If you have questions about computers, you can email Gary at Grichardson@houston.rr.com or simply say hi to him at the Longhorn on Tuesdays (he will be the one constantly wiping sweat from his brow) or at the studio on Fridays (look for the same characteristic; you can make him instantly).
…………………………………..

FORBIDDEN LOVE

A year ago, I wrote a sensitive love story and I don't think a soul even read it. Too bad, because it was a great story!! Now that a year has passed, it is time to alert everyone to the existence of the best love story I ever wrote. 

Here is an excerpt: 

"It was a dark and stormy night. They were alone in the house. The storm had come up quickly and a chill had entered the room. As the wind-driven rain battered the house, it seemed the wrath of an Irish Banshee was nigh!! Each time the thunder roared he watched as she trembled in fear. He wanted to help her, but he knew it was wrong…

As the wind howled like a ghost separated from its soul, she stole a glance at him from across the room. He seemed so brave and powerful!! She admired his strong presence. She wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the terrible storm that raged outside… 

Then she hated herself. Her secret thoughts were taboo; she knew that. She could never act on them!! It was a violation of every ethical code she had ever believed in. It was a Union totally forbidden in her culture. Yet she ached for his comfort so badly.... Suddenly a huge burst of lightning seemed to strike the very house itself!! The sky lit up, then the room plunged into total darkness as the power failed. She screamed in terror!!….."

(Editor's Note: To read the powerful climax visit 
http://ssqq.com/information/lust02.htm
Be sure to let me know if you enjoyed the rest of the story!)
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LAST MONTH'S NEWSLETTER REVISITED: DANCING WITH BEGINNER MEN

In March, our Dear Abby section dealt with a man bemoaning the fact that Beginning Lady dancers could dance with men in the higher levels while he felt very uncomfortable asking more experienced women dancers to Twostep with him. 

We received several comments. Here is one from Deborah Solomon (nee Debbie Awad):

Hi Rick,

This is my 'Investment in the future concept". 

Just a comment from someone who danced with a lot of beginners during my SSQQ days. If there are any women out there who are hesitant to dance with beginners, remember that they will get better with time. When those beginners have shaped up into great dancers, they gratefully remember the experienced women that danced with them and will seek you out. Think of it as an investment in your dance future. Also, don't hesitate to ask them to dance if they're standing on the side.
Debbie Solomon
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Finally, I saw cars of either employees or customers of the Door Warehouse in our parking lot on three different occasions last week. I didn't have my camera or I would add the pictures to our collection. Last Saturday, March 23, they even had a truck parked in our parking lot with a ladder allowing workmen to get up on their roof. Mind you, this store has four sides, but it was the most fun I guess to use the side facing our parking lot. It turns out they were adding some exciting red lights on top of their building. My guess is business is down and this is a new way to generate attention. Maybe they paid for the lights with the towing fee kickbacks I suspect they receive.

Or maybe we should try Newsletter reader Lynne Tadlock's idea: 

"If you own a camera you can take pictures of the cars related to business with Door Warehouse parked on your lot. Write up a total for towing fees due for each the vehicle on the individual pictures. Then send Joel a bill with a copy of the pictures and the total that you saved his people/customer etc. and express how you know he's such a good concerned business owner and that he would take care of it promptly because he wouldn't want his customers to be inconvenienced or fall victim to towing expenses from parking in the wrong lot when visiting the Door Warehouse."

Maybe we should tow their business truck and hold it for ransom!

Beside Lynne, Lisa, Bronnie, and Sandy, I received very nice letters of concern from Ernesto Migoya, and Sarah Rose Miller (who says be careful of towing at the Tropicana!!). 

I received a fascinating letter from frequent Newsletter contributor Bett Sundermeyer. Here is what she had to say:

"Hey Rick,
I read about your towing problems. I had a similar problem a couple weeks ago. I parked in a Jack in the Box parking lot and made the mistake of walking next door first before walking into the Jack in the Box. I was gone all of FIVE MINUTES and when I came out, a wrecker had already pulled my car out of the parking space and had it dangling in the air. He pointed out an obscure sign that I didn't see that said the lot was for Jack in the Box customers only. I called the police because I couldn't believe someone could just take your car within 5 minutes without actually seeing if you were going to go in the Jack in the Box. The police were no help AT ALL. He said it was my word against the owner's, who wasn't there. I was on my lunch break and needed to get back to work, so I had to pay $75 C! ASH to get the driver to drop my car. Then, to make matters worse, when I drove off I realized there was something terribly wrong with my car. It was so bad, I turned around and drove it right to the repair shop. I found out the wrecker driver, in his hurry to make his $75, had improperly hooked chains to the rods of my car to pull it out, and bent them. It cost me $200 to repair it and so far, they have refused to pay for it. 

I think it is RIDICULOUS that a private citizen can hire someone to just take someone else's car. No ticket. No police involvement at all. Then, the car owner is FORCED to pay for towing and storages fees if, heaven forbid, they can't figure out who took their car for a couple days. It's EXTORTION! Apparently, wreckers were deregulated a year or two ago, and now pretty much have free reign along with the individuals who hire them."

From what the readers have told me, the Wrecker Industry is pretty out of control. 
…………………………………..

LAST MONTH'S NEWSLETTER REVISITED: EINSTEIN'S PUZZLE

And the winners of the Einstein Contest were: 

1. Sara Fielder
2. Viqar Anwar
3. Nicholas Mann

Congratulations and thank you for playing!
……………………………………..

HEARTBEAT PERFORMS AT SSQQ ON MAY 18TH

SSQQ has a champion in its midst. Susie Merrill coaches a Western dance team known as Heartbeat. Its members are 95% drawn from SSQQ students who get bitten by the performing bug. They are really quite good. Heartbeat will be performing at the Dance Across Texas competition on May 25th and intend to use our upcoming May 18th party as an opportunity to strut their stuff and get some much needed experience a week ahead of time. Be sure to come and see these guys and gals do their number at the studio!
……………………………………….

THE F CHART

So did you count 3 F's? Uh oh. Go back and look again. There were 6. The brain is trained to read for speed and automatically overlooks words like "OF". Incredible or what?
Anyone who counts all six F's on the first go is a genius. Three is normal. 

I was in the 6th grade when I first saw this test. I saw 3 then and everyone I have given the test to comes up with the same answer. Amazing.
……………………………………………….

SSQQ VOLLEYBALL

Every now and then a bunch of SSQQ dancers and affiliated jocks meet at my house in the Heights for a mid Saturday morning (11 am - 2 pm) game of volleyball. 

Our group is pretty talented. We aren't good enough to win any tournaments against some volleyball studs, but on the other hand we bump, spike, set, block, and dig pretty darn well for a bunch of middle aged athletes. 

We are looking for some new blood to join us. If you are an athlete or a volleyball player or even better both, join us on Saturday, April 6 for a morning of great social volleyball!

Email for directions to: Rick Archer at dance@ssqq.com
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THE SSQQ APRIL JOKE PAGE IS READY!
We have 23 classic jokes ready for you to read on our April Joke Page. 
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/jokes04.htm
Here is my personal favorite from the April Jokes: 
April CS 09: The Aggie, the Longhorn, and the Pig
Submitted by Mike Gerstenberger
A student from Texas A&M University, a student from The University of Texas, and a pig were in the hospital waiting room, each awaiting the birth of his firstborn child. Suddenly, the lights went out. 
Fortunately, power was restored shortly thereafter and the head nurse made her way to the waiting room.
"I've got good news and bad news for both you gentlemen and Mr. Pig," she announced. "Despite the electrical outage, two healthy young boys and one healthy piglet have been delivered. 
"However, since the lights went out at the most inopportune time, we aren't sure which firstborn belongs to whom. The only way we know to resolve the problem is to draw straws and have the winner choose first."
The three proud papas agreed this was the fairest way. The UT grad won the drawing.
He was escorted into the delivery room and looked at the three newborns for a painstakingly long time.
Finally, with head bowed and a look of shame, he scooped up the piglet and headed for the door.
"Sir, are you quite certain that you've made the right choice?" the nurse asked with a frown. 
"No, I'm not," replied the Longhorn. "But I just couldn't run the risk of choosing the Aggie."
…………………………………..

THE APRIL SSQQ POLITICAL EDITORIAL

Once a month I show my ignorance by spouting off at some political situation about which I know little or nothing about. This is always a popular moment among our readers.

This month I want to talk about rail along the Katy Freeway corridor. I am qualified to write about the Katy Freeway because I not only live on I-10, I drive it twice a day on both sides of the Loop as I take my daughter to school. 

The Katy Freeway is the Freeway from Hell. It is the worst stretch of road in a city dominated by all kinds of highway problems. 

I see some well-meaning person from Metro had the nerve to suggest maybe while everyone was busy widening the Katy Freeway, perhaps leaving a little room for a possible rail down the road might not be such a bad idea. At this ludicrous suggestion several champions of the Katy road widening project blew their stack. They protested that studying this radical and obviously stupid suggestion would slow the project down horribly. 

Problem. Houston has the worst smog problem in the country. 
Solution. Build wider freeways to accommodate more cars to make more smog. 
Well, duh, what genius thought of that? 

Has anyone ever pointed out that fewer cars might create less smog? Or do they really think driving them slower will make the difference. What kind of science do these people study?

At what point will our civic leaders realize that you just can't keep widening the freeways. It takes forever to finish this construction. Then by the time they are finished, there will be more cars, so you will never win. All the time the smog just keeps getting worse as the freeways get wider. I suppose the next suggestion will be to build upper and lower decks. 

So someone actually had the nerve to say the dirty word ( rail ) and our civic leaders screamed foul. Remember what a stink a couple politicians put up over the rail project connecting downtown to the Astrodome, oops Reliant Stadium? Why is it everyone freaks out when someone tries a different approach to our transportation problems? 

You know what I think? I think some of our elected politicians must be financed by the guys who build the roads. That is the only explanation that makes a bit of sense to me. 

Okay, I said it. Now let's hear what someone else thinks.
……………………………….

MARS AND VENUS BASHING TIME!!!
Contributed by Ann Bush

1) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

2) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

3) He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love
to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you succeeded.

4) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king' She said...'Two
inches less, and you'd be queen'

5) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere."
Written just below it: "I do not."

6) Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your
late husband.' She said...'Who's gonna look?'

7) He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

8) He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay,
but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

9) He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.
……………………………………………….

APRIL JOKE PICTURE OF THE MONTH

This month's picture is about a little dog with a big problem to worry about. It looks like his whole world is about to come crashing down on him.
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/jokepicture.htm
…………………………………………………

COMPUTERIZED REGISTRATION COMING TO SSQQ SOON

In February I wrote about an incident where a man felt victimized because he was denied entry to his class. He didn't have his receipt and we couldn't find his name on the class roster. I believe he actually paid, but at the same time showed little to no respect for our need to have the proper documentation. As a result he acted like a guy who lost his movie ticket and wanted to still get in anyway. 
This incident was so aggravating to me that I invested $10,000 in a new computer system designed to upgrade the SSQQ Registration process. David Schroeder, the man who brought us the SSQQ Web Site, the SSQQ Newsletter, and our On-Line Registration System has designed the software. We experimented with the system in March and now in April will use it as much as we can while we iron out the confusion.
Combined with our already successful On-Line Registration system, this will allow us to have a computerized recording of all class rosters. Had our gatecrasher registered On-Line, it would have been no trouble to simply look up his roster on the computer. This new system will hopefully prevent incidents such as the one above from happening again.
In time it will also mean we have the power to limit the size of classes. With an accurate count of the people registered, we can prevent overcrowding. We aren't there yet, but that's where we are heading. 
………………………………

20 QUESTIONS - THE SSQQ INFORMATION PAGE
The SSQQ Web Site now has a question and answer section. 
http://ssqq.com/information/information.htm

This area of our web site targets the following questions -
01. Private Lessons
02. Refunds
03. Referring new students
04. Group Discounts 
05. Switching Partners 
06. Guests 
07. Credit for Unfinished classes
08. Same Sex Dancing
09. Making up a Class
10. Volunteering 
11. Clothes/Shoes 
12. Need a Partner? 
13. Watching Classes 
14. Starting classes a week late
15. Repeating a Class 
16. Children 
17. Husband Who Won't Dance
18. Map
19. What level of class to take
20. General Questions (like why SSQQ doesn't have bottled water and why we don't have other locations).
If you have a question you want to have answered, let us know!! dance@ssqq.com
…………………………………..

THE SSQQ APRIL PUZZLE - HOW OLD ARE THE THREE CHILDREN?
Contributed by Shayna Rubin

This is a toughie!! It is fair, but requires some very creative thinking. 

Two men are talking when one reveals his age to the other during the conversation. The second man thinks for a moment, then says to the first, "I have three children whose ages I want you to guess. Here are two clues:

1. "The sum of their ages is 13."

2. "The product of their ages is the same as your age."

At this the first man does a quick calculation, smiles, and then hesitates. "Hmm," says the first man. "I've almost got it, but I need just one more clue!"

The second man replies, "OK, here's another clue:
3. "My oldest child is a lefty."

"Aha! Of course. I now know their ages!" says the first man.

How old is the first man and how old are the three children?
(All ages are whole numbers.)

Okay, if you can solve this you get a free Practice Night at the studio. I solved it myself, but first I had to have a hint. If you have the answer or need a hint, email me at dance@ssqq.com

The solution is very clever.
……………………………….

NICE WORDS FOR THE ZYDECO INSTRUCTORS

Willie Bushnell and Ronnie Alexander teach Zydeco for SSQQ. Recently I received a very nice compliment on their class from a lady I know well, Yvonne Estrada. 

"Hey Rick, 

Good to see you at the studio tonight. 
Kudos to Ronnie and Willie who did the Zydeco class tonight. As you may know, Arturo has been going to SSQQ for 3 years and he took the class previously offered under another teacher. We love going to Jax and listening to Zydeco but the way they dance there and the way he was taught just didn't match. Zydeco music is so invigorating, we just couldn't stay seated so we would wait until the dance floor was really crowded and you couldn't move and we would just fake it - poorly I might add! :-\ 
When I read the write up on Willie on the web page, it sounded great and from the minute they showed us the basic step tonight, I knew that was the dance I'd seen at Jax and the one I wanted to learn.
The class was a blast and my I found a few butt muscles I didn't know I had. 
These guys are terrific.
Also the new design on the web site is great. It's nice to see such an 'old' favorite like SSQQ doing well. I realized today, I have been going there now for 2 years. We take a couple of months break but always come back.
(Editor's Note: big smooch and hug, Yvonne. Yes, these two guys are excellent. I took their class a year ago and was dancing at Jax on a Saturday night with some of the best-looking women I have ever danced with. Zydeco is a lot of fun!
By the way, I just figured out why I call you 'Shirley' all the time. Lavonne and Shirley. Yvonne and Shirley. My mind had a breakdown and slipped over from Yvonne to Shirley!!)
……………………….

THE APRIL BLUE SIDE JOKES ARE READY!

The infamous SSQQ Blue Side Joke Page has 21 marvelous raunchy jokes waiting to be read. Here is one of my all-time favorites:

April BS 14: The Gorilla
Submitted by Pat Roberts
It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. Since they get there early, they are practically the only people at the zoo.
As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a pit containing a very large hairy gorilla. Looking up, the Gorilla notices the woman and goes wild. He jumps up and down on the logs in the pit, he grunts, and pounds his chest.
The wife blushes and waves back. She even does a little dance. The Gorilla is very happy.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is amusing.
He suggests that the wife tease the poor fellow some more. He suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, jumping around and beating his chest.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and the gorilla is about to kill himself trying to climb the walls to get to her. He is developing one heck of a simian erection and the wife is a little flush herself. Being the object of all this fuss is turning her on a little.
"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him," he says.
This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips and is making every kind of ape sound imaginable. He is going nuts with the frustration!
In a moment of absolute abandon without any prodding, the woman suddenly exposes a breast. The poor gorilla is about to explode!! He is futilely climbing at the wall and screaming with passion!! 
Suddenly the husband grabs his wife by the hair and her belt and tosses her over the railing into the moat below. The Gorilla's eyes bulge with astonishment!!
"Now, tell that Big Ape you have a headache!!"
………………………………….

ANOTHER COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH!! ON-LINE REGISTRATION LETTER TO EDITOR:

We pre-registered to take beginning ballroom on Tues. Mar. 5 - Mar. 26; however, due to unexpected work schedules, we are unable to attend during March or April. 
Would you please refund our registration fee of $80.00/couple (Mike Black and Sharon Black)? Thank you for your kind assistance. We hope to see you again in May!
Regards, Sharon Black

FIRST REPLY: 
Sorry, the on-line registration is a one-way street. The only way to get a refund is to do it in person during walk-in registration. Any night at 7 pm for the next couple weeks would be a good time.
Rick Archer

SECOND LETTER TO EDITOR: 
Sorry to be such a bother, but as we are currently out of the country, we cannot come by personally to cancel our lessons. Could you please help us out on this?
Sincerely, Mike/Sharon Black 

SECOND REPLY:
I can't help. The 0nline system is a tar baby. The only way we can undo something is in person. I am not kidding.
(Editor's Note: We aren't trying to be difficult. We understand that anyone who registers On-Line is entitled to a refund if they don't attend their class. 
The problem is that we don't have a check or cash laying around to hand to back to you. The money is being held by some credit card computer in another state. To refund the money, we have to cancel the transaction. To cancel the transaction we need to swipe the credit card using a special machine at the studio. We can't swipe a credit card over the telephone or by using email. It needs to be done physically, i.e. in person. 
The On-Line system is unbelievably complex. As an experiment, Jill Banta and I tried to find Mrs. Black's registration ticket in our email box. We had 600 emails to sort through. The Search function was useless. We had to open each email individually. After both of us looked for 20 minutes, we found the ticket only to realize that the credit card number wasn't even on the receipt. To protect the privacy of Mrs. Black's transaction her credit card number was not allowed to appear. Jill looked at me and I looked at Jill. There was no way we had the energy to solve this problem using the computer. 
On the other hand, if Mrs. Black came by the studio with her credit card, one swipe thru the credit card machine would solve the problem in less than a minute. 
Unless we discover a simpler way to do this, please realize if you register using the On-Line system, the smart thing is to avoid changing your mind. Transfers to another class we can do using email, we can carry the money to the next month, but refunds will have to be cleared up in person. Sorry.)
……………………………………

THE SSQQ MEDICAL JOURNAL: WHAT EXACTLY IS THE DEAL WITH A WOMAN'S MENSTRUAL CYCLE? 

Recently I have been sent several articles dealing with the forbidden topic known as Menstruation. I am honestly quite terrified to discuss this explosive issue, but if my understanding is correct, women apparently feel they have the perfect right to be meaner than hell to anyone who comes near them for about 3 days each month. For example, read the findings in this important study:

NEW MEDICAL STUDY ON "WHAT MAKES A MAN ATTRACTIVE TO A WOMAN"
Contributed by Red Draper

"A study in Scotland showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending upon where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple."

Soon after I received the research study cited above, Sandy Baggett sent me further information on the Forbidden Topic. 

"Hey Rick, the Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!"

When Red sent me the medical study, I laughed it off thinking it was a joke. But something about the Sandy's warning sent chills of dread surging through me. This was the second reminder in a row that basically pointed out that women are borderline homicidal maniacs once a month!! 

My point is, if women are this dangerous once a month, shouldn't society do something to protect its citizens from women under the influence of their own bodies? 

And why do women feel men are the most appropriate targets for their Menstruation-driven rage? I mean, why don't they wish to drive scissors through the heads of other women as well? Why are men somehow held to blame for a little cramp or two? Don't women understand that men get cramps too from listening to women endlessly bellyache about PMS this and Period that? For crying out loud, don't men take enough grief off of women during the regular 27 days of the month? Why is okay for women to assume they have carte blanche during the Red Zone to murder any poor jerk who has the misfortune to cross their path?

Whether we like it or not, women are making it clear that once a month they will not be responsible for what they do. If this is the case, it seems only fair that women identify their hormonal status for the good of society. For example, what about planting a big red 'MM' (Menstrual Madness) on the forehead of any woman crazed out of her mind during the worst days of the Cycle? Or what about 'BBB' (Betrayed By Body)? Or HH (Hormonal Hysteria)? Or a simple FF (Femme Fatale)? Or an old standard like PMS? 

Or simply paint a picture!! If body art is preferred, what about a tasteful skull and crossbones tattoo in any obvious, easy to see place on her body? Or accessorize - just wear a cute little tampon necklace. Other possibilities include a picture of Carrie on a brooch or a clever designer lapel pin in the shape of a bloody knife.
I think men have a right to feel safe. Isn't it high time that women stop threatening to go ballistic for no other reason than she feels a little moody during her Period and take some medication? Or at the very least shouldn't a woman be expected to warn society in some way before she makes (as the English would say) a bloody mess of things?
……….……………..

RESPONSIBILITY REVISITED

A year ago I wrote an angry letter about how no one wants to take Responsibility for anything. 

The article was inspired by this brief treatise:
Let's see if I understand how America works lately . . . 
If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant.
If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education. 
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.
If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones. 
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. 
If a crazed person climbs into the cockpit of an airliner and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore."

My article dealt with the legal absurdities of three different cases. One had a local kid hit by lightning while played golf during a thunderstorm. His parents sued the golf course for not warning him properly of the dangers. Another case dealt with a man who got drunk and crawled into Sea World in Orlando only to be mauled to death by a killer whale. His family sued the company saying they had portrayed the whale as lovable which was false advertising. The third case dealt with a woman who was killed as she resisted arrest after being caught shoplifting. She apparently was high on coke and died of cardiac arrest. Naturally her family sued the store for wrongful death. 
Now a year later a gentleman named Todd Tennis from Lansing, Michigan, sent me a letter casting new light on the wrongful death suit. It turns out 3 other people died shoplifting the same chain of stores in the Detroit area. And he also pointed out the famous MacDonald's coffee burning case had another side to the story. 
The result had me backpedaling a bit. I was a bit embarrassed to be reminded there are two sides to every story. 
If you are interested in Mr. Tennis' revelations about shoplifter genocide in Detroit, please visit the Responsibility Page, http://ssqq.com/archive/vinlin17.htm
……………………………

THE NEW GUY AT WORK - contributed by Mike Guillory
(Note - this joke is a little 'different'. Let me know what you think about it).

There's a new guy at work transferred from another state. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to be fitting in too well. The boss asks Paul to invite him to do something and see if the guy will ease up a little. Paul has misgivings but he owes the boss a favor. He discovers the new guy's passion is hunting, so he invites him along with two of Paul's buddies for a weekend hunt. 

The trip up isn't much fun as the new guy turns out to be a hardass of the first degree. They have an incident along the way at a rural gas station and after that all the guy can do is rant incessantly about the stupidity of uneducated dirt busters. In the mirror Paul can see his two friends in back rolling their eyes in disgust at this redneck. Paul regrets inviting him.

To make things worse, when they get to Paul's favorite childhood hunting spot, they find several "No Trespassing" signs. This is an unexpected development. Paul tells his friends to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. 

The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, "Sir, I grew up around here. You may remember me. I'm Paul Davis. I've hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here." 

The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, "Yeah, I remember you and your Dad. I had to put those signs up because it seems like everyone is so damn trigger happy these days. But you know what you are doing so it's okay. Just do me a favor. I've got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but I've grown too attached to do the work. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I'll let you hunt on my property." Paul thanks him and agrees to help.

Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a stupid joke on the new guy since he says he hates farmers so much. 

"That old bastard won't let us hunt on his property," Paul tells the guys. "He said we're a bunch of chickenshit asshole city slickers who probably don't know a rifle from a BB gun. He said to get the hell outta here. I'm going to teach him a lesson and shoot his cow!" 

Before anyone can say a word, Paul shoulders his rifle, walks up to the fence, takes aim, - BLAM! - he drops the old cow with one shot. His buddies are absolutely appalled at what he has done…

Suddenly two more shots ring out behind him. Paul wheels around in horror. The new guy yells, "Goddamn mud pusher! You were right to teach him a lesson. I shot the dog and a pig too! Let's get the hell out of here before he gets your license number!"
…………………………..

AND THAT'S A WRAP!!

As you can see, the SSQQ Newsletter is mostly written by people just like you who send stuff in. If you have any comments, suggestions, requests, complaints, jokes, pictures or poetry to share, please send it to me, Rick Archer, at ssqq@houston.rr.com

And thanks for reading all the way to the bottom! …. I might add I do have reason to believe some of you simply scroll to the bottom to look for any little surprises I hide down here. ;-) Anyhow, thanks to all for making it this far!
And one last thing - don't park in front of the Door Warehouse.

Rick Archer
SSQQ Dance Studio
4803 Bissonnet
Email: ssqq@houston.rr.com
Web: www.ssqq.com
Phone: 713-861-1906

The SSQQ Newsletter started in January 2000 as a way to update our students on upcoming classes and parties.  Once it became obvious that most SSQQ students had email addresses, the idea was to replace written material and save on wasted paper. The idea quickly caught on in ways we didn't anticipate.

We soon discovered how easy it was to publish all sorts of information.  This allowed the SSQQ Newsletter to evolve into a "Do-It-Yourself" Newspaper. Members of the SSQQ Community began to contribute all sorts of articles, jokes, pictures, puzzles, vocabulary words,  and letters to the editor. 

As a result over half of each Newsletter is written by the readers themselves. Our readers are the reporters.  We just edit what you send us and give it back.