Without warning and without provocation, on February 7 Joel Loshack, owner of the Door Warehouse, decided to begin towing cars of SSQQ students parked in front of his store. Since then there have been at least five other cars towed and quite possibly more. 

What makes this policy hard to swallow is there was no reason for this. A simple note on the SSQQ door would have solved the whole problem. Furthermore the warning sign is invisible at night. It is located 20 feet away from the store on a grassy strip. No one would ever see it unless they were looking for it.  Please read further.

Editor's Note: Since the March SSQQ Newsletter came out on Friday, March 1, there have been two new developments. 

On Monday, March 4, I was amazed to see the Door Warehouse truck parked in our parking lot at 6:15 pm. These people are unbelievable. 

Then on Wednesday, March 6, I received the following email from SSQQ student Lisa Gray:

-----Original Message----- 
From: May, Lisa LM 
Sent: Tuesday, March 05, 2002 1:31 PM 
To: 'ssqq@houston.rr.com' 
Subject: Door Warehouse Story in the Newsletter 

Hi, Rick:  I was taking my lunch hour and surfing through the newsletter. I read the story on the Door Warehouse - given my curious nature and "inquiring minds want to know" spirit, I did an inquiry with the Better Business Bureau.

Attached is what the Door Warehouse's report shows - notice the UNSATISFACTORY rating with the BBB: (seems like that explains a lot that is going on with SSQQ - if they don't address the needs of their customers, why would they be concerned with SSQQ's students?)

BBB Reliability Report Door Warehouse (The)
4815 Bissonnet Bellaire, TX 77401 
General Information Principal : Mr. Sherwood Gregory Gen Mgr Customer Contact: Ms. Dana Andry Office Manager Phone Number: (713) 661-5111 Type-of-Business Classification: Doors & Windows Customer Experience Based on BBB files, this company has an unsatisfactory record with the Bureau due to unanswered complaint(s).

Closed Complaints Number of complaints processed by the BBB in last 36 Months: 4 
Number of complaints processed by the BBB in last 12 months: 2 

-----Original Message-----
From: M.G. Anseman
Sent: Wednesday, March 06, 2002 4:33 PM
To: ssqq@houston.rr.com
Subject: Re: door warehouse truck

Yes another student and I were there together

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Rick Archer"  
To: "MG Anseman wk"  
Sent: Wednesday, March 06, 2002 1:54 PM
Subject: door warehouse truck

MG, was it you that I pointed out the door warehouse truck parked in our parking lot on Monday? 

Rick Archer

Classes begin the week of Sunday, March 3.
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/schedule.htm

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE MARCH SCHEDULE.

March marks the return of the legendary LATIN HUSTLE, the famous Disco partner dance from Saturday Night Fever. Taught by Judy Archer, this special course hopes that you have already had Intermediate Swing dance or Beginning West Coast Swing since the pace of the class is swift. Learn the new timing, the unique styling, all the clever footwork, and discover why Latin Hustle is so much fun!

Gloria Sanchez teaches INTERMEDIATE LINDY HOP, America's first Swing dance, on Sundays at 4:30 pm. Lindy Hop is a tricky dance that is much loved by the Swing crowd.

On Sunday evenings at 7 pm Judy Archer brings back BEGINNING WESTERN CHA CHA, a very popular course which shows you how to dance Cha Cha to slow, romantic Western Polka music. Cha Cha is easy to learn and super fun to dance and flirt with!

The BEGINNING WHIP/WEST COAST SWING SUPERCLASS returns in March on Mondays and Thursdays. Whip & WCS are highly technical, impressive partner dances used to Disco, Blues, & Rock music. They are wonderful dances to tackle, but very tricky. At SSQQ, Whip & WCS is offered twice a week for 2 hours at a time. Progress is much swifter in this format. This explains why it is called the Superclass. Plus starting Whip/WCS in March will prepare you the famous Sleazy Bar Whip Party in April!

March is NIGHT CLUB TWOSTEP month at SSQQ. Not only does Sharon Crawford offer a fabulous Advanced level Night Club course on Wednesdays, but our PAJAMA PARTY on March 23 will offer a Susie Merrill Crash Course with original advanced Night Club patterns and there will be a Beginner Crash Course as well. Then we can spend the whole evening "Night Club" dancing in our Pajamas!! Sounds very romantic. Bring your pillows, PJs and Teddy Bears!

DEATH VALLEY LEVEL 3 returns on Fridays with Susie Merrill, coach of the SSQQ Heartbeat Western Dance team. This is a great chance to learn some tough, flashy new patterns & the latest in 'western dance technique' from Coach Susie, then stay for our popular Friday Night Western dance party to practice on the spot!

MARTIAN WHIP began a new era in January. After two months, the reaction to our new format has been very favorable. Thursdays cover advanced styling techniques for both men and women in the first hour. The second hour features advanced patterns taught by Rick Archer. Then on Friday there is a review of Thursday night's material in the first hour followed by completely different patterns in the second hour. Sign up for either night and get the 2nd night at no extra charge!

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SSQQ DANCE PARTIES IN MARCH

THE SSQQ SAINT PATRICK'S DAY SWING PARTY
Saturday, March 9, 9:15-Midnight
Cover charge $7
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party05.htm

CRASH COURSES 7-9 pm

CROWDED FLOOR SWING MOVES - Bryan Spivey
BLAME IT ON THE BOSSA NOVA - Judy Archer
BEG LINDY HOP - Gloria Sanchez
SINATRA BOX FOX - Maureen Brunetti
SHIM SHAM LINE DANCE & JITTERBUG STROLL! - Patty Or

WEAR SOME GREEN AND MAKE THE SCENE!!
Music Swing in Room 1 plus requests, Salsa in Room 4 plus requests.

(SSQQ TRIVIA QUESTION - It turns out one SSQQ Staffer was born on Saint Patrick's Day. First correct guess gets a free March Practice Night. One guess per person. Email to dance@ssqq.com )


THE FIRST EVER SSQQ PAJAMA PARTY AND LIP SYNC SHOW!!
Saturday, February 23, 9:15-Midnight
Cover charge $7 with Pajamas, $9 without
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party06.htm

CRASH COURSES 7-9 pm

BEG C&W : TEXAS TWOSTEP - Carol
TWOSTEP CIRCLE TURNS - Mo
BEG NIGHT CLUB - Sharon
ADV NIGHT CLUB (brand new patterns!) - Susie
BEG WEST COAST SWING - Victoria
FLIRTIN' W YOUR FEET (WCS) - Anita (ladies only)

WEAR PAJAMAS OR STAY HOME WITH YOUR MOMMAS!
Music Western, Swing, Waltz, Night Club in Room 1, Whip and West Coast Swing in Room 4

The whole point of a Pajama Party is to wear Pajamas. We don't need Victoria Secret stuff. We just want good old fashioned Pajamas! Bathrobes will work too. Comfy warm-up outfits are okay in a pinch. Blue jeans and dresses are definitely frowned on.

The SSQQ Lip Sync Show is a funny takeoff on famous songs performed by SSQQ Staff members plus any student who wishes to participate. Although the skits are not always well rehearsed and the lines to the music occasionally flubbed, you might be surprised to find yourself laughing uncontrollably. These skits are pretty funny! If you have an idea for a skit, please email Rick Archer at dance@ssqq.com and join the Revue Crew!

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THE SSQQ - LEISURE LEARNING CARIBBEAN CRUISE
August 25 - September 1
http://ssqq.com/information/travel.htm

Travel Agent: Anne Adams, Vacations to Go
713 957 1705  
aadams@vacationstogo.com

SSQQ has scheduled a 7-night Caribbean Cruise on Royal Caribbean's 'Rhapsody of the Sea'. This year's trip will set sail the last week in August 2002. We will depart from Galveston for adventures to Key West, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel.

Last year SSQQ sponsored a cruise to Mexico that was a lot of fun, but also ran into some bad luck. On the plus side we took a staggering total of 101 people. Highlights included groups of 50 people dancing Salsa by day, Western and Whip at night, and plenty of poolside fun among the Lido Deck crowd. On the downside we weren't pleased with the dancing facilities. And the walls were a bit thin for some of our guests. But the biggest problem came when we ran into serious weather difficulties. We expected to visit Cozumel and Cancun, but Hurricane Chantal decided to meet us there at the same time. Our ship was diverted to another port at the last minute which explains how we ended up in Vera Cruz. Unfortunately Vera Cruz was not a popular destination and we were disappointed, but other than that the trip was generally well received.

There was plenty of dance and romance on the 2001 trip. With 101 guests - 3/5ths of them single - there were opportunities aplenty to court and spark. This year we travel on a ship that holds 2,400 people. The ship-wide estimate is that 2/5ths of the guests are single. You do the math. The chances for romance among 1,000 guests are pretty good for starters. Or if you prefer to stay within our own group there will likely be 100 unattached passengers. That is a lot of single people. On what do we base this prediction?

I honestly believe we can expect to shatter last year's impressive 100 mark. 200 is not out of the question. Maybe even more! Why? How?

For one thing, we are on a remarkable ship this year. The Rhapsody of the Sea is unbelievably luxurious! This boat, built in 1997, is breathtakingly beautiful. You absolutely must see the pictures on our web site to begin to understand just how gorgeous this ship is.

Second, this year the dancing will be much better because we have better dance floors. The dancing was fun last year, but we lacked a good place to dance as a group at night. The Rhapsody is designed to promote dancing. For example in February 2002 the Rhapsody of the Seas was chosen to host a Ballroom Dancing cruise specifically because of its large, beautiful dance floors. That Ballroom cruise trip drew several hundred people.

In particular the Rhapsody features the "Shall We Dance" Lounge. As its name suggests, this venue is dedicated strictly to Swing dancing, Ballroom dancing, and partner dancing to Top 40 music. Each night after dinner the Shall We Dance Lounge becomes a dance club complete with live ballroom dance and party music from 7:30 pm till 11 pm. (Note: there is also a Disco in another part of the boat.) This lounge is highly praised as a place that caters to 'sophisticated dancers'.

Other dance opportunities include rumors of a Sock Hop night as well as the fancy, upscale Captain's Welcome Aboard Party. My point is Royal Caribbean has the best reputation in the cruise industry for catering to people who like to dance the way we like to dance.

An important last minute development for this year has SSQQ combining energies with Leisure Learning Unlimited, our long-time business partner (22 years). Leisure Learning will participate jointly in promoting this trip in its catalogue and on its web site. With a distribution of 160,000 catalogues, it doesn't take much of an imagination to expect an increase in attendance. The number of people participating in this trip should easily exceed even last year's unbelievable total. Who would have thought 100 was possible last year? Well, this year promises to be even greater.

Depending on the number of passengers in our group, Leisure Learning will bring some of its most popular teachers along to conduct workshops during the day to supplement the SSQQ dance lessons. These dance lessons and workshops will of course be free.

And unlike last year's trip, there is a Card and Game Room dedicated to groups who want to play games. As a result this year we will have a Trivial Pursuits Match, a crazy game of Charades, a Scavenger Hunt, plus a team Jigsaw Puzzle contest that will become popular additions to the workshops, dance lessons, and late into the night slow dancing and romancing.

This year's trip is organized through Vacations to Go. VTG has handled our two previous trips in 1998 and 2001 with excellence. I personally priced this trip through two other travel agencies and can vouch without a doubt that Vacations to Go had the lowest bid. You have my word on this.

Anne Adams will be our coordinator again this year as well. Anne did a magnificent job organizing our vast number of passengers last year and did a great job of finding roommates for everyone as well.

And I am pleased to note that this year she has added a direct phone line to cut down on the phone tag!

In summary Royal Caribbean is the thoroughbred of Cruise Lines. They have an enormous reputation for excellence, entertainment, and opulence. Apparently they have nearly sold out a couple of their early summer cruises already and expect to sell every one of their 2,500 available spaces on this August cruise as well.

They are so confident that this trip will sell out that they will only hold our reservations till early April. This puts SSQQ in a definite "put up or shut up" position. This means we have to start getting some people to commit to the trip right away or our reserved space will be taken away from us.

Royal Caribbean's refund policy allows anyone to reserve a cabin by credit card for $250. This money is completely refundable as late as June 25th. I have worked with Vacations to Go now on two different trips and I have not heard one complaint about monkey business. If VTG says your deposit is completely refundable if requested before June 25th, then this is a fact.

If everyone waits for someone else to make the first move, you have missed the point. If you want to go, there is no risk to sign up now and relax while you see how the trip fills up.

In other words you can put down a deposit to hold your cabin for THREE MONTHS at no charge. There is no risk of losing your money, but there is a risk that we can lose our reservations if everyone waits till the last minute to make their move. Let me say this one more time: If you sign up now and something unexpected comes up, you have till June 25th to get your entire deposit back.

The sooner people climb on board, the sooner the snowball effect we saw last year will begin. And who knows? If everyone who is interested shows their hand quickly, maybe the snowball effect will turn into an avalanche. Or should I say tidal wave? Maybe not the best marketing slogan. Let's try this one instead: Get out of the closet and make a deposit.

In the meantime, if you have a general question about the trip, contact me at dance@ssqq.com

For money questions, room descriptions, rates, and detailed stuff like that, you would be better off contacting Anne Adams.

Email: Aadams@vacationstogo.com
Phone: 713 957 1705

I hope you will join us!

For more information about this year's cruise:
http://ssqq.com/information/travel.htm

Story of Last Year's Cruise:
http://ssqq.com/information/travel01.htm

Pictures from Last Year's Cruise:
http://ssqq.com/information/caribbean1.htm

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PICTURE JOKE OF THE MONTH - STARS WITHOUT MAKEUP!!
Contributed by Sylvia Tucker

"Without custom fit clothing, two hours with a hair stylist, three hours in the make-up chair, and computerized picture improvements to remove wrinkles and blemishes, even I don't look like Cheryl Tiegs most of the time." - Cheryl Tiegs, famous Sports Illustrated swim suit model of the 70s and 80s.
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/jokepicture.htm

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BATTLE OF THE SEXES SHE SAID - OBSERVATIONS OF MEN
Contributed by Anita Williams

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

What did God say after creating man?
Surely I can do better than that.

What did God say after creating Eve?
Practice makes perfect.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.

Why are these jokes so short?
To make it easier for men to understand them.

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BATTLE OF THE SEXES HE SAID - THE SHOPPING SPREE
Contributed by Donna Ruth and Carole Nelson

There is an old saying that Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. When I met my future wife, her kisses left a lot to be desired -- the rest of her. I had to have her, but her reply had a certain ring to it: wedding ring or suffering.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Not long after the ceremony I stared to wonder if "I do" is the longest sentence. Our sex life changed immediately - my new wife began to act like she was in bed with a relative.

Since then I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. I have definitely never figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. Maybe the problem is food-related. In the beginning one bite of an apple started this whole mess. Now I will never figure out how a woman can go from a nymph to a nun after just one bite of wedding cake.

One evening a few months into the marriage, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion in me started to heat up. I made a move which to my surprise was blocked by her hand with jujitsu swiftness. Then I heard those chilling words dreaded by every warm-blooded man.

"Oh honey, I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT?!"

My wife explained to me that lately I was not in tune with her emotional needs as a woman and that sometimes she needed a little space. I'm thinking, "I guess I know why the secret to a happy marriage is called a secret. I haven't got a clue."

"Can we talk about this?"

"Sure. But I'm really tired. Let's wait until morning."

I realized that nothing would happen that night. After some useless hugging that went nowhere, I turned over and went to sleep very horny and very frustrated. In the morning I definitely got up on the wrong side of the bed.

It seemed to me our talk consisted mainly about her deep-seated need to go shopping. Recently we had actually started to save money due to a strange quirk. Not long ago my wife's credit card had been stolen but I decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than my wife did. Just kidding.

Actually she did forget where she had put her credit card one day, but I was the one who found it and hid it from her. I stalled as long as I could, but finally she wheedled a promise we could use my card instead. This provoked an uncontrollable desire to use it soon. Soon as in NOW.

As part of our soul-searching talk, she asked me to take her to 'look at some clothes'. Oh sure. What's wrong with looking at clothes in the twenty catalogues sitting on the coffee table? That argument was met with an icy stare, so off we went.

I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. I couldn't help but wonder if the disappointment from the night before was somehow linked to feelings of deprivation from the missing credit card. I decided to try an experiment. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. Astonished, she immediately began to probe my limits.

She asked me for matching shoes worth $200 each to which I said, "OK." I was in a strange mood.

My wife was on a roll. She hurried to the Jewelry Department where she instantly fell in love with a set of diamond earrings. Let me say this ...she was so excited! She must have thought that my brain had turned to oatmeal, but I don't think she cared.

She was obviously still in a testing mood when she asked for a tennis bracelet. She doesn't even play tennis. Her reaction was almost sexual when I nodded yes. What the heck. She asked me to start carrying some of the loot. Do they have fork lifts for serial shoppers when you need it?

There was a frenzy about my wife that I hadn't seen since the wedding cake had given her sex poisoning. You should have seen the fire in her eyes! Maybe she was just trying to close the deal, but it was working. I was getting aroused just watching her excitement. Her voice dripped with promise as she whispered in my ear, "I'm ready to go! Let's pay for this stuff and hurry home!"

I knew my mouth had a death wish, but I could hardly contain myself as I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. Then it went cold. To that I added, "Really, honey! Why don't you just HOLD this stuff for a while? We can save a lot of money if we pay cash up front later instead of charging it now. It would make me feel a lot better."

Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Part of a man's self respect is based in avoiding senseless financial debt. I hope you understand that spending money wisely helps me feel good about myself."

She stared at me and sized me up. Finally she blurted out, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

I replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in heat and overlooked it."

After that remark the only sex we ever had again was Courtroom Sex. I learned the hard way this is where you get divorced and watch while you get screwed by your sex-ex in front of everyone.

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RESULTS OF THE FEBRUARY SSQQ GEOGRAPHY QUIZ

In February, we had a Geography Contest.

Our winners were Robert Lynch (1st place), Viqar Anwar (2nd place), Melanie Johnson (3rd place), and Frank Evans (honorable mention). Robert and Vic turned in some of the best results I have ever seen while Melanie just barely edged out Frank for the bronze.

Thank you all for playing!!

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THE MARCH SSQQ QUIZ: THE INFAMOUS EINSTEIN PUZZLE

Located in the nether regions of the SSQQ Web Site is a curious logic puzzle know as the Infamous Einstein Puzzle. http://ssqq.com/archive/vinlin06.htm

Einstein's Puzzle is a logic riddle that consists of 15 clues. It was sent to me by Donna Ruth back in 1998. Donna of course had it sent to her by someone else. I suppose it is likely this puzzle has been around the world several times. The note read that Albert Einstein himself wrote this quiz and that he believed that 98% of the world could not figure it out.

Well, to be honest, I was pretty skeptical that Mr. E = MC Squared himself had taken the time to write this little puzzle, but in the spirit of things, I pretended it was true. Desperate to see myself as brighter than 98% of the human race, I put aside everything and began to hammer out the puzzle. Several hours later I came up with an answer I was happy with.

Whether Sir Albert wrote it or not doesn't really matter. I thought the puzzle was difficult, but very interesting. Most important, I thought the puzzle was fair.

Afterwards I put the puzzle on the SSQQ Web Site in 1998. Over the years since 1998, people from all over the world have emailed me to confirm their solutions to the Einstein Puzzle. Just this February, I have received emails from 20 different people. The most recent one was from a college professor named Don Thomas:

Thu 02/28/2002 6:04 AM
"It took me about 1 hour and 45 minutes to firgure it out by drawing 5 house pictures. My son who is 15 figured it out in 10 minutes (ugh) and my 24 year old daughter figured it out 1 hour and 30 minutes. (Do younger minds see it more clearly and quickly because they have less mental bad habits and/or less clutter in their minds?! hmmm...) I changed the names of the cigarettes to different chewing gums and plan to give the puzzle to my gifted and talented students to see how long they take. Thanks for publishing the puzzle! DMT"

The March SSQQ Puzzle is the Infamous Einstein Puzzle. Everyone who solves it gets a free Practice Night in March. Be sure to tell me you are from SSQQ because I need to publish your name in the next SSQQ Newsletter as well!
http://ssqq.com/archive/vinlin06.htm

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JOKE I : WHAT IS IN A NAME?
Contributed by Mike Guillory

One day a small boy was at school. In Social Studies class his teacher was talking about last names, about how in the old days their last name used to be their occupation. She gave examples like Baker, which meant they where a baker for a living, Miller meant that person worked in a paper mill, Smith worked with metal, Archer was a bowman, and so on.

Twenty minutes later the subject had changed to a study of the Constitution and its signers.

A little boy raised his hand and the teacher said "Do you have a question?"

"Well, yes" said the little boy, "What did John Hancock do for a living?"

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SSQQ STAFF BIOGRAPHIES
http://ssqq.com/information/ssqqstaff.htm

Wed 02/20/2002 9:24 AM
"Congratulations on updating the SSQQ Web site! It was pretty fun before and now it is even better; categories are easier to find and read, the artwork is coordinated, and you've added new categories.

My favorite new category is SSQQ Staff Biographies. I already knew the dance teachers were awesome, but knowing more about them makes me see them in a different light. Hey, they're human too! LOL

I enjoy the SSQQ Web site so much that whenever I get annoyed with work or a little depressed, I check out the Web site for a quick attitude adjustment. When I read (and re-read) the articles, it reminds me of all the fun I've had at SSQQ for the last 8 years. I really appreciate what you, your family, and staff have achieved in SSQQ. 

Peggy Head"

(Editor's Note: We added Staff Bios because several students asked us to. At this point only about half of the SSQQ Staff has given us their bio. If you would, bug your teacher to get on the ball and send one in!)

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BUSTED

In last month's Newsletter, I fearlessly predicted the Rams would walk over the Patriots 45-7 in the Super Bowl. Basically I was mad that the Super Bowl conflicted with the start of classes that Sunday. That was going to cost me a lot of money. Since it was a widely predicted blowout anyway, I selfishly hoped that people would agree with me and come to class instead of watching the Super Bowl.

Instead it turned out to be one of the two or three best upsets in the history of the sport. We had the game on during class with the sound off in Room 2. The game was so good I wished I had taken the night off and watched it myself. I expected to be teased about my mistake by countless millions, but I got lucky and only got one poke in the ribs. The next day Steve Mink good-naturedly gave me a hard time about it.

Monday, February 04, 2002 1:04 PM
"I'm sure you're getting a ton of emails over this foot-in-mouth incident, as well you should! :o)
Steve Mink"

Mon 02/04/2002 2:48 PM
"Uh, you are the only one so far. However I did notice my prediction was pretty off base. ;-)
Rick Archer"

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JOKE II: THE DEVIL AND THE NEW ENGLANDER
Contributed by Jill Banta

A New Englander dies and is sent to hell. He had been a horrible man throughout life and even the devil wanted to punish him, so he puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it worse he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. "Love my kingdom!" laughs the devil.

After a couple of days the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as he looks at the New Englander happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"

The New Englander, smiling big, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in New England. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the New Englander's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the New Englander is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.

Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The New Englander replies, "This is great! Just like April in New England. It reminds me of working out in the fields with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled.

Angry, and desperate to make hell really hell, he tries one last ditch effort. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the New Englander unhappy. The devil checks in on the New Englander.

He is aghast at what he sees! The New Englander is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.

"You idiot! How in the hell can you be so happy in Hell? Don't you know it's 40 below zero!?"
screams the devil.

Jumping up and down the New Englander throws a snowball at the devil and yells,
"Hell's frozen over!! This means the Patriots must have won the Super Bowl!!!"

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THE SSQQ MARCH COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH

Sun 02/17/2002 5:44 PM
"Dear Mr. Archer,

I am currently taking a beginner class with "name omitted". This past week, the class was less than satisfactory. It started about 10 minutes late, and we spent most of the time reviewing the moves we learned in the first session. Only about 20 minutes at the end of the class were used to learn one new move. The most frustrating part, however, was the fact that the teacher would rather hear themself talk than see us dance. We would be all ready to do a move, and then they'd say "Hold it, let me show how not to do it" and launch into a lengthy explanation of reasoning behind every move. At one point the women spent at least 15 minutes just standing around waiting for the men to go through their footwork maybe once or twice - the rest of the time was spent listening to the teacher show us how not to dance. On top of that, with only 30 minutes left in the class after the break, the teacher decided to read the entire description of crash courses and parties coming up in t!
he next two weekends, while at the same time complaining that how they can't read too well without their glasses. I know I'm not alone in my frustration, several of my classmates have expressed dissatisfaction with the class.

This is the first class I've ever taken at SSQQ. I would like to take more, but I will certainly not be taking any more classes taught by "name omitted".

Thank you for your attention."

Reply: "Fortunately you have two other nights to choose from. I will pass on your comments to the teacher and omit your name. Hopefully a word to the wise will be sufficient.
Rick Archer"

(Editor's Note: This complaint sounds credible to me. Of all the complaints I get about our classes, the most common one is about instructors who talk too much. I have been a dance student myself and I know how irritating it is to want to get to the dancing only to hear the instructor pause to say one more thing, then one more thing after that. And as a dance instructor, I know there have been times when I was guilty of this exact mistake.

All I can say is I am sorry and I will pass the complaint on the entire staff.)

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JOKE III: WHY SSQQ INSISTS ON NAME TAGS
Contributed by Carole Nelson

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.

Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For three minutes she just stared and glared and frowned at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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SPEAKING OF THE SUPER BOWL - THE ULTIMATE GATE CRASHER

Rick Reilly is an award-winning columnist for Sports Illustrated. I find his stories absolutely fascinating. I hope you enjoy this story as much as I did.

The Ultimate Gate Crasher
By Rick Reilly
Sports Illustrated


Coming the Big Easy, 72 year old Dion Rich had sneaked, weaseled, conned, bluffed, tricked and bamboozled his way into 32 straight Super Bowls, the record for a man refusing to touch his wallet.

Wait. Not just into the games, but often onto the fields and into the locker rooms. That's Rich on the winner's podium with Vince Lombardi and Pete Rozelle after the first Super Bowl. That's him helping to carry Cowboys coach Tom Landry off the field after XII. That's him whispering sweet nothings into coach Joe Gibbs' ear as the Redskins run off after winning XVII.

Wait, wait. It's not only Super Bowls. Rich has gone ticketless into World Series games, title fights, America's Cup races, Kentucky Derbies, and 14 Olympics. Basically, he's Red Smith without the deadlines. He's also crashed eight Academy Awards, as proved by pictures like the one of him with his arm around Gwyneth Paltrow after she won her Oscar. He even has a snap of himself at the Playboy Mansion, in Hugh Hefner's bathrobe.

It's not that Rich is poor. He's made boatloads in real estate and other things. "But why pay when you don't have to?" he asks.

Then came our recent Super Bowl XXXVI, hard on the heels of 9/11. The NFL spend $7 million on a mammoth security effort manned by the Secret Service, the FBI, FEMA, the National Guard, US Marshals and dozens of state and local law-enforcement agencies. The week looked bleak for the Sneak Streak.

It got worse. Everywhere Rich looked, there were Jeeps, Humvees and even tanks. There were more wands around him than at a fairy godmother convention. Security was triple anything he had seen before. A 10-foot-high chain-link barbed-wire fence was put up around the perimeter of the Louisiana Superdome.

Mission Impossible? Definitely.

Dion cased the Superdome and declared it tighter than Joan River's eyelids. How cold any of his tricks work? The wheelchair? Claiming to be a ref? Pretending to be with the team, the band, the stadium crew? The Coke-bottle bifocals? The bag of press credentials? "IF every Super Bowl was like this," he sighed in a media center he wasn't supposed to be in last Thursday, "I'd retire."

Not only that, but he was sure he was being followed. The NFL admits it has tailed him. "Oh, yeah, I've heard of him," Milt Ahlerich, the league's vice president of security, grumbled when asked. The NFL once told Rich if it ever caught him on the field again, he'd be finding out if he could sneak out of jail. He agreed to stay off the fields - but he never said anything about stadiums.

A streak is a streak, wartime or peace, and the Gate Crasher knew what lay before him: he must scale the insurmountable citadel. The day of the big game arrived. Wearing a blue blazer and a tie, an Albert Einstein haircut and glasses on the end of his pointy nose, Dion Rich set off to penetrate the most impenetrable sports fortress in US history.

So who won and who lost? The fortress lost. Rich was inside in six minutes. I know this for a fact because I followed him the whole way. It was pure art.

He doddered, darted, acted addled and hurried, slunk through tiny spaces and sped through unguarded ones. He never stopped walking and never started hearing. He nudged his way through the masses at the first security checkpoint and ticket check, waited until a young guard (he always looks for the youngest) had her head buried in a bag, sidestepped past her and through the one-foot gap between the metal detector and a fence. Then he buttonhooked a distracted wand man, did a pirouette around a bored National Guardsman that would've made Fred Astaire weep and then beat it up a ramp. He was never security-screened. Thank God he's on our side.

Now he had to get by the ticket rippers. He found a bank of unmanned doors locked from the inside, waited until a supervisor came barreling out of one, lithely slid his loafer into the gap before it closed and stepped through it as casually as if he were entering his own kitchen. "When am I going to learn never to bet against myself?" he said, grinning.

Make it 33 in a row.

Memo to NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue: $7 million wasn't enough. Memo to Salt Lake Olympic Committee: He'll be there this week watching on the house.

I didn't hear from Dion again until midnight. He called from inside the Rams' postgame party, gobbling free gumbo and sipping the delicious merlot wine courtesy of the National Football League.

(Editor's Note: I am certain that Dion would never get past an SSQQ Hall Monitor!!)

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THE BUM AND THE WELL-DRESSED MAN
Contributed by Sam DeMora

A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street.

"Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?"

The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?"

"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.

"Your not going to buy cigarettes, are you?"

"No sir, I don't smoke either," says the bum.

"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman.

"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.

"You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?" asks the man.

"Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf."

The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"

"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or play golf.

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ROMANCE IN MOVIES!

Reprinted from the Houston Chronicle
Wednesday 08/15/01

ROMANCE ON THE SILVER SCREEN MAY HOLD THE KEY TO TRUE LOVE

By Don Oldenburg
Washington Post


Ever sink deep into your seat in a darkened movie theater as you realize the love story projected on the big screen is your own?

It's not uncommon, according to Marcia Millman, who says many romance movies strike emotional chords in audiences because they reflect plot lines and themes that emerge time and again in our own lives.

"These are kind of universal stories," says Millman, author of 'The Seven Stories of Love: And How to Choose Your Own Happy Ending' (William Morrow, $25). "I don't know how deliberately or consciously the studio people are thinking about this, but they are coming up with plots that key into very profound experiences and emotional fantasies."

Hollywood writes its passion plots for entertainment and box office boffo. Millman sees another value altogether: Many classic romance movies can be instructive, even therapeutic, in helping us understand our romantic attractions and disappointments. Then we can rewrite our romances with happy endings.

Buried in the plot lines of films such as 'Casablanca' and 'Dirty Dancing' are the answers, she says, to such timeless questions as "Why do I always fall for the wrong guy?" and "Should I risk everything for love?" By recognizing these seven basic love stories that are re-enacted over and over in films, fiction and life, Millman says, we can connect with the motives and early experiences that unconsciously drive our choices and behavior in relationships.

First Love: 'Titanic' and 'Dirty Dancing.' This is a powerful plot line for youths when finding romance has much to do with "breaking away from our parents and finding our own identity," says Millman. Later in life, as in The Way We Were, some people long for their first love to recapture their youth or when something's missing in their current relationship.

Pygmalion: 'My Fair Lady,' 'Educating Rita' and 'Working Girl.' The mentor-and-protege plot revolves around the older partner's need for admiration and control, and the younger one's desire to grow. This story line often triggers emotions in women who lost their fathers at an early age.

Obsessive Love: 'Play Misty for Me' and 'Fatal Attraction.' This often is wrongly characterized as "loving too much," says Millman; instead, it's more about a lover whose fear of abandonment and anger drive him to control his partner.

The Downstairs Woman and the Upstairs Man: 'Pretty Woman' and 'You've Got Mail.' One of the most popular stories usually involves a bright, ambitious woman from a poor and unconnected background who falls in love with a powerful and wealthy man out of her reach. "Her aim is to win the love of a powerful man to make up for the father who paid no attention to her or rejected her," Millman says.

Sacrifice: 'Casablanca,' 'The Bridges of Madison County' and 'The End of the Affair.' This more typically middle-age story is ostensibly about sacrificing once-in-a-lifetime happiness for a higher moral purpose or principle - not hurting someone else, a higher calling. "What these people are often afraid of is passion," says Millman. "So now, in middle age, it may be they are less afraid of it."

Rescue: 'Beauty and the Beast,' 'Run Lola Run' and 'What Dreams May Come.' Common for both men and women, it's the tale of falling in love with someone who's been wounded in the past, and unconsciously seeking to rescue one's self by saving the lover.

The Courage to Love - 'Postponement and Avoidance: An Affair to Remember,' 'Sleepless in Seattle' and 'Forever Young.' Perhaps the all-time favorite, it's about having the faith that love will survive every obstacle. Such stories are about "someone who has been inhibited or afraid and finally takes a chance on love and it works out well," Millman says. "That really brings tears to people's eyes."

Millman says the seven basic love stories, like myths, reflect existential human problems - all evolving from common childhood experiences that have an impact on our later loves, influencing the kind of mates we choose and how we behave in romantic relationships. While we can never change our primary love stories, we can, however, change their endings.

"We all have one major story we keep coming back to," says Millman.

"Your significant partner is the person you're projecting a lot of the things from your childhood on that you are working through," she explains. "At different points in life, different scenarios become prominent. When we are youngsters, love and obsessive love are more common. Some of the other stories are reflecting psychological experiences that last a lifetime, like rescue or sacrifice or avoidance."

While some people live out their scenarios with hardly a heartache, others never find happiness. "There may be an optimal degree in which your partner taps into your scenario just enough that it gives the relationship an extra zing," Millman says. On the other hand, if you find yourself "intensely repeating one story over and over again, and it always ends up badly, that's when you need to understand your scenario and consider other choices."

Millman, a sociology professor, first began using the plots of romance movies to analyze how people love while teaching her course on romantic love at the University of California at Santa Cruz. Academic colleagues sometimes tease her about being "the Love Professor," though her research background includes five books based on real-world narratives, including The Unkindest Cut: Life in the Backrooms of Medicine and Such a Pretty Face: Being Fat in America.

But is narrowing the possibilities of romantic love to seven basic scenarios, as seen in the movies, pop-culture reductionism?

"Not at all. It is not reductionist to observe patterns in human behavior," says psychologist Judith Sills, author of four books on romance and relationships, including How to Stop Looking for Someone Perfect and Find Someone to Love (out of print) and A Fine Romance : The Psychology of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage (Ballantine).

"If you observe the patterns keenly enough and wisely enough, you leave room for tremendous variation in the details. But there are only so many stories in the naked city, and that's just a fact. Not only can you look for patterns in romantic relationships, but it is also very helpful to," Sills says.

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IS IT SAINT PATRICK'S DAY YET?
Joke Contributed by Mike Guillory

A man asks the only other guy in the bar if he can buy him a drink.
"Of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks him, "Where are you from?"
"Ireland," replies the second.
"I'm from Ireland, too! Let's have another round, to Ireland."
"Cheers!" replies the other, and they both toss back their drinks.
The first man asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it!" says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin, too! Let's have another drink, to Dublin!"
Then the first man asks, "What school did you go to?"
"St. Mary's," replies the second. "I graduated in '65."
"This is unbelievable," the first man says. "I went to St. Mary's and graduated in '65, too! God and the leprechauns have brought us together!"
About this time another man sits down at the bar. "What's going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Not much," he replies. "The O'Malley twins are so drunk they don't even recognize each other."

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NEVER TRUST A STRANGER
Contributed by Crista Reuss (my daughter's Ballet teacher)

About a month ago there was a woman standing by the Memorial Mall entrance passing out flyers to all the women going in. The woman had written the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she might warn other women.

The previous day, this woman had finished shopping, went out to her car and discovered that she had a flat. She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat.

A nice man dressed in business suit and carrying a briefcase walked up to her and said, "I noticed you're changing a flat tire. Would you like me to take care of it for you?"

The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help. They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put the flat tire and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his hands off.

The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to get in her car, the man told her that he left his car around on the other side of the mall, and asked if she would mind giving him a lift to his car.

She was a little surprised and she asked him why his car was on other side.

He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall that he hadn't seen for some time and they had a bite to eat and visited for a while; he got turned around in the mall and left through the wrong exit, and now he was running late and his car was clear around on the other side of the mall.

The woman hated to tell him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her flat tire all by herself, but she felt uneasy. Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.

She told him that she'd be happy to drive him around to his car, but she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy.

She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit down in her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be.

She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard what had happened; the guard came out to her car with her, but the man had left.

They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and took it down to the police station. The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man). What they found was rope, duct tape, and knives. When the police checked her "flat" tire, there was nothing wrong with it; the air had simply been let out.

It was obvious what the man's intention was, and obvious that he had carefully thought it out in advance. The woman was blessed to have escaped harm. How much worse it would have been if she had not used her judgment and given him a lift?

(Editor's Note: I imagine every woman older than 12 has heard a story like this. For that matter this story could be total BS. I get a lot of stories sent to me that turn out to be nonsense.

However in this case I know a woman who had this EXACT TRICK pulled on her while she was a freshman in college. In her case, she got into her car in a shopping center parking lot only to have a man knock on her window to explain about a flat tire she had. Since she lived across the street, she decided it was no problem to drive home no matter what shape the tire was in, so she thanked him politely and drove off. To her surprise, there was nothing wrong with the tire. A couple days later there was a story of a woman assaulted in the same parking lot by a man using the identical trick.

Let me add that Ted Bundy, the infamous serial killer, actually rode up to women in a wheelchair. He also appeared to have a broken arm in a cast. The women who lived said he pleaded for help getting his wheelchair into his Volkswagen Beetle or a van. He would struggle out of his wheelchair and lay helplessly on the ground as the woman pushed the wheel chair in the van... then suddenly the cast would fall off and his paralysis would disappear as he shoved the Good Samaritan woman into the van. The deaths of 36 different young, beautiful women in the prime of their lives have been attributed to Bundy, an extremely handsome, charming man by all accounts. He knew exactly how to get a woman to let down her guard using his looks, his charm, and his helplessness.

It never hurts to be reminded of the incredible danger of parking lots and allowing strangers to get too close. Let me add we have never once had an incident in the SSQQ parking lot. However if you are parked way out on First Street, ask someone to accompany you to your car. It doesn't hurt to take precautions.)

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COMPUTERIZED REGISTRATION COMING TO SSQQ SOON

Last month I wrote about an incident where a man felt victimized because he was denied entry to his class. He didn't have his receipt and we couldn't find his name on the class roster. This incident was so aggravating to me that I have invested $10,000 in a new computer system designed to upgrade the SSQQ Registration process. Starting in March - or April if necessary - we will use computers for walk-in registration. Combined with our already successful On-Line Registration system, this will allow us to have a computerized recording of all class rosters. This will hopefully prevent incidents such as the one above from happening again.

In time it will also mean we have the power to limit the size of classes. With an accurate count of the people registered, we can prevent overcrowding.

We aren't there yet, but that's where we are heading.

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DEAR ABBY - DANCING WITH MORE EXPERIENCED WOMEN AT PRACTICE NIGHT

"Rick, I have one dilemma that you may some thoughts about. Beginner ladies can dance with men of many levels because the man leads the woman. As a beginner man, I've only learned a few moves and can only dance with women who know the same or less than me. I compare it to the freshman girl, who can be asked out by freshmen through senior guys. The freshman guy can only ask out freshmen girls (assuming older women won't go out with younger guys).
What are your thoughts?

Joseph C."

Reply: You have a legitimate concern, Joseph. My advice is to talk amongst the women in your dance class and persuade a couple ladies in the class to stay afterwards to practice with you. Believe me, the women are in a similar boat - they would love to know there is a guy from their class who is staying that they can practice with. This will allow them to have it both ways - dance with someone at their own level plus the chance to dance with the more experienced men as well. Let me add that anyone who organizes a group to stay and practice is going to be appreciated for making the effort.

Finally, dancing is a social activity. Most women are interested in being social as well as dancing at the top of their game. At Practice Night most women who stay are well aware there are going to be several beginners in the crowd. These women stay to meet people as well as to dance.

Unlike a dance hall where women are more on their guard, these women are in the mood to dance and they aren't afraid of strangers. Furthermore I do not know one woman at the studio who has a reputation for turning men down because they are beginners. I imagine snobs like this exist, but they are a rarity at SSQQ. Life in the Fast Lane types usually avoid my studio like the plague. On the other hand we attract born social workers by the droves.

The point is - if a song starts and you see a lady sitting out the song, ask her to dance. Just say something along the lines of, "Would you like to dance? I have to warn you I am a beginner so you might be in some danger."

Not all will say yes. They may be tired. But you will be pleasantly surprised at the high percentage of women who will be more than happy to dance with you.

Rick Archer

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THE END

And by the way, as you can see, the SSQQ Newsletter is mostly written by people just like you who send stuff in. If you have any comments, suggestions, requests, complaints, jokes, pictures or poetry to share, please send it to me, Rick Archer, at ssqq@houston.rr.com

And thanks for reading all the way to the bottom! …. I might add I do have reason to believe some of you simply scroll to the bottom to look for any little surprises I hide down here. ;-)  Anyhow, thanks to all for making it this far!

And one last thing - don't park in front of the Door Warehouse.

Rick Archer
SSQQ Dance Studio
4803 Bissonnet
Email: ssqq@houston.rr.com
Web: www.ssqq.com
713 861 1906

The SSQQ Newsletter started in January 2000 as a way to update our students on upcoming classes and parties.  Once it became obvious that most SSQQ students had email addresses, the idea was to replace written material and save on wasted paper. The idea quickly caught on in ways we didn't anticipate.

We soon discovered how easy it was to publish all sorts of information.  This allowed the SSQQ Newsletter to evolve into a "Do-It-Yourself" Newspaper. Members of the SSQQ Community began to contribute all sorts of articles, jokes, pictures, puzzles, vocabulary words,  and letters to the editor. 

As a result over half of each Newsletter is written by the readers themselves. Our readers are the reporters.  We just edit what you send us and give it back.