DESTINYSIXEXTRA
Home Carl Hruska SSQQ SSQQ Newsletter destinysix0001previousintro Louise Mark Bateman Magic Carpet Ride keller Dan Alig Steve Harriett Charles Carl and Margaux Chris Richardson Carmen Kim Salls Christie Ballantyne The Gangster Dance Class Mari Jim Hudson Sharon Shaw One

 


RICK ARCHER'S LIST OF SUSPECTED SUPERNATURAL EVENTS
 
 

THE SSQQ LOVE BOAT ERA
   120

Suspicious

Coincidence

   2024
  Gigi
   119

Suspicious

Coincidence

   2023
  Jim and Cindy keep the dog "Cowboy" due to a strange coincidence.
   118

Suspicious

Coincidence

   2012
  Mayhem, the crops die.  Between two lips
   117

Suspicious

Coincidence

   2012
  Angel's mysterious headache
   116

Suspicious

Coincidence

   2012
  When Marla misplaces Rick's passport in the D.C. airport, he is reunited with his beloved Aunt Lynn.  She and her sons come to Rick's rescue and get him on the next plane to Copenhagen, Denmark
   115

Suspicious

Cosmic Blindness

   2009
  Mrs. Ballantyne offers the clue necessary to solve the Mystery of my Senior Year Blind Spot.  Suddenly aware that Mr. Salls had been Rick's Unknown Benefactor, he begins to write a book titled 'Simple Act of Kindness'.
 

BOOK TWELVE:  THE GYPSY PROPHECY
   114

Suspicious

 Coincidence

   2004
  Captain Teige
  (049)

Serious

 Predestination
Precognition

   2004
  Rick recalls his Cruise Director Prophecy from 1975 in Gaye Brown-Burke's office
   113

Serious

 Predestination
Precognition
 Cosmic Blindness

   2002
  Marla reveals the Gypsy Prophecy which indicates our relationship was predicted six months in advance
   111

Suspicious

Coincidence

   2002
  Marla reveals her teenage years Ouija Board experience where the initials 'RJA' kept appearing.
   112

Suspicious

Coincidence
Telepathy

   2002
  During a walk in the woods Rick and Marla begin singing 'People are Strange' at the exact same time
   111

Suspicious

Coincidence

   2001
  Ashley's Secret turns out to be the hidden reason behind Marla's flirtation with Darren
   110

Serious

 Coincidence

   2001
  Rick walks out the door at the exact moment Marla is passing by. 
This important Coincidence solves the Mystery of the Darren Flirtation
   109

Suspicious

Love is Blind
 Cosmic Blindness

   2001
  Marla's dinnertime flirtation with Darren fools Rick and creates his intense Dark Night of the Soul
   107

Serious

 Coincidence
Wish come true		   2001
  Rick and Marla's Cinderella-style meeting in the cruise ship nightclub leads to a lightning romance
   106

Suspicious

Love is Blind
 Cosmic Blindness

   2001
  Invisibility.  Marla does not know Rick exists for six months despite his many attempts to get her attention
   105

Suspicious

Soul Mate Concept

   2000
  Rick's Love at First Sight Thunderbolt experience suggests a pre-existing soul mate connection
 
 


RICK ARCHER'S LIST OF SUSPECTED SUPERNATURAL EVENTS
 
 

BOOK TWELVE:  THE GYPSY PROPHECY
   107

Ultra-Serious

 Predestination
Precognition		  2001
  The Gypsy Prophecy
 

BOOK ELEVEN:  SSQQ (aka the SUPERNATURAL DRY SPELL)
   104

Serious

 Coincidence
Telepathy
 Cosmic Blindness		  1994
  My 3 year old daughter Sam falls to the bottom of a swimming pool the only time I turn my head the entire day.
Fortunately a friend sees this happen and dives in to save Sam from any ha
   103

Suspicious

Bizarre Outcome
Dance Curse 7

  1988
  By voting for the pathetic Twist dancers, the Fort Worth Forty deprived Rick and Sharon of their rightful victory.  As upset outcomes go, this was definitely a weird one.

 

BOOK TEN:  LIMBO
   102

Suspicious

 Coincidence  1984
  Two years after Rick and Victoria separate, Hazel runs into her at the airport, then calls Rick to discuss it.
   101

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1983
  A muscle-bound body builder named Scott nearly kills Rick and revolutionizes the studio in the process.
   100

Serious

Strange Accident
Dance Curse 6

  1983
  Bizarre Gordian Knot problem ruins Rick's Waltz performance with Judy Price.
   099

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1981
  Despite the mishaps of the 1981 Halloween Party from Hell, Jim Fogo's photographs make the party legendary.  From here on out SSQQ will become famous for throwing the best Halloween Party in town
   098

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1981
  Thanks to the unusual figure and imagination of Crazy Jane, Rick's Dance Studio gets a perfect name:  SSQQ
   097

Suspicious

 Synchronicity  1981
  The combination of a new dance system (Western Swing), a perfect location for classes, & the nearby Winchester dance hall lead to the best year of Rick's dance career.  The success of the studio is assured.
   096

Serious

 Lucky Break
Coincidence		  1980
  Herb Fried, a total stranger, offers the timely hint that solves the crisis of the Slow Slow Quick Quick Riddle.  This Lucky Break would lead to Rick's work on Western Swing, an exciting new dance system involving Double Turns.
   095

Serious

 Lucky Break
Coincidence		  1980
  Following Rick's eviction from Stevens of Hollywood, Glen Hunsucker offers a last second rescue to Dance Arts
   094

Serious

 Lucky Break  1980
  The opening for a Western teacher at Leisure Learning stays open for an entire year despite the presence of the Urban Cowboy debut.  This 30-year business relationship propelled Rick's dance studio to the very top
   093

Serious

 Lucky Break
 Act of Kindness		  1980
  Linda Shuler takes all of 10 seconds to grant Rick permission to teach Western classes for TGIS.  This Simple Act of Kindness sent Rick's Western program flying into the stratosphere
   092

Serious

 Coincidence  1980
  At the exact moment Rick is about to send Victoria packing, Jennifer says goodbye.  Considering this coincidence to be an omen, Rick reluctantly follows his Instinct to watch over Victoria.   The Limbo Era begins
   091

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness  1980
  At the start of the C&W Era, rather than Renegotiate, Lance Stevens remains mysteriously paralyzed as Rick builds a lucrative Western dance program right under his nose.
   090

Serious

 Synchronicity
Lucky Break		  1980
  In January at the dawn of the Urban Cowboy-inspired Western Era, Rick is stunned to discover he is the only Western teacher in Houston (just like Disco two years earlier).   Right Place at Right Time.
 Country Crossroad: Rick's Blindness towards Western, Meyerland Club, Joanne, Fright Night, Class Factory combine to make Rick, an unworthy candidate, Houston's first C&W teacher.
   089

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1980
  At the exact moment Rick is convinced Country-Western is worthless and his dance career is over, Deborah of Class Factory calls to say the phone is ringing off the hook and the mailbox is full with C&W Registrations. 

 


BOOK NINE:  YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY
 
   088

Suspicious

Lucky Break

  1979
  Just when Deborah of Class Factory is about to hire a different Country-Western instructor, Rick is able to secure her help thanks to last night's Fright Night Awakening.  Timing is Everything.
   087

Serious

Lucky Break
Cosmic Blindness

  1979
  Fright Night: After spending nearly a year believing Country-Western was worse than the Black Plague, Rick is stunned to discover 'Cowboy' is not a disgusting honky tonk, but rather an exquisitely beautiful dance hall.
   086

Serious

Predestination
 Cosmic Blindness

  1979
  Doorstep Night.  In a strange twist of Fate, Victoria & Rick become lovers under the strangest of circumstances. 
When this turns about to be a serious mistake, Rick wonders if Cosmic Blindness was responsible.
   085

Suspicious

Lucky Break

  1979
  Due to the mysterious circumstances by which Victoria sent Joanne into Disco Exile, Joanne's decision to switch to Country put her in the right place at the right time to save Rick's dance career.
   084

Suspicious

Lucky Break

  1979
  When the Meyerland Club opportunity falls into Rick's lap, the offer is too lucrative to turn down.  Rick accepts the offer despite his distaste for all things Western and lack of knowledge.  And so the Gamble begins.
   083

Suspicious

Cosmic Blindness

  1979
  After hiding in plain sight for a month, Jennifer appears out of nowhere to help Rick with Clear Lake
   082

Suspicious

Synchronicity

  1979
  Urban Cowboy Synchronicity: Following his Darkest Day, Clay Felker recognizes his chance for Redemption thanks Gilley's and Lucky Break to get John Travolta to star.  Urban Cowboy creates Rick's dance career
   081

Serious

Strange Accident
Dance Curse 5

  1979
  Victoria's inadvertent Karate Chop at Annabelle's nearly puts a spectator in the hospital.  This was the 5th serious dance accident in a row for Rick.
   080

Suspicious

Eerie Premonition

  1979
  Following the poolside memory of the immense damage caused by his father's affair, Rick prays to God to help him avoid a similar Fate.  The temptation is removed, but a Premonition of an affair with Victoria is not.
   079

Serious

Strange Accident
Dance Curse 4

  1979
  Victoria's Greased Lightning Disco pants cause her to go flying at Foley's and narrowly miss serious injury
   078

Serious

Strange Accident
Dance Curse 3

  1979
  When a ceiling fan blade nips Victoria's toes at the Lighthouse, Victoria narrowly misses serious injury
   077

Suspicious

Coincidence

  1979
  A surprise visit to Patricia's apartment catches Patricia red-handed with Earl
   076

Serious

Strange Accident
Dance Curse 2

  1979
  When a drunk woman shoves Rick in the back during a dance contest at Spats, his elbow gashes the inside of Patricia's lower lip, thereby ruining the performance
   075

Suspicious

Coincidence

  1979
  Patricia discovers Victoria's Affirmation while searching for a pencil at Rick's house and goes ballistic
   074

Suspicious

Coincidence

  1979
  A last-minute decision to visit Patricia's apartment catches Patricia red-handed with Bob

 

BOOK EIGHT:  TEMPTATION TRIANGLE
   073

Suspicious

Synchronicity
Cosmic Blindness

  1978
  The Year of Living Dangerously:  Joanne's Christmas Party performance, Patricia's Bombshell, the Dangerous Liaison, and Victoria's Tirade creates the Temptation Triangle and a full year of serious trouble.
   072

Suspicious

Coincidence

  1978
  Right time, right place.  Joanne appears out of nowhere to steal the show at Victoria's Christmas Party
   071

Serious

Synchronicity

  1978
  The Interaction of Victoria, Patricia, and Joanne forms the Temptation Triangle

 

BOOK SEVEN:  DISCO ODYSSEY
   070

Suspicious

Synchronicity

  1978
  Summer of 78: Jenny, Marilyn, Karen, Francesca and Nancy prepare Rick for the Temptation Triangle

069

Suspicious

 Coincidence

 1978
  The peculiar presence of the Murray Bowen article in Francesca's car creates the bizarre Golf Clothing debacle at the Medical Center private dining room
   067

Serious

Lucky Break
 Cosmic Blindness

  1978
  Lance Stevens' thoughtless decision to allow Rick to rent rooms for group lessons gives him the chance to start a competing dance program under the same roof
   066

Serious

Lucky Break
Coincidence
 Act of Kindness

  1978
  Deborah Gordon of Class Factory hands Rick the break of a lifetime with a promise to send him students that will belong to him, not to Lance Stevens
   065

Suspicious

Cosmic Blindness
Dance Curse 1

  1978
  The Ritz Debacle is caused when the Ritz DJ loses his mind and turns out the lights
   064

Serious

Cosmic Blindness

  1978
  Eric loses his job after mysteriously challenging Lance Stevens
   063

Suspicious

Coincidence
Synchronicity

  1978
  Partner Dance Crisis: Gary, Sue Ann, Stevens, Janie, and Suzy each make a guest appearance to help Rick create the 'New Yorker' partner dance system

 

BOOK SIX:  MARIA BALLANTYNE
   062

Serious

Coincidence

  1978
  It was very fortunate that Rick was in a position to help Maria Ballantyne's husband Jay save his tropical plants from a menacing freeze.  In so doing, Rick received an invaluable lesson in the power of a Simple Act of Kindness
   061

Serious

Coincidence

  1978
  Maria Ballantyne appears out of nowhere to surprise Rick at his dance studio.
After inviting him to lunch, that afternoon she proceeds to tell Rick her life story.

 

BOOK FIVE:  THE MAGIC CARPET RIDE
   060

Serious

Lucky Break
Coincidence
Synchronicity

  1978
  Crossroad Synchronicity:  Leap of Faith from 3 years earlier becomes validated.
Rick is shocked to discover he is in the Right Place at the Right Time when SNF arrives. 
Courses a la Carte Spotlight Effect makes Rick the best-known Disco teacher in Houston. 
The Surprise Factor makes Rick the One in a Million Dance Teacher. 
The Mediocrity Effect and Lost Years Preparation makes Rick unusually effective right from the start.
   059

Suspicious

 Synchronicity  1977
  Robert Stigwood's Saturday Night Fever Synchronicity:  Nik Cohn, John Travolta, Bee Gees, Norman Wexler
   058

Serious

 Lucky Break
Coincidence		  1977
  Out of the blue, Lance Stevens offers Rick a Disco Line Dance class job.  Right place at the Right Time.
This job would prove to be Rick's Big Break, Stepping Stone Number Four
   057

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1977
  Rosalyn's Gift of a line dance class at Memorial JCC becomes Stepping Stone Number Three
   056

Suspicious

 Coincidence  1977
  The painful lessons learned at Melody Lane two years earlier help Rick turn into a Pied Piper at Rubaiyat
   055

Serious

 Lucky Break
Coincidence		  1977
  One week after a bizarre bomb threat interrupts Rick's first-ever opportunity to teach a line dance class, Rosalyn offers Rick a job teaching for the summer at the JCC.  This becomes Stepping Stone Number Two
   054

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Precognition		  1977
  Rick is so excited after teaching his first-ever class, he spends two hours creating a syllabus for a class that does not exist only to discover one week later his prayers have been answered.
   053

Serious

 Coincidence
 Wish Come True		  1977
  A bizarre bomb threat at the JCC interrupts Rick's first-ever opportunity to teach a line dance class.  The Bomb Scare Event was the first of four major events on the Home Stretch to Rick's dance career. 
 

BOOK FOUR:  LOST YEARS
   052

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		  1976
  Roberta's strange decision to let Rick take over her class awakens his interest in teaching a line dance class.
   051

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		  1975
  Rick had a chance following the Side Cars acrobatic exhibition when Becky showed interest, but failed to act.  Due to Rick's preoccupation with Becky, he missed a clue that hinted at his future profession. 
   050

Serious

 Messenger
Lucky Break		  1975
  Gaye Brown-Burke singlehandedly rescued Rick from an incredibly serious Depression.  Over the next two years she would give Rick the tools he needed to continue his fight to escape the Epic Losing Streak
   049

Suspicious

 Precognition
Predestination		  1975
  Precognitive fantasy in Gaye's office regarding becoming a Cruise Social Director comes true 25 years later
   048

Suspicious

 Messenger
Cosmic Blindness		  1975
  Rick's inability to think of a way to ask Katie for a date cost him dearly.  As for messages, Jack taught Rick how NOT to run a dance studio while Katie indirectly reminded Rick to get a career.
   047

Suspicious

 Messenger  1975
  Celeste, Henry and Phoney Baloney teach Rick how NOT to run a dance studio
   046

Serious

 Coincidence
Messenger		  1975
  Manimal's freak attack at the Farmhouse puts a swift and sudden end to Rick's journey to the Gay lifestyle
   045

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		  1975
  Rick uses his volleyball skills to meet Celeste at Rice University.  The question is why Rick failed to think of such an obvious place to meet women before now.
   044

Suspicious

 Coincidence  1974
  Mark and Donna's Dance Intervention at Casa Mark reignites Rick's determination to continue his Dance Project
   043

Serious

 Coincidence
Messenger		  1974
  Rachel phones Rick with perfect timing to initiate a passionate love affair.  She imparted two messages.  If I could get my act together, I had a lot going for me.  But without a career, I would never succeed with women
   042

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Wish Fulfillment		  1974
  Swimming Pool encounter with Gloria who was in the right place at the right time.  Considering Rick's fixation with 'The Graduate', he finds it very strange to acquire a Mistress named Mrs. Robinson.
   041

Suspicious

 Coincidence  1974
  The Magic Mirror gives Rick a fighting chance to avoid further humiliation in the Rematch.  Rick makes a Leap of Faith to continue dance lessons no matter what until he becomes good.  The Dance Project begins.
   040

Serious

 Bizarre Experience  1974
  The Parking Lot Inferno marked Rick's triumph over Phobia.  Rick's decision to return the following week for the Rematch marked the start of Rick's three year Dance Project.
   039

Serious

 Weird Experience  1974
  The Dance Class from Hell included the Gay Gauntlet, the River Oaks Seven, Rick's Charles Manson appearance, his overwhelming clumsiness, and Disco Dave's decision to proposition Rick at the end of class
   038

Serious

 Coincidence
Weird Experience		  1974
  After Rick is tricked into the arms of a drag queen, Lynn delivers a curious message: Try Dance Lessons. 
Lynn's message reinforces Rick's Fork in the Road decision to try dance lessons
   037

Serious

 Coincidence  1974
  When Rick's car mysteriously stalls at Yolanda's house, the resulting humiliation makes it impossible for Rick to call Yolanda for another date.  This leads to the Fork in the Road decision to try dance lessons
   036

Serious

 Coincidence  1974
  Seeing the Mistress Book dedicated to 'Vanessa' was so improbable, it felt like an Omen.  This convinced Rick to buy the book that begins his Magic Carpet Ride and takes his life in an entirely new direction
 

BOOK THREE:  COLORADO STATE
   035

Serious

 Coincidence
Lucky Break		  1974
  As the Point of No Return beckons, Dr. Hilton's timely Intervention regarding Debbie gives Rick the hope and the clue he needs to tackle the Epic Losing Streak.
   034

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Wish Come True		  1973
  The movie 'Ben Hur' combined with Jackie's revelations regarding Vanessa give Rick the will to carry on
   033

Serious

 Coincidence  1973
  Portland Woman song coincidence leads to Rick's disastrous relationship with Vanessa.
   032

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness  1973
  Rick's inability to shut up in Dr. Fujimoto's class gets him thrown out of graduate school at Colorado State
 

BOOK TWO:  MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR
   031

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Wish Come True		  1971
  Right place at the Right time.  After a difficult summer, at the exact moment Rick decides to abandon his spiritual path, a pretty girl named Julie invites him to spend the night. 
   030

Serious

 Precognition
Wish Come True		  1971
  Rick's Camp Counselor Daydream predicting a summer job comes true
   029

Ultra-Serious

 Telepathy
Hidden World		  1970
  Vicky's psychic ability channels the ghost of Rick's dog Terry from the Hidden World.  Rick pays forward his debt to Mrs. Ballantyne by reassuring Vicky that she has the strength to face her ordeal.
   028

Suspicious

 Predestination
Coincidence		  1970
  Rick's Astrological aspect accurately predicts eye injuries, a major coincidence.  Just as curious, an eye injury occurs on the exact date Rick's Astrological mathematics had predicted it would.
   027

Suspicious

 Telepathy
Coincidence		  1970
  A Yogi from India chuckles at the exact moment Rick visualizes a Question Mark in his mind
   026

Suspicious

 Lucky Break at a
Critical Moment		  1970
  Strange Warning at the Hopkins Graduate Reading Room leads Rick to visit the local Quaker Meeting.  An unusual suggestion from a mystic named Richard leads to Rick's Magical Mystery Tour.  A lecture from Bob Hieronimus supplies further incentive.  Carl Jung suggests keeping a list of coincidences will reveal the existence of God.
   025

Ultra-Serious

 Unlucky Break
Coincidence		  1968
  Rick has a narrow two minute window to spot Emily and Eric get out of a taxi at the Baltimore train station
 

BOOK ONE:  ST. JOHN'S
   024

Serious

 Lucky Break
Wish Come True		  1968
  The Cinderella appearance of Princess Cheryl as Rick's date for the Senior Prom
   023

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1968
  Despite a near-brush with death, Rick walks away unscathed after a close call car accident
   022

Serious

 Lucky Break
Cosmic Blindness
 Act of Kindness		  1968
  Ralph O'Connor hands Rick a full scholarship to Johns Hopkins University with secret help from Mr. Salls.  Due to Rick's Senior year Blind Spot, Rick gives Mr. Salls no credit whatsoever for this remarkable good fortune.
   021

Ultra-Serious

 Coincidence
Lucky Break
Act of Kindness		  1968
  Mrs. Ballantyne fails to notice Rick at SJS for 9 years only to magically appear during the most serious crisis of his life.  The ensuing conversation in the grocery store parking lot gives Rick the hope to carry on.
   020

Ultra-Serious

 Coincidence
Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		  1968
  Caught cheating on German test due to a very improbable coincidence.  The unacceptable loss of common sense led to the development of Rick's Cosmic Blindness theory
   019

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break  1968
  The failure of Rick's father to honor his long-standing Pledge to help pay for college dramatically increases Rick's fear that his college dream is out of reach
   018

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness  1968
  Additional Blind Spot regarding less expensive in-state tuition puts Rick in a real bind regarding his dream of attending college in the Fall.
   017

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness  1967
  Senior Year Blind Spot regarding Mr. Salls and the college scholarship he secretly arranged to Johns Hopkins
   016

Serious

 Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		  1967
  Rick's Mother forgets about child support, gets blind-sided into buying a house she cannot afford
   015

Serious

 Coincidence
Lucky Break
 Act of Kindness		  1966
  Rick is in Right Place at the Right Time.  Mr. Ocker runs into Rick at the grocery store and offers him a job
   014

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Wish Come True		  1965
  Neal's sucker punch trick allows Rick to defeat Harold in the shower room fight.  Soon after, a set of weights magically appears to ensure bullies would never be a problem again
   013

Serious

 Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		  1964
  Rick's mother mysteriously fails to take him to doctor following his serious acne attack.  Her delay initiated Rick's Epic Losing Streak with women, a span that would last 20 years.  High School Hell begins. 
   012

Serious

 Coincidence
Strange Accident		  1964
  A one in a million Basketball strike on Rick's face swollen with acne forces him to quit the team.  
   011

Serious

 Lucky Break
Heartfelt Wish		  1964
  The mysterious discovery of a chess book helps Rick defeat taxi cab driver Neal at his own game
   010

Serious

 Coincidence
Wish Come True		  1964
  Rick wins the Kern Tips football book in a drawing, beating odds of 200 to 1
   009

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Wish Come True		  1964
  Due to an unusual rapport with my Headmaster, Mr. Chidsey decides to give me a full scholarship to SJS
   008

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Lucky/Unlucky Break		  1964
  After a grocery store cop catches Rick stealing, he inadvertently explains the value of an incredible education
   007

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break  1963
  Boy Scout Debacle.  Mr. Curran's suggestion backfires when a serious illness at Boy Scout camp leads to Invisibility at Rick's school
   006

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Act of Kindness		  1962
  When Rick's father refuses to continue paying for SJS in 6th Grade, Uncle Dick and Aunt Lynn step forward
   005

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Act of Kindness		  1961
  Not only does a St. John's teacher inspire Rick to become a writer, Mr. Powell's timely intervention keeps an attention-starved boy from going off the deep end.
   004

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness
Act of Kindness		  1961
  Rick's mother loses her mind and nearly kills both during the Blue Christmas ride to Virginia.  Fortunately, the kindness of a gas station manager and Dick and Lynn give my mother a fighting chance to start over.
   003

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Unlucky Break		  1959
  Father's affair leads to Rick's education at St. John's, the most important lucky break of his life.
However, as time goes by, Rick's social isolation at a rich kid's school turns him into a moody loner.
   002

Serious

 Coincidence  1955
  Rick's sudden impulse to play arcade game saves Rick and his father from Death at Stock Car accident
   001

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Strange Accident

 1955
  Rick cuts his eye out by foolishly pulling knife in wrong direction when his mother calls out at the worst possible time.  By coincidence, Rick's father lost one of his eyes at the same age.
 

   103

Serious

 Intuition
Synchronicity		     Angel Bush, Maxwell Mayhem
   102     Suspicious Telepathy    Marla and Rick start singing 'People are Strange' simultaneously for no apparent reason
   101

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness
Intuition
Calling		 2009  Surprise visit from Mrs. Ballantyne helps Rick remove his Blind Spot regarding Mr. Salls.  Recognizing the unique
 Karmic Triangle that binds him to Mrs. Ballantyne and Mr. Salls, Rick expands his previous 2005 story
 about a Simple Act of Kindness to include Mr. Salls.  In so doing, Rick acknowledges his Calling to write a book.
   100

Suspicious

Coincidence

     Captain Teige Meeting
 

Suspicious

Predestination

     Cruise Ship Prophecy comes to pass (see #42)
   099

Suspicious

  Cosmic Blindness
Coincidence		     Aunt Lynn loses her passport prior to joining my Wedding Cruise.  I rescue Lynn.
  I lose my passport prior to my cruise trip to Russia.  Lynn rescues me.
   098

Serious

Predestination
Cosmic Blindness

     Gypsy Prophecy:  Marla's future is foretold by a psychic using Tarot Cards.  Then her mind was erased.
   097

Serious

 Synchronicity     Fairy Tale Synchronicity: Stroke of Midnight coincidence at Disco, Ashley Rumor misunderstanding,
  Dark Night of the Soul, Second night coincidence outside Rick's cabin
   096

Suspicious

Cosmic Blindness

     Marla does not know I exist for six months despite my neverending attempts to get her attention
   095   Suspicious Coincidence
Cosmic Blindness		    Rick's 3 year old daughter Sam falls to the bottom of the swimming pool the moment he turns his head
 

Suspicious

Coincidence

  1987   sharon crawford Bahamas
   094

Suspicious

Coincidence

  1984   Hazel runs into Victoria at the airport, then calls me to discuss it
   093

Serious

Strange Accident

     Gordian Knot accident ruins Waltz performance of Judy and Rick
   092

Suspicious

Lucky Break

 1981   Scott was the muscle-bound guy who unwittingly revolutionized SSQQ by hurting women with his strength
   091

Suspicious

 Lucky Break 1981   Halloween photographs taken by Jim Fogo's create a sensation
   090

Suspicious

Lucky Break

 1980   SSQQ gets it name
   089

Suspicious

Lucky Break

 1980   Winchester Club creates sensational growth of studio
   088

Suspicious

 Synchronicity 1980   Western Synchronicity: TGIS, Dance Arts, QQSS Discovery, Leisure Learning, Winchester
   087

Serious

 Lucky Break
Heartfelt Wish
Cosmic Blindness		 1980   Herb Fried cracks the Riddle of the Western Double Turns: QQSS
   086

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness 1980   Lance Stevens receives Karmic Punishment
   085

Serious

 Lucky Break 1980   Glen Hunsucker Last Second Rescue to Dance Arts
   084

Serious

 Lucky Break 1980   Ted Weisgal hires me to teach for Leisure Learning
   083

Serious

 Lucky Break 1980   Rick meets Linda Shuler at TGIS
   082

Suspicious

 Lucky Break 1980   Evolution of Western dancing begins
   081

Suspicious

 Synchronicity 1980   Country Crossroad: Blindness towards Western, Meyerland Club, Joanne, Fright Night, Class Factory
  I become Houston's first country western teacher
   080

Serious

 Lucky Break 1979   Fright Night
   079

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness 1979   Plato's Cave: Blind resistance to oncoming Western phenomenon
   078

Suspicious

 Synchronicity 1979   Clay Felker Synchronicity: Chance visit to Gilley's, Lucky Break to get John Travolta to star in Urban Cowboy
   077

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     My unwanted Affair with Victoria causes me to form my theory of Cosmic Blindness and its relationship to Free Will
   076

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Doorstep Night
   075

Suspicious

 Lucky Break 1979   Joanne is in right place at right time to help with Western
   074

Suspicious

 Lucky Break 1979   Meyerland Club
   073

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Jennifer appears out of nowhere to help with Clear Lake
   072

Suspicious

 Strange Accident     Karate Chop Accident at Annabelle's
   071

Suspicious

 Strange Accident     Foley's Accident
   070

Serious

 Strange Accident     Lighthouse Accident
   069

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Rick runs into Earl at Patricia's apartment
   068

Suspicious

 Strange Accident     Patricia's Split Lip Accident at Spats
   067

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Patricia's accidental Affirmation Discovery
   066

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Rick runs into Bob at Patricia's apartment
   065

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Year of Living Dangerously: Joanne steals the show, Rock Star Argument, Patricia's Bombshell, Dangerous Liaison, Joanne's Appearance at Pistachio, Victoria's Tirade, Inquisition, Devil's Bargain regarding Patricia, Camelot
   064

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Joanne wins Battle of the Disco Divas at Victoria's Pistachio Christmas Party
   063

Serious

 Synchronicity     Battle of the Disco Divas: Interaction of Victoria, Patricia, and Joanne doubles Rick's dance program
   062

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Summer of 78: Marian, Jenny, Marilyn, Karen, Francesca, Nancy
   061

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Stevens' hasty decision to rent rooms to Rick for group lessons
   060

Serious

 Lucky Break     Donna Gordon of Class Factory hands me the break of a lifetime
   059

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Ritz Silver Lining: Cold War with Lance Stevens leads to his Cosmic Blindness
   058

Suspicious

 Strange Accident     The Ritz Disaster
   058

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     The Three Mentors: Patsy Swayze, Gaye Brown-Burke, Rosalyn Lively
   057

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Eric loses his job after challenging Lance Stevens
   056

Serious

 Synchronicity     Partner Dance Crisis: Gary, Stevens, Sue Ann, Janie, and Suzy help create 'New Yorker' partner dance system
   055

Suspicious

 Coincidence 1978   Mrs. Ballantyne appears out of nowhere at Stevens of Hollywood to renew our friendship
  Rick helps Dr. Ballantyne save his tropical plant collection
   054

Serious

 Synchronicity
Stepping Stone		  1978   Crossroad Synchronicity: Spotlight Effect, Incompetence Effect, Right Place at Right Time
   053

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Robert Stigwood Synchronicity: John Travolta, Nik Cohn, Bee Gees, Norman Wexler
   052

Serious

 Lucky Break
Stepping Stone		  1977   Disco Line Dance class job handed to Rick at Stevens of Hollywood
   051

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1977   Revelation following Graduation Night at Rubaiyat
   050

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Stepping Stone		  1977   Rosalyn's Gift of line dance class at Memorial JCC
   049

Serious

 Lucky Break
Heartfelt Wish
Stepping Stone
Precognition

 1977

   Rosalyn's Gift of summer line dance class at Braeswood JCC
   048

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Weird Bomb Scare at JCC sends Rick's first-ever dance class into parking lot
   047

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Roberta's request for me to take over her class
   046

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Beth and I perform the Sidecar acrobatic lift
   045

Suspicious

 Predestination
Intuition		     Precognitive fantasy in Gaye's office regarding becoming a Cruise Director comes true 30 years later
   044 

Serious

 Lucky Break     Gaye's strong intervention lifts Rick out of serious depression
   043

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness  1975   Inability to invite Katie to join Rick at Melody Lane leads to disaster
   042

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break     Celeste at Phoney Baloney Dance Studio
   041

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break     Manimal attack at Farmhouse
   040

Suspicious

  Lucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		     Rick uses his volleyball skills to meet Celeste at Rice University
   039

Suspicious

  Lucky Break     River Oaks Seven vanquished
   038

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Alice in Strange Wonderland: Gay Siberia, Casa Mark, Lucy and Jill, Farmhouse, Gloria
   037

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Mark and Donna's Dance Intervention
   036

Serious

 Coincidence    Rachel phones Rick with perfect timing
   035

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Swimming Pool encounter with Gloria
   034

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		     Magic Mirror
   033

Serious

 Synchronicity
Intuition
Stepping Stone		     Dance Class from Hell: Gay Gauntlet, River Oaks Seven, Sasquatch, Disco Dave proposition, Parking Lot Inferno
   032

Serious

 Synchronicity     Dance Path Synchronicity: Rejection Phobia, Courtesan Book, Stalled Car Incident at Casa Yolanda,
  Drag Queen Lynn
   031

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break     Bedeviling Importance of Rivers Oaks Seven
   030

Suspicious

 Messenger     Drag Queen Lynn has a message for me
   029

Serious

 Coincidence     Stalled Car Incident at Yolanda's house
   028

Serious

 Coincidence     Discovery of Vanessa's name in the Mistress Book convinces Rick to buy the book
   027

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Epic Losing Streak:  Jason, Learned Helplessness, Point of No Return, Acne Blind Spot, Christine, Debbie,
  Dr. Hilton's Intervention
   026

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness
Lucky Break		     Rick's inability to shut up in Dr. Fujimoto's class costs him dearly
  Fujimoto delivers the lesson and Dr. Hilton explains what went wrong
   025

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Lucky Break		     Portland Woman song coincidence
  Vanessa delivers the lesson and Jackie explains what went wrong
   024

Serious

 Predestination
Heartfelt Wish		     Camp Counselor Daydream predicts summer job
   023

Serious

 Telepathy     Vickie the psychic and the Ghost of Terry
   022

Suspicious

  Unlucky Break     Astrology eye injury
   021

Suspicious

  Telepathy
Coincidence		     A yogi from India chuckles the moment I visualize a Question Mark in my mind
   020

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Strange Warning at the Hopkins Graduate Reading Room leads to visiting the local Quaker Meeting.
  An unusual suggestion by a stranger leads to Magical Mystery Tour and the end of a serious depression
   019

Serious

  Coincidence 1968   Emily and Eric Taxi Coincidence at the Train Station
   018

Serious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		 1968   The Cinderella appearance of Princess Cheryl as my date for Senior Prom
   017

Suspicious

 Eerie Prediction     Murphy's Curse that my rebellious nature would lead to dire consequences
   016

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Close Call Car Accident
   015

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness
Lucky Break		     Senior Year Blind Spot regarding Mr. Salls and my college scholarship to Johns Hopkins
  Ralph O'Connor hands Rick a full scholarship to Johns Hopkins University
   014

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness
Coincidence
Lucky Break		     Despite Rick's obsession, Mrs. Ballantyne and Rick fail to connect at SJS for 9 years. Fateful Conversation with Mrs. Ballantyne at Weingarten's parking lot
   013

Serious

 Coincidence
Cosmic Blindness		     Caught cheating on German test due to amazing coincidence and unbelievable loss of common sense
   012

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Rick's Mother forgets about child support, gets blind-sided into Little Mexico
   015

Serious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		  1966
  Rick is in Right Place at the Right Time.  Mr. Ocker runs into Rick at the grocery store and offers him a job
   014

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		  1964
  Neal's sucker punch trick allows Rick to defeat Harold in the shower room fight.  Soon after a set of weights magically appears to ensure bullies would never be a problem again at SJS
   013

Serious

 Unlucky Break
Coincidence		  1964
  One in a million Basketball strike on Rick's swollen face
   012

Serious

 Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		  1964
  Rick's mother mysteriously fails to take him to doctor following his serious acne attack.  This event initiated Rick's Epic Losing Streak with women, a span that would last 20 years
   011

Serious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		  1964
  The mysterious discovery of a chess book helps Rick defeat Taxi Car driver Neal at his own game
   010

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Heartfelt Wish		  1964
  Due to an unusual rapport with Mr. Chidsey, the Headmaster decides to give Rick a full scholarship to SJS
   009

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Lucky/Unlucky Break		  1964
  After a grocery store cop catches Rick stealing, he inadvertently explains the value of an incredible education
   008

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		  1964
  Rick wins the Kern Tips football book in a drawing, beating odds of 200 to 1
   007

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break  1963
  Rick's friendship with Mr. Curran guides him through the 7th Grade.  However Mr. Curran's excellent suggestion backfires when a serious illness at Boy Scout camp results in ostracism at school
   006

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Act of Kindness		  1962
  When Rick's father refuses to continue paying for SJS in 6th Grade, Uncle Dick and Aunt Lynn step forward
   005

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Act of Kindness		  1961
  Not only does a St. John's teacher inspire Rick to become a writer, Mr. Powell's timely intervention keeps an attention-starved boy from going off the deep end.
   004

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness
Act of Kindness		  1961
  Rick's mother loses her mind and nearly kills both during the Blue Christmas ride to Virginia.  Fortunately, the kindness of a gas station manager and Dick and Lynn give my mother a fighting chance to start over.
   003

Suspicious

 Lucky/Unlucky Break  1959
  Father's affair leads to Rick's education at St. John's, the most important lucky break of his life
   002

Serious

 Coincidence  1955
  Rick's sudden impulse to play arcade game saves Rick and his father from Death at Stock Car accident
   001

Suspicious

   Unlucky Break
Coincidence		 1955
  Rick cuts his eye out by foolishly pulling knife in wrong direction when his mother calls out at the worst possible time.  By coincidence, Rick's father lost one of his eyes at the same age.
 

 

      
 

LEAP OF FAITH
 

I have written Magic Carpet Ride for several reasons.  To begin with, I have tried to show that even the worst luck of all might not turn out as badly as one fears.  In addition I have used my List of Supernatural Events to explain how I attained my belief in God and Fate.

The Events I find most remarkable were the unusual circumstances surrounding the start of my Magic Carpet Ride.  It was these events that led to the Leap of Faith that would ultimately clinch my belief in God.  Considering these events have become the foundation of my belief, I would like to take my Reader back for a closer look.
 


LIST OF SUSPECTED SUPERNATURAL EVENTS
   039

Serious

 Bizarre Experience  1974
  The Parking Lot Inferno marked Rick's unusual decision to return the following week and see how things went
   038

Serious

 Bizarre Experience  1974
  The Dance Class from Hell was a Karmic Event which included the Gay Gauntlet, the River Oaks Seven, Rick's overwhelming dance clumsiness, and Disco Dave's decision to proposition him at the end of class
   037

Serious

 Coincidence
Messenger
Synchronicity		  1974
  Tricked into the arms of a drag queen, Lynn delivers an unusual message: Try Dance Lessons.   Thanks to the Dance Path Synchronicity (Phobia, Mistress Book, Yolanda, Stalled Car, Lola-Lynn), Rick decides taking dance lessons might be the only way to escape his crippling Rejection Phobia
   036

Serious

 Coincidence  1974
  When Rick's car mysteriously stalls at Yolanda's house, the resulting humiliation leads to further chaos
   035

Serious

 Coincidence  1974
  Seeing the Mistress Book dedicated to 'Vanessa' was so improbable, it felt like an Omen.  This convinced Rick to buy the book that would change the direction of his life in a radical new direction.
 

This is an unprovable theory, so all I have to offer in its defense are observations drawn from personal experience.  So far in my saga, the best example of Cosmic Blindness would be my mother's failure to take me to the doctor following my shocking overnight outbreak of acne. 

Let's say you are a parent with one child.  Last night your child went to sleep with a normal complexion only to awaken the next morning with a face covered wall to wall with disgusting red pimples.  Even worse, your son is screaming in pain because his face has swollen to obscene proportions due to a raging infection.  What should you do?

I don't know about you, but if this was my kid, I would think 'Doctor'.  But can I afford the bill?  Yes.  My ex carries health insurance and is responsible for our son's medical bills. 

So what stopped my mother from making the correct no-brainer decision?  Beats the heck out of me.  But wait, I'm not done yet.  She failed to take to the doctor Monday.  And Tuesday.  And Wednesday.  Observing that the problem was not getting better and hearing me beg for help, my mother finally relented and took me in on Thursday.  If you are counting, my mother waited four days to do the right thing.  In those four days the infection grew so serious it would take over a year of antibiotics to regain control.  In the process, the receding acne left behind the worst case of facial scarring of any person I have ever observed in my life. 

My mother was not a stupid woman.  She was a straight A student in high school.  The only reason she was not a college graduate was her decision to drop out of college in order to support my father's education.  Therefore her inexplicable reluctance to promptly take me to a doctor has nothing to do with intelligence.  That forces us to ask an awkward question.  What mother in her right mind sees her child in extreme discomfort and fails to recognize the danger?   The answer, of course, is Mom was not in her right mind.  Why not?

It is my belief that my mother was intentionally blinded for the specific reason that these Scars were my Karma.   The acne and scars created the Epic Losing Streak which of course led to the dance career.  I can draw a straight line from those scars to the development of the Phobia.  My fight to overcome this deep-seated mental illness forced me to try dancing in a far-fetched attempt to conquer my fears.  Indeed, if my mother had done the right thing, I doubt seriously the dance career would have ever taken place. 

 
 

Following my expulsion from Graduate School, I was a broken man.  I had no career and I was incredibly lonely.  Too weak to tackle both problems at once, the loneliness problem was far more urgent, so that came first.  Unfortunately, I was so afraid of a woman's rejection that I could not force myself to leave my apartment at night to go looking. In particular I had no idea how to approach an attractive woman who was a stranger.  After two months of just sitting there night after night feeling sorry for myself, it crossed my mind that maybe there was a book which might give me ideas how to solve the problem.

I was about to put The Mistress Book back on the shelf when I noticed the author's dedication: "To Vanessa.  Who's sorry now?"   Considering Vanessa was the name of the woman whose betrayal had sent me spiraling into this predicament to begin with, I was convinced this book was some sort of omen.  From what little I had read, I could tell that this book was very offensive.  However, for $1, I could afford to take a gamble.

The book suggested the art of conversation, cooking and dance lessons as the three easiest ways to meet women.  How was I going to talk to a woman if I could not even find the courage to approach one?  As for cooking, peanut butter and jelly was the best I could do.  That left dance lessons.  I was interested in dance lessons, but very skeptical.  Based on several past experiences I knew I was an extremely poor dancer.  Well aware it would take a long time for my dancing to become good enough to impress a pretty, I decided dance lessons were a very bad idea.  Back to Square One. 

 

To my surprise, a pretty girl named Yolanda took an interest in me.   She worked at the same location as my temporary summer social work job.  To be honest, Yolanda was not my type.  My experience with women in the past had always taken place in college settings.  Yolanda was a high school drop out from the wrong side of the tracks.  On the other hand, she was a very sexy girl with a drop-dead figure.  Plus she had made the first move.  That gave me just enough confidence to ask her out.

I took Yolanda to dinner.  When the subject of billiards came up, that gave me an idea.  On a whim I had recently purchased a pool table.  So I challenged Yolanda to a game of pool.  She leaped on the idea immediately.  However, I expected she would change her mind when I revealed the location would be my apartment.  To my surprise Yolanda did not even blink.

"You're on, vato.  I will keeeck your ass."

As it turned out, Yolanda was far superior to me.  No surprise there, I was a beginner.  What got my attention was the nonchalance with which she displayed her well-curved body.  Leaning forward to shoot, several times her ample breasts threatened to explode from her low-cut top at any moment.  Stretching for long shots, her short skirt came up so high that I could see her panties.  I had never met a more immodest woman in my life.  In addition, the author of the Mistress Book had claimed that any woman willing to come to a guy's apartment is likely to respond well to the suggestion to spend the night.  Given the kind of signals I was getting, I asked Yolanda to go to bed with me.

"No, vato, thanks for asking, but I prefer to stay faithful to mi novio, my boyfriend.  But I had fun tonight, so ask me out again."
 

It had taken all my courage to proposition Yolanda.  Based on her constant teasing, I had been certain that she would say yes, so I was devastated when she said no.  Given my low self-esteem, I assumed I had done something wrong to discourage her.  Furthermore, I did not know what to make of her.  Why would any woman with a boyfriend display her body so unabashedly?  Nevertheless, despite my confusion, I clung to the fact that she had invited me to try again, so that's what I did.  Unfortunately, Yolanda stood me up on a Friday night.  When I got to her house, the lights were dark.  I waited for half an hour, then gave up in frustration. 

As I drove home I was so angry that I decided to confront Yolanda the next day.  To my surprise she was standing on her driveway talking to a 300-pound tattooed biker guy.  Given how unattractive he was, I assumed the guy was a neighbor of some sort so I paid him no heed.  However, when I stormed up to Yolanda ready to give her a piece of my mind, she greeted me warmly and introduced me to Robbie, HER BOYFRIEND. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Rico, my car didn't start last night so Robbie came and got me."

Two appalling thoughts raced through my mind.  First, based on the grin on Robbie's face, he knew who I was.  Second, it was fairly obvious that Robbie was getting ready to leave after spending the night with his girlfriend.  These revelations blew my mind.  What was a fox like Yolanda doing with this grease ball in the first place?  If she had a boyfriend, why would she tease me so shamelessly at my apartment?  And why would she tell Robbie about me?  Totally unable to make any sense of this situation, I abruptly decided to leave. 

Only one problem.  My car would not start.  I died a million deaths when I saw Robbie and Yolanda laughing at my predicament.  After savoring my frustration for a moment, they walked over.  Robbie offered to help me push and Yolanda said she would engage the clutch.  Now my car worked just fine.  As Yolanda got out of the car, her short skirt rode up high on her waist, thereby giving me yet another unforgettable memory of her panties.  Embarrassed, I looked at Robbie.  He had seen the whole thing.  First he shrugged, then gave me another one of his cat that ate the fish grins.  Totally blown away by the utter weirdness of this event, I mumbled my thanks and drove away as fast as I could.  One more thing.  This was the only time this car ever stalled.  Kind of strange, don't you think?

So picture this.  You remember the line from the song, "Lonely man cries for love, but has none."  Here is a young man who has struck out with women his entire life and he has just spent the worst year of his life in graduate school.  Not only has his professor sent him packing, his girlfriend has betrayed him in the cruelest way imaginable.  What little confidence the poor guy had left has just been exhausted by a sexy Mexican girl who gets her kicks out of turning guys on, then saying no.  It can't possibly get worse than this.

When I reached home, I was unable to settle down on a Saturday night.  How about a long walk?  I had to do something to dissipate all this anxiety I was feeling.  Just as it gets dark, from a distance I noticed a black girl standing there who had accidentally locked herself out of her apartment.  Curious, I walked over.  Maybe I could help.  When I got close enough, I did a double-take.  This girl is a knockout!  What on earth is a girl of this magnitude doing by herself on a Saturday night?  And what a strange coincidence that I should walk by at the exact moment she is locked out.  Moreover, I felt some strong vibrations coming from the pretty girl.  Lynn wasted no time accepting my offer to climb through a window.  After I solved her problem, Lynn invited me to join her.  Once inside, to my surprise, she asked me to dance with her.  My heart sank.  Sure enough, I was terrible.  After ten minutes or so of clumsiness, I told Lynn to forget it, dancing was not my strong suit.  Too ashamed to continue, I was about to leave when Lynn pulled me to her.  After a passionate kiss, she led me to her bed.  Considering it had been a long time if you catch my drift, one would think I was overjoyed.  Quite the contrary.  Despite her incredible good looks, I was having trouble getting turned on.  That's when I figured it out.  Lynn was a boy.  Unbelievable. 

 
 

First my car wouldn't start.  Now I have just been picked up by a drag queen.  At this point, I decided this insanity must have some sort of Cosmic Purpose to it.  So rather than just get up and leave, instead I suggested to Lynn we go back to the kitchen table and have a little talk.

I was not angry.  After all, at least someone thought I was attractive.  Too bad it wasn't a girl.  Curious to know more about Lynn and his strange lifestyle, I asked him a series of questions.  At one point I asked Lynn if I was the worst dancer he/she had ever met.  Lynn nodded and said probably. 

But then Lynn smiled.  "You know what I think you should do?  Why not take dance lessons?"

Now I know what most people would think about this story.  They would say this was nonsense, that this was too weird to believe.  But I have told the truth.  This actually happened exactly the way I have described.  When Lynn suggested dance lessons, my jaw dropped open.  First the Mistress Book, then the stalled car, and now a Drag Queen is suggesting I could improve my pathetic life by taking dance lessons.  When Lynn said that, I shook my head in consternation, then laughed out loud.  Okay, God, you win.

According to the Mistress Book, learning to dance was supposed to require 'a modest effort'.  Modest effort?  After dancing with Lynn, learning to dance seemed insurmountable.  But maybe Lynn was right.  If I could find someone to explain it to me, maybe I could catch on.  Besides, I had just received my second omen that dancing was the answer to my prayers.  During the week I located a class that would start the following Saturday.  My optimistic fantasy suggested picking up a few useful dance steps.  Would it be so terrible to discover I had a secret talent for dance?  With just a bit of talent, I might find the courage to go dancing soon, meet some girls, hopefully solve my aching loneliness. 

In particular, I was convinced that God wanted me to take dance lessons.  Why else would He guide me to this weird book?  Why else would He use Yolanda to remind me that I did not have a clue around women?  Why else would He send a Drag Queen of all people to remind me what a lousy dancer I was and suggest I try dance lessons? 

 

As I drove to the dance studio for my first class, I was cautiously optimistic.  After all, since this was God's idea, surely I was due for a lucky break.  Unfortunately, things did not go as planned.  The moment I opened the door, I was stunned to see 7 ultra-thin society women wearing exquisite dresses and flawless make-up.  Their perfect hair, perfect figures, tasteful clothes and expensive jewelry screamed wealth.  Where had I seen women like these before?  St. John's School.  During the nine years I had attended St. John's, I had been shunned by women like these more times than I cared to remember.  And now I was being forced to relive the memory.  I felt incredibly insecure.  

All it took was one glance at me for all seven women to turn up their noses in disgust.  In their minds, this was their class and they didn't want me interrupting their fun.  They made it clear I did not belong here.   This was no surprise to me.  After all, St. John's mothers just like these women had spent nine years reminding me I did not belong at St. John's.  Caught off guard, I was intimidated by how cold they were.  Considering the biggest problem in my life was the fear of rejection by attractive women, their disgust at my presence was like placing a burning poker on the rawest nerve in my body.  If I thought being laughed at by Yolanda was bad, multiply my humiliation by seven. 

Confronted by the united scorn of seven imperious aristocrats, I was shaken to the core.  But there was more to it than that.  What are these women doing here?!?  I was barely hanging on by a thread to begin with.  Pretty much down to my last bullet, I had pinned all my hopes on this dance class because I believe this course of action had been recommended by God.  Instead of finding a way to restore my flagging confidence, here I was getting kicked in the teeth by nasty women who had just brought nine years of feeling inferior at St. John's back to life.

 

Just then I looked in the mirror and gasped.  After Vanessa's betrayal, I had been so depressed I stopped caring about my appearance.  To be honest, I had not looked in a mirror in over six months.  Now I felt waves of shame wash over me as I stared at my sunken cheeks and scars staring back at me.  I looked ridiculous thanks to long uncombed hair that went way past my shoulders.  No wonder these women was disgusted.  I probably looked like Charles Manson to these women.  I felt repulsive beyond my worst nightmare. 

Could things possibly be worse?  Yes!  I could not dance a lick.  I stumbled repeatedly and was forced to endure the snickers of the women.  Finally I couldn't take the humiliation.  Unwilling to risk anymore derision, I stopped dancing for the final five minutes.  After class I stuck around to ask Dave, my gay dance teacher, for help.  Dave worked with me for a good ten minutes, but it was no use.  I just couldn't get it.  Noticing how depressed I looked, Dave took pity on me. 

"I can see you are really struggling, so I have an idea.  Why don't you come home with me?  We can have lunch, get to know each other, and I can help you with your dancing."

I stared at Dave in stunned silence.  No doubt fixing lunch was a courtesy David extended to all his students.  My Drag Queen friend Lynn lived nearby.  Maybe we could invite Lynn too, have a three-way sex orgy.  Gee, wouldn't that be fun!

It crossed my mind that David had his seduction lines down pat.  At first I thought he wanted to help, but now I knew better.  Dave was so smooth, I assumed he had done this before.  Right now David was following the Mistress Book game plan to the letter... find them, fool them, fuck them and forget them.  Invite me to his lair, cook me a meal, share some happy talk, slip a Quaalude in my drink, soften me up with dance, and if I had one gay bone in my body he would finish me off. 

Good grief, does everybody know these tricks but me??  I was probably the only idiot on the planet who had to buy a book to figure out how to seduce someone.  However, there was one problem with David's approach.  The last time I checked I still preferred girls to guys, even pretty feminine ones like Lynn and David.  Without a word I left the room and staggered to my car.

Too weak to move, I was drenched in sweat here in this blazing hot parking lot.  I was miserable beyond comprehension as I contemplated my dancing inadequacy.  Given how low my courage was to begin with, I had taken a huge gamble coming to class today.  In a sense, it was like going 'all in', the popular Poker phrase.  I knew I was taking a risk, but I never expected things to backfire so badly.  How could I have been so wrong?  The irony is for a moment there I had felt in my heart that this dancing idea was the answer I was looking for.  Something was strange about today, something not right.  Under ordinary circumstances, one would not expect a Saturday morning dance class to turn into a Life Crisis.  It was like the cards had been deliberately stacked against me. 

 

I did not understand.  To me, the presence of Vanessa's name in the Mistress Book, the inexplicable rejection by Yolanda, the stalled car and the strange appearance of Lynn were events meant to suggest Dancing was the answer to my prayers.  Working together, this series of events suggested Dance Lessons might be the best way to lick this horrible Phobia I had about approaching women.  Silly me, I had interpreted these signs as a message from God, a recommendation of sorts.  Now look.  Here I was, stuck in this hellfire heat too pathetic to drive home.  Unless I missing something, it looked to me like God had deliberately set me up to fail. 

Why would God set me up for failure?  That made no sense!  It also hurt.  Isn't God supposed to help those who help themselves? 

Here in the midst of my Epic Losing Streak, I had never felt so abandoned.  Seriously, had God forgotten about Graduate School?  Had God forgotten about the Curse of Vanessa?  I understood that life has its ups and downs, but wasn't it my turn to catch a break??  Losing my temper, I screamed out loud in frustration, "Damn it!  Why does everything always have to be so hard for me?" 

Why did I have to be thrown out of graduate school?  Look how hard I tried!  And why did Vanessa ditch me?  Why can't I get rid of this fear of being hurt by women?  Why can't I learn to dance like normal people?  Would it be so terrible to discover I had a secret talent for dance?  With just a bit of talent, I might find the courage to go dancing soon, meet some girls, hopefully solve my aching loneliness.  But no, that was not going to happen.  My bright idea had turned out to be a disastrous dead end.  The worst part is that I thought I was doing what God wanted me to do.  The disappointment was just too much to handle, so I broke down and cried myself silly. 

Symbolically I had just burned to death in my car.  Despite the unbearable heat, I felt better after the crying jag.  After a big sigh, I was finally able to release my death grip on the steering wheel.  I sat back in my seat and took a long breath.  Those tears had really helped.  Grateful to see myself regain some self-control, I began to think with a clearer mind.  I was surprised, maybe even shocked, at the next thought to cross my mind.  Fortunately, once the tears passed, I was possessed by a sudden urge to try again.  I realize how silly it sounds to admit I turned into a giant crybaby over a dance class failure, but please understand that class held powerful symbolism in my mind.  No matter how terrible my dance class had turned out today, I still believed Dancing was my best path back to women. 

So I decided to return to class the next week, then the week after that and so on.  I was a very slow learner, so it took me three years to finally become competent.  That is when something strange happened.  At the exact moment I reached my goal, three dancing teaching jobs in a row were handed to me.  I never applied for any of these jobs; they simply appeared one after another out of thin air. 

 

I had only been teaching for a few month`12s when Saturday Night Fever made its debut.  Overnight I became the best-known Disco teacher in the city.  This was truly strange because it really had nothing to do with me.  To use a popular science-fiction cliché, due to a rift in the space-time continuum, for the first month I was the ONLY DISCO TEACHER IN HOUSTON.  Finding myself in the right place at the right time, I took my unexpected head start and made sure no one ever caught me.

At the time I had no idea that this was the start of my dance career.  I recall hoping I could turn this into a career, but I tried not to get my hopes up.  Due to my inexperience, I was not a very good teacher and my boss constantly threatened to replace me.  Fortunately, the passage of time made it clear that teaching dance and building my dance studio was my life's work.

In Hindsight, over a period of 10

 
 
Joanne was furious over my pathetic attitude.  "If you would just practice with me like we did back in September, you might actually know the answer to some of those questions!"  Each week her fear grew stronger that we would be exposed as frauds.  She need not have worried.  For the most part, these people did not take the lessons very seriously.  They knew so little about dancing that they just took my word for it.  And so Joanne and I somehow limped through the final month of class.  Unfortunately, my bad attitude cost me dearly.  At the end of our final class, Joanne cornered me in the parking lot.

"Rick, I've had enough of your carelessness.  You don't give a damn about Country-Western and you're gonna get busted sooner or later.  If you want to play with fire, that's your business, but I don't want to be anywhere near you when that happens.  I refuse to take the pressure of letting you fake it through another class.  Don't call me the next time you get in trouble.  From now on, you are on your own.  One more thing.  Quit being an idiot and visit a club to see things for yourself."

Although Joanne's harsh words took me by surprise, she definitely had a point.  I would miss Joanne dearly.  Her loss had just set me up for the absolute worst moment of my dance career.

Joanne disappeared from my life at this point.  However, I did see her one more time two years later.  One night I noticed Joanne standing by the railing at a Western club.  Studying her from afar, Joanne looked very unhappy.  I was used to Joanne's dark moods, so I went over anyway.  It took some effort, but she managed a weak smile when I said hello.  As we chatted, I learned a recent divorce was responsible.  Joanne never did have much luck with men.  I asked her to dance and she said okay.  As we danced, Joanne commented, "I see you've improved."  She grinned a little.  "Good grief, you even keep the rhythm.  Wonders never cease."

I smiled.  I liked it when Joanne teased me.  Back when Joanne was teaching me, I made the ground rules clear.  One, I would never visit a Western dance club as long as I lived.  Two, I refused to listen to the music when we danced.  As a result, I never came anywhere near the beat.  Recalling how it drove Joanne crazy trying to follow a guy who had no rhythm, I was suddenly ashamed of myself.  Hit by a flood of guilt, I tried to make amends.   

"Listen, Joanne, I owe you an apology for a lot of things.  I'm sorry I put you through so much pressure.  How we ever pulled off that Meyerland class was a small miracle.  I want you to know I am very grateful.  I could not have done what I did without you.  Your help with that Meyerland class is what opened the door.  I am in so much debt to you it is ridiculous."

Joanne smiled briefly and nodded.  However, she did not reply.  When the song ended, Joanne said, "I gotta go.  Thanks for the dance." 

Before I could protest, Joanne melted into the crowd.  Although I never saw Joanne again, at least I was given this brief chance to thank her.  On a Mystical note, Joanne's last-ditch Meyerland rescue was not an isolated event.  I mark the timely appearance of a dozen people along my path.  Some were saviors like Joanne who rescued me from the perils of the Meyerland Club Western class.  Others were mentors like Victoria who helped me during the Disco stage of my career.  Glen Hunsucker was instrumental in taking what Joanne showed me and smoothing it out.  In other words, I didn't do this on my own.  Time after time I had people pull me through jams in ways that hinted at Supernatural intervention.  I firmly believe God sent these people to me. 

Here is another thing I find curious.  Although Jennifer was the main reason Victoria went off the deep end, Joanne was the woman who first unsettled the Disco Queen.  Shocked by Joanne's scintillating performance at the 1978 Christmas Party, Victoria became fearful that Joanne would replace her.  Victoria need not have worried, but for reasons I will never understand, Victoria chose the wrong fork in the road to keep me bound to her.  Victoria refused to tolerate Joanne's imminent threat to her throne, so Joanne had to go.  Joanne's expulsion led to a fascinating Twist of Fate.  Banishing Joanne from the studio is what sent her in exile to the Western clubs.  Without Victoria's cruelty, I would have had no one to help me when Sandy made her phone call.  Kind of strange how that worked out, huh?  This startling coincidence is yet another reason why I felt Fate was involved in my Western career every step of the way. 

Joanne rescued me at one of the most crucial points of my life and I will always be grateful.  That said, I worry how her life turned out.  When I first met Joanne, she was so achingly vulnerable I took her under my wing because I thought she needed my help.  So much for good intentions.  The next thing I knew, I was aghast when Victoria turned Joanne's world into a waking nightmare.  However, despite her disappointment, Joanne remained my friend.  Joanne was a good woman.  Despite the times I failed her, in the end she was still willing to help.  Considering Joanne had so much more decency than Victoria, she deserved better.  For this reason, I have never stopped feeling great regret where Joanne is concerned. 

 
 

If you think Fate is all a bunch of hogwash, I will not get my feelings hurt if you dismiss my far-fetched theories.  But please don't use that as a reason to skip the book.  It is chock full of some truly remarkable stories.  You may not come away convinced that Fate exists, but at least you will begin to understand how I arrived at my strange conclusions. 

Another reason is to explain how I came to believe in Fate and why I feel a better understanding is important.  Not surprisingly, I have given this issue a lot of thought.  On a practical level, I suppose if more people were firmly convinced they operate under Divine Surveillance, I imagine the threat of punishment would produce a universal improvement in behavior.  As ye sow, so shall ye reap. 

On a spiritual level, I think people would pay more attention to the teachings of Jesus.  Love thy neighbor.  Show respect to God.

A belief in Fate makes it easier to accept God's Will when it runs directly contrary to our own wishes.  Over the course of my life I have become an admirer of Silver Linings.  For example, it was incredibly difficult to accept my dismissal from Graduate School.  Little did I suspect the valuable (and painful) lessons I gained in Graduate School would serve me very effectively when my true career appeared. 

People will of course object to the thought that we are not completely in control of our own lives.  Although I cannot be sure, my instinct suggests we do have Free Will, but with an asterisk.  I believe certain things are going to happen to us during the course of our lives and there is not a thing we can do to prevent it.  At this point, it becomes our responsibility to decide what to do about it and to ask if there is a lesson to be learned.  A good example would be my abject failure on my 'Can't Miss' project.  Basically, I needed a serious attitude adjustment.  Once I realized who is really in charge, I became a better person and my life has been nothing but wonderful. 

On a personal note, I find comfort in the belief that the Destiny of Man is in the hands of a Higher Power.  Whenever I despair of monsters such as Hitler, Saddam, and Putin who walk the earth, I remind myself there is more to this world than meets the eye. 

Marla, my wife, does not like the concept of Fate because she thinks people will use it as an excuse.  Let me offer an example.  Very few people know that my studio was born of scandal 40 years ago.  Without going into detail, I did something wrong I regret to this day.  However, at the same time, typical of Silver Linings, without that scandal, there would be no SSQQ. 

It bothers Marla that I say my mistake was caused by the Force of Fate.  Marla thinks I use Fate to deal with my guilt.  Trust me, we have some very interesting conversations.  From my perspective, this Debate goes straight to the Mystery of Life. 

 
 


SUBCHAPTER 709 - OBSERVATION 78
 
 

Rick Archer's Footnote:

As my story unfolds, it will become apparent why having sex with Victoria that night was a terrible mistake.  Let me add that Victoria's self-destructive behavior led to the greatest mystery of my life.  When I say I have spent my entire life thinking about it, I am completely serious.  If I had the sense to keep my pants on that night, I think my life would have been a lot easier.  Hers too.

Unfortunately, I did not keep my pants on.  One would think I would have seen the dangers and been more careful before proceeding, but such was not the case.  The way I saw it, I was trapped by my own words.  I told Victoria I would enter a relationship only if she left her husband, and so she did.  Checkmate.  Assuming I had lost Jennifer for good, nothing really mattered at this point.  Locked in a state of grief over Jennifer's loss, I did not give a single thought to bypassing the deed as Victoria wordlessly took her clothes off.  I participated simply because Victoria made it clear this is what she wanted. 

Certain Jennifer would never forgive me, I saw no reason to object or postpone if this is what Victoria wanted to do.  My thoughts were 'Jennifer's gone, Michael knows why she's here, I'm stuck with Victoria whether I like it or not, so if this is what she wants, then what difference does it make?  Let's get it over with.'

My first clue that this was a colossal mistake did not come until we finished.  That is when Victoria let out a banshee wail.  Screaming "What have I done?", Victoria burst into forlorn tears.  I was shocked at how raw her pain was.  Seeing Victoria in agony, I wondered why she insisted on doing this in the first place.  For the first time I realized Victoria had hidden her deep feelings for Michael from me... and probably from herself as well.  Crying in pain as the feelings she had for Michael came flooding back in, I shook my head in disgust.  Victoria had to be out of her mind to senselessly destroy a marriage that deep down she knew was a perfect union.  If ever there was a woman who begged for a 'take back', that was Victoria in this moment. 

I was flabbergasted by her reaction.  I knew I did not want to do this, but to learn Victoria didn't want to do it either was a real eye opener.  To my dismay I realized Victoria was just as reluctant to do this as I was.  In essence, we had both committed this act against our better judgment.  In that moment, I felt deceived by Victoria.  My sense of being tricked worsened at 6 am the morning when Victoria raced home to take over her daughter's supervision from Michael. Realizing this hand-off had been prearranged, my mouth dropped open in shock.  I had originally thought Victoria's appearance was just some crazy, impulsive act.  Now I sensed that Michael and Victoria must have had some kind of discussion regarding Victoria's decision to come to my house.

What on earth could Victoria have said?

"Michael, Rick has a new girlfriend.  He said this is my last chance to pursue a relationship.  Do you mind if I run over to his house tonight and see him?  I promise to be back in the morning."

What on earth could Michael have said?

"Okay, Victoria, if you need to go see Rick that badly, be my guest.  But don't forget to be back here by 6:30 am to watch Stephanie."

What husband in his right mind gives his blessing to an Affair that will likely destroy his marriage?  This drama was not about me, this was about Victoria and Michael.  It was just my lousy luck to be dragged into this.   Or was it bad luck?   To be honest, as I watched Victoria's car turn the corner, the first thought to cross my mind was that this had been a Fated event. 

 

I am in awe of God.  All thoughts of God put me into a state of wonder.  I cannot conceive of a Being so powerful that He can create an entire Universe.  Due to my intense preoccupation with God, many times I have asked myself where God came from.  Who created God?

The scientists and materialists say that no one created God.  God does not exist.  Okay, perhaps, but then how did the Universe come into being?  The bottom line is Believers cannot prove that God exists, but Disbelievers cannot prove that God does not exist.  So I decided to do things my way.  In an attempt to seek meaning in my life, I sought to find evidence that there is more to this world than meets the eye.  During that search, I came across a remarkable book, Autobiography of a Yogi written by Paramahansa Yogananda.  This book not only affirmed the existence of God, it described an amazing Universe full of beings and dimensions that remain hidden from our senses.  In addition, the book claimed that Reincarnation is a fact of life and that Karma is an immutable law that governs us all. 

If what the book said was true, I concluded everyone's life is guided by Fate.  However, I was not willing to take the author's word for it.  I wanted evidence!  To me, the existence of Fate implied a meaningful order to things.  The concept of Fate was so profound that it defied explanation the same way the existence of God defies explanation.  I could accept evolution.  It made sense how the existence of oxygen and water gave rise to microorganisms that gave rise to the animal kingdom and so on.  However, I could not accept that something as complicated as Fate could be explained by the laws of Physics or Evolution. 

To me, Fate could not have occurred by random chance.  The existence of Fate implied a wisdom so immense that only a God could design it.  Therefore in my search for God, I dedicated my life to finding examples indicative of Fate.  To my great satisfaction, I had no trouble finding all sorts of curious situations that seemed out of the ordinary.  Although none of these events by themselves proved that Fate exists, after a while the sheer totality of these weird events had a way of making a believer out of me. 

 

In my life, my search for God has been shaped by three key events.  The first was my strange meeting with Mrs. Ballantyne in the grocery store parking lot (#14 on my Observation List, 1968).  Her mysterious appearance at such a desperate moment affected me so deeply that it opened my mind to the possibility of miracles.  My interest in the Autobiography of a Yogi followed soon after. 

The second event was my first dance class, the Karmic Test of Fire (#30 on my List, 1974).  At this point in my life, I already believed in Fate.  Therefore I paid careful attention to the many curious aspects surrounding my sudden interest in learning to dance.  With an eye to Fate, I concluded God must really want me to take these dance lessons.  'Why' I did not know, but I got the message loud and clear.  Without the slightest idea what was in store for me, I wandered around taking dance classes for three years.  Try to imagine how amazed I was when my mysterious interest resulted in an accidental dance career.  Convinced I had followed a predestined Path, I became even more certain that Fate exists. 

And now we come to Twisted Casablanca, the third experience.  In order to explain how my Affair with Victoria turned into Mystical exploration, I wish to share a deeply personal experience.  Two months earlier, I had made a solemn vow to honor Victoria's marriage.  On the day Darya and Victoria had been laughing at the poolside over Darya's affair with the football coach, I was so disgusted I swore I would never have sex with Victoria. 

My father abandoned me at age 10 due to an affair.  Many of my problems growing up were related to my father turning his back on me.  The memory was so painful I promised I would never put Victoria's child through the same thing.  At that moment, I staked my code of honor on not having an affair with Victoria.  However, I was unsure I had the strength to resist temptation.  I feared my desire for Victoria was so great, I would eventually give in.  At this moment, a small voice suggested an Affair with Victoria was inevitable.  "No!!", I shouted.  I said it so loudly Darla and Victoria must have heard me.  Unwilling to trust my willpower, in that moment I turned to God.  I rarely make a prayer, but I feared I could resist Victoria if she caught me off guard.  Sparks can turn into flames. 

"God, I do not want to have an Affair with Victoria.  In my heart, I think it is wrong.  Not only have I reached the conclusion that Victoria is not the right woman for me, I believe these strange dance accidents are a sign you do not approve of our relationship.  However, I fear temptation will overwhelm me.  Therefore I am making a sacred vow to You that I wish to avoid making this mistake.  I could really use your help in this matter."
 

So what was God's answer?  To be honest, I don't know if it was God who answered or just my imagination, but a vision of Oedipus crossed my mind's eye.  I froze on the spot.  To me, the appearance of this vision hinted that the Affair would probably happen anyway.  If so, this would mean I was not in control.  Frightened, I asked myself a question.  Do I have Free Will or don't I?  Who exactly is running this show, me or Fate?

The story of Oedipus deals with Man's Will versus God's Will.  When Oedipus was first told of the prophesy that he would marry his mother, he was repelled by the idea.  Oedipus instantly swore he would never cooperate with this forbidden act.  However, blinded by the Gods, Oedipus did indeed marry his true mother under mysterious circumstances.

Imagine his horror when Oedipus finally discovered the truth.  Shocked to find he had made love to his own mother, Oedipus exploded in rage.  Oedipus had sworn this would never happen, but he had been tricked into breaking his oath.  Oedipus was so consumed with guilt over his forbidden love, he grabbed a stake and blinded himself. 

At the thought of Oedipus here by the poolside, I got angry.  I set my jaw and begged God a second time not to let this Affair happen.  Do you think I am kidding?  No!  I repeated my wishes. 

"God, I do not want to have an Affair with Victoria!  I am determined to do everything in my power to avoid it."
 

I am embarrassed to admit I had the nerve to argue with God, but that is exactly what I did.  To my relief, in that moment, I noticed my desire for Victoria disappeared.  Pleased to discover my resolve had returned, I smiled and thanked God for answering my prayer.  The crisis had passed.  Then came the Victoria's Karate Chop.  The Dance Curse convinced me than ever that God did not Victoria and I together.  That thought was further reinforced by Jennifer's appearance in my life.  Ah, here is the woman God wants me to have.  Wonderful!  At this point, all I wanted was for Victoria to patch things up with Michael and set me free.  Yes, it was true that I was having trouble getting Victoria to let go of me, but the thought of having an Affair with Victoria was so remote that I ceased to worry. 

Fast forward to Twisted Casablanca.  The moment we finished having sex, Victoria was paralyzed with guilt.  Struck by the depth of her remorse, take a quick guess what thought crossed my mind.   Oedipus.  At the thought of Oedipus, I could not help but recall the question I had asked... 'Do I have Free Will or don't I?  Who exactly is running this show, me or Fate?' 

With a deep sense of irony, I suppose I had my answer.  I had vowed to prevent this from happening and it happened anyway.  I shook my head in dismay over my failure.  I was so upset that I demanded an explanation how this could happen when I was dead set against it.  For crying out loud, I had no desire to make love to Victoria, but did it anyway.  It would have been effortless to walk away.  So how could I be so stupid?  Victoria could not seduce me, so she had to trick me instead into thinking she was serious about living with me. 

Immediately I began to wonder why my common sense had deserted me at such a key moment.  Why had no memory of my vow flashed across my mind BEFORE we had sex only to return AFTERWARDS?  I shook my head in wonder.  Now I knew how Oedipus felt.  I felt like someone had blinded me.  That was the only way this could have ever happened.  Bitter and upset, I searched for a reason why my judgment had seemingly been removed.  This had to be Destiny.  No other explanation would satisfy me. 

 
Strangely enough, I think Victoria thought the same thing.  Even more remarkable, she reached this conclusion independently.  I base this conclusion on Victoria's unusual Destiny letter.  One paragraph in particular suggests Victoria was equally suspicious that something very weird, something inexplicable, had taken place.

"I know too that our relationship hasn't always been easy, but I have always felt that our being together was Destiny.  It's like no matter what happens, the Universe keeps pushing me in your direction and I can't seem to let go of you." 

 

Considering I had already reached the conclusion that our union was Destiny, I was shocked to learn we both thought the same thing.  Unfortunately, after reading this letter, I was unable to discuss the issue in person.  To this day, I wish we had.  I would love to know Victoria's take on the strange events surrounding our relationship. 

As I have said repeatedly, Victoria's obsession with me made absolutely no sense when viewed Realistically.  Victoria said so herself.  From the moment she handed me her List of my shortcomings back in July, Victoria pointed out that I came in second to her husband on every criteria important to her.  That List was a real eye-opener because it revealed that Victoria already knew she had to be crazy to consider swapping Michael for me.   Any yet she did it anyway only to regret her actions the moment it was over. 

In my search for answers, this was the moment when I first developed my theory of Cosmic Stupidity.  Yes, I have Victoria's strange behavior to thank for this idea.  The more I thought about it, the only possible way I could reconcile Victoria throwing away a good marriage was to to believe Victoria had been blinded by some sort of spell.  And obviously I had been blinded as well.  How else could I forget my sacred vow when it counted most?

The hallmark feature of Cosmic Stupidity is unexplainable foolishness.  We all know of at least one story where a typically intelligent person does something uncharacteristically destructive, then wonders what went wrong.  The utter senselessness of their decision is so vast that they spend the rest of their life wondering how they could have ever been so stupid.  My favorite example would be Captain Smith, a man with 50 years of nautical experience.  Despite being the mostly highly respected Captain in the Cunard fleet, Smith drove the Titanic full speed into a known ice field with no visibility.  Explain that.

 

Another example would be Victoria.  Here was a woman who quite frankly knew she was nuts to sacrifice a fine marriage in pursuit of a man who repeatedly asked her to back off.  Not only that, Victoria strongly valued financial security.  Why would she throw it all away for a dance teacher on the verge of unemployment and few resources?

It does not make a bit of sense, does it?  To this day, Victoria's senseless decision remains the greatest mystery of my life.  Her decision made no sense in 1979 and it still makes no sense forty years later as I write.   They say that Love does not have to make sense.  Maybe so, but has it ever occurred to anyone there might be a Mystical reason why Love does not make sense? 

They say 'Love is Blind'.  'Blind', of course, is the key word in Cosmic Stupidity.  Blind to the truth like Oedipus.  If it is true that we reincarnate with people we have known before, it is for the purpose of working out past Karma.  In this case, we are acting out themes developed in past lives.  In order for people to connect in pursuit of their Fate, they fall in love with a certain person.  It does not matter that everyone around them is mystified by the attraction, these two are meant for each other for better or, well, you get the point.  And so they begin to work out their Karma.  When I say that Victoria was out of her mind, MAYBE THAT WAS HER FATE.  I believe Victoria was blinded by Cosmic Stupidity.  I cannot prove a bit of this, but I am convinced it is true.  'Love is Blind' is the only explanation that has ever explained Victoria's self-destructive behavior to my satisfaction.

I had successfully resisted Victoria for an entire year.  We had been alone together so many times it was ridiculous.  I had passed on every single opportunity because I knew right from wrong.  In the yearlong Timeline leading up to Doorstep Night, I went through every day believing I had the free will to resist Victoria, but then...boom!... out of nowhere I ended up going through with an Affair I swore would never happen. 

Previously I blamed Victoria for her deceit.  Now I wasn't so sure.  Perhaps this adventure was not Victoria's fault after all.  Maybe Victoria was just as much an unwitting pawn of Destiny as me.  Jennifer as well.  And yes, Michael had been treated unfairly, but maybe this was his Fate as well. 

Due to a preposterous set of circumstances, I had behaved little better than a preprogrammed lemming jumping off a cliff to its death.  I had mindlessly cooperated with Victoria's decision to have sex.  Not one warning ever crossed my mind.  Not once did it ever occur to me I had a choice in the matter.  What could explain my transformation into a mindless zombie?  This was the moment I began to believe in Cosmic Stupidity. 

To me, the Affair I participated in felt like a violation of my Free Will.  Did I have the liberty to make my own choice?  Somehow I doubted it.  Now that I had walked in the shoes of Oedipus, 'Free Will' might very well be an illusion.  I had no way to determine the extent, but I was convinced at least some part of everyone's life was subject to the laws of predestination.

At best, I had Free Will most of the time, but definitely not all the time.  Everyone is happy when we win the lottery or we meet our dreamy soul mate for the first time.  It's a Wonderful Life!  I definitely appreciated my accidental dance career.  However, Predestination was not much fun when I got myself thrown out of graduate school and ended up in bed with another man's wife. 

It is frightening to fear something is going to happen and yet be powerless to prevent it from happening.  On the other hand, if it is meant to be, then I have no choice in the matter.  The ancient Greeks were convinced their lives were completely at the mercy of the Gods.  I felt the same way.  If there is Destiny, this implies certain things are going to happen regardless and I have no choice but to accept my Fate and deal with it as best I can. 

 

As John Lennon once put it, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."  If I was to believe what Yogananda said about Karma and Reincarnation, several things would happen to me in this life regardless of my own will.  After that, I had the Free Will to decide what to do about it. 

Based on my Sunday meditation, I concluded my Affair was meant to be.  That did not mean I was happy about it.  On the contrary, I was very upset.  No matter what I did, I could not seem to get rid of this woman.  Therefore, Victoria was my Karma, there was no longer any doubt about it, so I might as well get used to having her around.  If Victoria was my Fate, from now on I would deal with her as best I could.

Was it possible to see my relationship with Victoria through to a positive conclusion?  To be honest, I really had no idea how much Free Will I was given.  Clearly I did not possess total Free Will.  So was it zero?  25%?  50%?  Who knows.  I usually felt like I had Free Will, but when weird stuff started happening, then maybe not. 

No matter what the extent of my Free Will, the only way I could make my life work was to operate under the assumption that I was in control at all times.  I would live every day using the rules I had come to accept as 'Reality'.  Eat right, exercise, put my seat belt on, trust the merits of hard work, good will and delayed gratification.  I would make my own decisions, but accept that sometimes God or Fate would change them.  If a situation popped up that struck me as another Fated Situation, then I would use whatever Free Will I had to deal with it as best I could. 

'Fate does not ask you what you want.  Fate knows what is best even if you don't.'
 
 
 

Nevertheless, at the end of four years, I owned the largest dance studio in Houston.  At the end of twenty-four years, I owned the largest independent studio in America.  How did I pull off such an unlikely feat?  Luck.  The one thing I remember is that I kept getting lucky.  I mean... really lucky.  At the very start of my teaching career, I received a half-dozen mind-bending lucky breaks.  Each break was completely random.  I never asked for these opportunities.  I became a success because lucky breaks kept getting handed to me out of the blue. 

Mind you, there was always a price to pay.  Each opportunity came with a crisis attached.  I nearly went mad with anxiety because I was out of my league.  It wasn't like I knew what I was doing.  But I had to try, right?  Whenever a door opened, I stumbled through and did the best I could.  To my surprise, each time I succeeded... barely.  And what was my reward?  I was handed another opportunity complete with another crisis attached. 

The funny thing about the Magic Carpet Ride is that most of the time I was too busy to understand what was going on.  It wasn't like I knew I would be successful.  In fact, at one point I was convinced my career was over.  That is when something truly weird happened.  Just when I thought it was over, suddenly everything I touched turned to gold.  I could do no wrong.  After the dust settled from my whirlwind series of lucky breaks and narrow escapes, one day I looked around and I was shocked to realize I was the proud owner of the largest dance studio in Houston.  This was a complete surprise.   I knew the studio had been doing well, but I was too busy to realize the actual magnitude of my accomplishment until now.  My first reaction was to take credit.  Wow!  Look what I did!  Yes, indeed, I patted myself on the back.  I was full of pride.  "Good job, Rick!  You outsmarted them all and outworked them too."

At this point, I was very full of myself.  However, that did not last long.  A shadow of doubt crossed my mind.  The more I thought about it, my accomplishment made no sense.  I knew my dance students gave me all the credit, but deep down I knew better.  My inner self was convinced there was no way I could have done this on my own.  I was the only who knew just how preposterous my accomplishment was.  Indeed, considering all the handicaps I had to overcome and all the gambles that had broken just right for me, I could not have done this alone.  At this moment, I had an 'Awakening'.  Everything that had taken place during these past years took on a complete new appearance.  With a sigh, I realized there was no possible way I had the talent to create SSQQ on my own. 

I took all my extraordinary strokes of fortune and laid them down side by side.  I gasped as a clear pattern emerged.  For the past seven years, I had stumbled through life with blinders on.  Now that I looked back, it seemed that I had been following a well-designed Path the entire time.  It was hard to believe in coincidence, but it was much harder to believe in anything else. 

At this point, I concluded that I had been given the benefit of supernatural help.  If so, then this dance studio was my Destiny. 

 
 
 


MARIA BALLANTYNE:  SOUL MATES
 

Book Six tells the story of Maria Ballantyne, the woman who gave me the strength to continue during my Darkest Hour back in high school.  Book Six is a five chapter detour from my 1978 Magic Carpet Ride narrative.  I am sharing Mrs. Ballantyne's saga because her story strikes me as one of the most powerful demonstrations of Fate I have ever come across.  

I believe I knew Maria Ballantyne from a previous lifetime.  Hopefully after you read what I have to say, you will understand why I came to believe this.  That said, you may have reservations about my reference to Reincarnation.  If so, just as I ask forgiveness for my certainty regarding the existence of God, I ask for a similar forgiveness concerning the concept of Reincarnation.  If you consider the idea to be nonsense, that is okay by me.  However, I hope you will not mind if I indulge my belief for a brief moment to state my piece.  

In Eastern Religion, Karma is the record of a person's actions in this lifetime as well as previous states of existence.  Karma decrees each person will be rewarded or punished in this life or a future reincarnation according to one's deeds in the previous incarnation.  This Cosmic Principle is used to explain why some people appear to be more fortunate than others.  As ye sow, so shall ye reap. 

As part of our Karma, we are said to reincarnate with people, i.e. souls, we have known before.  In this way, we are able to work out differences from the past.  Or we can enjoy the companionship of an old friend who has returned to share our adventures in this lifetime.  

 There were two people during my childhood with whom I believe I shared a Karmic relationship.  One was Maria Ballantyne.  The other was E.K. Salls, my German teacher for my first three years of high school and Headmaster in my Senior year.

 

The great blessing of my childhood was my St. John's education.  Considered the finest academic school in Houston, the lessons received from my gifted instructors have served me well.  That said, if there was one person who did not 'fit in' at St. John's, that would be me.

St. John's was very expensive.  Although I deeply appreciated the scholarship that allowed me to attend this exclusive private school, the gulf between my status and that of my privileged classmates was vast indeed.  My mother could barely keep a job following her 1959 divorce.  When she had a job, our economic level was lower Middle Class.  When she didn't have a job, we would move to a cheaper apartment to avoid paying back rent.  This is when we would join the Lower Class.  Although I never went without a meal, there were many nights spent without gas, electricity or water.  Meanwhile I was competing against the sons and daughters from the cream of society.  Academically I held my own, but socially I took a beating. 

The moment I first saw Maria Ballantyne in the 4th Grade, I fixated on her in an unusual way.  Considering I had lost confidence in my forlorn mother, I was very drawn to Mrs. Ballantyne.  I longed to have a superior mother like her.  Maybe if I stared at her long enough, some of her confidence and guidance would rub off on me.  It never did, but I continued to study her anyway for nine years.  The funny thing is, not once she notice me.  Nine years in a small school and not once did our paths cross.  I find that very curious. 

In the 9th Grade, I met E.K. Salls, Charlie Salls to his friends.  Mr. Salls was my German teacher for three years.  In a manner similar to Mrs. Ballantyne, I fixated on him as well.  Not as a father figure, but rather as a role model.  I deeply admired Mr. Salls for his brilliant teaching ability.  The funny thing is, not once did we have a private conversation.  It was strictly business with Mr. Salls, an imposing, taciturn man. 

In my Senior year of high school, my distant heroes stepped forward to provide incredible acts of kindness.  Having been promoted to Headmaster, Mr. Salls secretly arranged a full scholarship to college.  He was so clever at concealing his actions, I never had any idea he was responsible.  It was not until Mrs. Ballantyne revealed the truth 40 years later that I learned Mr. Salls liked me and had been watching out for me the entire time. 

As for Mrs. Ballantyne, she had no idea I worshipped the ground she walked on.  Please do not jump to the wrong conclusion.  Due to my deep respect for this woman, I never once approached her in nine years.  Instead I reserved a place in my mind to place her on a pedestal and left it at that.  To my surprise... and shock... towards the end of my Senior year, Mrs. Ballantyne appeared out of nowhere to rescue me from a serious state of depression. 

During high school, I had no idea that I was linked to Mr. Salls and Mrs. Ballantyne in a mysterious way.  Fortunately, through interviews with Mrs. Ballantyne and Kim Salls, the son of Mr. Salls, the Big Picture came into focus.  What I discovered was very surprising. 

Imagine my fascination the day I learned both of my heroes came from hardscrabble beginnings just like I did.  In fact, I daresay both Mr. Salls and Mrs. Ballantyne may have had it even tougher than I did.  That raised an interesting question.  I knew I did not belong at St. John's, so what about them?  What on earth were all three of us doing in a place like St. John's, enclave to the sons and daughters of Texas oilmen and financial titans? 

Mrs. Ballantyne once told me her children believed they were the poorest kids at St. John's.  Considering my own problems, that comment tickled me.  Nevertheless, I knew where their sentiment came from.  St. John's was the Land of the Über-Rich, wealthiest of the wealthy.  So what on earth are three people who grew up dirt poor doing here?  Considering our distinctly non-Patrician upbringing, none of us could have imagined a place like St. John's in our future. Furthermore, since we preferred to keep the problems of our past under wraps, it is interesting how the three of us were powerfully drawn to each other before we even knew we shared a common bond.  This is why I concluded the three of us formed a distinct Karmic Triangle. 


 
 

What is a Karmic Relationship?  Hindu teachings speak of souls who have developed special relationships in previous lifetimes and choose to continue their relationship in this lifetime.  Since our memory of previous lifetimes is erased at birth, the problem is how to recognize these special people in a current lifetime.  In my case, I was mysteriously drawn to Mrs. Ballantyne and Mr. Salls long before their Acts of Kindness in my Senior year.  From the moment I met them, I could not take my eyes off either person.  I had to watch them, study them, figure out why they were important to me.  Imagine my surprise when Mrs. Ballantyne revealed Mr. Salls had been just as interested in me as I had been in him.  For that matter, imagine my surprise the day my longtime nomination for the world's Finest Mother showed up to help in the middle of my crisis.  Even more surprising was Mrs. Ballantyne's snap decision to drop everything she was doing to guide a troubled kid out of danger.

There is no way to predict when Soul Mates will meet.  But when it happens, you will recognize that person in a way that probably makes no sense.  Your instinct will know this person is special even though the reason may not be obvious at first.  A Soul Mate may be with you for a long time such as a parent or spouse.  Or a Soul Mate may show up for a brief time, deliver a message or perform an invaluable service, then move on.  Either way, a Soul Mate is Unforgettable.  Trust me, I will never forget Charlie Salls or Maria Ballantyne. 

I believe the three of us are Soul Mates, three people who have met before.  I was well aware of my personal interest in both people, but it was not till much later that I realized they were best friends in their private lives.  That bond is what completed our Triangle.  I have a hunch they were drawn to each other in much the same way as I was drawn to them.  I would love to know how they discovered they shared a similar past.  Considering their childhood difficulties, I would also love to know if thoughts of Fate ever crossed their minds to reach such a lofty status in life.  Unfortunately, as the junior member of the partnership, both of my friends passed away before I could find the courage to ask such a personal question.  However, there was one thing I could do to repay them for their kindness.  I vowed to make them part of my book.  I wrote extensively about Mr. Salls in Book One.  Now in Book Six I turn to Mrs. Ballantyne.   

 
 


BOOK SIX:  RICK'S RESPECT FOR MARIA BALLANTYNE
 

I first spotted Mrs. Ballantyne in the 4th Grade.  Brand new to this school, I developed a fascination with the socialites who gathered in the Commons Room every afternoon for tea.  From the moment I saw Mrs. Ballantyne, I was mesmerized by her confidence and presence.  She was the most dynamic, charismatic woman I had ever seen in my life. 

There were different circles of conversations, but it did not take me long to figure out the largest circle always belonged to this one lady.  Mrs. Ballantyne's leadership was so apparent that I watched her every chance I got.  At this same time, my recently-divorced mother had remarried the first man she found, an ex-con no less who ended up beating her.  My mother was falling to pieces at the same time my father abandoned me to chase his mistress.  I was a really scared kid.  Every time I saw this exceptional lady, I would stare at her in open-mouthed hero worship and wish I could have had a mother like that.  It was pathetic just how much I longed to have a mother like her to reassure me.

Oddly enough, I never knew the lady's name.  All I knew was that I liked to watch her in action.  That changed in the 7th Grade.  There was this new girl in my class named Katina Ballantyne.  One morning I saw Katina get out of her car along with several brothers and sisters.  Then a woman got out of the car to give Katina and her sister some instructions.  When I looked to see who Katina's mother was, I surprised to see it was the same lady I watched all the time in the Commons Room.  I finally had a name to go with the face.  She was 'Mrs. Ballantyne' from that point on.

Mrs. Ballantyne never noticed me.  I do not recall ever making eye contact with her which was kind of odd considering St. John's is not a large school.  I would pass Mrs. Ballantyne in the hall and she would look straight through me as if I wasn't there.  She wasn't rude, mind you, she just didn't notice me.  I took it in stride.  I was invisible to a lot of people at my school.

Mrs. Ballantyne was an attractive woman of great bearing, 5' 4" in height, medium build.  She had dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a dark olive complexion that gave her a suntanned Mediterranean appearance.  No surprise there.  After all, she was Greek by heritage.  Mrs. Ballantyne was not slender nor was she heavy.  Considering her seven children were all star athletes, it is probably no accident that Mrs. Ballantyne appeared sturdy and robust. 

 

One of the things that struck me as odd was that I noticed her all the time.  I would guess our paths crossed roughly three times a week stretched over nine years.  It seemed to me like Mrs. Ballantyne must live at the school.  After I met Katina, one day I asked why her mother was here all the time.  Katina told me her family had seven children at the school, more than any other family.  I was astonished.  Now it made sense.  Not only was she constantly shuttling seven children back and forth, she attended their after-school activities as well.  Rather than go home, it was easier to stick around and share afternoon coffee and tea with the other SJS mothers. 

From that point on, whenever I noticed the Mother's Guild gather in the Commons Room, the first thing I did was look for this lady.  Even if I had only a few minutes left to get to my next class, I would risk being late just so I could watch Mrs. Ballantyne in action a little longer.  Everything seemed to revolve around her.  Over time I thought I detected a difference between Mrs. Ballantyne and the other women.  For one thing, she seemed very down to earth.  She smiled a lot and radiated warmth.  I liked the way she laughed and took charge.

It seemed to me Mrs. Ballantyne was most socially gifted person I had ever come across.  She exuded confidence.  Warm and outgoing, Mrs. Ballantyne struck me as the go-to lady at every one of these afternoon Power Conclaves.  As far as I was concerned, with all those other women buzzing around her, Mrs. Ballantyne was the Queen Bee.

 

Mrs. Ballantyne seemed to know everyone.  She was a social dynamo of the highest order.  It also struck me as unusual that Mrs. Ballantyne was the only 'mother' I ever noticed.  After all, there were at least 50 different women who floated in and out of these circles, but none of the other women made the slightest impression on me.  Mrs. Ballantyne stood alone.  I understood why I was so star-struck.  I needed a mother, plain and simple.  My life would be so much easier if I just had a woman like her in my corner.  If I had to pick someone to be my mother, it was going to be Mrs. Ballantyne. 

Through the grapevine, I learned she had a reputation as someone who got things done.  I suppose Mrs. Ballantyne used reason, charm and persuasion to accomplish her projects.  However, Mrs. Ballantyne was also rumored to be strong-willed.  It was said she could be very controlling at times, even forceful.  One day I used my invisibility cloak to overhear Katina talking to a girlfriend about her mother's iron will.  There had been a fierce argument between Mrs. Ballantyne and one of Katina's sisters concerning a young man the sister was dating.  I think the lad was six or seven years older and Mrs. Ballantyne did not approve at all.  In her opinion the young man was much too old for her daughter.  The daughter, strong-willed like her mother, completely disagreed.  The ensuing battle led to considerable thunder and lightning in the Ballantyne home.  Katina was almost trembling as she told the story. 

This story convinced me Mrs. Ballantyne had a sledge hammer in her tool kit in addition to her assortment of persuasive charms.  No surprise there.  I am not quite sure how else one accomplishes things in life without asserting one's will when necessary.  That is why some people are called 'leaders'.  I decided I never wanted to cross swords with this woman.  It crushes me to say this, but the contrast between this dynamic woman and my struggling mother broke my heart.  Why couldn't I have a mother like the one Katina had?
 

Following our wonderful Cinderella-style encounter, the thought of losing Marla made me sick in my stomach.  Aren't Fairy Tales supposed to have happy endings?  Maybe so, but my intuition insisted there was trouble ahead.  My eyes said the same thing.  Disheartened by the ominous look on Marla's face as we parted at 7 am and alarmed by her subsequent disappearance at lunchtime, my confidence was slipping fast.  On the other hand, even if my fears came true, all was not lost.  People often do dumb things like Quit in the name of Fate.  They develop a fatalistic attitude and conclude that since all outcomes are inevitable, why bother to fight.

That is a crummy attitude.  On a day to day basis, I follow the accepted Rules of Reality just like everyone else.  Even though I firmly believe in Fate, I ALWAYS act as if I control my own Destiny.  To begin with, I don't know that ALL events are Fated.  That's a question far above my understanding.  My suspicion is that we have Free Will to make up our own minds most of the time.  I had no idea whether the outcome of my relationship with Marla was in my hands or not, but either way, I intended to act under the assumption that I was in charge.  We all know the surest way to fail is to give up and I had no intention of doing so.  Marla was too important.  

Once upon a time, I was in love with a girl named Katie.  For our first date, we came to a dance event in separate cars.  Unfortunately, everything that could go wrong did go wrong.  It was my observation that Katie was not impressed with me enough to take this much further.  Filled with despair, I decided it was hopeless.  When Katie wasn't looking, I left the building.  I should have known better.  Quitters never win.  Afterwards, I hated myself for making such a rash move.  The regret I felt was unbearable.  It took two years to put that mistake behind me.  I thought about Katie nearly every day.  That is how upset I was.  But I did learn a valuable lesson.  If it is important, don't quit.  From that point on, I developed a better attitude.  "The Harder I work, the Luckier I get."  I cannot begin to guess the number of rough spots I survived during the Magic Carpet Ride thanks to that attitude.  I believe things happen for a reason.  Perhaps I was meant to fail with Katie.  If so, the lesson I learned was responsible for my uncanny success further down the road. 

Years later I was taught a different lesson.  The second lesson said that no matter how hard I work, I might fail anyway.  40 years after Katie, I accepted a business offer that carried a 99% chance of success.  Despite making every move necessary to guarantee the desired outcome, I failed miserably.  How does anyone fail with a 99% chance of success?  Interesting you should ask.  At the time, I asked the same question.  I did not fail for normal reasons such as lackadaisical effort.  No, I gave it my best effort.  It was not that I failed, it was HOW I failed.  I failed under highly curious circumstances.  Things went wrong that ordinarily would not have occurred.  It took a while for the shock to wear off, but one day an important thought came to me.  The lesson I learned is that Fortune is Fickle.  When it comes to Fate, Hard Work and Talent are no guarantees of success.  Thanks to that message, I came to believe there will be times when we are meant to fail.  No matter how great our desire, no matter how promising the opportunity, ultimately no amount of talent and hard work can overcome Supernatural misfortune.  Athletes are aware of this.  As an example, one injury at a key time changes everything.

'Misfortune', of course, is my code word for Fate.  Even if I work as hard as I can and even if I have the ability to make it happen, I have come to understand I still might fail.  Every adventure carries with it an intangible factor known as Luck.  Why else would the Vikings sacrifice a valuable horse to Odin before a major battle?  Because deep down everyone suspects important outcomes are decided by a higher power, so best to curry favor in advance.

As I awaited the outcome of Marla's decision, my belief in Cosmic Blindness was the major difference between the Katie situation and the Marla situation.  My mistake with Katie took place during the Lost Years.  Although I believed in Fate, I had not yet arrived at the theory of Cosmic Blindness.  With Marla, I was thinking Cosmic Blindness from the moment we sat down at the bar in the Disco.  20 minutes into the conversation, I noticed Marla had just begun to develop a strong interest in me.  She was smiling, she was nodding in agreement, there was a twinkle in her eye I had never seen before.  It was exactly as if someone had just turned on the light switch.  Considering I had spent the past six months trying to get her attention without any luck, it crossed my mind that Blinders had just been removed.  This Coincidence suggested there may have been a Cosmic purpose to Marla's six months of indifference.   

In other words, with Katie I paid no attention to the possibility that Fate was involved.  Consequently I overreacted when things did not go my way and made the mistake of leaving.  But with Marla, I had good reason to believe her Cosmic Blindness is what had kept us apart until the time was right.  Since Fate was involved, I cautioned myself not to overreact when confronted by warning signs. 

Marla's sudden attack of Cold Feet felt like a Second Chance Test to see if I had learned my lesson from the Katie failure.  It was God's way of letting me use the insights gained from the Katie mishap to do better with Marla.  What I am getting at is the possibility that God deliberately Tests us.  As Helen Keller put it, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved." 

Not only do I believe God Tests us, sometimes I think God even goes so far as to make us Fail.  Since Failure is part of Life, the important thing is to learn HOW to accept failure.  Here is my point.  I did not try as hard as I should have to win Katie.  I gave up way too soon and hated myself for two years.  Now that I met Marla, I had been given a second chance.  Things went well at first.  Now, however, despite Marla's initial interest in me, I had a strong foreboding that something was going to go wrong.  If so, this time I was going to fight my fear of losing and force myself to pursue Marla to the best of my ability.  Fate or no Fate, I was going to try as hard as I could to persuade Marla I was the better man. 

Smiling at the memory of Marla in my arms under the moonlight, I intended to put an end to Chris.  Chris is there and I am here.  At the same time it saddened me to know that I had no guarantee of success.  It would a real shame to lose this lady.  That said, it is what it is.  I had made my wishes known to God and I would do my best to point out my strong points to Marla.  However, if things did not work out the way I hoped, at least my conscience would be clear knowing that I had given my best effort. 

My pain over losing Katie was amplified by my self-hatred.  I knew I could have done better, so I had no one to blame but myself.  Marla was different.  The regret would be just as great, but I would have no trouble forgiving myself for coming up short.  As a result, the recovery time would be much quicker.  Knowing that an outcome is God's Will always makes it easier to accept the loss.

  
 
I suppose it helps that Charles Dickens writes very amusing stories.  Yes, his plot twists border on unrealistic, but the Reader eventually gets so distracted they either forgive or forget the absurd coincidences that drives each novel.  For example, Thomas Carlyle, a Dickens contemporary, referred to Dickens' plot in Great Expectations as "complete nonsense," then turned around and greeted each fresh installment with "roars of laughter."  Yes, the coincidences go on and on, but no one seems to care.  In other words, if the story is fun, then people don't mind Coincidence at all. 

Why stop there?  In Great Expectations, young orphan Pip meets two unusual people.  One is an escaped convict named Magwitch who intimidates the boy into supplying him with food and a file to break his chains.  The other is an elderly spinster named Miss Havisham who demands Pip keep her company.  Pip later comes into a great fortune from a secret patron.  Of course we all believe the benefactor is wealthy Miss Havisham, but it turns out to be the convict who inexplicably took a shine to Pip.  By coincidence, surprise surprise, at the end of the book we learn that Miss Havisham and Magwitch are represented by the same lawyer, Mr. Jaggers.  Now isn't that interesting?  This whole time we expected Miss Havisham was the good guy, but it was the convict.  Oh no, Dickens has fooled us again!  Who would ever suspect that an escaped (and recaptured) convict would turn out to be wildly rich?  For that matter, how curious that in a city as large as London Magwitch would have the same lawyer as Miss Havisham. 

 

 
 
Oddly enough, I once dealt with same problem with Vanessa.  She was a master at giving excuses to explain her frequent change of plans.  Not once did I pin her down because I was afraid to confront her.  As my suspicions kept growing, I became weaker and weaker just like Marla.  I knew something was fishy, but without HARD EVIDENCE I kept giving Vanessa the benefit of the doubt.  How pathetic is that?  The Groveling destroyed my soul.  But fortunately I did catch a major break.  After Vanessa left town for good, I screwed up my courage and went to visit Jackie, Vanessa's best friend.  Jackie felt sorry for me, so she confirmed the truth behind my suspicions.  This was a rare and special favor because I was given absolute CERTAINTY that my gut instinct had been right all along.  This was the birth of my trust in my Intuition.  No matter how unlikely my gut instinct was, invariably it turned out to be correct.  Thanks to my Trust in the power of Instinct, I refused to give up on Marla during her six month lack of interest. 

The memory of Miami still grated my nerves.  At this time last week, Sunday morning, Marla had awakened with Chris at her side in a Miami hotel room.  The thought of Marla spending the Miami weekend in the arms of her boyfriend infuriated me.  Nor did my jealousy stop there.  At this very minute, Marla's car was sitting in her boyfriend's driveway.  This was a dead giveaway she had spent Friday night and most of Saturday with Chris.  Marla told me herself she was in no hurry to get to the ship.  In fact, she had waited till the last minute to make her final decision to go.  The thought that Chris would be waiting for Marla at the conclusion of this trip increased my doubt.  With Chris' luck, maybe our long talk last night would work in his favor.  Now that Marla had gotten all that anger out of her system, perhaps her fondness for Chris would be restored.  History has a funny way of repeating itself.  Considering Marla had returned to Chris time after time for six years, what made me think this time would be any different?

The difference between Marla and me is that I trusted my Instinct, but she didn't trust hers.  Where there's smoke, there's fire.  That wasn't good enough for Marla.  She was determined to know EXACTLY what was going on before making a final decision.  Good luck with that.  Unless Marla could find a spy in Rugby World, she had no way to confirm what her gut was telling her.  Consequently Marla was nagged by her constant feeling of distrust.  My biggest fear was that Marla would postpone her decision.  Rather than choose me, she would return to shore with the intention of confronting Chris.  If that took place, Marla would be back on ground where Chris dominated.  No doubt the silver-tongued devil would spin his black magic and convince Marla this was all her imagination.  Based on one special night, would that be enough for Marla to see what I had to offer?  I could not get the story of Patrick out of my mind.  Patrick and Marla had enjoyed one very special date, but the lawyer never got a second chance.  I was certain Patrick was crushed when Marla told him she had decided to return to her boyfriend.  If Patrick had any idea that Marla was returning to a man who had lied repeatedly for the past three months while he lived with another woman, he would have never believed it.  Unfortunately, I could very well be facing a similar fate.  Last night was special, but there was no guarantee I would get the ending I prayed for.

 

Maybe not in the traditional sense where some nasty witch casts a Spell.  My belief system suggests Fate includes both good fortune and bad fortune.  I do not presume I have the right to lecture on the origin of Good and Evil.  All I know is it seems to me we all experience difficulties in our life that seem contrived in some way, but we can't put our finger on it.  It feels like the cards are mysteriously stacked against us.  Or maybe we are operating under a dark cloud, a curse of some sort.  Some blame the Devil.  Some blame Jamaican voodoo rituals.  Others blame Salem Village witchcraft.  My belief is that God plays the villain.

 
 

Rick Archer's Note:

The problem with writing a book about Fate is the significance of an event is difficult to know in the present tense.  More often than not, when something out of the ordinary takes place, the truth is not revealed until much later.  The Kierkegaard quote addresses this issue.  Life can only be understood backwards.  Therefore it is a blessing to be 70 years old as I write my story.  Thanks to my age, all the weird events of my youth make so much more sense as I understand my life in reverse.  

The key story in Chapter One was the surprising link between the Leap of Faith, my peculiar decision to dedicate myself to dance lessons, and the remarkable Magic Carpet Ride which ensued three years later.  I cannot emphasize enough how often I questioned my original decision to continue dance lessons.  I figured it would take six months.  Wrong.  I remained completely in the dark for three years.  Why did I ever agree to such a stupid idea?  What is the point of this folly?  So much for my dubious belief regarding Intuition. 

But I never quit!  I stubbornly assumed that eventually I would use dancing as a way to meet girls.   And guess what?  Believe it or not, the day would come when my dance skills guaranteed I would never be lonely again.  In fact, dancing would actually help cure the mental illness that plagued me following Colorado State.  But we will save that story for another book.  What is important for now is the girlfriend I hoped for never appeared for three long years.

Instead I was handed a career.  Imagine my surprise when Saturday Night Fever magically rescued Disco from its dying embers.  Swamped with students, I knew immediately something very special had taken place.  It could not be an 'accident' that I had just spent the past three years preparing to meet this unexpected opportunity.  Once I saw the connection between the movie and the Leap of Faith, it became crystal clear my Blind Faith had taken me down a very special path.

We never know the Impact of an event until further down the road.  Without context, one event is meaningless.  However, once the Big Picture is in place, then a minor event such as the Vanessa paperback takes on far greater importance.  Vanessa, of course, was the woman who destroyed me back at Colorado State.  Of all the names in the world, I had just picked up a book on how to meet girls only to discover it had been dedicated to a woman named 'Vanessa' with the inscription "Who's sorry now?"

Everyone has heard the expression 'Writing on the Wall'.  I was convinced this coincidence was no accident.  However, if the paperback had stood alone, it would be nothing more than an easily dismissed coincidence.  So what if Vanessa's name was in the dedication? 

However, given the acne and my problems with Murphy, Fujimoto, and Vanessa, we see how my difficulties at Colorado State created an extreme state of desperation.  With perfect timing... the lowest moment of my life... out of nowhere a strange book appears with an interesting suggestion.  Would that be enough to convince people in the existence of Fate?  No.  However, when we add the remarkable Stepping Stones which followed, this insignificant paperback coincidence suddenly emerges as THE TURNING POINT OF MY LIFE. 

God definitely has a flair for the dramatic.  First God sends me reeling at Colorado State, then keeps me in suspense for all those years with pointless dance lessons.  Now comes the surprise payoff.  As far I was concerned, my accidental dance career was more than enough to reinforce my belief in God forever.  However, maybe there are still a few skeptics out there, so why stop now?  I have an endless supply of strange stories to share. 

In Chapter One, we learned that a three year dance project followed by a series of Stepping Stones led to Saturday Night Fever which in turn catapulted me to the Magic Carpet Ride.  In this chapter, I will cover the strange details surrounding this amazing stroke of fortune. 

 


Karma
 
 
As far as I can tell, little is known of Cosmic Blindness.  Consequently, there are people who go around hating themselves for damage caused following the inexplicable breakdown of their better judgment.  Unfortunately, I do not believe we can outwit Fate.  Due to my experience with Victoria, I believe there are times when I am not in control of my own mind.  Since I resent the idea of being manipulated beyond my awareness, I pay close attention to each unusual detail of my life.  Whether this works or not, I cannot be sure, but I will say I have not had another serious case since Victoria left my life.  Nevertheless, I still feel vulnerable.  The way I look at it, if I do my best to stay alert and something goes wrong despite my best effort, then at least my conscience will be clear. 

Over time I have developed a deepening conviction that my hunch about Fate is right.  That raises an uncomfortable question.  Is everything Predetermined?  Deep down, I still feel like I have Free Will, just not all the time.  There will be key events that are unavoidable, but I believe I have the freedom to choose my next move to each situation.  Along the way, I have gotten in the habit of asking God for guidance whenever I am unsure what to do next.  That seems to work.  Acting in accordance with Divine Will, I have come to feel very blessed.  But here is the problem.  Very few people approach their life with a daily eye to Fate and even fewer imagine their minds can be tampered with. 

 
 

I am convinced in the existence of Reincarnation because it explains things that otherwise make no sense. 

For example, given the Bible says we have only one chance to get it right, why would God make it easy for some to reach Heaven and difficult for others?  It is fairly obvious that some people get all the breaks while others seem cursed.  One would expect a fair and loving God to create a level playing field for all, but if we only have one chance, then why make it easy for some and hard for others?  I prefer to believe in Reincarnation because it gives everyone as many tries as necessary to get it right. 

Only one problem.  No one has ever heard of my theory.  Marla was flabbergasted when I explained it to her.  Skeptical at first, Marla came on board the day she suddenly remembered the Gypsy Prophecy 18 MONTHS LATER.  Marla stared at me in shock, then exclaimed, "How on earth could I forget a thing like that?"  Hmm.  I wonder.  I think a lot of people are like Marla and Victoria.  They screw up, make a mess of their life, then wander around trying to figure out what came over them to behave so irrationally.  I find support for my theory based on the many peculiar phrases in our language.

• "Love is Blind."

• "What was I thinking?" 

• "What did I ever see in that man?"

• "I must have been out of my mind."

• "I must have lost my mind."

• "It completely slipped my mind."

• "I had some sort of brain meltdown."

• "I should have known better."

• "Love is the Triumph of Imagination over Intelligence."

• "How could I forget that?"

• "I must have a screw loose in my brain."

• "I am usually pretty good about remembering things like that."

• "Temporary insanity."

• "How could I miss something that was right in front of my nose?"

• "Brain-washed."

• "I don't know what came over me."

• "How could I have been so stupid?"

• "Marry in haste, repent at leisure."

• "The Devil made me do it."

• "I was such a fool."
 

Based on the frequency with which these phrases occur, I think many people notice that once in a while their brains take the day off with unfortunate results to follow.  However, since it does not happen all that often, people like Marla and Victoria tell themselves "Oh well, it's just one of those things," then shrug it off.  However, some mistakes are too serious to be ignored.  One day a person commits the worst error of their life, something like dismiss a dangerous radar warning or ignore repeated warnings of nearby icebergs.  Now they've really screwed up!  They are doomed to spend the rest of their lives hating themselves for their senseless mistake.

Don't you think people would feel a little better if someone told them they never had any choice in the matter?  After Oedipus murdered his father and married his mother, he learned the truth.  Mortified by his actions, Oedipus put his eyes out and spent the remainder of his life wandering the wasteland as a blind beggar.  From the King who saved Thebes from a monster known as the Sphinx to Blind Beggar.  Did Oedipus really need to punish himself to that extent?  After all, Oedipus had no choice in the matter, so why hate himself? 

This is why I refused to hate myself after Doorstep Night.  Yes, I regretted my involvement and my heart went out to all concerned, but I didn't see the point in blaming myself.  I had done the best I could to avoid the situation.  I even went to the extreme of praying for this not to happen.  If someone tries as hard as they can to do the right thing, but comes up short, there's no reason to go off the deep end like Oedipus.

On the other hand, it was impossible not to feel sadness for Victoria and Michael.  For example, let's say a deer runs across my path at night.  Even though I am going the speed limit, I am unable to stop in time.  The deer is in tremendous pain as it dies slowly.  Even though this accident was not my fault, of course my regret at the deer's suffering is intense.  That is part of being human.  In the case of Victoria, I felt a responsibility to atone for my participation in her nightmare.  That is why I sacrificed my own happiness for three years while I did my best to help Victoria return to her senses.  But I did not hate myself.  Instead I invested my sadness into a desire to help repair the damage. 

I am sure other people besides me have noticed there are times when their Better Judgment goes missing in action.  However, since the concept of Cosmic Blindness is not part of our culture, we are raised to automatically turn to Psychology for an explanation when our judgment malfunctions.  A lot of what we believe boils down to how we were taught to think as children.  For example, it might come as a surprise that people raised in Eastern thought are taught to accept Fate and Karma as an immutable part of Life.  But here in the West, we are taught to interpret unusual events using a different Reality.  It might be time to question that Reality. 

My guess is Cosmic Blindness is so rare that most people never even notice it.  Like I said, I can only count 4 times in my life when I made a mistake seemingly caused by Blindness.  If it had not been for the utter incredulity I felt over the loss of my common sense when Victoria came knocking, I probably would have overlooked the other situations.  But how many people have an experience as weird as Doorstep Night?  The ultimate mystery was to understand why Victoria ruined her life by chasing me.  Why would she choose me over Michael after repeatedly stating her preference for him?  During the three years it took to help Victoria recover, my loneliness forced me to look for answers.  My unusual experience explains how I came to view Reality far differently than the average guy.  And what about you?   Now that you have read the Gypsy Prophecy, are you confident the way you view the world is the way it really is?
 

According to the tenets of Reincarnation, each new lifetime continues the thread of one's previous life.  If you make a mistake in one lifetime and escape punishment, chances are you will pay for it in the next.  For example, in the Biblical tale of the man who was blind at birth, Jesus hinted this was his Punishment from a previous lifetime. 

As for Genius, how do we explain Mozart who showed prodigious ability from his earliest childhood?  Already competent on keyboard and violin, Mozart composed at the age of five and performed before European royalty at age 6.  Henry Ford had said, "Some seem to think that Genius is a gift or talent, but it is the fruit of long experience in many past lives."   I agree.  To me, Reincarnation is the simplest answer for many of the gifts we have at birth.  How else do we explain what a great dancer I was?  (Just kidding.)   

The Mystics claim we typically Reincarnate with souls we have known before.  I believe this.  No doubt my mother and father will accompany me in the next lifetime for further fun and frivolity.  Maybe this time I will get to be the parent.  I can't wait to give them a taste of their own medicine.  (Just kidding.)

People have asked if Fate and Cosmic Blindness can be used to excuse or justify our worst mistakes.  I say yes and no.  In the privacy of our own thoughts, I think the concept of Fate can help us accept the dark side of the Human Condition.  So I cut my eye out with a knife.  Maybe I cut someone else's eye out in a previous lifetime.  Who can say?  So I engaged in a senseless Affair with Victoria.  Perhaps that too was Karma carried over from a previous lifetime.  Since we are not privy to developments in past lives, we have no idea why these things happen to us.  I prefer the concept of Reincarnation because it offers an explanation for painful tragedies that seem so unfair.  It is small comfort to think Karma is responsible for innocent children who die of cancer, but it is comfort nonetheless.  I contend Reincarnation puts a sense of justice into Life's Hardships that is severely lacking in the One Life to Make it to Heaven scenario.   

I think a belief in Fate can help us better accept our most senseless mistakes.  However, in the public arena which we refer to as Reality, Fate cannot be used as an Excuse for harm done to others through criminal and immoral behavior.  Accept Responsibility, learn your lesson, do not try to escape your punishment, do not make things worse, and do your best to find a way to atone for the damage.  In my case, I vowed never to repeat my Affair, a vow I have kept.  In addition, I made sure to atone for my mistake with Victoria.  I dedicated three years to help Victoria put her life back together.  Failure and mistakes are part of life.  How we deal with those mistakes gives us our chance to show character.

There is not a shred of doubt that Victoria and I possess a strong Karmic tie.  No matter how much I bitch and moan about how she mistreated me, the bottom line is I don't know how I would have ever achieved the success of my studio without her training.  How can I not feel indebted to her?  The gratitude I feel is the same gratitude a father feels towards the mother of his child. 

 

Because of what Victoria did for me, I was glad to return the favor in my own small way.  By sticking by her side while she wandered lost in Wonderland, I helped her come to grips with her senseless mistake.  I might add this service was good for my soul as well.  I viewed my willing companionship as a form of atonement.  Whenever my Realistic Side insisted I had been tricked, trapped and deceived into this Affair, the Mystic Side of my mind reminded me this event happened for a reason.  Therefore I felt a responsibility to stick around and help clean up the mess. 

I am glad I did because my three years of observation were instrumental in helping me form my theories on Fate and Cosmic Blindness.  These observations became yet another benefit of my Limbo Captivity, the best of times and worst of times.  The theme of this chapter is that Hardship comes to all of us at some point.  It is inevitable that we will make mistakes.  The stupid people run from it, lie about it and try to shirk responsibility.  Richard Nixon comes to mind.  The smart ones admit their mistake, apologize, and do everything in their power to make amends.  Do the right thing and clear the slate as best you can.  Or, if you prefer, you can always deal with it in the next lifetime.  I don't know if I will see Victoria again, but Mom and Dad are already penciled in.
So what's your verdict?  If my story was Fiction, would you buy this book?  Tell you what, before you make up your mind, let's follow this Dickens on Steroids theme.  Charles Dickens built his writing career on Coincidence.  We already know Science does not like Coincidence.  As it turns out, Literary Critics don't like Coincidence either.  Critics dismiss Coincidence as the sign of sloppy, unimaginative writing.  Why not invest some real thought and try writing a believable story? 

Coincidences are held in such low regard there are actually college courses on how to put lipstick on an unlikely Coincidence and still get the book published.  One trick is to put the Coincidence early enough in the story that the Reader may eventually forget how absurd it is.  Another trick is to use Coincidence to create a mix-up that turns into a farce.  A little laughter makes people more forgiving of implausible plots.  A third trick is to openly admit the Coincidence is so far-fetched, no one will ever believe this.  A Reverse Sales Pitch.  The fourth trick makes the characters so stupid they don't have the ability to realize how ridiculous these crazy plot twists are.  If the characters are blind to their circumstances, the Reader may not object as much.  Another suggestion is to limit the number of Coincidences.  Most Readers, they say, are willing to accept one Coincidence per novel.  Using that guideline, some would say 100 Coincidences is a bit excessive.  However, the best suggestion was to make the story interesting.  Gee, what an original thought.

The problem for writers is that Coincidence turns out to be a very helpful way to create an interesting plot.  Charles Dickens is considered the supreme practitioner, a dubious compliment.  Dickens must have had a very thick skin.  He was repeatedly condemned by literary critics for his dependence on unlikely events to move the story along.  Fortunately, Dickens did have a knack for interesting stories.  Although many of his twists were unrealistic, his stories were so good that his Readers overlooked the absurdity and enjoyed the ride.

 

History is littered with skeptics quick to deny the validity of new concepts.  And mankind is chock full of people who prefer not to question.  How can a guy enjoy football on Sunday with troubling thoughts like Precognition and Cosmic Blindness rattling around?   Robert Anton Wilson, Oscar Wilde, Aldous Huxley, Jim Morrison, and William Blake all said the same thing: Open your eyes and Wake Up!

It is not wrong to be cautious when faced with new ideas.  That makes sense.  What I find upsetting is the arrogance and demeaning attitude that goes along with knee-jerk intolerance.  When it comes to cutting-edge concepts such as Telepathy, Coincidence, Telekinesis and Precognition, today's scientists could well be making the same mistake as the close-minded doctors who condemned Pasteur and Semmelweis.  I disparage the human tendency to keep Life as simple as possible.  If Fate and Paranormal phenomena are part of our existence, it behooves us to learn as much about the Rules of the Game as we can.  Through careful Observation, we have a chance to discover there is more to this world than meets the eye. 

 

And so I undertook the Great Gay Debate. 

Hiding somewhere in my psyche, I might have a passing interest in men.  But so far that passing interest had failed to surface.  Since I was definitely attracted to women, I saw myself as straight.  However, my biggest fear is that if I was alone with an attractive man, I might lose control with a burst of uncontrollable passion.  What would I do then?  After a great deal of soul searching, I reached a conclusion.  I had been alone with women I desired on many occasions.  Not once had I lost control of my passion.  A good example was Yolanda.  I wanted her so badly I couldn't see straight, but I had been able to hold back when Yolanda said no.  If I could control my passion with a babe like Yolanda, I was pretty sure I could control my passion with a man as well.  Maybe a flash of gay desire would come over me in the future or maybe it wouldn't.  If it did, I would ignore it.  And with that, I stopped worrying.  In the years since, the much-feared gay flash has never occurred.  However, I would not be upset if it did.  I would just ignore it.  That said, if a person chooses to be gay or bisexual, I don't care.  Consenting adults should be allowed to do what they want to do.

Back to my point.  Thanks to the Great Gay Debate, when Dave propositioned me, I had already made up my mind where I stood on this thorny issue.  With one less thing to worry about, I was able to concentrate on what really mattered... Do I wish to continue dance?


Between Two Lips
 

Following Victoria's departure from my life, for the next 30 years, I knew nothing but success.  At one point, the studio was likely the largest in the country.  Not bad for a man who started at the bottom.  Only one problem.  I let that success go to my head.  As they say, Pride is present at every downfall.  This set the scene for yet another Epic Failure.  And, as before, there was a Silver Lining. 

God threw me a serious curveball late in my life.  It doesn't take a degree in Psychology to guess I took immense pride in running the dance studio to the best of my ability.  I saw SSQQ as my mission in life.  Consequently I was very sad when my dance career came to premature end in 2010.  The final six years of running the studio were marred by the presence of a new landlord who did everything in his power to get rid of me because he wanted my space.   The new landlord confiscated half my parking lot for his own use.  Many students were forced to park a mile away to attend class.  This was particularly galling because the parking needs of his daytime hospital and my nighttime dance studio did not overlap.  Seeing all those unused parking spaces at night made me furious, especially since he hired a security guard to make sure those spaces stayed empty.  The lack of parking cut so deeply into our finances that I didn't dream of continuing once my lease expired in 2010.  So I sold the studio instead. 

Unfortunately my relationship with the man who bought my studio was very contentious.  He had the nerve to sue me twice because he said the small classes I taught at a church and in my home violated my non-compete clause.   At the cost of several thousand dollars, my lawyer made it clear the new owner didn't know what he was talking about, so he back down.  But the damage was done. 

Two years after I retired, the non-compete clause went away.  Still smarting over the way the new SSQQ owner had treated me, I could do whatever I wanted, including opening a new studio if I wished.  By coincidence, on cue a golden opportunity to teach again appeared out of the blue.  I could not believe my good fortune.  To me, this lucky break was exactly the same sort of thing that had often happened to me back at the start of my dance career.  Aha!  Just like the good old days.  On the other hand, I was perfectly content with teaching a couple nights a week.  I still liked to teach, but I had no desire to run a new studio.  However, given the positive omens surrounding this opportunity, I believed God wanted me back in the game.  I accepted the offer specifically because I thought that is what God wanted me to do.  As His dutiful servant, I honored the wish.

I was in for a surprise.  To my astonishment, despite my advantages, my comeback failed miserably.  So why did I fail?

• Half-hearted effort?  No.  I worked hard. 
• Inexperience?  No.  I had 32 years of experience. 
• Lack of publicity?  No.  I was the best known teacher in the city with an email list containing 20,000 names. 
• Bad reputation?  No.  I ran my former studio in a highly ethical manner. 
• Poor politics?  No.  I had solid backing from several well-known business partners in the dance community. 
• Underfinanced?  No.  The studio was already there.  All I had to do was pay a very low rent. 

We could go on, but we don't need to.  Under normal circumstances, there was no earthly reason I could not pick up where I left off.  What bothered me was seeing my comeback fail due to a deeply-suspicious series of bad breaks.  Whatever could go wrong, did wrong.  In particular, the final blow was a definite kill shot.  I will save the details for later, but it was a cruel moment that left me deeply humiliated.  Subjected to wide-spread public scorn, I closed the doors and went into hiding.  Mighty Casey had struck out.

As failures go, other than wasting six months of my life, there was no real loss of money.  As for my self-esteem, it remained pretty much intact.  I knew I had given my best effort, so why feel guilty?  I have always believed if you do the best you can, then why kick yourself for coming up short?  Besides, my previous experience had taught me that a lot of the time success is deeply dependent on luck and timing.  And that brings me to my point. 

Mostly I was very hurt.  I felt abandoned by God.  To begin with, I had only resumed my dance career because I believed this was what God wanted me to do.  Given that this opportunity had a 99% chance of success, I could have sworn God had sent a clear message that this comeback was something I was meant to do.  So why pull the rug out from under me?  Due to my history with Supernatural events, I knew instinctively that several of these bad breaks had the earmark of Divine Interference.  If God had left me alone, I would have done just fine.  But I could not overcome sabotage.  It was shocking to reach the conclusion that God had intended for me to fail. 

Several months passed as I licked my wounds.  Still upset over my lousy outcome, every day I asked myself why God would want me to fail.  One day as I nosed around Google, I ran across a page filled with quotations on Fate.  I noticed one quotation in particular.  It was an Arabic saying attributed to Imam Ali, successor to Prophet Muhammad. 

"Life consists of two days, one for you and one against you.  When Life is for you, do not be proud or reckless.  When Life is against you, be patient.  For both days will be a Test for you."  -- Imam Ali

Right below was another Arabic quote taken from the Qur'an, better known to Westerners as the Koran.

“What is meant for you will reach you even if it lies beneath two mountains, and what is not meant for you will never reach you even if it lies between your two lips.” 

This quote stunned me.  Back when I had at most a 1% chance of success, I had succeeded against all odds thanks to a series of lucky breaks.  But when I had a 99% chance of success, I failed miserably.  This Arabic quote encapsulated my experience to perfection.  I had been so certain my comeback would succeed, I could taste it.  Not once did it ever cross my mind I would fail.  But fail I did.  In fact, I failed so miserably there could be no doubt God was making a point.   So now I asked myself what that point might be. 

The first quote had warned against Pride during the times that Life is for you.  Convinced I had received this rebuke due to my Pride, I began to reflect on the meaning of 'God-given talent'.  For the past 30 years I had used the success of my dance studio as a way to bolster my ego.  In fact, I had laughed at all the missteps of my successor as a way to demonstrate my superiority.
 

And now my laughter had boomeranged on me.  Now that I was forced to confront the facts, it occurred to me I had done little to deserve feeling superior.  Given the kind of breaks I received, I imagine lots of people could have done just as well as me, maybe even better.  With my success handed to me in the same way that some people are born Royal, what gave me the right to feel so damn talented?  Lucky, maybe, but not special.  My recent failure made it clear that it was God's Will that had allowed me to succeed, not my own ability.  This was a very humbling thought indeed. 

Stripped of my conceit, from now on I would be wise to worry less about showing off my ability.  A better use of my talent would be to help make the world a better place.  In other words, use my talent to honor God.

Since God obviously didn't want me to extend my dance career, I was in need of a new project.  I was reminded of another J.K. Rowling quote.  She said when a person is given far more than he or she needs, we have a moral responsibility to give back.  That struck home.  I had long felt an obligation to share my stories with others.  So far I had hesitated due to the fear I would open myself up to widespread criticism, perhaps even derisive scorn. 

But how could I overlook all my unusual experiences like the Gypsy Prophecy?  I had over 100 incidents that raised suspicion.  Now that God had gone to great lengths to subject me to this array of far-fetched events, I was practically a Poster Boy for the existence of Fate. 

Now that one door had closed, maybe this was a message to begin writing my book about Destiny.  People have the ability to learn and understand without having a direct experience.  Through imagination, they can visualize themselves into another person's shoes.  Why not share what I learned in the process of facing my obstacles?  A good place to start would be to remind people than Failure is not always as bad as we think it is.

I assume God has a purpose for all of us.  Suppose God wanted me to write a book about Fate.  Better yet, what if God wanted me to write a CONVINCING book about Fate?  Given the handicaps facing me, who would have ever thought I would one day create the largest dance studio in America?  By now, it should be obvious there is NO WAY I had the talent to become successful in a profession for which I had no natural ability.  And how exactly was I supposed to succeed given my crippling emotional problems?  Nevertheless, things broke right time after time to allow my improbable rise.  Along the way, every time I passed a new test, my confidence grew.  To my amazement, over time I turned from a prickly introvert into an outgoing, friendly person.  Incredibly, my dance career had healed all those childhood scars.  From a cursed life to a charmed life.  Charles Dickens would have been proud of my storybook ending. 

I cannot prove that Fate exists.  What I can do is share my curious stories and let you decide whether or not you agree Fate plays an inescapable role in our lives.  Given where I started compared to where I ended, even a confirmed skeptic might begin to wonder if there is something to my contention that I had Divine help every step of the way. 

At some point... maybe this chapter, maybe the next chapter, who knows when... I hope the Reader will reach the conclusion that while it is hard to believe in Coincidence, Lucky breaks, Predestination, Blindness and so on, eventually it becomes very difficult to believe in anything else but Fate.
 
 


LIST OF SUSPECTED SUPERNATURAL EVENTS
   001

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break
Coincidence		 1955   Rick cuts his eye out by foolishly pulling knife in wrong direction
  Rick's mother causes him to panic by calling at the worst possible time
   002

Serious

 Coincidence 1956   Rick's sudden impulse to play arcade game saves Rick and his father from Death at Stock Car accident
   003

Suspicious

 Lucky Breaks 1959   Father's affair leads to Rick's education at St. John's, Rick's special relationship with Mr. Chidsey leads to full
  scholarship
   004

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness 1961   Rick's Mother loses her mind and causes near-death experience at Blue Christmas
   005

Suspicious

 Coincidence 1963   Rick wins the Kern Tips football book in drawing
   006

Suspicious

 Coincidence 1963   Discovery of chess book helps Rick defeat Taxi Cab driver Neal at chess
   007

Serious

 Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		 1964   Rick's Mother mysteriously fails to take him to doctor following serious acne attack
   008

Serious

 Coincidence 1964   One in a million Basketball strike on Rick's swollen face
   009

Suspicious

 Coincidence
 Heartfelt Wish		 1965   Neal's sucker punch training allows Rick to defeat Harold in shower room fight. 
  Shortly after fight, an inexpensive set of weights appears out of nowhere
   010

Serious

 Lucky Break
Coincidence		 1966  Rick is in Right Place at the Right Time.  Mr. Ocker runs into Rick at grocery store and offers him a life-altering job.
   011

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness
Lucky Break		 1967   Senior Year Blind Spot regarding Mr. Salls and my college scholarship to Johns Hopkins
  Ralph O'Connor hands Rick a full scholarship to Johns Hopkins University
   012

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness 1967   Rick's Mother forgets about child support, gets blind-sided into a gamble which creates Little Mexico
   013

Serious

 Coincidence
Cosmic Blindness		 1968   Caught cheating on German test due to amazing coincidence and unbelievable loss of common sense
   014

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness 1968   Despite Rick's obsession, Mrs. Ballantyne and Rick fail to connect at SJS for 9 years
   015

Serious

 Coincidence
Lucky Break		 1968   Fateful Conversation with Mrs. Ballantyne at Weingarten's parking lot
   016

Suspicious

 Lucky Break 1968   Close Call Car Accident
   017

Serious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		 1968   The Cinderella appearance of Princess Cheryl as my date for Senior Prom
   018            
   019            
   020            
   021          
   022        
   023

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Lucky Break		 1973   Portland Woman song coincidence
  Vanessa delivers the lesson and Jackie explains what went wrong
   024

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness
Lucky Break		 1973   Rick's inability to shut up in Dr. Fujimoto's class costs him dearly
  Fujimoto delivers the lesson and Dr. Hilton explains what went wrong
   025            
   026        
   027            
   028        
   029        
   030            
   031            
   032        
   033            
   034            
   035        
   036            
   037            
   038            
   039            
   040        
   041        
   042          
   043            
   044            
   045            
   046            
   047            
   048            
   049        
   050            
   051        
   052            
   053        
   054            
   055            
   056        
   057        
   058            
   059        
   060        
   061          
   062            
   063            
   064            
   065            
   066            
   067            
   068            
   069            
   070            
   071        
   072            
   073            
   074            
   075            
   076            
   077            
   078            
   079            
   080            
   081        
   082            
   083        
   084            
   085        
   086            
   087            
   088        
   089            
   090            
   091          
   092            
   093            
   094    Suspicious

   Coincidence
Cosmic Blindness

  1994   Rick's 3 year old daughter Sam falls to the bottom of the swimming pool the moment he turns his head
   095

Suspicious

Cosmic Blindness

 2001   Marla does not know I exist for six months despite neverending attempts to get her attention.
  Marla is unable to leave a man she does not love even though he mistreats her for six years.
   098

Suspicious

Coincidence

  2001   Marla is in the hallway right outside my cabin the moment I leave following my Dark Night of the Soul
   099

Serious

 Synchronicity 2001   Stroke of Midnight Synchronicity: Rick and Marla's Midnight connection at the Disco, Marla's awakening,
  Ashley Rumor misunderstanding, Dark Night of the Soul, Second night coincidence outside Rick's cabin
   100

Serious

Predestination
Cosmic Blindness

 2002   The Gypsy Prophecy is foretold by a psychic using Tarot Cards
   098    Suspicious

   Cosmic Blindness
Coincidence

2004
2012

   Aunt Lynn loses her passport prior to joining my Wedding Cruise.  I rescue Lynn.
  I lose my passport prior to my cruise trip to Russia.  Lynn rescues me.
   099            
   100        
 
   052

Serious

 Synchronicity
Stepping Stone		  1978   Crossroad Synchronicity: Spotlight Effect, Incompetence Effect, Right Place at Right Time
   051

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Robert Stigwood Synchronicity: John Travolta, Nik Cohn, Bee Gees, Norman Wexler
   050

Serious

 Lucky Break
Stepping Stone		  1977   Disco Line Dance class job handed to Rick at Stevens of Hollywood
   049

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1977   Revelation following Graduation Night at Rubaiyat
   048

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Stepping Stone		  1977   Rosalyn's Gift of line dance class at Memorial JCC
   047

Serious

 Lucky Break
Heartfelt Wish
Stepping Stone

 1977

   Rosalyn's Gift of summer line dance class at Braeswood JCC
 

   102

Serious

 Synchronicity     Angel Bush, Maxwell Mayhem
   101     Suspicious Telepathy    Marla and Rick start singing 'People are Strange' simultaneously for no apparent reason
   100

Suspicious

Coincidence

     Captain Teige Meeting
 

Suspicious

Predestination

     Cruise Ship Prophecy comes to pass (see #42)
   099

Suspicious

  Cosmic Blindness
Coincidence		     Aunt Lynn loses her passport prior to joining my Wedding Cruise.  I rescue Lynn.
  I lose my passport prior to my cruise trip to Russia.  Lynn rescues me.
   098

Serious

Predestination
Cosmic Blindness

     Gypsy Prophecy:  Marla's future is foretold by a psychic using Tarot Cards.  Then her mind was erased.
   097

Serious

 Synchronicity     Fairy Tale Synchronicity: Stroke of Midnight coincidence at Disco, Ashley Rumor misunderstanding,
  Dark Night of the Soul, Second night coincidence outside Rick's cabin
   096

Suspicious

Cosmic Blindness

     Marla does not know I exist for six months despite my neverending attempts to get her attention
   095   Suspicious Coincidence
Cosmic Blindness		    Rick's 3 year old daughter Sam falls to the bottom of the swimming pool the moment he turns his head
   094

Suspicious

Coincidence

  1984   Hazel runs into Victoria at the airport, then calls me to discuss it
   093

Serious

Strange Accident

     Gordian Knot accident ruins Waltz performance of Judy and Rick
   092

Suspicious

Lucky Break

     Halloween photographs taken by Jim Fogo's create a sensation
   091

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Scott was the muscle-bound guy who unwittingly revolutionized SSQQ by hurting women with his strength
   090

Suspicious

Lucky Break

     SSQQ gets it name
   089

Suspicious

Lucky Break

     Winchester Club creates sensational growth of studio
   088

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Western Synchronicity: TGIS, Dance Arts, QQSS Discovery, Leisure Learning, Winchester
   087

Serious

 Lucky Break
Heartfelt Wish
Cosmic Blindness		     Herb Fried cracks the Riddle of the Western Double Turns: QQSS
   086

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Lance Stevens receives Karmic Punishment
   085

Serious

 Lucky Break     Glen Hunsucker Last Second Rescue to Dance Arts
   084

Serious

 Lucky Break     Ted Weisgal hires me to teach for Leisure Learning
   083

Serious

 Lucky Break     Rick meets Linda Shuler at TGIS
   082

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Evolution of Western dancing begins
   081

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Country Crossroad: Blindness towards Western, Meyerland Club, Joanne, Fright Night, Class Factory
   080

Serious

 Lucky Break     Fright Night
   079

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Plato's Cave: Blind resistance to oncoming Western phenomenon
   078

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Clay Felker Synchronicity: Chance visit to Gilley's, Lucky Break to get John Travolta to star in Urban Cowboy
   077

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     My Affair with Victoria causes me to form my theory of Cosmic Blindness and its relationship to Free Will
   076

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Twisted Casablanca
   075

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Joanne is in right place at right time to help with Western
   074

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Meyerland Club
   073

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Jennifer appears out of nowhere to help with Clear Lake
   072

Suspicious

 Strange Accident     Karate Chop Accident at Annabelle's
   071

Suspicious

 Strange Accident     Foley's Accident
   070

Serious

 Strange Accident     Lighthouse Accident
   069

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Rick runs into Earl at Patricia's apartment
   068

Suspicious

 Strange Accident     Patricia's Split Lip Accident at Spats
   067

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Patricia's accidental Affirmation Discovery
   066

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Rick runs into Bob at Patricia's apartment
   065

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Year of Living Dangerously: Joanne steals the show, Rock Star Argument, Patricia's Bombshell, Dangerous Liaison,
  Joanne's Appearance at Pistachio, Victoria's Tirade, Inquisition, Devil's Bargain regarding Patricia, Camelot
   064

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Joanne wins Battle of the Disco Divas at Victoria's Pistachio Christmas Party
   063

Serious

 Synchronicity     Battle of the Disco Divas: Interaction of Victoria, Patricia, and Joanne doubles Rick's dance program
   062

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Summer of 78: Marion, Jenny, Marilyn, Karen, Nancy, Victoria
   061

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Stevens' hasty decision to rent rooms to Rick for group lessons
   060

Serious

 Lucky Break     Donna Gordon of Class Factory hands me the break of a lifetime
   059

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Ritz Silver Lining: Cold War with Lance Stevens leads to Blindness
   058

Suspicious

 Strange Accident     The Ritz Disaster
   057

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     The Three Mentors: Patsy Swayze, Gaye Brown-Burke, Rosalyn Lively
   056

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Eric loses his job after challenging Lance Stevens
   055

Serious

 Synchronicity     Partner Dance Crisis: Gary, Stevens, Sue Ann, Janie, and Suzy help create 'New Yorker' partner dance system
   054

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Rick helps Dr. Ballantyne save his tropical plant collection
   053

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Mrs. Ballantyne appears out of nowhere at Stevens of Hollywood to renew our friendship
   052

Serious

 Synchronicity
Stepping Stone		  1978   Crossroad Synchronicity: Spotlight Effect, Incompetence Effect, Right Place at Right Time
   051

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Robert Stigwood Synchronicity: John Travolta, Nik Cohn, Bee Gees, Norman Wexler
   050

Serious

 Lucky Break
Stepping Stone		  1977   Disco Line Dance class job handed to Rick at Stevens of Hollywood
   049

Suspicious

 Lucky Break  1977   Revelation following Graduation Night at Rubaiyat
   048

Suspicious

 Lucky Break
Stepping Stone		  1977   Rosalyn's Gift of line dance class at Memorial JCC
   047

Serious

 Lucky Break
Heartfelt Wish
Stepping Stone

 1977

   Rosalyn's Gift of summer line dance class at Braeswood JCC
   046

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Weird Bomb Scare at JCC sends Rick's first-ever dance class into parking lot
   045

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Roberta's request for me to take over her class
   044

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Becky and I perform the Sidecar acrobatic lift
   043 

Serious

 Lucky Break     Gaye's strong intervention lifts Rick out of serious depression
   042

Suspicious

 Predestination     Precognitive fantasy in Gaye's office regarding becoming a Cruise Director comes true 30 years later
   041

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness  1975   Inability to invite Katie to join Rick at Melody Lane leads to disaster
   040

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break     Celeste at Phoney Baloney Dance Studio
   039

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break     Manimal attack at Farmhouse
   038

Suspicious

  Lucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		     Rick uses his volleyball skills to meet Celeste at Rice University
   037

Suspicious

  Lucky Break     River Oaks Seven vanquished
   036

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Alice in Strange Wonderland: Gay Siberia, Casa Mark, Lucy and Jill, Farmhouse, Gloria
   035

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Mark and Donna's Dance Intervention
   034

Serious

 Coincidence    Rachel phones Rick with perfect timing
   033

Suspicious

 Coincidence     Swimming Pool encounter with Gloria
   032

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		     Magic Mirror
   031

Serious

 Synchronicity
Stepping Stone		     Dance Class from Hell: Gay Gauntlet, River Oaks Seven, Sasquatch, Disco Dave proposition, Parking Lot Inferno
   030

Serious

 Synchronicity     Dance Path Synchronicity: Rejection Phobia, Courtesan Book, Stalled Car Incident at Casa Yolanda,
  Drag Queen Lynn
   029

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break     Bedeviling Importance of Rivers Oaks Seven
   028

Suspicious

 Messenger     Drag Queen Lynn has a message for me
   027

Serious

 Coincidence     Stalled Car Incident at Yolanda's house
   026

Serious

 Coincidence     Discovery of Vanessa's name in Courtesan convinces Rick to buy the book
   025

Suspicious

 Synchronicity     Epic Losing Streak:  Jason, Learned Helplessness, Point of No Return, Acne Blind Spot, Christine, Debbie,
  Dr. Hilton's Intervention
   024

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness
Lucky Break		     Rick's inability to shut up in Dr. Fujimoto's class costs him dearly
  Fujimoto delivers the lesson and Dr. Hilton explains what went wrong
   023

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Lucky Break		     Portland Woman song coincidence
  Vanessa delivers the lesson and Jackie explains what went wrong
   022

Serious

 Predestination
Heartfelt Wish		     Camp Counselor Daydream predicts summer job
   021

Serious

 Telepathy     Vickie the psychic and the Ghost of Terry
   020

Suspicious

  Unlucky Break     Astrology eye injury
   019

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Strange Warning at the Hopkins Graduate Reading Room leads to visiting the local Quaker Meeting.
  An unusual suggestion by a stranger leads to Magical Mystery Tour and the end of a serious depression
   018

Serious

  Coincidence     Emily and Eric Taxi Coincidence at the Train Station
   017

Serious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		     The Cinderella appearance of Princess Cheryl as my date for Senior Prom
   016

Suspicious

 Eerie Prediction     Murphy's Curse that my rebellious nature would lead to dire consequences
   015

Suspicious

 Lucky Break     Close Call Car Accident
   014

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness
Coincidence
Lucky Break		     Despite Rick's obsession, Mrs. Ballantyne and Rick fail to connect at SJS for 9 years. Fateful Conversation with Mrs.
  Ballantyne at Weingarten's parking lot
   013

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Caught cheating on German test due to amazing coincidence and unbelievable loss of common sense
   012

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness     Rick's Mother forgets about child support, gets blind-sided into Little Mexico
   011

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness
Lucky Break		     Senior Year Blind Spot regarding Mr. Salls and my college scholarship to Johns Hopkins
  Ralph O'Connor hands Rick a full scholarship to Johns Hopkins University
   010

Serious

 Lucky Break
Coincidence		    Rick is in Right Place at the Right Time.  Mr. Ocker runs into Rick at grocery store and offers him a job.
   009

Suspicious

 Coincidence
 Heartfelt Wish		     Neal's sucker punch training allows Rick to defeat Harold in shower room fight. 
  Shortly after fight, an inexpensive set of weights appears out of nowhere
   008

Serious

 Coincidence     One in a million Basketball strike on Rick's swollen face
   007

Serious

 Unlucky Break
Cosmic Blindness		     Rick's Mother mysteriously fails to take him to doctor following serious acne attack
   006

Serious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		     Discovery of chess book helps Rick defeat Taxi Cab driver Neal at chess
   005

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Heartfelt Wish		     Rick wins the Kern Tips football book in drawing
   004

Suspicious

 Lucky Breaks     Father's affair leads to Rick's education at St. John's, Rick's special relationship with Mr. Chidsey leads to full 
  scholarship
   003

Suspicious

 Cosmic Blindness     Rick's mother loses her mind and causes near-death experience at Blue Christmas
   002

Serious

 Coincidence     Rick's sudden impulse to play arcade game saves Rick and his father from Death at Stock Car accident
   001

Suspicious

 Unlucky Break
Coincidence
Cosmic Blindness		     Rick cuts his eye out by foolishly pulling knife in wrong direction. 
  Rick's mother causes him to panic by calling at the worst possible time
 

 

      
 

I was not happy during my withdrawal stage, but as my marriage failed, so did my interest in being sociable and outgoing. 

Throughout my dance career, I had faced a dilemma.  I called it the 'Seesaw Effect'.  Here is how it worked.   Whenever I was miserable, the studio thrived.  Whenever I was happy, the studio barely survived.  Now I realize this is an over-simplification, but there was also a strong kernel of truth to it.

The Seesaw Effect was directly related to the ups and downs of my love life.  Whenever I was alone, I used my free time to hang with the group.  Not only did my presence energize every social event, it also allowed me to scout around for my next girlfriend.  However, whenever I was in a committed relationship, I much preferred to dedicate my free time to the girl I loved. 

Although the Seesaw problem had long haunted me, it became very serious during the Nineties during my marriage to Judy.  Once Sam came along, it was very difficult to tear myself away from my family on weekends to serve the needs of my demanding business.  I suppose this phenomenon is not all that rare.  A lot of people have told me how difficult it is to balance the demands of a career versus the demands of a family. 

 

The Seesaw problem drove me crazy.  Whenever I took time away from the studio to enjoy myself at home, the studio stagnated.  The dilemma set up frequent struggles with my conscience.   Take weddings for example.  Good grief, not a month passed without another wedding.  SSQQ students were getting married right and left!  I prayed the latest couple would not invite me, but they always did.  After all, SSQQ was where they met.  I would force myself to attend the wedding because I knew it was the right thing to do, but unless I knew the couple well, I secretly wanted to keep my precious free time to myself.

However, everything changed when I was alone and miserable.  Night after night I would spend my free time dancing with the students, attending dance competitions, parties and weddings.  That is when the social side of SSQQ clicked.  However, during my marriage to Judy, I cut these activities in half which caused a drop-off.  I felt guilty withdrawing like I did, but the demands of family were a more important use of my time.  Unfortunately, I paid dearly for my neglect.  At the end of 1996, after we paid our remaining bills, we had $500 left in the bank. 

Fortunately, Judy bailed us out.  Thanks to her genius during two successive dance fads, Swing Dancing (1997-2001) and Salsa Dancing (1999-2001), Judy got the joint jumping again.  With the studio filled to the brim and teeming with energy, I was the only person who knew the current social program was no match for the incandescent spirit of the past. 

Business was good, but as my marriage began to fail, my enthusiasm for being around people diminished.  I just wanted to be alone, so as the Millennium approached, I spent less time schmoozing with the students.  After class, rather than stick around to dance a little and make friends, I went home.  It was easier to let my staff of teachers be in charge of drumming up the enthusiasm.  Worse, I became angry and sullen much of the time.  There's a term, 'Death by a thousand paper cuts'.  The studio was teeming with people, all of whom wanted something from me.  A small favor, a small complaint, an idea how to make the studio better, it never seemed to end.  For the most part these were well-meaning people, but I resented every intrusion.  Just leave me alone.  Throughout 2000, I suffered from such acute burnout, I didn't like my marriage or my studio.  The irony was overwhelming. 

Here at the start of 2001, being around my old friends on the January Ski Trip reminded me of how I had helped this network form back in the Eighties.  Now I wanted to do it again.  If I couldn't be happy myself, at least I could try to start enjoying my studio again.  Whenever I had a spare moment, I thought about the distance I had put between myself and the students at the dance studio.  With the divorce, a ten-year chapter of my life was ending.  From the ashes of my failed marriage, the best way to regain my pride would be to come out of my shell and get to know people at the studio.  I decided what the studio needed was an adventure.  After all, that's how this wonderful ski group had formed.  Unfortunately, it was too late to plan a ski trip, so my mind wandered to a cruise trip. 

As an experiment, back in 1998 I had organized a studio cruise trip to Jamaica.  With 30 people along, the trip was mildly successful.  Unfortunately I did not enjoy the trip because it felt too much like work.  So I remained a hermit most of the time, reading books, playing computer chess, hanging out with my daughter Sam.  I could not wait for the trip to end. 

However, I did notice our guests had a ball dancing every night on the trip.  They also enjoyed the dance lessons I taught on sea days.  Indeed, the cruise trip had been so much fun, several people wanted to do it again.  However, due to my lousy attitude, I said forget it.



OBSERVATION LIST 95 AND 96

95:  Rick's Invisibility due to Cosmic Blindness
96:  Stroke of Midnight Coincidence and Synchronicity
 
 

 

 

That said, I realize there is no way to scientifically prove the existence of Fate and God.  On the other hand, I strongly believe in the power of Observation.  As I will continue to point out, many great scientific discoveries started with a keen observation.

 

 

So what makes one coincidence a waste of time while another seems like a potential act of God?  The way I see it, there are three kinds of Coincidences... Mundane, Suspicious, and Serious.  If a Coincidence is mundane, I ignore it and move on.  For example, during our Stroke of Midnight encounter, if Marla and I had danced one dance and she went back to her room, our coincidental meeting would have been mundane. 

Instead Marla hung around for seven hours and poured her heart out in the process.  This powerful interaction had so much 'Impact' that I came to believe this event was Probably Fate.  In my mind, it was DEFINITELY Fate, but, like I said, out of respect for the Reader I will say 'Probably' instead.

Now I had to decide whether this coincidence was Suspicious or Serious.  "Suspicious" implies wiggle room, a Borderline event.  Maybe it is Supernatural, maybe it isn't.  The coincidence of meeting Marla that way was unusual enough to make me suspicious, but I still had my doubts. 

"Serious" is a major Supernatural Event in which my Doubt Level approaches zero.  So what is it that elevates a Suspicious event into the Serious realm?  I examine four criteria... Impact, Probability, Timing, and Context. 

Impact Given that Marla and I were both on this trip to dance, the Probability of meeting her in the Disco was at best Mundane.  Given the Timing... Midnight... that was pretty strange, but not enough to push the Coincidence into the 'Serious' range.  On the other hand, the 'Context' was off the charts weird.  Here was the woman I had pined for without success.  Here was the woman who did not know I cared for her despite repeated attempts to get her attention.  Context plus Impact elevated this Coincidence into the Realm of Serious.

 

 

As I write, I have passed the age of 70.  I find it very useful to write my story at such an advanced age.  When it comes to Fate, it is only with Hindsight that I am able to see themes emerge that I missed earlier in life.  The impact of many events went right over my head as they were taking place.  However, as I retrace these events, I can see how the puzzle pieces all fit together.  Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard reached the same conclusion. 

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards" -- Søren Kierkegaard

A book on Fate cannot be written without Hindsight.  Many times in my life I felt something out of the ordinary was taking place, but I could not put my finger on it.  It was only when I viewed the later developments that I understood what had been going on.  I can use my coincidental meeting with Marla to demonstrate this point rather easily.  

In Chapter One of the Gypsy Prophecy, I shared my frustration over Marla's lack of interest.  Over a six-month period, Marla never gave me the time of day.  Did I suspect a supernatural explanation?  No!  You will be pleased to know I don't always suspect a leprechaun hiding behind every tree.  At the time, I was living my life forward as Kierkegaard says we must.  So in this case, despite my frustration at Marla's inability to respond to my overtures, I did not think something out of the ordinary was taking place.

In Chapter Two, I explained my astonishment at Marla's unexpected Cinderella-like appearance at the Disco.  This time I did feel something out of the ordinary was taking place.  However, lacking Context, I did not have enough evidence to conclude this was a Supernatural event.  However, when Marla developed an interest in me, I had my second clue.  When Marla chose to follow me to an isolated part of the ship, I had my third clue.  When Marla explained her relationship with Chris down to the last detail, I had my fourth clue.  When Marla joined me on my lounge chair, I had my fifth clue.  When she kissed me, I was convinced this was a Fated event. 

What was particular interesting during our long conversation that night is when Marla gave me insight into two burning mysteries.  First, she confirmed my gut instinct about her relationship with Chris had been right along.  Despite the fact I was ready to slit my throat after learning of her last-minute Miami adventure, what a relief to know my intuition that there were problems had been accurate all along. 

Second, Marla confirmed my gut instinct that she "should" have been interested in me.  Before you dismiss me for my vanity, let me explain.  This book is not a testament to my irresistibility.  In fact, this book will document many years of utter mediocrity around women.  Fortunately, thanks to my unusual role as owner of a dance studio, I had the opportunity to meet a countless number of women.  Along the way, I finally started to catch on.  By the time I met Marla, I daresay I knew more about women than the average guy.  One thing I learned is whenever I was strongly attracted to a certain woman, she reciprocated to some degree.  Once I caught on to the sort of woman who might be attracted to me, I could at least get to Second Base.  Except for Marla.  Marla stopped me cold at First Base.  Considering how strongly I felt about her, I could not understand why I failed to raise a glimmer of interest. 

For six months I was little better than a mild acquaintance.  Then after meeting me in the Disco, there was a strong chance that Marla might be falling in love with me.  The Before and After contrast was so striking, in Hindsight I began to be suspicious about my previous six months of Invisibility.  Prior to this strange meeting, I had reluctantly accepted Marla was not interested in me.  That is a woman's right.  What I had hard time accepting was that she didn't even know I was interested in her.  Trust me, Marla was no stranger to being approached by men.  A perceptive woman like her always knows when a man is interested.  Except that I never made it onto her radar.  In Hindsight, I concluded her utter obliviousness crossed the line into the possibility of deliberate blindness. 

This is why the Kierkegaard quote is so important.  Marla's indifference to me from March through August was meaningless UNTIL her change of heart during our Stroke of Midnight encounter.  With Hindsight, I had every right to ask if Marla's indifference was part of the Plan.  Given this new context, I concluded my six-month Invisibility was quite possibly a state of Cosmic Blindness on Marla's part. 

 
 


FREE WILL
 

Let us assume for a moment that Fate does exist.  If so, the implications are enormous.  Fate implies there is an unspeakable force far beyond what we know about 'Reality'.  The existence of Fate suggests there are rules to the Game of Life of which we are only dimly aware.  From the moment we learn to walk, we understand the power Gravity holds over our life.  I feel the same way about Fate, except the effects are far more subtle.  Few people have any idea what role Fate plays in our lives.  To begin with, the existence of Fate suggests we may not have as much 'Free Will' as we think we do.  No one wants to think of ourselves as a puppet on a string, but I have reached the conclusion there may be times when our thoughts and actions are not under our own control.  

 

As it turns out, I am not the only one who thinks about these issues.  Aldous Huxley is a celebrated English writer who was nominated for the Nobel Literature Prize seven times.  Huxley wrote extensively about Mysticism.  On his death bed, Huxley dictated an essay concerning the mystical views of William Shakespeare.  Huxley suggested Shakespeare was a Mystic whose plays such as the Tempest and Midsummer Night's Dream referenced the Hidden World. 

"All the World's a Stage, and all the men and women are merely players.  They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts."  -- W. Shakespeare

It was Huxley's contention that Shakespeare believed in 'Maya', the Eastern concept that states Reality is but an Illusion.  'Maya' connotes a magic show, an illusion where the things we see appear to be real and present, but are not what they seem.  'Maya' is the mist which prevents us from seeing the Hidden World that parallels Reality.

"In the Tempest, Prospero enunciates the doctrine of Maya.  The world is an illusion, but it is an illusion we must take seriously, because it is real as far as it goes, and in those aspects of the reality which we are capable of apprehending.  Our business is to wake up.  We have to find ways in which to detect the whole of reality in the one illusory part which our self-centered consciousness permits us to see. 

We must not live thoughtlessly, mistaking our illusion for the complete reality, but at the same time we must not live too thoughtfully in the sense of trying to escape from the dream state.  We must continually be on watch for ways in which we may enlarge our consciousness.  We must not attempt to live outside the world, which is given us, but we must somehow learn how to transform it and transfigure it.  One must find a way of being in this world while not being of it."   -- Aldous Huxley, Shakespeare and Religion
 
 

Shakespeare's All the World's a Stage quote can be interpreted in two ways... Realistic and Mystic.  The Realistic interpretation is that we have different personalities to act out different roles.  I am Dad, I am Dance Teacher, I am writing a book, etc.  However, if we ask Aldous Huxley, he would say Shakespeare was referencing the Mystic belief that we act out predetermined roles of our Destiny.  Taken to its extreme, this idea suggests there are times in our life when we are puppets on a string acting out our Fated role (perhaps even all the time).  This is a very radical assertion.  I have thought about it for 50 years and I am still not sure what to believe. 

To most people, Reality is just that, 'Reality'.  To be honest, I sort of feel the same way.  If I scream in pain after a car accident, the last thing on my mind is that Reality is an Illusion.  When it comes to pain, I have difficulty feeling philosophical.  That said, I believe what Huxley says.  Not only am I convinced there is a Spiritual World in addition to our Material World, I am convinced I have a Soul that already knows how things will turn out at each stage of my life.  Meanwhile my conscious self lives my life forward constantly surprised at every new twist of the story. 

So what does this say about Free Will?  

Christian theology claims we have Free Will.  The biblical argument for Free Will lies in the fall into sin by Adam and Eve due to their 'willfully chosen' disobedience to God.  However, if Fate exists, do we have Free Will or don't we?  And if we do have Free Will, what about God's Will?  Although I am hardly a Bible scholar, I at least know the Lord's Prayer.  "Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be Done."

In my attempts to reconcile the contradiction, I believe certain things will happen to us and there is not a darn thing we can do to avoid it, mostly because we don't even know it is coming.  In regards to these events, if there is any Free Will at all, we get to decide how we feel about the event and we get to decide what we want to do about it. 

One thing I do not recommend is a Fatalistic attitude.  This joke explains my point rather well. 

It rained for days and days and now there was a terrible flood of near-Biblical proportions.   The water rose so high that Elizabeth, a devout lady who lived in a remote country house, was forced to scramble to the top of her roof for safety.  Elizabeth was comfortable enough.  She dressed warmly and wore a poncho.   After securing a large umbrella to the chimney for added protection, she was completely dry in the pouring rain.   To pass the time, Elizabeth read her Bible and prayed to be saved. 

As the waters rose higher, a giant log bumped into the side of the house and stopped.  For a moment, Elizabeth was tempted to slide down the roof and grab onto that log.  But then she decided it was too risky, so she stayed put.  Moments later, the log was gone. 

An hour later, a man in a rowboat came up to the house and told Elizabeth to get in.

Elizabeth replied, "No, thank you, kind sir, the Lord will save me!"

After considerable arguing, the man gave up and rowed away.   The waters rose to the edge of the roof, but Elizabeth was unconcerned.  She was convinced God would take care of her.   Two hours later, the waters had risen so high that Elizabeth was forced to put on wading boots lest her feet get wet.  The situation was really bad, but fortunately a helicopter just happened to come by.  The pilot urged Elizabeth to get in now or risk drowning.

"No, thank you, kind sir, the Lord will save me!"

The pilot had no time to argue, so he flew away.   Minutes later, the waters surged dramatically.  Elizabeth climbed to the top of the chimney, but she slipped and fell into the rushing waters.  After drowning, Elizabeth went to heaven where she met God.

"Lord, I don't understand," Elizabeth said, "I prayed and prayed for you to save me.  Why didn't you save me?"

The Lord shook his head in frustration.

"Good grief, Elizabeth, what did you expect?  I sent a log, a boat and a helicopter.  Would it hurt for you to work with me a little bit?"


By my way thinking, Elizabeth is a victim.  Save me, save me.  However, I am hardly blameless.  I had all kinds of terrible things happen to me during my childhood and developmental years.  As we shall see, I was one heck of a screwed up kid.  So when did I stop being a victim?  Oddly enough, my awakening came due to one of the worst defeats of my life.   A couple years after I retired from teaching dance, an unusually lucrative business opportunity fell in my lap.  This offer was too good to be true, so I assumed God must be sending me a message to get back in the game.  In retrospect, that is probably exactly the message I was being sent.  So I dutifully went about setting up a new dance program.  To make a long story short, I failed miserably. 

I also reached another conclusion.  I did fail, but I should not have failed.  So why feel guilty?  I did the best I could!  What more can anyone ask?  Why sit around feeling sorry for myself?  By accepting that Fate is stronger than my own Will, there was no reason to remain a victim.  More often than not, God rewards those who help themselves.  Not always, I thought with a grimace, but most of the time.  So I failed, but I failed because God wanted me to learn important lessons.  First, stop taking credit for all the success.  Second, as long as I do my best, don't feel so bad when I fail.  Three, rather than wallow in pity, get up and try again. 

Okay, got it.  Time to move on.  If teaching dance is no longer my Destiny, now what?  Take a guess what crossed my mind.

As I began to write Magic Carpet Ride, a strange thought occurred to me.  As I reviewed my list of events I thought were out of the ordinary, I was staggered by the total.  Gosh, there sure have been a lot of weird things that have happened to me.  Is it possible my life is stranger than the average person?  If so, could there be a reason?  Here is what I believe.  I believe I have lived a very strange life because it is my Fate to write a very convincing book about the existence of Fate.  With that in mind, let the convincing begin.

   001          
   002          
   003          
   004          
   005          
   006          
   007          
   008      
   009          
   010      
   011          
   012          
   013          
   014          
   015      
 
 


FIRESIDE CHAT - VOLTAIRE
 
 

Rick Archer's Note: 

What does it take for someone to believe in God?   Most people agree a Big Miracle would do it.  Others say the return of Jesus would be wonderful.  As we know, ever since Jesus departed, Miracles on a grand scale have been in short supply.  If there is one thing people complain about, God stays pretty much out of sight.  Ever since Biblical times, modern audiences have grown skeptical of His existence due to a serious Miracle drought.  If God were to part the Mediterranean Sea or ask Jesus to walk across the Mississippi River once in a while, I think attendance at church would double overnight.  But that is wishful thinking.  I think we can all agree God has kept a low profile since the remarkable days when Jesus walked the Earth.

Maybe we are looking in the wrong place.  Did it ever dawn on anybody that the sinking of the Titanic might be a Miracle?  Or maybe we should call it a 'Reverse Miracle'.  The thing is, no one can figure out why God would seemingly go out of his way to sink this ship.  You can hear the whispers.  "Sinking the Titanic was an evil thing to do."

The sinking of the Titanic was hardly the first time people have scratched their heads wondering what God's purpose is.  For example, in 1755, a terrible earthquake took place in Lisbon, Portugal.  It was the holiest of days, a celebration known as the Feast of All Saints.  The earthquake could not have hit at a worse time.  Faithful believers were attending church.  The tremblers were so powerful that the church roofs caved in, killing the screaming worshippers inside.  A huge tsunami hit and killed even more helpless souls.  The death toll was huge, somewhere around 40,000.  It really upset people to see the atheists survive because they skipped church.  The remaining believers were stunned.  For good reason, their faith in God was badly shaken.  God's loyal followers deserved to be saved! 

 

There was a lot of soul-searching as people tried to understand why God would let this happen to good Christians.  That made sense.  The Lisbon Earthquake was the sort of event that has a way of shaking the faith. 

One man who took the Lisbon tragedy to heart was Voltaire, the French Philosopher.  In Voltaire’s mind, he believed God created man, instilled a sense of good and evil, then stepped back to observe.  Voltaire hated religious fanaticism.  He was disgusted to watch Protestants and Catholics kill each other in defense of obscure religious doctrine they scarcely understood themselves.  Voltaire despised religious leaders who exploited the credulity of believers to maintain their own power base.

Given his heresy and the hostility it generated, it is a wonder Voltaire kept his head during those intolerant times.  Be that as it may, Voltaire spent his life trying to answer this question: "If God is good, why does he permit the presence of evil in the world?" 

In my case, during college I spent two solid years asking the same question.  My ultimate conclusion is that Fate is part of life and that it is pointless to disagree with God about it.  The bad news about Fate is that going to church is no guarantee the roof won't fall in.  The good news is that if Fate exists, then I assume God exists as well.  However, that brings up another question.  How do I prove to myself that Fate exists?

My answer, of course, was to pay close attention to Coincidence.  To me, there are certain Coincidences that have FATE written all over them.  Of course I would love to see a Big Miracle, but I am willing to settle for lots of small miracles like Coincidences.  Over time, if I pay very careful attention, once in a while something will happen that is so weird it seems like God is deliberately tipping his hand.  To me, a weird event is God's way of reminding me He is still around. 
 
 
Humans like to think we are the dominant species due to our intelligence, but sometimes we can be really stupid.  For centuries, the scientists assured everyone the Earth was flat.  Indeed, many sailors who went with Columbus on his fateful voyage were terrified they might actually fall off the Earth. 

Copernicus proved the existence of human stupidity beyond dispute when he theorized the Earth revolves around the sun in 1543.  No one believed him!  Incredibly, the Catholic Church actually put people to death for the crime of agreeing with Copernicus.  If we fail to challenge our understanding of the Universe every time we find a situation that defies explanation, we cut off any chance to further the progress of human knowledge. 

My reason for pointing out Columbus and Copernicus is to remind the Reader that just because an idea is new and strange does not disqualify it from being true.  Although Cosmic Blindness is a weird theory, I have come to place stock in it.  A review of my Observation List contains 18 examples of Cosmic Blindness during my first 34 years.  At age 34, the mystical events disappeared from sight and my life stayed normal for 17 years.  Then came Marla.  In the space of 24 hours, I came across four instances indicative of Cosmic Blindness.

The first incident of Blindness was Rick's Invisibility followed by Marla's Awakening.  To me, the moment Marla began to see me with new eyes, it occurred to me that she and I were scheduled to connect on this trip.  However, for that timing to work, Marla could not know I existed.  Through Cosmic Blindness, I was hidden in plain sight for the past six months.

The second incident of Blindness was Marla's six-year relationship with Chris.  As she related one story after another how Chris mistreated her, my overriding thought was "Why didn't you just leave him?"  The funny thing is she asked herself the same question. 

The third incident of Blindness began when Marla jumped to the wrong conclusion that I was a sneak and a womanizer.  With her perceptions colored by the Ashley Rumor, Marla saw four examples that day that I was chasing other women in addition to her.  The reality is that I was not chasing anyone but Marla.

The fourth incident of Blindness came when I totally flipped out over Marla's apparent interest in Darren.  The reality is that Marla was hurt because she believed I was playing the field at her expense.  When Marla decided to give me a taste of my own medicine, I bought her performance hook, line and sinker.  Devastated, I was needlessly forced to undergo my Dark Night of the Soul.  

Based on my Observations, I conclude that Fate is enacted through Lucky Breaks such as winning the lottery, Bad Breaks such as accidents, Coincidences such as meeting Marla, and Cosmic Blindness as displayed in the Day of Confusion.  The curious thing about our Day of Confusion is that it was created by the Ashley Rumor.  What an odd coincidence.  First of all, Ashley had no business telling Jane in the first place.  Second, Ashley neglected to tell me she had broken her side of the promise.  Third, Jane, who no doubt had been sworn to secrecy by Ashley, could not wait to spread the news.  Fourth, Jane just happened to tell Marla.  Gee, what a small world.  Fifth, Ashley and Lawrence just happened to be on this cruise.  Sixth, Ashley just happened to be in the morning dance class.  By greeting Ashley warmly, I inadvertently validated Marla's mindset that I was chasing other women.

Our Day of Confusion resembled a plot ripped from Othello or Romeo and Juliet, tragedies caused by serious misunderstandings.  However, there is one major difference.  Othello and Romeo and Juliet are works of fiction.  The Day of Confusion is a true story.  I understand that lies and rumors and gossip are part of everyday life.  However, at an instinctual level, it felt to me at the time that something very strange was taking place in my life.  Once I learned the truth about the Ashley Rumor, in hindsight I believed we consistently jumped to the wrong conclusion because our minds were manipulated by Cosmic Blindness.

Why should I expect the Reader will accept my theory?   After all, Cosmic Blindness is an idea that is unfamiliar to most people.  Furthermore, there are other perfectly good explanations for why Marla and I got off on the wrong foot.  That said, keep in mind that 22 separate incidents in this book cite 'Cosmic Blindness' as a potential explanation for someone's crazy behavior.  The Reader does not have to accept my theory to appreciate the stories.  However, it would help if the Reader at least understands how I arrived at my theory.  For this reason, the time has come to make my case for the existence of Cosmic Blindness. 
 

  
 

The most glaring example of Cosmic Blindness I have ever come across belongs to Captain Smith's decisions on the night of the Titanic disaster.  Poor Captain Smith.  In hindsight, there can be no doubt that Smith's judgment was impaired on the night of the tragedy. But why? Why was he so blind to danger?

After 50 years of maritime experience, Smith was considered the best captain in the fleet.  Yet on the night of the tragedy, Captain Smith appeared to lose his mind.  Smith was so reckless it is not hard to imagine his mind had been rendered blank in a Cosmic way.  Consider the facts. 

Smith had been warned several times by other ships that a thick ice field lay in his ship's path.  Making matters worse, there was little visibility due to the darkness of a new moon.  So why did Smith order his ship to charge full speed into a known ice field at NIGHT?  This ice field was so thick the experts now agree there was no way an accident could have been avoided under these conditions.  Sure enough, research indicates the Titanic may have hit the very first iceberg it came to. 

There have been many explanations over the years.  Here is my take.  Can anyone give me a better explanation than Cosmic Blindness why a seasoned officer like Captain Smith would behave so irrationally?  I contend Smith's common sense may very well have been removed to allow the Titanic to meet its Fate.  The thought that we are doomed to make terrible mistakes is not a cheerful one, not popular at all.  But we may not have a choice in the matter. 

 
 

Rick Archer's Note:

During my long talk about Fate with Marla, she asked one question that I dodged because it was far too controversial.  

"Rick, if I follow your theory to its logical conclusion, we don't choose our partners, our partners are chosen for us."

Unfortunately, I am not spiritually advanced.  Lacking insight, the only answer I could have given was something I once read.  Please keep in mind this is Eastern doctrine; I personally have no idea if it is true or not.  So here goes: The Mystic point of view involves Reincarnation.  The Mystics say our Soul chooses a life script in advance of rebirth.  Therefore, in a sense, our soul chooses our partners well ahead of time, and then our conscious mind thinks it is doing the choosing during the incarnation.  Once we are born, our memory of the Soul Choices is erased and our life unfolds accordingly as our Destiny.  Since our conscious mind has only a glimmer of what lies ahead, most of what happens to us comes as a surprise.  And yet once in a while we have a vague feeling we know what's coming next.

Once we are born, what we call our 'Life' consists of our conscious mind watching a movie starring ourselves written by our Soul.  As our ego wonders what will happen to the main character next, in fact the outcome was determined long ago.  So, yes, we do have Free Will, but only at the "Soul Level". 

This doctrine is understandably very difficult to accept.  For one thing, it implies that every lousy thing that happens to us is something our Higher Being chose for us before birth.  If this concept is true, my guess is we have a lot less Free Will than we think we do.  Not the most cheerful idea. 

On the other hand, I am not willing to base my daily decisions on concepts I openly admit I do not understand.   Since I am pretty much in the dark about these ideas, I go ahead and assume I have Free Will anyway.  I prefer to wake up each morning and assume I have the freedom to plan my day.  Maybe I have Free Will and maybe I don't, but until someone comes along to explain the fine details, I act as if I have the freedom to make my own decisions.  It's the only way I know to enjoy life. 

“A man’s fate is a man’s fate and life is but an illusion.”
― James Clavell, Shogun, Part 1

As it turns out, I am not the only one who thinks about these issues.  Aldous Huxley is a celebrated English writer who was nominated for the Nobel Literature Prize seven times.  Huxley wrote extensively about Mysticism.  On his death bed, Huxley dictated an essay concerning the mystical views of William Shakespeare.  Huxley suggested Shakespeare was a Mystic whose plays such as the Tempest and Midsummer Night's Dream referenced the Hidden World. 

"All the World's a Stage, and all the men and women are merely players.  They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts."  -- W. Shakespeare

It was Huxley's contention that Shakespeare believed in 'Maya', the Eastern concept that states Reality is but an Illusion.  'Maya' connotes a magic show, an illusion where the things we see appear to be real and present, but are not what they seem.  'Maya' is the mist which prevents us from seeing the Hidden World that parallels Reality.

"In the Tempest, Prospero enunciates the doctrine of Maya.  The world is an illusion, but it is an illusion we must take seriously, because it is real as far as it goes, and in those aspects of the reality which we are capable of apprehending.  Our business is to wake up.  We have to find ways in which to detect the whole of reality in the one illusory part which our self-centered consciousness permits us to see. 

We must not live thoughtlessly, mistaking our illusion for the complete reality, but at the same time we must not live too thoughtfully in the sense of trying to escape from the dream state.  We must continually be on watch for ways in which we may enlarge our consciousness.  We must not attempt to live outside the world, which is given us, but we must somehow learn how to transform it and transfigure it.  One must find a way of being in this world while not being of it."   -- Aldous Huxley, Shakespeare and Religion
 

Huxley's take on Shakespeare suggests there are others besides me who question the nature of Reality.  However, don't come to me for a description of how the Hidden World operates.  As I have stated, I am not a Mystic.  I possess no secret knowledge and I have never seen the Hidden World.  Like I said, I am limited to reading what people such as Aldous Huxley say and digest it as best I can.  The ideas I express are simply my best guess on how things work based on reading, observation and reflection.

Shakespeare's All the World's a Stage quote can be interpreted in two ways... Realistic and Mystic.  The Realistic interpretation is that we have different personalities to act out different roles.  However, if you ask Aldous Huxley, he would say that Shakespeare referenced the Mystic belief that we act out the predetermined roles of our Destiny.  Taken to its extreme, this idea suggests there are times in our life when we are puppets on a string acting out our Fated role (perhaps even all the time).  This is a very radical assertion.  I have thought about it for 50 years and I am still not sure what to believe. 

To most people, Reality is just that, 'Reality'.  To be honest, I sort of feel the same way.  If I have a car accident and scream in pain, the last thing on my mind is that Reality is an Illusion.  And yet that is what Aldous Huxley suggests.  Unfortunately, when it comes to pain, I am unlikely to be in a philosophical mood.  That said, deep down I believe what Huxley says.  Although I regret my inability to transcend the limits of my flesh and blood existence, I am firmly convinced there is a Spiritual World in addition to a Material World.

Huxley contends it is important to 'Wake Up' rather than go through Life unaware that things may not be what they seem.  Huxley is well aware that very few people would ever guess they are acting out 'Scripted Events'.  Huxley laments that our lack of awareness prevents us from recognizing Fated situations.  We fail to recognize the subtle whispers of Fate because we sleepwalk through our lives.  This is unfortunate.  We may be so distracted by an unexpected turn of events that we fail to see the best solution to the problem. 

"We must not attempt to live outside the world, which is given us, but we must somehow learn how to transform it and transfigure it.  One must find a way of being in this world while not being of it."  -- A. Huxley

Huxley suggests that we live our lives with one foot in Reality and one foot in Mysticism.  Easier said than done.  If I am pinned down on Normandy beach by a German machine gun, I cannot imagine telling myself that I am witnessing an Illusion.  Nevertheless, that is what Huxley is driving at.  Even when we suffer, we must never forget there is more to this world than meets the eye.  The choice here is profound.  Many people go through Life without the slightest idea the events around them may be Fated.  So they drift through the event.  Huxley wants us to stop passing through Life on autopilot.  We should grab the steering wheel and make conscious decisions on how best to react.  In other words, act out your part in the movie, but detach yourself to be in the audience at the same time. 

When I was young, I played the victim whenever things went wrong.  Consequently I suffered from bouts of severe depression.  Those depressions lasted a lot longer than they should have because I feared taking the kind of risks that would have freed me from the rut I was in.  However, once I became aware of the concept of Fate, I changed my attitude.  Yes, things still went wrong for me, but my new appreciation of Fate taught me that Bad Luck can sometimes turn into Good Luck if I play my cards right.  Ever since, when something unpleasant befalls me, rather than overreact with anguish and descend into self-pity, I view it as a challenge which needs a solution.

Maybe Huxley is right.  Maybe we really are acting out a giant Cosmic Play with a predestined Script.  In this case, how does someone believe in Free Will when a giant contradiction like Fate stares us in the face?  Just how much of our Lives is scripted in advance and what should we do about it?

The great physicist Stephen Hawking had an interesting take on the matter. 

"I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, always look before they cross the road."
 

Dr. Hawking's suggestion to look both ways parallels my own thinking.  My number one rule is to assume I have Free Will (even if I don't) and that my Life will work best if I follow the well-known rules of Material World Reality.  Jumping off cliffs and asking God for a rescue is not recommended.  There was a time in college when I decided since everything was predetermined, what difference did it make what I did?  So I stopped studying for a week or so.  However, when I got some very poor test results, that was the end of that.  With my pride hurt, I resumed my studies.  I do not know to what extent I have Free Will, but this incident convinced me I must live my life AS IF I have Free Will.  I never fail to put on my seat belt and make sure to get yearly checkups.  If I get sick, I won't be very happy about that.  I may even blame my sickness on Fate.  But I also know my attitude will be much better if I made sure to get my checkup like I was supposed to.  In other words, I cannot avoid my Fate, but let's not make it worse by being stupid. 

Rick's Will or God's Will?  During my courtship of Marla, I knew there was a great risk I might not get what I hoped for.   Even though I believed in Fate, I still had no idea what the outcome would be.  Marla could very easily decide to go back to Chris or take a shine to this surprise threat named Darren.  If I took the risk of pursuing her and it did not go as planned, then welcome to the club.  Nevertheless my attitude was to give it my best shot.  If it turned out that God's Will disagreed with Rick's Will, I could accept things a lot easier knowing I had done my best.  That was essentially the conclusion I reached during my Dark Night of the Soul.  Now that I had thought things through to the best of my ability, it was time to go find Marla and take my chances.  God Willing, things would work out.

And guess who was standing right outside the door?  "The harder I work, the luckier I get."

For argument's sake, if Huxley is right, would you rather go through life blissfully unaware that you are a puppet on a string?  Or would you rather go through Life fully aware that even if you are being manipulated by unseen forces, there might be something smart you can do about it?  

I admit I find it depressing to think I might be a puppet on a string.  Let me offer an example.  I think I am writing this book.  But maybe I am not.  Maybe the words are being dictated to me.  I am little better than a stenographer.  However, what good does it do to complain about it?  Since I enjoy writing my book, I simply assume I am in charge and leave it at that. 

 

I get happy when things go my way and frustrated when they don't.  Even if I am not pleased with the hand dealt me, I accept my Fate willingly because I am in awe of the Supreme Intelligence capable of creating this immense Stage we call 'Reality'.  If, God Willing, I win, that's great.  If not, I console myself for doing the best I could with the hand I was dealt.  

That is why I agree with Aldous Huxley when he states "One must find a way of being in this world while not being of it."  I believe Huxley means we must play the game by the Rules of Reality, but stay alert if there is more to a situation than meets the eye.  In other words, go through each experience as best one can, but don't forget to wink.  Even if it is true I am a puppet on a string, it is still fun to play the game.  Rather than curse my "Fate", I take one step back and ask myself what is the best way to play my hand.  My satisfaction comes playing each hand to the best of my ability. 

Let me add that if I am Fated to suffer through a truly horrible event, it helps considerably to believe there is more to my existence than what the materialists claim.  Let's say I am blinded in an accident.  Hopefully I will accept my suffering as best I can and learn something from the experience.  The way I see it, the acceptance of Fate empowers me.  There are those who go through life thinking when something bad happens, they are the victim.  They believe Life is being mean to them and feel helpless to do much about it.  Lord knows I've been there enough times.  However, the acceptance of Fate gives me a healthier perspective.  Rather than look at each setback as a hopeless disaster and give up, I try to see it as a potential learning experience.  I have seen many 'Bad Luck' situations turn into 'Good Luck' simply by refusing to quit.

"The harder I work, the luckier I get."  I live by that idea.  
 
 

A quick scan of the Internet uncovers surveys which suggest a high percentage of American citizens believe in God.  Depending on how the question is worded, 75-80% believe in the existence of God.  Although no one can prove what the truth is, the belief in a Supreme Being is very high despite what the skeptical scientists say.  'Fate' does not do as well.  Belief levels hover around 50%.  Worldwide belief in Reincarnation lies at 50%.  This makes sense.  After all, the concept of Reincarnation is linked with Karma, a concept similar to Fate.  As it turns out, belief in Reincarnation varies dramatically by country.  For example, belief in Reincarnation drops to 25% in the USA.  However, if you ask that question to someone in India, the percentage rises to 75%.  Obviously the difference can be attributed to Hindu religion in India and Christianity in America. 

I find it interesting that 80% of American citizens believe in Miracles.  Synonyms for 'Miracle' include godsend, divine blessing, lucky break, manna from heaven, and windfall.  The concept of Miracle is often linked to Divine Intervention.  This well-known religious principle claims God has the power to cause something good to happen or be able to prevent something bad from happening if it His will.

Has anyone ever given any thought to the possibility that God can also cause us to have problems?  This is hardly a pleasant thought, but we all know the belief that God interferes for Bad as well as Good goes all the way back to Adam and Eve.  Following their disobedience, God curses man to a lifetime of hard labor and woman to the pain of childbirth and subordination to her husband.

The purpose of this discussion is to suggest that Divine Intervention is not necessarily something we will thank Him for.  If we can credit God for Good Luck, why stop there?  Maybe God deserves credit for what we call 'Bad Luck' as well, stuff like getting thrown out of graduate school.  As John Lennon once put it, "Life is what happens while you are making other plans."  When I got myself thrown out of graduate school, I was certain I must be the unluckiest guy on earth.  I kicked myself every day for four years for opening my big mouth.  But what if my better judgment was deliberately removed by a higher power?   I refer to the possibility of Cosmic Blindness. 

Several years after my graduate school defeat, a series of baffling coincidences propelled me to more career success than I ever imagined possible.  I did not get just one lucky break, I got 20 within a three year period.  In fact, my Good Luck was so unusually powerful that I began to wonder what on earth was going on.  No one deserves to be this lucky!  As each new door opened, I grew more and more suspicious that someone up there liked me after all.  Which was an odd feeling considering I felt more cursed than blessed prior to this streak of lucky breaks.

One of those lucky breaks involved keeping my mouth shut at a key moment when my boss was going ballistic.  The guy was completely off base, but I chose to stay silent.  Without the painful lesson I had learned in Graduate School, I would never have avoided speaking my mind.  In other words, my graduate school failure saved me from making a similar mistake during my supernatural climb.  'Now isn't that curious?', I thought.  Thanks to that insight, I had passed a very difficult test.  My first reaction was maybe Failure isn't as terrible as I thought.  But wouldn't it be nice if God had explained my trials and tribulations in Graduate School had a purpose to them?

We all agree we would be happy if God would come back and part the Red Sea again.  Or let Jesus return and walk on water, maybe raise a few people from the dead.  No doubt 'Belief in God' would approach 100%.  But God is a lot more subtle these days.   We all know God doesn't explain when something better might be around the corner.  In my case, I still wished some angel had dropped by to offer a reassuring chat following my humiliating defeat in Graduate School.

 

"Gosh, Rick, we know how hard you worked and it was a really tough break that you got on the wrong side of that professor.  But here's the deal.  We have something even better in store for you!   Someday those lessons you learned in Graduate School are going to come in very handy.  Calm down, cheer up, your failure in Grad School was all part of the Plan." 

One of my favorite sayings is "The harder I work, the luckier I seem to get."  Maybe so, but let me that hard work is no guarantee.  For example, I worked my ass off in Graduate School.  Except for my one nemesis, my teachers liked me.  They agreed I had all the talent necessary to do well as a therapist.  Not only did I make some very good grades, I had my heart set on becoming a therapist.  There is no way I should have failed!  But fail I did, quite possibly for a higher purpose.

Based on this experience, I believe I have no choice but to accept the Bad and hope for the Good.  I never know what is coming around the corner.  Sometimes Bad Luck becomes Good Luck.  Sometimes Good Luck turns Bad. 

 

In the case of Graduate School, it was as if success was ripped from between my lips.  Nor was that the only time something like this happened.  I once lost an important scholarship I felt certain to win.

For that matter, curiously enough, six times in my life a woman I loved deeply had been ripped from my lips.  Each time she left under mysterious circumstances.  Now I was facing the same possibility with Marla, my new-found love.  Would she pick me or would she pick Chris? 

And what would I do if Chris was the winner?  If my love for Marla was about to be ripped from my lips, who am I to question God's Will?

Despite my failure in Graduate School, I still live by the motto that hard work is the best policy.  I do this because I have noticed my hard work gets rewarded most of the time.  By chance, I have a perfect example of my faith in hard work.  I have spent the last eight years of my life writing the Magic Carpet Ride.  I am currently working on the seventh rewrite of my book.  Good grief, the book has grown longer than all seven Harry Potter books put together. 

The longer my book gets, the less chance it will ever see the light of day.  But that doesn't stop me from working on it every chance I get.  God has moved mountains for me before, so hopefully He will grant my wish and help.  However, there is no guarantee.  Isn't that what Reality is all about?  If everyone already knew how things would turn out, Life would get kind of boring.  In the meantime, I have done the best I can.  That's good enough for me to be at peace. 

God knows I would like to see my story recognized, so I place my story in His hands.  Thy Will Be Done.

 
Dr. Hilton spoke up.  "Due to your isolation, I would imagine you were unable to experience several important stages in the development of social skills.  What do you think?"

"I agree with you.  Now that I had judged myself inferior, how was I supposed to combat that?  I was a loner by nature and now I was a loner by circumstance.  To avoid further embarrassment, I kept to myself outside of class.  This self-imposed alienation prevented me from acquiring the various secrets of popularity.  I never discovered a way to become interesting.  I had no idea that offering sympathy, encouragement, and compliments was a way to establish rapport.  I never told a story, I never cracked a joke.  I never learned to dance and I never learned how to tease.  I never acquired the knack of showing interest in other people, how to be a good listener and how to start a conversation.  I avoided the telephone like the plague.  As the years passed, my social skills remained in arrested development.  Let me add that I was self-centered to a fault.  It never dawned on me my classmates might be pretty nice if I gave them a chance.  Truly, if I was lonely, a lot of it was my own fault.  I simply lacked the confidence or the skills to make friends.

The only place where I felt any pride was academics, but even here I felt handicapped.  I was competing with the smartest children in the city.  These students were not only brilliant, they had every advantage anyone could ask for.  It became crystal clear to me that I was a huge underdog in every possible way.  This was the beginning of that huge chip on my shoulder.  It was 'me against the world'.  But I did have one advantage.  As my bitterness grew, I became determined to out-work every single one of my classmates.  I was determined to prove to myself that I was their equal.  Someday I wanted my classmates to accept me.  Unfortunately, to do that, first I had to find a way to overcome all these problems.  I am sorry to say that I never succeeded.  Instead my inadequate social skills created the curse that Mr. Murphy predicted would come back to haunt me someday.  Thanks to that ticking time bomb, I failed Fujimoto's Interviewing class and now I am sitting here in your office feeling sorry for myself."

"It saddens me to say I agree with your conclusions about your St. John's experience.  That marvelous education was indeed a blessing, but without a support system at home, I see where your feelings of inferiority developed.  I also agree that your withdrawal led directly to the problems that have crippled you here in this program."

I nodded.  "To be honest, I am feeling pretty down right now.  It isn't easy reliving this period of my life.  But I do appreciate your help.  I just want you to know how grateful I am for your encouragement."

Dr. Hilton smiled.  "You are more than welcome.  I am proud of you for fighting back.  You have a big heart and you have much to offer this world.  However, your talent and education will never pay off for you until we find a way to get your thin skin and lack of confidence straightened out.  To your credit, you are working hard on catching up.  However I fear you still have a long road ahead.  Fortunately you have your whole life ahead of you.  If we can get your problems ironed out now, the sky is the limit."

 
 
There are those who say that a belief in Fate is an excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.  The story of Elizabeth echoes that sentiment nicely.  Personally, I prefer the adage that God helps those who help themselves.  Samuel Goldwyn, owner of the famous MGM film studio, once said, "I have noticed the harder I work, the luckier I get."  I could not agree more. 

How does Fate affect our Free Will?  Over the course of my life, I have tried to reconcile the contradictory concepts of Free Will versus God's Will.  After much thought, I have decided my life works best when I cooperate with the rules of Reality.  Rather than cross the road without looking and expect God to protect me from oncoming traffic, I stop and look both directions. 

I always I operate my life as if I am in control of my own ship.  However, experience has taught me to expect the unexpected.  Fate is the wild card that makes Life interesting.  As John Lennon once put it, "Life is what happens while you are making other plans."  There is Good Luck and there is Bad Luck.  When I got myself thrown out of graduate school, I was certain I must be the unluckiest guy on earth.  And yet the day came when a series of baffling coincidences propelled me to more career success than I ever imagined possible.  I did not get just one lucky break, I got ten in a row.  In fact, my Good Luck was so unusually powerful that I began to wonder what on earth was going on. 

Not only that, a painful lesson I had learned in Graduate School saved me from making a similar mistake during my climb.  'Now isn't that Suspicious?', I thought.  Without that insight, I would have never passed a very difficult test.  Maybe Failure isn't as terrible as I thought.  Wouldn't it be nice if some angel had dropped in for a reassuring chat after my humiliating defeat at Colorado State?

"Gosh, Rick, we know how hard you worked and it was a really tough break that you got on the wrong side of that professor.  But here's the deal.  We have something even better for you and those lessons you learned in Graduate School are going to come in very handy.  Calm down, your failure in Graduate School was all part of the Plan." 

But we all know that is not how Reality works.  We never know what is coming around the corner.  So we have to accept the Bad and hope for the Good. 

Although I firmly believe in Fate, one thing I have never figured is just how Fate would be administered.  The Adjustment Bureau is a 2011 science fiction film that tells the story of David, a man who discovers that what appear to be chance events in his life are actually being controlled by a powerful and quite mysterious group of men who manipulate events.  For example, two people are not supposed to meet, so David's 'Controller' deliberately makes David spill coffee on his shirt.  The result is David misses his bus.  When David discovers he is being manipulated, one of these mysterious agents explains it his job to ensure people's lives proceed following "The Plan".  David is then warned that if he reveals the existence of the Bureau to anyone else, he will have his memory erased.  

This movie of course was science fiction, so it proves nothing.  What I found interesting was that whoever wrote the story has clearly wondered about the same things that I do.  The plot line closely paralleled my own imagination of unseen beings pulling levers and pulleys behind an invisible curtain.  If there is such as a thing as Fate, then there has to be a mechanism by which Fate is enacted.

Here is an example.  In the previous chapter, I told the story of asking Angel Bush... curious name, huh?... to substitute for me while I took a cruise to Russia in August 2012.  Angel developed a massive headache at exactly the worst possible time where I was concerned.  Not only did Angel fail to teach my class, she was in so much pain she failed to call a friend to pinch-hit because she forgot all about it.  The damage to my dance program was so profound that it never recovered.  This is what we refer to as a 'Coincidence'.  

Most coincidences are mundane and easily dismissed.  A coincidence can be something odd like running into a childhood friend in an unexpected place years later.  Or it can be getting a phone call from a distant relative moments after thinking about the same person for no reason.  Ordinarily we dismiss these moments and swiftly turn our attention elsewhere.  However, we also know that some coincidences can be very unsettling.  Often we have no idea what to make of them.   Once in while, we run across a coincidence that is so unusual that we are forced to stop and consider the possibility of a supernatural explanation.  The headache suffered by Angel Bush would fall into this category.  This was high-impact coincidence that led directly to my downfall.

Have you ever wondered if invisible Guardian Angels are charged with the responsibility of administering Fate?  Did a mysterious Angel give Angel her headache in service of my Fate?  How should I know?  I am a normal flesh and blood guy just like everyone else.  Lacking any sort of psychic powers, the best I can do is observe suspicious events and speculate just like everyone else.  However, I do not stop there.  I keep careful track of every curious event on my 'Observation List'.  My List contains three narrow escapes from death.  A fourth time a woman appeared out of nowhere to talk me down from suicidal thoughts.  A fifth time I made a miraculous move to save a woman from breaking her neck. 

One incident by itself is meaningless, but after a while they start to add up.  At a certain point, there are so many weird events that it gets very difficult NOT to believe in Supernatural Intervention.  When people suggest there is more to this world than meets the eye, I often wonder if this saying refers to the existence of Beings who are invisible to the naked eye. 

So I have a question for the Reader.  Are you confident that the way you view the world is the way it really is?  

Can you think of an important coincidence or strange event in your own life that you found difficult to explain?  Do you ever ask yourself if it is possible that important events in our lives are being manipulated beyond our awareness? 

To illustrate my point, I offer the story of the Church Choir.  This crazy chain of coincidences is a perfect example of why people sometimes shake their head and wonder, "is there REALLY more to this world than meets the eye?" 

 
 


RICK'S OBSERVATION LIST
 
   100          
   099          
   098          
   097          
   096          
   095          
   094          
   093      
   092          
   091      
   090          
   089          
   088          
   087          
   086      
   085          
   084      
   083          
   082          
   081          
   080        
   079      
   078          
   077      
   076          
   075      
   074          
   073      
   072      
   071          
   070          
   069      
   068          
   067          
   066      
   065          
   064          
   063          
   062          
   061      
   060      
   059        
   058          
   057          
   056          
   055          
   054          
   053          
   052      
   051          
   050      
   049          
   048      
   047          
   046          
   045      
   044      
   043          
       
   042      
   041      
   040        
   039          
   038          
   037          
   036          
   035          
   034          
   033          
   032          
   031          
   030      
   029          
   028          
   027          
   026          
   025          
   024          
   023          
   022          
   021          
   020      
   019          
   018      
   017          
   016      
   015          
   014          
   013      
   012          
   011          
   010        
   009          
   008          
   007          
   006      
   005          
   004          
   003          
   002          
   001      

 

   100       Curious Telepathy   Marla and Rick start singing 'People are Strange' simultaneously for no apparent reason

   099

Serious

 Synchronicity   Angel Bush, Maxwell Mayhem
   098

Curious

Coincidence

   Captain Teige Meeting
 

Curious

Predestination

   Cruise Ship Prophecy comes to pass (see #42)
   097

Serious

Predestination

   Gypsy Prophecy foretold by a psychic using Tarot
   096

Serious

 Synchronicity   Fairy Tale Synchronicity: First Night coincidence at Disco, Ashley Rumor misunderstanding, Dark Night of the Soul,
  Second night coincidence outside Rick's cabin
   095

Curious

Cosmic Blindness

   Marla does not know I exist for six months despite my neverending attempts to get her attention
   094

Curious

Coincidence

   Hazel runs into Victoria at the airport, then calls me to discuss it
   093

Serious

Strange Accident

   Gordian Knot accident ruins Waltz performance of Judy and Rick
   092

Curious

Lucky Break

   Halloween photographs taken by Jim Fogo's create a sensation
   091

Curious

Lucky Break

   SSQQ gets it name
   090

Curious

Lucky Break

   Winchester Club creates sensational growth of studio
   089

Curious

 Synchronicity   Western Synchronicity: TGIS, Dance Arts, QQSS Discovery, Leisure Learning, Winchester
   088

Serious

 Lucky Break   Herb Fried cracks the Riddle of the Western Double Turns: QQSS
   087

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Lance Stevens receives Karmic Punishment
   086

Serious

 Lucky Break   Glen Hunsucker Last Second Rescue to Dance Arts
   085

Serious

 Lucky Break   Ted Weisgal hires me to teach for Leisure Learning
   084

Serious

 Lucky Break   Rick meets Linda Shuler at TGIS
   083

Curious

 Lucky Break   Evolution of Western dancing begins
   082

Curious

 Synchronicity   Country Crossroad: Blindness towards Western, Meyerland Club, Joanne, Fright Night, Class Factory
   081

Serious

 Lucky Break   Fright Night
   080

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Plato's Cave: Blind resistance to oncoming Western phenomenon
   079

Curious

 Synchronicity   Clay Felker Synchronicity: Chance visit to Gilley's, Lucky Break to get John Travolta to star in Urban Cowboy
   078

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Meditation on Free Will and Cosmic Blindness
   077

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Twisted Casablanca
   076

Curious

 Lucky Break   Joanne is in right place at right time to help with Western
   075

Curious

 Lucky Break   Meyerland Club
   074

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Jennifer appears out of nowhere to help with Clear Lake
   073

Curious

 Strange Accident   Karate Chop Accident at Annabelle's
   072

Curious

 Strange Accident   Foley's Accident
   071

Serious

 Strange Accident   Lighthouse Accident
   070

Curious

 Coincidence   Rick runs into Earl at Patricia's apartment
   069

Curious

 Strange Accident   Patricia's Split Lip Accident at Spats
   068

Curious

 Coincidence   Patricia's accidental Affirmation Discovery
   067

Curious

 Coincidence   Rick runs into Bob at Patricia's apartment
   066

Curious

 Synchronicity   Year of Living Dangerously: Joanne steals the show, Rock Star Argument, Patricia's Bombshell, Dangerous Liaison,
  Joanne's Appearance at Pistachio, Victoria's Tirade, Inquisition, Devil's Bargain regarding Patricia, Camelot
   065

Curious

 Lucky Break   Joanne wins Battle of the Disco Divas at Victoria's Pistachio Christmas Party
   064

Serious

 Synchronicity   Battle of the Disco Divas: Interaction of Victoria, Patricia, and Joanne doubles Rick's dance program
   063

Curious

 Synchronicity   Summer of 78: Marion, Jenny, Marilyn, Karen, Nancy, Victoria
   062

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Stevens' hasty decision to rent rooms to Rick for group lessons
   061

Serious

 Lucky Break   Donna Gordon of Class Factory hands me the break of a lifetime
   060

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Ritz Silver Lining: Cold War with Lance Stevens leads to Blindness
   059

Curious

 Strange Accident   The Ritz Disaster
   058

Curious

 Synchronicity   The Three Mentors: Patsy Swayze, Gaye Brown-Burke, Rosalyn Lively
   057

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Eric loses his job after challenging Lance Stevens
   056

Serious

 Synchronicity   Partner Dance Crisis: Gary, Stevens, Sue Ann, Janie, and Suzy help create 'New Yorker' partner dance system
   055

Curious

 Coincidence   Rick helps Dr. Ballantyne save his tropical plant collection
   054

Curious

 Coincidence   Mrs. Ballantyne appears out of nowhere at Stevens of Hollywood to renew our friendship
   053

Serious

 Synchronicity   Crossroad Synchronicity: Spotlight Effect, Incompetence Effect, Right Place at Right Time
   052

Curious

 Synchronicity   Robert Stigwood Synchronicity: John Travolta, Nik Cohn, Bee Gees, Norman Wexler
   051

Serious

 Lucky Break   Disco Line Dance class job handed to Rick at Stevens of Hollywood
   050

Curious

 Lucky Break   Revelation following Graduation Night at Rubaiyat
   049

Curious

 Lucky Break   Rosalyn's Gift of line dance class at Memorial JCC
   048

Serious

 Lucky Break   Rosalyn's Gift of summer line dance class at Braeswood JCC
   047

Curious

 Coincidence   Weird Bomb Scare at JCC sends Rick's first-ever dance class into parking lot
   046

Curious

 Lucky Break   Roberta's request for me to take over her class
   045

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Becky and I perform the Sidecar acrobatic lift
   044 

Serious

 Lucky Break   Gaye's strong intervention lifts Rick out of serious depression
   043

Curious

 Predestination   Precognitive fantasy in Gaye's office regarding Cruise trips (see #100)
   042

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Katie Disaster at Melody Lane
   041

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Inability to invite Katie to join Rick at Melody Lane
   040

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Celeste at Phoney Baloney Dance Studio
   039

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Manimal attack at Farmhouse
   038

Curious

  Lucky Break   Rick runs into Celeste at Rice University
   037

Curious

  Lucky Break   River Oaks Seven vanquished
   036

Curious

 Synchronicity   Alice in Strange Wonderland: Gay Siberia, Casa Mark, Lucy and Jill, Farmhouse, Gloria
   035

Curious

 Lucky Break   Mark and Donna's Dance Intervention
   034

Serious

 Coincidence  Rachel phones Rick with perfect timing
   033

Curious

 Coincidence   Swimming Pool encounter with Gloria
   032

Curious

 Coincidence   Magic Mirror
   031

Serious

 Synchronicity   Karmic Test of Fire: Gay Gauntlet, River Oaks Seven, Sasquatch, Disco Dave proposition, Parking Lot Inferno
   030

Serious

 Synchronicity   Dance Path Synchronicity: Rejection Phobia, Courtesan Book, Stalled Car Incident at Casa Yolanda, Drag Queen Lynn
   029

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Importance of Rivers Oaks Seven
   028

Curious

  Unlucky Break   Drag Queen Lynn
   027

Serious

 Coincidence   Stalled Car Incident at Yolanda's house
   026

Serious

 Coincidence   Discovery of Vanessa's name in Courtesan convinces Rick to buy the book
   025

Curious

 Synchronicity   Epic Losing Streak:  Jason, Learned Helplessness, Point of No Return, Christine, Debbie, Dr. Hilton's Intervention
   024

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick's inability to realize the danger of talking too much results in 'D' in Dr. Fujimoto's class
   023

Curious

 Synchronicity   Vanessa:  Portland Woman song, Kenny, Teresa the Lesbian, Break-In, Jackie reveals the truth about Vanessa
   022

Serious

 Predestination   Camp Counselor Daydream predicts summer job
   021

Serious

 Telepathy   Vickie the psychic and the Ghost of Terry
   020

Curious

  Unlucky Break   Astrology eye injury
   019

Curious

 Lucky Break   Strange Warning at the Graduate Reading Room leads to Magical Mystery Tour
   018

Serious

  Coincidence   Emily and Eric Taxi Coincidence at the Train Station
   017

Serious

 Coincidence   Senior Prom Cheryl appears out of nowhere
   016

Curious

 Lucky Break   Close Call Car Accident
   015

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Senior Year Blind Spot
   014

Serious

 Lucky Break   Fateful Meeting with Mrs. Ballantyne at Weingarten's parking lot
   013

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Despite Rick's obsession, Mrs. Ballantyne and Rick fail to connect at SJS for 9 years
   012

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Caught cheating on German test due to amazing coincidence
   011

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick's Mother forgets about child support
   010

Serious

 Lucky Break  Mr. Ocker runs into Rick at grocery store and offers him a job
   009

Curious

  Lucky Break   Neal's sucker punch training allows Rick to defeat Harold in shower room fight
   008

Serious

 Coincidence   One in a million Basketball strike on Rick's swollen face
   007

Serious

 Coincidence   Rick's Mother mysteriously fails to take him to doctor following serious acne attack
   006

Curious

 Coincidence   Discovery of chess book helps Rick defeat Taxi Cab driver Neal at chess
   005

Curious

 Coincidence   Rick wins the Kern Tips football book in drawing
   004

Curious

 Lucky Break   Rick's Father's affair creates divorce which leads to Rick's education at St. John's
   005

Curious

 Lucky Break   Mr. Powell takes Rick under his wing in the 6th Grade.  He teaches Rick how to write and offers his friendship
   003

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick's Mother loses her mind and lets Terry run free in a hurricane, near-death insanity at Blue Christmas
   002

Serious

 Coincidence   Rick's sudden impulse to play arcade game saves Rick and his father from Death at Stock Car accident
   001

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick cuts his eye out by pulling knife in wrong direction
 

 

    

 


OBSERVATION LIST OF 100 POTENTIAL FATED EVENTS
   100          
   099          
   098          
   097          
   096          
   095          
   094          
   093      
   092          
   091      
   090          
   089          
   088          
   087          
   086      
   085          
   084      
   083          
   082          
   081          
   080        
   079      
   078          
   077      
   076          
   075      
   074          
   073      
   072      
   071          
   070          
   069      
   068          
   067          
   066      
   065          
   064          
   063          
   062          
   061      
   060      
   059        
   058          
   057          
   056          
   055          
   054          
   053          
   052      
   051          
   050      
   049          
   048      
   047          
   046          
   045      
   044      
   043          
   042      
   041      
   040        
   039          
   038          
   037          
   036          
   035          
   034          
   033          
   032          
   031          
   030      
   029          
   028          
   027          
   026          
   025          
   024          
   023          
   022          
   021          
   020      
   019          
   018      
   017          
   016      
   015          
   014          
   013      
   012          
   011          
   010        
   009          
   008          
   007          
   006      
   005          
   004          
   003          
   002          
   001      

 

   100

Curious

Predestination

   Cruise Ship Prophecy
   099

Curious

Coincidence

   Captain Teige Meeting on Rick and Marla's Wedding Cruise
   098

Serious

Predestination

   Gypsy Prophecy foretold by a psychic using Tarot
   097

Curious

Predestination

   Review of the Titanic Tragedy and Captain Smith's Cosmic Blindness
   096

Curious

Coincidence

   Accidental meeting with Marla at a Midnight Mixer starts starts Rick and Marla's Fairy Tale Romance
   095

Curious

Cosmic Blindness

   Marla does not know I exist for six months despite my attempts to get her attention
   094

Curious

Cosmic Blindness

   Marla remains in a six year relationship with a man who mistreats her
   093

Curious

Coincidence

   Hazel runs into Victoria at the airport, then calls me to discuss it
   092

Serious

Strange Accident

   Gordian Knot accident ruins Waltz performance of Judy and Rick
   091

Curious

Lucky Break

   Halloween photographs taken by Jim Fogo's create a sensation
   090

Curious

Lucky Break

   SSQQ gets it name
   089

Curious

Lucky Break

   Winchester Club creates sensational growth of studio
   088

Curious

 Synchronicity   Western Synchronicity: TGIS, Dance Arts, QQSS Discovery, Leisure Learning, Winchester
   087

Serious

 Lucky Break   Herb Fried cracks the Riddle of the Western Double Turns: QQSS
   086

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Lance Stevens receives Karmic Punishment
   085

Serious

 Lucky Break   Glen Hunsucker Last Second Rescue to Dance Arts
   084

Serious

 Lucky Break   Ted Weisgal hires me to teach for Leisure Learning
   083

Serious

 Lucky Break   Rick meets Linda Shuler at TGIS
   082

Curious

 Lucky Break   Evolution of Western dancing begins
   081

Curious

 Synchronicity   Country Crossroad: Blindness towards Western, Meyerland Club, Joanne, Fright Night, Class Factory
   080

Serious

 Lucky Break   Fright Night
   079

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Plato's Cave: Blind resistance to oncoming Western phenomenon
   078

Curious

 Synchronicity   Clay Felker Synchronicity: Chance visit to Gilley's, Lucky Break to get John Travolta to star in Urban Cowboy
   077

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Meditation on Free Will leads to Rick's theory of Cosmic Blindness
   076

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Twisted Casablanca
   075

Curious

 Lucky Break   Joanne is in right place at right time to help with Western
   074

Curious

 Lucky Break   Meyerland Club
   073

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Jennifer appears out of nowhere to help with Clear Lake
   072

Curious

 Strange Accident   Karate Chop Accident at Annabelle's
   071

Curious

 Strange Accident   Foley's Accident
   070

Serious

 Strange Accident   Lighthouse Accident
   069

Curious

 Coincidence   Rick runs into Earl at Patricia's apartment
   068

Curious

 Strange Accident   Patricia's Split Lip Accident at Spats
   067

Curious

 Coincidence   Patricia's accidental Affirmation Discovery
   066

Curious

 Coincidence   Rick runs into Bob at Patricia's apartment
   065

Curious

 Synchronicity   Year of Living Dangerously: Joanne steals the show, Rock Star Argument, Patricia's Bombshell, Dangerous Liaison,
  Joanne's Appearance at Pistachio, Victoria's Tirade, Inquisition, Devil's Bargain regarding Patricia, Camelot
   064

Curious

 Lucky Break   Joanne wins Battle of the Disco Divas at Victoria's Pistachio Christmas Party
   063

Serious

 Synchronicity   Battle of the Disco Divas: Interaction of Victoria, Patricia, and Joanne doubles Rick's dance program
   062

Curious

 Synchronicity   Summer of 78: Marion, Jenny, Marilyn, Karen, Nancy, Victoria
   061

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Stevens' hasty decision to rent rooms to Rick for group lessons
   060

Serious

 Lucky Break   Donna Gordon of Class Factory hands me the break of a lifetime
   059

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Ritz Silver Lining: Cold War with Lance Stevens leads to Blindness
   058

Curious

 Strange Accident   The Ritz Disaster
   057

Curious

 Synchronicity   The Three Mentors: Patsy Swayze, Gaye Brown-Burke, Rosalyn Lively
   056

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Eric loses his job after challenging Lance Stevens
   055

Serious

 Synchronicity   Partner Dance Crisis: Gary, Stevens, Sue Ann, Janie, and Suzy help create 'New Yorker' partner dance system
   054

Curious

 Coincidence   Rick helps Dr. Ballantyne save his tropical plant collection
   053

Curious

 Coincidence   Mrs. Ballantyne appears out of nowhere at Stevens of Hollywood to renew our friendship
   052

Serious

 Synchronicity   Crossroad Synchronicity: Spotlight Effect, Incompetence Effect, Right Place at Right Time
   051

Curious

 Synchronicity   Robert Stigwood Synchronicity: John Travolta, Nik Cohn, Bee Gees, Norman Wexler
   050

Serious

 Lucky Break   Disco Line Dance class job handed to Rick at Stevens of Hollywood
   049

Curious

 Lucky Break   Revelation following Graduation Night at Rubaiyat
   048

Curious

 Lucky Break   Rosalyn's Gift of line dance class at Memorial JCC
   047

Serious

 Lucky Break   Rosalyn's Gift of summer line dance class at Braeswood JCC
   046

Curious

 Coincidence   Weird Bomb Scare at JCC sends Rick's first-ever dance class into parking lot
   045

Curious

 Lucky Break   Roberta's request for me to take over her class
   044

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Becky and I perform the Sidecar acrobatic lift
   043

Serious

 Lucky Break   Gaye's strong intervention lifts Rick out of serious depression
 

Curious

 Predestination   Precognitive fantasy in Gaye's office regarding Cruise trips (see #100)
   042

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Katie Disaster at Melody Lane
   041

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Inability to invite Katie to join Rick at Melody Lane
   040

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Celeste at Phoney Baloney Dance Studio
   039

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Manimal attack at Farmhouse
   038

Curious

  Lucky Break   Rick runs into Celeste at Rice University
   037

Curious

  Lucky Break   River Oaks Seven vanquished
   036

Curious

 Synchronicity   Alice in Strange Wonderland: Gay Siberia, Casa Mark, Lucy and Jill, Farmhouse, Gloria
   035

Curious

 Lucky Break   Mark and Donna's Dance Intervention
   034

Serious

 Coincidence  Rachel phones Rick with perfect timing
   033

Curious

 Coincidence   Swimming Pool encounter with Gloria
   032

Curious

 Coincidence   Magic Mirror
   031

Serious

 Synchronicity   Karmic Test of Fire: Gay Gauntlet, River Oaks Seven, Sasquatch, Disco Dave proposition, Parking Lot Inferno
   030

Serious

 Synchronicity   Dance Path Synchronicity: Rejection Phobia, Courtesan Book, Stalled Car Incident at Casa Yolanda, Drag Queen Lynn
   029

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Importance of Rivers Oaks Seven
   028

Curious

  Unlucky Break   Drag Queen Lynn
   027

Serious

 Coincidence   Stalled Car Incident at Yolanda's house
   026

Serious

 Coincidence   Discovery of Vanessa's name in Courtesan convinces Rick to buy the book
   025

Curious

 Synchronicity   Epic Losing Streak:  Jason, Learned Helplessness, Point of No Return, Christine, Debbie, Dr. Hilton's Intervention
   024

Curious

 Synchronicity   Vanessa:  Portland Woman, Kenny, Teresa the Lesbian, Break-In, Jackie reveals the truth about Vanessa
   023

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick's inability to realize the danger of talking too much results in 'D' in Dr. Fujimoto's class
   022

Serious

 Predestination   Camp Counselor Daydream predicts summer job
   021

Serious

 Lucky Break   Vickie the psychic and the Ghost of Terry
   020

Curious

  Unlucky Break   Astrology eye injury
   019

Serious

 Synchronicity   Magical Mystery Tour:  Strange Warning at Graduate Reading Room, Quaker Meeting, Bob Hieronimus,
  Yogi Question Mark, Autobiography of a Yogi, Edgar Cayce, Creation of Observation List
   018

Serious

  Coincidence   Emily and Eric Taxi Coincidence at the Train Station
   017

Serious

 Coincidence   Senior Prom Cheryl appears out of nowhere
   016

Curious

 Lucky Break   Close Call Car Accident
   015

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Senior Year Blind Spot
   014

Serious

 Coincidence
Lucky Break		   Fateful Meeting with Mrs. Ballantyne at Weingarten's parking lot
   013

Curious

 Unlucky Break   Despite Rick's obsession, Mrs. Ballantyne and Rick fail to connect at SJS for 9 years
   012

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Caught cheating on German test due to amazing coincidence
   011

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick's Mother forgets about child support
   010

Serious

 Lucky Break  Mr. Ocker runs into Rick at grocery store and offers him a job
   009

Curious

  Lucky Break   Neal's sucker punch training allows Rick to defeat Harold in shower room fight
   008

Serious

 Coincidence   One in a million Basketball strike on Rick's swollen face
   007

Serious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick's Mother mysteriously fails to take him to doctor following serious acne attack
   006

Curious

 Coincidence   Discovery of chess book helps Rick defeat Taxi Cab driver Neal at chess
   005

Curious

 Coincidence   Rick wins the Kern Tips football book in drawing
   004

Curious

 Lucky Break   Father's affair leads to divorce and Rick's life-altering education at St. John's
   003

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick's Mother loses her mind at Blue Christmas and barely escapes death on an icy highway
   002

Serious

 Coincidence   Rick's sudden impulse to play arcade game saves Rick and his father from Death at Stock Car accident
   001

Curious

 Cosmic Blindness   Rick cuts his eye out by pulling knife in wrong direction
 

 

    

 
 

All the World's a Stage!
 

After God revises the Script to add the Gypsy Prophecy, He presents His newest play, The Rick and Marla Fairy Tale. 

ACT I

•  Marla appears on Stage living in a fog.  She allows herself to remain trapped in a dead-end, unfulfilling relationship for six years.  Marla cannot seem to quit her boyfriend Chris. 

•  Marla has had good reason to leave the relationship several times.  However, due to an unfathomable quirk, Marla always seems to talk herself out of it.  One time Marla picks her dubious boyfriend over a handsome attorney who is very interested in her.  Another time Marla's therapist of all people recommends she remain in the relationship.

•  When Marla appears at the dance studio, Rick is hit by a Thunderbolt.  He develops an unusually strong interest in Marla that continues to flicker despite no encouragement on her part.  Although Rick has a choice of other interesting women to select, his eyes stay focused on Marla.  

•  Marla does not know Rick exists despite his frequent attempts to get her attention.  Every time Rick comes near, Marla holds up her 'Six Year Relationship' sign to repel him. 

•  Rick understands that women have the right to choose who they are interested in.  However, based on his rapport with Marla in dance class, Rick is certain they could be special together.  However, that possibility is lost on Marla.  Where Rick is concerned, she has blinders on. 

•  One night Marla goes dancing with her friends.  That night, Marla meets a Gypsy who accurately foretells the future.  Only one problem.  On the way home, Marla's memory is erased.  By the time Marla signs up for the cruise, she has completely forgotten the Gypsy ever existed.  

 

ACT II

•  Rick is losing hope fast, but one day Marla signs up for his dance cruise.  Thanks to this single ray of hope, Rick decides to hang in there for one last good try.  Gaining inspiration from Cary Grant's Affair to Remember, he targets the cruise trip as his best chance to finally get Marla to notice him.

•  Over the next several months, Marla loses interest in the trip, especially when a man she likes from the studio fails to join her on the cruise.  Now the only person she knows is her roommate Sherry.  At the last minute Marla is so reluctant to take the cruise her daughter Marissa has to practically throw her out of the house.  Even then, Marla has a second chance to change her mind.  After spending the night with her boyfriend Chris on the eve of the trip, Marla is so reluctant she waits until the last minute to board the ship.  Things do not improve.  No one asks Marla to dance at the cocktail party.  As the evening progresses, Marla increasingly regrets being on this trip.  Marla just wants to go to bed and sulk, but her roommate Sherry insists Marla accompany her to the Midnight Disco Party.  Marla is not looking to meet anyone, so she has no reason go.  Now it is Sherry's turn to push Marla out the door.  Still in a bad mood, the moment Marla gets to the Disco, she is ready to leave.

•  Rick boards the trip convinced there is no hope for Marla.  In his mind, Marla has just returned from an exciting weekend in Miami full of sun, fun, and Salsa dancing with her boyfriend Chris.  Now that Rick is convinced his intuition about a failing relationship is no better than wishful thinking, he turns his mind to three other women on the trip who have shown recent interest.  To his frustration, Rick discovers all three have moved on to someone else.  Ah, the fickle finger of Fate.  Angry and depressed over his constant loneliness, Rick decides his best chance to find companionship is to attend a midnight singles dance in the Disco.  Rick is not terribly optimistic.

•  At the Stroke of Midnight, Rick finds Marla standing in the Disco doorway ON CUE.  Rick is stunned.  Could it be?  Do dreams actually come true?  Thanks to the Cary Grant movie, Rick had hoped to speak to Marla at some point.  However, he never imagined an opportunity of this magnitude would present itself.  This is such an amazing coincidence, Rick immediately goes on Supernatural Alert. 

• Like a Fairy Tale, over the course of the next eight hours, Marla's Cosmic Blinders are magically removed.  Marla is surprised to discover Rick is a lot more interesting than she previously believed.  When her girlfriend Sherry comes over to ask Rick to dance, Marla is shocked to discover she doesn't want to share him.  Surprised to see how attached she has become in such a short period of time, Marla asks herself how she could have ever missed Rick in the first place.  Over the course of the night, Marla reveals the truth about her shaky relationship with Chris.  Rick and Marla fall in love during the early hours of the morning.
 

ACT III

•  The following day, everything that can possibly go wrong goes wrong due to a convoluted series of misunderstandings.  The craziest moment comes when Rick's brief, long-forgotten fling with Ashley somehow manages to throw a monkey wrench into the machinery.  The result is that Rick, a man who hates to lie, gets caught lying to Marla.  Marla is fed up with men who lie, so now she is outraged after catching Rick in his lie.  Since Marla cannot understand why Rick would lie to conceal such a trivial matter, she concludes Rick must be hiding something far worse.  Considering Rick's brief time with Ashley was neither scandalous, naughty or noteworthy, Rick is shocked to see his innocent promise to protect Ashley's secret has backfired in such a damaging way.

•  Now that Marla is convinced she is dealing with a lying womanizer, she conveniently finds Darren, a handsome young man, sitting next to her at dinner.  Concealing her deep disappointment in Rick, Marla performs an Oscar-worthy flirtation before his very eyes, a payback of sorts.  Marla is so convincing in her deception, Rick is certain that Marla has chosen Darren over him.

•  Reeling from lost love, Rick faces his Dark Night of the Soul.  Due to the pain from Marla's seeming rejection, Rick suffers through an hour of gut-wrenching misery in his cabin.  Despite great confusion and much fear of further rejection, Rick slowly recovers enough courage to seek out Marla in search of the truth.

•  The moment Rick opens his cabin door, ON CUE Marla is standing in the hallway right in front of him.  There is hope after all.  In the wee hours of the morning, Marla and Rick are able to sort out their series of misunderstandings. 

 

ACT IV

•  Now that Rick and Marla are back on solid footing, the following day Rick wonders if Marla is just as conscious of the Fairy Tale nature of their romance as he is.  Once Rick points out the supernatural overtones of their meeting, Marla suddenly recalls a long lost incident involving a Gypsy.  Marla tells Rick how a Gypsy she met six months ago had foretold she would meet the man on this trip with whom she would spend the rest of her life.

•  Not only that, Marla tells Rick the Gypsy said MARLA ALREADY KNEW THE MAN.  Curious, Rick asks if his name ever crossed her mind.  No.  Furthermore, Marla is alarmed at how quickly she forgot all about it.  It was almost as if someone erased her memory... until now.

•  Incredulous, Rick asks Marla how she could forget such a bold prediction.  "After I told my friends at the table what the Gypsy had said, it just sort of slipped my mind. By the time I signed up for the cruise, I had completely forgotten the Gypsy ever existed.  Isn't that weird?"  

•  Rick and Marla stare at each other in awe.  Does this mean what they think it means?  Their romance is just three days old and here is a Gypsy Prophecy which suggests everything that has taken place has 'Predestination' written all over it.  Why not trust the Prophecy?  From this point on, Rick and Marla are inseparable.  They live happily ever after.
 

ACT V

It is now 2020.  Twenty years have passed since Rick and Marla met.  Rick still teaches dance while Marla has developed her career as a Travel Advisor.  In addition, Rick is busy writing his book.  Rick has just come to the chapter where he writes about meeting Marla.  Should Rick keep it simple and write the event in Realistic terms?  Or does Rick complicate things by throwing in his Mystic angle?  Rick decides to offer his strange convictions.  Now that Rick has had twenty years to think it over, he is more convinced than ever that his cruise ship romance was a Fated Event.  Rick bases his conclusion on several key observations.

•  Cosmic Blindness I. 

How could an intelligent, attractive, self-sufficient woman like Marla stay with a man like Chris for six years?  Any woman in her right mind would have run screaming long ago. 

•  Cosmic Blindness II. 

If there is such a thing as Fate, there must be a mechanism that allows for perfect timing.  Rick and Marla are not Fated to meet until the cruise trip.  However, it is March and they already know each other.  How to keep them apart when they frequently dance together in Rick's dance class once a week?  Why not make Marla blind to Rick's interest as a way to prevent the romance from starting prematurely?

 

•  Stroke of Midnight Coincidence. 

How does one create a Coincidence?  Cosmic Telepathy would do the trick. 

On the first night of the trip, it is 11:30 pm as Rick sits in the cabin feeling sorry for himself.  Out of nowhere, a suggestion pops into Rick's head to pick up the list of ship activities laying on the floor.  To his surprise, Rick notices there is still time to make a Midnight singles dance in the Disco.  Despite Rick's bad mood, he decides he better go or risk continued loneliness. 

Meanwhile Marla's roommate Sherry insists that Marla go with her to the same singles dance.  Marla is stubborn and states her preference not to go, but Sherry will not take no for an answer.  Marla finally gives in, but is clearly unhappy about it. 

Neither Rick nor Marla want to go, but they go anyway.  Marla and Rick meet exactly at Midnight and their lives will never be the same.  Was this meeting just a random coincidence?  Or has someone planted a thought in Rick's mind and a thought in Sherry's mind to arrange this event?  Have Rick and Marla been manipulated outside of their awareness?

•  Cosmic Awakening. 

When the time is right for Rick and Marla to meet, Rick suddenly appears to Marla in a far different light.  Marla wonders why she never noticed this pleasant side of Rick before.  As Rick's Invisibility fades away, one might ask if Marla's blinders have just been removed. 

•  Cosmic Blindness III. 

On the following day when everything goes wrong, Marla and Rick jump to the wrong conclusion time after time.  Convinced Rick is playing her for a Fool, Marla retaliates with an unusual display of warmth for Darren.  Marla assumes Rick will figure out that she is acting, but Rick's mind filters this scene in the worst possible way and falls into despair.  One might ask if these false conclusions were deliberately planted in Rick and Marla's mind to sow doubt. 

•  A Plot Twist unworthy of Charles Dickens. 

Six months prior to the cruise trip, Rick's brief affair with Ashley ends on good terms.  Ashley says no one has to know and asks Rick to keep things a secret.  Except that Ashley changes her mind and tells Jane, but fails to inform Rick of her action.  Of all the people whom Jane decides to confide in, she chooses Marla.  Six months later, Ashley appears in the shipboard dance class.  Her presence prompts an already suspicious Marla to fear that Rick is pursuing several women on this trip.  One thing leads to another until Marla decides to retaliate.  The Darren incident leaves Rick reeling in confusion. 

The damage is not done yet.   Later that night, Rick, a man who does not lie to people he is close to, nevertheless gets caught lying to Marla about his fling with Ashley.  And why does he lie?  Rick is a man of his word, so he has lied to keep his long-ago promise to Ashley.  Catching Rick in a lie sows more suspicion in Marla's mind.  Were Charles Dickens to write this absurd plot twist, his audience would roll its eyes.  Ah, the Master is slipping.  Nothing as convoluted as this would happen in Real Life.

And yet sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.  The damage caused by the trivial Ashley Rumor has been magnified way beyond its importance.  Do we dare ask if Marla was meant to hear the Ashley Rumor because she will one day be the unwitting player in God's scripted event? 

•  Cosmic Blindness IV.

Although Rick is a firm believer in Fate, he has a tendency to get lost in Reality just like everyone else.  Unfortunately, when Rick sees Marla appear to display a strong interest in Darren, he is too blind to see the woman he loves is pretending.  After buying Marla's act hook, line, and sinker, he overreacts and flees to his cabin convinced Marla's flirtation is real.

•  Coincidence. 

It has been an hour since Rick left the dining room reeling from Marla's deception.  He is so upset it takes him forever to find the courage to seek Marla and ask her to explain her sudden preference for another man.  Three times Rick goes to the door intent on finding Marla.  Three times Rick loses his courage and retreats back to his chair to procrastinate longer.  After all these delays, on the exact moment Rick finally makes his move, Marla passes right by his cabin door.  This perfect timing is very suspicious.  Was it just an accident or was this yet another event being manipulated behind Rick and Marla's awareness?
 

•  Cosmic Blindness V and Awakening. 

Marla has just told she will soon meet the man with whom she will spend the rest of her life.  But she forgets immediately.  One might ask how an intelligent woman in her right mind would forget such a dramatic prediction?   Considering the Gypsy points out this will occur on a trip Marla has already been considering, her prediction should have received Marla's full attention.  Not only that, the Gypsy appears to be the Real Deal.  How did the Gypsy know Marla was thinking about a trip?  In addition, the Gypsy tells Marla she already knows the man she is supposed to meet.  One would expect Marla to rack her mind.  Not so!  Instead Marla dismisses the whole thing as Unrealistic and forgets all about it. 

Marla's cavalier approach is highly out of character.   Marla is not a skeptic.  She believes in this sort of thing.  Why else visit the Gypsy in the first place?  And yet for some unfathomable reason Marla does not give the prediction a second thought.  By the time Marla heads home that night, the idea has vaporized.  Marla has no memory of the Gypsy when she signs up for the trip.  Marla has no memory of the Gypsy when she boards the ship.  When Marla meets Rick in the Disco at Midnight, she has no memory the Gypsy foretold she would meet her future husband on this trip. 

However, AFTER Marla's secret admirer is finally revealed, NOW she remembers the Gypsy.  Rick stares at Marla in open-mouthed shock.  Did someone just flip a switch in her brain?  Rick asks how any woman in her right mind could casually dismiss such an amazing prediction.  Seeing the bewildered look on Marla's face, Rick concludes Marla may have had her memory temporarily erased.  It is moments like this that cause Rick to wonder anew if his Cosmic Blindness theory is a reality.
 
Several times tonight during our conversation my mind had drifted back to Victoria.  This was the woman who had helped me build the dance studio twenty years earlier.  In the process, Victoria had thrown away a wonderful husband to pursue me, divorcing him in the process.  This of course was the great scandal of my life.  As far as I was concerned, leaving Michael for me was the worst mistake Victoria had ever made.  I did not love her and told her so.  But Victoria would not listen.  Instead she chased me relentlessly, then immediately lost interest once I finally gave in.  Now that she had ruined her marriage while subsequently realizing she didn't want me after all, Victoria's spent the next two years trying to figure out why she had lost her mind in the first place.  During this time, Victoria insisted I stick around till she decided what to do next.   

Michael had once been the great love her life, the man who walked on the moon.  Even after the divorce, by her own admission she knew Michael was a great guy and a great father.  Even more incredible, she admitted Michael had done nothing wrong to deserve the way she had treated him.  At the time, I asked myself over and over why Victoria would do something so senseless as this. 

Fortunately, Victoria eventually came to her senses and returned to Michael.  During our four year relationship, Victoria's erratic behavior made so little sense that I considered the existence of 'Cosmic Stupidity' for the first time.  Unable to fathom a single rational explanation for Victoria's behavior, I wondered if a 'supernatural' explanation might be the answer.  My theory revolved around the existence of Fate.  If Fate truly does exist, this implies we will face certain situations that are meant to be, i.e. Fated to happen. 

Using Victoria as a case study, she had once led the perfect life with Michael.  They were the Golden Couple.  Then for no apparent reason, Victoria lost her mind and embarked on a four year detour through living hell.  Then one day she suddenly regained her interest in now-divorced husband and began a slow, cautious return to her senses.  She got Michael to forgive her, they remarried, had more children, and lived happily ever after. 

For this absurd story to work, something had to go haywire in Victoria's mind.  If there is such a thing as Divine Intervention, then would it be so hard to believe in a Divine Intervention of a different nature, one where our minds are deliberately tampered with?  If it was meant to be that Victoria was doomed to make the worst mistake of her life, why not plant the false idea that I was somehow superior to Victoria's husband?  In a manner similar to classic Fairy Tales, I speculated someone had placed an Evil Spell over Victoria's mind.  Considering my theory of Cosmic Stupidity fit the facts of Victoria's downfall and resurrection to perfection, I came to believe there will be times in every person's life when our better judgment is supernaturally removed.

Everyone agreed Victoria's husband Michael was a prince among men.  Even after she discarded him, Victoria thought so too.  Knowing Victoria still harbored intense love, I asked myself how Victoria could turn her back on a kind and decent man who had done nothing to hurt her.  I concluded that we are given Free Will most of the time, but in Fated situations, our Free Will goes out the window and we end up making the wrong choice.  Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but Victoria's mistake stretched the limits of common sense to the point of absurdity.  The more I studied Victoria, the day came when I finally accepted my radical theory.  I reached the point where I actually believed Victoria had been rendered senseless in service of her Fate. 

 
 
Do you want to hear about it?"

"Fire away."

"My scandal took place twenty years ago.  Victoria was a woman who threw away a wonderful marriage to pursue me.  The moment we made love for the first time, Victoria instantly regretted it.  She clenched her teeth the whole time and wailed in grief the moment we finished.  She screamed, 'What have I done, what have I done?'  I was shocked at her display.  Where were these misgivings before she insisted we do this?"

"Are you saying this was her idea?"

"Yes.  This was definitely her idea.  But once we finished, it was like some veil had been pulled back to allow to her to see she had just made the worst mistake of her life.  How could she do this to her husband?  Why had she betrayed him?  Or more to the point, why didn't she realize ahead of time that she was about to throw away a good marriage for a situation that would never work."

"You used the word 'insist'.  You make it sound like Victoria forced you to participate against your will."

"Oh, Marla, you have no idea.  This story has layers upon layers of complexity.  To answer your question, yes, Victoria forced me to participate against my will.  However I am hardly blameless.  Six months earlier we had come very close to crossing the line during a serious flirtation.  However, since then I had come to realize how wrong this was.  Knowing full well that her marriage was worth saving, I had been dead set against this affair for several months.  However Victoria would not listen.  She was relentless."

"A woman cannot make you have an affair, Rick."

"Actually, yes, she can.  Have you ever heard of women who are forced to submit in order to keep their job?  That is more or less the position I was in.  Victoria had me under her thumb.  She threatened to destroy the dance studio if I did not cooperate.  Unfortunately, she had both the power and the ruthlessness to make good on her threat.  In addition, there was a mysterious element of deceit.  At first I thought Victoria had tricked me, but after careful thought, I began to formulate my theory of Cosmic Stupidity, or Blindness as you call it.  I believe I was Blinded into participation.  I had once vowed never to have sex with Victoria, but I did it anyway and despised myself afterwards.  Although I was very bitter over the mistake I had made, I concluded the only way I could have made a mistake this serious was if my judgment had been removed.  To me, it looked like we both temporarily lost our minds to let this happen."

"You say she threw away her marriage.  Did her husband know what took place?"

"Yes.  I made a horrible mistake by issuing an ultimatum.  I had a new girlfriend who threatened to leave me if I did not get rid of Victoria's constant pursuit.  So I told Victoria to make up her mind about Michael today.  Otherwise I was going to commit to this other woman.  Here's the catch.  Never in my wildest dreams did I expect Victoria to pick me over Michael.  I was the Donkey at this point, remember?  However, Victoria flipped out.  Victoria told her husband she could never rest not knowing how things would have been between us.  She packed a suitcase and showed up on my doorstep unannounced.  Victoria claimed she had left her husband for good.  Now that she had destroyed her marriage, she insisted it was time for me to honor a promise I had made to her six months earlier."

"What was the promise?"

"Victoria controlled my dance studio, but she was very insecure at the thought I would find a girlfriend to counteract her influence.  Her fear of being replaced to gave her the idea of having an affair to consolidate her hold on me.  Victoria was a very attractive woman, but I was determined to resist.  I told Victoria I was unwilling to do something behind her husband's back.  She countered by saying Michael didn't want her anymore.  Looking for a face-saving reason to say no, I told Victoria if she separated from her husband and moved in with me, then I would be willing to have a relationship.  This gamble worked for six months because her situation with Michael was far superior to anything I had to offer.  But then came the night when I pressed my luck too far.  Victoria refused to let the other woman have me.  When Victoria showed up on my doorstep, she held me to that six month old promise.  This time I was unable to think of a way to talk her out of this and still prevent her from sabotaging my dance studio.  After it was too late I thought of several ways this could have been prevented.  That's why I say I operated under the spell of Cosmic Stupidity.  Where were all these bright ideas when I needed them last night?"

"Give me an example of what you should have done."

"All I had to do was keep my pants on!  Or I could have simply phoned her husband.  Two simple ideas and not one of them crossed my mind.  What was I thinking?  I had absolutely no desire to make love to Victoria at the time, but my brain deserted me."

"This is a very strange story.  So now you're stuck with her.  How long did you live together?"

"Six days.  Then she moved back home and kicked her husband out of the house."

"Six days?  That's unbelievable.  Was it over or did you continue to see her?"

"Our relationship lasted four years.  Victoria spent the first year chasing me.  Once she had her conquest, Victoria went into a two year holding pattern while she tried to figure out what had caused her to lose her mind.  Then one day she finally came to her senses and realized she had loved her husband the entire time.  Marla, I swear, the transformation was remarkable.  It was like watching Sleeping Beauty awaken from her curse.  Fortunately, Victoria realized there was still time to correct her mistake.  It wasn't easy, but Victoria persuaded her husband to forgive her and begin to trust her again.  Michael was understandably skeptical, but once he began to see flashes of the wonderful woman he had originally married, he decided to meet her halfway.  After a year of uncertainty, Michael moved back home.  They remarried a few years later.  To me, it was a miracle they could re-connect after the miserable events of the past."

"Why do you think Victoria went back to her husband?"

"Because he was a great guy!  Because her daughter loved her father and missed him terribly.  When I first met them, Michael and Victoria were the Golden Couple.  Attractive, educated, smart, respected, much loved by their friends.  But one day Victoria went haywire.  She found herself so drawn to the World of Disco that she jeopardized her marriage by spending night after night at the dance studio in pursuit of her dreams of popularity.  How many women would choose fleeting popularity in the World of Disco over a solid marriage to a good man and a good father?  It made no sense."

"What about you?  She wasn't drawn to you?"

"Heavens no.  We were friends, but she was not all that attracted to me.  In fact, I think she felt pity on me.  I was so inept at running my dance studio that she basically took over.  That's how she got control of the studio."

"So why did she pursue an affair with you?  Something must have changed." 

"The answer borders on insanity.  In the beginning, Victoria saw me as the man I was, a 'Donkey' in comparison to her husband.  I was a good teacher but relatively clueless at promoting my business.  After Victoria made my business take off, her efforts backfired when two very pretty women got interested in me.  Fearful that one of them could use me to destroy her dreams of being the Disco Queen, Victoria decided the studio was more important than her husband.  That decision alone should demonstrate why I say she went haywire.

Thanks to the threat posed by these two women, overnight my image was upgraded from Donkey to Prince.  Victoria chased off the other two women and began to pursue me.  Once the women were gone, Victoria decided a fling with me would permanently end the threat of other women coming along in the future.  She claimed her husband didn't want her anymore and had given her permission.  I was very skeptical, so I said no, I won't do something behind Michael's back.  That is when I bought time by saying I was open to a relationship if she separated from her husband.  Now I turned back into the Donkey again.  There was no way I was remotely in the same league as her husband.  She even told me this to my face.  But then her husband got so fed up, he told her he was getting a divorce.  Stuck between a rock and a hard spot, Victoria came knocking on my door.  But the moment we had sex, I was back to being the Donkey.  However, too late now.  Her marriage was shattered.  Victoria spent the next two years figuring out how she had ever made such a mess of things.

Here is my point.  The Donkey parallel is unmistakable.  Michael was clearly the better man for Victoria, yet she became so infatuated with me that she threw her marriage away.  Here is a woman who throws away a great marriage for someone she doesn't even want!   How do you explain that?  I'm sure Freud would have plenty of explanations, but to me the idea that Victoria was spellbound made just as much sense.  The only way I could be superior to Victoria's husband was temporary blindness.  'What did I ever see in that man?'"

"Pardon me if I offend, but very little of your story makes sense.  You swear this affair was not your idea."

"Marla, it is all true.  I could write a book about Victoria.  In fact, someday I probably will.  To answer your question, this was totally Victoria's decision.  Lost in her spell, Victoria said she loved me and could not live not knowing how things would be between us.  Everyone told Victoria she was an idiot to pick me over Michael, but she refused to listen.  In fact, I told her the same thing.  So we have sex and immediately the spell is gone.  In a flash I went from the man she had to have back to being the donkey.  The change was so dramatic I had to ask what she had seen in me in the first place.  This was when I began to formulate my Blindness theory."

"Okay, so you made a bad mistake.  But why stay with a woman like this after she moved back home?"

"She blackmailed me.  She claimed I got her into this mess so I better stick around or she would ruin the dance studio.  Ironically, over the next two years, Victoria repeatedly explained how her husband Michael was superior to me in every way."

"She did this to your face?"

"Yes!  And you know what?  I agreed with her!  I deeply resented her put-downs, but truth be told, I would have picked Michael over me had I been in Victoria's shoes.  I thought Michael was a solid guy, a man who deserved my complete respect.  This is why I spent hours upon hours analyzing Victoria's decision.  This situation made so little sense that I eventually tired of looking for psychological explanations to explain her behavior.  In the end, it was actually easier to believe an invisible pixie had cast a spell over Victoria than to accept realistic answers that did not add up." 

"So why do you think God would deliberately make Victoria crazy and ruin her marriage?"

"For the same reason that God made Pat crazy with jealousy.  We have an expression in our language, 'She must have been out of her mind to do that,' or 'I must have been out of my mind to marry that woman.'  There are those who claim there is more soul growth in one year of suffering than ten years of pleasant existence.  As I am fond of saying, good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.  I got thrown out of graduate school due to my big mouth.  That's bad judgment.  I carefully watch what I say ever since.  Good judgment.  I had an affair with Victoria.  Bad judgment.  I've never had an affair since.  Good judgment.  God wants us to make mistakes so we will learn lessons."

Marla stared at me for moment, then replied, "Yes, I suppose there's an odd logic to that.  I too have learned from past mistakes." 

I nodded.  "So now that you know my strange views on Reality, do you agree we were Fated to meet?"

The moment I said that, the strangest look came over Marla's face.  Marla grew quiet as she mulled something over.  "Rick, there's something I need to tell you.  It is very important."

 
 

Do You Believe in Fairy Tales?

Has anyone noticed how closely the classic movie An Affair to Remember parallels the Marla-Rick Romance? 

Bad Boy Cary Grant meets Skeptical Deborah Kerr on a cruise ship.  Deborah ignores Bad Boy at first, then suddenly sees Cary is a lot better person than his reputation suggests.  That allows Cary to pry Deborah away from her long-term relationship.  Except that something goes wrong and Cary has no idea what it is.  Unaware of Deborah's accident, Cary is heart-broken over her mysterious rejection of him.  Then, by Fate, Cary runs into Deborah one more time and discovers the truth that kept them apart.  They live happily ever after. 

Bad Boy Rick meets Marla who ignores him.  Meanwhile Marla meets Gypsy, Marla forgets Gypsy.  Bad Boy Rick meets Marla on cruise ship and this time Marla notices him and realizes Rick is a lot better person than his reputation suggests.  As Rick and Marla fall in love, Rick seemingly pries Marla from her long-term relationship.  Except that something goes wrong and Rick has no idea what it is.   The Ashley Rumor was such a juicy plot twist that even a master like Shakespeare would have been proud to think of it.  The following day, unbeknownst to Rick, the Ashley Rumor has led to Marla's mysterious rejection.  It takes a while, but Rick finds enough courage to defy his demons and chase Marla.  Coincidence of all Coincidences, Marla is conveniently standing outside his door.  Marla not only forgives Rick, she suddenly remembers that a Gypsy foretold the entire sequence.  Rick and Marla live happily ever after. 

The two stories are so similar, I might be accused of plagiarism.  Except that my story is not a Fairy Tale.  This story is true. 

Before I met Marla, I certainly did not believe in Romantic Love.  Twice divorced, cheated on many times, I didn't believe 'Romantic Love' even existed.  Marla and I had just spent six consecutive months leading parallel lives without a single spark flashing between us.  When I boarded the cruise ship, I was in the darkest, most cynical 'scorched earth' mood imaginable. 

Then without any warning whatsoever, Love magically appeared out of nowhere to give us both a Fairy Tale romance.  Except that it wasn't a fairy tale... this was real.  Not just that, if one accepts the Gypsy incident at face value, then the story of how I met Marla becomes an illustration of Fate in action. 

Not only was Marla kept in the dark till the right time, there was the remarkable coincidence of how we met at Midnight in the dance club.  Equally remarkable was the coincidence of running into Marla in the hallway moments after I finally worked up enough courage to find her and face my fears. 

Not only does our story serve as proof that Romantic Love is real, I believe our story validates the concept of Soul Mates who are meant to find each other.

In my lengthy saga, I have pointed out a dozen or more situations reminiscent of Cosmic Stupidity.  I myself can point to the time I senselessly cheated on a German test in my Senior year of high school.  The consequences of that stupidity were so dire that it took the last second timing of Mrs. Ballantyne's intervention to rescue me from a dangerous downward spiral.  Oddly enough, the dumbest thing I ever did magically led to the great miracle of my life.  My meeting with Mrs. Ballantyne changed my life, but I could never quite get over the fact that it took the dumbest thing I had ever done to set in motion this event in the first place. 

Five years later, my inability to recognize the danger of running my mouth in front of my hostile professor is what got me thrown out of graduate school.  This disaster is what led directly to my dance career.  Although things turned out well in the end, for the life of me I could not understand why I had cut my own throat to begin.  Hey, I knew better!  All I had to do was shut up... but I could not do it.  It was almost as if my mouth had a death wish any time I was around this particular professor. 

In addition to my own tales of blindness, I offer the story of Victoria as further argument for the existence of Cosmic Stupidity. 

"To Err is human, to Forgive is divine."  -- Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism, 1711

They say 'To Err is Human'.  What they don't say is WHY we make such stupid mistakes in the first place.  The whole point of my book is to illustrate that perhaps we make mistakes because we have no choice in the matter.

First and foremost was Victoria, the woman who made the worst mistake of her life when she threw away her marriage in pursuit of me.  Realizing the enormity of her mistake the very instant she crossed the Forbidden Line, Victoria was so full of grief that she discarded me immediately.  Two years passed as Victoria wandered through a maze trying to understand what on earth had caused her to be such an idiot.  Then one day she woke up... "Gee, you know what, I have always loved Michael!  What was I thinking?  I want him back!"  And the cool thing is that Michael forgave her.  I will always remember his act of kindness with a admiration. 

 
 

DOORS OF PERCEPTION
   
 

Morrison was in a strange mood that day.  He was in such a hurry to leave for Paris, he left town the moment he finished recording.  The other three band members were shocked to see him leave before the song was finished, but were undeterred.  Figuring they had Morrison's vocals on tape, they would do the rest.  They threw in some thunder, added the haunting background soundtrack and this great song was complete.  When I first heard 'Riders on the Storm', I fell to pieces.  This song has everything.  Fate!  Death!  The importance of a Good Woman!  Weird lyrics!  Great tune!

As it turned out, this was the last song Jim Morrison ever recorded.  Shortly after the song was released, Morrison died of a heart attack.  Hmm.  Knowing Morrison, he would have been proud of his final song.  Like a Viking, he died with a sword in his hand. 

Imagine my surprise when I realized Morrison drew the band's name from Doors of Perception written by Aldous Huxley.  Huxley maintained that the human mind filters Reality under normal circumstances.  He also added that psychedelic drugs can help remove that filter.  Morrison seemed to agree.  He was a frequent user of LSD.  I have never been one for drug use.  I claim to be curious, but I am very cautious where drugs are concerned.  One dark secret at a time is good enough for me.  However, I agree with Huxley's premise.

"Each person is capable of remembering all that has ever happened to him and of perceiving everything that is happening everywhere in the universe.  The function of the brain and nervous system is to protect us from being overwhelmed and confused by this mass of largely useless and irrelevant knowledge, by shutting out most of what we should otherwise perceive or remember at any moment, and leaving only that very small and special selection which is likely to be practically useful."

As it turned out, Huxley gave credit to poet William Blake for his view. 

"If the Doors of Perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite.  For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern."  -- William Blake
 

So where am I going with this?  I believe we all go through life saddled with various filters that shape our view of the world.  These filters may be temporary or they may last a lifetime.  In my case, the acne scars have been the eternal curse of my life.  It does not matter that many people have told me they don't see the scars, that the scars are easily overlooked.  In my mind, I look in a mirror and I am repulsed by the peaks and valleys.

If I am to believe my friends, the Truth is that I am a reasonably attractive man.  However my Perception is that I look awful.  No amount of persuasion has ever changed my mind.  Here late in my life, I have a beautiful wife and a great daughter, so if they are okay with my appearance, then I guess I can ignore it.  But deep inside, I still cannot look in a mirror without feeling sick in my stomach.

 

So I ask myself what would be the point of saddling me with this Negative Perception?  Given that I have a sneaking suspicion that my Perception is subject to manipulation by a Higher Power, I realize that my sense of ugliness has been directly responsible for the success of the dance career.  If I had the ability to look in the mirror and smile at what I see, I guarantee the Epic Losing Streak would not have lasted twenty years.  There would have been no dance career because my confidence would have allowed me to engage with attractive women in a normal way.

That said, no regrets.  Well, maybe a few.  I would love to see what I look like without the scars.  Be that as it may, I am grateful for a good life.  Now here is my point.  I am about to take a close look at the theory of Cosmic Blindness.  This theory postulates that we are all subject to having our mind filtered at various points in our life.  As it turns out, Cosmic Blindness serves as the cornerstone of the Gypsy Prophecy.  For this reason, I will discuss this highly controversial subject at great length. 

 
If there is such as a thing as Fate, then there has to be a mechanism by which Fate is enacted.  Regarding my 2012 failure, why did my substitute teacher get a massive headache at exactly the worst possible time?   Perhaps invisible Guardian Angels are charged with the responsibility of administering Fate.  Keep in mind this is just a guess on my part.  I am not psychic, so the best I can do is observe and wonder just like everyone else.  We all know that coincidences and lucky breaks can be unsettling.  Often we have no idea what to make of them.  A coincidence can be something odd like running into a childhood friend in an unexpected place years later.  Or it can be getting a phone call from a distant relative moments after thinking about the same person for no reason.  Ordinarily we dismiss these moments and turn our attention elsewhere.  However, once in while, we run across a coincidence that is so unusual that we are forced to stop and consider the possibility of a supernatural explanation.  For example, I have narrowly escaped death three times in my life.  A fourth time a woman appeared out of nowhere to talk me down from suicidal thoughts.  A fifth time I made a miraculous move to save a woman from breaking her neck.  Each time the margin was paper thin.  Incidents like these have led me to believe in Guardian Angels. 

 
 

I want to address the fragility of love.  This story reads like a well-crafted plot from a Shakespeare play.  In Romeo and Juliet Shakespeare demonstrated how easily doubt can arise through circumstance, distrust, lack of knowledge and rumor. In Othello Shakespeare pointed out how easily Love is destroyed by misunderstanding.  Misunderstandings between men and women are as old as Adam and Eve.  It was a shame Marla and I did not have the benefit of reading each other's mind.  Otherwise we would have known there was nothing to worry about.  But here in the 'Real World', misunderstandings are a dark part of everyday life.  Rumors cast doubt, interpretation of words can be twisted, actions do not always make sense on the surface.  

My problems with Marla gave me a first-hand look at the damage misunderstanding can create between new lovers.  Fortunately, after a very painful struggle to overcome my fears, I had the sense to do what needs to be done when a misunderstanding occurs... go find the girl and talk it over.  A major lesson in my stories is that people avoid facing their fears far too often.  It becomes a true gift if someone can learn to handle a problem directly rather than run from it.  Due to the fear of rejection, Communication isn't easy, but we have to try.  Through all the hurt, pain and confusion, a person must find the courage to reach out to the other person and learn what is wrong.  Certainly you will be scared to death to stick your neck out and, yes, your attempt might even fail.  Success is never guaranteed.  But when it does work, you might end up with the finest relationship of your entire life.  Love is worth the risk; Fortune favors the brave.
 


SUBCHAPTER 997 - EXPLANATIONS
 

August 2001

Following the surprising coincidence of running into Marla in the hallway, we watched the evening show together.  We held hands the entire time, a very encouraging sign.  However, the ordeal was not over.  After the show, Marla and I returned to my room and began another talk that would last till dawn for the second night in a row.  Throughout the day, things had gone poorly.  I attributed our mistakes to a mutual fear of getting hurt.  

I spoke first.  "Okay, Marla, before anything else, where do you stand with Chris?"

"At 4 pm this afternoon, I decided to end things with Chris.  But let's talk about him later.  Right now our problems from today take priority.  We need to talk about what went wrong today."

"No argument from me.  You had me going in circles.  Every time I looked for you, you had disappeared again.  By my count, you walked away from me four different times.  What were you so upset about?"

"You angered me the moment we returned to our cabins at 7 am.  When we reached your door, you started looking anxiously around the hallway to make sure no one saw us together."

"Why would that make you mad?  I did that for your sake."

"Really?  You did it because you didn't want one of your other girlfriends to see us together."

"You can believe what you want, but that is not correct.  Based on your decision to return to your room, I assumed you intended to give some long thought to your relationship with Chris.  If that was the case, then I didn't see the point in starting any rumors until you decided what direction to take."

"That's not the impression I got.  I thought you didn't want to tip off any girlfriends."

"On the contrary, you were the one with the six year relationship, not me.  I had nothing to lose, but you did.  If you decided to stay with Chris but got yourself linked with me, people would gossip endlessly about us for the rest of the trip."

"I don't believe you.  You had a suspicious look on your face.  I don't care what anyone on this trip thinks.  After all, I don't know anyone on this trip as it is."

"Maybe you don't care, but I do.  With things up in the air earlier this morning, I preferred not to have anyone laughing behind my back if you choose to return to Chris.  What you saw was a look insecurity.  I was worried because I felt you were pulling away from me because Chris was on your mind."

"I never told you I was going to think about Chris today."

"Why else would you pull away from me?  Why wake up your roommate at 7 am when I had a perfectly good bed for you to sleep in.  We had just spent the last seven hours together.  Why stop now?  I told you I would sleep on the couch.  I figured the only obvious reason to leave me was to be alone later for some serious thinking.  Then I saw you frown at me and that ratcheted up my fear."

"That frown had nothing to do with Chris.  I was angry because you wouldn't let people see me at your side."

"That is nonsense, Marla.  I slow danced with you in front of 100 people tonight.  I am proud to have you next to me.  You jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"I had no way of knowing what the truth was.  Then I grew angrier when you failed to greet me at the morning dance class."  

"I am sorry about that, but you didn't help matters by showing up late.  I intended to ask you how you wanted me to play this, but you tied my hands by arriving late to class.  What did you want me to do, stop the class and announce that we were a major item?  You have no idea the amount of gossip and distraction that would generate.  Whispers would fly and no one would pay a bit of attention to what I was teaching from that point on.  Given that I was in the dark where you stood on Chris, it was easier just to play it safe."

"I had two reasons to believe you were hiding something.  I was already on guard after the hallway incident and it hurt my feelings when you ignored my entrance into the room.  You could have come over and said hello."

"Not until I knew where you stood, Marla.  How was I supposed to know that you did not care one way or the other what people would think?  In addition, I wanted to avoid any chance of awkwardness.  I am a public figure and this is my job we are talking about.  The last thing I wanted was to turn my morning dance class into a soap opera."

"The way I saw it, you were ignoring me."

"Marla, you don't know me very well.  I prefer to keep the early stages of my love life a secret.  That is who I am.  I don't reveal my feelings to the world until I am pretty sure the girl intends to stick around.  In your case, you had a decision to make and your feelings were extremely volatile.  So why risk a public display of affection when there was a good chance you would ditch me before the trip was over?  That said, I was more than willing to take you to lunch with me.  People would have seen us leave together and that would have solved all your worries.  But no, you disappeared before the class ended.  Where did you go?  And why did you leave?  As far as I'm concerned, that's when the day fell to pieces.  Why would you leave without a word?  I had no idea what was going through your mind."

"It felt like you were ignoring me to keep your options open."

"There are no other women, Marla.  I told you that last night."

"Well, I have a friend at the studio who told me you were involved with someone named Ashley.  Jane told me that you used to take Ashley home with you after class.  According to rumors, it was torrid.  Jane smirked and described it as 'hot and heavy'.  I wasn't interested in you, so I didn't pay any attention.  However, the moment I saw the way you greeted Ashley in dance class, I knew Jane's story was true.  Plus it looked to me like the embers were still burning.  I was immediately suspicious that something might be going on.  I was hurt because you were happier to Ashley than you were me.  The least you could have done was show me the same enthusiasm." 

"Marla, you have taken my dance classes enough times to know it's my job to smile at women.  All I did was greet Ashley.  She's my friend.  I don't need to apologize for that."

"When you refused to pay attention to me in class and then greeted Ashley so warmly, I felt insecure.  The way it looked to me, you could very well still be seeing Ashley, especially after the way you looked nervously up and down the hall this morning.  After I saw how you greeted Ashley, I could tell she still likes you.  I was even more certain you were hiding something from me.  Considering how many times Chris has lied to me, your behavior with Ashley exceeded my trust limit.  So I left." 

"I wished you had spoken to me.  Your disappearance caused a lot of heartache.  The story about Ashley is true, but again you jumped to the wrong conclusion.  From the moment I met her, Ashley said she had her eyes firmly set on a guy named Lawrence.  He had shown a lot of initial interest, but had failed to follow through.  They were in some sort of holding pattern.  Until Lawrence came around, she suggested we spent time together.  Four weeks later, Ashley announced she and Lawrence had finally slept together, so she would have to call it off.  That was the end of it.  Since Ashley had been upfront with me from the start, there were no hard feelings on either side.  What you saw in dance class was me greeting Ashley like the good friend she is.  I am sorry for the misunderstanding, but I had no idea I was stepping on your fears.  Meanwhile you triggered my fear. I was really upset when you disappeared.  Why did you run from me?"

"I was very hurt.  In my mind, you tried to hide your interest in me from the others and you ignored me in dance class.  Not only did you show way too much interest in your old girlfriend, I saw a half dozen women who looked like they were dying for the chance to take a crack at you.  What do you expect from me?  I'm not your groupie.  I lost my temper and left."

"All right, Marla, when you put it that way, I see where you are coming from.  But in the process you created a terrible chain reaction." 

"What do you mean?"

"By leaving without an explanation, you caused me to doubt the sincerity of your affection from last night."

"That's not true.  If anything, my feelings for you were so strong that I could not bear to see you flirt with Ashley."

"If you had stuck around, I could have explained everything.  Instead by leaving you reinforced my fears that you intended to return to Chris.  Nothing has made sense to me all day because you have been avoiding me."

"Okay, I get it.  So what would you have said to me about Ashley if I had stuck around?"

"That story was supposed to be a complete secret.  The fact that you know about it means someone has been running their mouth."

"If anything, that reinforces my point that you seem to be hiding something in regards to her."

"Maybe if you knew the whole story, you will understand better.  Your friend Jane got carried away with her description of the relationship.  It was not a torrid romance.  In fact, Ashley couldn't wait to break it off."

"What did you do wrong?"

"I didn't do anything wrong.  I was just a pawn in Ashley's passion play.  The way Ashley saw it, until Lawrence made up his mind, she was free to see whomever she wanted.  She picked me because she figured my recent divorce would make me reluctant to get serious.  As it turned out, she guessed right.  Ashley asked if I could handle this arrangement without getting attached and I said probably.  I saw Ashley three times.  On the fourth week, Lawrence finally made his move.  When Ashley saw me at the studio the next night, she said it was time to break it off between us.  Her attitude was sort of, 'Hey, Rick, my ride's here, I gotta go.'  Does that sound torrid to you? 

Ashley asked me a favor.  Would I mind keeping this a secret?  Ashley was afraid if news got out that she had been seeing me on the sly, Lawrence might not be so keen on moving forward to the next stage.  I kept my end of the secret, so it is very disturbing to see Ashley has been running her mouth.  God only knows what she told Jane, but by your description either Jane or Ashley is making it out to be more than it was."
 

"Why does this upset you so much?  Jane wasn't bad-mouthing you."

"I don't appreciate being blind-sided.  Not only did Ashley violate our secrecy agreement, she failed to let me know the word was out.  Earlier tonight when I was wracking my brains for a reason why you had shown some much interest in Darren, I wondered if someone said something to you I did not know about.

As it turns out, that's exactly what happened.  Jane's big mouth is what triggered your insecurity when you saw me talking to Ashley.  You left class specifically because you misinterpreted our interaction.  Look, Marla, I have nothing to hide from you.  But you don't know that, so I can understand now what was bothering you.  Unfortunately, I am the one who got burned.  I can make a case that your alarming show of affection for Darren was payback related to seeing me show interest in Ashley today."
 

"Assuming you are telling the truth, you may have a point there." 

"Of course I am telling the truth.  Lies are the fastest way to destroy a relationship.  Here I am trying to protect Ashley's big secret and now I find out she blabbed the whole story to Jane, the biggest mouth at the studio.  That's why they say loose lips sink cruise trips."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"You asked me why I am so upset?  This is tricky to explain, but here it is.  Based on my observation, you don't get around much at the studio.  You strike me more as a loner.  So I have no idea why of all the people in the world, Jane decided to tell you about Ashley in the first place.  Like you said, you weren't interested in me, so why did the subject even come up?  It was none of your business.  Not only that, Jane twisted the details to make it sound like our brief relationship was special when in reality Ashley was just passing time.  And just my luck, I am the one the story blows back on.  I did nothing wrong, I kept my end of the bargain, but now I'm the guy crying his head off in my cabin because I think you have rejected me for Darren.  It is a very strange coincidence that you heard this story because it drove a huge wedge between us.  Now you see why I prefer to keep my love life private because crap like this happens."

"What were you crying about?  Couldn't you tell I was putting on a show with Darren?"

"No, Marla, you say you were just acting, but you looked pretty convincing to me.  From where I sat, Darren was the reincarnation of Johnny Angel.  Let me make this clear.  You spent seven hours with me last night, the last two of which you spent in my arms.  By my reckoning, you would be excited to see me in the morning.  Not so.  You were late to class, you immediately started frowning, then you left without an explanation.  I am not the most confident guy in the world, so every doubt known to man began creeping in, especially the fear that Chris was going to win you back.  Then came the evening.  You ran away after the Captain's reception, you ran away from me at dinner, and suddenly Darren is the most interesting man in the world.  What was I supposed to think?  You don't know me that well, but I am not that different from you.  I am an extremely suspicious person, especially till someone earns my trust.  I look for danger signals at all times.  From my point of view, you had brushed me off all day long!"

"I avoided you because I was angry that you kept trying to hide me from all your little girlfriends."

"Maybe so, but I didn't have any little girlfriends, so that kept me from guessing what you were upset about.  First I'm paranoid about you returning to Chris, and now I have a new rival in Darren."

"Darren is not a rival, trust me on that."

"Yes, I understand that now.  But you and I have been reading each other's signals wrong all day.  When you left dance class, I said to myself if you're going to turn your back on me, I wasn't going anywhere near you till you raised the all-clear flag."

"Our cabins are twenty feet away, Rick.  You could have knocked on my door to invite me to lunch.  I thought there another woman in the dance class you were trying to keep in the dark about me.  I definitely felt like you were hiding me from someone in that class, if not Ashley, then someone else."

"That's funny, at dinner I thought you had been hiding Darren from me."

"No way.  Are you serious?"
 

"Absolutely.  I had seen you frown at me in dance class, but I had no idea what you were so upset about.  However, once I saw you get romantic with Darren at dinner tonight, my suspicious mind went overboard with rage and paranoia."

"I was not being romantic with Darren.  I was putting on an act because you had hurt me.  I was smiling and laughing because I wasn't going to let you see how hurt I was."

"I know that now, but I was in the dark at dinner.  I had no idea how much the Ashley story had contributed to your Oscar performance.  After seeing how excited you were over Darren, a guy I had previously assumed was a total stranger to you, I had to wonder what I had missed.  So I guessed that you either ran into Darren at the dance class or maybe saw him at lunch and spent the afternoon with him."

"That's nuts.  I don't even know Darren.  It was just happenstance that we were seated together.  So what happened after you left dinner?"
 

"I went to my room and thought a lot of bad things about you.  Faced with five separate incidents that defied explanation, I had no way of knowing the truth.  I was about to give up on you, but then a small voice told me my thoughts were headed in the wrong direction."

"Sometimes we should just follow our gut instincts.  Unfortunately, my own instincts were leading me in the wrong direction."

"I don't think our problems are as rare as we think.  All the Shakespeare tragedies revolve around misunderstandings very similar to ours.  Now that I know that people have been talking to you behind my back, I finally have the missing piece of the puzzle.  Please put your mind at ease, there are no other women.  Not only was I was alone the entire day, I even watched you up on the deck where we spent last night."

"Really?  I had no idea you were there.  Why didn't you say anything?"

"I figured you were thinking about Chris."

"Good guess.  What brought you up there?"

"After my long nap, I was getting cabin fever, so I went upstairs to work a crossword puzzle.  Next thing I know, Martin came trotting across the deck to offer you a beer.  Based on the hopeful look on his face, it was pretty obvious he had a crush on you just like me.  You know, Marla, the thing that I can't get about the Chris story is why you would allow him to treat you so poorly.  To me, you're the best looking woman on this ship and I bet Martin would say the same thing.  It's one thing to be handcuffed to the guy, but you had the power to walk away at any point in this six year period.  The moment you were free, I bet you would have been asked out by three or four guys who had their eye on you the whole time.  Case in point, I see guys at the studio turn their head to look when you walk by.  Why on earth would you allow yourself to wallow in misery when you could be dating guys who respect you?"

"I have no idea.  Maybe someday I will understand it, but it is almost like Chris held me under some sort of hypnotic spell.  While you were working your crossword puzzle, I was throwing Chris overboard.  Four years ago Chris unilaterally called a time-out.  Now it's my turn.  The time has come for me to end my relationship with Chris."

"Does that mean you are free to kiss me unburdened by guilt?"

"I never felt any guilt in the first place, but right now I need you to help me understand a few things."

"Okay, what do you need to know?"

"I wasn't happy watching you dance up on stage with every woman in our group at the Captain's Reception.  You moved from woman to woman much too easily.  Your behavior bordered on smug.  Once I got my duty dance, you walked away without a second glance to track down the next woman.  I was unsure of your feelings towards me.  I felt like I was just one of many.  You didn't make me feel special when you dashed from woman to woman with the greatest of ease.  How many of those women were you chasing in addition to me? 

"That's my job, Marla.  These women keep me in business.  Asking them to dance is my way of showing gratitude for their support.  Besides, I saved the most important dance for you."

"That's true.  When we slow danced, it felt right between us.  However, then you pissed me off again.  Just when I felt things were about to work out, you raced back up on that stage with Jill.  I felt insulted.  You just had to have one more dance with a member of your flock.  It was more important to show off than be a gentleman and escort me to dinner."

"This is what I do for a living.  By displaying my skill at dance, I am discretely demonstrating competence.  There were a lot of people watching Jill and I perform.  That dance with Jill guarantees that four or five people who were watching were impressed enough to sign up for my next Whip class.  Surely you can understand that." 

"No, not really.  Your behavior at the Captain's Reception did not make any sense.  Why did you dance with every possible woman in the room?  It looked to me like you were playing the field.  All day long I have wondered how many women you are you chasing on this trip.  You go from woman to woman.  One moment's it me, then you can't wait to show off with Jill.  You practically hauled her up on the stage.  Considering we were headed to dinner together, that was extremely disrespectful.  Not only that, Rick, who really got the Last Dance?  Was it me or Jill?  As far I'm concerned, Jill got the last dance.  You did not make me feel important."

"Of course I see your point, but you have not learned to trust me yet.  Once I enter a committed relationship, I never stray."

"Unfortunately a lot of men say the same thing.  I know this for a fact.  I have to say, based on what I saw tonight, dating you would be difficult for any woman.  I did not appreciate your dance with Jill at all.  However, when you caught up with me in line as I waited for dinner, I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. 

As we stood in line, I was still hurt and confused over your insistence on dancing with Jill.  So I was already feeling insecure when those two people, Doug and Jamie, came over to speak to you.  Without even bothering to excuse yourself, you turned your back on me for five minutes.  Here we go again.  Not only did you lack the courtesy to ask me to dinner, you were so oblivious you didn't even know that I had left with Darren and Sherry.  Everyone gets Rick's attention but Marla.  Now you know why I raced into the dining room with Sherry and Darren.  Then I deliberately put on an act with Darren because I was not going to let see how much you had hurt me.  If you want me in your life, then you better learn to show respect."

Hmm.  Marla's flirtation was a bitter lesson.  I felt Marla's punishment had exceeded the crime, but at least her actions finally made some sense.   For my part, now that I knew her sensitive areas, I would be more careful to avoid offending her.  Some say every man is giant training experiment run by women.  Apparently my training program had begun today. 

"Marla, as far as Darren is concerned, you hurt me very badly.  You definitely got your message across, but hopefully you will be less trigger-happy from now on.  In the future, I would prefer you speak to me first before you drop the bomb."

"Normally I would have spoken to you first, but I reached my limit.  I was determined to prove that you had not hurt me."

"To begin with, you tell me you are disappointed that I did not come find you to invite you to lunch.  You are upset that I did not seek you out during the day.  And you have chewed me out for not asking you to share dinner.  It is one thing to have rules, Marla, but it helps to let me know what your rules are ahead of time before you go busting my chops.  As far as dinner is concerned, after what we shared last night, I did not realize I was expected to formally ask you to have dinner together.  Silly me, I assumed running to catch up to you after Jill, then standing next to you in line would be sufficient to convey the message.  You disappeared this morning to go to your cabin, you were late to class, you disappeared from class, you left me while I dance with Jill, you left me to have dinner with Darren, then now you turn around and chew me out for ignoring you.  Well, who's ignoring who?"

"From my point of view, you were chasing every woman on the ship.  I will not be one of many."

"From my point, I figured you were upset about Chris and needed to be alone to make up your mind.  That's why I left you alone."

"Is that the truth or are you just making this up?"

"That's the truth.  I have the advantage of knowing exactly where my heart is.  I think this entire day was one giant misunderstanding on both of our parts.  Let me say this one more time: there are no other women on this trip.  You have my word on that."

Marla nodded.  "I appreciate what you just said.  You know, it wasn't easy making the decision to discard Chris.  It took some thinking to let go Chris.  The fact that you kept avoiding me didn't help one bit."

"What was the determining factor?"

"I wasn't going to allow myself to be treated so poorly anymore."

"What did you decide to do about him?"

Marla offered a grim smile.  "I threw Chris overboard.  Chris is history.  Even though I wasn't sure where you and I stood, I decided I have had enough of Chris.  That relationship is over.  After talking to you about him last night, I know I can never go back to him feeling the way I do.  I deserve someone better.  I want to thank you for helping me come to this realization."

"I think you made the right decision.  I also think we can get past this terrible day we've had.  You definitely made me face my demons tonight.  When I thought you flirted with Darren, you accidentally hit right on top of the most sensitive nerve in my being, my fear of being deceived.  I took everything you did the wrong way.  I am not as brave as you seem to think around women.  There was a point in my life where my fear of a woman's rejection was so intense that I developed a serious Phobia.  It took several years to overcome that Phobia, but I eventually put it behind me.  Or so I thought.  Tonight my Phobia returned in full force when I witnessed your dinnertime flirtation.  After that stunt, I returned to my cabin and fell apart.  I was so afraid to approach you after that I had backed away from my cabin door three times before I finally had the guts to go find you."

"Look, Rick, I'm sorry I put on a show at dinner with Darren.  That whole thing was an act.  I was so hurt by you I could not see straight.  I agree.  Today has been one big misunderstanding after another."

"In the future, it would help if you would tell me what I did wrong first before lowering the boom."

Marla frowned.  "I could say the same about you.  Rather than avoid me, come find me.  I was forced to operate in the dark all day long.  Every one my fears about men popped into my head.  To begin with, I was afraid you had changed your mind about me.  I was half-convinced you had lost interest and brushed me off for a better offer."

I snickered at the irony of it all.  Better to laugh than cry.  "So basically no matter what I did today, it pissed you off."

"You got that right."

"Am I still in your doghouse?"

"I'm considering letting you out, but I am not sure yet.  You won some points by chasing me down tonight and accompanying Sherry and me to the theater."

"What do I need to do to extricate myself permanently?"

"You need to reassure me I am not exchanging one asshole for another one.  Look, Rick, I have my fair share of inner demons just like you do.  Practically every significant man in my life has cheated on me.  I'm sick of it.  I am sick and tired of the pain.  I am sick and tired of the lies.  I despise the anxiety of not knowing what is going on behind my back.  I don't cheat.  That is not who I am.  All I ask is that the man I love treat me with the same regard.  Are you willing to do this?"

My eyes grew wide.  As confrontations go, this was about as serious as it gets.

"Yes, I firmly believe in being faithful.  You and I share the same concern.  I have been cheated on more times than I care to admit.  I have spent my entire life looking for a woman I can trust.  I had an affair with a married woman twenty years ago.  This mistake hurt so many people that I vowed never to let it happen again.  I've had opportunities to participate in affairs since, but I have kept my vow.  I have been married twice and I was faithful to both women.  Knock on wood, I will always keep my vow."

"Is that the truth?"

"Yes. 

Marla smiled.  "I am glad you said that.  I feel the same way.  Okay, you are out of the doghouse.  Do you want a hug or a dog biscuit?"

"Can I have both?"

As it turned out, we had spent the day triggering each other's fears.  I guess the danger of a whirlwind romance is risking too much too soon.  We were vulnerable and not quite ready to trust the other person.  As a result, we were both guilty of overreacting to threats.  This was the heavy price we paid for recklessly baring our hearts the night before.  After listening to Marla's stories, I realized she had just as much right to be on guard as I did.  No one wants to distrust another person, but once a person has been hurt badly, he or she will be wary for the rest of their lives.  Faced with a series of ambiguous situations all day long, Marla's past experiences made her fear she was developing feelings for a man who would betray her like the others had.  Now that I saw things from Marla's perspective, I understood how she had arrived at her conclusions, unfounded as they were.  But then what about my suspicions?  I had seriously considered the possibility that she had spent the day with Darren.  We were both way off base with our fears, but that is what fear does to people.  The only solution is communication, but easier said than done.  Most people are so fearful of rejection, they run away.  Look at me, it had taken every ounce of courage I possessed to finally seek out Marla after the Darren incident.

Now it was my turn to tell Marla some of my war stories.  In my case, I had never spoken to anyone about my recent divorce.  I was terrified about commitment and admitted as much to Marla.  

"Look, Marla, I haven't completely healed yet from my divorce.  A lot of things went wrong and I am scared of repeating my mistakes.  Today's ordeal has reminded me how easy it is for the train to run off the rails.  My trust level towards women is pretty low right now.  I am terrified of commitment, but at the same time that is exactly what I want with you.  Unfortunately my fear of getting hurt again is holding me back.  I don't know how much I can trust you.  All day long I have been so fearful of you returning to Chris.  And then I completely flipped out over Darren.  I am a mess."

"You can trust me, Rick.  I am not perfect, but I am decent.  You can count on me to tell the truth at all times."

Marla's reassurance was a good start, but it wasn't enough.  I was dealing with way too much scar tissue, so we talked about my fear of commitment for a solid hour.  My paranoia following the Darren incident was so intense that I was having trouble trusting Marla even though deep down that is what I wanted.  It took a lot of tears on my part, but thank goodness I was able to reach the point where I felt safe with Marla again.  After drying my eyes, I brought up another sensitive subject.

" My instincts tell me you and I have a chance to go a long way together, but I am still afraid you will return to Chris."

"I think you and I can be very special.  But don't worry about Chris.  However things work out between us, I am completely sure that Chris and I will never get back together.  I refuse to spend the rest of my life with a man I do not trust."

I nodded with relief.  We were exhausted and frazzled.  And vulnerable too, no question about it.  All in all, it had taken us four difficult hours to work our way through all the psychological demons.  We had invested a lot of hope in a person we barely knew.  Love is the ultimate Risky Business.  Our instincts told us we were dealing with a good person, but after all the crap we had been through in prior years, our hearts needed tonight's display of good faith before moving onto the next step.

"Maybe we should get some rest.  Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Yes, of course."

"Uh, before I forget, will you have breakfast with me in the morning?  And lunch too?"

Marla reacted swiftly.  After punching me lightly in the shoulder, she exclaimed, "Of all the nerve!  I always knew you were a jerk!"

We both grinned.  This had been a hard day's night, so we both took a deep breath. 

I had learned a valuable lesson tonight.  I imagine there are a lot of people out there who choose to take the safe way out and avoid their fears.  I am the perfect example.  In particular, I recalled retreating from the cabin door three times until I finally found the courage to go find Marla and discover the truth.  Once we were able to admit our fears to each other, the problem did not seem insurmountable.  From here on out, we would continue to build on the trust we had developed tonight.  Thanks to our dramatic leap of faith, we would never be apart again.  Thank God I finally conquered my fear of women. 

 
If being thrown out of Graduate School was terrible luck, things definitely balanced out during my dance career.  One day without warning I started getting lucky.  Really lucky!  No one had the right to get as many lucky breaks as me.  Every gamble I took paid off.  Strangers appeared at the right moment to hand me golden opportunities.  Every time I made a serious mistake, an amazing rescue appeared out of thin air.  Over time, I became convinced a Hidden Hand was responsible.

Unfortunately, I assumed I would be lucky for the rest of my life.  I began to take my Good Luck for granted.  That explains why I was so flabbergasted when my 2012 comeback failed miserably.  It was probably good for me to fail.  If anything, it reinforced my understanding that "I" am not in charge.  The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.  I had been taught a valuable lesson in humility. 

My belief in Fate has led me to adopt a much calmer attitude towards set-backs and disappointments.  When faced with unexpected situations that carry the hint of Fate, I have learned not to blame myself too much if things go wrong.  I apologize, clean up the mess and try to learn something.  When a lucky break comes my way, I say thank you, then remind myself not to take too much credit. 

 
 
Alexander Pope is also given credit for "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing" and "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread".  Obviously Alexander Pope was a very wise man.
 
As another example, let's go back to my Senior year of high school. I was on a verge of a nervous breakdown because I believed my lifelong dream of going to college had just been postponed for an entire year.  My classmate Katina Ballantyne was the daughter of a wealthy physician.  Considering all her privileges, how could she steal a college scholarship from the poor kid in the history of our school?  I had viewed that scholarship as my last chance to go to college at Georgetown and now it was gone.  Where is the justice?  Deeply upset, I was one more bad break from doing something really stupid if you catch my drift.  One week later Katina's mother shows up at my grocery store to snap me out of my desperation.  It was a remarkable moment indeed.  Two weeks after that, Mr. Salls, my Headmaster, tells me to phone Ralph O'Connor, the man who arranged my four year scholarship to Johns Hopkins University.  In other words, Katina won that scholarship because Mr. Salls had already arranged a far better scholarship for me.  But Mr. Salls never told me that!  So here I am ready to jump off a bridge when there was never any problem at all. 

The sad thing is that a giant clue had passed right by me six months earlier.  Back in September Mr. Salls had essentially ORDERED me to apply to Johns Hopkins, a men's school I had never even heard of.  Mr. Salls completely ignored my interest in Georgetown, the school of my dreams.  He neglected to suggest I apply to the University of Texas as a backup option.  On those two counts alone, Mr. Salls could be convicted of gross negligence.  Except for one thing... he and Ralph O'Connor had already arranged my scholarship here in September!  However, I never knew this.  I would not learn about my scholarship till April.

For seven months, I operated completely in the dark.  In fact, it was even worse than that.  It would not be till 2009 that I finally figured out what had been going on behind my back between Mr. Salls and Mr. O'Connor.  If that isn't Blindness, then what is it?  I contend it was my Fate to suffer.  That was my Karma. 

 
 

There is an interesting footnote to this story.  26 years years after that curious day in Gaye's office, some odd circumstances persuaded me to organize a dance cruise for my dance students.  One hundred people signed up for the 2001 trip, an amazing total.  During that trip, I guided all the activities.  I taught dance lessons in the morning and played Leader of the Pack while we danced to the ship's band at night.  By becoming the 'Cruise Ship' Director on that trip, I was well aware I was fulfilling a prophecy of sorts.

On that initial voyage, I made a fascinating discovery... my students loved dancing out at sea!

   This was only the beginning.  My first effort was so successful, from here on out, there were two, three, sometimes four cruise trips a year in my future that involved my dance studio.  On each trip, I organized the social events.  To me, this experience felt like a prophecy come true.  

Was it my Destiny all along to become a Social Director on land and sea?  It certainly felt that way.  I felt blessed to have been given this deeply satisfying role.  It was an honor to play a key part in my students' lives.  I loved doing this. 

 
 

I felt a profound sadness come over me and tears welled up in my eyes.  After pausing to collect myself, I had something more to say.

"Listen carefully.  No woman in her right mind destroys a marriage with a man as good as Michael.  If you could have seen the look on Victoria's face as she sobbed violently in my bed that night, you would realize Victoria had just awakened to a devastating reality.  Victoria was baffled.  How was it possible that she had just made the worst mistake of her life? 

That is how I became certain Victoria was just as much a victim of Cosmic Stupidity as I was.  If Victoria was so full of regret after crossing the line, then why did she come to my house in the first place?  I didn't invite her.  I didn't want her there.  I doubt seriously Michael wanted her to go.  But she showed up anyway.  That is why I think she was on automatic pilot just like me.  Call me crazy, but as I have told you all night long, the explanation that makes the most sense to me is that somebody cast a cloak of Cosmic Stupidity over both of us.  I think our common sense and willpower was placed under the control of a higher authority because our Fate dictated that we make this terrible mistake. 

I cannot prove it, but that is how I see it.  Let me say this one more time: No woman in her right mind destroys a marriage with a man as good as Michael.  Victoria's inexplicable behavior has become the absolute foundation of my belief in Cosmic Stupidity.  Victoria has been blind to her husband for three years.  Now hopefully the spell is broken.  I firmly believe her eyes are open again.

While I am at it, there is one more thing.  Victoria wrote me a letter shortly after she moved in.  One particular statement will never leave my mind.  I can quote you what she said:

'Rick, I know too that our relationship hasn't always been easy, but I have always felt that our being together was Destiny.  It's like no matter what happens, the Universe keeps pushing me in your direction and I can't seem to let go of you.'"

"I thought you said that the two of you did not share these kind of thoughts."

"We don't!  Victoria and I have never discussed that letter.  That means we both independently reached the same conclusion that we shared a Destiny.  Some people use the phrase 'Fate brought us together' in a very casual, almost trite way.  Not me.  A phrase like this must have a reason to have originated in the first place, just like 'I must have been out of my mind'.  It is clear that Victoria agrees with me that the Universe has pushed us together.  Some day if I can catch Victoria in her right mind, I would bet serious money she believes in Fate just as much as I do.  How can Victoria live through this experience and not reach the same conclusion? 

I daresay she would agree this Affair happened because it was Destined to happen.  That does not mean what we did was right.  Nor does it justify the pain Michael has been forced to suffer.  But it happened, so what is the right thing to do given our mistake?  Now that her confusion is starting to clear, I believe Victoria realizes her heart has always belonged to Michael and she wants to make amends.  But she hasn't made it back yet and I would die if she failed now that she is this close.  Hopefully you now know why I feel a Karmic responsibility to see things through to the end.

To me, Victoria's words about Destiny form the only explanation that has ever made any sense about our time together.  I fully believe the Universe loaned Victoria to me to create this dance studio, but the time has come for her to return to the man she truly loves."

 
 
so I wrote an outline of my life and stared at it.     

Following his parent's divorce, a young man is abandoned by his father.  Stuck with a mother who falls apart and can't pay her bills, this virtual orphan magically attends the most expensive private school in the city for free.  Largely ignored by his wealthy classmates, a startling case of acne turns a tough situation into an extinction level event.  Now disfigured, the boy grows up feeling inferior and ugly.  Painfully lonely, this boy is desperate to find a girlfriend.  But looking like he does, there's nothing he can do about it in high school.  Things don't work out in college and things get even worse in graduate school.  Women won't come near him and his dismissal from graduate school demonstrates his appalling lack of social skills.  A failure in love and career, he is truly the Creepy Loser Kid.

Trapped in the midst of a 20-year Epic Losing Streak, this dispirited young man is tricked into thinking something as silly as dance lessons will solve his profound problems with women.  He is so lost it never occurs to him that putting his unique education towards a respectable career would effectively solve his girl problems.  Instead he wastes three years on unproductive dance lessons until one day he accidentally wanders into a profession for which he is totally unsuited.   This young man can hardly dance without tripping.  Nevertheless, despite long odds, he becomes the city's ONLY Disco teacher thanks to the timely appearance of a special movie.  From there our socially crippled lad uses a wild series of coincidences to somehow come out on top time after time.  He conquers his fear of women, builds a wonderful dance studio, marries the woman of his dreams, and lives happily ever after.  

 
 
Periodically there are polls undertaken across America.  You can look them up on the Internet.  Percentage of people who believe in Fate, percentage who believe in Reincarnation and so on.  A recent glance said that 75% of Americans believe in God, but only 40% believe in ESP.  So I have a question.  What exactly do people think Prayers are?  When people Pray, do they whisper out loud and hope that God has good ears?  In my case, if I have a Prayer, I don't say it verbally, I say it in my mind.  If God chooses to answer, I expect to receive the answer either an idea in my mind or an omen in my daily life.  I do not think I am the exception here.  Every Sunday my Quaker friends sit there quietly hoping God will contact them with an Inspiration.  I guarantee they don't expect an angel will drop by to hand them a Fortune Cookie.  Nor do they expect God will FedEx the answer.  They hope God will respond using a Telepathic Insight. 

This is why I have a hard time understanding the 35% gap between Belief in God and Belief in Telepathy.  If there is a God, then there is Telepathy.  End of argument.  If there is God, there is Telekinesis.  After all, the Bible says He built the Universe.  What I mean is that there are a lot of things about Reality that we do not understand.  Therefore it is imperative we remain open-minded and observant.

 
 

One would assume I was proud of myself.  By all rights, I should have climbed to the tallest roof top and shouted that I was the only dance teacher in Houston able to see it coming.  Except we know better.  I had no more foresight than anyone else.  My position as Houston's leading western teacher was a complete and utter Cosmic Fluke.  Through a set of circumstances I have previously referred to as 'Dumb Luck', I found myself well ahead of the pack strictly by accident.  In other words, I was no smarter than the rest, just luckier. 

 
 
The initial days of the new TGIS Era marked the period when Victoria and I drifted apart.  From January to June, Victoria and I spoke only occasionally.  Victoria was in therapy and Michael had filed divorce papers.  Victoria was so preoccupied with legal problems, her daughter's immense sadness, and soul searching that she barely gave me the time of day.  As I said, I could have cared less that she ignored me.  I prayed Victoria would forget about me and move on.  I was like an old used toy on a shelf gathering dust.  The studio was not important to Victoria anymore.  Victoria simply went through the motions whenever she was at the dance studio.  Strangely enough, although I was surrounded by countless women full of curiosity, Victoria never showed signs of worry.  Either she didn't care anymore or she trusted me.  Whatever the reason, Victoria left me in peace. 
 

Back in college, I majored in Social Science.  Consequently I spent a lot of time trying to understand the dynamics of this strange Urban Cowboy phenomenon.  I read an article in the Houston Chronicle that tried to explain the theme behind the coming movie.  The premise suggested the invisible class lines separating the Urbans residing in Houston and the Cowboys residing in Pasadena were becoming blurred.  The Urbans were college-educated professionals with soft, manicured hands while the Cowboys were tough blue collar factory workers with high school educations and dirt under their fingernails.  I raised an eyebrow when the article said the movie would explain how these two groups were planning to live together in some sort of modern harmony. 

Recalling how Devin and Mona, my Waltz couple, had been flattened by rednecks at the Winchester Club five months earlier, I was pretty skeptical about the harmony angle.  Fortunately, I did not see any hostility at Cowboy.  This club was far too pretty for a self-respecting 'Real Cowboy' to ever consider visiting.  This was a playground for Fake Cowboys like me and my students.  Let the Real Cowboys stick with Gilley's and Winchester. 

I still wondered how I ever managed to stay in the dark about the beauty of Cowboy for ten months.  After talking with countless students, I learned my Disco students had been completely in the dark as well.  Most of my Disco students swore up and down they had not gone anywhere near that club.  We were all so mad at having Disco taken away from us, we avoided Cowboy as a form of protest.  Since none of us took the time to check the place, we all had been blind to the truth about Cowboy.  This made me feel better.  At least I wasn't the only person blindsided by the experiment of creating an upscale kicker club. 

Another major mystery during last year's Western Transformation was figuring out who was keeping all these new Western clubs in business.  During my March Promotion at TGIS, I was struck time and time again by the fact that none of the TGIS people had any idea what Country-Western dancing looked like.  Obviously these were not the people keeping the Western clubs in business.  So if the Disco crowd and the TGIS crowd did not visit any Western clubs, then who was keeping these clubs in business?

I knew some of the customers were Texas A&M graduates because Joanne had mentioned the Aggies were by far the best dancers.  But there were at least two dozen Western clubs at this point.  I did not believe there were not enough Aggies in Houston to keep all these clubs in business.  There had to be others.  Who were the Mystery People going to these clubs?

Eventually I got my answer and when I did, I was totally ashamed of myself.  It is embarrassing for me, the Great Social Scientist, to admit, but I was totally unaware that 'working class people' also go to nightclubs.  In retrospect, my life during the 1979 Disco-to-Western Transformation was totally insulated.  I spent 99% of my time at my house, the dance studio, the Pistachio Club, and the Jewish Community Center on Sundays for volleyball.  How was I supposed to know the blue collar workers were keeping the Western clubs quite busy at the time?   Fortunately, I finally caught on.  Secretaries, nurses, factory workers, construction workers, truck drivers, plumbers, electricians, janitor, maintenance workers, you name it.  In other words, Western clubs is where the blue collar workers went to hang out.  The genius of the minds behind the Cowboy experiment was to create a Western club where white collar professionals would feel comfortable.  This had never been done before.  Bravo to McFaddin-Kendrick. 

 
 

As I would discover, only a small percentage of Houstonians knew anything about western dancing.  Pretty soon, a tidal wave of city folk would be needing dance lessons.   One would think the absence of public knowledge about Western dancing would work dramatically in my favor.  However, I was facing a major problem... the dancing was way too easy to learn.  I dreaded the day when Houston realized how simple the dancing was.  The moment everyone realized how simple it was to learn, I could very easily be out of a job. 

Under ordinary circumstances, a movie about the love lives of brawling lowlifes at Gilley's would hardly capture the public imagination.  However, it was the addition of John Travolta, the biggest movie star in the world, that changed everyone's perception.  Having Travolta on board gave Urban Cowboy instant credibility, especially with the people here in Houston.  Travolta's dancing reputation was all it took to make the entire city of Houston believe the Texas Twostep would turn out to be the greatest thing since popcorn, ice cream, and football.  But here's the funny thing about it.  As we shall see, the addition of Travolta to the movie was a colossal stroke of Dumb Luck. 

The anticipation of the movie here in Houston became so intense that it turned the city upside down.  Even though the dancing in Urban Cowboy would prove to be lame beyond comprehension, it didn't matter.  The irony is that Western dancing in Houston would improve not because of the movie, but in spite of it.  The intense pre-game publicity about how Travolta would revolutionize Western dancing in Houston was so compelling it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Since so many people believed the movie would put Western Dancing on the map, the dream came true anyway.  I would play a key role in making this happen. 

 

There was a part of me that believed Victoria was ruthless, but then again that brief glimpse of Sunshine Victoria in my living room made me wonder if the Light continued to live within her.  Call me gullible, but my instincts said that Victoria was not evil enough to flat-out deceive me.  No matter how much I despised Victoria at the moment for fooling me, I did not think she was a sociopath.  Selfish, yes.  Manipulative, yes.  Scared, yes.  Confused, yes.  Evil, no.  To me, it felt like Victoria had spoken from her heart in her Living Room Speech.  There was a good side to Victoria hiding in there somewhere. 

That said, there was no doubt this was one really weird woman.  She said she couldn't bear to lose me.  Great, you got me, Victoria, now what?  Not once following U-Turn Week did Victoria bring up the subject of sex.  Nor did she bother to kiss me.  This suggested she had never been interested in me sexually all along.  So now my question was to ask why Victoria forced herself to have sex with me in the first place.  On that fateful night, Victoria cajoled her way through my door, petted my dog, gave her living room speech, took my hand and led me to the bedroom.  She removed her clothes, climbed under the sheets, and patted the bed to join her.  Seeing she was determined to get this over with, I followed along like a little puppy dog.  The next thing I knew, Victoria was crying her head off while I stared at her in consternation. 

I felt like I was overlooking something.   If Victoria wasn't being Evil and she wasn't trying to deceive me, then what was her reason to have sex?  That is when the word 'misguided' popped into my head.  Victoria's tears of grief suggested a woman who had been misled herself, someone who had just realized what a fool she had been.  To me, her grief was so intense that I got the feeling she was just as much against having sex as I had been.  If so, why go through with it?

Now my mind drifted back to Cosmic Stupidity.  Victoria had hinted she too believed in Fate.  Like me, maybe she felt compelled to carry through with this fraud despite her misgivings.  To my surprise, my interpretation of her behavior had just flipped back to Mystical.  Rather than be furious with Victoria for her Vanessa-like deceit, what if the woman had been just as befuddled as I was?  Here was a woman who had been faithful throughout her marriage and yet she had suddenly broken her vows under the most depressing circumstances imaginable.  In other words, Victoria's behavior was both 'senseless' and 'uncharacteristic', my criteria for Cosmic Stupidity.

 

Shakespeare came to mind... "The World is a Stage and we are but the players." 

Maybe so, but I was at best a distant third billing here in Michael and Victoria's domestic power struggle.  Although some would say I was a key player in Victoria's personal Greek Tragedy, I was more a pawn than anything else.  It had been bizarre to be held captive in my own house.  Although Victoria claimed she had moved in, that was nonsense.  Victoria had not moved in with me, rather she was just shacking up.  I was certain Victoria was using me to prove a point with Michael.  I was supposed to be the man she had risked her marriage for, but now that she had me, she didn't want me. 

Two weeks had passed since I had committed adultery.  Some people argue a single person cannot commit adultery, but that technicality meant nothing to me.  In my eyes, I was an adulterer and adultery was wrong.  During the past two weeks, my mind had worked overtime trying to deal with my fall from grace.  To be honest, I was surprised at how little guilt I felt.  My overriding observation was that I had been set up by Fate.  I was definitely angry about being tricked into this, but how do you argue with Fate? 

Although I had felt guilty the two times I attempted sex with Victoria, I no longer felt guilty.  I did not ask Victoria to show up on my doorstep.  Nor did I sneak behind Michael's back.  Michael had to know full well what was going on.  Furthermore, I thought I was doing the honorable thing to let her stay.  She had told me she was committing to me.  Yeah, right.  Her idea of commitment meant a drawer half full with her underwear. 

 

But those technicalities tend to get overlooked depending on who tells the story.  There's an old saying that no man or woman should ever have an affair with a memoir writer.  I knew how my memoir would be written, but I also wondered how Michael or Victoria's memoir would read.  I suppose if Michael or Victoria were to offer their side of the story, I would be cast as the philandering villain.  No doubt in the retelling, I would be blamed for my evil tempting of poor naive Victoria to break her wedding vows. 

Well, Victoria could spin it any way she wanted, but the facts spoke for themselves.  In her desperation, Victoria had betrayed a very fine man and risked hurting her daughter in the process.  Victoria was definitely a lost soul at the moment.  The question was how I would ever find the Light that was surely being held captive somewhere in her heart. 

As for me, although I did not feel guilty, I definitely continued to feel stupid.  I should have never followed Victoria into bed.  I had a spare bedroom with a lock on the door.  Why didn't I use it?   Too late now.  Experience is a comb Life throws you after you lose your hair. 

Unable to comprehend Victoria's Transformation from Good to Evil, I turned to Psychology.  For that matter, so did Victoria.  As I mentioned, she went into therapy.  I cannot speak for Victoria, but I gave up on Psychology and turned to Mysticism.  As far as I was concerned, Victoria's inexplicable switch from good to bad had all the markings of an Evil Spell.  I am not a big believer in the Devil.  Nor do I believe in Hell.  I prefer Reincarnation and a Loving God who gives us as many lifetimes as necessary to get it right.  However, to avoid getting sidetracked, let's skip Reincarnation.  Instead let us consider the commonly accepted theological view that God deliberately places obstacles in our lives to teach us lessons.  In Victoria's case, I wondered if her mind had been tampered with.  If so, this might explain why she had behaved in such an uncharacteristic way.  In other words, I spent my three years of sleepless nights tiptoeing around the radical idea I would one day refer to as Cosmic Blindness.

 
 


SUBCHAPTER 611 - CLAY FELKER OUTSMARTED
 

Nancy Newhouse, a senior editor in the early years of New York Magazine, once said this about Clay Felker:

"I have never seen anyone who was as open to his intuition as Clay was.  He had no barriers between his intuition and himself.  Most of us have all kinds of defenses.  But with Clay, there was no barrier.  Sometimes he was wrong, but he was right enough of the time, spectacularly right, that it was astounding."

For all the success tales that weaved through the improbable Saturday Night Fever saga, Clay Felker was the one person left with his baseball bat still resting on his shoulder.  In all my research, I was unable to find a single story to suggest Clay Felker profited from the cultural phenomenon generated by the Disco story that appeared in his magazine.  Try to imagine how the man felt when the movie proceeded to make everyone wealthy and famous beyond their wildest dreams, everyone but him that is.

Clay Felker, the mightiest clairvoyant of all things New York New York, had been reduced to a footnote.  For a man who was 'spectacularly right' most of the time, it must have blown his mind to miss this one completely.

 

Writer Nik Cohn did very well.  I read where Cohn was paid $90,000 for the rights to his story.  I also read where Stigwood gave Cohn the first shot at writing the screenplay for a guaranteed $150,000, as well as percentage points in the upcoming soundtrack album.  Who can imagine how much money Nik Cohn made once the album became a best-seller? 

Robert Stigwood did very well.  Imagine Clay Felker's stupefaction when the story from his New York magazine became important to the tune of $280 million box office and $40 million soundtrack based on Stigwood's $4 million investment. 

Disco was a trend that had been placed right under Felker's nose and all he did was sniff with contempt.  Now everyone around him was getting rich and Felker had nothing to show for it. 

Clay Felker was the man who prided himself in spotting trends before all others.  And yet the one time his talent could have really paid off, Felker missed it.  Felker was undoubtedly fit to be tied.  How could he have overlooked this Disco phenomenon? 

 

Perhaps Clay Felker was too hard on himself.  Truthfully, he never had a chance where Saturday Night Fever was concerned.  No one could have seen that coming because it was Supernatural!  It seems the Arrow of Destiny was pointed at Robert Stigwood, not Clay Felker.  Robert Stigwood instantly saw the potential in Nik Cohn's story because he had the advantage of having both the Bee Gees AND John Travolta under contract at the exact moment the story appeared.  The luck of having the perfect actor, the perfect story, and the perfect music all at the same time was unbelievable.  This was the Robert Stigwood Synchronicity. 

If Felker had a beef, it would have been with Nik Cohn.  Cohn outsmarted Felker by planting a bogus article in his magazine.  Using the credibility gained from getting his story published despite Felker's misgivings, Cohn's story attracted so much interest that he was able to leverage Robert Stigwood for the big payday.  Then Stigwood turned around and waltzed off with the Grand Prize. 

I imagine Clay Felker felt badly used.  No doubt his pride was hurt as well.  Given Felker's illustrious track record, you really have to feel for the guy.  Despite his razor-sharp instincts for spotting unusual lifestyles, a story worth $285 million passed right under the nose of the Great Trend Spotter.  Even more pathetic, the story was totally fictitious and Felker never caught on. 

In Clay Felker's defense, he was badly distracted.  At this same moment, Felker was in the fight of his life to maintain control of his magazine. 

 


SUBCHAPTER 612 - OUTFOXED
 

Clay Felker could have used some of that Saturday Night Fever money.  Felker was a terrific editor, but he had one major weakness... he liked to spend other people's money.  Felker's expenses were so exorbitant, they out-stripped the magazine's resources.  His lavish spending on limousines, office space and personal chefs drew heavy criticism from his board of directors.

One day Felker demanded they buy him a house in the Hamptons.  That was the last straw.  Clay Felker had grown too big for his britches.  By 1976, the magazine was going broke.  Fed up with his rampant spending, New York magazine's board of directors told Felker to find a solution or start looking for another job.

Clay Felker had recently been introduced to Australian media mogul Rupert Murdoch by Katherine Graham, publisher of the Washington Post.  Graham asked Felker to show the new kid in town around New York.  The two became fast friends, lunching downtown, lounging poolside in the Hamptons and discussing mutual ventures.

Taking note of Murdoch's deep pockets, one day in November 1976, Felker mentioned his boardroom problems to his potential sugar daddy.  Felker asked if Murdoch might be interested in making an investment in the magazine.  That was akin to asking the friendly fat boy next door to watch his hot dog for a while.  Murdoch's eyes lit up.  Murdoch smiled politely.  "Why, sure, Clay, why don't you drop by the beach house this weekend?  Let's have a talk!"
 

Felker must have been in some sort of fog.  Or perhaps he had fallen under the spell of 'Cosmic Stupidity'.  Ordinarily a very shrewd man with killer instincts, in 1976 Felker not only missed on what Nik Cohn was up to, he missed what Rupert Murdoch was up to as well.

What Felker did not seem to understand was that Murdoch was looking to expand his media empire.  That is why Murdoch had come to New York in the first place.  Murdoch had started with the purchase of the New York Post, a blue-collar tabloid.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a way to reach the city's wealthy movers and shakers as well??  Now thanks to Felker's big mouth, Murdoch had just realized Felker's smart, sophisticated New York magazine was in play.

Felker was so certain that Rupert Murdoch was a well-meaning buddy, he was completely blind to the danger.  During that fateful weekend in the Hamptons, Felker poured his heart out to Murdoch.  Journalist Susan Braudy offered this startling eye-witness account:

"I had dinner with Murdoch and Clay Felker in Murdoch’s rented house in Southhampton.  Murdoch’s daughter and son served steak and fresh baby peas.  Flawlessly tasteful.  Intimate.  A stealthy trap.

I was there because I was a weekend houseguest of Clay Felker, the publisher of New York magazine.

For Murdoch, the dinner party was a high-level espionage mission.  Clay Felker had no inkling that Murdoch was secretly positioning himself to steal New York magazine out from under him.

Clay was loquacious throughout the meal.  He explained Manhattan things to Murdoch who Clay clearly saw as a bit of a rube. Clay waxed eloquent about his writers Aaron Latham and Gail Sheehy (who were also present).  He explained my presence in terms of Ms Magazine which he had helped launch and where I wrote and edited.

Clay bragged about his parties.  He confided to Murdoch that he got his best stories by listening to dinner party conversation.  He was oblivious that this time it was Murdoch who was doing the listening. 

Clay got no stories at the Murdoch dinner.  Murdoch said almost nothing.  He asked one or two flattering questions and that was it.  Murdoch was doing to Clay what Clay usually did to everyone else... listen.

A month or so later, Murdoch seized New York magazine and instantly fired Clay despite assurances to the contrary."


Clay Felker had been out of his mind to speak so candidly to the wolf.  Andrew Tobias, one of Felker's writers, had this say:

"Clay was not great with money.  He was always asking me for financial advice like how he could stint on his editorial package.  Clay's bread and butter was creativity.  The stories and graphics and writing meant far more to him than profits.  Then came the day he met a terrific young Australian publishing tycoon. Clay told me, “Andrew, you’ve got to go meet this guy!” 

Clay assumed he was setting up Murdoch to be his shining knight.  After Clay sent me over to visit Rupert Murdoch, Murdoch ended up interviewing me about the magazine.  That's when I got that funny feeling.  Sure enough, to Clay’s consternation, Murdoch grabbed the magazine out from under him."
 

Once Murdoch realized that Felker had alienated the board of directors, Murdoch had his opening.  At the same time Murdoch was sharing meals with Felker, he was negotiating behind Felker's back with the magazine's majority shareholder.  Murdoch waved big money at the Board and they took it.  Clay Felker never saw it coming until it was too late.  Once he realized what Murdoch was up to, Felker tried to persuade his friend Katherine Graham at the Washington Post to rescue him. 

 

When Katherine Graham learned of Murdoch's backdoor dealings, she called Rupert Murdoch to beg him to reconsider.

“Don’t do this to the boy, Rupert.  Don’t destroy this boy, don’t take this boy’s magazine from him.”

Murdoch could not have cared less.  Murdoch sensed weakness.  He was a shark and there was blood in the water.  Felker might be a great editor, but he was a bad businessman.   The moment Murdoch bought the New York magazine, he told Felker to hit the road.  Despite Felker's deep connection to his baby, Felker was of no use to Murdoch.  He didn't want Felker around.  A ship cannot have two captains. 

Felker had expected Murdoch would help him acquire New York magazine, not take it for himself.  Clay felt betrayed, stabbed in the back.  He had trusted the wrong person.  However, there was one last hope.  His stable of talented writers was deeply loyal to Felker.  The writers threatened to revolt if Murdoch fired Felker.  They tried to protest Felker's dismissal, but got nowhere.  Murdoch called their bluff.  If they left, Murdoch said he would replace them faster than the furniture.  Try finding another job in this market, especially after Murdoch put the hex on them.  The revolt collapsed. 

Here is how Richard Reeves, one of Felker's stunned writers, put it:

"This was a time that we all thought the power was with the writers, with the creative people.  We were wrong.  In a way we were forced to learn what they already knew in Hollywood: That’s not the way it is.  The power is with the money.  While we wrote about that all the time, and while Clay understood that intellectually, as a businessman I don’t think he got it."

1976 and 1977 had been tough years for Clay Felker.  First he was outsmarted by Nik Cohn and Robert Stigwood.  Then he was outfoxed by Rupert Murdoch.  Felker's beloved magazine had been ripped out of his hands.  Following these two back to back defeats.  Clay Felker was heart-broken and devastated.  He was also out of a job. 

What would he do now?  The answer was a major key to my Destiny.  Can you guess?
 


SUBCHAPTER 613 - CLAY FELKER'S VISION
Let's face it, there’s nothing quite like seeing the words ‘based on a true story’ at the start of a movie.  Great selling point, yes?  No doubt there was much sanctimonious criticism when the truth came out that the entire story was imagination.  But in reality, there was only one real victim - Clay Felker.  Nik Cohn leapfrogged to the stratosphere using Clay Felker's unwitting shoulders as his springboard. 

Although Nik Cohn did not personally bring about Clay Felker's ruin, he was responsible for the greatest indignity Felker ever suffered.  Felker built his reputation on his ability to spot things before they happened, to spot trends, to identify sub-cultures and bring them to light.  New York magazine was not only directly responsible for bringing the Disco sub-culture out of obscurity, the sensation caused by Cohn's article led to Saturday Night Fever, the major cultural icon of the Seventies.

Clay Felker was given credit for spotting the most 'lucrative' trend of his career... the Disco energy.  And yes, Felker did not mind taking credit for it.  But in his heart, Clay Felker knew that he did not deserve the credit.  Felker had completely missed on this story. 

 

Saturday Night Fever created America's love affair with partner dancing for the first time since the golden era of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.  Seriously, this movie was a gold mine for all.  Everyone who touched this movie profited immensely. 

Everyone, that is, except Clay Felker.  It is unlikely that Felker even made a dime.  Felker made it his business to find hidden nuggets.  As the ultimate 'trend spotter', Felker scoured New York to uncover interesting items, then told one of his gifted writers to go poke their nose into it.  Felker understood these nuggets were not going to come to him, so he was always on the lookout wherever he went. 

Unfortunately, despite his razor-sharp instincts for spotting breaking developments and unusual lifestyles, a story worth $285 million somehow passed right under the nose of the Great Trend Spotter.  The reason Felker never batted an eyelash was easy to explain... there was not much of a trend to begin with!

Disco was on its way out when a street hustler named Nik Cohn penned a completely fictitious story about teenage Disco dancers in Brooklyn.  At this point, Cohn got lucky beyond his wildest dreams.  His first stroke of luck was sneaking his bogus story past his highly skeptical boss.  Cohn's second piece of luck came when Robert Stigwood noticed his story.  This gave Cohn the chance to cash in on the credibility gained from publishing his story in Felker's magazine.  Cohn sold the screen rights to movie producer Robert Stigwood for a pretty penny. 

Clay Felker was fit to be tied.  How did he ever miss this?  Of course Felker had no idea he was being duped.  He assumed the story was legit and understandably felt cursed for missing the Disco trend so badly.  Given Felker's illustrious track record, you really have to feel for the guy.

In Felker's defense, he had been preoccupied with a difficult power struggle for control of his magazine.  Throughout 1976, Clay Felker was embroiled in a struggle to keep Rupert Murdoch from seizing control of his New York magazine.  Quite frankly, New York was just as important to Clay Felker as my dance program was to me.  It was his baby. 

By not paying better attention, first the legendary magazine editor let himself be exploited by Nik Cohn.  As if that wasn't humiliating enough, things went from bad to worse when Felker lost his power struggle to media mogul Rupert Murdoch

Murdoch betrayed a gentleman's agreement he had with Felker to seize control of New York magazine.   Clay Felker was publicly humiliated.  First Cohn made a fool of him, now Rupert Murdoch, a supposed friend, had confiscated his magazine.  The final blow came when Murdoch fired the friend he had betrayed.


 
 

During the time Clay Felker was unemployed, he watched helplessly as the combined box office and soundtrack sales made Saturday Night Fever one of the most lucrative films in cinema history.  Everyone who touched this movie got rich.  Nik Cohn came away with $500,000.  Robert Stigwood made $300 million.  Felker was aghast to realize he was the big loser in the amazing SNF bonanza. 

This was surely the lowest moment of Clay Felker's life.  Bitter at his fate, Clay Felker had a score to settle.  Still smarting from having the Nik Cohn story lifted out from under his nose by Robert Stigwood, Felker became obsessed with getting payback.  He wanted to create his own sequel to Saturday Night Fever before Stigwood did it himself.  Felker was determined to beat Nik Cohn and Robert Stigwood at their own game.  Felker decided he would use his skills to create the sequel to Saturday Night Fever.  

However, there was one huge problem... Stigwood had the rights to Saturday Night Fever, not Felker. Since Felker did not own the rights to SNF, his only choice was to make some sort of 'Disguised Sequel'.  Easier said than done.  How does someone make a sequel that isn't a sequel?  Looking for that answer became Felker's burning obsession. 

Felker knew his goal was a long shot at best.  However, to his credit, Felker knew he had the contacts and the skill to pull it off.  To begin with, Felker had just as many show business contacts as Stigwood.  In addition, Felker knew the SNF formula by heart.  Throughout the making of Saturday Night Fever, Felker had occupied a catbird seat which allowed him to watch every move Stigwood made.  Felker had the knowledge and the contacts to make it happen.  Now he needed the right vehicle.  If the master trend spotter could use his talent to track down something similar to the Disco story, he was certain he could emulate Stigwood's success. 

It was a race against time.  Grease had just finished filming, so it was logical to assume Stigwood would turn his attention to making a sequel to Saturday Night Fever.  Felker had to beat Robert Stigwood to the punch or see this opportunity slip away.
 

At this point, Felker finally caught a break.  Since Robert Stigwood had no idea Felker was chasing him, he turned his attention to making Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, a 1978 American musical mishmash starring the Bee Gees.

Given this unexpected reprieve, Clay Felker scoured the land for some sort of idea.  The inspiration Felker was seeking took place on a 1978 summer trip to Houston.  Ironically, Felker's plane touched down in Houston at virtually the same moment Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was being released.  Stigwood had produced a giant flop at the same time Felker was about to start his path to redemption. 

Clay Felker had come to Houston to give a journalism speech over at Rice University.  Right now, Felker was feeling dejected in the search for his 'vehicle'.  He had looked far and wide for a solution to his 'Sequel' problem without success. 

When Felker landed in Houston, 24 months had passed since Nik Cohn's Disco article was published.  18 months had passed since Felker had been ousted from New York magazine.  12 months had passed since he acquired Esquire Magazine.  7 months had passed since the debut of Saturday Night Fever.

The clock was ticking and no solution was in sight.  Nor did the airport help Felker's bad mood.  As Felker walked through the Houston airport, he was surrounded by images of Saturday Night Fever.  Disco was the talk of the land.  Thanks to the Disco Inferno currently burning throughout the country, Felker was reminded of his shame by Disco merchandise and advertisements in every shop he passed.   No doubt Felker cringed every time he saw a picture of John Travolta to remind him of his oversight.  Felker vowed to find a way to even the score or he would go nuts trying. 

 

Bill Broyles, editor of Texas Monthly magazine, and Mike Levy, publisher, were sponsors of the media event held at the Rice University School of Journalism.  These two men met Felker at the Houston airport and took him to dinner.  Afterwards Levy and Broyles asked Felker what he wanted to do next.  Visit a Disco?  Felker nearly vomited.  Go back to the hotel?  Felker shook his head.  Felker said he had never visited Houston before.  Since the evening was still young, would the men mind showing him around the city?   
 

The three men got in Levy's car and drove around.  On impulse,  Levy and Broyles took Felker over to Gilley’s in neighboring Pasadena.  Since Felker said he could not stand Disco, they were going give their guest a first-hand look at a different type of Texas nightlife.  

The moment Felker walked in the door, his eyes grew as wide as saucers.  This vast honky-tonk featured a country band, country dancing, a mechanical bull, punching bags, pool tables, and scores of urban cowboys on the prowl for urban cowgirls. 

The moment Clay Felker saw all those couples dancing to western music, the tumblers fell into place.  This was it!  Felker had just found what he had been looking for.  Felker realized Gilley's was the country-western equivalent of 2001 Odyssey, the nightclub featured in SNF. 

Give Felker some credit.  It took some genuine imagination to see the next 'Saturday Night Fever' amidst the honky-tonk chaos.  Right now two thousand people were participating in what had to be the most alien environment imaginable to Felker's elitist Eastern sensibilities.  However, Felker was not put off by the strange sight.  Not one bit.  Felker's vision was filtered through a rose-colored lens known as dollar signs. 

Felker said absolutely nothing to his Texas Monthly friends.  Now that he had found his pot of gold, stealth was mandatory.  Felker was getting ready to beat Robert Stigwood to the punch. 

 

The moment Felker returned to his hotel, he wasted no time.  Felker needed a country-western story similar to the Nik Cohn story and he needed it fast.  So Felker called his writer friend Aaron Latham at 3 am in the morning. 

"Aaron, get on a plane and get your butt down to Houston pronto!"

Aaron Latham was a Washington DC resident who was married to long-time 60 Minutes correspondent Leslie Stahl.  Although Latham was born in West Texas, he went to college at Princeton.  After graduation, Latham remained on the East Coast to begin his career.  Latham had been Felker’s primary Watergate reporter at New York magazine back in the early Seventies.

Latham and Felker were now close friends.  This was a good thing since Felker needed someone he trusted.  If one word of this leaked out, Robert Stigwood might step back in.  After Felker's emergency phone call in the middle of the night, Aaron Latham made a beeline to Houston. 

Aaron Latham had never heard of Gilley's.  But that didn't matter.  He understood that Felker wanted him to cut and paste Nik Cohn's Disco story into the Gilley's C&W environment.  Latham began fast-tracking the script for Felker's precious 'Sequel in Disguise'.

 

Clay Felker had told Aaron Latham to introduce himself to Sherwood Cryer, co-owner of Gilley's.  As the two men walked around the club, Cryer advised Latham on various angles for the Esquire article.  Sherwood Cryer had a big smile on his face.  Cryer did not mind walking this stranger through the cavernous paths of Gilley's.  Cryer knew exactly what Felker was up to.  Clay Felker had taken Cryer into his confidence to say he intended to make Gilley's the Country-Western equivalent of Saturday Night Fever.  Cryer had a strong hunch this story was going to put Gilley's on the national map.

During his tour of the club, Aaron Latham met some interesting Gilley's regulars including the colorful operator of the mechanical bull.  Unbeknownst to Latham at the time, the bull operator was an escaped convict hiding in plain sight here at Gilley's.  The man somehow persuaded Latham into riding the mechanical bull.  Latham was a brave man.  Since beginners were sure to be thrown, it took real guts to get up on that violent machine. 

Sure enough, Latham was quickly thrown off the bull... and immediately got hooked.  Latham spent the rest of the day trying to master the mechanical bull.  Bruised, beaten, and sore all over, Latham laughed at how seriously he had taken the challenge.  Latham vowed to make that mechanical beast the surprise star of his story. 

Latham hung around Gilley's for a month.  He interviewed everyone in sight and rode the bull every chance he got.  The more people he talked to, the more he realized many of them had grown up in the Texas countryside just like he had.  They had moved to the big city to chase factory jobs created by Houston's booming economy.  The Gilley's regulars brought their country ways along with them.  Their boots, cowboy hats, trucks, Wrangler jeans, and love of country music played a big part in who they were.  Right now, these people were straddling two worlds... the country and the city, half-Urban, half-Cowboy.

Latham smiled.  He had his theme.  He called these uprooted kickers 'Urban Cowboys'.  Latham wrote his story about young men who spent every spare evening trying to impress women by riding the mechanical bull and looking for love on the dance floor.

In September 1978, Latham's The Ballad of the Urban Cowboy and America's Search for True Grit appeared in Esquire.  This was undoubtedly the most pretentious title in history.  Clay Felker had the sense to place a powerful subtitle on the cover of his magazine:  'Saturday Night Fever, Country-Western style'.  Clay Felker's headline worked like a charm.  As Felker hoped, Hollywood got the hint: 'Disguised Sequel'.   

Irving Azoff, business manager of the rock band Eagles, saw the chance to do for his stable of country music artists what Robert Stigwood had previously done for the Bee Gees.  Azoff won the bidding contest and began producing Urban Cowboy. 

In a blinding stroke of good fortune, John Travolta pursued the lead without even being asked.  With Travolta on board, the success of the movie was virtually guaranteed. Urban Cowboy became Brooklyn with boots on, a hard-hitting story of directionless youth with John Travolta as the Dancing Cowboy.

 

I have to believe that Clay Felker's Urban Cowboy project must have been deeply satisfying.  Considering the hardships he faced, Felker was surely proud of himself.  My favorite part of the Clay Felker saga was how he carefully exploited the knowledge gained from following Robert Stigwood's moves.  Clay Felker had the sense to capitalize on it in a very unique way.  The movie box office take was $53 million, the soundtrack earnings were $47 million which adds up to a tidy $100 million.  Not bad for a lame rip-off. 

Putting this 'Disguised Sequel' together was an extremely clever move.  Nor was Felker finished.  There is ample circumstantial evidence to suggest that while Aaron Latham was writing the script, Clay Felker contacted everyone on his Rolodex regarding tie-ins to the movie. 

For example, it cannot possibly be a coincidence that the United States was bombarded by Country-Western fashions prior to the release of the movie.  Nor can it be a coincidence that the movie soundtrack was released well in advance of the movie release.  All the marketing was in place long before the public had the slightest idea this project even existed.

It also stands to reason that Clay Felker or one of his associates tipped off Lance McFaddin.  McFaddin was the director of Houston-based McFaddin-Kendrick, the company that specialized in opening fancy nightclubs such as Foxhunter, élan, Ciao, Rodeo, and Cowboy. I am certain that Lance McFaddin used his insider knowledge to orchestrate the curious Disco-to-Western chain reaction that upset me so much.  McFaddin-Kendrick's February debut of Foxhunter to Cowboy was the opening shot in the Western Club Transformation.

Here is an interesting article that casts more light on the unusual Western Transformation. 

   


C&W Nightclubs Riding High
Written by Michael Demarest
Time Magazine, 1981

"In 1975 Houston had at most a dozen cactus cabarets.  By the time 1981 rolled around, Houston now had more than 300, few of which cared to emulate Gilley's Dodge City outlaw style.

In February 1979, McFaddin-Kendrick, a Houston-based conglomerate, opened Cowboy, the city's first upscale Twostep saloon after doing extensive market research.  Following its success with Cowboy, McFaddin-Kendrick then went on to launch a national chain of 40 western barns that mixed country music with disco music.

Cowboy's success revolutionized the club industry. Before then, there was no such thing as a "classy" country place.  It used to be your choices ranged from your standard country dump #1 to your standard country dump #2. 

No one recognized the market for "attractive" western clubs even existed.  For that matter, no one had any idea it was possible to successfully mix disco music with country and western under one roof without people killing one another. 

However, once Cowboy took off for the moon in typical Space City fashion, everyone else jumped on the bandwagon and opened Cowboy imitations.

The most successful, Fool's Gold and San Antone Rose, were located in affluent Houston residential areas and, like Cowboy, catered to the Gucci gauchos. 

Imitation proved to be the most sincere form of flattery." 
 
 
 
 
I was well aware that Victoria would be the perfect wife for me.  Victoria was no ordinary woman.  She skyrocketed my career and became the driving force in my business.  She was a terrific mother, a terrific business woman, and ridiculously popular.  Beautiful, smart, outgoing, committed to the same goals as me, I had never met any woman like her. 

 
 


SUBCHAPTER 518 - SUPERNATURAL SITUATION 65
 


Rick Archer's Footnote: 

With Patricia's entry into my life, the Stage was set.  My three modern-day Goddesses were now assembled.  Patricia was the most beautiful, Victoria was the most talented, and Joanne was the best dancer.  Victoria, Joanne, and Patricia would soon begin a head to head battle to be crowned the Supreme Goddess of Disco. 

An Archer named Paris had judged the Beauty Contest that led to the Trojan War.  An Archer named Rick would preside over the Battle of the Disco Divas, a contest filled with tears and bruised egos. 

Caught in the middle, I would have gone into hiding had I known the misery in store for me.  While Paris was allowed to shoot his arrows at someone else, these women would aim their arrows at me.  I was the hunted one.  And what prize would go to the winner?  That would be me.  I was not only the judge, but I was also the trophy.  And which woman would be the winner in this contest?  Keep reading.

The Beauty Contest was literally the most important single event of my dance career.  The interaction between these three women would create consequences that would last a lifetime.  In retrospect I would decide this life-defining situation was Supernatural in origin. 

 

 
 
I had not forgotten Eric, the man who should have ended my dance career back in May.  Eric's behavior in Stevens' office was beyond irrational.  One does not get anywhere in life without a little common sense.  Even a dimwit should have known that all Eric had to do was flatter Stevens and butter him up.  Instead Eric barged in the office and demanded that Stevens make him a business partner.  The whole thing smacked of Temporary Insanity.  Hmm.  Or was it 'Cosmic Stupidity'? 
 
First of all, the Ritz Disaster saved my job because it immunized me from the danger of Cliann's dire predictions.  No matter how many times Cliann warned Stevens about me, he would point out that no one as inept as me could possibly be a threat.  It was a curious quirk of Fate... Cosmic Stupidity perhaps... that Stevens had become completely blind to me as a threat when his wife saw it clearly.  Second, his nonchalance was about to pave the way for a lucky break that would send my Carpet Ride skyrocketing into the upper atmosphere.  Without the Ritz Silver Lining, no doubt he would have been on guard.  Sometimes it helps to be taken for granted.

So what about the Ritz?  My horrible Bad Luck had turned into wonderful Good Luck.  Very confusing, but utterly fascinating.  Stevens made a bad mistake by underestimating me.  I was ambitious, oh yes, indeed.  I was very hungry, I just didn't let Stevens know it.  I continued to pretend to be a stumbling, bumbling fool like Claudius.  Meanwhile I continued to seethe over the Ritz Disaster.  Certain that Stevens had deliberately set me up for humiliation, I lusted for the day when I would get my revenge.  It was coming soon.
 
 
Magic Carpet Ride is a very long book that unfolds in two stages.  Oddly enough, I wrote Part Two first.  It explains the uncanny events that led to the formation of my dance studio.  This section is chock full of the weird events that led to my eventual success. 

After the aforementioned shoving incident on the cruise ship in 2012, I began to write my book.  One day I was taking a long walk in the forest with my wife Marla.  She asked me to describe how the book was coming along.  When I explained I started the book with my abysmal failure in Graduate School, she stopped in her tracks and turned to me with a frustrated look on her face.

"Rick, you cannot start there.  People will not appreciate what you accomplished unless they are clear how you became so screwed up in the first place.  You must explain your strange childhood.  Otherwise your story will not make sense."

Marla can be unusually blunt, so it took me a moment to deal with being termed 'screwed up' by my wife.  Fortunately I knew where she was coming from.  To appreciate white, you must know black.  Marla was right.  To fully understand the origins of the handicaps I was forced to overcome in Part Two, my childhood needed to be included.  Part One covers both my failure in Graduate School and my troubled childhood as well.  Let me add that Part One is very important because it covers an event that I consider to be a true miracle. 

Throughout my Magic Carpet Ride saga, I became aware of a Good Luck - Bad Luck dichotomy.  For example, I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world to be accepted into Graduate School and handed a full scholarship.  However, by the time Christmas rolled around, Colorado State had turned into the worst experience of my life. 

Is there a way to escape our Fate?  If everything Pre-destined, are we 'responsible' for our mistakes?   If everything is Pre-destined, what is the point of trying? 

 

 

In my despair, I was certain I must be the unluckiest guy on earth.  And yet the day would come when a series of baffling coincidences would make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world.  I did not get just one lucky break, I got ten of them in a row.  In fact, my luck was so unusually powerful that I began to wonder what on earth was going on.

Over time, I became convinced a Hidden Hand was responsible.  No one had the right to get as many lucky breaks as me.  Every gamble I took paid off.  People appeared at the right moment to hand me golden opportunities.  Every time I made a serious mistake, an amazing rescue appeared out of thin air. 

We all know that coincidences and lucky breaks can be unsettling.  Often we have no idea what to make of them.  A coincidence can be something odd like running into a childhood friend in an unexpected place years later.  Or it can be getting a phone call from a distant relative moments after thinking about the person for no reason.  Ordinarily we dismiss these moments and turn our attention elsewhere.  However, once in while, we run across a coincidence that is so unusual that we are forced to stop and consider the possibility of a supernatural explanation. 

 

After three years of non-stop lessons, to my surprise, I was handed three opportunities to teach line dances in the space of four months.  Although I did not ask for these opportunities, at least I had the sense to take advantage of what was given to me.   I still wasn't much of a dancer, but I knew enough to explain how a line dance works to another person.  That's not saying much.  After all, teaching a line dance is about as humble as it gets in the World of Dance. 

Two months later I caught a huge break.  Saturday Night Fever appeared in the theaters and created an instant demand for dance lessons.  Despite the fact that I barely knew what I was doing, I instantly became the best-known dance teacher in Houston thanks to a bizarre, one in a million fluke.  I had gone from Zero to Hero in ten seconds.  That was the moment my 'Magic Carpet Ride' soared beyond my wildest imagination.  With each succeeding lucky break acting as my next stepping stone, I embarked on a strange career as a dance teacher despite no apparent gift for dancing whatsoever. 

I was fully aware how unusually fortunate I was to be in the forefront of this Disco phenomenon.  However, my life was so busy with a frenzied, rollercoaster existence, I did not have the time or perspective to fully understand what was happening to me.  Given that I was basically incompetent at what I was doing, it took all my strength and cunning just to cope with the myriad of obstacles laid in my path. 

It took seven long, difficult years for the dust to clear, but then one day I realized I no longer had to struggle.  After surviving challenge after challenge by the skin of my teeth, lo and behold, I had created the largest dance studio in Houston.  Nor would it stop there.  The day would come when I would own the largest independent dance studio in the country. 

I knew this had to be a mistake.  I could not have done this on my own.  Convinced I was some sort of Destiny's Child, I looked back and carefully chronicled every event, every lucky break, every coincidence, every unusual situation, every special person who had opened doors for me at just the right time.  The total was staggering.  I came up with a list of 80 events and unusual situations so far out of the ordinary that I had no choice but wonder if a Hidden Hand had been involved in arranging these events.

Lining each lucky break side by side, these stepping stones diagrammed a clear-cut path that seemingly had been laid out for me well in advance.  All I had to do was follow the bread crumbs along the way.  And then one day the lucky breaks stopped.  I concluded now that I had assumed the role I was meant to fulfill, someone decided I no longer required any special help. 

From this point on, I led a hectic, but normal life.  30 years passed with no more weird coincidences, nothing out of the ordinary.  During this time, it turned out I had a special flair for running a dance studio.  As my program grew by leaps and bounds, I received many compliments.  Maybe too many compliments.  Although I would never forget the lucky breaks that had given me my start, I started to get the big head.  Surely it was my talent that explained my success.  I began to believe with my kind of ability, I would have eventually  made it this far even without all those lucky breaks back at the start.  I was quite proud of myself.

In 2010 the lease on my dance studio was about to expire.  After running the dance studio for 32 years, I was tired, worn out.  Financially secure for life, this would be a good time to stop.  Who wants to be signing a long-term lease at age 60?  So I sold my beloved dance studio.  Unfortunately, once I saw how inept the new owner was, I regretted my decision.  Bitterly unhappy with the way the new owner handled the studio, the moment my non-compete clause expired in 2012, I was aching to get back in the game and open a new studio. 

Out of nowhere, a person approached me with a golden opportunity.  I could rent his existing dance studio for pennies compared to what I used to pay.  No lease was necessary.  Since the financial risk was negligible, this looked like the real thing.  In fact, this was such a lucky break, I was convinced I had received a signal from beyond to continue my dance career.  I had everything going for me... a good reputation, a great location, a huge email list of former students, two excellent business partners, and thirty-plus years of experience.  But it didn't work.  Over a six-month period, nothing clicked.  How could this be?  I knew every trick in the book.  After all, I was the one who once created the largest dance studio in America.  Unfortunately, a strange series of bad breaks suggested I had made a mistake.

The final straw came when a drunken bully half my age attacked me in front of throng of dance students.  Shoving me backwards, he put his chest into mine and accidentally spit in my face with rage.  And what was he mad about?  He was furious because I had told his girlfriend the party was over and that the last song had already been requested by someone else.  I stood my ground and angrily refused to apologize as we went jaw to jaw.  Eventually cooler heads pulled the man away.

At this point, I expected my friends to stand up for me.  After all, several people who I counted as friends had witnessed the event.  To my surprise, due to this man's popularity, most of them said they did not want to choose sides.  I was incredulous.  Meanwhile my assailant claimed to everyone who would listen that I had been rude to his girlfriend.  Since I did not start the altercation, imagine my amazement when the court of public opinion went against me.  "The customer is always right, even the drunk ones.  Rick should have backed down." Back down from a jerk who assaulted me?  Sorry, but that's not me.  

I was angry and humiliated at being embarrassed like this in front of people whose respect meant a lot to me.  However, on a deeper level, I was bewildered.  The irony was inescapable.  When I was a young man and had nothing going for me, I was a success beyond my wildest imagination because I received one break after another.  Now that I was older and wiser with every possible advantage going for me, one misfortune after another had doomed my comeback.  I asked myself one question over and over again... how much sense does it make that a man would lose his temper over something so trivial? 

 

Feeling abandoned by my friends and crushed by my failure, I quietly closed my latest dance program and went into hiding.  I did not fail for lack of trying.  Nor did I fail due to any stupid mistakes.  I failed because every possible thing that could go wrong did go wrong.  In fact, I didn't just fail, I failed so miserably that I was forced to raise an eyebrow.  If I was reading my tea leaves correctly, someone really didn't want me running a dance studio any longer.  Looking for answers, one day I ran across an Arabic saying that made a deep impression on me.

If it is meant to be, God will move two mountains to make it happen.  And if it is not meant to be, you will never taste it even if it is placed between your lips. 

I was crestfallen.  Right now I felt like I had been scolded by God.  Back in the early days my first dance studio, I was convinced my success was due to help from beyond.  Due some miraculous lucky breaks, in a sense God really had moved two mountains.  This will become apparent in my story. 

Now late in my life when I took my continued success for granted, God had seemingly ripped further glory right from between my two lips. 

However, over the years my ego grew.  Sure, I was lucky back in the beginning, but the studio's continued success was surely due to my talent.  Now I knew better.  My talent meant nothing.  What had just happened was so far out of the ordinary that I decided God had sent the young man who attacked me as a messenger.  The message was clear.  I could have all the talent in the world, but unless I followed God's Will, I would never succeed on my own merits.  I was abashed by this realization, but grateful at the same time.  All credit must be given to God.  If God means for me to succeed, I will.  And if I am not meant to succeed, I will not succeed.   Heck, even I can read the writing on the wall when the letters are large enough, especially when someone spits in my face. 

So I asked myself a question.  If teaching dance was not what I was supposed to do, then what was I supposed to do?  I decided it was time to write this book.

There will be those who scoff at the suggestion that our lives are guided by Fate.  I counter by saying there is much about this world that we do not understand.  If someone watches carefully enough, they may notice this world we call 'Reality' is filled with unexplained phenomena.  If one explores these mysterious observations further, there is no telling what one may discover. 

 
Was I as mediocre as Stevens made me out to be?  Yes and no.  Using the Peter Principle analogy, I was fine at the level I operated at.  The first two months went well.   Three years of practicing line dances and freestyle paid off handsomely.  The phone kept ringing off the hook and I handled all comers.  Everything went so smoothly that I thought this is how it would always be here at my Dream Job.  Then one day the Honeymoon ended.  Stevens had decided to promote me to my level of incompetence.  Now my job was in serious jeopardy.

 
 
During my dance career, all sorts of strange dances had their day... Dirty Dancing, Lambada, Samba, Lindy Hop, Argentine Tango, Zydeco, Zumba, Hip Hop, Western Line Dance.  I was not interested in these dances, but I still managed to show respect.  If someone wanted me to offer a class for these exotic dances, I simply went out and found an instructor to teach it.  Not once did I turn up my nose although I will say the 'Achy-Breaky Heart' line dance tested me sorely. 
 
Becky's announcement that she was quitting caught me totally flat-footed.  I fully intended to pine for her over Christmas, then act on my New Year's resolution to ask her out when her class resumed in January.  So much for that fantasy.  I had never been the same since dropping the ball with Katie.  Now my shame was deepened with the knowledge I had made essentially the same mistake with Becky.  When would I ever learn to conquer my fear and speak up?  And so the Epic Losing Streak extended into 1976. 

However, life must go on.  My relationship with Gaye was the main reason I began to take small risks with dating.  My tattered love life acted as a laboratory for training experiences.  I would screw things up and then Gaye would coach me through my mistakes.  Spread across 1976 were 14 short-term relationships, none of which I would remember if I hadn't written the names down of the various ladies. 

One lady lasted as long as a month, but the rest were one or two dates.  There was a reason they didn't last long.  As always, I avoided any woman who might pose a threat.  By avoiding challenging women, I reduced the drama in my life.  Oddly enough, there was not one date which included dancing.  I suppose the memory of Katie at Melody Lane had something to do with that.  I still had a gaping hole in my heart for her.  Or maybe it was my crushing failure to ask Becky out when I should have.  That said, I made sure to continue my dance lessons.  We will get to that shortly.

During the year, I slowly gained at least some courage with women.  However, I pushed them away if they got too close.  Then I would discuss my latest failure with Gaye.  Gaye was trying her best to educate me on women.  She understood my Phobia quite well.  It was her theory that I was a good person with a big heart who hid behind a wall.  I turned into a Porcupine whenever threatening women entered the picture.  That is when my dark side kicked in.  I became touchy, obnoxious, arrogant and insensitive.  The Cassie story is a good example.  Gaye understood this was my way of staying safe and protecting my feelings, but added there had to be a better way to handle my fear of rejection.

 
 

Science does not like 'Fate' at all.  The word 'Fate' conjures up images of Curses and Superstition.  Superstition is defined by science as a belief that is considered irrational or supernatural.  Superstition is said to arise from from ignorance.  It is created by an incorrect belief in Fate, in magic, and fear of the unknown.  It is commonly applied to beliefs surrounding luck, prophecy, and certain spiritual beings, particularly the belief that future events can be foretold.  Things people believe are caused by Fate can always be explained by science. 

 


Rick Archer's Footnote:

The dark shadow that haunted me throughout the Lost Years was my Rejection Phobia.  My fear of women can be traced directly to Vanessa.  The most significant consequence of Vanessa's lies and betrayal during graduate school was my loss of trust in women.  This Phobia was very powerful.  It made me gun-shy around attractive women.  To begin with, it caused me to avoid approaching any woman who might have the potential to hurt me.  If I thought a certain woman was special, I automatically avoided her.  However sometimes I was lucky enough to accidentally meet a special woman, someone like Rachel or Katie.  To my surprise, both women seemed to like me in spite of myself.  So naturally I spent untold hours worrying about getting hurt again the same way Vanessa had hurt me.

It was my bad luck that Rachel did indeed hurt me the same way that Vanessa did.  Her decision to sleep with Aaron, the Rice professor, reinforced my fear that any woman I cared about would eventually hurt me badly.  Sorry to say, but the memory of both Vanessa and Rachel affected me terribly when I met Katie.  In the back of my mind, I was certain that she too would hurt me.  This fear was so intense that I was never able to work up the courage to ask her out.

What made Katie special was her uncanny ability to get me to let down my guard.  Katie was like a horse whisperer or dog whisperer.  Animals who have suffered abuse from people or been traumatized through an accident develop dangerous behavior such as biting or snarling that are almost impossible to heal.  In Katie's presence, I was an entirely different person.  I could laugh, I could joke, I could smile, I could let my warmth show.  But the entire time, I worried that if I trusted Katie too much, she would hurt me.  So, with the memory of Rachel and Aaron fresh in my mind, rather than take a chance, I simply walked away from Katie. 

By turning my back on Katie, I was safe again, but I was also forlorn.  The healthy side of my mind knew I had passed on a once-in-a-lifetime kind of girl.  My failure to tell Katie how much I cared about her ripped a giant hole in my heart.  This was the moment when I knew I was profoundly crippled.  This Phobia of mine was so serious, I might never be able to lick it.  I felt like I was destined to screw things up with any important woman I met for the rest of my life. 

One day I asked myself an interesting question.  I had been trained by my life experiences to give up.  Was it possible for me to reverse that mindset on my own?  Can someone with psychological issues as deep as mine overcome them by himself? 

With the benefit of hindsight, I think the answer is 'No'.   I was my own worst enemy.  When it came to women, I had dug myself into a hole so deep I cannot imagine how I would have ever climbed out under my own power.  As my story has shown, I certainly wasn't getting anywhere using my own methods.  Not only that, the insidious thing was that I was not in enough pain to force myself to seek help.  I figured if I drifted long enough, eventually some girl would come along who would take me the way I was, warts, scars and all.  Sure, I was lonely.  Sure, I was depressed.  But at least I was safe.  I could live with loneliness, I had done it my entire life.  But I could not live with another broken heart.  So I quit.  I gave up trying to overcome my fears.  Therefore I consider it a miracle of sorts that Gaye appeared on my doorstep.  Gaye was a Godsend.  I thoroughly believe this.  As we shall see, Gaye became the person who helped me turn my life around. 

I have a confession to make.  If there is one thing I regret, it was my utter powerlessness to solve my problems on my own during the Lost Years.  At this time, I had two glaring issues in my life.  Thanks to Dr. Fujimoto, I had no career.  Thanks to Vanessa, I had no girlfriend.  I also had no willpower left.  If I had not stumbled into Gaye's office, I cannot imagine conquering my handicaps on my own.

This helpless period of my life explains why I have long been obsessed with Martin Seligman's 'Learned Helplessness' experiment.   Once Seligman trained a dog to give up, he was baffled at the dog's inability to see it had the power to easily solve the next problem in Stage Two.  I strongly identified with those dogs.  Back in high school, I had been trained to give up around women.  Now with each new woman I met, I had the power to change my behavior, but all I did was give up at the first sign of trouble.   

Martin Seligman was determined to find a cure for the helpless attitude of the dogs.  In the end, he discovered the only way he could cure the dogs was to drag them KICKING AND SCREAMING over their barrier during the shock process.  Without his help, the dogs would have never jumped.  Instead they would have wallowed on the electrified floor of the compartment whimpering in pain. 

I had no business becoming a dance teacher.  The whole thing was a complete accident.  In fact, when I look back at how my Lost Years turned out, I feel like the Universe played a huge Cosmic Joke on me.  Let's say it was my Destiny to have a dance career.  That is what the book is about, right?  I wish I could claim that I had an early fascination with dance and took one bold step after another to make things happen.  Then I could say I was a daring visionary and take credit for my success.
 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  There's an old phrase, 'Take the Bull by the horns'.  Unfortunately, rather than forcefully attack the difficult situation of finding a career, I did absolutely nothing.  I was such a fearful young man that I was incapable of taking the slightest risk.  Not only that, I had my priorities all screwed up.  I was so desperate to find a girlfriend, it took forever to figure out that if I had a career, the girlfriend problem would have taken care of itself.

It is embarrassing to admit how lost I was, but....

What happened instead was the Universe pulled me kicking and screaming past my fears every step of the way.  First the Courtesan book tricked me into thinking that 'Dance Lessons' would solve my loneliness problem.  Lot of good that did me.  I never found a single girlfriend during the Lost Years.  The next trick came courtesy of Mark.  I was unwilling to practice my dancing, so Mark asked his friend Donna to drag me onto the dance floor.  And how crazy was it that I immersed myself in the Gay Community for eight months?  Good grief, I was so scared of women the only way I could learn to dance was to practice in a gay dance club.   However, once I reached my goal, now I was too fearful to leave!  So the Universe sent Manimal to nudge me along to my next Stepping Stone.

 
 

Considering my strong interest in Fate, it might come as a surprise that I have a skeptical streak as well.  Unlike some gullible people who will believe anything if it's in the Bible or a preacher says it's so, I prefer to mull things over and reach my own conclusions. 

Back when I was in college, I was so full of despair I wondered if God even existed.  I wanted to pray to God and ask for help, but I couldn't make myself do it for the simple reason that I was unsure that God existed.  One day a Quaker friend suggested I read Autobiography of a Yogi.  I loved this book and found myself very drawn to the concepts of Reincarnation and Karma.  This was my introduction to the concepts of Eastern Religion.  However, I could not accept these far-out ideas simply on Faith.  I needed to know more.  So for two years I read every book I could get my hands on that dealt with psychic phenomenon and the nature of coincidence. 

At the end of my Magical Mystery Tour, I was 99% convinced of the existence of God and Fate.  It was time to quit reading and start contributing, so I concentrated on becoming a therapist.  Unfortunately, that noble intention led to the most crushing defeat of my life.  After being tossed from graduate school, I had no idea what to do.  Far too miserable to think about the future, the first thing I did was concentrate on putting an end to my unbearable loneliness.  Dedicating myself to finding a girlfriend, I settled on dance lessons as my best strategy to get to First Base.  Only one problem... I could not dance a lick!  However, I had promised God I would keep taking lessons, so I stuck with it for an eternity.

After nearly three years of dance lessons, I met Katie in a Ballroom dance class.  I was thrilled!  Imagine that, my far-fetched strategy had finally paid off.  Hallelujah!  Katie was a sweetheart.  I would have married her in a heartbeat.  Even better, Katie really liked me.  But then came the night when Jack, the instructor, invited our class to go dancing with him.  Katie said she would meet me there.  The evening went well until Katie mysteriously seemed to lose interest in me.  As if on cue, Jack came over to ask Katie to dance.  Katie dropped me in a flash.  Never the sharpest guy around women, I wasn't sure how to explain the sudden cold shoulder.  That is when I remembered seeing her face drop when I told her about my low-paying child abuse job.  I watched in horror as Jack swept the lovely Katie off her feet with a Waltz.  Gee, I wish I could dance like that.  That is when it hit me... women are attracted to excellence, not mediocrity. As I sat there watching Katie laugh and smile, the most horrible thought in the world crossed my mind.

"How will I ever support a family without a career?  Kids cost money!  Without a career, I will never be more than a friend to Katie."

Full of despair, I got up and walked out the door.  That was the last I ever saw of Katie, the girl I wanted to marry.  Walking away from Katie was so unbearable, I went into shock.  It was painful to realize my poor judgment had sabotaged this promising relationship.  I was so busy taking dance lessons as a way to get to First Base it never dawned on me I had no strategy to get all the way to Home Plate.  I had just wasted three years on a bunch of stupid dance lessons and a dead end job when I should have been training for a career that held promise.  How could I have ever been so stupid? 

This realization cut like a knife through my heart.  The biggest irony of all was that after three years, I wasn't even much of a dancer.  I felt like I had absolutely nothing to show for all that time.  I was so angry at myself I could not see straight.  The loss of Katie and the realization that it was my own fault was so devastating, I lapsed deep into depression.  Without a career, how was I ever going to put an end to my 13 year Epic Losing Streak?

Slow to recover from the loss of Katie, I spent the next couple months unable to decide what to do.  Computers?  High school history teacher?  Sports writer?  I was sick to my stomach because each idea required further training.  I was very reluctant to go back to school, not after the way I had been treated at Colorado State.  Paralyzed with indecision, one day something strange happened.  Right in the midst of all this despair, Rosalyn asked me to substitute teach her dance class. 

This Stepping Stone was followed in rapid succession by two more Stepping Stones.  In the space of six months, I suddenly had a full-time job as a dance instructor.  The strangest thought crossed my mind.  It felt like the stars had just lined up for me.  I wonder if this will lead to something? 

 
 

Then Katie came along.  Katie was a major threat to my dance career.  Seriously, if Katie had become my girlfriend, dance lessons would have gone out the window.  But the Universe knew how to keep us apart.  My inability to see a simple opening like asking Katie to practice with me outside of class was Mistake Number One.  Mistake Number Two was my inability to realize Katie had hinted for me to come to her house and take her to the dance event at Melody Lane.  These errors were borderline criminal ignorance.  I was so utterly blind to these obvious openings that I have to wonder if 'Cosmic Stupidity' was in play. 

My desperation following Katie's loss was so painful that I completely gave up on women.  That allowed me to finally get around to thinking about a career.  And what good did that do me?  I showed up in a woman's office who never said a single word about my career.  But what Gaye did do was turn my life around.  In other words, I was tricked again, but for my own good. 

So what about my Accidental dance career?  In my case, it would take three years to learn how to dance.  Here's the deal... people with actual dance ability can cover the same ground in a matter of weeks or a few months at the most.  No one takes three years.  No one but me, that it.  Due to my snail's pace, the Game was to keep me taking dance lessons for THREE YEARS without giving me the slightest idea where the lessons were headed.  In order to keep me committed to dance lessons that were not doing me a bit of good, the Universe had to go to some rather extreme lengths.  Cosmic Stupidity blocked me from asking Katie out, Gloria played her peculiar role of keeping me 'preoccupied' until the timing was right, and Gaye would begin the difficult process of ironing out the flaws in my personality.  In the meantime, I made no progress whatsoever towards achieving a so-called legitimate career.  Following my dismissal from graduate school, all I did for three Lost Years was wander around like a fool wondering what I should do with my life. 

I think it is safe to say my Accidental Dance Career was no accident.  Someone was guiding me every step of the way.  Given that I had no idea what was going on, it is truly humbling to say I did nothing to deserve the career that would one day be handed to me.  I did not decide to become a dance teacher.  Someone decided it for me.
 

Let me share another unusual twist.  25 years after I met Gaye, I decided to organize my first-ever cruise trip for my dance studio.  I was genuinely pleased to discover I was very good at persuading my dance students to sign up for the trip.  Imagine how surprised I was to get 100 people to join me on my very first try.  Not only that, I did a terrific job of keeping them entertained during the trip.  I organized dance lessons during the day and hosted dance parties on each night of the trip.  The adventure went so well that my students begged me to do it again the next year... and the next year... and the year after that. 

That first trip was special for another reason.  I met my wife Marla on that 2001 cruise trip.  Marla would be instrumental in helping me embark on a second career of organizing cruise trips.  So here is what is curious.  In 1975, Gaye asked me to fantasize a dream job.  Out of nowhere came an unexpected desire to be the guy who organized the games and activities on a cruise ship.  My unusual idea went absolutely nowhere at the time.  However, 25 years later, I ended up doing the job I had dreamed about in Gaye's office.  Considering I had never been on a cruise trip in my life back in 1975, my surprise fantasy bordered upon precognition. 

 

"Are you confident that the way you view the world is the way it really is?"

I cannot scientifically prove that Fate is a Reality.  However, I have shared one observation after another to suggest there is more to this world than meets the eye.  If you think my story has been strange so far, it just keeps getting stranger.
 
As the Reader has surely noticed, it is unusual to read a book told from two directions.  First I explain each important incident as it happens using my perspective at the time... 'Life must be lived forwards'.   Then I explain the same incident based on the perspective of a 70 year old man reflecting on his past... 'Life can only be understood backwards'.  In other words, I wasn't just thinking in Realistic terms,

 

 
According to Dr. Hilton, there are two ways to deal with a Phobia, the easy way and the right way.  The right way is to get back in the saddle and start riding again.  However, most people take the easy way out.  It is so much easier to simply avoid the situation that causes the panic.  Rather than get in the inner tube for a river adventure, the woman who feared water snakes opted to throw her money away and go home.  Caroline solved her drowning phobia by taking showers rather than baths.  Caroline had it so bad she refused to sit in six inches of water in her daughter's kiddie pool.  After filling the little pool with the hose, she would sit on the grass and relax as her daughter played.  Caroline could not care less that she was avoiding the problem.  Her solution worked just fine. 

I did not have the luxury of avoiding my problem.  The longer I avoided women, the worse the problem became.  I was 24 with the dating skills of a 16-year old.  I was incapable of making the first move, especially if the woman was beautiful.  Due to my facial scars, I refused to approach any woman I did not know and take the chance she would recoil in revulsion.  For my entire life, I had solved this problem in a very simple way... if a girl approached me first, then I could talk to her.  To me, that meant she had seen my face and my face was acceptable.  However, if a girl did not talk to me first or give me any encouragement, I assumed I was not attractive enough.  Consequently I refused to approach an attractive woman unless she made the first move. 

This was a terrible attitude.   The kind of women I was attracted to expected the man to make the first move.  Fat chance of that.  Even I knew that much.  I hated being passively stuck waiting for a girl to approach me.  Right now I could not even get to First Base unless the girl did the work for me.  For example, I never could have approached Vanessa in a million years.  She had approached me.  Likewise, Debbie and Yolanda had approached me first.  However, my experience at Colorado State had shown that few women were as aggressive as these three.  Until I found a way to lick my fear of approaching women without prior encouragement, I was doomed to remain lonely.

 
 

Yolanda's Yes-No act reminded me of high school when two similar Lolitas had moved into our house.  When Janie and Linda came along, I was miserable from dealing with that boyhood curse known as overactive sex drive.  At 18, I wanted to touch a woman in the worst possible way.  That left me with one of the toughest decisions of my life.  Now that these two smiling girls had been dropped in my lap, the temptation to act was overwhelming.  Should I or shouldn't I?

My mother's words immediately returned to mind.  "It wasn't love, but it wasn't bad."  Due to my mother's fond acceptance of casual sex, I wondered if these two girls felt the same way.  Would these two senoritas like sex for the fun of it?  Or was affection necessary?  It wasn't like I had anyone to ask.  How Janie, Linda, or women in general felt about casual sex remained a complete mystery to me. 

At the time, I had never touched a girl in my life.  Linda and Janie had appeared at a very difficult time for me.  The indifference of the girls at St. John's had ruined all my self-confidence around girls my age.  Due to nine years stuck on the bottom rung of the St. John's social totem pole, any girl who allowed herself to be seen with me would have been subject to embarrassing ridicule.  That is how radioactive I had been.  So imagine the temptation the inviting smiles of Linda and Janie presented for me.

Linda was my favorite.  She was just one year older and definitely interested.  Linda had an infuriating way of sitting down on the couch so close that our bodies touched.  Linda would snuggle up and smile, daring me to act.  My arm yearned to go around her shoulders and my hand lusted to touch her bare leg.  I was well aware the door between my room and Linda's remained unlocked at night.  Imagine the temptation this situation presented.  I believed the open door was a clear non-verbal signal.  So what should I do?  Linda was ten feet away with an unlocked door.  All I had to do was open the door and see what developed.  Given the way Linda smiled at me in daylight, I expected to be received with open arms in moonlight.  There was nothing stopping me but my conscience.

However, I never made a move.  It was one thing for my mother to take the hand of a Greek sailor and lead him out to her car.  That was 'Her choice'.  It was another thing for me to crawl uninvited into bed with a woman who did not speak a word of English.  Yes, Linda had signaled interest, but she not given verbal permission.  There was a big difference.  Now if Linda opened that door and crawled into bed with me, that would have been a different story.  To my regret, that never happened.

In the end, my Code of Honor stopped me.  These two girls were guests in my home, not convenient sex objects provided for target practice.  Considering we did not share a language, the likelihood of misunderstanding was virtually guaranteed.  What was I supposed to say when our fling was over?  What was I supposed to do if Linda got pregnant?  I hated passing up the opportunity, but it was the right thing to do.  Coming from two different worlds with little in common, there was no future here. 

If I knew what Linda thought about casual sex, that would have helped considerably.  Unfortunately, as it stood, my inability to speak Spanish made me decide to err on the side of caution.  I was sick with disappointment.  Seeing Linda quickly acquire a boyfriend magnified my pain at passing on this golden opportunity.  In the immortal words of Mae West, “He who hesitates is a damned fool.”  

 
 
It was one thing to be defiant in Dr. Hilton's office, but I recall falling apart after I left his office.  I had never felt more defeated in my life.  Vanessa had set the tone in November and now I had just spent the past three months in fruitless pursuit of 50 women.  During the Epic Losing Streak, I had nothing to show for this intense period of my life but disdain, disinterest, and even some downright cruelty at the hands of Christine and Debbie.  It was left to Dr. Hilton to hand me the staggering evidence that I really was the biggest loser of all time.  But to his credit, Dr. Hilton opened the door to my comeback.  This incident with Debbie very well could have been 'The Point of No Return'.  By showing me what I had been doing wrong, a glimmer of hope had been restored.  Yes, it was too late to try again here at Colorado State, but I vowed to do better when I returned to Houston. 

 

 
 


Rick Archer's Note:

"Jason knows how much I love Carl Jung, so he found an article in a Psychology magazine he wanted me to read.  It came complete with a story about a fascinating coincidence."

"What did the article say?"

"It covered Synchronicity and Coincidences, pretty much the same things you and I have talked about from time to time."

"Did it cover any new ground?"

"It clarified some things.  The article defined 'Synchronicity' as a 'meaningful coincidence'.  At first glance two events have nothing in common.  However, after further developments, now the two events seem to be strongly related.  For example, last week I told you about my curious idea to look for a summer job as a camp counselor.  I dismissed the idea as nonsense, but then out of nowhere a job as a camp counselor fell into my lap.  Once I paired the two events together, I had a meaningful coincidence. 

The article explained that Dr. Jung was subjected to considerable criticism throughout his career for espousing his radical concept that 'Coincidences' may have a far deeper meaning.  Jung used the concept of Synchronicity to justify his theory that a coincidence might be considered a paranormal event.  A highly successful therapist, Dr. Jung felt he possessed the gravitas to endure the scorn sent his way.  Keep in mind that Dr. Jung enjoyed considerable popularity with those who agreed with his theories on the supernatural.  However, at the same time, no doubt Jung tired of the ridicule he was forced to endure from those who dismissed his theories as crackpot pseudoscience. 

Jung went pretty far out on a limb.  His suggestion that 'Coincidence' might be evidence of natural laws such as ESP and precognition were deeply unsettling to many people.  Personally, I am glad he said what he said because Dr. Jung is the reason I decided to give coincidences a closer look.  Since modern miracles are few and far between, in my search for evidence of God's existence, I settled on coincidences and improbable events as a way to bolster my confidence in the existence of a Hidden World." 

"So what was the coincidence in the article?"

"The article wanted to demonstrate what Carl Jung was talking about, so the author interviewed two men about an unusual event they shared.  The first man was George Feifer, a man whose novel The Girl From Petrovka had been made into a movie.  Feifer said in September 1971 he had foolishly lent his personal copy of his novel to a friend who promptly lost it.  Feifer had been reluctant to share this copy for several reasons.

To begin with, his copy contained much-needed corrections.  Apparently Feifer's book had first been published in England.  However, the upcoming American version contained major errors.  There were so many mistakes, his New York editor told Feifer to proofread the English version and translate it into 'American'.  For example, Feifer underlined necessary changes such as turning 'labour' into 'labor', 'centre' into 'center'. 

This was painstaking work since some pages had up four to five corrections.  During the process, Feifer developed a sentimental as well as practical attachment to this copy.  He would write personal comments in the margins that could help him with his next book. Therefore Feifer was very upset when his friend reported the book had gone missing from his car in Bayswater near the center of London.  When frantic searches failed, the book was irretrievably gone.  Feifer said it upset him because he was a superstitious sort and this seemed like a bad omen.  Perhaps his book was jinxed.

The article next interviewed an actor named Anthony Hopkins.  In 1971, Hopkins had agreed to appear as third lead in the movie version of The Girl From Petrovka.  The plot revolved around a love affair between spies in Soviet Russia.  This role was a huge break for Hopkins, so naturally he wanted to give his best effort.  However, since he knew little what the story was about, Hopkins decided to get a copy of the book and study how to approach his role in advance of the filming.

Living in the English countryside, Hopkins made a special train trip into London for the sole purpose of obtaining a copy of the best-selling book.  However, despite a determined search of the city with its limitless number of bookstores, Hopkins came up empty.  Hopkins was shocked at his inability to find a copy of the Petrovka book. 

Hopkins headed back to the train station feeling deeply frustrated.  After all, what were the odds that this popular book was unattainable in a city the size of London?  Hopkins had just entered the station at Leicester Square to board the train home when he noticed an abandoned book laying on a bench.  Imagine Hopkins' surprise when the book turned out to be a well-worn copy of The Girl From Petrovka.  This was a strange coincidence indeed, but it was about to get stranger.

Now Feifer continued his side of the story.  Two years had passed since he lost his book.  In 1973, Feifer travelled to Vienna to write an article about the novel's filming.  On the set, Feifer was strongly drawn to Anthony Hopkins.  As the two men struck up a conversation, Hopkins told Feifer about a puzzling incident when he had found a copy of the Petrovka book on a bench in a train station, the unlikeliest of places.

At that point, Feifer began to complain how his original copy had been stolen and how the loss of that book still irritated him.  Feifer said, "I can't replace that book.  That copy had all of my original annotations!"

At that comment, Hopkins raised an eyebrow because the copy he had found in London had contained detailed notes in the margins, notes that Hopkins had found useful.   Hopkins said, "Can you wait here for a minute?"

Hopkins went to his trailer to fetch his copy, then brought it back and showed it to Feifer.  "Might this copy," Hopkins asked, "have some personal meaning for you?"

Feifer gasped.  This was indeed the missing personal copy of the book.  Anthony Hopkins was not only the person who found George Feifer's missing book in the absolute middle of nowhere, he became the person to return it to its owner.  This wasn't just one coincidence, it was two coincidences of the highest degree."

 
 


SUBCHAPTER 140 - LESSON LEARNED
 

At this point, Dr. Hilton spoke up. 

"Do not despair, Rick.  You had it pretty rough, but it is never too late to have a happy childhood.  Just remember the second one is up to you and no one else.  Let's get those issues of yours solved and then you can write your own happy ending."

"I don't know about that, Dr. Hilton.  Dr. Fujimoto robbed me of a lot of my hope that things will turn around anytime soon."

"We can talk about that in a moment, but first I have a question.   After your Jones Scholarship disappointment, you were reeling out of control.  Why didn't you go speak to Mr. Curran?  I bet he could have set you straight."

"I told you about that once before.  Mr. Curran knew about Little Mexico, my father's $400 insult, and my mother's cold shoulder.  However that insane cheating episode on the German test was different.  I was so ashamed of myself, I did not dare go near Mr. Curran.  Now that I had found in Mr. Curran at least a semblance of the father I never had, the thought of disappointing him was more than my pride could bear.  That's why I never asked Mr. Curran why Mr. Salls, a man I thought liked me, had turned his back on me."
 

"That's right, I forgot.  Lucky for you Mrs. Ballantyne came to visit when she did."   

I nodded in agreement.  "You know, as you and I have talked over these past few weeks, I have noticed a pattern.  It seems like every time I was about to fall to pieces, someone stepped up to take care of me.  In a way, it is kind of weird."

"How so?"

"I feel like every time I was ready to flip out, a benefactor would appear at the exact time to rescue me from my latest crisis."

"I think I see what you are getting at, but why don't you spell it out for me?"

"When I was falling apart prior to my parents' divorce, Dr. Mendel suggested sending me to St. John's.  Where would I have been without St. John's?  Three years later, Mr. Powell helped me survive the 6th Grade when my mother was scaring me to death with her suicide attempt and Blue Christmas.  By giving me a writing goal to concentrate on, I managed to pull through.  As for my mother, she was lucky too when Uncle Dick and Aunt Lynn came to her rescue.  Then they turned around and bailed me out too.  When my father refused to extend my time at St. John's, they paid my way for the next two years. 

About this time, Mr. Chidsey was kind enough to offer not one, but two scholarships.  In the 9th Grade, Mr. Curran helped me cope with the acne crisis.  In the 10th Grade, Mr. Ocker gave me the job that brought me out of my acne-induced shell.  In the 12th Grade, Mr. Curran repeatedly reached out to help a deeply troubled boy.  When Mrs. Ballantyne encountered me in my near-suicidal kid, on the spot she too decided to help.  Mrs. Ballantyne refused to leave until she had totally restored my lost confidence.  And of course the entire time Mr. Salls was secretly keeping his eye on me.  Not only that, he arranged my college scholarship without even being asked."

"You make your point well.  Despite operating without a safety net due to the neglect of your parents, it does seem remarkable that at the worst times, someone always appeared to help you out.  I get the impression that someone was always watching out for you."
 

I raised an eyebrow.  "Do you mean that in a realistic sense or mystic sense?"

Dr. Hilton smiled.  "I was trained as a scientist, so I have a strong skeptical streak.  But I also like Carl Jung, the man who suggested certain things happen for a reason.  In your case, I see where important people appeared at the right time with uncanny precision.  Your bizarre Twilight Zone episode with Mrs. Ballantyne is the most outstanding example, but as your stories make clear, there was always someone there to pick you up just as you were about to fall.  For that matter, even your dog Terry watched out for you."
 

At the thought of Terry, I quickly agreed.  In some ways, Terry had been the most important friend of all.  He was my constant guardian, my true companion. 

"You know, Mrs. Ballantyne said something to me during our parking lot conversation.  Out of nowhere, she shared that a Galveston mob boss had paid her way through college.  I still remember her exact words.  "Can you believe that?  A simple act of kindness from a stranger, a gangster no less.  This was the biggest break of my life." 

How was Mrs. Ballantyne's lucky break any different than mine?  Mr. O'Connor made sure a young man he had never met in his life would have a chance at a college education.  The kindness of these two men had a profound effect on both our lives. 

What I find fascinating is that after Mrs. Ballantyne's mob boss taught her the value of kindness, she was given the chance to put that lesson to good use on the day she met me.  The gift of her time, her caring and her wisdom came at the perfect moment.  Only a miracle could have saved me and that is exactly what happened."

"If that is the memory you best remember, then I would say you received the perfect finishing touch to your St. John's education.  May I ask how you intend to use that lesson?"

"I will never forget how Mrs. Ballantyne's empathy helped me overcome a terrible crisis.  Someday I want to return the favor.  I hope someday I will come across a kid who clearly needs a lift.  Perhaps I will know the child well or maybe just barely.  And when I get my chance, I hope a few kind words of my own will have the same healing effect that Mrs. Ballantyne's conversation once had on me. 

I will do this because Mrs. Ballantyne taught me the power of a simple act of kindness."
 
I developed a strong suspicion that I was 'Fated' to be caught cheating.  I base this conclusion on the fact that it took an extraordinary circumstance for me to be caught cheating.  The utter improbability of the boy's appearance at the perfect time to catch me in the act is undeniable.  However, what is less obvious were the circumstances that led me to cheat in the first place.  I contend it was my 'Blind Spot' regarding Mr. Salls that led to my cheating mistake in the first place.  If at any time during my Senior year Mr. Salls had indicated I might be in line for a scholarship, I doubt seriously I would have made a fool of myself by cheating on that test.  Instead, Mr. Salls' penchant for secrecy led to an insane pressure that caused me to snap.

I do not believe I am the only person who has ever done something inexplicably stupid.  At some point in our lives, we all seem to make at least one incomprehensible mistake, then spend the rest of our lives trying to figure why we made that choice in the first place.

There is a very strange saying in our culture... 'The Devil made me do it.'  Many people use this explanation to somehow make sense out of a horrible mistake.  I do not like this expression because it sounds like a way to evade taking responsibility for one's misdeed.  On the other hand, look at it this way.  'Blaming the Devil' speaks to the helplessness people feel when confronted by an action that in hindsight feels totally senseless. 

What happens if we substitute the word 'Fate' for 'The Devil'?   Instead of saying 'The Devil made me do it', what if we say 'My Fate made me do it'?  I contend that would change our view of Reality in a very dramatic way.  In my case, I am not trying to evade responsibility for cheating by blaming it on 'Fate'.  Trust me, I paid dearly for my mistake.  My perilous spiral towards the Abyss was the direct consequence of my cheating mistake.  Instead, what I am driving at is a whole new way of looking at mysterious situations that alter the direction of our lives.  Maybe at some point in everyone's life, we are destined to needlessly sail our personal Titanic straight into an iceberg and suffer the consequences.  Why would we behave senselessly?  Because our Fate renders us 'Cosmically Stupid'.

For the sake of argument, let's pretend that Fate really does exist.  If there is a purpose to Life... and we all hope there is... then that purpose is probably for each individual to learn from one's experiences.  How does one learn without making mistakes?  A favorite theme of Greek Mythology is the deadly character flaw which causes a hero's fall from grace.  If Life is for learning, then what did I learn during my personal fall from grace?  For one thing, I was so shaken by the eerie nature in which I was caught, I decided I would never cheat again.  In addition, I learned not to jump to conclusions.  Thanks to my Blind Spot, I was certain that Mr. Salls had given the Jones Scholarship to Katina because I had cheated.  It was this incorrect conclusion that created my perilous descent to the Abyss. 

 
 
 

The combination of getting caught cheating and the pressure I was under regarding the Jones Scholarship had turned me into a nervous wreck.  Following the German test cheating incident, I was consumed with guilt.  Not only did I hate myself for this unforgiveable mistake, my worries about paying for college were eating me alive.  Unfortunately I had absolutely no one to talk to about my fears. 

Ordinarily I would speak to Mr. Curran, a teacher who often served as a confidante.  However, I couldn't talk to Mr. Curran because I would be forced to admit I had cheated on the test.  I couldn't talk to Mr. Salls lest the subject of my cheating arise.  The combination of father's $400 rejection and this cheating incident, I was caught in an ever-worsening tailspin.  However, if I could just win the Jones Scholarship, I believed I could crawl to the Finish Line and take my chances at Georgetown."

Dr. Hilton nodded.  "That makes sense.  However, before you begin, I have a question.  Why so many second chances?  By my count, the men at St. John's looked the other way on at least three occasions including the restroom infraction, the gym clothes incident, and the cheating incident.  Why do you suppose they were so lenient?"

"Looking back, I believe Mr. Salls and Coach Lee knew more about my problems than they let on.  I was so lost and self-absorbed, it never occurred to me that people like Mr. Salls and Mr. Lee had been observing me with concern for some time.  I always thought I was invisible, but not to these men.  They made it their job to keep an eye on everyone.

Mr. Curran and Mr. Weems were two men who knew about my problems with my parents and Little Mexico.  Both men periodically invited me to their home for long talks.  I had blurted out some of my problems to Mr. MacKeith as well.  I believe at least one of these three men passed on my story to Mr. Salls as a head's up.  "Keep an eye on that Archer kid, he's really having a hard time of it at home."

At the same time, I am sure Mr. Murphy kept Mr. Salls informed of my frequent visits to Penalty Hall as well as my continued defiance of his authority.  I am sure Mr. Salls was exasperated with my discipline problems and who could blame him? 

Please keep in mind this is just conjecture on my part, but I think Mr. Salls thought long and hard about me.  Although I never had a single heart to heart talk with the man in my life, I often saw him studying in class.  Please forgive me if I am wrong, but he and I had what I would call an unspoken connection.  For one thing, I know I impressed him during our three years together in German class.  If nothing else, he knew how hard I worked.  If my instincts are correct, I sincerely believe Mr. Salls took a special interest in me.  I suppose he decided that deep down I was a good kid despite my rebellious exterior.  So to answer your question, my guess is Mr. Salls chose to gamble on me.  If Mr. Salls could get me through this rough patch of my life intact, I had a fighting chance to straighten things out in college.  On the other hand, if he threw the book at me as was his right, I very well could have gone down with the ship.  That's how close I was to the edge."

"Do you believe Mr. Salls did the right thing by looking the other way?"

"You know, that's a tough question, Dr. Hilton.  I have already given that some thought.  My life has been dominated by the decisions of two men.  One man, Mr. Salls, took the soft approach.  The other man, Dr. Fujimoto, took the hard line.  Yes, I think Mr. Salls did the right thing.  Things were so tough for me in my Senior year that I did not have the resources to cope with much more disappointment.  I had been stripped of my entire support system, so one more major blow and who knows.  In a sense, Mr. Salls decided to kick the can down the road.  Unfortunately, once I made it to Colorado State, my problems from high school finally caught up with me just as Mr. Murphy predicted.  But you want to know something funny?"

"Sure, what's that?"

"If I had to fall apart somewhere, I could not have chosen a better place than this."

Dr. Hilton smiled.  "Now that is a very interesting thing to say.  I happen to agree with you, Rick.  You have shown me that you have all the talent in the world.  You have a lot of rough edges, but you also have a big heart.  I can see that in you.  A good heart is so much more important than a wall full of degrees.  You are smart, your heart is in the right place and you have determination.  You say that Mr. Murphy predicted your downfall and that came true.  Maybe so, but I have a prediction of my own.  I predict one of these days you are going to put it all together and accomplish something special.  Now please tell me about your Abyss."

 
 

If the God Apollo can guide a poisoned arrow to the heel of Achilles, why can't some unseen being do the same thing to my face?  If the Goddess Athena can whisper to Odysseus the idea to build a Trojan Horse, then why can't some Hidden Being whisper to my mother not to worry about my acne attack? 

If it is my Fate to become permanently disfigured, then there has to be a mechanism by which my Fate is delivered.  I do not claim to know what this mechanism is, but after a while the existence of Unseen Beings administering Karmic consequences no longer seems quite so far-fetched. 

Thetis, mother of Achilles, made the fatal error of leaving her son's ankle unprotected.  Was Thetis a victim of Cosmic Stupidity?  Perhaps my mother's common sense was blinded in a similar way.  My mother assumed that my swelling was surely temporary, so why not wait a day or two... or three... or four? 

That delay was enough to doom me to be permanently scarred for the rest of my life.  Sad to say, my Destiny would pivot in a very dark direction due to this event.  Given the perspective of a lifetime of experience, I have no doubt the freakish Acne Attack was an act of Fate.  I give it a rating of 5 Stars on the Mysticism Scale.

 
As I trudged home in the snow, I was grim and bitter.  I sat in the dark brooding for hours on end.  Despite the gloom, I definitely felt better knowing the full picture.  It was a relief to discover I wasn't losing my mind after all.  If anything, I punished myself for doubting myself so much.  What I should have done was gotten to the bottom of this while Vanessa was still in town instead of cowering from her.  I was furious that Vanessa had treated me so coldly.  Vanessa knew right from wrong.  What had I done to deserve such blatant treachery?  I had always lived by the code that I am my brother's keeper.  If I saw a hurt animal or a human being in trouble, I would try to help them.  Nor would I intentionally do something to put another person at risk.  Apparently Vanessa felt no need to follow these basic rules of decency.  

 
 

Has the Reader begun to notice the Supernatural events and situations are starting to mount?  As a way of keeping score, we have only reached the 25% point on my List.  There are many more to follow.  Some are merely curious while others are unbelievable.  Although it is hard to believe in coincidence as proof of a hidden side of existence, I predict as the total rises, it will be very difficult to believe in anything else.
 

 

  


SUBCHAPTER 108 - MR. mURPHY'S PROPHECY
 

"Now that you had your cherished scholarship to college, how did the rest of your school year turn out?"

"I wish I could report a triumphant final two months of school, but I fell to pieces instead.  I stumbled so badly that I barely crawled across the Finish Line.  Now that I had my ticket out of St. John's, I grew more surly than ever before with Mr. Murphy.   It seemed like I argued with Mr. Murphy every other day about my hair.  He would tell me to get my hair cut, I would promise to get it cut, and then I would ignore him completely.  It had actually become more amusing to aggravate the guy than to simply do as he asked.

Naturally Mr. Murphy grew impatient with my continued defiance.  He sent me to Penalty Hall two Saturdays in a row, but the hair still did not get cut.  The big showdown came in early May.

"Mr. Archer, I have repeatedly requested that you get a hair cut.  Each time you have promised to do so and each time you failed to keep your word.  For the past two Saturdays, I have sentenced you to Penalty Hall, but you have failed to heed my warnings.  So now you are down to your last strike.  I will give you to the end of the week to cut your hair.  If I see you with long hair the following week, I will suspend you."

One week later, Mr. Murphy caught up to me again.  He was shocked to see my hair was still the same length.

"Mr. Archer, did you not listen to a word I said?  I asked you to cut your hair.  What is your excuse this time?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Murphy, I did have my hair trimmed as you requested.  However, I guess I did not have it trimmed to your satisfaction.  I promise to cut it again this week."

"Do you not recall I threatened you with suspension last week?"

"Yes, sir, I do recall that and, as you requested, I did have my hair trimmed.  I apologize if the change is not apparent."

Mr. Murphy stared at me for the longest time.  For one thing, I wasn't arguing with him, I was apologizing.  That in itself was quite a switch.  Furthermore, my hair was so long, who could tell whether I was fibbing or not.  For the record, of course I was fibbing.  Finally he took a deep breath to calm down.

"All right, Mr. Archer, I will give you one more chance. Defy me again and you will be suspended.  Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir.  I promise to cut my hair."

Believe it or not, I actually did get my hair cut.  Not much, but enough that the difference was notable.  What Mr. Murphy did not know is that I could not care less if he suspended me.  There were two weeks left in the school year.  Why should I care if he sent me home for a couple days?

One week later, there he was waiting for me outside of History class. 

"Mr. Archer, I would like a word with you."

Oh, great.  Not this again.  I stopped and let Mr. Murphy conduct his inspection.  He even made me turn around so he could inspect the back.  What a jerk.  Mr. Murphy frowned mightily the entire time. 

"Young man, I see a token difference, but the length of your hair is still not acceptable."

I hated it when he called me 'young man'.  It felt like such a put-down.  At that point, I lost my temper.
 

"I'm sorry my haircut is not to your satisfaction, but I did what you asked and got a haircut.  I made sure to get a receipt.  Would you care to see it?  I just can't seem to make you happy.  Would you like me to get another haircut or you would rather just suspend me instead?"

A look of hate flashed in Mr. Murphy's eyes.  I think he understood that the short time remaining was the explanation for my latest show of defiance.

"Mr. Archer, your continued insolence is disgraceful.  You think disobeying me is amusing, but I have something to tell you.

You have brought dishonor to this school.  Your continued disregard for the rules is unforgivable.  Let me add your ongoing impertinence towards me has demonstrated a total lack of respect for my authority.  If I had my way, you would have had your scholarship revoked long ago.  You don't deserve it.  In my opinion, you do not belong here at this school.  Your lack of discipline makes it clear that you do not respect the gift that has been given.

For your sake, I regret that you never learned your lesson.  You will leave here thinking you are too superior to follow the rules, but I have news for you.  Someday you will learn the hard way that you aren't nearly as smart as you think you are.  You will argue with the wrong person and it will cost you more dearly than you can ever imagine.  At that time, you will remember what I said today."
 

And with that, Mr. Murphy wheeled around and marched off."

Dr. Hilton sat up in his seat.  "Are you serious?  Did he really say that?"

"Yes, Dr. Hilton, that is exactly what he said."

"At the risk of upsetting you, did you think of him when you first realized Dr. Fujimoto had failed you in his class?"

I smiled ruefully.  "Yes, Dr. Hilton, that is exactly who I thought of.  I could not believe this jerk's prophecy had come to pass almost exactly as he predicted.  It was almost kind of spooky."

Dr. Hilton grinned.  "I apologize for smiling, but for crying out loud, Rick, you say some of the damndest things I have ever heard.  I still can't believe Mr. Murphy said that.  He really had you pegged, didn't he?"

"I am afraid he did.  Mr. Murphy was dead serious.  Those were the harshest words he had ever spoken.  Due to my defiant attitude, I usually responded with my fair share of sarcastic comments, but not this time.  I was so rattled by the depth of his anger and his sense of doom that I decided this might not be the best time to mess with him further.  With the end at hand, Mr. Murphy had obviously decided to dispense with being polite.  Our short time left together might explain why he decided to lay some serious candor on me.

I understood that Mr. Murphy lived and breathed the school rules.  However I refused to accept that my scholarship hinged upon things like regular haircuts, punctuality to class, not running in the hall, avoiding using a faculty restroom and better attention to the dress code.   It wasn't like I showed blatant disregard for the rules, but there was definitely a part of me that questioned the importance of certain things like hair length."

Dr. Hilton smiled.  "Your mouth has a death wish, doesn't it?  I know you have a curiosity about the supernatural.  Do you think Mr. Murphy had a blinding vision of your future?"

I snorted scornfully.  "You're teasing me, right?  It doesn't take a Nostradamus to see my smart mouth and rebellious attitude would get me into a lot of trouble someday."

"So how do you feel about Mr. Murphy given what you know now?"

"Oh, wow, Dr. Hilton, you are on a roll today.  How do I feel?  Hmm.  I hate to give the guy any credit, but he obviously knew what he was talking about.  Mr. Murphy could see that with the chip I had on my shoulder and my defiance that sooner or later I was going to run into a disciplinarian who would cut me down. 

It was my good fortune that the SJS administrators used a soft approach given my bristling, moody nature.  Otherwise my problem-filled time at St. John's would have been far more difficult than it already was.  Had they used the lash rather than mercy, given my desperation, maybe I would have gone over the deep end.  Lord knows I came close enough as it was.

Unfortunately, as you and I have discussed, their mercy came at a price.  Mr. Murphy understood that my bad attitude towards authority was a ticking time bomb.  My rocky childhood had left me badly damaged.  My lack of self-confidence, my bitterness, my sarcasm and lack of social skills around boys and girls my age were weaknesses that would haunt me again in years to come."

"I would agree with that.  Mr. Murphy could see your thin skin and defiance set you up for a train wreck sooner or later."

"So now I have question.  What do you think about St. John's in relationship to me?"

Dr. Hilton grinned.  "This is therapy, Rick.  Didn't Dr. Fujimoto teach you anything?  I'm not allowed to give my opinion.  Are you trying to get me fired?"

"Oh my gosh, listen to you, Dr. Hilton.  C'mon, I want to know what you think."

"The first thing you ever said to me about St. John's was that it was both a curse and a blessing.  Everything you have told me bears that initial assessment out.  Forget the education angle for a moment.  Given the utter mediocrity of your parents, I think St. John's may have the luckiest break you ever got.  I think the teachers at that school gave you the guidance and support necessary to prevent you from getting into far more serious trouble.  You had all sorts of terrible breaks, but you also had instructors at St. John's who went way out of their way to keep you headed in the right direction.  If it wasn't for St. John's, I don't know how you would have ever made it out of childhood in one piece.  Considering how miserable your childhood was, your nine years at St. John's was the only thing that kept you glued together.

On the other hand, you paid a terrible price.  There can be no denying the cruelty you were exposed to during your teenage years.  When you say you were made to feel you did not belong at your school, I do not think that was your imagination.  People have ways to get their message across.  Several times you have said you were forced to raise yourself, but that you turned out twisted.  That is an accurate self-assessment.  The St. John's experience turned you into a broken kid.  The Acne story and the Abyss story in particular make it clear that your social development was delayed years behind that of your peers.  You have not yet told me about your college years, but I imagine you paid a heavy price for your St. John's problems.

The way I see it, your St. John's years gave you the education necessary to accomplish some impressive things someday.  But first you will have to overcome the crippling character flaws you developed at your school.  For example, you have every right to blame your poor performance in Dr. Fujimoto's class on the difficulties you encountered at St. John's.  You have made great progress in the time we have been together, but I fear you are still facing a very difficult uphill climb.  You have some pretty serious inner demons to overcome, but you also have great determination.  I will be interested to see who wins.

Okay, enough for today.  I will see you in here next week."
 


SUBCHAPTER 109 - ACADEMIC GLADIATORS
 
"Hello, Rick, how are you doing today?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Last week you said you fell to pieces at the end of your Senior year.  I would like for you to finish the story."

"My Senior year was one long horror story.  My life was so chaotic that I spent virtually every single moment filled with anxiety, anger and frustration.  So when my Hopkins scholarship came through, I found myself completely adrift.  With the pressure off, I discovered I had no remaining will power.  I suppose I had an attack of 'Senioritis'.

The fatigue from all that stress caught up with me in a major way.  In the final two months, I could not seem to force myself to study unless it was an area I was interested in.   In particular, my apathy affected me the most in Calculus.  I was so disgusted with Mr. Flansburg that I stopped studying Calculus in the final two months. 

I could not seem to force myself to do the work.  Nor did I pay attention in class.  I completely tuned Flansburg out.  I was there, but I wasn't there.  To deal with my boredom, I spent my time daydreaming about girls, basketball and college.  

 

I have little doubt Flansburg took careful note of my lack of attention.  Rather than chew me out as I deserved or throw an eraser at me like Mr. Salls, he had another idea.  Flansburg disliked me so much he gave me a "65" for my final grade, the SJS equivalent of a "D". 

I was furious.  What an insult!  Not once in nine years had I made a single grade below 80.  In addition, I had done well enough in his class back when it mattered.  Despite all my problems with studying thanks to the Jehovah's Witness organ music and the Little Mexico situation, I had made an '80' in Calculus for the first quarter, an '80' in the second quarter, plus an '80' in the third quarter. 

Now I was stuck with a '65' for the year's final grade and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.   I wasn't expecting this grade at all.  A '75' was warranted, but not this black mark.  Yes, I goofed off in the fourth quarter, but not to the extent indicated by my final grade.  I concluded Mr. Flansburg chose to drop me to a near failing grade out of spite.   

There were two kinds of grades.  There was one grade for each of the first three quarters and then there was a final grade which was cumulative for the entire year.  Let's see here.  65 = 80 + 80 + 80 + X divided by 4.  X + 20.  Mr. Flansburg had given me a "20" for my fourth quarter performance and final exam performance.  Trust me, I wasn't that bad. 

Clearly, this grade of 65 was meant as a rebuke.  Mr. Flansburg had sent me a message.  Well, I got the message loud and clear.  My Calculus misstep had been caused by the worst case of burnout imaginable.  I just never expected the man to be so vindictive.  I think Mr. Flansburg was just as irritated by my bad attitude as Mr. Murphy.

Since the grade was meaningless, I was surprised at how much I resented his insult.  Mr. Flansburg had wounded my academic pride.  It didn't affect my college plans, but it probably changed my class ranking.  Without it, I would have graduated with High Honors instead of Honors.  The 65 grade rankled me for days, make that weeks, make that years.  This was Flansburg's way of telling me what he thought of me so I would remember him.  I am sure he would be pleased to know it worked.  Six years have passed and I can report this insult still irritates me to this very day."

Dr. Hilton said, "I find it interesting to see how much you obsess over your class ranking.  You took a lot of pride in your grades, yes?"

"No kidding.  I wrapped all my self-esteem around my grades.  However, I wasn't alone.  We were taught to be academic gladiators.  Due to my sheltered existence at St. John's, there were many things I was totally unaware of.  Case in point, I had no idea how brilliant my classmates were until a curious incident that took place about this same time.  A major reason for the school's exemplary academic record was its skillful use of head-to-head competition.  St. John's students quickly learned to compete or be weeded out.  One day I ran into Henry, a former classmate.  His mother taught at St. John's and he had been a lunch-time buddy of mine for several years until he flunked out. 

Sad to say, due to his poor grades, Henry always had a low self-esteem.  He once told me he thought he was stupid.  Due to his lack of confidence, one can see why Henry choose to sit at the same lunch table as me.  He knew I would be the last person to ever pick on him.  Although I liked Henry a lot, I secretly agreed that he was less intelligent than his classmates.  I would never say that to his face, of course, but I did have a low opinion.  For several years I had observed how badly Henry struggled in class.  Try as he might, Henry just could not seem to do anything right.

One day at lunch during the 9th Grade, Henry confided that he was the lowest performing student in our class.  Consequently Mr. Chidsey had quietly suggested to his Henry's mother that she send him to Lamar High School next year.  Maybe he would do better in public school.  Sure enough, when school started in the Fall, Henry was missing.  Considering how few friends I had, I was very sorry to see Henry leave. 

Three years had passed.  One day in May of my Senior year, Henry stopped by St. John's to get a ride home from his mother.  That is when I ran into him.  During our conversation, Henry told me he had made straight A's at Lamar High School for the past three years.
 

That revelation took me by surprise.  How was it possible for Henry to perform so well?  Did I underestimate him?  It is embarrassing to admit this, but Henry had just shown me what an ignorant fool I was.  Without any way to compare my classmates to students from public schools, it had never dawned on me just how bright my classmates were.   The worst student at St. John's leaves and becomes the best student at Lamar. 

In a flash, I developed a new appreciation for the intelligence of my classmates.  My classmates were the best and brightest Houston had to offer, but I had never quite grasped the extent until Henry's revelation. If Henry was among the smartest kids at Lamar, then every one of my classmates must be brilliant in his or her own way.  Why had I not seen this before?

In a sense, we had been trained as scholastic warriors.  We were all sparring partners.  Using our minds and our willpower, we fought on a daily basis to be the best and to improve our academic standing.  The tough competition brought out the best in us.

Although this 'D' I had received in Calculus infuriated me, it served to reveal the burning desire to strive for excellence that St. John's had instilled within me.  Katina and I were members of an elite group of Academic Gladiators.  Like fighting ability in ancient Sparta, academic performance was worshipped at St. John's.  We were the best and the brightest.  I had received the finest training imaginable and I would never forget this."
 


SUBCHAPTER 110 - CLOSE CALL
 

"I nearly got killed on the final day of my SJS career.  I had just finished taking my 'final' final exam and now I was headed home in my VW Beetle around 11 am.  Due to an avalanche of memories and mixed emotions, I was deeply preoccupied.

It was raining hard.  In the heavy mist and rain, I failed to notice the distant car in my lane up ahead was not moving.  Unbeknownst to me, the car was parked illegally in front of a church.  Since Westheimer was a busy four-lane artery, it never dawned on me someone might be stupid enough to park a car there.  I never gave that car a second thought.
 

Lost in my daydreams, it was not until the last second that I realized my mistake.  If I acted fast, I had just enough time to switch lanes.  Ignoring my brakes, I turned the steering wheel sharply to the left. 

To my dismay, my car with its worn tires lost control on the wet surface of the street.  Now the back end of my car began to fish-tail.  The tremendous force whipped my car around a crazy 360 degrees before it came to a stop.  

Amazingly, the back end of my car did not hit the parked car during the spin.  It must have missed by inches.  However, I was not out of danger.  For one thing, I knew another car was right behind me.  As my car whipped around, the powerful force of the 360° turn caused the door to open.

Just as the car came to a halt my left car door suddenly popped open.  Since I was not wearing my seat beat, the violent spinning movement threw the upper part of my body awkwardly onto the wet pavement below.  Falling in slow motion, I was able to break my fall with my hands. 

However, when I tried to wiggle free of the car, to my dismay, my legs were caught between the seat and the steering wheel.  Frantically squirming any way I could, I could not seem to extricate my legs.  As my upper body dangled outside the car, my feet and legs remained inside the car. 

My face was literally resting against the city street.  Looking to my right, a car coming straight at me missed hitting me by inches.  That was bad enough, but what about the car that had been behind me?

I was panic-stricken.  During that crazy 360° spin, I had noticed the car coming up from behind.  Would it be able to stop in time on this slick pavement?  Because I was blind in my left eye, I could not see what was going to happen.  No matter how much I struggled, I was unable to move.  

 

With my legs all tangled up in the car, I was trapped.  My blindness intensified my terror.  I was certain the car behind me would smash my car at any second and hurt me terribly.  The terror increased when I heard that car's brakes squealing.  Unable to see or move, all I could do was listen in horror as my fate unfolded behind me.  Was that car about to hit my car?  Or worse, was that car about to run me over? 

I was scared for my life.  I figured I was about to be crushed or decapitated.  I frantically worked my legs, but I think in my panic the struggle made things worse.  Then to my immense relief, I heard the sound of the oncoming car disappear. 

But I still wasn't out of trouble.  What about the oncoming traffic from the other direction?   Looking back to my right, I was very relieved to see they posed no threat.  The cars coming from the opposite direction were slowing down to have a look at me.  One man called out to ask if I was okay as his car passed me.  From the ground, I replied that I was stuck, but I wasn't hurt. 

There is an interesting device known as the Chinese finger trap.  The more one struggles, the harder it is to free the fingers.  My legs had refused to respond to my struggle during the emergency.  However, now that I took my sweet time, I was able to extricate my awkwardly tangled legs by working one leg at a time.  I got up and looked at the car behind me.  It had come to a stop a mere two feet away from the back of my car. 

The driver was still in his car when I waved to him that I was okay.  I thanked him profusely for watching out for me.  The man smiled and spoke to me through his open car window.   He could hardly believe what he had witnessed.  He said I was really lucky.  It was very fortunate that he had been watching carefully in the rain or he probably would not have been able to stop in time.  Some instinct told him to slow down which is a good thing.  Otherwise the wet surface would have caused a problem. 

I nodded in agreement and thanked him again.

I was soaking wet from the rain and laying on the wet street.  Plus I had no business standing here in the middle of Westheimer Street.  After a quick inspection, I realized there was no damage to my car or the parked car.  How I had avoided hitting that parked car was beyond me.  My car had surely missed hitting it by mere inches during my circular tailspin.  However, since there wasn't any damage, I decided I was free to go.  Thanks to the dramatic 360° fishtail, my car was more or less already headed in the right direction.  So I gingerly got back in my car and took off.  Soaking wet and scared out of my wits, I shook like a leaf the entire way home.

This had been a brush with death."
 


SUBCHAPTER 111 - GRADUATION DAY
 

"Graduation Day at SJS was painful to say the least.  Graduation should have been a moment of triumph, but it was an empty moment to be sure.

The Graduation ceremony took place during a balmy evening in late May 1968.  The crowd sat in temporary chairs placed in the middle of the Quadrangle facing an elevated podium.  

Attendance was mandatory for Upper School students, but I had skipped it the past two years.  What were they going to do, put me in Detention Hall?  Tonight was different since I did wish to receive my diploma.

I was handed a program that listed the evening's activities.  The program said I had graduated with Honors.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I was grateful to see my poor Calculus grade had not cost me this distinction.

 

Now I settled into my seat.  There would be a long wait.  I knew the ceremony where the 50 Seniors were handed their diplomas came last.  The long climb was over.  Tonight my nine years of struggle would come to an end.  With the Rock of Sisyphus seemingly secure on the ledge high above, my nine year ordeal was over.   

Graduation Day should have been a proud moment, but it was anything but.  To my regret, this event gave Father of the Year an excuse to show up.  This was the first time I had seen him since the $400 insult three months ago.  The nerve of that man to even show his face... as if he had somehow contributed to my high school career.  I snorted with disgust at the sight of the him.  Thank goodness his witch of a wife did not come along. 

To my surprise, my father sought out my mother and sat down beside her.  I believe this was their first meeting since the divorce.  If I didn't know better, they were happy to see each other.  As I sat in a separate section reserved for the Senior class, I watched them talk about old times as if nothing had happened.  I shook my head in disgust.  They should have been ashamed of themselves.  My bitterness was almost impossible to contain. 

Overwhelmed with contempt, it was nothing short of a miracle that I was graduating tonight.  I lost count of the times I narrowly missed a nervous breakdown thanks to those two clowns.   Neither parent had the slightest idea what I had been through in my Senior year.  They were too oblivious to know or care. 

I scanned the crowd to spot Mrs. Ballantyne, but couldn't see her.  Instead, to my surprise, I saw my nemesis Mr. Murphy glowering directly at me.  Judging by his expression, I had gotten under his skin one too many times.  I fought a giant urge to wave at him and smile, but changed my mind.  That man was staring at me with such fierce disgust that I was unnerved.  His hostility creeped me out. 

 

As the evening began, I noticed how impressive Mr. Salls looked in his crimson Harvard gown.  The first part of the Graduation evening was devoted to handing out achievement awards.  St. John's had instilled the achievement ethic in all of us from the moment we set foot on the campus.  Tonight the school would honor the best and brightest.  The achievement awards were presented for excellence in all sorts of categories... academics, sports, drama, leadership and so on.  I watched as one student after another paraded to the podium to receive a certificate from Mr. Salls. 

I had never received an award.  I was good academically, but certainly not the best.  As for sports and extracurricular activities, no chance of that.  Last time I checked, one must at least participate to be eligible.  However, I sensed I had a strong chance of winning the school's award as the best German student.  As one might gather, due to the cheating incident, I had deeply mixed feelings about this topic. 

Although one part of me yearned for public recognition that I was good at something, I dreaded the thought of facing Mr. Salls tonight.  The cheating episode back in February had led me to believe that Mr. Salls was still displeased with me.  I was certain he knew the truth.  Although he had never said a word about it, I grimly recalled the frown on his face the day he asked me to his office to hand me Ralph O'Connor's phone number.  His terse reception had reinforced my fear that he was indeed angry with me. 

Therefore, when my name was called to come up to the podium and accept the German Award, this moment evoked more dread than it did satisfaction.  This should have been a moment of great pride for me, but I was deeply unhappy as I walked up.

I tried to detect a smile in Mr. Salls' stern face, but there was none.  His eyes bored into me like a hawk as he handed me my award.  He handed me a certificate, then barked out a brief congratulation in his harsh, raspy voice. 

 

"Ausgezeichnet, Herr Archer.  Gute arbeit."  (excellent, Mr. Archer, good work)

Instead of smiling back at his praise, I looked down.  I could not look him in the eye.  I was too ashamed to make eye contact.  I cannot begin to say how empty that victory felt.  Feeling that I had tarnished this honor, I did not deserve an award for German achievement. 

What I learned is that cheating sabotages one's pride in the accomplishment of a goal.  The German award was the only prize I ever won at St. John's in nine long years, yet I had managed to rob myself of any satisfaction.  At a moment when I should have felt triumph, I felt nothing but shame.  The worst part of the evening was knowing that I had let Mr. Salls down.  That thought completely devastated me.  I wanted him to be proud of me, but I had thrown any chance of that away.  How could I have been so stupid?

 

Later in the evening, I was called forward to receive my diploma.  Again, I was too ashamed to look Mr. Salls in the eye.  I said "thank you" for my St. John's diploma, but I felt so empty inside. 

Without a doubt, I was crushed to know how much I had disappointed this man.  I could have cared less about Mr. Murphy's low opinion of me, but I very much wanted Mr. Salls to know how much he had meant to me and how grateful I was for my scholarship and my education. 

I had put in nine years to reach this moment.  This evening should have been a time for celebration, but it was a time of sadness instead.  Plagued with guilt, I was miserable the entire night.  My entire experience of Graduation Night was one long feeling of regret.  

If I could have said one thing, I would have told Mr. Salls not to give up on me.  Just because I didn't participate in activities and just because I was the toughest discipline problem of any student they had, deep down I was a good kid who intended to make good use of this fine education. 

Clutching my diploma tightly due to the tension I felt, the moment the Graduation Ceremony was over, I wanted to leave.  But first I forced myself to go to my parents and say goodnight.  My father handed me $50 for which I thanked him.  After that, I quickly left because I had a party to go to.  I did not want to spend another minute with either parent.

 

I had lied to my parents.  There were no celebration parties awaiting me.  Who would dream of inviting the Invisible Kid to a party?  So I decided to have my own party.  I went home and sat on my bed in the dark with Terry beside me.  Nine long years were over.  I was embarrassed at the realization that I had to crawl across the Finish Line.

Of all the things that had gone wrong in my Senior year, cheating on that German test had to be the dumbest thing I had ever done in my life.  As I lay there in the dark, I was totally mystified by that incident.  What possible reason could I have to do something so colossally stupid?  If I didn't know better, the Devil had made me do it.  Except that I didn't believe in the Devil.  So why did I do it? 

Despite all my disappointment, I was at least able to realize how grateful I was for my St. John's education.  I just wish I could enjoyed my final year.  This had been a truly miserable year.   The temptation of Linda and Janie, Little Mexico, my Christmas fight with my mother, my father's $400 insult, caught out of bounds by Mr. MacKeith, caught stealing, caught cheating, losing the scholarship to Katina, Mrs. Ballantyne's mysterious visit, skipping the basketball team, fighting with my grocery store manager, Mr. Murphy's constant wrath, Mr. Flansburg's 'D' in Calculus, a near fatal car accident, Mr. Salls' disgust over my cheating, my fears about not going to college, my bitterness towards my classmates, it all added up to make my Senior year one of the four toughest years of my life.  

I had just received the most incredible education any young man could ever ask for, but all I felt was that hollow, empty sense of regret.  These past four years of High School Hell had taken a heavy toll on me.  With a huge sigh, I drew my dog to me and hugged him.  I smiled and told Terry, 'You know what?  I could never have done this without you.' 

And then I cried for a while.  Terry always had that ability to reach my soft side and turn on my tears.  Where would I have been without my dog to remind me that deep down I was still a good kid?"   

 
 


SUBCHAPTER 112 - SUPERNATURAL EVENT 13
 


Rick Archer's Footnote:

I listed my near death car accident as Supernatural Event 13 and gave it a Two Star rating.

I had been very fortunate.  One car coming from the opposite direction narrowly missed me, but it was the car behind me that offered the greatest threat.  If the driver behind me had not been paying close attention, I would be dead now or headed to the hospital.  I still could not believe I had been forced to lay flat on this busy street for a full 30 seconds and no car had hit me.  I hated being so helpless in such a dangerous situation.

Was it 'luck' that saved me?  It crossed my mind that someone might have been watching over me.  Ever since my encounter with Mrs. Ballantyne, I had given the thought of Guardian Angels considerable thought.  This close call put me right back in my strange mood.  I still had trouble finding any sort of rational explanation for Mrs. Ballantyne's recent appearance.  All I knew was that for all my mistakes and all my problems at St. John's, I also seemed to lead a charmed life.

I wondered what that man had meant about 'some instinct to slow down'.  Was my Guardian Angel watching out for me again?   I had no way of knowing the truth, but that didn't stop me from wondering.  I was already convinced some invisible being had guided Mrs. Ballantyne to my side two months earlier.  Now I had yet another reason to ponder the mysteries of the Universe.
 

 

 

The second issue is our random encounter at Weingarten's.  Mrs. Ballantyne had no business being at Weingarten's.  The store was nowhere near her neighborhood nor was it a fancy store.  I understand that we all run into people we know and don't give it a second thought.  However, our encounter at Weingarten's was special because it took place smack dab in the middle of my serious crisis. 

As we shall see, after our meeting took a mystical turn, I would later conclude that Rick Archer and Maria Ballantyne were destined to never meet until this specific moment here in my Senior year.  Therefore I will list our 'Accidental Meeting at Weingarten's' as Supernatural Event 12 and give it a Five Star Rating.
 

 


SUBCHAPTER 116 - CARL JUNG AND EDGAR CAYCE
 

You know, there's something I haven't really ever had the nerve to tell you, Dr. Hilton."

"I find that hard to believe.  You've told me everything under the sun."

"I know, but I have never talked to you about Mysticism before."

Dr. Hilton nodded.  "To be honest, I am not surprised that you have brought up this issue.  I try to keep my opinions to myself, but there is something I find very odd about Mrs. Ballantyne's visit.  To me, it violates all laws of probability."

I smiled.  "You never cease to surprise me, Dr. Hilton.  That is exactly where I was headed."

Dr. Hilton smiled back.  "During my own days of graduate school, I took a passing fancy in the work of Carl Jung.  Are you aware of his work on Synchronicity?"

"Yes, I remember studying him back in college.  Interesting concepts about the nature of coincidences."

"Yes, that's him.  Dr. Jung was a pretty far-out guy.  Like you, he grew up a loner and had lots of time to think about things.  He was fascinated by coincidences.  Jung seemed to have two minds about the supernatural.  He had a public presence that attempted to understand coincidences ‘scientifically’ and a private one that acknowledged ghosts, visions, and premonitions as part of the essential mystery of life."

"Goodness gracious, I had no idea.  I have only heard of his public positions.  How did the scientific community relate to him?”

"Not very well.  He spent his whole life mired in controversy.  In particular, Jung had a long relationship with Sigmund Freud. They were contemporaries and even collaborated on occasion.  However, Jung's fascination with the supernatural drove a wedge between the men.  I think at one point Freud shook his head and told Jung he was completely nuts.  Jung was stung by the criticism and withdrew to follow his own path.  I thought the whole thing was very interesting.  While Freud focused on scientific, analytical explanations for human behavior, Jung's preoccupation with the supernatural led him in a different direction.  Both men would analyze the same behavior and reach different conclusions.  Psychology is a little bit like Religion.  No one really knows what God thinks, so everyone loves to argue about it.  Psychology is the same way.  Since no one really knows what makes someone tick, some like Freud's explanations better, some like Jung better."

"Which one do you like?"

"I thought Jung was interesting, but my professor bit my head off when I mentioned him one time.  After that, I figured if I was going to get my degree, I needed to forget about Carl Jung in a hurry."

"I see you played department politics better than I did."

"Yes, that's true, Rick.  And it is also true that I had much better parents than you."

"You know, my father did do me one favor.  When I met with my father shortly after Christmas during my Senior year of high school, he handed me The Sleeping Prophet, a book about the mystic Edgar Cayce.  Despite my intense animosity towards my father, once I started reading the book, I could not put it down.  Have you ever heard of Edgar Cayce?"

"No.  Please tell me about him.  Is he alive?" 

"No, Edgar Cayce died shortly after World War II.  He was an uneducated man who seemed to be able to access Universal knowledge by going into a trance.  Once he was in a trance, he came up with amazing medical cures that far transcended his conscious knowledge of medicine.  One skeptic after another challenged him, but as far as I can tell, he was the real deal.

Pertinent to my problems in my Senior year, I was obsessed by the unfairness of everything that was happening to me.  So when I ran across the chapter where Edgar Cayce talked about Reincarnation, that really caught my eye.  Cayce's revelations about Reincarnation came while he was in trance. 

As I read about Cayce's understanding of Reincarnation, he pointed out that the soul is constantly experiencing the consequences of its choices from previous lifetimes.  His ideas offered an explanation for accidents, diseases, and bad luck that was much different than the traditional Christian concept of One Life.  That thought gave me the willies.  Was it possible that George Broyles had been paralyzed due to something he had done in a previous lifetime?  Was it possible that my acne curse was payment for past misdeeds?  If Reincarnation really did exist, then suddenly there was justice in the Universe. 

It was my reading of the Edgar Cayce book that opened my eyes for the first time that maybe there might be more to this world than meets the eye.  I sort of forgot about the book for a while due to all my worries about the Jones Scholarship, but then one day I got caught cheating in the weirdest way imaginable."

"You are talking about the boy who walked in on you at the exact moment you started cheating."

"Yes.  And I wasn't happy about it either.  I had taken every imaginable precaution to prevent this from happening, but the guy barged in out of nowhere at the perfect moment to catch me.  How was this even possible?:

"I happen to agree with you, Rick.  I thought that was a pretty strange coincidence myself.  So what does all this have to do with Mrs. Ballantyne?"
 

"I was very pleased that Mrs. Ballantyne had been able to finally place me.  It was not easy, but the most visible parent at St. John's had managed to place the least visible student, a nondescript boy who just happened to be a huge admirer.  But what a weird place to meet! 

Although one part of me was thrilled to be noticed, another part of me wondered what took so long and why did it happen in such a weird way.

By all odds, we should have met at St. John's long ago.  All she had to do was smile, nod, or say hello, but in nine years she had never seemed to notice me.  That was strange enough.  But what was even stranger was having her meet me in a remote spot miles from the SJS campus.  It had taken nine long years, but the most famous parent at St. John's had just noticed the Invisible Student for the very first time. 

Dr. Hilton, I felt very uncomfortable at how utterly random this meeting was.  This meeting was quite a coincidence.  Think about it... we should have met long ago at St. John's.  Since our school was very small and Mrs. Ballantyne was on the premises every day, I saw her on average 3 times a week.  40 school weeks in a school year over 9 years.  3 times a week, 40 weeks, 9 years = 1,080.  I estimate I spotted Mrs. Ballantyne at least 1,000 times at St. John's over the years, probably more.

1,000 sightings at St. John's, but not once had this lady exchanged a glance, smile or simple 'hello'.  Not once.  A couple times our eyes met, but she stared right through me without changing expression.  I swear I am telling the truth.  There was never the slightest bit of contact between us.  Like two strangers who ride the bus to work, over the years we had shared the same bus ride 1,000 times, but not once did we share the same seat. 

This inability to connect might make sense if we were talking about a large college campus, but keep in mind that St. John's was so small that I literally passed right by Mrs. Ballantyne at least once a week.

The dominant feature of St. John's was a lovely green expanse in the center of the school known as the Quadrangle.  Many classrooms surrounded the Quadrangle.  Since only Seniors could walk in the Quadrangle, the rest of the students and the faculty were funneled into a rectangular open-air Hallway that connected 20 classrooms and the Administration office.

Mrs. Ballantyne used the same Hallway I did.  Mrs. Ballantyne loved to patrol that hallway because it gave her a chance to run into one of her seven children and share a word.  Other times she would walk down that hallway with Mr. Salls beside her. 

Considering I used that hallway nine times a day, I passed within inches of her at least once a week.  Other times I would find myself walking right behind her.  All she had to do was turn around and we would have been face to face.  But that never happened.  Not once. 

"Did you ever try to make contact?"

"Absolutely not.  I was far too respectful to deliberately do something to make her notice me.  However, I did go a little bit out of my way sometimes.  Whenever I would walk past Mrs. Ballantyne, I would look directly at her.  Her face never changed.  She always had her blinders on. 

Here is my point.  By the laws of probability, we should have met by now.

Furthermore, by the laws of probability, we had no business meeting here at Weingarten's either.  What was this woman doing here at the remote edge of a parking lot two miles from school?  The utter improbability of this chance meeting left me very unsettled. 

If this chance meeting had been arranged by someone, Mr. Salls for example, I would have given it no more thought.  But as far as I could tell, this meeting was a complete accident.  If that was the case, then I had to wonder if there was a supernatural element to this encounter." 

 

Dr. Hilton stroked his chin and gave it some thought. 

"Fortunately for you, I am more open-minded than the average guy.  My wife and I go to church and I am about 80% sure that there is a God.  However, I don't know much about the supernatural.  I took the scientific route rather than the Carl Jung route.  Be that as it may, I am familiar with the laws of statistical probability.  Based on my understanding of probability, that boy had no business catching you cheating on the German test.  By the laws of probability, given your interest in Mrs. Ballantyne, I also agree she should have noticed you long ago.  Furthermore, I find her appearance at your store just one week after the strange scholarship event rather unsettling.  All three situations are definitely out of the ordinary and I have no explanation.

However, we are out of time today, so we will have to come back to it.  I will make you a deal, Rick.  If you promise to read up on Carl Jung over the next week, then I promise to read a little bit about Edgar Cayce.  You have definitely awakened my curiosity.  One more thing."

"What do you need?

"Is there more to the story of Mrs. Ballantyne?"

"You have no idea."

"Excellent.  To be continued?"

"Yes, sir, to be continued."
So here is a quick overview.

•  I was an only child.  At age 9, my parents divorced.  I was quickly abandoned by my father.  After marrying his mistress one year later, my father more or less forgot I existed.

•  My mother did not have proof my father had a mistress, but she told him she did and he believed her.  As a bizarre condition of the divorce, my mother blackmailed my father into paying the expensive tuition to send me to Houston's most exclusive private school for three years.  My father made good money, but he didn't make that kind of money.  This explains why my new stepmother resented me as a burden and chose to poison my relationship with my father.  It also explains how a poor and extremely awkward 9 year old boy somehow found himself rubbing elbows with the children of Houston's elite moneyed class. 

•  Following the divorce, my mother went off the deep end.  My unstable mother lost job after job.  Since she could not pay her bills, we were frequently evicted.  I had 11 homes in 9 years.  This explains why I wrapped my entire childhood around an obsessive dream to get to college and escape my mother. 

•  Due to my mother's economic woes, at various times my mother and I occupied either the top rung of the Lower Class or the bottom rung of the Middle Class.  Thanks to a series of scholarships, I was able to remain at my private school even after my father deserted me completely following the 6th Grade.  By a margin roughly the size of the Pacific Ocean, I was the poorest student at this rich kid's school for nine years, 4th Grade to 12th Grade.  To say I was 'outclassed' is putting it mildly. 

•  To deal with her loneliness, my mother spent three, four nights a week in bars looking for men.  Consequently, I spent a lot of time alone starting at age 9.  Since we moved all the time, making neighborhood friends was difficult.  As the token poor kid at a rich kids school, I was slowly but surely ostracized.  While the kids around me seemed to flourish, I found myself trapped in an odd, almost orphan-like existence.  I found it easier to become a loner and cling to my dog as my best friend in the world.  With an unreliable mother, no nearby relatives and no family friends to lean on, I was forced to start raising myself.  I did the best I could, but as my story will reveal, I did not do a very good job.  I grew up twisted, bitter and gnarled. 

•  As if being the poorest kid was not bad enough, I had the misfortune of becoming the ugliest kid in my school as well.  In the 9th Grade, a bizarre lymph gland infection made a mild case of acne explode into an ugly crisis.  It took two years for the acne to pass, but the ordeal was not over. To my dismay, I realized the acne had been replaced by deep scars.  Due to my acne-related disfigurement, I did not have a single date during high school.  Feeling like the school leper, I shied from any girl who came near.  It was during this time that my classmate Harold referred to me as the 'Creepy Loser Kid'.  Sad to say, his harsh words would haunt me for many years to come. 

 

 
 

Although I am hardly an expert on Scripture, I am familiar with the story known as the Conversion of Paul.  This biblical story helps illustrate my theory.  Saul was a man who earned a reputation as a cut-throat enemy of Christians.  Saul was quick to ruthlessly punish anyone for their Christian beliefs.  He was so cruel that one might consider him a 'Blind Fool' for his evil ways.  Then one day this avowed opponent of Christianity was confronted on the road to Damascus by Jesus.

As Saul neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him.  He fell to the ground and heard a voice say, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?"
 
"Who are you, Lord?" Saul asked.

"I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting," the voice replied. "Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do next."

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless.  They had heard the voice but did not see anyone.  Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So the men led him by hand into Damascus.  For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

—Acts 9:3–9

 

This event triggered Saul's metamorphosis into Apostle Paul.  One might say he was blinded in more ways than one, but saw the light.  Saul changed his mind about Christianity and became a strong advocate.  After the amazing confrontation, Paul dedicated the rest of his life to spreading the word of Jesus.  For the purposes of my 'Cosmic Stupidity' theory, the Conversion of Paul suggests that people can wander through life completely misguided only to wake up one day and realize they have been in the dark the entire time. 

The question is why was Saul in the dark in the first place.  If my theory of Cosmic Stupidity is correct, then it was Saul's Fate to remain a Blind Fool until it was his time to become Enlightened.
However, before we begin, I want to take a small detour and talk about a 1967 movie called The Producers. 

In case you don't know the story, the plot revolves around two men who are determined to stage the WORST Broadway play in history.  Through the use of creative accounting, by making a flop, they will create a giant tax write-off.  They come up with a musical titled "Springtime for Hitler: A Gay Romp With Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden".  The sight of Hitler strutting around complete with dancing girls who can't dance and bizarre songs about world domination and the joy of crushing Europe was in such obvious bad taste, the Producers were certain the play would close after one night.

However, the audience misinterpreted the show completely.  They thought it was brilliant satire.  This play was so weird it was good, sort of like The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  Against against all odds, the play became an accidental smash hit and the Producers were ruined. 

I have long felt a deep kinship for Mel Brooks, the screenwriter and the director of The Producers.  Brooks said this movie was his big break, adding that he considered his script to be the best work of his career.  A lot of people agreed.  His wildly creative movie script earned Mel Brooks the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. 

There were all kinds of suspicious breaks that surrounded the making of this movie.  Brooks mentioned all the weird people who accidentally beat out better-looking, more famous people for the part.  To his surprise, these little-known actors turned about to be perfect for their part.  The real-life Producer of the The Producers had a problem.  No one wanted to direct this movie.  They all said the movie had 'flop' written all over it.  So Brooks offered to do it himself even though he had never directed a movie before. 

On the first day of filming Brooks said 'cut' when he meant 'action' and vice versa.  Finally someone had to explain he had it backwards.  Brooks admitted he was so totally unprepared to direct this movie, he was having a nervous breakdown.  Just when he thought this movie was too ridiculous to have any chance of making it to the screen, things started to click. 

In his own words, Brooks said, "And then we started rolling and I started crying because it was a miracle.  It was so beautiful.  Zero Mostel looked right into the camera and said, ‘This guy (Gene Wilder) should be in a straightjacket.’  When Mostel broke the fourth wall, everyone cracked up and the tension was gone.  Suddenly it felt like God was on my side."

Brooks has said that without The Producers, there might never have been Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, and Spaceballs.  Brooks confessed he had no idea where all his crazy ideas came from.  It was almost like... dare I say it?... Divine Inspiration.  Based on the description of his experience, it sounds to me like Mel Brooks had a Magic Carpet Ride of his own.  This is why I found the story about this movie so compelling.

 

 

 

So how do we explain the greatness of George Mitchell?

Mitchell offered a clue of his own.  In 2010, George Mitchell wrote an open letter on the importance of Education.  Here is an excerpt: 

I was born in Galveston, Texas, to Greek immigrant parents.  I was a teenager during the Great Depression.  Although I grew up in a very meager, yet loving, environment, I always considered myself fortunate to live in America where the opportunities are unlimited.  Yet sometimes we seem to take it all for granted.  I disagree.  I believe we need to create opportunities for others wherever we can.

I quickly learned that a good education, hard work, dedication, willing mentors, and a few lucky breaks meant the difference between success and failure.

Throughout my life I've seen firsthand how even a little financial assistance could mean a chance for struggling students, dedicated scientists, and families to reach their goals.

I've witnessed how underwriting large-scale academic programs, performing arts, and medical research programs can be quite appealing.  Those ventures have far-reaching, long-term benefits for society as a whole, often extending for successive generations.
 

George Mitchell was more than willing to act on his own advice.  At the time of his passing in 2013, Mitchell was far and away the largest donor in the history of Texas A&M University.  Texas A&M University System Chancellor John Sharp offered this poignant eulogy.

“George Mitchell was a great example of what makes this university so special.  He truly loved the school and believed in paying forward to benefit the next generation of great Aggies with his time, talent and treasure.  The George P. and Cynthia Woods Mitchell Institute for Fundamental Physics and Astronomy will be his most visible legacy, but his impact and influence runs deep throughout our community as Texas A&M’s largest benefactor ever.  We will never forget him.”

Who could have predicted the son of poor Greek immigrant would make billions finding oil and gas in places where others never thought to look?  In retrospect, the signs of Mitchell's greatness were there all along.  An outstanding student, George Mitchell finished high school in Galveston at 16.  In 1935, Mitchell was accepted into Texas A&M, a school with a strong petrochemical engineering program. 

 

Lacking money, lacking a car, lacking encouragement, Mitchell was completely on his own up at A&M.  There was no support system waiting for him, no friends from high school.  There were no trips home to cheer him up.  There were no loans available, no work-study programs.  The only money he had in his pocket had been made selling fish caught back in Galveston.  His father was too busy losing money at poker to provide any help.  Therefore, in order to stay in school, George was forced to constantly scramble for tuition.  Fortunately, his father's abandonment had done Mitchell a strange favor... it had given him plenty of practice at learning to fend for himself.  It is a good thing Mitchell did have a work ethic because he operated on a razor thin margin. 

His financial problems were intensified by a hard and fast A&M rule... non-payment of tuition meant automatic expulsion.   As a school based on military principles, A&M took a hard line where tuition was concerned.   Tuition in those days was $39 a month.  A student was given 45 days after the bill was due to pay up.   After that, it was time to go.  No exceptions!

Unfortunately, the day came when the money dried up.  No matter how much Mitchell hustled to make ends meet, could not find the money anywhere.  Mitchell was frantic.  No matter how hard he tried, Mitchell could not scrape the needed money.  George grimly faced the fact that unless he could think of something, he would be forced to drop out of school.   Mitchell could not let this happen.  His entire future rested upon completing his education. 

 

Desperate, the young man thought about asking his father for help. This was the move George dreaded making. For one thing, it was a long shot. Depending how the poker cards had been falling, half the time his father was penniless.  More important, Mitchell's pride prevented him from asking his unreliable father for anything.  However, now that it was beg or leave school, George swallowed his pride and wired his father for money.  We already know how this story turns out, but but let's read what George Mitchell had to say about the incident. 

"As I expected, at the time Dad wrote back that he didn't have a cent to his name.  So my dad said he would ask Sam Maceo, the Godfather of Galveston, if he would help. 

My father said, 'Mr. Maceo, sir, my son is the top student at A&M, but he is going to get kicked out because he doesn't have any money.  Do you think you can you help him?' "

Sam Maceo, the Galveston gambling impresario known for his generosity, smiled.  On the spot, Maceo reached into his pocket and handed my father a hundred dollar bill, no questions asked.  

Thinking fast, Dad immediately got change and broke the bill in two.  He knew I only needed $50, so he sent me $50 and kept the other $50 to play poker.  My father always lived by his wits.  I guess somewhere along the line I learned to do the same thing.  However, I could never have gotten out of this jam by myself.  I was incredibly grateful to Sam Maceo."

This was the lucky break George needed, the luckiest break of his life.
 
 

Thanks to this gift and several more timely Maceo contributions along the way, George would make his monthly college payments on time for the rest of his tenure at A&M.  There was a special reason Sam Maceo continued to help. Maceo knew that Mike Mitchell was a notorious embellisher.  Sensing a possible scam, the Galveston Godfather made a point to check on George's grades at Texas A&M. When Maceo called A&M, to his surprise, Mike Mitchell had been telling the truth.  Maceo was very impressed when the registrar reported that George was currently at the top of his class.  From that point on, Maceo made sure George would no longer have to worry about money.

George Mitchell earned his five-year degree in petroleum engineering from Texas A&M in only four years.  He graduated as the valedictorian of his class and even found time to become the captain of the men’s tennis team.  Mitchell was deeply grateful for his fine education.  When anyone asked the secret of his success, Mitchell always made sure to credit his beloved school for giving him the knowledge and training necessary to make his mark in the world.

George Mitchell repaid his debt to Texas A&M many times over.  His visionary support for his alma mater included 135 acres for Texas A&M University at Galveston’s main campus.  Then there was the $88 million to Texas A&M Physics and Astronomy — most recently a $20 million legacy gift in 2012 to benefit his namesake George P. and Cynthia Woods Mitchell Institute for Fundamental Physics and Astronomy. 

Admiral Robert Smith III, the school's president, offered high praise for A&M's favorite son.

"To say George Mitchell was a great man with foresight and generosity isn't enough. His contributions to this university literally made this institution possible."

However, there was one debt that George Mitchell could not repay directly.  That would be Sam Maceo, the man whose simple act of kindness had meant the world to George Mitchell. 

 

In his later years, George Mitchell was often referred to as 'Mr. Galveston'.  What an odd coincidence.  The only other man ever to be called 'Mr. Galveston' was Sam Maceo.  The strange connection between the two men is unmistakable. 

Considering George Mitchell spoke of Maceo's gesture many times, there can be no doubt this unexpected gift left a powerful impression on him.  How Mitchell ever forget the kindness of the man who helped him stay in school during the toughest stretch of his life?  Amazed that the Godfather of Galveston, a very important man, would go out of his way to help some nameless kid, Mitchell chose to emulate his predecessor.  By making sure that Galveston, a city mired in thirty years of hardship, got back on its feet, George Mitchell was able to pay Sam Maceo's kindness forward. 

Of course we will never know, but I firmly believe Sam Maceo's powerful gesture touched Mitchell in a profound way.  Through his profound act of kindness, it seems like Sam Maceo passed an invisible torch to George Mitchell.  

 

Previously I said that due to my unique relationship with Maria Ballantyne, I might very well be the only person with the vantage point to grasp the role FATE played in the life of George Mitchell. 

I am convinced that George Mitchell was linked in a universal way to Sam Maceo.  I also believe that saving Galveston was in George Mitchell's Destiny from the start. 

Upon George Mitchell's death in 2013, his friend Stephen Hawking delivered a beautiful, very touching eulogy. 
 
As for me, during the three years it took Victoria and Michael to repair the damage, I remained in Limbo.  I deeply resented Victoria's demand that I not see other woman.  However, I willingly honored the terms of my captivity.  I will explain why in due time.  What is important to note is I saw Victoria sparingly during these three years.  She worked at the studio two nights a week and we would talk afterwards.  Then she would race home to relieve Michael from watching their daughter so he could go to his apartment.  About once a month Victoria would join me when I was dancing at a club, then invite me home afterwards.  That ended the moment Victoria came to her senses about Michael and chased off his girlfriend.  That's the extent of our relationship for three years.  As one can gather, I had a lot of time on my hands.  And what do you suppose I thought about in my spare moments?  Cosmic Stupidity.

 
 

Ms. Rowling could have taken these words right out of my mouth.  Following my acute failure in graduate school, I too had no idea that my own life would have a fairy resolution.  So now I was curious to know what Ms. Rowling thought about Fate, so I nosed around.  Considering there are J.K. Rowling quotes scattered across the Internet, I was surprised to find Ms. Rowling has never revealed her personal thoughts on Fate to any great extent.  The best I could do was this quote:

“Destiny is a name often given in retrospect to choices that had dramatic consequences.” – JK Rowling
 
 
 

What do People do when they fall Victim to Blindness?
 

J.K. Rowling, a noted authority on Witches, Wizards and Potions, has said that ordinary humans are not very good at recognizing Magic.  They always seem to find some other explanation to deal with the unexplainable.  Of course Ms. Rowling has the sense to let Harry Potter make this declaration, thereby sidestepping any question of her own sanity.  But why do I suspect Ms. Rowling is trying to send us an indirect message?  For that matter, William Shakespeare may have had similar sentiments.  I suspect he too believed Magic is all around us, but knew better than to come right out and say it.  Smarter to conceal his extraordinary message in plays.   

It is my belief that Cosmic Blindness is a phenomenon that we all suspect, but can't really put our finger on.  My theory is that there many people in this world who have a Love is Blind story to tell, but don't know what to make of it.  Since people are ashamed and embarrassed at their stupid mistake, it is not something they like to talk about.  Since most people prefer not to reveal the dumbest thing they ever did, the idea that Blindness is related to Fate remains largely unknown.   For example, recently a friend of mine wrote to ask how my book on Fate was coming along.  On a whim, I sent Jane a copy of this chapter.  One day later Jane shared this story:   

"I stayed with my first husband for almost 13 years even though I knew after a month of being married (1999) I had made the biggest mistake in my life.  The breaking straw was mid March 2012 when I had a hysterectomy.  I am lying in bed and suddenly all these strange flies had taken over our house, millions of them.  No, it wasn't the pain killers talking!  The flies were landing all over me, on my face, my eyes, and I was too weak to even get up. And my husband didn't do anything to help.  He didn't try to kill the flies or anything.  Instead he left to go out with a buddy and made me endure this nightmare alone.  He just left to go out with a friend.  After two days I gained enough strength to at least get a fly swatter, deal with an exterminator, and take a shower.  I told myself when I got better, I was getting a divorce.  By June I had filed.  By September it was a done deal!!  I was finally free from my real life Misery. 

To this day, I am not sure why I stayed all those years.  My husband didn't love me and at that point I didn't love him either.  I always say it was temporary insanity!!"

Here is my point.  Jane knew something really strange was going on in her marriage, but never considered there might be a Supernatural explanation until she read my explanation.  Jane is not alone.  I have all kinds of stories like hers, but the thought that they may have been deliberately blinded.  .  However, Victoria's strange tale is by far the craziest of all. 

So what do most people do when they fall victim to Cosmic Blindness?

 
 

Actions Speak Louder than Words
 
 

 

Instead our conversation was always about her reluctance to move in with me and bring Stephanie with her.  Ultimately, the moment she learned of Jennifer, Victoria acted impulsively and ruined her life.  Please keep in mind that Stage One Victoria would have never made a mistake like this.  Stage One Victoria was brilliant, savvy, insightful.  Stage Two Victoria was borderline mentally ill.  Searching for an explanation for Victoria's badly clouded judgment, my theory of Cosmic Blindness was making more sense all the time. 

Now it was time for Stage Three.  Something funny happened.  Well, not particularly funny to me at the time, but even I can see the humor in it.  First a little background.  On the same day Victoria moved out of my house, she called me at home to lay down the law.  Jennifer had to go.  She had left her husband for me, so I belonged to Victoria now.  I was FORBIDDEN to see Jennifer nor could I date anyone else.  OR ELSE.  Jennifer was so disgusted she moved to another city.  Once she was gone, I felt an obligation to honor to Victoria's wish.  Not because I had to.  As I feared, Disco collapsed at the end of the year.  Once Disco was gone, so was Victoria's power over me.  And why was that?  Her mailing list consisted of Disco students only.  Nevertheless, I willingly remained at Victoria's side.  It was true that I owed my dance studio, or what was left of it, to Victoria.  It was also true that Victoria had thrown away her husband to be with me.  Given the debt I felt and the price that Victoria had paid in the process, the least I could do was honor Victoria's request that I remain her boyfriend while she sorted out her life. 

Now that Victoria had me, she didn't want me.  She was so distraught over her impending divorce that for the next year she barely paid attention to me.  Victoria explained that Michael was constantly threatening to use the affair as an excuse to gain full custody of Stephanie.  Consequently, I was forbidden to come to her house and she wasn't interested in coming to mine.  Instead we spent a lot of time talking in her car after the two nights a week when she taught dance class.  This was the beginning of the three years I spent in Limbo.  Was I lonely?  Yes.  I was desperately lonely.  But I had given my word not to date other women and I kept my word.  Victoria could have cared less that I was miserable.  Her attitude was I had gotten her into this, so stick around.  I was sort of like a once-favorite toy that gets put on a shelf and forgotten.  Not once during that year was there ever any discussion of how special I was.  Not that I really minded.  I was just waiting around till Victoria set me free.  I figured that day would come when the divorce was final. 

 

So here's the humor.  One year after the Fateful night, the divorce was final.  Aha!  One of two things is going to happen.  Hopefully Victoria will set me as expected.  On the other hand, Victoria is free to renew her interest in me without guilt and without the fear of losing custody.  In my role as the Frequently Ignored Boyfriend, I did not actually want to see her get serious about me again.  However my ego expected Victoria to at least show a passing interest.  After all, she did refer to me as her boyfriend.  Did Victoria show any interest?  No.  In fact, she even had the nerve to date a couple other guys!  What a slap in the face!  AND THEN she added I was still not allowed to date other women because right now she was too fragile following the divorce to risk losing me.  Unbelievable.  After all the crap I had been through, I wanted to strangle the woman.  Bitter, I could not help but recall Victoria's original claim that our love was one for the ages.  Yeah, right.  NOT ONLY DID Victoria throw her marriage away for NOTHING, SHE could care less if she Extended MY MISERY.  Unbelievable.  Have you ever heard of a more outrageous demand in your life?

Why didn't I defy her?  I wanted to and I came close several times.  However, over the past year as Victoria faced her divorce, I had begun to feel more like a concerned brother than a boyfriend.  Yes, I had lost Jennifer and yes, I was lonely, but my pain was nothing compared to the agony Victoria was going through.  Victoria had ruined her life, she had hurt Michael and Stephanie badly, and she could not figure out what on earth was wrong with her.  Victoria was scared out of her wits.  Was she losing her mind?   Well, the answer to that was yes, Victoria had indeed lost her mind.  And with Michael gone, she had no else around to pick up the pieces of her shattered life.  So I decided she needed me to be her friend more than I needed my freedom.  In a sense, it was one of those 'For Better or Worse' kind of sentiments.  Victoria had been there for me when I needed her help getting my dance program off the ground, so it was my turn to be there for her while she needed me.  Of course I never expected it would take her three years to straight it out, but oh well. 

Did I ever explain my belief that Fate was responsible for her problems?  No.  One of the odd things about our relationship is that once Victoria turned inward, she never again mentioned Destiny as an explanation for our unusual bond.  I am quite serious.  That letter she sent me was the only time during my three years of Limbo that Victoria ever spoke in those terms.  She may have felt it all along, but that side of her thoughts was sealed off during her turbulent three years of confusion.  So I kept my own thoughts to myself.

 

 

 

Here is another letter.  I have several.  They each say pretty much the same thing. 

"I miss you deeply.  I got so high teaching that class Tuesday night and it hurt so much leaving.  It's all so much a part of me as you are.  I know this whole thing is a risk.  I might lose you forever or at least the way I'd like to have you. 

I know though that I will always carry you around with me in my heart and there are memories that will only be ours.  I will always thank you for some of the lessons you taught me.  I guess I feel that God sent you to me too.  Maybe it will be his Will that we get back together at some later time.  He knows I have to work through this first before I can love you or anyone else completely.   Keep me in your heart, Rick.  You will always be in mine."  

This may come as a surprise, but I am not a cynical person.  When Victoria said she loved me, I took her word for it.  And I loved her too, but perhaps more as a close friend.  Here's the problem.  Thanks to my Epic Losing Streak, at this point I was a hardened veteran when it came to Love.  They say Experience is the best teacher.  Amen to that.  Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from Bad judgment if you catch my drift.  If there was one thing I learned during my education in the School of Hard Knocks, actions speak MUCH louder than words.  Victoria told me she loved me all the time, but she treated me terribly.  We will get to that later.  But first I have much more important observation to make.

 
 

During this time, the one thing I could never get out of my mind was Victoria's Stage Two "List".  That List remained frozen in time because it had explained in painstaking detail why I was inferior to her husband.  For three years, every time I thought about the List, the same burning question came up again.  What woman in her right mind would throw away a husband like Michael?  Well, believe it or not, Victoria had an answer to that question.  In that 1979 letter I keep referring to, Victoria said she loved me.  And you want to know something?  I think she was sincere.  Or at least she was sincere when she said it. 

"Hi Honey, I hope you will accept this small gift from me.  I knew you were down today and thought in some small way I could say 'I'm thinking of you and I love you.'"
 
 

Victoria's madness ruined her life, but why stop there?  She ruined my life, Jennifer's life, Michael's life, Stephanie's life and for what purpose???  Look what Victoria had to show for her decision... five terrible nights of neverending tears followed by a lifetime of guilt and regret!  What about Stephanie's pain?  What about Michael's pain?  Was it worth it?  Hell no!  None of this made a bit of sense to me. 

If Victoria truly believed her husband was superior to me, then what would cause this woman to make the worst decision of her life? 

Explain it any you want, but to my mind, the only answer that made any sense whatsoever was Cosmic Blindness.
 

Stage Three was divided into three parts, each about one year in duration.  Year One was the dreaded approach to the divorce proceedings.  Year Two saw Victoria wander around lost and desperately seeking answers.  She went into therapy with a fine woman named Charlotte.  Unfortunately, just as Victoria showed signs of recovery, the poor lady died suddenly of cancer.  That left me as Victoria's entire support system. 

Making matters worse, at the tail end of Year Two, Michael found a girlfriend he really liked.  He was very serious about her.  The thought of losing Michael forever shook Victoria to the foundation of her being.  After all this time, Victoria finally emerged from her trance, but not in a good way.  Victoria went berserk!  As I said, Victoria was one of those women who wants what she can't have.  The moment Michael became a challenge again, Victoria chased off the girlfriend in a very ugly confrontation that went something like "He will always be mine!" 

But then something strange happened, something I did not see coming.  Victoria suddenly became a nice person again.  The return of Sunshine Victoria was so shocking to me, it felt like a Spell had just been lifted.  Victoria spent Year Three repairing her relationship with the man she had always loved.  However, given the amount of damage to Michael's heart, easier said than done. 

And what was my role during this period?  When Victoria decided to pursue Michael again, she signed up for a bumpy ride.  Michael was understandably reluctant to forgive and forget.  Fearful of getting hurt again, he rebuffed Victoria's advances on many occasions.  Each time Victoria would come running back to me.  As gently as possible, I would remind her that we were better off as friends and gently nudge her back in Michael's direction.  To her credit, Victoria would nod and realize this was the right thing to do. 

I had a ringside seat to Victoria's remarkable transformation.  Virtually the moment she chased off Michael's girlfriend, Victoria stopped acting like the Banshee from Hell and regained her former self.  Her warmth returned, her smile returned, her sensitivity returned, and, best of all, her common sense returned.  Victoria resumed acting like the responsible, thoughtful woman I had once known.  It was like magic!  In fact, the transformation was so startling that it reminded me of Sleeping Beauty awakening from an Evil Spell. 

Seriously, folks, this woman baffled me.  In Stage One, Victoria was the most radiant person I had ever met.  In Stage Two, Victoria was self-centered, vindictive, prone to lies and deception, willing to betray a good man.  Now towards the end of Stage Three, Victoria magically returned to her former self.  Every day I looked for Realistic explanations to cast light on Victoria's saga.  Victoria had been a decent person for 30 years, then for no good reason she committed adultery.  A woman needs a reason.  What was Victoria's reason? 
 

• Payback to a cruel husband?  Ridiculous.  Her husband was one of the nicest men I ever met. 

• In love with a Better Man?  Hmm.  Obviously not.  The List made that clear. 

• Exciting lifestyle?  What woman in her right mind chooses Disco Dancing over a man who has been good to his wife and their daughter?

• A desire to own a Disco studio?  Urban Cowboy was about to put a swift end to that pie in the sky. 

• Victoria's undying love for me?  Out of the question.  She talked love, but she didn't act it.  Based on her self-centered behavior to prevent me from dating during Limbo, she treated me little better than a spare tire in a trunk. 

Let's just stop there.  I spent three years looking for a Realistic explanation to justify Victoria's behavior without finding an answer to explain Victoria's descent into meanness.  Here is a woman who had it all and she just threw it away.  Victoria betrayed her husband.  Victoria betrayed me.  Victoria betrayed her daughter's trust.  A Good Woman would never do this kind of thing.  Therefore I contend it is nearly impossible to explain any of this story using accepted theories of human behavior.  On the other hand, it is easy to explain Victoria using the concept of a Magic Spell in a Fairy Tale.  I was dealing with two totally different women.  One woman was a respectable wife, a good mother, a generous woman with a big heart.  The other woman was vicious, controlling and self-destructive. 

Something strange, something dark had taken over this woman's mind.  This was not the same woman I had met.  Either Victoria was mentally ill or she had been placed under an Evil Spell.   As Sherlock Holmes would say, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."  I did not think Victoria was mentally ill, so that left Evil Spell as my best explanation.  After endless nights looking at this situation from every conceivable angle, there was no other explanation that fit the circumstances better than some sort of deliberate trance.  Calling it 'Cosmic Blindness', I decided Victoria had been turned into a puppet who had no choice but to follow the script placed in her mind by the Invisible Man.  And then one day, the Spell was lifted.

Once Victoria came to her senses, Michael sensed the change in her.  Despite all those cruel blows to his dignity, Michael found it in his heart to forgive.  I think Michael's good will serves as testimony to all of us that trust can be rebuilt no matter how terrible the transgression.  How he was able to give Victoria a second chance I will never know, but Michael earned my admiration.  In January 1982, Michael moved home again, Victoria stopped working at the studio, and the family was reunited.  In July, Victoria wrote a farewell letter and we parted as friends.  I have never seen her since.  Nor have we written or spoken.  Wherever Victoria is today, I wish her well.  

There was one consolation.  I participated in this affair specifically to protect my dance studio from Victoria's blackmail threat.  By appeasing Victoria, I averted news of the scandal from reaching the studio.  By keeping our mouths shut, no one had a clue something shameful had taken place.  Back at the end of March, Michael had been so angry over Victoria's refusal to give up teaching that he had quit coming to the studio.  Thanks to her husband's convenient absence, the students had forgotten about him over the summer.  Consequently my status as Victoria's boyfriend was taken for granted.  However I wasn't sure the sacrifice of Jennifer had been worth it.  It looked like my dance career was doomed anyway.  Due to the looming threat of Urban Cowboy, attendance at the studio in October was down to 25% compared to last summer.  I expected Disco would disappear in Houston by the turn of the year.  And I was correct. 

 
 


EPILOGUE
 
 

Rick Archer's Note: 

After Marla and I met in the hallway that night, we have never been apart since.  In retrospect, our problems on the second day of the trip were a blessing in disguise.  Marla and I learn righted at the start that the other person was willing to talk through problems until we found a solution.  Hearts are often broken when words are left unspoken.  In my case, seeing how hard Marla worked to solve our communication breakdown helped build confidence in her.  Marla said the same thing about me.  By overcoming that rough patch, we were convinced could handle anything the future might bring.  Eye to eye on issues such as honesty and loyalty, our long talk deep into Night Two strengthened our trust.   Once we conquered our Distrust demons, we became as close as humanly possible.  

Although I was convinced Fate had brought us together, I was leery about discussing the issue until our relationship had time to crystallize.  Save it for later.  However, in my private thoughts, I had five Suspected Supernatural Events to consider. 

  •  Marla's case of Cosmic Blindness in regards to Chris.

  •  Marla's case of Cosmic Blindness regarding my Invisibility prior to the cruise trip.

  •  The Stroke of Midnight Coincidence on Night One.

  •  The Hallway Coincidence outside my cabin on Night Two.

  •  The Ashley Rumor. 

  

 

 

 


LIST OF SUSPECTED SUPERNATURAL EVENTS
   101

Serious

Synchronicity
Predestination

   2001   The Gypsy Prophecy
   100

Serious

Coincidence

   2001   A coincidental meeting outside Rick's cabin solves the Mystery of the Darren Flirtation
 
   098

Suspicious
 Heartfelt Wish

Coincidence

   2001   Rick and Marla's Stroke of Midnight connection at the Disco followed by Marla's awakening
 

Suspicious

Cosmic Blindness

   2001   Marla does not know Rick exists for six months despite neverending attempts to get her attention
 
   095

Suspicious

Cosmic Blindness

   95-01   Marla is mysteriously unable to leave her toxic relation with Chris despite lies, put-downs, and cheating
 
   093

Serious

Telekinesis

   1983  Gordian Knot incident where Judy and Rick become Siamese Twins during their Waltz performance
 
 
  099

Suspicious

Coincidence

2001

  The Ashley Rumor Coincidence turns out to be the root cause of a very serious misunderstanding
 
 

As far as I was concerned, the Ashley Rumor was a Plot Twist worthy of God, Charles Dickens and Penelope.

Five months prior to the cruise, my brief affair with Ashley ended on good terms.  Ashley said no one had to know and asked me to keep things a secret.  Unbeknownst to me, Ashley turn around and told everything to Jane while failing to inform me of her action.  This was right out of the soap opera playbook.  But our script writers did not stop there.  Of all the people Jane decided to confide in, she chose Marla, an interesting coincidence.  Why tell Marla indeed?  Marla had no interest in me.  She was sitting there minding her own business and Jane just happened to share Ashley's deep dark secret for no obvious reason.  And so the plot thickens.  Rhymes with Dickens. 

Five months later, Ashley appears at the dance class on the ship.  Her presence prompts an already suspicious Marla to fear that Rick is pursuing several women on this trip.  One thing leads to another until Marla over-reacts and decides to retaliate.  The Darren incident leaves Rick reeling in confusion.  Now Rick over-reacts and spends an entire hour deep in confusion and despair.  Finally Rick pulls himself together and opens the door.  There is Marla.  What a surprise!  Rick and Marla clear up the mystery and live happily ever after.

Let's take a closer look.  There was another coincidence that night.  Integrity in a relationship is important to me.  When I am in a relationship, I do not cheat.  Why not?  As Marla pointed out, given all the women I meet at the studio, I could have a harem.  I don't cheat because once upon a time I participated in an affair with a married woman.  The affair ruined her marriage, resulted in divorce and caused her only child to suffer miserably.  This affected me deeply.  Once upon a time, my father's affair ruined his marriage, resulted in divorce and caused his only child to suffer miserably.  Watching history repeat itself made me sick in my stomach and I vowed this mistake would never be repeated again. 

I have told only one lie to Marla.  I don't lie to people I care about.  Nevertheless, thanks to Ashley, Rick, a man who does not lie to people he is close to, gets caught lying to Marla about his fling.  Why does Rick lie to Marla?  Rick is a man of his word, so he has lied to keep his long-ago promise to Ashley.  However, Marla is a woman who is extremely touchy due to six years of lies from Chris.  Catching Rick in a lie sows tremendous suspicion in Marla's mind.  Marla has already spent the entire second day obsessing over Ashley and now she catches Rick in an undeniable lie about Ashley.  The amazing thing is that Marla decided to give me a second chance.

And that brings us back to Charles Dickens.  Although something as convoluted as this rarely happens in Real Life, Dickens is free to tell a whopper like this in a novel and get away with it.  God is not so fortunate.  I am completely aware just how improbable this is.  When I discovered how my promise to Ashley had backfired on me, I felt like God had just winked at me.  Let me be very clear on this - I do not lie to Marla.  I contend the one time I did lie was the result of Cosmic Trickery.  Considering the damage caused by the trivial Ashley Rumor was magnified way beyond its importance, God had tipped His hand by writing a story too far-fetched to believe.  Involving Marla was the key.  Hearing the Ashley Rumor set her up to become an unwitting player in God's scripted event.  Indeed, she knew her lines well.  As Marla raked me over the coals, it blew my mind to be punished for the crime of protecting a secret I could care less about.  Given how vulnerable she felt, I could very easily have lost Marla over telling this lie.

Communication breakdowns in Romance are famous in literature, the most notable example being Romeo and Juliet.  Through no fault of their own, coincidence and poor judgment caused the star-crossed lovers to jump to the wrong conclusion with tragic consequences.   In my case, thanks to Ashley's big mouth, I too jumped to the wrong conclusion.  The consequence was being forced to endure a great deal of suffering during my Dark Night of the Soul.  Fortunately, my story turned out for the best, but that did not mean I was done thinking about it.  There were lessons to be learned, I was sure of it.  There was one mystery that was never resolved.  Why did Marla and I both overreact so strongly that night?  Why were we both convinced the other person was up to no good?  Marla and I see eye to eye on virtually everything.  However, there are two aspects to the story we have never been able to agree on.  

First, I told Marla she was wrong to walk away from me as I spoke to Douglas and Jaime about their wedding dance.  I say she went too far.  Marla disagrees.  She says I was rude to turn my back to her in the first place.  I say she over-reacted and Marla denies it.  Second, Marla denies flirting with Darren in the dining room.  I always disagree.  I insist that Marla went too far with her flirting.  Marla claims she did no such thing, she was merely acting.  It was my own fault that overreacted like I did.  Why couldn't I see this? 

Then one day I began to see our disagreement in a different light.  The word that shifted my concentration was 'Overreact'. 

 

"All the World's a Stage, and all the men and women are merely players.  They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts."  -- W. Shakespeare

Most people read Shakespeare's quote with Reality in mind.  We all have our assigned roles in life and we speak words associated with our roles and our interactions with other players.  However, Aldous Huxley, the man who wrote Doors of Perception, had a different take.  He interpreted this quote as evidence of Shakespeare's interest in Mysticism.     

Aldous Huxley was a celebrated English writer who was nominated for the Nobel Literature Prize seven times.  In his later days, Huxley wrote extensively about Mysticism.  On his death bed, Huxley dictated an essay concerning the mystical views of William Shakespeare.  Huxley suggested Shakespeare tipped his hand in plays such as the Tempest and Midsummer Night's Dream by referencing the Hidden World.  Huxley stated that Shakespeare believed in 'Maya', the Eastern concept that states Reality is but an Illusion.  'Maya' connotes a magic show, an illusion where the things we see appear to be real and present, but are not what they seem.  'Maya' is the mist which prevents us from seeing the Hidden World that parallels Reality.

"In the Tempest, Prospero enunciates the doctrine of Maya.  The world is an illusion, but it is an illusion we must take seriously, because it is real as far as it goes, and in those aspects of the reality which we are capable of apprehending.  Our business is to wake up.  We have to find ways in which to detect the whole of reality in the one illusory part which our self-centered consciousness permits us to see. 

We must not live thoughtlessly, mistaking our illusion for the complete reality, but at the same time we must not live too thoughtfully in the sense of trying to escape from the dream state.  We must continually be on watch for ways in which we may enlarge our consciousness.  We must not attempt to live outside the world, which is given us, but we must somehow learn how to transform it and transfigure it.  One must find a way of being in this world while not being of it."   -- Aldous Huxley, Shakespeare and Religion
 

The point Huxley was driving at was that we need to keep one foot in what is commonly referred to as Reality, but be sure to keep the other foot in the awareness that we may very well be performers in a script written before we were even born.   According to Huxley, 'Fate' involves acting out predetermined roles in life.  To me, Huxley is saying some, if not all, events are predetermined.

I combined this thought with Huxley's belief that our minds are clouded at certain times. 

"If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite.  For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern."  -- William Blake

Putting two and two together, Huxley and I appear to be on the same page.  There is Fate and our minds are deceived by Illusion.  It is my theory that our minds are periodically tampered with in order for us to experience said Fate.  But can I prove it?  No.  But I can suggest it and let the Reader make up his or her own mind.

This leads me back to Cosmic Blindness.  Marla claims I jumped to the wrong conclusion. 

"I was not flirting with Darren!  That's all in your mind.  I refused to let you know how much you had hurt me."

Marla was right... I did overreact to her acting job with Darren.  No doubt about it.  Watching her laugh and smile with Darren, I went totally off the Deep End once I returned to my room.  But here is my point.  What if I saw something I was meant to see?  Marla claimed it was all an act and it should not be so difficult to see what she was up to.  So I blame Marla and Marla blames me.  But what if neither of us was to blame?  What if I was supposed to see Marla falling for another guy?  What I am driving at is the possibility that our minds have filters, that we see 'things through narrow chinks of our cavern'. 

The question is: Where do those filters come from?   Psychology says those filters are a product of our insecurities.  Maybe so, but what if those filters are externally placed in our mind to create 'The Illusion'?  That is the whole point of this discussion.

I claim Marla had no business leaving my side while I spoke to Douglas and Jaime.  Marla later explained she left without me because I had failed to ask her to dinner.  Huh?  We had spent seven hours together last night.  10 minutes ago we had danced together as close as humanly possible.  Now I was standing right next to her in the dinner line.  The only reason I left her side was when Doug and Jaime distracted me.  Hmm.  Another interesting coincidence.  Did they receive a message to go pull me away from Marla? 

The fact of the matter is that I thought Marla was rude.  How exactly was I supposed to know Marla expected me to ask permission to dine with her?  But she claims I was rude.  At this point, it does not matter who is right.  I now understand the real reason Marla deserted me was related to her fear about Ashley, Jill, and a cast of unknown women she perceived me to be chasing.  Except that I wasn't chasing anyone but Marla.  Marla's perception was 180° wrong.  But it was not her fault, was it?  Marla had been tricked by the Ashley Coincidence into seeing things inaccurately.  And I was tricked into thinking Marla was gaga over Darren.  I claim our Doors of Perception were deliberately manipulated.  Marla's mind was clouded by misperception over Ashley and Jill.  Rick's mind was clouded by misperception over Darren.  Lies, Coincidence, Drama, Poor Judgment.  The entire misunderstanding was so Romeo and Juliet. 

From where I stand, we base our actions on our perception of each situation.  But who among us have ever considered at least some of our perceptions may be controlled beyond our awareness?

If I am correct, this is a profound, rather frightening proposal because it implies we may have made our worst decisions based on false information.  Susan marries Blake after failing to take the suicide of his first wife seriously.  Captain Smith drives the Titanic straight into a known ice field full speed in the dark.  How could a seasoned professional do something so stupid?  Napoleon keeps chasing the Russian army despite growing low on food and Winter at his doorstep.  Napoleon assumes there is plenty of food waiting for him in Moscow.  Only one problem.  The Russians burn down Moscow.  Hitler invades Russia knowing full well what happened to Napoleon.  Only one problem.  Stalin slows down the Wehrmacht advance by sacrificing countless Russian soldiers.  The resulting delay allows Winter, the Russian's not-so-secret weapon, to defeat the Germans. 

The strange thing about Hitler's mistake is that he was warned by the German High Command that this invasion was a very bad idea.  Say what you will about the Third Reich, but there were some seriously intelligent people surrounding Hitler.  These men were no fools.  So how was it possible for every high-ranking military strategist to see the risk involved, but not Hitler?  Why was he so Blind????

Typically when something terrible happens, invariably someone was asleep at the wheel.  Frequently this same person has been warned, but fails to heed the warning.  He is a Fool, an ignorant person who does not listen.  Now, thanks to a total collapse of all common sense, our Fool goes out and does something senseless.  Then comes the tragedy.  Now aware of his colossal error, the Fool spends the rest of his life wondering how he could have ever been so stupid.  "What was I thinking?"  Guilt, remorse, and punishment ensue. 

The field of Psychology tries very hard to explain how we can be so blind, but have you ever considered there might be a completely different explanation?  What if we are Blind simply because we had no choice in the matter?  What if we are fed the wrong information and deceived into thinking these thoughts are our own?  Have any of us ever considered our Doors of Perception may have been deliberately fogged in order to manipulate us into taking the wrong turn at the worst time?

If I am right, the concept of 'Guilt' takes on a new dimension.  No doubt Captain Smith felt guilty as he watched the Titanic slowly sink to its doom.  No doubt Napoleon felt guilty as he led his starving army out of Russia in the freezing winter.  No doubt Rick felt guilty knowing he had made a helpless child miserable by conducting an affair with his mother.  No doubt Rick felt guilty knowing his actions had hurt the woman's husband, a good man who had done nothing to deserve this lousy fate. 

But what if Captain Smith, Napoleon and Rick were driven to make incorrect decisions due to erroneous ideas planted in our mind?  That possibility completely changes one's outlook on life.  Once we see our mistakes in this much different way, our approach to life should change accordingly.  In my case, I have forgiven myself for the worst mistake of my life.  No, I don't excuse what I did.  No, I don't avoid responsibility.  In my case, I remained at the woman's side for three years while she attempted to deal with disastrous consequences of her decision.  It was my way to atone.  But at the same time, I felt manipulated into this mistake by forces beyond my control. 

If Fate does exist, the implications are enormous.  Fate implies there is an unspeakable force far beyond what we know about 'Reality'.  The existence of Fate suggests there are rules to the Game of Life of which we are only dimly aware.  From the moment we learn to walk, we understand the power Gravity holds over our life.  I feel the same way about Fate, except the effects are far more subtle.  Few people have any idea what role Fate plays in our lives.  To begin with, the existence of Fate suggests we may not have as much 'Free Will' as we think we do.  No one wants to think of ourselves as a puppet on a string, but I have reached the conclusion there may be times when our thoughts and actions are not under our own control.  Marla and Rick may be speaking prerecorded messages. 

I understand the armchair psychologists will dismiss this line of thinking as convenient rationalization to avoid taking responsibility for our sins and mistakes.  But what if I am right? 

 
 
 


Magic Spells
 

Do Evil Spells really exist?  Yes, I think they do.  For three years Victoria was a lost soul.  She was a different person than the woman I met.  Then one day she suddenly regained her senses and went about undoing the damage.  The thing to understand is that sometimes the worst Fate can turn out well if you wait long enough.  For example, I was tossed from Graduate School.  Evil.  That opened the door to my dance career.  Good.  My father got shot in the hip by a sniper during the war.  Evil.  Half his company got wiped out in the Battle of the Bulge while Dad was safe in the hospital.  No doubt you see my point.  Good and Bad have a funny way of flip-flopping.   So rather than discuss Evil Spells, I would rather call them 'Magic Spells'.  I believe we all function from time to time under Spells imposed to guide us to our Fate.  Call them 'Divine Delusions', another way of saying Cosmic Blindness.  For a period of time, we are forced to see things in a way that seems foolish to others.   My reference to the Donkey comparison is a good example.

In this final chapter, I will make a case that our Perceptions can be affected in a way that causes us to fulfill our Life Script.  No one understands why typically healthy people suddenly exhibit self-destructive behavior.  All we know is that there are people we care about who for no obvious reason begin to wander around lost in their own mind.  Things get even more interesting when a so-called lost soul later returns to their senses.  Where did they go and how did they manage to come back?  The story of Victoria is my prime exhibit, but I also believe Marla and myself have suffered from Spells.  I will address that thought shortly.

Hardship comes to us all at some point, but why limit Evil Spells to Individuals?  I suppose Nations and Groups suffer mysterious up and downs as well.  We call it Evil, but maybe there is a purpose to war, poverty, hunger and disease.  As I said earlier, the fear of Evil goes back to the dawn of man.  And for good reason!  We all know there are dark mysteries for which we have no good answer.  Why were the Jews unable to recognize the Messiah?  Why do people use Religion to justify killing people who don't agree with them?  Why did so many people who call themselves Christians condone slavery?  Why would a civilized nation like Germany empower a monster like Hitler?

None of us understand Evil.  All we know is that we fear our powerlessness to prevent it.  The Greeks blamed Zeus.  The Bible blamed Satan.  Medieval folk blamed Witches.  Freud blamed the Unconscious.  I blame Fate.  When faced with Evil, we can run through Realistic explanations till we are blue in the face.  I say it all goes back to the Titanic.  If a ship is doomed to sink, you can use as many the theories to explain what happened as you want, but why make it so complicated?  Trust me, I understand 'Complicated'.  As one can see, I have gone to great lengths to demonstrate the multitude of bad omens and bad breaks that surrounded this tragic event.  However, in the end, it all boils down to Fate.  If Fate exists, then we have to accept there will be unavoidable Days of Darkness. 

Here is what I am getting at.  Maybe there is a purpose for Evil.  Suffering is a teacher of sorts.  Without Pain, would there ever be Progress?  I am hardly in favor of earthquakes, world wars and coronavirus, but perhaps Tragedy is just as much of the Plan as Miracles.  Sometimes the worst Fate turns out to be a blessing in disguise.  For example, we know the Pearl Harbor radar team fell asleep at the wheel.  But maybe the Japanese had their better judgment suspended as well.  Japanese Naval General Isoroku Yamamoto wrote in his diary: "I fear all we have done is awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve."

As our old friend Nietzsche would say, that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  World War II was responsible for turning the United States into the most powerful nation in the world.  Prior to the war, the U.S. Army had 180,000 soldiers, Germany had 4 million.  The U.S. Army was ranked 19th in the world behind Portugal.  That changed dramatically after Pearl Harbor.  U.S. industry was mobilized into action and immediately erased all memory of the Great Depression.  Forging closer ties with Britain, France, China, and Russia allowed the previously isolated U.S. to become a world leader in politics.  Race relations made a giant leap forward.  Women entered the workforce en masse.  Science made key innovations.  The list goes on.  It is disturbing to think a horror such as World War II had benefits, but in the case of the United States it certainly did. 

The point is that sometimes the worst luck is the best luck for Nations as well as individuals.  Or vice versa.  At some point, we all need to step back and wonder if the things that horrify us are part of a Plan that goes far beyond our capacity to understand. 

 

However, Jim's words 'Too Unbelievable' never left my mind.  I am stickler for Reality Testing just like everyone else.  Whenever a movie heads in a direction that is too absurd to believe, I turn the TV off.  The genius of Charles Dickens was his ability to gauge just how far he could push his Coincidence in each book, but Hollywood thinks it can break the rules.  Some of the endings for these predictable TV movies stretch the imagination to the breaking point.  Take Halloween for example.  Jamie Lee Curtis knows full well there is a murderer on the loose, but that doesn't stop her from behaving like a moron.  She enters a dark house and hollers, "Yoo hoo, is anybody here?  Where are you?"  Sure enough, the monster comes plodding, Jamie screams and I sit there rolling my eyes. 

The 2000 movie Gladiator had me mesmerized.  However, the final scene ruined everything.  The Roman Emperor decides to enter the arena and challenge the greatest warrior in the Empire to a duel and wins.  Granted, the Emperor has to cheat to win, but he is still taking an unbelievable risk.  The whole idea is beyond ludicrous.  Do I get in the ring with Muhammad Ali in a fight to the death?  Of course not!  To me, the ending of the Gladiator was an insult.

So I tell my friends this was the greatest movie with the worst ending in cinematic history.  With a better ending, the Gladiator might rival Ben Hur for my all-time favorite movie. 

Imagine my shock when someone pointed out this actually happened in Real Life.  Apparently the Roman Emperor Commodus, 161-192 AD, had a penchant for spectacle.  In his attempt to emulate the the Greek hero Hercules, Commodus fought many times as a gladiator in the Colosseum. 

Although I was embarrassed, I still was not satisfied.  There was something wrong and it did not take long to figure it out.  If they had put 'Based on a True Story' at the start, perhaps the ending would not have upset me so much.  However I doubt it would have helped for the simple reason that they twisted the facts to suit their purposes.  In Real Life, it was never a fair fight.  It was forbidden for Emperor Commodus to come to any real harm in the Colosseum.  Commodus invariably won every bout.

In The Gladiator, the greatest warrior in the Empire was thirsting for revenge.  He had a sword in his hand, nothing left to live for and his sworn enemy standing before him.  One suicidal lunge at his inferior opponent was all it would take to kill the monster.  But, typical Hollywood, they let the Emperor win.  Maybe those Hollywood script writers need to get off drugs and quit abusing our intelligence.
 
 


DOORS OF PERCEPTION
 

Jim Morrison drew the band's name from Doors of Perception, a book written by English author Aldous Huxley.  Huxley maintained that the human mind filters Reality.  I agree with Huxley's premise.  I have long wondered why no one can seem to see eye-to-eye on things that seem obvious to me.  I can understand confusion on complex issues such as Religion.  However it never ceases to amaze me how difficult it is to get people to see the light on issues that should be black and white.  How could there be any doubt on the issue of slavery?  How could so-called Christian people turn a Blind Eye to such an injustice?  It never ceases to amaze me how difficult it is to get a man to understand what is right when his income depends on not understanding it.

Aldous Huxley gave credit to poet William Blake as the inspiration for his views. 

"If the Doors of Perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite.  For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things through narrow chinks of his cavern."  -- William Blake

So where am I going with this?  I believe we all go through life saddled with various filters that shape our view of the world in a slanted way.  These filters may be temporary or they may last a lifetime.  Take for example the view that God condones slavery.  History shows countless people managed to go to church every Sunday and return home without a second thought that slavery might be wrong.  Now I don't know why God would allow these blinders to remain in place, but it seems clear that once a person makes up their mind, they defend that attitude till they are blue in the face.  "Do you really believe the Earth revolves around the sun?  Are you out of your mind?"

In my case, my scarred face has been the eternal curse of my life.  It does not matter that many people have said they don't see the scars.  They say my scars are easily overlooked, so I go take another look in the mirror.  I am instantly repulsed by the ridges and valleys.  If I am to believe my friends, I am a reasonably attractive guy.  However my own Perception is that I look awful.  No amount of persuasion has ever changed my mind.  Here late in life, I have a lovely wife, so if she is okay with my appearance, then I guess I can worry about something other than my vanity.  But deep inside, I still cannot look in a mirror without feeling sick in my stomach.

However there has been one significant change in my outlook.  It has occurred to me that maybe there is a deeper reason for my lifetime of acute sensitivity.  Speaking in Mystical terms, perhaps it is my Karma to be saddled with this poor self-image.  Psychology has many theories to explain how we perceive things and how we are conditioned to accept certain viewpoints.  But what if Psychology is guilty of trying too hard?  Maybe there is a simpler explanation.  Maybe it is Rick Archer's Fate to go through life thinking he is ugly.  For this to happen, perhaps God asked the Invisible Man to place this damaging thought in my mind along with a 'Do Not Remove' sign. 

 

I ask myself what would be the point of saddling me with this Negative Perception.  How has it affected my life?  I conclude my sense of ugliness has been directly responsible for the success of the dance career.  My desperation over my appearance is what led to dance lessons in the first place.  If I had the ability to look in the mirror and smile at what I see, I guarantee the Epic Losing Streak would not have lasted twenty years.  There would have been no dance career because my confidence would have allowed me to engage with attractive women in a normal way.

That said, no regrets.  Well, maybe a few.  I would love to see what I look like without the scars.  Be that as it may, I am grateful to have been given a very good life.  Here is my point.  I am about to take a closer look at the theory of Cosmic Blindness.  This theory postulates that we are all subject to having our mind filtered at various points in our life.  As we shall see, Cosmic Blindness serves as the cornerstone of Marla's Gypsy Prophecy.  For this reason, I wish to discuss this controversial subject in greater detail. 

 

As Mark Twain and Charles Dickens observed, Fiction is limited by the need to sell books that are believable.  If an author strays too far from the typical human experience, he risks a loss of credibility.  However, God doesn't need to sell books.  Not only that, maybe God gets bored.  God has been writing life scripts for so long, who can blame him if he pens a whopper from time to time?  When God cooks up a wild story, how does He persuade his Actors to do his bidding?  Telepathic Suggestions which may include Cosmic Blindness.

Mrs. Ballantyne and I became friends later in life.  In fact, we became so close that I added her biography to my first book.  Not once in all our conversations did Mrs. Ballantyne explain what she was doing in my out-of-the-way grocery store that day.  When I asked her about it, she shrugged and answered, "I don't know."  I was fit to be tied!  What kind of answer is that?  Here we have the most remarkable coincidence of my life, a Miracle given the circumstances, and my hero doesn't have a clue why she dropped by.
 
 


Blindness Story One: A Driver Strikes a Little Girl
 

How crazy is it that a person's life can be totally ruined by a mistake?  One afternoon in 1984 I turned onto a long street with a car in front of me.  Both cars were going 30 mph.  My house was at the end of the street, so my familiarity reminded me to be careful.  There was a run-down apartment project populated with illegal immigrants.  There were a lot of unsupervised kids, so I always kept an eye out.

At the apartment project ahead, there were lots of cars parked tight along the sidewalk.  I could not see, but I suspected there were kids playing on the sidewalk.  So I slowed down even more.  Suddenly a girl, age 8, darted between two parked cars to chase a ball.  The man in front of me hit the brakes, but sure enough his car smacked the girl pretty hard and sent her flying.  The girl wasn't killed, but she was hurt.  Hearing the girl's cries of pain, out of nowhere twenty adults materialized.  Where had they been when it mattered?  Some comforted the girl while others screamed bloody murder at the guy.  This poor man was definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Seeing the man cower in terror, I got out of my car and told everyone the man had not been speeding and never had a chance.  The presence of a witness made all the difference.  The adults were still upset, but at least now they were willing to wait in sullen peace for the police and the ambulance.  Kind of funny I was there to bail him out.  If I hadn't seen what happened, those people were ready to lynch the guy.  Imagine what it would be like to make ONE MISTAKE and have it ruin your entire life. 

As I drove home, I could not get a certain idea out of my mind.  I had been watching and saw the accident develop.  If I could anticipate what might happen, then why didn't that man anticipate it too?  I could not help but wonder if he had been distracted by the Invisible Man to look the wrong way at the worst possible time. 

 

A lot of people say they would like to believe in Reincarnation, but fail to do so because the concept is not supported in the Bible.  When people who believe in Reincarnation hear that, they immediately contend that Reincarnation was once part of the Bible, but was removed at a certain point in history.  Oh really?  I have no way to know what the truth is, so I won't argue one way or the other. 

There are those who claim veiled references to Reincarnation can still be found in the Bible.  One example often cited is a verse from John that implies Jesus was eternal having lived before. 

"The Jews said unto him, 'Thou art not yet fifty years old, and thou hast seen Abraham?'

Jesus said unto them, 'Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I am.'"  
  -- John (8:58)

The Jews had good reason to upset.  Abraham had been dead for two thousand years, so how could Jesus claim to have seen him?

Some say Jesus was referring to Reincarnation, others say Jesus was saying that because he was Divine, he had been around forever.

Whose interpretation is correct??  How am I supposed to know?  Visit ten churches with ten different preachers and you will get ten different answers on what Jesus meant in this passage.  Ever since Jesus walked the earth, people have been arguing about what Jesus really meant to say on this, that and the other thing.  No one ever wins the argument and half the time someone gets their feelings hurt because they can't get someone to agree with them even though they are certain they must be right. 

Unfortunately, since Jesus had a way of explaining things in obscure ways that led to misunderstanding, there is much confusion regarding the Bible.  This vague reference to Abraham is a perfect example.  While some claim this passage supports their claim that Jesus was referring to Reincarnation, from where I stand the reply is ambiguous. 
 
 

My theory is Mrs. Ballantyne's intuition sensed I would continue to write about her, so she wanted to share as much of her life story as she could whenever she go the chance.  I loved listening to her, but I did have one strong regret.  I was dying to know if Mrs. Ballantyne shared my belief that Fate had brought us together.  Unfortunately, Mrs. Ballantyne possessed such a powerful personality, she never stopped talking.  Not once did I find a natural opening I could use to broach such a sensitive topic.  Nor was I willing to interrupt her due to my profound respect.  Finally I decided it didn't matter.  I was just glad to be worthy of this special woman's trust. 

As one can gather, these random meetings had sown the seeds for my future book.  After I retired from the dance studio, I began writing. When it came time to find a title, A Simple Act of Kindness was automatic.  No other title was seriously considered.  When I published the book on the Internet in 2015, I was pleased to find my story about Mrs. Ballantyne continued to inspire people. 

One day a friend of mine named Keller pulled me aside.  After reading my book on the Internet, he had some questions for me.  Keller loved the story, but had trouble accepting Mrs. Ballantyne had shown up at the grocery store by accident.  Feeling skeptical, Keller was convinced something 'Realistic' had tipped her off to come to my rescue.  Consequently every time Keller crossed my path at the studio, he suggested another plausible reason that might offer a believable explanation for this amazing coincidence. 

For example, maybe Mr. Salls had asked Mrs. Ballantyne to drop by the grocery store to let me know I would be receiving a different scholarship.  Or maybe Katina had seen my long face in class and told her mother I could really use some encouragement.  You should have seen the look on Keller's face when I pointed out Mrs. Ballantyne had no idea I worked at that store.  Nor did Mrs. Ballantyne have any idea who I was when she stopped me in the parking lot.  For that matter, if Mrs. Ballantyne did know something, it would have been easier to simply pull me aside at school.  It drove Keller crazy each time I explained why his latest theory did not fit the facts. 

Mrs. Ballantyne and I had an unusual relationship.  I only met with her six times in my life and each meeting was intense.   

Finally Keller gave up. 

"Rick, I have racked my brains to think of some logical reason why Mrs. Ballantyne showed up when she did, but I've hit a dead end.  It makes no sense that the mother of the girl who beat you out for that scholarship was the same person who came to your aid.  It also makes no sense that she would appear at your store when she did.  The timing was incredible.  Even more incredible was her decision to single you out for what sounds like Divine Intervention."

Keller paused for a moment, then continued. 

"Since there appears to be no Realistic explanation for her sudden appearance, one of two things is true.  Either Mrs. Ballantyne showed up totally by accident or God put her there.  Which one do you think it is?"

"I think God put her there to rescue me."

Keller frowned.  "But you didn't say that in your story."

Feeling embarrassed, I confessed the truth.  "I know.  I was afraid of what people would say.  But I don't mind confiding in you that I believe Mrs. Ballantyne was sent for a reason."

Keller nodded.  "I think so too.  If what you tell me is the truth, I bet someone guided her to your side.  Incidentally, that was the most far-fetched story I have ever read.  You are asking me to believe the same woman you hero-worshipped for nine years magically appeared at the moment of your greatest need.  If I didn't know you personally, I wouldn't believe it."

I smiled.  "I don't blame you.  The way I see it, if a story is too good to be true, either someone is fibbing or Charles Dickens wrote it." 

Keller laughed.  "I have a better idea.  Forget Charles Dickens, I think God wrote that story.  God writes crazy stories.  How else do you suppose the Bible became the all-time bestseller?"
 

Keller's curiosity amused me.  What Keller did not know was that back in 1968 I asked myself the same questions every day for an entire month.  I told no one, not even Mr. Curran.  I figured no one would ever believe this story.  Be that as it may, I was deeply shaken up.  One thought in particular dominated every waking moment...  Was this a Miracle? 

Indeed, my 1968 parking lot conversation has impacted me for my entire life.  It is the strongest evidence I have ever witnessed that unseen hands were involved.  The entire reason I began to ask questions about Fate and Karma can be traced directly to my intense curiosity over possible explanations for Mrs. Ballantyne's sudden appearance at such a critical moment.  I have found myself examining every angle of that meeting ever since.  Does God exist?  Back then, I asked that question every day.  Blind Faith is not in my nature.  Although I want to believe in the existence of God, I am the kind of person whose Faith requires evidence.  Considering the astronomical odds against the appearance of Mrs. Ballantyne that afternoon, I believed I had the evidence I needed right before me.

 

Although the series of unusual coincidences in my life can hardly be considered definitive proof of the existence of God, I must say the coincidence of Mrs. Ballantyne's appearance has made me acutely open-minded to the possibility.

Let's have some fun with this.  Let's pretend Charles Dickens gets hold of my story and spices it up a bit with a touch of A Christmas Carol thrown in.

"Rick is alone in his room.  After four years of High School Hell, he refuses to get out of bed until the world tells him it is sorry.  It is midnight and the demons of his Senior year make their presence known.  His father doesn't love him.  He was an idiot to cheat on that German test.  God has just taught him a painful lesson by sending Bob to catch him.  After Rick loses the scholarship, he has no way to go to college next year.  He is full of despair because Mr. Salls despises him. 

It doesn't get much worse than this.  Rick is so miserable he is overwhelmed with George Bailey-style thoughts of suicide when suddenly an Angel appears before him in a blinding flash

"Rick, I am your Guardian Angel and I am deeply worried about you.  Brooding like this in the dark is not good for you.  You are so consumed with self-pity and self-hatred that I think you are about to go off the deep end.  I am empowered to help you by granting one wish.  If I were to send one person to help you deal with your problems, who would it be?  You can choose anyone you want."

It doesn't take long for Rick to come up with an answer. 

"I need someone who has the wisdom and talent to restore my courage.  Over the past nine years, I have identified a woman I consider to be the finest mother on earth.  Please ask Maria Ballantyne to visit me.  And ask her to hurry."


A Closer Look at the Supernatural List
 
   007

Suspicious

 Coincidence
Unlucky Break		  1963
  Boy Scout Debacle.  Mr. Curran's suggestion backfires when a serious illness at Boy Scout camp leads to Invisibility at Rick's school
   002

Serious

 Coincidence  1955
  Rick's sudden impulse to play arcade game saves Rick and his father from Death at Stock Car accident
 


Rick Archer's Note: 

Perhaps the Reader questions the inclusion of the Boy Scout Debacle on my List of Supernatural Events.  If so, this would be a good time to explain why some Events are 'Serious' while others are 'Suspicious'.

25% of the Events on my List are so far out of the ordinary, I cannot think of a logical Reality-based Explanation.  For example, there I am, a little boy of 5, walking along with my father.  Suddenly I see an arcade game.  This game is So Interesting that I stop cold in my tracks.  Not just that, I grab my father's arm to prevent him from walking past this intensely interesting game.  As we argue, seconds later a giant race car comes hurtling past us, missing us by three feet.  The brief delay has saved our lives.  This was a Serious Event.   

The other 75% of the Events on my List contain room for doubt.  Take, for example, the Boy Scout Debacle.  It rained, it was cold, and I got sick.  Nothing suspicious there.  Mark was kind enough to offer me a ride home.  Nothing suspicious there.  Too groggy to remember to play my deception game, I thoughtlessly gave the correct address to the driver.  Nothing suspicious there.  I slept the whole way home.  Nothing suspicious there.  Mark shared my secret with his buddies who in turn spread the word.  Again, not suspicious. 

So what makes this Event even remotely 'Supernatural'?   The degree of Impact, the scorched earth devastation to my self-esteem which arose from an incident that should been inconsequential.  As we shall see, this was a life-altering event. 

I have a favorite saying, Time will Tell.  With the Serious Events, frequently the Impact is known immediately.  Not so with Suspicious Events.  A problem with Coincidence is that typically no one knows what the Impact will be when the Event occurs.  This is why so many Coincidences are overlooked.  More often, it is only through Hindsight that the importance of an Event becomes clear.  That is why I consider it a blessing to write this book at an advanced age.  As Soren Kierkegaard said, Life must be lived forwards, but it can only be understood backwards.  If my 7th Grade ostracism had remained an isolated event, sure, I would have forgotten about it and moved on.  But it was NOT an isolated event.  This was my Fort Sumter, the opening barrage in an upcoming series of humiliating events. 

Life can only be understood backwards.   Unaware that Mark's decision to share my secret would lead to a serious downturn in my fortunes, I never thought in terms of Fate when it occurred.  However, 50 years later when I began to write my book, the Impact of this Event was now clear.  At that point, I added the Boy Scout Debacle to my List and placed it in the 'Suspicious' category. 

Now I would like to ask my Reader a question.  Do you think some of my stories are 'Weird'?  Do you find yourself asking if a story really happened that way?  Did Rick let his imagination get carried away? 

Here is an example of what I mean by a 'Weird' story.  I am not sure if it is possible to convey just how unusual it was for me to be accepted into St. John's, but I will try.  My acceptance into St. John's was a small miracle.  Talk about a Stranger in a Strange Land!  What was I even doing here?  To this day I consider it a Cosmic Fluke of the highest magnitude that a kid from an impoverished, highly dysfunctional home went to a school like St. John's for nine years.  I understand that rich people have problems too, but rarely as profound as mine.  Just the act of getting into this school was mind-boggling. 

The reason I was tested by the psychiatrist was due to my parents' incompetence.  They were too stupid to figure out their constant screaming was directly responsible for my poor performance in school.  Then they compounded their ignorance by seeking proof that I was intelligent.  It just so happened their psychiatrist had his two boys enrolled at St. John's and had seen them thrive.  And so he recommended they give the place a try.  When my father saw the price tag, he said forget it.  Not in a million years.

There were 50 students in my class.  Who knows what the exact acceptance rate was, but 1 in 20 sounds about right.  The demand was high because St. John's had the enviable reputation as the top academic school in the city.  Indeed, St. John's offered the best education money could buy.  Only one problem... no one could buy their way in.  Well aware of the value, the cream of Houston society had a line of children a mile long trying to get into this school.  However, St. John's was so exclusive, money didn't matter.  I offer as proof the rumor that a certain President of the United States was said to have been turned down for a coveted spot.  Considering he and I were the same age, maybe this was one of those rare moments in life when the Pauper got the only spot left instead of the Prince.  Sounds like a story Mark Twain might have written.  Except that Mark Twain's stories are more believable. 

This scenario is already strange enough, but why stop there?  My father could not afford this place.  That is the truth.  However his desire to marry his mistress was so great, he was willing to knuckle under to my mother's demand and accept the burden of paying full tuition for three years.  Once the Mistress discovered my father had locked them into three years of hardship, she was so spiteful that she took it out on me.  And so I went hurtling into the toughest school in the city without a safety net and have the scars to show for it. 

Who writes a strange story like this?  Mark Twain?  Charles Dickens?  The point here is that I often have trouble believing my own stories.  That includes the Boy Scout Debacle.  So I get sick during a campout and expect a little bit of sympathy when I return to school.  Instead I am greeted by a Universal Cold Shoulder.  To me, that is highly Improbable.  And yet it is not Impossible. 

Since there were Realistic explanations for my sudden isolation, I could not be sure whether this Event was indicative of Fate in action or just one of those things.  Do you see my point?  When things are out of the ordinary and we feel that vague unease, do we shrug it off or do we take it seriously?  My compromise is to label an Event 'Suspicious', put it on the List as a reminder, then watch what happens next.  In this case, the consequence was so catastrophic, I left the Boy Scout Debacle on the List. 

Standing alone, the Boy Scout Debacle is not unusual enough to be considered proof of Fateful Intervention.  However, when I line up all my Lucky Breaks, Unlucky Breaks, Acts of Kindness, the sheer number of unusual situations makes me want to scratch my head.  As I continue to add further Suspicious Events to the List, one begins to see the persuasive strength in numbers. 

The upshot of this event was a devastating loss of self-esteem.  It was the birth of the giant chip on my shoulder.  Everyone I knew had it better than me, even those two boys who were slightly better off than me.  Okay, so I'm not good enough to be part of the In-Crowd.  That happens to a lot of people, not just me.  But I was so angry over being excluded, from this day forward I developed a powerful desire to prove to my classmates... or at the very least to myself... that I was just as good as they were.  Only one problem... easier said than done.   Indeed, as we shall see, my entire life would become dominated by a lifelong ambition to overcome the shyness, insecurity and fear of rejection that originated during this period. 

We all know that Life is not always Fair.  I am absolutely convinced I was set up by the Force of Fate to endure this Hardship.  And why would that be?  My theory is that Adversity comes to us all.  I agree with Nietzsche when he said that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  In the long run, the struggle to overcome my admitted lack of social skills would one day pay off in a sensational way.  Later in life I would take the difficult lessons learned during my Hardship phase and use them to build the biggest dance studio in America. 

But in the meantime, I made a giant mess of my life.

 

Are you fond of irony?  During English class in my Senior year, we concentrated on the novels of Charles Dickens.  I identified closely with Oliver Twist, the orphan who rose from poverty due to the kindness of strangers.  However, I laughed with scorn at Great Expectations. 

The plot revolved around Pip, like Oliver Twist an orphan.  Pip grows up in very poor circumstances and has nothing to his name.  However, thanks to the kindness of a person who refuses to be identified, Pip is magically handed the gift of an excellent education. 

Pip believes that Miss Havisham is his benefactor.  Pip saw the lawyer Jaggers at Miss Havisham's house, she has lots of money, she has already helped out Estella, and Miss Havisham does not correct Pip's assumption.  So imagine our surprise when we find an escaped convict named Magwitch is Pip's Unseen Benefactor.  We would have never guessed.  Pip met Magwitch once in his life and was nice to enough to give the man some bread to eat.

I recall being irritated with Charles Dickens.  He had deliberately led us to believe that strange Miss Havisham was responsible for the remarkable donation that allowed Pip to chase his dreams  Now we are forced to accept that an obscure convict had somehow became exceedingly wealthy and, based on a timely loaf of bread, decided to assist a nobody kid like Pip.  Surely a writer of Dickens' talent could write a more believable ending. 

Typical Charles Dickens, the guy who was overly fond of using preposterous Coincidences to advance his surprise endings.  Only Charles Dickens could think of a plot twist so ridiculous that a young man goes through life without the slightest idea who his true benefactor is. 

We all know this sort of thing never happens in Real Life, don't we?  Maybe this is why they say Truth is stranger than Fiction.  When I say it took me 40 years to figure it out, I am completely serious. 

 

Although we like to say that everyone is born with certain skills, I would like to add that sometimes we are born WITHOUT certain skills.  For some damn reason, I lacked the slightest bit of taste when it came to clothing.  I was rudely introduced to my shortcoming at age 13, but the problem had existed for years.  Thanks to a scholarship, I was allowed to attend an exclusive private school here in Houston for nine years.  The yearly tuition at St. John's was very expensive, so by and large my classmates were the sons and daughters of extremely wealthy families.  There were a few middle class kids at SJS, but I was far and away the poorest kid at a Rich Kids School.  

 

By the time I reached high school I felt like a stranger in a strange land.  My broken home contributed to my sense of alienation.  My mother had so many problems of her own, she was unable to teach me even the most basic fundamentals of social grace.  Meanwhile the sons and daughters of wealthy scions received excellent training in etiquette, decorum and proper clothing.

For some reason as I grew older I realized I was being invited to fewer social events such as swimming parties, birthday parties, sleepovers, backyard basketball games and so on.  Over time my increasing isolation got to me and I turned into a socially awkward loner.  Once the acne attack turned me into the ugliest kid in school, any thoughts of dating would have to wait till college.  

I sensed my exclusion had been triggered by the unspoken caste system that existed at St. John's.  However, since the administration used mandatory matching uniforms to disguise the middle class kids from the upper class kids, I wondered how my fellow students could have figured out that I was the poor kid. 

It was my lack of common sense regarding clothes that betrayed me.  I have picture from my Senior year of high school that says it all.  Take note of the white socks and pants that are way too short.  Since the subject of clothing became a real sore spot later in life, I still die a million deaths every time I see this picture.

In the long run it was my lack of social polish that doomed me with my sophisticated classmates.  However, it was my clothing that first tipped them off.  Even though we technically wore the same uniform, it never dawned on me that the difference in quality of what I wore and what everyone else wore gave me away.  They always say a man's shoes are the quickest way to determine a person's social standing and no doubt that maxim applied to me.  However, it was my tendency to wear white socks that put the final knife in my back. 

 

I did not catch a lot of breaks as a kid.  In addition to my father's abandonment and my mother's inability to keep a job, I had this serious acne problem to deal with.  My misfortune did not stop there.  Since I was an excellent athlete, I could very easily have made friends through sports.  However it never came to pass.  At age 5 I had cut my left eye with a knife (it was my own fault).  Due to my blind eye, the coaches refused to let me take a chance of getting hurt playing football or basketball.

Dying to participate in some way or the other, I offered to keep yardage statistics for the varsity football team.  This explains why I boarded the bus along with the football team on the day we began a 400 mile bus trip to Oklahoma City.  We were scheduled to play Casady, one of our biggest rivals.  I was 13 and had just started the 9th Grade.  Due to my status as a non-athlete, I was the last person to get on the bus for the long trip.

Everyone else was already seated and pumped up. They were raring to go!  As I began my solitary stroll down the aisle, I was wearing black pants, black shoes, and white socks.  In my defense, no one had ever bothered to explain the basic facts of color coordination.  There was this one kid named Gary who had the biggest mouth in school.  When he spotted me walk down the aisle in search of an empty seat, he went nuts over my inappropriate white socks.   Roaring with derisive laughter, he pointed out my fashion mistake to every boy on the bus.  On the spot, Gary made up a rhyme... "White Socks, Dumb Ox!"   Since the other boys were already jacked up with enthusiasm, this struck them as funny.  On cue the whole pack picked up the chant and jeered as one. 

The rhythmic chanting irritated me to the depths of my soul.  Fortunately the coach them to knock it off, so they did.  But the damage was done.  I fumed all the way to Oklahoma.  Thank goodness my hotel roommate loaned me an extra pair of black socks.  But the damage was done.  I didn't have much self-esteem to begin with and this event left me bitter and helpless.  Afterwards I developed a chip on my shoulder regarding my poor taste in clothing that never properly healed.  And so the scene is set for a most unusual story.

 
 


DISCO ODYSSEY:  LAURA WILKINSON

 
Laura Wilkinson was another person who helped me better understand the relationship between ability and God's Will.  Like Eric, Laura possessed great natural ability.  So when Laura won a gold medal at the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney, I attributed this success to Laura, not to God.  To my surprise, Laura disagreed and said so publicly. 

For reasons unknown to me at the time, I took a special interest in a diver named Laura Wilkinson, age 22.  When I first began to watch Laura, she was in eighth place.  Or should I say 'Last Place'?  Due to a bad start, the commentators stressed how little chance Laura had against the talented women on the Chinese diving team.  Without coming right out and saying it, things were hopeless.  Considering I was rooting for the USA, I could have quit watching and fast-forwarded the videotape to the next sport.  However, just before the commercial break, one of announcers pointed to a tennis shoe Laura was wearing and mentioned she was competing with a broken foot. 

That was the moment I began to pay attention.  Now I was curious, so I kept watching.  I liked Laura's smile.  She might be an underdog, but Laura had a quiet confidence about her.  No, I'm not making this up.  I could tell by her expression that she was determined to do the best she could despite her poor start.  I admire people who refuse to quit. 

I did not know it at the time, but Laura was not quite the underdog the announcers made her out to be.  According to a Sports Illustrated article I read after the Olympics, Laura was a two-time NCAA champion and the 1998 Goodwill Games Gold medalist in platform diving.  After that success, Laura set her goal on winning the 2000 Olympic gold medal.  That is when disaster struck.  Six months before the 2000 Games, while practicing a dive off the side of the pool, Laura struck both feet on the wood block she jumped from.  She fractured one bone in her left foot and three bones in her right foot.  Ordinarily Laura would have had surgery.  However, since the Olympic Trials were only three months away, she chose instead to put her right foot in a cast. 

As Laura later recounted, "I had no idea if my right foot was going to heal well enough to dive off it.  It did not look good.  To dive well, I have to be able to jump.  But how do I jump with a broken foot?  I was in three different casts for 10 weeks and I was crazy with worry.  But I did not want to wait four more years.  If I had any chance of competing, I had no choice but to take this risky short-cut."

Laura's foot healed just enough to qualify for the Olympic team, but it was a close call.  The pain was there and due to a lack of practice she had yet to regain her previous form.  Three months later at the Sydney Games her foot still throbbed and Laura faced a strong Chinese team.  During the Olympics Laura was forced to climb the tall platform ladder wearing a tennis shoe to protect her mangled foot.  It was an unusual sight to see her remove her shoe on the platform high above before preparing to dive. 

So where did Laura stand?  Laura was steady if not spectacular through the preliminary rounds.  Eight divers are allowed to compete in the Finals.  Of the eight who made the Finals, Laura was middle of the pack, finishing fifth.  I am not sure, but I believe the scores were reset at this point.  Unfortunately, due to a bad first dive at the start of the Finals, Laura fell to eighth, last place.  Lagging 25 points behind the leader, Sang Xue from China, Laura's position was fairly hopeless in a sport where a lead of 1 point is significant.

Wilkinson’s next dive was steady, earning scores like 8 and 8.5.  However the divers ahead of her were scoring 9s.  At this point, Laura faced another distraction when the batteries died in her portable CD player.  Relying heavily on music to calm her nerves between rounds, for a moment Laura panicked at the loss. 

"Then I started laughing.  Next up was the most important moment in my life and here I was panicking over a silly music problem.  Realizing I was about to perform my favorite dive, a reverse two-and-a-half somersault tuck, my confidence returned."

When Laura nailed the dive, the commentator was impressed.  "Laura Wilkinson entered the water knife-straight with barely a ripple!"  The judges agreed.  Laura had just scored the highest points of any dive in the competition, four 9.5s. 

Meanwhile, her competitors faltered badly on the same round, allowing Laura to move into a narrow lead.  This was good, but it was also bad.  Laura began to freak out because it was added pressure to know she had a real shot at this.  Unfortunately her next dive was the one she had been practicing when she broke her foot.  Adding to her fear, she would have to push really hard off the ball of her broken foot this dive to succeed.

 

As Laura climbed the platform, she faced her fear.

"It dawned on me that this wasn’t just my dream.  This was about so many more people who have this dream but never have this opportunity.  I had all these teammates who helped me when my foot was broken.  They were so supportive of me.  I knew it wasn’t about me anymore.  This moment became so much bigger.  At this point, I felt this power behind me that made all the difference."

Laura's inward two-and-a-half somersault pike was close to perfect.  However, Li Na, another Chinese diver, recovered from her poor previous dive and stayed within two points.  But it was not enough.  On the last dive Laura held off Na by 1.74 points.  Laura had won the first U.S. gold in platform diving in 36 years.

After her surprising victory, Laura was incredibly humble.  To this day, I will never forget what she said to the commentator.  When asked to explain the reasons for her victory, Laura said, "All Glory must be Given to God.  All things are possible thanks to Him."
 
I raised a serious eyebrow at that point.  While I appreciated Laura's humble demeanor, what she said made me scoff.  It seemed to me Laura Wilkinson had won through her own efforts.  Not only did she possess the talent necessary to achieve success in the World of Diving on her own, she had refined her skills through years of practice.  Why wouldn't she take direct credit for her victory?

I had trouble seeing what Laura meant due to my own situation.  I had no business succeeding in a profession where an instructor is expected to have natural dancing ability.  Furthermore, I had succeeded in a business where people skills are important.  Let us not forget I had been tossed from graduate school due to social ineptitude.  Lacking dance ability and charm, there was no doubt in my mind that I had only succeeded thanks to God's help. 

But Laura was a different story.  I had always assumed that people like Eric and Laura succeed because they possess natural talent.  It had never dawned on me that even people who possess great ability give thanks to God.  In Laura's mind, yes, she had talent, but it was 'God-given' talent and she felt an obligation to acknowledge God for His gift.  In addition, another woman could just as easily have won the Gold Medal instead of her.  Laura was competing against the best in the world.  Laura's mind set was to do her best and leave the results to God.  In her heart, Laura believed she had succeeded because God had chosen her.  Her victory was possible thanks to God and she felt it was important to point this out. 

What Laura said touched me deeply.  By implication, she felt blessed to be chosen for this victory.  At this stage of my life, I too felt blessed.  The difference was that I did not openly give credit to God.  When people complimented me for creating this incredible dance studio, I thanked them for their kind words, but failed to mention God's role in placing me here.  However, after listening to Laura, I decided it was time to stop taking credit for letting people believe I had accomplished this on my own merits.  Unfortunately, I was too embarrassed to bring up such a sensitive subject in public, so I remained silent.  However, I did make one change.  From this point on I made sure to thank God in private for His continued help.  Every day I told God how grateful I was for the chance to fulfill my responsibility at the studio.  In addition, I knew the day would come when I would write my book.  When that day came, I promised myself I would take inspiration from Laura and tell the world that my dance studio was possible thanks to God.  Consider it done.
 

Some say there are women who do not realize just how pretty they are.  This sentiment was captured in a song by Sammy Kershaw. 

We go out to a party somewhere
The moment we walk in the door
People stop and everybody stares
She don't know what they're staring for

She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so

There she goes just walking down the street
And someone lets a whistle out
A girl like her she just can't see
What the fuss is all about.

   -- She Don't Know She's Beautiful, Sammy Kershaw


Many people agree there is something to this idea, but no one ever bothers to ask why.  So I asked myself if it is possible for the truth about our own appearance to be deliberately disguised from us as part of our Fate. 
 

"Rick, let's say you are right about the Epic Losing Streak as a function of Fate.  If so, what purpose might the Epic Losing Streak play in the evolution of your dance career?"

I have an interesting theory about that.  Let's play the What If game again.  I met five extremely attractive women during the Summer of 1978.  Jenny, Marilyn, Karen, Angelica, Nancy.  Of the five, only Nancy was out of the question.  Although Nancy was the most beautiful woman I ever dated, without any sort of intellectual connection it was hopeless from the start.  On the other hand, Jenny, Marilyn, Angelica and Karen were intelligent women with whom I shared a definite rapport.  If any one of those four women had worked out like I hoped, my life might have taken a far different direction.  And what direction would that be?  The Wrong Direction. 

At age 28, I had spent the past 14 years looking for the right girl.  If I had found her, there is an excellent chance I would have discarded the Dance Career.  During the Summer of 78, I was having second thoughts about teaching dance for a living.  Accountants are good at math, Doctors are good at science, Lawyers are good at arguing.  But since I was at best slightly better than average as a dancer, my long-term prospects were dim.  I thoroughly enjoyed teaching dance, but I worried I lacked the ability to go very far in this profession. 

Nor was there any real money in it!  Take Marilyn for example.  I am fairly certain Marilyn, age 18, had a family in mind for the future.  I was making $15 an hour teaching 15-20 hours a week.  I was earning roughly $1,000 a month.  Can you see raising a family on $12,000 a year?  Of course not.  What if Marilyn asked if I would consider putting my college education to good use and pursue a respectable career?  If one of those fabulous women had promised to commit if I was willing to pursue a more lucrative profession, my dance career would have been in serious jeopardy.

But none of those women came through.  So, with my Alice in Wonderland analogy in mind, every time another woman got away, I had to keep looking.  And what was the best place to keep looking?  My dance job, of course, with 100 single women crossing my path each month.  In other words, the longer my Epic Losing Streak lasted, the further my dance career was extended. 

 

"Rick, you say your scars formed the basis of your Rejection Phobia.  You also say that you were never able to erase the negative Mirror Image from your mind.  So how exactly did you escape the crippling power of your Phobia?"

Phobia is not necessarily a bad thing.  A healthy fear of snakes, spiders, drowning and biting dogs makes complete sense, especially after an unusually scary episode.  The problem with Phobia is that it sticks around long after it is no longer needed.  I knew a woman named Caroline who almost drowned as a small child.  To this day she avoids swimming pools like the plague.  Caroline knows she is being silly, but she can't help it.

The only way to defeat a Phobia is to face your fears.  Easier said than done.  Most people handle Phobia the same way as Caroline: they avoid the source of their fear.  Afraid of snakes?  Don't walk in tall grass.  Afraid of spiders?  Don't go in the cellar.  Afraid of biting dogs?  Avoid dogs.  Afraid of car accidents?  Avoid the freeway.

In my case, I was afraid of beautiful women.  The rejection of a beautiful woman would confirm once and for all that I was too ugly for them to bother with.  So how do I solve this problem?  I had to force myself to approach very attractive women and await their verdict.  And so I did just that.  Despite my panic, I found the nerve to go straight up to Arlene, a complete stranger, and introduce myself.  Arlene was delighted to meet me.  And so, for the next nine months, my Rejection Phobia disappeared.

No disrespect to Arlene, a very pretty girl, but Vanessa possessed movie star good looks.  I refused to go anywhere near her.  So what happened?  She approached me.  And how did that work out?  Vanessa betrayed me for an athlete described as the best-looking guy on campus.  At that point, my Rejection Phobia clapped its hands with joy.

"See, Rick, that's what I told you.  You are not attractive enough to win a battle for a truly beautiful woman.  Listen to me, you will always lose to the Better Man.  Stick to plain girls, you'll have better luck."
 

So that is exactly what I did.  One month after Vanessa left town, Jason persuaded me to begin a Dating Project.  Some might say it was too soon.  Who knows?  But the Dating Project was one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life.  My assignment was to approach women I did not know and strike up a conversation from scratch.  It was not difficult to find candidates.  The Psychology Department was teeming with college students coming to take class or attend a workshop.  But for some reason I was unable to click with anyone.  To be honest, my heart was always thumping with the fear that this woman or that woman would find me unattractive, uninteresting.  I suppose it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Almost certain I was going to fail, I acted in ways that caused each woman to confirm my expectations.  Over a three month period, 50 Colorado State women politely let me know they were not remotely interested. 

That led to the Lost Years.  Upon my return to Houston, I could not find the courage to even go looking.  However, in a manner eerily reminiscent of Vanessa, a young, very sexy Hispanic girl named Yolanda insisted I take her out.  Considering how strong she came on, one would think I could break my losing streak, right?  Nope.  I lost Yolanda, a high school drop-out, in a head to head battle with Robbie, a fat biker guy with a strong resemblance to Jabba the Hut.  That thud you hear was a giant boulder hitting Rock Bottom.  After Yolanda, I shut down completely.  If I had not run across the Mistress Book, I cannot imagine how I would have started my comeback. 

Four years later there was a profound difference.  During the Summer of 1978 I dated one woman after another who was top of the line.  One woman, Nancy, was even better-looking than Vanessa.  Did she reject me?  No.  In fact, Nancy was very pleased to be seen with me.  Clearly my confidence had improved dramatically.  So how exactly did I conquer my Rejection Phobia? 

 

You are going to laugh, but the breakthrough came following a class I taught to Belly Dancers at the start of the summer.

In June I was hired by phone to teach a Freestyle and Line Dance class to women at the Mahal School of Belly Dance.  When I arrived on a Saturday morning, I had no idea what to expect.  I was ushered into a darkened room known as the Inner Sanctum and told to wait. 

The room was decorated like a Middle Eastern harem.  One wall was covered by a large 8 by 30 foot mirror while the other walls featured long flowing curtains.  The dark wood floors were partially covered by expensive Turkish rugs.  Lining the walls were plush couches and huge pillows perfect for reclining.  For 5 minutes I stood there wondering what I had gotten myself into. 

When the door opened, I stopped breathing as 20 scantily-clad women came strolling in from their 10 am belly dance class.  No one had warned me about this.  Every one of these pretty girls looked like a guest star on the classic TV show I Dream of Jeannie.
 

The young ladies formed two rows of 10.  Catching me staring in awe, the girls began to look me over.  There was an instant Boy meets Girl tension in the room as we eyed each other with pleasured curiosity. 

Once I recovered from the shock of encountering a shining sea of tempting sirens, I smiled as best I could and said hello.  All 20 women smiled and said hello back.  With that, I said let's dance.  Fortunately I knew my patterns well enough that I could teach and indulge my fantasies at the same time.  My favorite part came when I played the music because I could not believe the way these gorgeous women could move!  Indeed, these were the most uninhibited women I had ever seen.  The sight of these undulating half-naked nymphets set my body on fire.  With every delicious curve on full display, I wanted to touch them in the worst way imaginable.

It is not polite to stare, especially not with your mouth open.  But I couldn't help it.  And the funny thing is that these women knew I was viewing them with impure thoughts and did not seem to mind a bit.  In a sense, they invited my gaze.  In fact, at a certain point they even encouraged it.  The ensuing dynamics were insane.  Once the women realized their collective beauty had rendered me dumbfounded, they saw me as a plaything to be toyed with.  They took delight in moving their hips, tummies and arms in ways I found irresistible.  Although I taught class with my back to the ladies, I saw them track my eyes in the mirror.  Each woman made an effort to acknowledge any direct eye contact.  Some offered a special smile best described as 'come up and see me sometime'.  Others greeted me with a toss of her hair or a sudden flurry of arm movements designed to rivet my attention.  Still others used a sensuous roll of her hips combined with an alluring come-hither look.  In other words, these girls were deliberately teasing me and took pleasure in my approval. 

This intense flirtation left me breathless and uncomfortable the entire hour.  When I get nervous, I start to tell jokes and make quips.  Not only did the girls laugh at everything I said, they felt free to verbally say something outrageous whenever I gave them an opening.  These women were quite bold and why not?  Once they decided I was perfectly safe, there was a definite rapport.  The girls liked that I had taken the challenge to resist their game of subtle torture. 

 

And so the pressure increased as they attempted to bend me to their will.  Unfortunately, the girls were winning.  As time passed I began to weaken due to an overdose of temptation.  A man can only take so much.  In a room laden with sexual innuendo, I became so distracted that I began to stutter and mumble like a drunk man.  Seeing me on the ropes, the girls looked at each other with nods of glee.  Well aware these wickedly wonderful women enjoyed reducing me to a state of babbling mush, I began to wonder how much longer I could I hold out.

In particular there were three girls in front who left no doubt they were the top bananas.  Their exquisite combination of beauty, body and talent earned them the right to take center stage.  Since these women were training to be performers, they were not remotely shy about dancing suggestively.  Towards the end of the class, I made the mistake of watching them exclusively.  Realizing they were my favorites, the three girls ganged up on me to play a mean trick during my final line dance pattern.  As we practiced the dance pattern, the women put on a show.  As my eyes tracked them in the mirror, they began an impromptu beauty contest to see who could distract me the most with provocative moves.  Teasing me with their bodies, I was subjected to delicious torture.  No fair!  These sneaky temptresses were deliberately fanning my flames! 

I hated them and I loved them.  They knew they were winning and refused to take pity.  Determined to break my concentration, they succeeded royally when a certain part of my male anatomy decided to applaud against my will.  Embarrassed, I tried to turn sideways to hide the problem.  Due to that mirror, it was no use.  There was no way to disguise the awkwardness.  Delighted to see their sexual charms validated in a convincing way, the bad girls giggled and smirked.  Gotcha!  Burning with heat and totally distracted, I blanked out.  Unable to recall what step came next, I was forced to stop dancing.  You should have seen their smiles.  In desperation I blurted out, "C'mon, girls, knock it off.  You win.  I can't take it any more!"  
 


 

 

The three vixens squealed with delight.  They loved that I had begged for mercy.  Having acknowledged their superiority, they were tickled to win this crazy test of wills.  Realizing what had happened, the entire room burst into laughter.  With my authority shattered irretrievably, there was no point in trying to resume the dancing.  I waited for the glee to subside, then thanked all the women for their participation.  With a faint smile, I said, "Based on my careful observation, I predict you ladies will do very well in your upcoming careers."  They understood my compliment and clapped their approval.  The three girls in front even winked at me. 

I was very shaken when I reached my car.  At first I was mad at those three bad girls who had deliberately exercised their power over me.  However a new and very curious thought took supremacy.  Those three girls had gone to a lot of trouble in their attempt to dominate me.  It suddenly dawned to me that there had been nothing mean in their impromptu exhibition.  If I was unattractive, those naughty girls would never have bothered.  In fact, those girls had paid me a very high compliment.  They had decided I was cute enough to merit their attention. 

It also seemed the three girls had engaged in a friendly competition to see who could hold my gaze the longest.  My friend Jenny had told me that women enjoyed competing for the cutest guys.  It seemed to me the three girls had just confirmed Jenny's point.  The girls had played this game specifically because they perceived me as a worthwhile target for their attention.  

When I got home, I stared in the mirror for a while.  As always, when I got too close, I did not like what I saw.  However, earlier this morning I had received a powerful compliment from three lovely young ladies that directly contradicted what I was seeing in the mirror.  Who should I believe?  Should I believe my own eyes?  Or should I believe those girls who had knocked themselves out in a spirited attempt to tantalize me?

Over the past few years, three different people... Arlene, Jason, and Jenny... had told me I was a lot better looking than I realized.  Not only that, Jason said my mind was playing tricks with my mind.  Jason said my negative self-image had originated as way to protect me.  Back in the days when I was not strong enough to handle rejection,  my mind had used a negative self-image to force me to shy away from women.  However, Jason's opinion, the subconscious is so stupid it does not know when to let go.  Jason used a political joke to make his point.  "The subconscious is like Congress.  Once they get in, you can never get rid of them." 

Jason's words made a lot of sense.  The vision of 20 young women smiling and laughing was pretty strong evidence.  Their approval suggested I was attractive enough to tempt them to flirt with me.  On the other hand, the mirror completely disagreed.  The mirror said those scars were so severe that no beautiful woman would choose me in a head to head competition.

What should I do?  Thinking back to the story of the supermodel who thought she was fat, I decided Jason was right.  I agreed my mind was trying to trick me.  As long as I lived, the mirror would continue to insist that I was ugly.  So why not fight fire with fire?  From here on out, I would respond to the mirror with the following phrase:

"I understand that my fear of being ugly is a distortion of the truth.  In reality, I am a good-looking guy.  From now on I will ignore the mirror and remind myself that no one but me cares about those scars."

Sad to say, the negative self-image never went away.  However, over the years there were so many attractive women who enjoyed dancing with me, the new message took hold and kept the negative message at bay.  As long as a steady stream of pretty girls were happy to be seen with me, that was the encouragement I needed to let go of my fears. 

This realization did not end my Epic Losing Streak.  But it did make me feel optimistic that my problems would soon be over.  The moment I adopted my new message, my luck with women improved dramatically.  Jenny, Marilyn, Karen, Angelica, Nancy.  As the procession of stunning women moved through my life, it realized my new found confidence combined with my improvement as a dancer guaranteed I would never again be lonely as long as I lived. 

Next thing you know, 50 couples were signed up for my class. 

So we know two things.  First, we know how the Meyerland Club became the birthplace of the upcoming Western Dance trend here in Houston.  And we have a better idea what Clay Felker was up to behind the scenes.  However, it makes absolutely no sense that a man who despised anything to do with Country-Western became Houston's first Western dance teacher.  How do we explain this accident?

Crazy Factor Number Three was just how utterly preposterous this situation was.  All night long the word 'FRAUD!' kept crawling across my mind's eye.  Full of guilt, I reminded myself over and over that high morals are the domain of well-fed men.  I had bills to pay and so did Joanne.  But if one takes a step back, they will see just how totally, horribly wrong this development was.  This was sort of like a KKK member applying for a job at the NAACP.  Let's say a newspaper picked up my story.  How would the first paragraph read?

RICK ARCHER, A KNOWN DISCO SYMPATHIZER AND AVOWED HATER OF ALL THINGS COUNTRY, HAS CHOSEN TO BECOME HOUSTON'S FIRST WESTERN INSTRUCTOR.  RUMOR HAS IT THIS MAN HAS NEVER BEEN COUNTRY DANCING IN HIS LIFE.

Joanne was Crazy Factor Number Four.  I had always believed it was my duty to help Joanne find her way in the Big City.  Now it crossed my mind that maybe it was the other way around.  There was a real chance Joanne had been sent by Karma to help me.  Joanne was magnificent.  I could not have done it without her. Thanks to Joanne, I learned just barely enough during our Helen Keller dance lesson to bluff my way through our first Meyerland Club western class.  Joanne helped to sell the illusion that I actually knew how to Country dance. 

They say the Lord works in mysterious ways.  The weirdest part of all was how Joanne's Outcast status had worked in my favor.  Without the insane conflicts of the Diva Triangle, Joanne would have never learned country dancing.  The Year of Living Dangerously started when Patricia's 'George Bombshell' led to my ill-advised Dangerous Liaison.  Joanne's resulting crush had caused Victoria and Patricia to gang up on her.  If the Divas had not acted like complete jerks, Joanne would still be the star dancer with my Disco Crowd.  Instead Victoria and Patricia's hostility had chased Joanne to the Western clubs.  This is how the Outcast learned just enough western dancing to become my country-western lifeline. 

Once upon a time, I believed the River Oaks Seven had been placed in my life to help me along my Dance Path.  Feeling the same way about the Diva Triangle and Joanne's mysterious acquisition of Western skills, I added Joanne's 'Right place at the Right time' to my List of Supernatural Observations.  Considering Joanne was the only person I knew who could save my career, it was almost like she had been selected to play this specific role in my life. 

Of course, I did not have the faintest idea what on earth was going on, but the Cosmic Wheel of Fortune was pointed in my direction again.  In a profoundly weird way, the Disco Beauty Contest had inadvertently turned me into Houston's first country-western dance teacher. 

 
 

However, I was reluctant to take too much credit.  Sure, I had some good ideas, but who can say where 'Inspiration' really comes from?  In my case, all I had to do was follow a series of Stepping Stones.  It seemed like these Stepping Stones diagrammed a preordained path called 'Destiny'.  Or at least that's the way it looked to me.  The thing that I found curious was my roundabout path.  Most people have a rough idea what their career will be.  Not me.  I was completely in the dark until I was 28. 

My 2010 retirement from teaching dance full-time conveniently removed any further need to be respectable.  I decided it was time to share my story, but I still felt very uncomfortable suggesting my popular dance studio had a Divine origin.  Oh well, that's a risk I guess I would have to take.  I suppose there are worse things to fear than ridicule.  For example, Giordano Bruno was burned at the stake by the Catholic Church for his refusal to recant his belief that Copernicus was right.  Fortunately over the years the penalty for unusual beliefs has been reduced.  So go ahead and smile if you wish.

  
 

From there my mind drifted to Oedipus.  Unbeknownst to him, his loving parents were not his real parents.  So imagine his consternation when told of the prophecy that he would murder his father and marry his mother.  Oedipus could not even conceive of doing something so barbaric.  Oedipus immediately declared to the Greek Gods that he would defy this prophecy and do everything in his power to prevent it from taking place.  With this in mind, he left home and went to seek his fortune. 

Wouldn't you know it, a nasty confrontation on the road ended up in a brawl.  Oedipus unknowingly killed his father during the fight.  Soon after Oedipus heard a rumor that a city named Thebes was being terrorized by a monster known as the Sphinx.  Until someone answer the Riddle, Thebes would continue to suffer.  When Oedipus answered the riddle correctly, the Sphinx disappeared, allowing him to enter Thebes.  The Thebans were very upset because somebody (Oedipus) had killed their king. But they were happy to hear that Oedipus had figured out the riddle of the Sphinx.  So, they made Oedipus their new king.  And along with his title came another reward... the hand in marriage of the dead king's beautiful widow. 

As one can gather, the lesson behind this famous myth is that no one can escape their Fate.  The story of Oedipus deals with Man's Will versus God's Will.  When Oedipus was first told of the prophesy that he would marry his mother, he was repelled by the idea.  Oedipus instantly swore he would never cooperate with this forbidden act.  However, blinded by the Gods, Oedipus did indeed marry his true mother under mysterious circumstances.

Imagine his horror when Oedipus finally discovered the truth.  Shocked to find he had made love to his own mother, Oedipus exploded in rage.  Oedipus had sworn this would never happen, but he had been tricked into breaking his oath.  Oedipus was so consumed with guilt over his forbidden love, he grabbed a stake and blinded himself. 

 

In this chapter I will tell the story of the great Miracle of my life.  However, first I wish to reveal the secret that created the drama in this wild tale.

Although the use of 'Aside' is a time-honored technique in literature, I apologize for the frequent interruptions.  Throughout my book, I am often caught between the need to tell the story in a nice, continuous flow versus the need to explain my thinking at the time. 

Since all this jumping around makes it tough to follow the bouncing ball, no doubt some readers get impatient and wish I would just stick to the story.  I get that and sympathize.  Although it would be much easier to write my stories in a linear fashion, this book is not about me, it is about FATE.  That obligates me to write the story, then add any conclusions I made while the story is still fresh in the Reader's mind.  I understand this Start-Stop, Start-Stop technique can be irritating, so I beg your forbearance. 

 
 


COSMIC BLINDNESS: OMAHA BEACH ON D-DAY
 

Does anyone know why the Normandy Cemetery is located where it is?  I give credit to Heinrich Severloh, a German sometimes referred to as the Butcher of Omaha.  In his memoir, Severloh claimed he fired 12,000 rounds over nine hours, killing an estimated 1,000 American soldiers in the process. 

Anyone who has seen Saving Private Ryan will no doubt recall the startling image of countless dead bodies lying on a beach at D-Day.  Those men were victims of Severloh's deadly machine gun.  After the battle was over, since most of the bodies were concentrated in one spot, the corpses were carried up the hill and buried in the area now known as the Normandy Cemetery.

Should we blame Severloh for this horrific loss of life?  No.  In fact, I feel sorry for the man.  Given no choice in the matter, Severloh did what he was told.  If it wasn't Severloh, it was someone else.  For that matter, Severloh later stated the profound regret he carried for the rest of his life. 

So who do we blame for this unconscionable slaughter?  I lay responsibility for this massacre at the feet of the military planners whose flawed strategy sent these young men straight to their doom.  As we now know, they never had a chance. 

 
There is great irony in this story.  Here again we see the results of what happens when squad leaders follow their orders despite overwhelming evidence that their orders make no sense. 

In addition, we see again that a defense is only as good as its weakest link.  In this case, the weakest link was Adolf Hitler.

Our story starts with Erwin Rommel, the brilliant German general known as the Desert Fox.  Rommel was handed the task of preparing the defenses at Normandy.  Rommel was realistic enough to know he could not prevent the Allies from landing their soldiers on the beach.  Instead he planned to keep the attackers pinned down long enough for reinforcements to arrive.

Rommel was not sure where the Allies would land, so he stationed a crack Panzer division in an area equidistant to the likely landing sites.  Located two hours from Normandy, the Panzer tanks were prepared to rush down the moment the invasion began.  Rommel envisioned his tanks would wreak havoc on the helpless soldiers trapped on the beach. 

Rommel's major concern was preventing Allied tanks from making their way into the French countryside to thwart the advance of the Panzers. His main objective was to deny Allied tanks any passage for at least two hours.  Rommel's job was made much easier by the rugged Normandy coastline.  For miles on end, imposing hills, bluffs, and cliffs made it impossible for any tank to scale. 

Unfortunately for Rommel, there was one weakness.  Over time, small streams had cut holes in the chain of hills every mile or so that was wide enough for a tank to drive through.  Not a problem, Rommel decided.  He would  guard these occasional gaps with massive defense fortifications known as Widenstandnester Units, better known as WN's. 

As one can see by the death count of the Butcher of Omaha, these WN's were murderously effective.  Fortunately, a brave Captain named Joseph Dawson heroically saved the day.  By fortuitous chance, his landing craft landed just barely out of the reach of Severloh's deadly machine gun fire.  Severloh's weapon had a range of 700 yards. Dawson's unit was lucky to land in a spot just barely beyond the range of Severloh's Killing Field. 

 

Although Dawson had been ordered to attack Severloh's position directly, that idea looked like an invitation to suicide.  Dawson took one look at the gruesome number of mounting casualties and knew following orders would ensure death for all his men.

Dawson decided he would rather try the funnel-like ravine on the hill before him.  Dawson was looking at a risky 350 yard climb to the top at roughly a 30° angle.  Fortunately, the machine gun fire coming at them from the hill was nowhere near as severe as from the direction of the Butcher of Omaha.  It would be a tough, dangerous climb, but Dawson believed this direction gave his men their best chance of reaching the top. 

At this point, Dawson got lucky again.  Minutes later, a second unit commanded by Lieutenant John Spalding landed safely nearby.  Spalding's unit would be instrumental in helping Dawson once the two companies left the beach. 

Dawson was facing three major obstacles.  There was a pillbox in front of the beach, a sniper's nest halfway, and a powerful machine gun unit at the top of the hill.  

 

Due to a third stroke of luck, the pillbox directly in front of Spalding and Dawson's landing spot was either unmanned or had been eradicated earlier. 

"We walked across the beach unharmed because nobody stopped us.  I was curious why there was no MG (machine gun) fire to speak of.  Someone pointed out a pillbox on the hill facing us that didn't seem to be in operation.  It doesn't hurt to be lucky." -- Lt. John Spalding

Amazing but true, Spalding and Dawson's units were placed in perhaps the only spot in the Kill Zone Triangle that was relatively free of the deadly WN62 and WN64 crossfire.  No one knew it at the time, but Rommel had decided to scrimp on his hillside defenses.  Desperately short on manpower, the sniper's nest facing Dawson was manned by a single soldier.  A captured Polish man was forced to shoot at the Americans or risk being shot in the back by the Germans above.  Fortunately, the Polish conscript was deliberately not aiming very well.  Dawson made two decisions.  Unaware the nearby sniper's nest was not a threat, for safety Dawson told the men to stay put halfway up the hill.  Then he ordered Spalding's unit to distract the machine gun nest at the top of the hill with non-stop withering fire.  With the Germans preoccupied by Spalding's unit, Dawson crawled 75 yards on his stomach inch by inch until he was hidden beneath a ledge.  His presence was unknown to the two German gunners 15 feet above. 

Dawson worked his way around the ledge to a better vantage point.  After pulling the pin out of two hand grenades, he bravely showed himself.  The two Germans spotted Dawson at the same time he spotted them.  30 feet separated them.  Taking advantage of surprise, Dawson threw the grenades.  This was kill or be killed, incredibly  dramatic.  If Dawson hesitated to get a better aim, the bullets would reach him first.  If he missed his target, Dawson would be cut to shreds.  Would the grenades with their 4-second time delay arrive before the panic-stricken Germans swung their weapon around to shoot?  Under extreme pressure, Dawson threw a perfect strike from 30 feet away. 

Dawson's decision to singlehandedly take out the German machine gun nest cleared the day's first safe passage to the top.  From here, a swarm of GIs made it to the top and systematically took out every German WN position from behind.   Joseph Dawson's heroics became the major reason the death count at Omaha Beach was not higher.
 

Ironically, Dawson's heroics might well have been negated had Rommel's ingenious plan been carried out properly.  The Panzers might have saved the day except for the interference of a self-described military mastermind.  A known control freak, Hitler insisted the Panzers were not to be released without his explicit permission.  Only one problem.  On the night before the invasion, Hitler gave strict orders not to awaken him for any reason.  Due to a colossal error in judgment by the German High Command, no one dared inform Hitler that the early morning invasion was underway.  By the time Hitler woke up, the D-Day invasion had been successfully completed and the Panzers were still sitting there unmoved.  Another example of Cosmic Blindness?  It certainly fits the description. 

Unfortunately, German Blindness was more than equally matched by American Blindness.  For reasons that make no sense, American strategy sent men straight into the teeth of the German defense.  It was Pickett's Charge and Gallipoli all over again.  The D-Day planners were just as obsessed with Rommel's Panzers as Rommel was with their tanks.  Unfortunately, the American tanks had to be unloaded first while the Panzers were gassed and raring to go.  The Strategists knew it was a race against time.  Would they get their men off the beach before the German tanks arrived?  The planners decided it was urgent to take out the German defense units at all costs.  As a result, every time a new wave of soldiers landed on the beach, their orders were to run straight at the nearest machine gun nest despite no protection whatever.  In other words, just run straight at the Butcher of Omaha and die.  And so they did.  The poor men were sitting ducks.  1,000 dead bodies lay on Omaha Beach as stark testimony to the ineffectiveness of the American assault strategy. 

As is usually the case with Cosmic Blindness, such is the danger of Blind Obedience.  Except this time, unlike James Longstreet and John Bell Hood at Gettysburg, Joseph Dawson disobeyed orders and saved the day.  My favorite part of the story was thinking about the cowering German generals who obeyed Der Führer's orders to make sure the military genius got a good night's sleep. 

I do not know why Tragedy is a part of life.  What I do know is that the phrase 'Asleep at the Wheel' is unusually appropriate for this story.  Were it not for Hitler's mysterious D-Day behavior, this story might have had a much different outcome. 

After Victoria chased off all my potential girlfriends in June following my hospital stay, the ladies in our dance group had been standoffish towards me.  However, Victoria continued to be far too preoccupied with her marital woes to spend much time with me.  To deal with my ever-present loneliness, I frequently went dancing after class.  Seeing me show up at the club night after night alone, the women were starting to get suspicious.  Did I break up with Victoria?  Maybe I was available after all.

By the time July rolled around, the women were getting interested again.  With the Western clubs teeming with energy, I was surrounded by women everywhere I turned.  The first thing they said was, "Where's Victoria?"  Hearing that line ten times a night, I could see the she-wolves were on the prowl again.  I found myself at the mercy of pretty girls who dropped by to chat or ask me to dance.  Not that I minded, at least not at first.  I enjoyed their company thoroughly.  However, the constant bombardment had a predictable effect... I was starting to weaken.  When the tug of temptation became too urgent for comfort, my best solution was to go find some guys and use them as unwitting bodyguards.  I found myself spending more time with men than I had in five years. 

After losing my best friend Mark due to the rupture of his ill-fated Love Triangle back in 1975, I had failed to find anyone to replace him.  Sure, I had a few buddies along the way, but no one in particular.  Mostly those years had been dominated by the pursuit of women and career.  Once my dance career took off, things were far too hectic to spend time hanging out with the guys.  However, things were calmer in 1980 thanks to Limbo.  For the first time in ages, I had plenty of time on my hands.  I used that time to cultivate friendships with my TGIS friends Chuck and Doug.  I made sure to hang with them as a face-saving reason to avoid certain women who were starting to get to me.  The more I avoided women, the better I got to know Chuck and Doug.

Sometimes Chuck or Doug were not available, so I would look for some other guy to rescue me.  That is how I met an interesting guy named Bob Job.  Bob was one of my students at first, but he caught on so quickly that I asked him to teach for me.  I liked hanging out with Bob so much he became my best friend. 

By day, Bob was a research chemist over at Shell Oil.  Bob was always trying to figure things out.  That inquisitiveness served him well.  Considered the 'Mad Scientist' by his colleagues, Bob had made Shell a small fortune with various patents.  Bob was rich enough to have afforded countless dance lessons.  However, unlike my friend Jim Barrett, Bob didn't need help.  He was an exception to my rule that intelligent people trip over their own brain.  Bob was not only a genius, he caught on quickly to Western dancing.

 
 
What makes good men and women suddenly go bad for no apparent reason?  That is the question for the ages.  Due to the fact that it happened to me as well as to Victoria, I have spent my entire life looking for the answer to that question.  My conclusion based on a lifetime of experience is that at least once in every person's life, we will make a mistake so terrible that defies explanation.  I am not taking about accidents, but rather a stupid, highly self-destructive decision caused by a seeming mental breakdown. 

Can I prove the Cosmic Blindness phenomenon exists?  No, not scientifically.  However, on an anecdotal level, by telling my own story, I think my Readers will realize the same thing has happened to them.  I doubt that Cosmic Blindness is limited to Rick and Victoria, Captain Smith and Will Smith.  I think the phenomenon is universal.  However, Cosmic Blindness is so profound that people are scared to talk about it lest someone think them weird or crazy. 

Ask yourself a question.  Have you ever read or heard someone discuss Cosmic Blindness before?  I can't think of anyone.  Don't get me wrong, I cannot possibly be the first to suggest God or some representative manipulates our thought process.  After all, Fate cannot exist without a way to guide us to predetermined situations.  What I am saying is that most people tiptoe around the idea.  So that is why I have written my book.  Someone needs to start the conversation and I think God chose me.  Why else would I have so much material?

Someone might ask why I think a knowledge of Cosmic Blindness is important.  After all, if Fate exists, then some things are bound to happen whether we believe in Fate or not.  Furthermore, some fool is bound to take my explanation and use it as an excuse to justify a terrible, senseless mistake.  "Uh oh, I just slapped a man with the whole world watching over a bad joke.  Sorry, guys, my bad, this was my Cosmic Stupidity moment."  "Uh oh, I just sent my ship to the bottom of the ocean because I was too stupid to wait for daylight.  I guess it was my turn for Cosmic Stupidity."

Listen, people having been relying on Supernatural explanations to justify mistakes since the dawn of time.  How many times have we heard some preacher get caught having an affair with a parishioner and hear him claim, "The Devil made me do it!"  Or some madman like Jim Jones poisons unsuspecting followers to death and claims it was God's Will.  If someone wants to use Cosmic Blindness as a novel excuse, go right ahead.  No matter what their excuse is, they still have to pay the price, be it Karma, damage of reputation in public opinion, sentencing in a court of law or some other form of punishment. 

As for me, my belief in Cosmic Blindness has allowed me to forgive myself.  Yes, I made a terrible mistake.  I ruined Victoria's marriage and caused harm to her husband and daughter.  I feel great regret for that.  However, at the same time, I don't beat myself up for my failure.  In my heart, I know I did the best I could to avoid this affair.  But I accept that I do not have complete control over my life.  So if God intends for me to fail despite my best effort to prevent it, then so be it.   Rather than carry a burden of guilt throughout my life for the Affair, I chose instead to make amends.  For starters, I learned my lesson.  I have never had another affair.  More important, I chose to dedicate several years of my life to stand by Victoria during her Lost Years.  And I wrote a letter to Michael to apologize. 

So why do I think an acceptance of Cosmic Blindness is important?  Because it offers a chance at peace of mind.  My guess is that when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, afterwards he spent hours on end wondering why his judgment failed to warn him when he needed its guidance most.  I have read his autobiography and judge Will Smith to be a good man with a big heart.  His success is no accident.  I read how he carefully evaluated every single career move with laser concentration.  So I imagine Will Smith has great confidence in his own judgment.  But one night his judgment failed him.  OMG!  Ironically, his mistake came when he should have been on top of the world, the night he won his Oscar as Best Actor.  To me, this was Will Smith's Casey at the Bat moment.  After an entire lifetime of brilliant moves, Will Smith struck out with the whole world watching.  So what should Will Smith do?  My guess is he did the same thing I did... ask himself why his judgment failed him in such a critical moment.  If, however, I was in Will Smith's shoes, I would say my mind is intact, my judgment is sound, and I made a mistake because it was my Karma to do so.  And now I will atone as best I can.

 
 
 

These Beginners weren't stupid.  They knew they needed help.  Don't tell anyone, but 'Thinkers' are very sensitive.  Two beers would not be enough to get them out on the floor.  No amount of alcohol could dull the fear of looking clumsy in public.  None of this 'watch my feet and copy what I'm doing' nonsense.  That might work for dancers who learned through Sensing, but Act Two Analyticals needed someone to show them where to start and where their feet should go one small step at a time.  In other words, they needed someone to EXPLAIN HOW IT WORKS.  Who better qualified than me?

I was the perfect teacher for every struggling Turtle.  I was Yoda Turtle.  I offered sympathy as I broke steps into bite-size segments perfect for their over-educated minds to absorb.  I spoke their language.  I taught at their pace.  I felt their pain.  I didn't make fun of them (oh, maybe a little).  To the delight of every Turtle, my brain worked the same way as theirs did... Logically.  If A, then B.  How many dance teachers spend their free time playing chess and solving Logic problems?  I was not 'Better', I was just different. 

Just because someone is a gifted dancer does not guarantee they are a gifted instructor.  Some dance teachers tend to be impatient with Turtles.  Because they were fast learners, they expect everyone to learn at the same rapid speed.  Unwilling or unable to adapt their teaching style, they move their class too fast, they show their impatience.  Some are not very good at breaking down the material for slow learners to grasp.  A favorite teaching technique is called 'Copy Me'.  A lot of natural dancers find it difficult to explain their footwork to others, so they tell the student to watch their feet and mimic.  Analytical people are incapable of learning to dance this way.  That is why I was so useful.  I thought about my feet all the time.  I could tell you what my feet were doing every step of the way.  Even better, thanks to my long Dance Project, I had three years to THINK about it.  In the process I accumulated three years worth of dance patterns.  My, how convenient!  In hindsight I wonder if the Lost Years were all part of the plan.  As a result of my lengthy, laborious Dance Project, when January 1978 rolled around, I was ready with the perfect Turtle Training Program with lots of Beginner material.

It did not matter that I would never be a hot shot dancer.  Yes, I was the Dance Teacher who Couldn't Dance, but I could dance better than the students I taught.  That was good enough for them.  All they cared about was the fact that I made dancing easy for their over-taxed analytical brains to grasp.  I was the Right Guy in the Right Place at the Right Time for this new type of Dance Student. 

And it all happened by Accident.  Or did it?
 
 


WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE PROS APPEAR?
 

Not all my students were Slow Learners.  There were a few Rabbits in my January classes.  They had come to me in January because I was the only game in town.  However, they didn't stick around very long.  My pace was too boring for them.  Seeing the good dancers leave the studio aggravated Lance Stevens no end.  He was furious to see me cater to weaklings instead of ones with actual talent.  This was the main reason Lance Stevens had so little respect for me.  What kind of idiot caters to woeful dancers?  He could not accept the social worker in me yearned to give these people a fighting chance to overcome their dance handicap.

As the Rabbits left, Stevens would see my class size diminish over time.  Since his priority were Rabbits, he criticized my snail's pace and lack of knowledge.  Stevens thought I should gear my efforts towards students with actual talent.  Stevens never agreed there should be a place in the Dance World for lousy dancers.  In addition, he failed to realize the bulk of my classes was filled with Turtles.  Lance Stevens was Old School.  He was limited by the perception that dance lessons should be aimed at talented people who strived for excellence.  He was not comfortable with this strange group of people who just wanted to dance for the fun of it.  The Turtles did not want to dominate during the Era of Saturday Night Fever, they just wanted to participate.  Since I was the instructor best-suited to accommodate them, I retained their loyalty.

There was another advantage to my limitations.  Hot Shot Pros were not used to dealing with klutzes.  When Act Two of Disco turned the Dance World upside down, it forced born dancers to come up with a syllabus for Non-dancers overnight.   For NON-analytical dance teachers, that wasn't as easy as it sounds.  There was no Fred Astaire or Arthur Murray list of steps to follow.  They had to figure out what to teach on their own.  As an example, Disco Dave once told me he spent an hour before every class trying to figure out how to explain his footwork to beginners.  He said it drove him crazy.  "Rick, I don't know what my feet do.  I don't care what my feet do.  I just tell my feet to dance and they go to work." 

Bless their hearts, these Turtles were the kind of people who asked if their next step should move six inches or eight inches.  Should they pass their feet or bring them together?  Should they slide their feet or should they pick their feet up?  The women wanted to know if dancing on their toes meant all the time.  No, I reassured them, just when you spin.  Knowing all too well the 'Copy Me' teaching style was kryptonite for analytical people, I told them where each foot should go, the length of the step, and which foot should go first.  Yes, definitely slide your feet because picking your feet up allows your steps to get too big.  They loved me!  Thanks to Cosmic Irony, I was perfect for Act Two Disco students.  They didn't want a hot shot dancer as their teacher, they wanted a clod like me who had somehow overcome his brain to become Fearless Leader. 

My three Lost Years of dance lessons turned out to be quite an advantage.  Armed with a treasure trove of line dance and freestyle patterns, I knew exactly how to structure a January class for Beginners.  My Incompetence had prepared me well.  It was a true blessing to have been a slow learner throughout Act One.  However, there was one problem.  What was I supposed to do about Rabbit students? 

I am sorry to say, but in January I had no choice but to cut them loose.  They had come to me because I was the only teacher in town.  However, once the Hot Shots got into the game in February, their problem was solved.  Now there were other teachers to choose from.  From this point on, the Rabbits usually checked out after a few lessons and went to look for a teacher who moved things along faster. 

I could see Lance Stevens' point.  But what choice did I have?  I did not have the experience to be the kind of instructor he wanted.  Why not be happy with what he got?  I don't think Stevens had any idea there were more Turtles in the world than Rabbits.  Or more likely he did not care.  I was flabbergasted at his disdain.  Couldn't my boss see how well I was prepared for this horde of Beginners?  Just pocket the money and get off my back.  Not Stevens.  He could not wait for the right kind of Hot Shot teacher to come along.  His negativity terrified me.  What would happen when the Hot Shots got in the game?  Yes, Yoda Turtle had a head start, but once the Rabbits entered the race, how could a guy with limited dance skills possibly hope to compete?  For a time there, it seemed hopeless to think I could make a profession out of something I was not cut out for.  After all, doesn't the team with the talent always win in the end?

In addition, I was facing a dilemma known as One and Done.  These Turtles just wanted enough material to jump in the swimming pool.  As a result they had no incentive to sign up for another class.  Sooner or later I was going to run out of Turtles and then what?  Not only that, the size of my classes dwindled each week as people got what they needed and moved on.  Stevens complained this was proof I was catering to the wrong crowd.  After all, people with dance talent try harder and stick around longer.  Oh, great, another reason to fire me.  Just when the gloom became overwhelming, I caught my next Lucky Break. 

Out of nowhere, a sudden development gave the Turtles an important reason to stick around.  Just when I thought it was over, instead my Magic Carpet soared to even greater heights.  Can you guess?  I never saw it coming, so why should you?  Let's see what happened.

 
 


DISCO ODYSSEY:  COSMIC STUPIDITY
 

The first question I explored was Eric's uncharacteristic boastfulness.  I had known Eric for three weeks.   Not once prior to his grandstand stunt in Stevens' office had I seen any hint of the cocky attitude that sent him to his doom.  I suppose Eric was arrogant to some extent, but I took that as his public persona.  In private, Eric was polite and under control when I was around.  Furthermore his typical personality exuded confidence, not brashness.  Eric was not a bully.  Eric never once rubbed his superiority in my face.  Eric had always been nice to me even though he probably guessed that I feared him greatly.  Since he was unfailingly tactful with me, why did that tact disappear during his meeting with Lance Stevens?  Eric's unexpected braggadocio was surprising because this was a side to Eric I had never seen before.  Why was he so impatient?  The keys to the Kingdom were his.  All he had to do was play the game one step at a time as opposed to launching a motorcycle flight across a wide canyon in daredevil style.  Stevens really liked this guy.  Eric knew it and so did I.  Given Stevens' high opinion, all Eric had to do was bide his time.  It was unnecessary to come on so strong.  

That was a really stupid thing to do.  In fact, it was so stupid, I suspected there was something fishy going on. 

Did someone put a spell on Eric?  Despite my incredible relief to see him get fired, I felt sorry for the guy. The Eric I saw in Stevens' office was an Eric I had never seen before.  Eric behaved as if he was in some sort of trance.  Psychology calls it 'irrational behavior'.  Sigmund Freud would of course blame it on the Unconscious.  And, of course, 'drugs' and 'booze' have been known to alter behavior.  However, Eric didn't seem high.  There was no slurring of the words, no wide-eyed flights of fancy.  More likely Eric completely misread Stevens.  That led me to wonder if there was a Mystic explanation for Eric's crazy behavior.  The Brothers Grimm wrote of curses and spells that influenced behavior.  Interesting thought.  If I didn't know better, I would say an evil spell had overcome this young man.  Eric seemed overwhelmingly convinced that Stevens required no persuasion.  Why show up 10 minutes late?  Why address Stevens by his first name?  Why put his feet up on Stevens' desk?  Why insist that he be made partner in so blatant a fashion?  How could Eric fail to see that being disrespectful to the boss was no way to make his pitch to be made a full partner in the business?

For these reasons, it was my impression Eric had behaved uncharacteristically.  BUT WHY?  WHY WOULD HE ACT THIS WAY?

No doubt Eric was asking the same question at this very moment.  I have to believe Eric would spend many a sleepless night wondering what had come over him.  Why had Eric been so aggressive with Stevens?   What crazy thought motivated Eric to deliver his theatrical demand to a man with the biggest ego on the planet?  Anyone with a brain would know Eric's desire to be made a business partner would stand a better chance if he approached Stevens one on one and began his pitch with the magic word 'Please'. 

Furthermore, my presence in the room should have acted as caution to Eric.  No one is stupid enough to make a pitch to be made a business partner when their main rival is standing in the same room.  I repeat: No one is that stupid!  Eric's behavior defied all rules of common sense.   Perhaps Eric was so confident that Stevens had chosen him to be the One that he lost all sense of caution.  Unfortunately I will never know what went through Eric's mind.  However, from my point of view, I can see no Realistic reason to justify that kind of behavior.  Consequently I looked to a Mystic reason instead. 

I interpreted Eric's downfall as having more to do with me than with him.  Perhaps it was Eric's Fate to throw away this job.  With his kind of talent, Eric would find another job.  That much went without saying.  But I would not find another job, at least not if we were playing by the rules of Reality.  In Mystic terms, I believed my job at Stevens of Hollywood had my name on it from the moment I started.  Based on what transpired, more than likely, Eric had been sent to teach me a lesson, then move on. 

Okay, if this line of thinking was correct, it seemed likely that an Unseen Being had made Eric behave irrationally.  To me, if Fate exists, the most direct way to create a colossal blunder would be to force Eric to read from a script planted in his mind.  Yes, I am referring to a spell or a trance just like in the fairy tales.  It seemed to me that Eric's common sense may have been suppressed. 

So, you ask, where exactly did my far-fetched idea come from?  During my childhood, there had been several inexplicable instances involving my mother when it seemed like the woman had lost her mind.  That was my first clue.  My second clue came when I myself began to make bizarre errors.  These errors were rare, but when they happened, the result was so painful and so difficult to justify that I wondered why my brain had stopped functioning at such a key moment.  A good example involved Katie, the girl who got away.  It was love at first sight for me.  Katie was a fellow student in a dance class who turned out to be the kindest girl my age I had ever met.  Furthermore, I was certain that she liked me.  But how much did she like me?  Due to my extreme fear of rejection, I could not bring myself to ask her out.  Frustrated by my faint heart, I begged for some sort of opening to make my pitch easier.  As the story goes, our instructor invited the class to join him for a night of dancing.  Kate was so excited, she turned to me with a huge smile and asked if I was going.  There was my opening. 

"Gosh, Katie, sure, I would love to go!  Hey, I have an idea.  How about I pick you up at your house and we go together?"

What could be easier?  Unfortunately, those words were never spoken.  There was my chance and I missed it.  WHY?  To this day I do not have a good explanation.  My big chance had been lobbed to me like an underhand softball.  It was Can't Miss.  All I had to do was swing.  However the idea to ask Katie if I could pick her up never once crossed my mind.  How do I act on a good idea if the idea never occurs?  Ever since, I had operated under the suspicion that my mind had been mysteriously clouded at the worst possible time. 

I was so bewildered, I wondered if it is possible that our minds can be manipulated to force us to act out our Fate.  My Katie-related stupidity was difficult to accept, but maybe it happened for a reason.  Perhaps Katie and I were not meant to be together.  If that was the case, Blindness imposed upon me at a key moment would explain why my brain had gone haywire.  Perhaps in a similar way Eric was not destined to take my job.  More likely it was Eric's mission to terrify me to the very core of my being and force me to think about what his true purpose was.  If so, it worked!  Eric's presence had made me realize just how lucky I was to have this job and that I wanted to keep it more than anything else in the entire world. 

In addition, Eric's demise was of equal value to me.  It seems to me that every person I have ever gotten to know fairly well has told me about the one mistake they made that to this day defies all understanding.  Typically this terrible mistake was 'self-inflicted' just like Eric.  No one made them do this stupid thing, but rather they acted on a very bad idea.  Ever since, they have spent the rest of their lives wondering why their own mind had misled them so badly. 

"What was I thinking?  I had to be out of my mind to do that!" 

It seems to me that humans have been doing really dumb things since the dawn of creation.  It started with Eve.  Eve was specifically told not to eat that apple, but she did it anyway.  Eve threw away a paradise just like Eric did.  Was Eve really that stupid?  Or was Eve forced by Fate into committing her colossal blunder?  The way I see it, my mother did really stupid things.  I did stupid things.  And now Eric had done a really stupid thing.  As J.K. Rowling once put it, "Isn't it interesting how humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them?"

I agree with Ms. Rowling.  I have noticed the same thing.  To err is an ever-present part of the Human Condition.  So what is the explanation?  If Human Stupidity is so rampant, then why is it so difficult to understand?  Why do other intelligent people who should know better consistently make at least one colossal mistake during their life that is impossible for them to reconcile? 

My theory is the field of Psychology arose because a lot of people agree with Ms. Rowling.  Over the centuries, people looking for answers to the question of human stupidity have come up with all sorts of explanations.  For example, a therapist might conclude Eric acted out due to a self-destructive tendency created by childhood trauma.  I have no argument with that.  This is a common theory straight from Psych 101.  However, what if there is a better explanation?  

I have a theory that goes to the very heart of my book.  I have come to believe there is a higher explanation for our most senseless mistakes, a Cosmic reason that transcends psychological explanations. 

Is it possible that sometimes we are COSMICALLY deceived into making a senseless mistake as part of our Fate?

The appalling senselessness of Eric's behavior forced me to ask if this poor man had been manipulated into making his mistake as part of his Fate.  I understand we are supposed to have Free Will.  However, maybe we don't have Free Will all the time.  Maybe there are times when we are unknowingly forced to behave in a puppet state.

Take Captain Smith for example.  Captain Smith was the man who sent the Titanic directly into a field of icebergs.  Throughout the day Smith had received one telegram after another warning him of a dangerous field of icebergs dead ahead.  Only an idiot would try to weave an unwieldy behemoth through a minefield of threats when nighttime vision was at a minimum.  Not only did Smith head straight into the dangerous ice field without the slightest hesitation, he said full speed ahead!  Why would Smith do this?  Was he really that incompetent?  Or did an invisible being remove Smith's better judgment because the Titanic was doomed to fulfill a terrible Fate?

In religion, there is a concept known as Divine Inspiration.  Divine Inspiration implies that God can telepathically transmit a creative thought to a person.  Divine Inspiration has been a major aspect of religions for thousands of years.  In its simplest form, a human prays for guidance and God delivers a revelation.  Thanks to Eric, I decided to reverse this concept.  If there is such a thing as 'Divine Inspiration', then why can't there be such a thing as Divine Deception as well? 

If God has the power to offer guidance, one can imagine God also has the power to mislead.  We don't give that possibility much thought because we assume God loves us and wants us to be happy.  Maybe so, but most people agree we deserve to be punished when we cross the line.  By extension, a tough Fate may be our punishment for sins we have committed.  What goes around, comes around.  That is whole point of the Eastern concept known as Karma.  Karma says the day will come when every one of us has to pay for past misdeeds.

What better way to punish us than to cause us to suffer?  By removing our common sense at key points, that might explain all those terrible decisions.  Look at all the sayings in our language which deal with senseless decisions.  For example, 'Marry in haste, repent at leisure.'  Many people do incredibly stupid things like marry the wrong person.  The relationship becomes a complete nightmare.  Once it is over and the smoke clears, the person will look back and ask, "What on earth was I thinking?  Why did I marry that man??  Something weird must have come over me.  The warning signs were there all the time.  I should have known better!!" 

We all know there are times when our brain has completely failed us.  It does not happen very often, but when it does, watch out.  We have just committed the worst mistake of our life and we have no idea what went wrong.  We are taught that there must be some sort of psychological reason behind all this, but I say forget all that.  No amount of self-analysis will never truly explain such a colossal failure.  "Well, my doctor said I have low self-esteem."  Yes, that may be true, but so what?  Maybe the REAL REASON for your mistake was the FORCE OF FATE. 

Is it possible we marry the wrong person because that is what our Karma dictates?  If so, does God or some angel deliver a Love Potion that casts a spell over our common sense?  Laugh if you wish, but seriously, Blindness imposed from beyond has an eerie way of explaining our worst mistakes.  Thanks to Eric and my own experiences, I have decided there are times when we are led to make bad decisions as part of our Fate. 

 

The concept of Divine Stupidity, or 'Blindness' if you prefer, appears throughout the Bible.  Here is a good example. 

“God has given them a spirit of stupor, eyes that they should not see and ears that they should not hear, to this very day.”

-- Romans 11:8

This passage implies that God not only has the power to render us blind to what is going on, He exercises that power whenever He deems it necessary. 

 

This is a very disturbing thought because it contradicts our belief in total Free Will.  However, just because we don't like the idea does not make it go away.  Personally, I think Cosmic Blindness, a term I often use in place of Cosmic Stupidity, has the ability to explain a lot of things that do not make a bit of sense.  Take for example the Trojan Horse.  Why would an entire city accept a gift from their mortal enemies the Greeks without an ounce of suspicion? 

Okay, you say, but that's fiction.  It is a meaningless story.  Fine.  Have it your way.  If you want a real world example, try explaining Captain Smith's decision to send the Titanic straight to its doom.  Smith was nearing retirement.  He had been selected to take the Titanic on its maiden voyage because he was considered the finest Captain in the fleet.  Based on his sterling reputation, how do we explain this well-respected man's decision to plow his ship into a dangerous ice field?  We say that Captain Smith must have lost his mind.  BUT WHY DID CAPTAIN SMITH LOSE HIS MIND?  For the same reason that Eric lost his mind!  When Fate decrees it is time to make a mistake to fulfill our Destiny, I contend our common sense is disabled and we unwittingly commit the worst mistake of our life.

I do not expect my Readers to readily accept my theory of Cosmic Blindness and Cosmic Stupidity.  All I ask is that you give it some thought.  What I am doing is laying the foundation for one of the strangest stories you will ever read.  It involves a person who made a senseless decision as perplexing as the ones made by Eric and Captain Smith.  After you read my story, I guarantee you will never perceive the senseless mistakes people make in the same way again.  You may not agree with me, but you will never forget what I said.

 



ONE BOOK BECOMES TWO
 
 

Given how intensely curious I was to probe her thoughts, it is odd that I never got the chance to ask my questions.  Mrs. Ballantyne was always so happy to see me, she picked up right where she left off the last time.  I was always glad to listen.  In fact, there were times when I thought I should take notes.  Perhaps on some level I knew I would become her biographer one day.  Why else would she tell me all these stories? 

Besides, I wanted to write about her.  This was the woman who changed my life!  Her shocking appearance during my crisis initiated a lifelong search to find the meaning behind all those eerie coincidences.  And the cool thing is that every time Mrs. Ballantyne made a surprise appearance, she would tell me something fascinating to inspire new chapters. 

 

As usual, I am rambling, so let me just blurt out what I am trying to say: Maria Ballantyne is the reason I wrote this book.  She was what my English teacher would call my Muse, my inspiration to write. 

However, the moment I learned about Mrs. Ballantyne's passing in 2015, I had a major problem.  I had new information from 2014 about Mr. Salls, I had the story of how George Mitchell with the story of how he brought the cruise industry to Galveston, and now I had stories from 2010 and 2015 regarding Mrs. B that I wanted to write about. 

Mrs. B had appeared in my first book, A Simple Act of Kindness, which covered my childhood (1968).  Mrs. B ad appeared in my second book, Magic Carpet Ride which covered my dance career (1978).  My third book, Gypsy Prophecy, covered the strange story of how I met my wife in 2001.

I suppose I could add my new information to Gypsy Prophecy, but that would miss the point.  With Maria Ballantyne wandering through my life like a meandering river, how was I was supposed to explain her full impact with stories located in three separate books? 

I decided it was my duty to do was put all my Mrs. Ballantyne stories in one book.  And so I began to write Pay it Forward, my fourth book.   

 
 

Then can I walk beside you?
I have come here to lose the smog
And I feel myself a cog in something turning

Well maybe it is just the time of year
Or maybe it's the time of man
I don't know who I am
But you know life is for learning

-- Woodstock, Joni Mitchell

 

"I never chose boxing; boxing chose me.  Somebody up there really likes me."  -- Rocky Graziano, world champion boxer

I like this quote for a special reason.  I could say the same thing about myself. 

"I never chose dancing; dancing chose me."

My eventual dance career was the result of a long-shot, counter-intuitive decision that led to my improbable career.  What is interesting about my decision is that it was caused by my desperate attempt to overcome my Epic Losing Streak.  Upon my return to Houston, I had two important goals.  Find a girlfriend and find a career. 

From a practical point of view, which one should I tackle first?  If I had a brain, I would have tackled the career problem first.  That was the sensible thing to do.  But my loneliness was so crushing, I decided to postpone the career decision and concentrate every ounce of my being on finding a girlfriend.  As we shall learn, my decision to postpone the career issue was a serious mistake that would lead to some of the worst heartache of my life.
 
 

REGARDING THE HIDDEN HAND OF GOD
 
 

Okay, bad news.  God is no longer interested in my dance career.  However, I still wished to serve God.  How best to do that?  My intuition suggested I write a book about my experiences.  That made perfect sense.  After all, I already had enough stories on my SSQQ web site to create three books.  All I had to do was weave the stories together like stitching quilt squares.  And so I began to write. And write.  And write.  Unfortunately, I made a serious mistake.  I made myself the star of my books. 

Which, in Hindsight, was a dumb thing to do.  The whole point of the failed comeback attempt was a Divine request to shift the focus from me to God.  By ignoring God's influence in my life, clearly I had a Blind Spot on this issue.  That said, what happens every time I do things my way instead of God's way?  The Universe sends me a wake-up call. 

The first message came from my wife Marla.  We met in 2001 under very unusual circumstances.  Gypsy Prophecy tells how a fortune teller prophesied our romance with startling accuracy six months in advance.  The Gypsy's words had been chilling indeed.

"If you decide to take that journey you have been considering, you will meet the man you will spend the rest of your life with.  Not only that, you already know the man you meet." 

That was strange enough.  Even stranger, Marla forgot all about it.  I am completely serious.  The memory was seemingly erased from her mind.  Nevertheless, the prediction came true.  Marla signed up for the cruise trip she been thinking about, we met and fell deeply in love.  One year later, Marla's memory returned.  At the time we were both stunned by what seemed to be a clear case of precognition.  Or maybe it was predestination.  Marla and I were rock solid from the moment we connected. 

It was now 2013.  Sensing that the story of my dance career would be of more interest to my former dance students, I had started with the Magic Carpet Ride.  I was making good progress when Marla said something that hit me with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.  One morning as we took a walk around the neighborhood, I mentioned how well the book was coming.

Marla smiled.  "That's good to hear.  But I have a question.  Where did you start your book?"

"Oh, graduate school," I replied.  "The problems I experienced at Colorado State led to my dance career."

With a frown, Marla asked, "Why didn't you start with your childhood?"

"Because that would make my book too long.  No one would read it."

Marla stopped in her tracks.  Making eye contact for emphasis, she proceed to chew me out.

"Oh no, Rick, you can't start there.  First you have to tell them about your childhood.  Otherwise no one will understand why you were so screwed up when you started your dance career."

Stunned, I stammered, "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you were so unlikeable at that stage of your life that no one will want to read your story."

Ouch!!  That's Marla for you.  Blunt, direct, and... uh... as usual, correct.  With a sinking heart, I realized I needed to write two books instead of one.  I finished Magic Carpet Ride, then turned my attention to A Simple Act of Kindness, the story of St. John's and my childhood.  For good measure, I added the Gypsy Prophecy.  Voila, I was done!  Three books.  I was very proud of myself.
 

However, just when I was about to let people start to read my books, in October 2015 I got my another wake-up call.  Jim Dulaney was my basketball buddy.  Jim and I liked to sit out a game and chat while we waited for the next game to start.  One night Jim mentioned he was writing a book, then added he took it very seriously. 

When I replied that I had been working on a book as well, Jim offered to help.  Pointing out that he was part of a writer's group that met regularly to discuss their progress, Jim believed he could offer me some tips. 

"Rick, before you get serious about writing a book, maybe I can make a suggestion or two.  But first I would need an impression of your writing style.  Have you ever written anything?"

I think Jim was under the impression that I was a fledgling writer.  I could have mentioned I had completed three books, but chose not to.  I preferred to avoid appearing competitive, so I downplayed my situation.

"Yes, I've written some.  I used to write short stories about my dance adventures and put them on the studio's website.  If you are interested, you could read a couple of my favorite short stories that are posted on the Internet."

Jim nodded.  "Yeah, that's great.  Send me the links."
 

That night I directed Jim to shorter, watered-down versions of the Maria Ballantyne and Dance Class from Hell stories.  Determined to avoid any hint of the Supernatural, I made sure there was no mention of 'Miracle' or hint of Divine Intervention in the Ballantyne story.  As for the Dance Class from Hell, I was careful to omit any mention of the Mistress Book, the Stalled Car, Drag Queen Lynn, or the Leap of Faith in the parking lot.  I was unprepared for what came next.  Jim replied with a very upsetting email.  

"Rick, what is the purpose of your book?  Best I can tell, it is an autobiographical memoir.  However, that genre is generally restricted to famous people.  So I assume you are famous, right?"

Devastated, I was reminded of a famous literary quote, "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

When I cornered Jim during our usual break between basketball games, he explained no one would ever believe a story like mine.

"I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, but your stories read like Charles Dickens on steroids.  There are way too many coincidences."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"The use of coincidence is considered a sign of sloppy writing.  The author needs something to happen, but lacks the imagination to think of a plausible cause and effect reason.  So he falls back on some unbelievable, totally improbable fluke like the time your Mrs. Ballantyne lady showed up out of nowhere."

"But that really happened, Jim."

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't stop there.  Your entire story has one coincidence piled on top of another.  How do you expect me to believe a story where some guy catches you cheating completely by chance and some woman magically shows up out of nowhere to save your life?  Plus your stories are weird."

Feeling defensive, I replied, "What do you mean by 'Weird'?  Give me an example."

"The one that bothered me the most was your Dance Lesson from Hell.  You say you took this class due to a bizarre omen, but you fail to explain what it was.  That was your first mistake.  Then you write about seven rich women who stare down their noses at you, you claim to look like Charles Manson, you can't dance a lick, and your gay dance instructor can't wait to get into your pants.  Then you curse your existence and sob like a baby in your car.  Do you realize how silly it sounds for a grown man to become a giant crybaby over a dance class failure?  Seriously, Rick, that whole story is weird!!  Maybe one or two of those things might happen in an everyday dance lesson, but you go too far.  It sounds like you are exaggerating or making stuff up to gain sympathy.  Besides, if you were as bad at dancing as you said you were, why didn't you just quit like any normal person?  But then it gets worse.  You stuck with it for three years.  I can see a month or two, but who is stupid enough to take dance lessons for three years with no results?"

"But those lessons led to my dance career."

"Okay, great, I'm proud of you.  But you didn't explain why you stuck with those lessons for three years.  That is what I object to."

"The reason I took lessons for three years is because dance lessons became a hobby.  Although I wasn't very good at dancing, I still enjoyed the challenge."

"All well and good.  However, based on your description of how little progress you made, most people would have quit.  And that was not my biggest objection.  You once told me before you retired that you owned the largest dance studio in America.  I enjoy success stories, so I wanted to see how you made it from zero to hero.  But you did not explain it.  I kept asking myself how a guy who can barely tie his own shoe laces ends up with the biggest dance studio in history.  Bottom line, neither story made a bit of sense."

"The reason my dance career took off was due to a couple of lucky breaks.  I promise you things took place just the way I described it."

"So you got some lucky breaks.  My, my, how convenient.   I hate the word 'Luck' almost as much as I hate the word 'Coincidence'.   The word 'Luck' strikes me as fishy, something you might say to cover up the truth.  Or else it is an example of sub-standard imagination on your part.  Frankly speaking, your stories do not add up.  There has to be a reason for all these coincidences and lucky breaks you refer to.  Are you special?  Do you have psychic ability?  Does God like you a lot?"

Uh oh.  I squirmed mightily when I realized why Jim was so upset.  As things stood, Jim had just explained why my stories did not seem credible.  The only way to explain my motives and my success would be to admit my belief that God had helped me.  Did I dare tell Jim that?  No!!  I was certain he would not believe that either.  I was too insecure to admit the truth, so I dodged the question.

"Look, Jim, I am not psychic and I am not psychotic.  I don't hallucinate, I don't do drugs, I consider myself relatively sane.  Although I admit I've had some unusual experiences, otherwise I am a normal guy.

Jim wasn't buying it.  "Your reference to 'unusual experiences' is the understatement of the century.  Nothing you write makes any sense.  Here's another thing.  You claim you were a good student.  If so, why would you cheat on a test to save 5 points?  Can you explain that to me?"

"I don't know, Jim, I guess I was young and stupid."

"Speaking of stupid, why would you take dance lessons for three years if you were so bad at it?" 

"I thought if I could become a good dancer, I could go to clubs and ask girls to dance.  I thought I could meet girls this way, but I never improved enough to find the confidence necessary to give it a try."

"That's another thing.  I can't get over your three years angle.  If something doesn't work, why didn't you have the sense to try something else?  And what about this goofy 'Mrs. Ballantyne' story?  Some woman who has failed to notice you for nine years suddenly shows up at your grocery store and decides to adopt you.  Your story sounds ripped off from It's a Wonderful Life.  I couldn't wait for you to claim some angel guided Mrs. Ballantyne to your grocery store."

I winced.  Deep down, I actually did think an invisible angel might have been responsible.  But I was not about to admit it.

"Jim, I don't know what brought Mrs. Ballantyne to the grocery store.  Why won't you just take my word for it?"
 

"Because you expect me to believe more than I am willing to believe.  I asked if you are famous for a reason.  You are not famous enough to assume people will be interested in reading about you.  Furthermore, you are not important enough for people to take your word for what happened.  It was difficult for me to take your stories seriously.  I sort of believe you, but that's only because I know you personally.  A stranger won't be so inclined.  Where are your witnesses?"

"I don't have any witnesses."

"What about Mrs. Ballantyne?"

"She passed away earlier this year."

"Rick, you need witnesses.  Take Helen Keller for example.  No one would dream of believing what Helen Keller had to overcome.  But she had people to vouch for her.  Same for Michael Jordan.  He is considered the greatest basketball player ever.  However, Jordon was cut from the high school varsity when he was a sophomore.  I investigated why the best player on the planet could not even make his high school team.  It turns out Jordan was only 5' 10" and string-bean skinny.  Furious at being cut, Jordan practiced like crazy for a year.  He also grew 5 inches.  I believe every word Jordan said because he had plenty of witnesses.  I read your story specifically because I wanted you to explain how a lousy dancer could create a giant dance studio, but all you did was say you got lucky.  How did you get lucky?  Why did you get lucky?  Who were your witnesses?  You completely failed to explain how your success evolved." 

Jim made a good point about the lack of witnesses.  Although my career had spanned 32 years, none of my students knew I believed God deserved more credit for my success than I did.  Maybe I should tell Jim about my List of Supernatural Events.  As of 2015, the current total stood at 114.  However, given Jim's cynicism, I assumed he would just laugh at me.  Besides, this conversation was long enough as it was.  We would be here all night if I brought up the Supernatural List.  

"I have had many strange experiences.  Although I cannot be sure, I suspect I have had more "weird experiences" than the average person.  So I wrote a couple stories about these experiences.  If I had known people like you would be so skeptical, maybe I should have thought twice.  But I do have a question.  Why are you being so hard on me?"

Jim nodded.  "I apologize if I have offended you.  I failed to mention your stories are actually pretty interesting.  But they won't attract an audience because they read like fantasy, not reality.  Maybe you should switch to fiction.  Or better yet, write about dragons.  You won't get anywhere as a memoir writer since you aren't famous and you cannot prove what really happened.  No one is going enjoy your stories unless you offer explanations that make sense."

"Why do I have to be famous?"

"As it stands, you are an obscure dance teacher with at best a local reputation.  If you were John Travolta or Fred Astaire, people might be curious.  You claim to be a normal guy, but you insist on telling stories no one will believe.  What gives you the authority to write stories like these?"

That is where the conversation ended.  It was time for the next game to start.  Maybe I should have sat out it out.  I was so rattled I did not make a single shot.  Frustrated, I decided it was time to head home and regroup.  That night I gave considerable thought to Jim's criticism.  His words tormented me no end... "Too many coincidences, too unbelievable, what gives you the authority?" 

I was angered by Jim's objections, but he definitely had a point.  It did not matter that my stories were true.  What mattered was that they were too far-fetched to be acceptable to a general audience.  That raised a question.  The stories Jim read had been in print for ten years.  In all that time, only one person, Keller Moot, had ever raised a question about the Supernatural element which shadowed my tales.  Keller did not get upset, so why did Jim?  Probably because Jim read two stories, not one.  It was like he said..."too many coincidences."  In other words, I had exceeded Jim's "Coincidence" limit.  In Jim's opinion, my stories were an insult to his intelligence, a waste of his time.  I was crushed.

As my hurt feelings subsided, I sensed a silver lining in Jim's criticism.  His blunt assessment contained a valuable clue... my life was simply too weird.  You want to know something funny?  I agreed with him.  I had long been exasperated by the absurd number of crazy things that had happened to me over the years.  So I asked if maybe there was a purpose to this.  I began to wonder if God had deliberately handed me this voluminous collection of weird stories because He wanted me to write about them.  In other words, maybe God did not wish to anonymous.
 

My intuition told me to come clean and give credit to God like I should have all along.  Unfortunately this would require a tremendous amount of work.  How does one explain Unreality to a Realistic person?   When I first wrote my stories in 2005, my biggest fear had been that people would think I was out of my mind.  I had a business to run, so why give my dance students reason to think I was off my rocker?   But it was now 2015 and I was retired.  I had nothing to lose if people laughed.   

Nevertheless I groaned at the thought of starting over.  To write from the perspective of 'God first, Rick second' meant re-writing all three of my books with each Supernatural event spelled out in detail.  A very daunting thought indeed.  I estimated the decision to start all over would add many years to my book project (which it did).  Be that as it may, I decided Jim was correct.  And so was Marla.  Unless I told the truth about my emotional problems as well as my mystical experiences, my books were worthless.  In that moment I decided to go all in.  Don't run from Mysticism, embrace it, explain it, let the cards fall where they may, let people think what they want. 

Based on what Jim had said, I felt a duty to share my testimony.  Carefully re-writing each book, I made sure to add Hindsight to every unusual event.  In this way my Readers could make up their own mind on my claim that the 'not-so' Hidden Hand of God  was directly responsible for my unlikely good fortune. 

 
 
SSQQ Front Page Parties/Calendar Jokes
SSQQ Information Schedule of Classes Writeups
SSQQ Archive Newsletter History of SSQQ