worried."

"What about my fears?  My frown was in direct correlation to your suspicious behavior.  Why are you bringing up that I might return to Chris?  Are you attempting to avoid my question?

Frustrated, I took a deep breath to calm down.  What did I ever do to make Marla so suspicious?  She did not believe a word I said.

"Here is what you don't understand.  Chris was not the only thing I was worried about.  Things were up in the air early this morning.  Even if you tossed Chris overboard, I had no guarantee you would let me take his place.  You might very well have some other guy on the ship you were curious about.  And there could be other men back at home you've had your eye on.  How am I supposed to know what was going on in your mind?  Returning to your room indicated you were backing off in order to weigh your options.  Until you reassured me I was your guy, I preferred to keep our six hours together a secret." 

“How many times do I have to explain why I went to my cabin? There is no one else lying in wait, onshore or on the ship. Besides, I am not a mind reader either.  You should have said something.”

"I wanted to say something, but I have learned the hard way that desperation isn't sexy.  Better to keep my fears to myself."

Marla was indignant.  "You claim that searching up and down the hall had nothing to do with hidden girlfriends.  I say my frown had nothing to do with choosing other men over you.  All I know is I was really hurt when it seemed like you didn't want people to see me at your side."

"It sounds to me like we both started the day jumping to the wrong conclusion.  That frown on my face had nothing to do with tipping off other women.  Have you forgotten I slow danced with you up on stage in front of 100 people tonight?  I was proud to have you in my arms.  Our very public slow dance proves my point."

“I agree.  However, something that happened at the Captain’s Reception really disturbed me.  Before we get to that, first I want to discuss how you treated me in dance class.  You never greeted me or smiled at me.”

"This is starting to sound like a comedy of errors.  I am sorry my indifference upset you, but I avoided you in dance class for the same reason I looked up and down the hallway this morning.  You did not help matters by showing up late."

"I was not late.  I came in on time."

"If you say so.  I did not see you until after I started the class.   All I know is that you did not make your presence obvious, so I started class without you.  Given that I was already worried over your morning misgivings, I was unsure how to behave when I finally spotted you.  What did you expect me to do when I saw you, stop the class and announce that we were a major item without talking to you first?  Marla, you don't know me very well.  As leader of the dance studio, I occupy a very unusual life space.  For the past twenty years, I have been the object of one rumor after another, some true, some false, mostly none of anyone's business.  I have a right to pursue a romance one step at a time without having my love life become tabloid fodder.  Due to experience, I have learned to keep my love life private till I know where I stand with the woman.  You have no idea the amount of gossip and distraction that would be generated if I had acknowledged you in a special way during this morning's dance class.  For argument's sake, let's assume I hugged you when you arrived in dance class.  Since no one had ever connected us before, whispers would fly.  From that point on, no one would pay a bit of attention to what I was teaching.  They would be far more interested in watching the new lovebirds.  Whispers would fly.  Given that I was in the dark where you stood on Chris, the conservative move was playing it safe."

"I can think of other explanations for the same behavior.  I was already on guard after the morning hallway incident and now you hurt my feelings again by failing to acknowledge me.  You could have come over and said hello, but you didn't.  From my perspective, I did not appreciate being deliberately ignored.  Your indifference strongly reinforced my suspicion.  By ignoring me, you validated my belief you were hiding something.  And right now I feel like you are trying to talk your way out of it." 

"I apologize for upsetting you, but I stand by what I just said.  I was not going to make a scene in front of the students.  Until I knew for certain where you stood with Chris, I felt the need to publicly downplay our new relationship.  The memory of your dirty look at daybreak was still on my mind and now you were late, or at least you were late as far as I could tell.  Operating in the dark, I wanted to avoid any chance of public awkwardness.  In addition, the last thing I wanted was see my morning dance class turn into a soap opera.  Better to wait till the end of class and talk about things in private."

"The way I saw it, you ignored me for the entire class and you gave your warmth and attention elsewhere."

Exasperated, I replied, "Marla, I ignored you in dance class for the same reason I scanned the hallway earlier.  How many times will you make me say this?  I prefer to keep the early stages of my love life a secret until I make sure the girl cares about me as much as I care about her.  In your case, you had a major decision to make.  Not only that, I knew your feelings were volatile.  Why risk a public display of affection when I believed there was a good chance you would ditch me before the cruise was over?  That said, I was more than willing to take you to lunch with me.  People would see us leave together and that would have solved your worries.  But no, you made things worse by disappearing the instant class ended.  Moreover, you waited till my back was turned.  I'm sorry, but seeing you slip away without an explanation really upset me.  I had no idea what was going through your mind.  When you disappeared before lunch, I was not sure how much I could trust you.  To me, it felt like you were avoiding me because you wanted to return to Chris."

"Chris had nothing to do with it.  I left immediately because I was humiliated.   After you gave me such a cold reception in dance class, why would I have been so presumptuous as to think that I would receive a lunch invitation from you?   It seemed to me that you clearly had your eyes on someone else! "

THE DIRTY SECRET

I was very frustrated.  Marla was relentless.  No matter what I said, she was not budging from her viewpoint.  The Marla I spoke to at 1 am did not resemble the woman I had in my arms the previous night.   This was a distrustful, cautious lady who was obviously very hurt.  No matter what I said, she perceived that I was misleading her.  Why was she so suspicious?  Maybe I could discover what was bothering her. 

“Marla, why did you leave class this morning without speaking to me?"

"I saw no reason to stay.  I was convinced you were hiding your interest in me from another woman in the dance class."

I frowned.  What is she talking about?  Or, more to the point, who is she talking about?  Frustrated, I replied, "Oh, please, Marla, stop it, just stop it.  There are no other women.  I told you that last night.  I told that again three minutes ago.  What is all this suspicion about? Why don't you trust me?"

Marla shrugged.  "Words mean nothing, actions matter.  You insist I was late, but I know I was on time.  You never once looked my way.  The one and only time you danced with me, it was all business.  I was just one of the many students—perhaps I was even less than that. You offered no genuine smile and absolutely generated zero warmth.  In addition, I was convinced you were hiding your interest in me from another woman in the class."

"What are you talking about?"

"I noticed you display an exceptional amount of warmth towards Ashley when you greeted her in class.  I watched how the two of you smiled when you danced with her.  Due to your distant behavior towards me and your obvious affection for your old flame, I left the moment class ended."

I was astonished.  Hearing Ashley referred to as my 'old flame' hit like a ton of bricks.  How on earth did Marla know about Ashley?  Based on my agreement with Ashley, there were supposed to be ONLY TWO PEOPLE in the world who knew about our brief affair in April.

At the time, Ashley had been dating Lawrence for a couple months.  She was frustrated because Lawrence mysteriously avoided letting things become sexual.  Her intuition suggested Lawrence was seeing another woman as well and had not made up his mind yet.  Frustrated, Ashley decided two could play this game.  Ashley boldly proposed a temporary relationship with the understanding that she would disengage the moment Lawrence finally made his move. 

Our liaison consisted of three Sunday nights in a row.  On the fourth Sunday, Ashley had pulled me aside to announce that she and Lawrence were now an item.  Consequently she wanted to break things off with me.  Relieved to discover I was okay with her decision, Ashley swore us to secrecy.  Over the ensuing four months, I kept my word and I assumed Ashley had kept hers. As well she should.  Ashley would probably lose her boyfriend if the secret came out.

I stared at Marla.  As far as I was concerned, I could care less that Marla suspected something about Ashley.  I did not feel a twinge of guilt in Ashley's regard.  The affair was her idea, I played by her rules, and we parted as friends.  What was there to be ashamed about?  That said, I had made a firm promise to keep it a secret and I intended to keep the secret.  As far as I was concerned, this was none of Marla's business.  What happened in April had nothing to do with my unexpected relationship here in August with Marla.

How should I respond to Marla?  There was no way Marla could know about Ashley.  She had promised we were the only ones who knew about our time together.  Not only that, she swore me to secrecy with the understanding that nothing would ever loosen her lips.  Or so I thought.  Since Marla seemed so sure of herself, I had a bad feeling the secret was out. 

"Marla, what does Ashley have to do with anything?  She is sharing a cabin with her boyfriend Lawrence.  You have my word that I am not seeing Ashley nor am I seeing any other woman."

"Oh, Rick, you are evading the question.  I know you had an affair with Ashley."

Did Marla know the whole story?  Or was she using her intuition?  "What makes you say that?"

"Because Jane told me."

Jane?  With a sinking feeling, I remembered a woman named Jane who had been in the same Swing class as Marla and Ashley.  Before I could respond, Marla continued.

"Not only that, I saw how you greeted and smiled at Ashley in class this morning.  You wouldn't say a word to me, but you had no trouble lavishing attention on Ashley.  From where I stand, it looked like you were keeping me a secret from Ashley."

I was starting to see why Marla was so upset.  Ashley was tall, blonde and beautiful.  Seeing me act friendly towards Ashley while treating Marla with indifference, I could see how Marla might think that I was playing games.  Suddenly the confusion that dominated the morning was starting to make more sense.  In front of my cabin at 6 am, Marla assumed I was trying to hide Ashley from Marla.  Or maybe she thought I was trying to hide Marla from Ashley or other women.  If so, Marla was wrong about that.  But how was I going to change her mind?  I was angry, but not at Marla.  I was furious with Ashley for breaking her vow of secrecy to me.  But then I hesitated.  Was this a trick?  How much did Marla know about Ashley?  There is 'Knowing' and then there is 'Guessing'.  Just how much had Ashley told Jane?  And how much had Jane told Marla?  Was Marla just fishing?  I had encountered the power of a woman's intuition before.  Perhaps Marla had observed Ashley smiling at me in dance class last spring in an unguarded moment while Lawrence was out of the room.  I also recalled how Marla had tricked some woman into revealing the truth about Chris' affair with Mai Tai.

On the off-chance that Marla was bluffing about what she knew, I made a snap decision to avoid confirming Marla's accusation.  I knew I was taking a chance, but I decided to avoid candor until I knew more.

"Marla, I don't know what you are talking about.  Of course I smiled at Ashley earlier today.  She's a friend of mine from the same Swing class you joined back in March.  But she's here with her boyfriend Lawrence.  Do you honestly think I was sending signals in dance class right in front of the guy?  What is your problem?"

"Rick, you are the one with the problem.  I feel like you are lying to me.  If there is one thing I despise, it is men who lie.  And that includes lying through omission.  My problem is that I know you had an affair with Ashley and you are unwilling to just say so.  I heard all about your liaisons with Ashley at your house last Spring from Jane."

Uh oh.  It was a mistake to pretend nothing had happened.  Marla had put me on the spot.  Do I tell the truth or do I continue to fib?  Of course I dated Ashley, but not for long.  Here was my problem.  When Ashley decided to end it, she had pulled me aside and begged me to never tell what we had shared.  She was afraid knowledge about our fling would filter back to Lawrence and sabotage things.  Since Marla knew about us, obviously Ashley had failed to keep her mouth shut. Compounding her error, Ashley had also failed to inform me the secret was out.  What a colossal screw-up!!  All it would have taken was a simple email, but too late now. Ashley's indiscretion had set me up to be blindsided by Marla, a woman whose trust meant everything to me.  Thanks to Ashley and her big mouth and thanks to Jane and her big mouth, I had just been caught in a lie.  Now Marla thought I was a lying sonofabitch. 

I tried to recover, but my response was lame.  "I don't know what you're talking about, Marla. Ashley and I are not dating."

Marla gave me the Gotcha look. "That is not what I asked. I asked if you have ever had a relationship with Ashley and you did not answer my question directly. You have made a deliberate evasion, so I will take that as a yes."

Busted.  I had just been trapped into telling a lie! The irony was unbelievable.  Ashley was afraid she would lose Lawrence if the truth came out, but now I was the victim. Talk about backfire!! This was nuts. I was not ashamed of what I did with Ashley, but I never expected to fall on my sword to protect a secret the fool could not protect herself. I had Ashley to blame for my Dark Night of the Soul, a gut-wrenching ordeal caused by Ashley's big mouth!

Meanwhile, I wasn't going to get any sympathy from Marla. Seeing her glower at me, this was quite a predicament. I was dealing with a woman who had just spent last night explaining how her cheating boyfriend had lied to her for six years. Given the depth of Marla's trust issues, I had just made the terrible mistake of getting caught in a lie of my own. How was I ever going to dig myself out of this hole? Furthermore, I still had no idea how knowledge of my spring fling had filtered back to Marla. Sick with regret, I confessed.

"All right, Marla, you deserve an apology. You are correct, I did lie to you. I saw Ashley three consecutive Sunday nights in April. It came to an end when things got serious with Lawrence the following week.  I have not spoken with her since.  But how do you know this?  This was supposed to be kept a secret."

"I was friends with several women in your Swing class.  Jane, Ashley, Sherry and a couple others. During Break Time in late April, Jane and I were sitting together.  Jane noticed you were dancing with Ashley, so she pointed to you.  First Jane asked if I had any interest in you. I thought that was an odd question, but replied no. Jane laughed. With a wink, Jane said you and Ashley had a serious thing going on. Then she shared the details.  'Marla, did you know that every Sunday night Ashley goes to Rick's house after class for private lessons?'  Based on Jane's smirk, I knew exactly what those private lessons consisted of.  I also thought Jane's gossip was inappropriate.  Your love life was none of my business.  Since I wasn't interested in you, I didn't pay much attention at the time.  However, the moment I saw the way you greeted Ashley in dance class this morning, I confirmed the rumor to be true. It was obvious the two of you have a history together."

"Okay, Marla, I owe you an apology.  Yes, Ashley and I briefly dated in April.  She was the one who broke it off."

Marla was very hurt. "Why would you lie to me?"

"Because when I give someone my word, I keep it.  I gave Ashley my word I would never betray her confidence.  That is why I lied to you. I did it because I was trying to honor my promise to Ashley.  I had no idea that Jane had previously told you Ashley's secret. If I had known that, I would have told you the truth from the start."

At Ashley's request, the secret of our brief affair was supposed to remain clandestine.  Why did Ashley break her promise? Or, more to the point, WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME SHE HAD BROKEN HER PROMISE?  I was furious at being blind-sided.  Ashley had no business talking to Jane in the first place and Jane had no business talking to Marla either.  Loose lips sink cruise trips.  They sink relationships too.  These two women had set me up to be caught in a giant lie.  If I lost Marla over this, I would be heartbroken.  There was something else that troubled me.   I had no idea how many people Jane had spoken to, but I suspected the number was limited.  How weird was it that of all the people Jane had decided to confide in, it was Marla?  Of all the people for Jane to confide in, Marla was the worst possible person. 

I could not know for sure, but it seemed to me that Jane had conveyed a jaundiced view of me.  Perhaps I was portrayed as a womanizer preying on lonely, unhappy female students.  If so, Marla's view of me may have been influenced.  People see what they expect to see.  After becoming suspicious at 6:30 am, for the rest of the day Marla seemed to have interpreted every aspect of my behavior through a tainted lens.  Once I [incorrectly] confirmed Marla's suspicions by greeting Ashley warmly in dance class, Marla had good reason to be upset.  Now I had made things exponentially worse by lying to Marla.  Given that Marla was convinced Chris lied any time he moved his lips, she had every right to be livid about catching me in a lie.  Why trade Chris for me only to find out I was no better at telling the truth than he was? 

"Look, Marla, I'm sorry this happened.  Lies are cancer to relationships, so I made a serious mistake by not being straight with you about Ashley from the start.  I apologize for breaking your trust.  In addition, you have my word this will not happen again."

Marla was very hurt.  "I am not sure if I can believe you.  I poured my soul out to you last night.  I explained how Chris has hurt me so deeply with all of his lies.  Yet, just one night after telling you all that, I catch you lying to me as well."

Marla paused for a moment to collect her words.  "Rick, I want to trust you, but you don't make it easy.  Based on what you have told me, you did nothing wrong.  So why lie about it?  All you had to do was tell the truth, but no, you tried to deny it. There must be something more than what you are telling me."

"Marla, here are the facts. My conscience is clear where Ashley is concerned. I did nothing wrong in regards to her.  This was her idea, not mine.  Number Two, I could care less if you know the truth.  Number Three, I only lied to you out of obligation to keep my promise to hide Ashley's secret."

"I thought we had something special developing.  Knowing how much telling the truth means to me, that should have been more important than any promise you made to Ashley. I feel that you placed Ashley's needs before mine."

"That is not fair.  What happened between Ashley and me came long before you.  However, I am glad the Ashley situation is out in the open.  At least now I know what caused today's rift.  Now that I understand why you are suspicious of me, you have my word this will not happen again."

"I am really happy to hear this!  However, are you hiding more than just this one lie?"

"Although I have been caught in a lie, lying is not my nature.  As you get to know me, you will see this is true.  As for the Ashley lie, I felt honor-bound to protect her secret, but it will not happen again."

Marla's Notes:

Truthfulness is paramount for a successful relationship with me.  Some women are blessed with finding a partner whom they can share a lifetime of happiness when they are young.  I wasn't one of those women.  I had three significant relationships prior to meeting Rick. My first love was a boyfriend at age 18-21.  My first husband was at age 24-34.  Then there was Chris at age 40-46.  What did all these men have in common?  Lying and cheating!  And they all did it through acts of omission.  By the time I connected with Rick I had my fill of men who lie.

When I initially expressed my concerns over Rick's behavior throughout the day, it felt like he was giving me a bunch of excuses.  Rick tried to convince me that his searching the hallway early in the morning was to save us from unwanted gossip.  I did not believe that for one minute. Then Rick attempted to blame me for arriving late to dance class.  I know for a fact I was not late.  Maybe he didn't see me right away, but why couldn't Rick at least smile and say hello when it was my turn to dance with him?

What was I supposed to think?  What would anyone think?  The biggest tell was when Rick went on an extensive explanation for his attention to Ashley.  When someone is telling the truth, there isn't a long, winding story detailing every minute fact.  I couldn't care less what happened between Rick and Ashley in April.  It was over and done with.  Or was it?  I became confused when Rick displayed his affection for Ashley during dance class.  I knew that they had some kind of relationship during the Spring.  What was important to me was for Rick to tell me the truth. Did he?  No!  He proceeded to lie and deny.  All I wanted was for Rick to acknowledge the affair and reassure me that his April fling was over.  Honestly, his earlier affair with Ashley was not a concern for me. W hat was important was his affection towards her in dance class followed by his indifference towards me during class and throughout the day.

That is why the act of Rick holding my hand publicly as we walked to the show was so important.  That helped ease my concerns immensely.  However, I was having a hard time understanding why Rick was hiding his past relationship with Ashley.  His whole story about "promises" to Ashley about keeping the affair a secret hit me the wrong way.  I felt that if Rick wanted to start an exceptional relationship with me, any secret from his past needed to be disclosed.  I never wanted to be kept in the dark again.
 

Day Three: Monday, 2 am in Rick's cabin

REGAINING MARLA'S TRUST

When Marla excused herself to use the restroom, I had a chance to think.  Marla had every right to be upset with me.  Right now we were at an impasse.  Was there any chance of a breakthrough?  But that was not the only thing troubling me.  My mind was on serious Supernatural Alert.  The coincidences were starting to add up.  It was an unbelievable coincidence last night to find Marla in the Disco at midnight.  It was an equally unbelievable coincidence to have Marla cross my path in the hallway earlier tonight.  Marla's knowledge of Ashley's secret counted as a third coincidence.  For these three reasons, I was certain my Midnight Confession was Fate in action. 

In particular, I blessed my lucky stars for our highly-coincidental hallway meeting at 10 pm.  Trust is a fragile thing.  A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is still tying its shoelaces.  If I had not found Marla, this Ashley misunderstanding would have festered until tomorrow.  Like an out-of-control virus, Marla's fears would have had an entire night to multiply.  In a sense, meeting her right outside my door was just as meaningful as meeting her in the Disco the previous night.  Certain that I was facing was a spiritual test, I believed we had a bright future if I could somehow regain her trust.  The conversation resumed shortly. 

"Marla, let's hit the reset button.  Today's problems have been a giant misunderstanding.  Sure, I was happy to see Ashley.  We parted as friends.  I don't need to apologize for that.  However, I have no energy on her.  You have my word on that.  All I did was greet Ashley like the friend she is.  However, given your suspicion thanks to Jane, I see why you jumped to the wrong conclusion."

""Thank you for understanding where I am coming from.  However, I know how women think. I saw how Ashley looked at you. There was more going on in Ashley's mind than just a smile.  Watching the two of you play your secrecy games, I felt hugely disrespected. Given the way you looked nervously up and down the hall this morning, you could very well have done that out of fear news of us would get back to her.""

"Marla, you are overreacting.  I have not spoken to Ashley beyond hello in four months."  

"It seemed like you were afraid Ashley might sense something between us this morning.  Seeing the way you smiled at her was the moment I was certain you were hiding me from Ashley or some other woman on this trip. I want to trust you, but I have a lifetime of experience with men who use omission as a way of keeping their secrets hidden. I am so afraid of being hurt again."

"Please forgive me.  Based on what you have told me, you have every right to be upset.  Clearly I have accidentally hit a very sensitive nerve.  I will be more careful from here on out."

When Marla said nothing, I asked a question.  "Why did you leave dance class without speaking to me?"

"It seemed like you were afraid Ashley might sense something between us this morning. Seeing the way you smiled at her was the moment I was certain you were hiding me from Ashley or some other woman on this trip. I want to trust you, but I have a lifetime of experience with men who use omission as a way of keeping their secrets hidden. I am so afraid of being hurt again." 

I had to hand it to Marla.  She had me pinned to the wall with her accusations.  I took a deep breath, then resumed my defense. 

"I wish you had spoken to me after dance class.  My guess is you have been making negative conclusions about me all day long based on something you know very little about.  Since I had no idea why you changed your mind about me, the fear of losing you has caused me an untold amount of heartache."

Marla looked surprised.  "What do you mean by that?"

"I've been worried sick about you all day.  In dance class, I knew you were upset about something, but I figured we could talk about it at lunch.  By leaving dance class without speaking, you allowed my fear of losing you to mushroom.  If you had just stuck around, I would have been happy to explain about Ashley.  I don't have anything to hide."

Marla was not having it.  "What would ever make me think that you would invite me to lunch after having been ignored throughout the entire dance class?  You clearly demonstrated that your affections were elsewhere.  If that's not how you feel towards Ashley, why did you lie to me?  Honesty in a relationship is a must!"

"Yes, Marla, I feel the same way, but in this case my promise to Ashley preceded you.  When Ashley broke up with me, she begged me to keep it confidential.  And so I did.  How was I supposed to know Ashley broke her promise without telling me?  I am caught in a trap because I loyal to a friend who was not loyal to me."

"Your mistake was lying to me.  Your promise to Ashley was more important than being truthful with me.  This is not a good sign for a developing relationship."

"That is not fair.  My promise to Ashley came long before you.  I lied to you because I was keeping my promise to Ashley."

Marla frowned deeply.  She was deeply upset.  "What it boils down to is Ashley is more important than me!"

"You are wrong about that, Marla.  I only lied because I didn't see any reason why you needed to know."

Marla looked skeptical.  "Why was keeping this secret so damn important?  What else are you hiding from me?"

"I am not hiding anything.  I know I am in an awkward position right now, but I beg you to give me a chance to prove I am honest.  Maybe it would help if I knew where Jane was coming from."

"What do you need to know?"

"How well do you know Jane?"

"I barely know her.  We were in dance class together."

"That's what I thought.  Once you said you weren't interested in me, Jane assumed whatever she said would stay with you."

"That's a fair assumption.  Jane never imagined what she said would get back to you."

"You may the only person Jane ever spoke to about Ashley.  If she had told several people, I imagine it would have gotten back to me.  My guess is your conversation took place at Break on some Monday in April after a Sunday night rendezvous.  The timing indicates Jane knew about our arrangement BEFORE Ashley broke up with me.  When Ashley swore me to secrecy, she did not bother to warn me that Jane already knew something.  That kind of negligence really irritates me.  It makes me think Ashley was not playing with a full deck. But it is kind of weird that of all the people Jane might have confided in, she chose you.  Why do you suppose Jane picked you?"

"You and Ashley were dancing right in front of us.  Jane was probably amused.  I just happened to be sitting there and Jane has a big mouth, that's why.  I think Jane is a gossip and your proximity gave her something to talk about.  I imagine Jane was pretty sure her story about Ashley would stay with me."

"Why is that?"

"I was surprised by what she said, but I didn't care.  It was none of my business, so I shut down the conversation quickly."

Hmm.  Such an innocent little coincidence, yet as deadly as an assassin's poison. 

"I cannot imagine what possessed Jane to reveal her friend's dark secret.  I have to believe Ashley made Jane promise to protect her secret as well.  Jane sees me dancing with Ashley.  How exciting.  Jane is overwhelmed with the urge to blab about her girlfriend's secret affair.  So naturally Jane wants to betray Ashley's confidence.  Of all the people at the studio, Jane picks you.  And why is that?  You just happen to be sitting there.  Small world, isn't it?  I wonder if Ashley ever knew Jane had spoken to you."

Marla replied, "I don't know.  Jane made it seem like you were having an ongoing affair with Ashley, but you say it was limited to three Sunday nights.  What's the truth?"

"Three Sunday nights is correct.  Then Ashley broke it off, end of story.  I liked Ashley, but it wasn't a romance.  Ashley spelled out the ground rules in advance, so I had the sense not to get attached. Since Ashley made it clear from the start she was just waiting for Lawrence to make up his mind, I had no reason to be bitter when she called it off.  Anyways, I have never spoken to Jane in my life, what gives her the right to talk about my love life?  I treated Ashley with respect and I kept my word to protect her secret. Besides, this was Ashley's idea to begin with."

"I want to believe you! I know that certain women enjoy gossip and Jane is definitely a gossip."

Marla appeared to be softening.  Thank goodness.

"You asked why I looked up and down the hallway this morning and I said I wanted to keep things secret till I knew where you stood.  For just a moment, put your suspicion aside and hear me out.  I have spent my entire dance career under a spotlight.  Jane's big mouth is a perfect example of a person who says things she knows nothing about.  Jane had no business talking to you about something like that.  Plus she knew darn well she was violating Ashley's trust.  I don't know why some people like to stir up trouble, but that's the way they are.  Women like Jane have taught me to protect my privacy as best I can.  Now you know why I was being careful when I scanned the hallway this morning."

"Rick, it does not look good for you to be caught in a lie right at the start if this is ever going to be a serious relationship. Promise me there will be no more surprises."

"No more surprises.  Ordinarily I am scrupulously honest with people who are close to me.  I also make it a point to keep my promises. That includes you, but it also includes Ashley.  Since I was operating under the assumption that Ashley had kept her mouth shut, I saw no reason to break my promise to her.  But the larger point is that I believe you and I are being Tested.  I don't know what your religious views are, but right now I believe God is testing us.  What do you think?"

"Why don't you explain what you are talking about?"

"To me, it is a freak coincidence that you of all people know about Ashley. It is also very strange how my brief love affair with Ashley has been amplified far beyond its importance.  This entire misunderstanding between us was caused by a rumor that turned into a destructive force.  Furthermore, that's not all of it.  In addition to a coincidental meeting in the Disco and a coincidental meeting in the hallway, the fact that you know all about Ashley's secret qualifies as a third coincidence.  I don't mean to alarm you, but I have a strong superstitious streak.  For this reason I tend to see things in a different way than most people.  I interpret our whirlwind romance as classic Fairy Tale stuff. Prince meets Cinderella at the Ball.  The Curse of the Ashley Rumor creates a negative chain reaction, Boy loses Girl. Boy finds Girl in the hallway and discovers an evil Rumor is at the root of our problems.  So let's give our Fairy Tale a happy ending.  How about we kiss and make up?"

"Sounds good to me, but I am still not convinced you have told me everything."

Marla was a formidable woman indeed, but not necessarily hostile.  Maybe a better word would be 'cautious'. I also detected a silver lining. Marla had to care about me a lot to invest this much energy in verification.

"Marla, I was blind-sided.  Had I known what went on behind my back, of course I would have readily told the truth.  Besides, I think it is a Cosmic coincidence that out of all the people at the studio, Jane singled you out for the juicy gossip."

"I don't think it's a coincidence. I think Jane may have told any woman at the studio who would listen.  I was just the one who was sitting next to her when you and Ashley were dancing together."

"I doubt that Jane told many people.  It would have gotten back to me.  But you have a point.  What was Ashley thinking by telling anyone what she was up to?  Did she want Lawrence to find out?  Maybe this was a nasty ploy to get him jealous.  The fact is, I don't know Ashley that well.  So let's forget about her.  Look, Marla, I occupy an unusual life space.  I have 24 years of experience at being gossip fodder.  Everyone wants to know what I am up to.  What matters is that Ashley and Jane have driven an unnecessary wedge between us.  Now that we know what the problem is, let's heal the wound and start over."

"I'd like to do that, Rick, but before we start over, there are few more things which happened today that I would like to discuss."

Marla's Notes:

I was leery of Rick's stream of excuses for his behavior, but I also felt an incredible desire to get to the truth.  I had such a strong connection with Rick that I did not want to walk away.  My typical behavior would be bury my pain and either walk away or stuff the hurt so deep inside that I would become numb.  But this time I decided to do something out of character for me and confront him.  

I could not understand why Rick was denying his prior relationship with Ashley.  It just didn't make sense.  If the affair was over and done, why did he continue to hide it?  Rick insisted it was only three Sundays in April.  Seriously, who makes up such a long winded story for such an insignificant situation?  The degree Rick went on and on blathering about Ashley was disconcerting.  It made me think that he still had strong feelings towards her, definitely more than he was letting on.  Rick was giving me the third degree about how much I knew and where I heard it from.  I wanted Rick to just STOP with the inquisition!  I know that whenever someone is caught in a lie, they attempt to redirect the conversation away from them.  I felt that Rick was prioritizing Ashley over me.  Rick was unable to see my point of view and I was not having his.