January 2004
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The SSQQ January 2004 Newsletter
Written and edited monthly by Rick Archer

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HEADLINES

STORY ONE THE SSQQ CRUISE TO the new orleans Mardi gras HAS 36 PEOPLE AND WE STILL HAVE SPACE FOR MORE!! 
STORY TWO january dance classes begin the week of sunday, january 4.
STORY THREE THE SSQQ CHRISTMAS PARTY IS FRIDAY NIGHT, DECEMBER 19
STORY FOUR THE SSQQ NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY IS WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31.
STORY FIVE SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE:  ON NOVEMBER 8, 3 DIFFERENT SSQQ INSTRUCTORS GOT MARRIED!  WHO WERE THEY?
PLUS A REVIEW OF THE 30 SSQQ WEDDINGS AND ENGAGEMENTS FROM 2003. (several good stories!!)
STORY SIX CHRIS O’ROURKE PLANS A NEW YEAR’S BASH AFTER NEW YEARS.
STORY SEVEN WHO WON THE SSQQ HALLOWEEN SCAVENGER HUNT PUZZLE?
STORY EIGHT it’S TIME AGAIN FOR THE SSQQ CHRISTMAS TOY DRIVE LED BY JUDY ARCHER.
STORY NINE shoe sale AS mojo dance shoes PREPARES TO go out of business.
STORY TEN business opportunity:  mojo shoe store is for sale. (Want to own your own business?  This is an interesting idea)
STORY ELEVEN SOFT SHOE TAP CLASS COMING TO SSQQ
STORY TWELVE SSQQ STAFF CHANGES FOR JANUARY 2004
       

REGULAR FEATURES

COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH RICK ARCHER’S CHRISTMAS CAROL CONTEST DOESN’T PLEASE ONE WOMAN (fascinating story)
BEST NEW JOKES OF MONTH WOW!  15 NEW JOKES THIS MONTH!!
ssqq employee of month BRYAN SPIVEY and Krista johnsoN AND JUDY ARCHER
ssqq logic club who were the WINNERS OF the december logic puzzle?  who is tied for first?
NEW logic puzzle the NEW january ssqq logic puzzle: THE NATURE OF GOSSIP!!
joke picture of the month yup, it’s michael jackson again!!  RICH LYBARGER SENT IT IN
WORST NEW PUN OF MONTH THE DENTIST'S OFFICE.  CHRIS HOLMES IS IN TROUBLE FOR THIS ONE.
VOCABULARY WORD  THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING US!  RICK ARCHER SENT THIS ONE IN
CLEAN SIDE JOKES FEATURING A CLASSIC SUPER BOWL JOKE FROM RICH BEVIS AND SUSAN SCHROEDER
BLUE SIDE JOKES FEATURING A TERRIFIC GOLF JOKE FROM SUSAN SCHROEDER
       

SPECIAL FEATURES

  FEATURE ONE   Can you spot a serial killer?    CONTRIBUTED BY SANDY THE DOOZE
  FEATURE TWO   the winner of the annual “foot in mouth” award  CONTRIBUTED BY ANN FAGET
  FEATURE THREE   LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: A CHRISTMAS DANCE STORY (this is an excellent story! RA)
  FEATURE FOUR   SPECIAL TREAT: A HALL OF FAME JOKE: WINTER AT THE RESERVATION!!   MARLANE KAYFES
  FEATURE FIVE   PRICES GOING UP FOR SSQQ DANCE CLASSES IN JANUARY 2004 PLUS NOTE ABOUT EMAIL
       
 
 

START OF THE HEADLINE STORIES SECTION

 

STORY ONE

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 

TAKE A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE:  THE SSQQ CRUISE TO MARDI GRAS AND COZUMEL!!

  SSQQ has scheduled a 7 Day Cruise to visit the 2004 New Orleans’ Mardi Gras. We will sail aboard Royal Caribbean's beautiful Rhapsody of the Seas. We leave Sunday, February 22nd, and return on Sunday, February 29th.

As of 12-17-03 we have 37 people going. 

Count on reaching New Orleans Monday evening in time for a wild night of dancing on Bourbon Street.  Then after a little rest, on Tuesday we hit the peak of Mardi Gras during the legendary Fat Tuesday, the day of Parades, revelry, and legalized insanity.

We will remain in New Orleans Wednesday till 6 pm, then it is off to the sparkling warm waters in beautiful Cozumel.  While others shiver stateside in the middle of winter, our group will work on getting great suntans at the famous Chankanaab Beach.

This exciting trip promises to be the experience of a lifetime! 

SSQQ no longer has any reservations. However there is still space available. The problem you face is that prices can no longer be guaranteed and should rise soon – SO DON’T WAIT TO CALL US TILL THE LAST MINUTE!!

(Check out who is already going to Mardi Gras:
http://ssqq.com/information/mardigraspassengers.htm )

marla@ssqq.com  (Marla Gorzynski email)
713 862 4428  (Marla Gorzynski phone)

Check out the ssqq web site for the price, to see who is going, and further promotional information – http://ssqq.com/information/mardigrashome.htm

   
 

STORY TWO

RETURN TO HEADLINES
 

THE JANUARY SCHEDULE OF SSQQ DANCE CLASSES
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/schedule.htm

  The January Dance Semester begins the week of Sunday, January 4th.

HERE ARE THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE JANUARY 2004 SCHEDULE
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/extra.htm

beginning Lindy Hop will be offered on Sundays in January with Gloria Sanchez. The Lindy Hop was America’s first Swing dance in 20s. After disappearing in the 50s, it surged back to life during the huge 90s Swing era. Today it is perfect for slow Swing tunes!

Zoot Suit Riot moves to Sunday afternoons this year. Taught by Judy Archer, Zoot Suit is Judy Archer’s advanced Swing class covering the most sharp moves, flashiest patterns, and the fanciest footwork Swing has to offer! Prerequisite: Advanced Swing.

The Beginning Whip/West Coast Swing Superclass is back!! These two fascinating dances are taught side by side on Sunday and Thursday. Whip and WCS are danced to Disco, Blues, Pop & Rock music. They feature fancy footwork, sexy hip motion, and flashy spins. Historically speaking, January has always been the perfect month to take on this challenging project! As the New Year begins, grit your teeth and join!

Beginning Western Waltz, the Western dance of Romance, will be offered on Sundays at 7 pm w Judy Archer. Western Waltz is exceptionally beautiful & marvelous fun to dance.

Ballroom Dancing officially returns to SSQQ in January. SSQQ Ballroom Dancing went underground due to the popularity of Salsa in 2000. Now four years later it is time to devote one special night a week to everything that Ballroom has to offer including classes in Swing, Foxtrot, Tango, Waltz, & Latin Dancing as well. In January, we start our new Ballroom Program with Beginning Ballroom, Beginning American Tango, and Intermediate Ballroom Waltz!!   Afterwards, Room 4 will be reserved for an evening of Ballroom Practice on Mondays.

SOFT SHOE TAP CLASS IS COMING TO SSQQ.   Beginning/Intermediate Tap - Soft Sole
This class is All-American tap (without the tap shoes) to rockin’ music. Get ready to move your feet as we practice shuffles, flaps, time steps and more!  For all you tap lovers, this is the class for you - If you’re a little rusty or just getting started, don’t worry, we’ll be starting from the beginning and adding some jazz moves and turns to keep things interesting. Taught by Karen Schneider, the class will be from 6-7 pm on Tuesdays starting January 6th. The 4 one-hour lessons a month will cost $20.

Wednesdays in January brings Beginning Night Club with Anita Williams. This lovely dance has proven to be very popular at SSQQ as the dance of choice to all slow Western dance ballads. Similar to Sharon Crawford’s Western Waltz and Western Cha Cha classes, Anita will offer three levels of this beautiful dance including Advanced in March!

Triple Two, also known as the Dallas Twostep will be offered on Fridays with Brian White for the first time in 3 years. This unusual dance is quite popular in the Dallas area, but is so rare in Houston most dancers have never even heard of it. Triple Two is an interesting dance used to Polka rhythm music to Triple Step, Triple Step Walk Walk footwork.

Martian Whip 01 Extra is a special feature of the Martian Whip class. Taught by Rick Archer & Jack Benard, this class no longer parallels the Thursday class. It is taught like a Crash Course - something new every week. Pay one price and get the second class for free. Such a deal!!

SATURDAY NIGHT PARTIES IN JANUARY


SWING CHARLESTON PARTY

http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party01.htm


On SATURDAY, JANUARY 10, we will have our Charleston Swing Dance. There is no dress code, but the ladies are encouraged to wear Charleston beads. (Hint: Mardi Gras beads will work just fine.)

7-9 PM CRASH COURSES AT A GLANCE

BOXFOX - Adele/Marty
BEG LINDY HOP - Gloria
ARGENTINE TANGO - Don
SALSA DIPS & LUNGES - Martin and Judy
CROWDED FLOOR SWING PATTERNS - Maureen
BELLY DANCE - Rachel Zephyr

Music: Swing in Room 1, Salsa in Room 4.


SWEETHEARTS OF THE RODEO

http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party02.htm
Saturday, January 24th
,

7-9 PM CRASH COURSES AT A GLANCE

BEG TEXAS TWOSTEP - Leo
TWOSTEP/POLKA CIRCLE TURNS - Linda
BEG WESTERN WALTZ - Vicki
LATIN HUSTLE - Jack
BEGINNING NIGHT CLUB - Paul
ADVANCED NIGHT CLUB - Anita
SWEETHEARTS OF THE RODEO - Rick

Music: Western  in Room 1, Whip in Room 6

 

STORY THREE

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 

THE SSQQ CHRISTMAS PARTY, Friday, December 19th   (9:15 pm – Midnight)
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party24.htm

  The music SSQQ Christmas Party is unusual since much of our music has a Christmas twist to it.  It turns out that Country-Western artists have figured out a great way to make money is to record a Christmas CD. Some artists like Garth Brooks and George Strait even have two Christmas albums.

As a result, there are many Christmas songs that are excellent Twosteps and Polkas.  It may seem a bit odd to realize that ‘Frosty the Snowman’ can be a Twostep, but when it is sung by George Strait you can be sure the speed is right and it definitely sounds country. Throw in ‘Feliz Navidad’ for a Polka and ‘Rocking Around the Christmas Tree’ for a Swing and suddenly you have some good dance music with a Christmas theme as well.  It is actually pretty fun to dance to these classic Christmas pop songs.

There are many Waltzes played at the SSQQ Christmas Party.  It turns out that several well-known Christmas Carols are very lovely Waltzes. “What Child is This?”, “The First Noel”, “Silver Bells”, “Away in a Manger”, “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”, and several others are beautiful Waltz songs.  If you like to Waltz, you will love this party!

This year we are adding a new feature:  Room 6 will have non-stop Swing music. We will hook up one of our computers to an amp and play regular Non-Christmas Swing music to your heart’s delight. Besides the Swing music in Room 6, there will be plenty of Christmas Swing music in Room 1.  The Whip music in Room 4 will not be Christmas music.

Sometimes it turns out that too much is too much – whenever the Christmas music gets a bit overwhelming just say something and we promise to throw in some normal dance music as well!

There is no dress code. Jeans are fine.  It would be nice to wear something with Red or Green or a Christmas Theme shirt/pullover, but it isn’t necessary. 

One nice gesture would be to bring a Toy along with you for the SSQQ Toy Drive. It doesn’t have to be wrapped. We will be taking our huge collection of Toys to the Toys for Tots Foundation the day after our Christmas Party.

  STORY FOUR

RETURN TO HEADLINES

 

THE SSQQ NEW YEARS EVE PARTY
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party25.htm
Wednesday, December 31, 9 pm – 1 am   Cover Charge $15 person

 

From: Julie Newton Holeman
Sent: Thursday, December 04, 2003 3:18 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: New Year's Eve Dance

“Hi! I am writing from Oxford, MS. My husband and I are going to be in Houston, TX for New Year's Eve and we are looking for a place to go ballroom dancing. I found your website on the Internet. Can anyone come to your dance or do you have to be members? Any info you can give me will be helpful. Thanks so much!

Julie Holeman”

RICK ARCHER'S REPLY:

“What a nice letter, Julie.

You are more than welcome to join us. The party is very relaxed. Party favors, champagne at midnight, food, and wine/beer are gratis. The cover charge is $15 a person. As you might gather from the price, we are not attempting to “gouge”. The studio features dancing on two different floors simultaneously.  The room you would enjoy will be playing sinatra foxtrot, big band swing, a few tangos, a few salsas, and Irish Waltz music.

The studio is smoke free. The main dance floor is over 1000 square feet. Medium age range will be people in their 40s and 50s with all ages represented.  Dress is semi-formal and 95% of our guests respect our wishes.

Expect attendance to be around 100 or so people.

Despite access to unlimited free wine and beer, no one ever drinks to excess at our parties – they are all here to dance!

In all a very pleasant party that anyone who loves to ballroom dance would enjoy thoroughly.
Rick Archer”

As stated in the reply above, the Annual SSQQ New Year’s Eve Party is all about dancing. The party is safe, friendly, relaxed and fun. You have a smoke-free environment, plenty of room to dance, and although there is drinking, it is much less than at other venues. We have never had a problem to date.

The attitude for the evening is ‘Upscale’. We expect you to dress up!  Coat and Ties for men, dresses for ladies (or anything else formal you can think of). No jeans, please. You can dress as sharp as you want, but please don’t come casual. Think of it as a special kind of Halloween Party where you fool people by coming dressed in disguise as a wealthy person.

This is a perfect evening to visit with friends.  Many people come together and many people come without dates. Although I won’t name names, I remember in particular one excellent three-year romance between two people who came alone to our New Year’s Party.

The music in our main room will consist of a great deal of Big Band Swing music. There will be plenty of Glen Miller, Benny Goodman, and the other 30s and 40s Classic to Swing to.  In addition we will play all of Frank Sinatra’s best Foxtrot songs such as ‘Witchcraft’ and ‘New York New York’.  Another special feature are the popular Irish Waltzes with their haunting sweetness.  In addition there will be a healthy dose of Ballroom music in Room 1 including Cha Cha, Tango, and Salsa music.

Western Dancing is big too at this party.  We open up Room 5 and combine it with Room 4 to make a very large dance floor. In addition to the Western music, there will be a healthy dose of Whip/West Coast Swing music as well.  Let us add the floors will be very nice since we will be refinishing them over the Holidays.

Room 6 will be reserved for Salsa Dancing.  This means there will be three kinds of music playing in three rooms simultaneously.

Rick Archer will be on duty as your DJ. He will take requests for all three rooms.

At 11:40 we put our on crazy hats, grab our noisemakers, and start the celebration.  Just before Midnight we pour out the champagne and start the big countdown to 2003!

  STORY FIVE RETURN TO HEADLINES  
 

THE 2003 SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE YEAR IN REVIEW!!
Written by Rick Archer


On Saturday, November 8, three lovely SSQQ instructors also became three lovely brides. By an unusual coincidence, SSQQ Instructors Rachel (Seff) Koenig, Vicki (Bernard) Smith, and Patrica (Or) Homes all got married on the same day.

Just three weeks later, on November 29 during the Thanksgiving Weekend, long-time SSQQ Instructors Ann Bush and Brian White also got married.

Nor is the ssqq wedding frenzy complete yet – during this period SSQQ Instructor Michele Wann announced her engagement to Trent Haynes. Shortly after, SSQQ Instructor Michelle Yeiter got engaged. This wonderful surprise for Michelle Yeiter marked the 30th SSQQ Engagement and Wedding this year. Including myself, Linda Cook, and Timm Chavez, that makes five more SSQQ Instructors who are currently engaged.
 
Without trying to sound too schmaltzy, something special is clearly going on at SSQQ.
 
As we start our 27th year of business in 2004, SSQQ has been rumored to be a highly contagious place for Romance to develop for a long. Not only have hundreds of our students literally met their future spouses here at the studio, many other students have had the sense to bring their boyfriend or girlfriend here during their courtship due to our reputation as the right place to “seal the deal”.
 
Indeed, the list of couples who have backed off is remarkably small. Once you get them dancing, they fall even more hopelessly in love.
 
SSQQ does not come about its Reputation as the Romance Capital of Houston by accident. We earned it!!
 
The number in 1999 was 23. In 2000 it was 30. In 2001 it was 23. In 2002 (post 9/11) it slipped to 16, but this year we bounced back to 30 again. With the exception of the large churches, can you imagine any other Houston institution that can claim to have created 20 to 30 marriages a year for 25 years?
 
In particular, members of the SSQQ Staff seem particularly vulnerable to the mysterious Love Bug that permeates the studio. Like any good Bug, the more you are exposed to it, the more likely you are to catch it!!
 
It is no accident that this studio feels like one big family. After all, it practically is.


Although it is unlikely you will recognize many of these people by name, please read the following list:

 


Diane Head.
Jim Smith.
Mike Fagan.
Tom Easley.
Mark Matthews.
Peter Shores.
Paula Yerks.
Arlene Phillips.
Amelia Cate.
Brian Swanson.
Lisa Starnes.
Nancy Faulkner.
Reid Faulkner.
Mike Hitzhusen.
Hannah Baker.
Richard McDonald.


David Vining.
Tonya Binig.
Tom Binig.
Michael Stephens.
Suzy Kish.
Larry Carlton.
Liliana Ashley.
David Bagesse.
Terry Johns.
Heidi Moynihan.
Beth Hentges.
Allen Hentges.
Linda Decker.
Rad Decker.
Renee Reisinger.
Janet Wukman.
Kathleen Alexander.


Do you have any idea what all these people have in common?
 
You might be surprised to discover that each one of them is a former SSQQ instructor who met their future husband or wife here at the studio.
 
For that matter, the current SSQQ staff has three married couples who met through the studio. Did you know that Ben Liles met his wife Diana at the studio? And that Daryl Armstrong met his wife Joanne here? And that Karen Clawsen met her husband Dennis here?
 
It makes me happy to see the phenomenal number of Romances that have developed for my Staff over the years and in the recent past. Ever since our society has rebounded from the trauma of 9/11, things have been smoking around here. Read for yourself the list of the 16 SSQQ instructors who got married or engaged just in the past 18 months alone:
 

  1. SSQQ Instructor Jim Coulter met his wife Ulrike here and married her a year and half ago.
  2. SSQQ Instructor Paula da Silva got married a year and a half ago. 
  3. SSQQ Instructor Tracy King met her husband Jeff Perry, also an SSQQ Instructor, here at the studio. They got married a year and a half ago and recently had their first child Kay Lynn in October.
  4. SSQQ Instructor Kathleen LaBounty got engaged to Mark Oryhon in February.
  5. SSQQ Instructor Carol Armand met Arthur Madrid here in 2001. They married this July.
  6. SSQQ Instructor Rick Archer was engaged to Marla Gorzynski in July. 
  7. SSQQ Instructor Linda Cook was engaged to SSQQ Instructor Timm Chavez in August. 
  8. SSQQ Instructor Michelle Wann announced her engagement to Trent Haynes in October.
  9. SSQQ Instructor Patty Or married David Holmes in November.
  10. SSQQ Instructor Vicki Bernard met Johnny Smith here at SSQQ in 2001. They married in November.
  11. SSQQ Instructor Rachel Seff married Dave Koenig in November.
  12. SSQQ Instructors Ann Bush and Brian White got married at the end of November.
  13. SSQQ Instructor Michelle Yeiter announced her engagement to Scott Keepers in December.
     

Plus I know a couple other Staffers who could very easily succumb to old ssqq slow dance and romance magic at any time, but I don't plan to jinx them by saying something!!

If you want to get married, join the SSQQ Staff. It's that simple. Sometimes I tease we should rename the SSQQ Web Site to the SSQQ Wed Site. 
 
And we haven’t even begun to talk about all the SSQQ Kids. The list starts with Judy Archer’s and my daughter Samantha, Ben and Diana’s two children Cole and Allison, Daryl and JoAnne’s Austin and Ali, Tracy and Jeff Perry’s Kaylynn, plus Tom and Margaret Easley’s Tommy and Ashley.
 
These children are just the tip of the iceberg. For example, read this letter:

ROBERT AND JENNIFER LEAKE

Wednesday, June 11, 2003 2:42 PM
 
“Hi Rick. Four years ago (1999) I met my wife Jennifer at SSQQ during a swing dance class. Our love blossomed over at the Orchid Lounge in the Village.
 
Well, the Orchid Lounge is no longer there and our pretzels have all gone soft but today we have two wonderful additions... Our Twins Alexia and Aidan were born last summer. They are now 8 months old...We are blessed.
 
Thanks for everything!!
Robert and Jennifer Leake”
 

SSQQ is a Family. There are literally hundreds of Slow Dance and Romance children out there from the 400 or so marriages created through SSQQ. Some of these kids are just now getting old enough to take dance classes. You don’t suppose that makes me happy, do you?

Now including Instructors and student alike, here is a review of the 2003 SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance list:
 
January, 2003
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 1 - IMRE KONDOR AND EILEEN KRIEPKE GET MARRIED!
 
February, 2003
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 2 - Wayne Brodd AND Carol Jones ANNOUNCE THEIR ENGAGEMENT
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 3 - SSQQ INSTRUCTOR KATHLEEN LABOUNTY GETS ENGAGED TO MARK ORYHON.
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 4 - SSQQ INSTRUCTOR PATTY O IS ENGAGED TO DAVID KOENIG.
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 5 - SSQQ INSTRUCTOR VICKIE BERNARD IS ENGAGED TO JOHN SMITH
 
April 2003
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 6 - RANDY BEST AND KIM GRAY GET ENGAGED ON VALENTINES DAY!!
 
June 2003
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 7 - WAYNE BRODD AND CAROL JONES GET MARRIED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 8 - LAURA JEAN BRZOZOWSKI AND TIM BELL GET MARRIED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 9 - BRIAN WHITE AND ANN BUSH GET ENGAGED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 10 - RACHEL SEFF AND DAVE KOENIG GET ENGAGED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 11 - MIKE HARRAH AND ANN MCGOWAN GET ENGAGED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 12 - DENNIS TAUPO AND HEATHER BLUE GET ENGAGED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 13 - JASON HEISER AND REBEKAH MORALES GET ENGAGED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 14 - CHUCK MORTON AND BRENDA UFFMANN GET ENGAGED!
 
July 2003
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 15 - MIKE HARRAH AND ANN MCGOWAN GET MARRIED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 16 - RICK ARCHER AND MARLA GORZYNSKI GET ENGAGED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 17 - CAROL ARMAND AND ARTHUR MADRID
”Arthur and I were married in a small ceremony in Louisiana with family and a few friends on July 26. Don’t worry, most people still don’t know that we are married. We usually keep a low profile. It helps to keep us out of trouble!”
 
August 2003
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 18 - SSQQ INSTRUCTOR LINDA COOK AND TIMM CHAVEZ ARE ENGAGED!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 19 - BILL BLUM AND ELLEN CHAPMAN GET ENGAGED!
 
October 2003
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 20 - LINDA MALIN AND BILL HOLDEN ANNOUNCE THEIR ENGAGEMENT!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 21 - VERONDIA NEVILL AND DELAIN GODDARD GET MARRIED!!
“Oh by the way, Rick, Delain Goddard, who I met at SSQQ in April '02, and I were recently married on Oct. 26! Add us to your list of success stories! Verondia.”
 
“Ladies and Gents, Two-Steppers, Polka Babes, and those of you who really appreciate a good-fittin’ pair of Sans-a-Belt slacks, the day has come. Verondia and Delain are hookin’ up to show us how to do the final lesson in the Rick Archer School of Meet ‘Em, Greet ‘Em, and Marry ‘Em.

Well, it’s official!

She said, “yes”. (Along with some whimpering, sniffles, and tears, but I got over it soon enough after she handed me a tissue and told me, “Geez fella, it’s just a marriage.”

“Not like you or I haven’t done that before.”

Okay, okay, yes, she fell apart and threw her arms around me, squeezed me with all the glory of her affection, then said, “Okay, and how big is the diamond going to be?”

Aah, that Verondia. She is so thoughtful. Always thinking about me. . . and how come I can’t afford the “big rock” this time around. Steady, Sometimes Quickly, and definitely with thoughtful Questioning along the way, we have made the decision to join together in marriage this Sunday, October 26, in a small, informal ceremony joined by our children at Champion Forest Baptist Church.

Verondia and I have been dating and exploring our likes and dislikes, her dreams and my demands, for about 1 ½ years and have come to the conclusion that I do know what’s best for us. So, she is forcing me going along with my desire to make this a permanent arrangement. As long as I continue to take her dancing, at least, occasionally to boogy through the only three patterns we were able to get under our belts before leaving SSQQ (for the time being).

Gang, thank you for all the smiles and well wishes you’ve extended to us over the past months.

We always enjoy seeing everyone when we are able to get out and meet up at the honky tonks.

Wish us well, pray for us, and we will see you soon.
Delain and Verondia . . . Goddard”
 
November 2003
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 22 - ANN THEALL AND ED JABLONSKI GET ENGAGED.

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 23 - SSQQ INSTRUCTOR MICHELLE WANN AND TRENT HAYNES GET ENGAGED.

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 24 - ANN KEYES AND JERRY GRIMM GET MARRIED IN NOVEMBER!
Editor’s Note: I am fairly sure that Ann and Jerry met in one of our Whip dance classes. To be very honest, neither Ann nor Jerry took to this difficult dance quickly, but I have to hand it to both of them for their tenacity at staying with it. I remember distinctly the many times they would stay after class to practice together. Then this past summer they decided to join the 2003 SSQQ Jubilee Cruise. They were definitely inseparable by this point. Congratulations!!
 
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 25 - CHUCK MORTON AND BRENDA UFFMANN GET MARRIED NOVEMBER 1!
Mara Rivas recently sent me this note:
“Did you know that Chuck and Brenda got married November 1st?? It was a beautiful wedding from the church ceremony to the reception and the music was very appropriate for the occasion. Very sweet.”

Editor’s Note: Chuck and Brenda signed up for the SSQQ Rhapsody Cruise in the Summer of 2002. I don’t know if they dated before the trip, but I promise you they definitely grew closer together on that cruise. Every day I noticed them curled up in a couch or on a lounge chair at different places chatting away happily or simply hugging each other quietly.

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 26 –
JOHNNY SMITH AND VICKI BERNARD GET MARRIED
 
Vicki Bernard and Johnny Smith got married on Saturday, November 8, in New Iberia, Louisiana.
 
Vicki and Johnny originally met at SSQQ in November 2001. At that time Vicki was an assistant instructor in a Western class that Johnny had signed up for. They soon started dating. One year later they became engaged in December of 2002.
 
Along the way, Johnny developed an interest in Western Waltz, partially because Vicki began to assist Judy Archer in teaching Western Waltz on Sundays. Taking a Waltz class was a good way for Johnny to hang out with his favorite lady.
 
As a result, when Vicki and Johnny began to prepare for their wedding, it was easy to choose to Waltz for their first dance. Although most people think Waltz is the perfect dance for a “First Dance”, in reality only about one couple in twenty end up dancing a Waltz because it is such a difficult dance to excel at.

With this in mind, Johnny prepared very seriously. After taking several Waltz classes in 2002, this year he and Vicki signed up for Sharon Crawford’s legendary Western Waltz class that runs for 5 months from April to August. He took careful notes plus he kept hold of his various syllabi that Sharon passed out for her class.
 
Vicki and Johnny quickly decided on a very beautiful Waltz named “When I Said I Do” by Clint and Lisa Black. Once they had the song chosen, Johnny then went to the trouble of counting the number of beats in the song, then mapping out all the patterns he knew to create a routine.

After Waltz class was over, the two would stay after class on Wednesdays and Sundays to practice whenever possible. By the time the wedding came around, the two dancers were flawless together. They knew the pattern like the backs of their hands. Not only did they have their pattern down a T, they even had the presence of mind to invent techniques in case of an emergency. Now that’s planning! Johnny isn’t an engineer for nothing.
 
As they walked out on floor for the wedding dance, Vicki told me she was not nervous in the slightest. In fact she was looking forward to it! She said Johnny may have been a little nervous, but he certainly didn’t show it. They were so in control as they danced that even a minor glitch didn’t stop them. Early in the dance the strap on one of Vicki’s shoes slipped loose. Vicki said she limped for three beats, then hesitated long enough to lift her dress and reach down to adjust the strap without even losing her stride. Such poise! Their emergency plans paid off as Johnny immediately returned to a Basic. It was all done so smoothly Vicki doubted anyone even noticed.

Her father was so proud of Vicki!! He said she looked like she was floating out there. This makes sense because a well-danced Waltz literally makes a woman with a lovely gown appear to glide across the floor like no other dance can. It must have been wonderful to watch these two well-trained, well-prepared dancers in action!
 
Vicki said when the song was over, 200 people stood up and cheered and applauded with a roar! They had been treated to a marvelous exhibition of dance. It was very inspiring!
 
After the wedding, Johnny and Vicki honeymooned at Playa del Carmen, a resort near Cancun in Mexico. They spent an entire week in Paradise without a care in the world.
 
However, they had a BIG SURPRISE waiting for them when they returned to Houston. Vicki picked up her answering messages. One of the first messages was from her mother announcing that the two were not legally married after all. What? Vicki was stunned.
 
Once she resumed breathing, Vicki listened carefully. It turned out that Johnny had not signed his name on the marriage license. This was due to the fact that Vicki had obtained the license on a visit to her home town one day while Johnny was still in Houston. The plan was for Johnny to sign it on the wedding day. However by the time the wedding rolled around, everyone had completely forgotten. Vicki’s mother said they had two days left before the 10-day expiration date kicked in and voided the marriage!!
 
Johnny and Vicki quickly got in their car and drove to Louisiana. Simultaneously her parents did the same thing and drove towards Houston. Somewhere around Beaumont they met. Johnny hastily signed the license in time for the parents to take it to the courthouse the next morning.
 
Life can be so complicated!!

 

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 27 – PATRICIA OR AND DAVID HOLMES GET MARRIED!!
 
Editor’s Note: On Saturday, November 8, SSQQ Swing Instructor Patty Or, affectionately known to me and to her friends at SSQQ as Patty O, married David Holmes. Patty is a lovely young lady who moved to the United States from Hong Kong shortly before the Chinese Takeover in 1997. She arrived here in the States just in time to participate in the 90s Swing Dance Revival.

Patty is too modest to take credit for creating the Revival herself, but I can tell you she was instrumental in promoting Swing Dancing in Houston. Patty worked tirelessly creating one Swing dance venue after another for several years just so she and her friends could Swing dance practically every night of the week.


Although I was thrilled when Patty said she had gotten engaged, I was also a bit sad for a very odd reason. I myself had coined the silly nickname “Patty O” and had grown fond of using it. Somehow Patty K or Patty Z or whatever her new last name was going to be probably wouldn’t have the same ring to it. When I pointed out I would miss calling her “Patty O” I was surprised to find that she actually liked the nickname too! This is something I was not aware of. Furthermore I discovered from Patty that a lot of her friends liked to call her “Patty O” as well.

I asked Patty what her fiancés name was. Patty said it was “David Holmes”. She immediately went deep into thought, then came back with a smile. Patty suggested I simply add an “H” to the end of her nickname!

So now we have the lovely Patty OH on the staff. Patty is too adorable.

By the way, if you visit her web site, you will see some of the finest pictures of the famous sights of Las Vegas I have ever seen!! (go to www.pattyanddavid.info ) If pictures tell the story, she and David had a heck of a fun honeymoon!
 
Here is the story of Patty Oh’s wedding in her own words:

“David & I met a year and a month before the wedding. Him being a computer expert and highly musical, and me being in the financials and heavily addicted to dancing; we love music all the same. After one year of planning, getting all the details nailed down... it was the big day. Our nuptial took place on November 8th of 2003. We decided that it would be a good date because the year before we had beautiful weather.

However, during the date, the weather was quite gloomy, not necessary a bad thing because it was perfect for taking pictures and boy do we have tons. The good thing was that the morning of the wedding, I was basically resolved to whatever. Meaning that if something were to go wrong, and I’ve been confirmed by many that it will, I said to myself, there’s nothing to be done about that, just go with the flow.

The bad thing was that there were a few miscommunications, the topper wasn’t on top of the cake, the doors weren’t open when we got there. But I didn’t sweat, just go with the flow. As you can see on the pictures, the Swing lessons David took for the 3 months prior paid off, and the private lesson with Judy in Waltz/Box step didn’t look too shabby either.

Advice to many future brides: 1, don’t sweat the family, even if they don’t get along, they will behave. 2, It doesn’t hurt to do a last minute private lesson just to brush up a little before the big day. We did, and it turned out great!
Love, Patty O-H”

 

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 28 – RACHEL SEFF AND DAVE KOENIG GET MARRIED!
 
I have known Rachel Seff for many many years. Rachel joined the SSQQ Staff in 1998. Her warmth, intelligence, and charisma made her one of the most popular instructors we have ever had. Whatever it was that the studio needed, Rachel was always game. If someone needed a sub, Rachel was incredibly giving with her time. If I needed a new crash course taught, Rachel was always game. Rachel loves to perform. Rachel taught belly dancing, she was the lead actress in one Lip Sync skit after another, she organized Christmas Carol singing at her house, and she became notorious for her unusually popular Dirty Dance class. I might add I never had the nerve to ask questions “why” her DD class was so popular. I just smiled and said “thank you”.


You might not know this, but Rachel was particularly good at matchmaking. Particularly in our romance record-setting year of 2000 where we had 30 different documented couples who met at the studio who either got engaged or married, Rachel claimed responsibility for pairing about half of these couples together personally. All year long Rachel and I had a good-natured competition about which of the two of us deserved more credit for assisting the various relationships along. Naturally Rachel claimed she won.

During this same time, I came to realize that Rachel was disappointed that she hadn’t found the right guy for herself. As she watched her friends get married, she wondered why with all her wit, beauty, education, business success, and sex appeal she couldn’t find a man to settle down with. Mind you, that was three years ago.
 
To say that Rachel was picky when it came to men was an understatement. She went about her affairs of the heart very methodically. She was determined not to make a mistake. And when she got depressed about waiting, she would confide her disappointments to me.
 
This said, when Rachel met Dave Koenig, I saw an immediate difference. She liked him a lot right from the start. So ladies, take some advice from Matchmaker Rachel - Do not compromise. Wait for the right guy. He will appear if you are patient enough.
 
Here are some thoughts Rachel shared with me about her courtship and her wedding:
 
“Ahhh…you want the scoop, eh?
 
I kissed a lot of frogs before finding my prince charming. I was in multiple different dating services, went to lots and lots of singles events, and literally forced myself to go to activities where I knew eligible men would be present.
 
In the end, I met my Prince Charming (Dave) through a colleague from work who was also a member of the dating service.  Susan had gone on a date with Dave.  A few days later, I asked her how it went.  She didn’t think he was a match for her, but she thought I might really like him. "Think about it, Rachel. He's from Boston, he likes to dance and he has a boat!!" (Those that know me know I am also from Boston, I love to dance, and love the water and the outdoors).
 
"Hmmm." I was a bit skeptical at first, but I trusted Susan. Thank goodness because she turned out to be right!  
 
Once Susan peaked my interest, I decided to send Dave an email: “My friend Susan thinks we might make a good match. Let me know if you’re interested.” He wrote back immediately and we had a nice ‘Email’ conversation.  
 
I told him a little about the dance studio. I casually mentioned I would be teaching a Belly Dance class, but Dave didn’t seem to pick up on the hint.
 
So on Saturday, November 9, 2002 (almost a year to the day of my marriage!!), I taught my belly dancing class. Then I stayed at the studio for the SSQQ Swing dance party. As I started to head home at 10:30 pm, another instructor, Jill Banta, asked me, "Have you met Dave?"
 
"What are you talking about?" I replied.
 
Jill said, “There's a guy here named Dave that asked me who you were and I pointed you out to him."
 
I responded, "Which guy?"
 
"Him," Jill said as she motioned toward handsome man in a white button-down shirt and red suspenders on a chair in the corner.
 
"That guy has been watching me all night!" I proclaimed.
 
So I proceeded to flirt about and walk back in forth in front of Dave a few times. No response. Finally, I waved at him and motioned I was leaving.
 
Dave stopped me as I was walking out of the studio.
 
"Hey!" he said. "When were you going to say hello?"
 
"When were you going to stop stalking me?" I replied with a flirt.
 
We sat on the sofas and talked for 30 minutes or so. It was a really good first conversation. Covered all of the basics….where are you from….what do you do…etc.
 
And the romance began! First date to dinner at Argentine Grill. He drove me home and immediately asked me out again. Second date to dinner and theatre downtown…and the moment he picked me up I knew this was one special guy. He was dressed in a handsome sport jacket, big smile, and a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses.
 
"This is it!" I told my girlfriends JoAnne Armstrong (Daryl’s wife) and Lisa Cloud as I gushed about him after our second date. Both cautioned me that I have met a lot of frogs in my day and not to get my hopes up that he was my prince.
 
And although we didn’t tell each other out loud, we both knew on the second date that this relationship felt very different than all the others. (But I think it was the belly dancing that really hooked him!)
 
Turns out, Dave also told his friend Jerry after our second date that he was pretty sure I was "the one." Jerry said no way and told him. So Dave bet him $100 and now he has to pay up!
 
Dave and I were married on November 8, 2003, exactly one year from when we met. We had a destination weekend wedding in Newport, RI, for close family and friends.     
 
My advice? Don’t give up! The only way you can meet someone is if your force yourself to get out and participate in activities where you will meet new people.    
 
And oh yeah, take my belly dance crash course in January. It will drive your potential mate crazy with enthusiasm!

Rachel Koenig”

 
(Editor’s Note: I found it interesting that Rachel, always the Matchmaker, actually met Dave through her friend Susan doing some matchmaking of her own. As they say, What Goes Around Comes Around. My guess is Rachel had some serious good karma to cash in on!
 
One of the ways the ssqq magic works is that many students invite their friends to come to the studio with them. The more targets for those floating pheromones to attack and attract, the more likely the chemistry will react. Or put more succinctly, the more the merrier.)

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 29 – SSQQ INSTRUCTORS ANN BUSH AND BRIAN WHITE GET MARRIED!
 
Ann and Brian were married November 29. They just got back from their honeymoon in Hawaii only a couple days ago.
 
Here is what Ann White had to say about the wedding and the honeymoon:
 
“Brian and I were united in marriage on November 29, 2003 at Sagemont Church here in Houston. Both of our families were present to witness this special occasion.
 
On Sunday Brian and I left for our honeymoon, a week in Maui. We arrived in Maui, late Sunday afternoon, just in time to witness the end of their 6 year drought. It rained all day Monday and most of Tuesday. It rained so badly on Monday, in fact, that we ended up getting stranded in another town because the city shuttle bus service quit running because of the flooding.
 
Wednesday was also spent in the rain but that is because we took a tour of the rain forest side of the island.
 
Thursday was spent riding on Jet Ski's, parasailing and riding on the Sugar Cane Train which included a bar-b-q dinner and Hawaiian entertainment.
 
On Friday we went on a boat, with 120 other people, to go snorkeling off two other islan! ds, Molokini and Lanai.
 
Saturday, our final day on the island, (before we had to catch our flight at 7:30pm) was spent bike riding down Mt. Haleakala. This volcano has recently been reclassified as an active volcano in an uneruptive state. From the top of the volcano at 10,000 feet (43 degrees at the top) we coasted down the two lane road for 38 miles to end at the beach (80 degrees at the bottom).
 
We consider this last adventure to be our favorite of the trip although it was all very memorable.”
 
 

SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE 30 – SSQQ INSTRUCTOR MICHELLE YEITER AND SCOTT KEEPERS GET ENGAGED!
 
Editor’s Note: The very lovely Michelle Yeiter helps teach Salsa at SSQQ on Tuesdays. Michelle and her handsome boyfriend Scott Keepers have been seen on many occasions in SSQQ Whip classes throughout the year.
 
In Michelle’s words:
 
“On Saturday evening, December 6, Scott and I were sitting quietly together on the couch at his house. We were in the living room in front of a colorfully lit Christmas tree and a fireplace flickering in the background. To my absolute surprise, Scott handed me a ring and asked me to marry him. He could not have picked a more romantic time.
 
I was very happy to say ‘Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes!’“
 

CONCLUSION TO THE 2003 SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE STORY.

I found interesting an interesting coincidence when I read the three stories of the November 8th SSQQ Brides. Did you notice that each lady got married practically the same time that her romance began one or two years earlier?
 
Vicki got engaged a year after she and Johnny had been dating and got married a year after her engagement. Patty got married a year and a month after she and David began dating. Rachel and Dave got married a year after they started dating.
 
What do you suppose is the reason behind the SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance Magic??

Try catching a butterfly.  It is a lot of work and not terribly satisfying because you have captured a living creature against its will.  But if you sit quietly in a garden with lots of butterflies, the odds are one will simply come sit on your shoulder.  The trick of course is to find the right garden with a lot of butterflies.

Love is the same way. If you chase love, it will flee from you.  But if you hang out in a safe, comfortable place like the studio where a lot of people enjoy being nice to one another, love just might come and sit down next to you one day.

I could be more analytical, but why bother?  Dance and Romance go hand in hand.  Let’s just leave it at that.

2003 was a very good year.

Rick Archer

  STORY SIX RETURN TO HEADLINES
 

CHRIS O’ROURKE PLANS A NEW YEAR’S BASH AFTER NEW YEARS.

  Saturday, January 3, 2004.    8pm till really, really late, late, late…

http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/chrisorourke.htm

I will post a map to Chris’ house as part of the December SSQQ Newsletter on Friday, December 21st.

Chris O’Rourke is an SSQQ instructor who threw some mighty big parties in the late 90s. I went to his party in 1998 and had a very good time. If you visit his web site at the address listed above, you can get a feel for his party.  And he still has time to send me a writeup before the next Newsletter comes out shortly before Christmas.

Be sure to look for the map on the website soon!

STORY SEVEN RETURN TO HEADLINES
 

THE GREAT HALLOWEEN PARTY SCAVENGER HUNT PUZZLE
http://ssqq.com/information/hallo2003puzzle.htm


As you peruse the 300 pictures, why not keep some notes and see if you can find a picture with two halos. Or an apple. Or a duplicate picture. Or a picture with that pesky alien Waldo that visited our party this year. Or count the Cat Women. Or find a Super Hero. Or a Young Republican, a Big Ghost, or an Unidentifiable Costume. It’s fun to keep track of these pictures as you spot them page by page.

The Scavenger Hunt makes you look at each picture more closely. Sometimes there are secrets in the background that would ordinarily escape your eye. 

Sadly only one person bothered to try the Scavenger Hunt.  I am pleased to note however that Mara Rivas would have probably won even if 20 people had submitted answers. She was awesome indeed!!
  STORY EIGHT RETURN TO HEADLINES
 

THE SSQQ CHRISTMAS TOY DRIVE
Sponsored by Judy Archer

 
One of my most enjoyable Christmases ever was in 1998 when SSQQ collected toys to be donated to needy children in Houston.  We had a tremendous response from students and staff and we all felt great about helping a child have a better, more hopeful, Christmas.

This year we would once again like to collect toys for donation.  It's easy to do.  Simply buy a toy for any age child and bring it to the studio.  We'll set up a spot in Room #6 for collection.  The best part?  No wrapping!  Either put the toy in an open gift bag or just leave as is.  My absolute favorite part is buying the studio's share of toys for donation!

Please remember how lucky we are and how happy you can make a needy child this Christmas with a simple gift of caring.”

Judy Archer
SSQQ Dance Studio
713 789 3026
judyarcher@houston.rr.com

  STORY NINE RETURN TO HEADLINES
 

mojo dance shoes is going out of business
Written by Jill Banta

  MoJo Shoes is up for sale.  We are no longer able to give it the attention that it needs so we are going to have a huge sale on stock and entertain offers for the business.  The sales prices on already discounted styles have been reduced even further. 

The Evenin’ Star dance boots are now $149 down from our regular price of $179.  The regular retail for this boot is currently $189.   There are several men and women’s sizes in stock.  We also have a few men’s dress dance shoes.  And don’t forget the dance sneakers discounted from $49 to $29 for men and women.

We have several wedding dance shoes.  They are dyeable white satin and come in open and closed toe styles.  These have been reduced from $72 and $79 to $39.  They are great shoes for when you have to wear a heel, but yet want to do some dancing.

These prices are for in-stock only items.  So hurry before your size is gone.

You can find Jill Banta or Mo Hendrix at the studio on Tuesdays or Thursdays.  If you want to check out the shoes or boots at another time, please e-mail Jill at jillbanta@yahoo.com or call 713-875-8738.

STORY TEN RETURN TO HEADLINES
 

business opportunity:  mojo shoe store is for sale.
Written by Rick Archer

 
Although Mo Hendrix and Jill Banta are not interested in continuing to run a shoe store at SSQQ, the opportunity is still there to make money selling dance shoes.  The big problem that Jill and Mo ran into was not being able to spend enough time at the studio to wait on customers directly.

The huge advantage of the shoe store is that you are guaranteed 100 potential new customers a month who need dance shoes or dance boots. These are people who are new to dancing and don’t already own suitable footwear and might be interested in

Other possibilities include the fact that SSQQ is likely to hire people to collect money for each Practice Night. When we make this move, anyone running the Shoe Store could also make money watching the front door for us.

In addition many people have inquired about buying SSQQ tee shirts and jackets, another potential money maker.

And of course students are always asking for bottled water, another potential sales item. Basically the job would be partly running a store at the studio and watching the door as well.  So you would be working for yourself and working for SSQQ at the same time.

I would imagine this opportunity would be perfect for one or two people who are retired or semi-retired and have their evenings free. 

If you are interested, email Rick Archer at dance@ssqq.com

  STORY ELEVEN RETURN TO HEADLINES
 

SOFT SHOE TAP CLASS COMING TO SSQQ Dance Studio

 
Beginning/Intermediate Tap - Soft Sole

This class is All-American tap (without the tap shoes) to rockin’ music. Get ready to move your feet as we practice shuffles, flaps, time steps and more!  For all you tap lovers, this is the class for you - If you’re a little rusty or just getting started, don’t worry, we’ll be starting from the beginning and adding some jazz moves and turns to keep things interesting.

The class will be from 6-7 pm on Tuesdays starting January 6th. The 4 one-hour lessons a month will cost $20.

Karen Schneider

STORY TWELVE RETURN TO HEADLINES
 

SSQQ STAFF CHANGES FOR JANUARY 2004


Traditionally, December/January is the time when SSQQ experiences more Staff turnover than at any other time in the year. Last year at this time was particularly brutal as we lost some very valuable Staff members such as Susie Merrill, Joanne Spuck, Margie Saibara, and Ted Jones. We also lost many valuable assistants including Anastasia Miller, Sandy Baggett, Jeannie Finn, Melanie Jones, and Rachel Yancey. With a year’s perspective I can tell you now that this was the toughest set of losses at the same time I have ever experienced.  There were some very talented and hard-to-replace people in that group.

Things aren’t nearly as bad this year. We only lost two people.

I am very sad to say goodbye to Wil Coulbourn.  He has recently become a Dad for the first time and wants to spend Fridays with his lovely wife and child. Somehow I have a hard time blaming him for that!   Wil’s friend Leo Skiba will be stepping up to take his place as a Western teacher on Fridays. And there is some good news – Wil said he would enjoy teaching the Dirty Dancing Crash Course now and then with his partner in crime Rachel Seff Koenig.

Abbie Barbley was hired to take Leo’s place as an Assistant on Fridays and will start in January.

Leslie DeRouin, a swing assistant on Mondays, resigned due to knee problems. Lisa Palmer has joined the staff to take Leslie’s place on Mondays.

Tracy King is returning from a four-month absence due to her pregnancy. It will be great to have her back on Sundays!  

Karen Schneider has joined the staff as an assistant on Tuesdays and to teach Tap Dancing at 6 pm the same evening.

And let’s cross our fingers and hope that Susie Merrill returns to the Staff this summer after her year’s exile in Longview is over. Susie is greatly missed around here.

NO STANDING IN LINE – SIGN UP ON-LINE (SSQQ ONLINE REGISTRATION)
https://www153.ssldomain.com/ssqq/register/

 

START OF THE REGULAR FEATURES SECTION

  COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

RICK ARCHER’S CHRISTMAS CAROL CONTEST DOESN’T PLEASE ONE WOMAN
http://ssqq.com/archive/christmaspuzzle00.htm

 

If you have any interest in solving fun puzzles and you like Christmas, this puzzle is a real favorite.  I have placed 50 pictures of famous Christmas Carols and Songs on the ssqq web site such as the one below (Can you guess the name of the carol??).  The puzzle is about matching the 50 Picture Puzzles to a Clue List of 100 famous Christmas Songs.

I cannot claim that this was all my idea. I drew my inspiration from a crude puzzle devised by someone else.  Back in 1996 a former SSQQ Staff Member named Marla Jennings gave me a copy of 24 Christmas Carol Picture Puzzles.  The idea was to guess the identity of a famous Christmas Carol from the picture.  I wasn’t very good at it because I am woeful at remembering the names of Christmas Carols!!   Nevertheless I thought it was very clever.

I lost track of the puzzle and forgot about it until three years later when I stumbled across it again in 1999 while looking for another document. I decided to scan the pictures into the computer and put them up on my web site. I then created 26 more pictures to make it an even 50.

The biggest problem most people faced was like me they weren’t that familiar with many names of Christmas Carols. For example, I can remember the names when I hear them, but that’s about it. So to make things easier in 2002 I added a list of 100 Christmas Carol and Song names to pick from.  Now the puzzle seemed pretty easy to me.

(By the way, what was your answer for the picture above?  If you guessed “Silver Bells”, close but no cigar. If you said “Jingle Bells”, then you obviously have some potential for this game!)

In 2002 something odd happened.  I didn’t get very many responses from the SSQQ community, but I was inundated with requests for the answers from people all over the country. I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught!   I must have had 50 to 100 inquiries.  I got irritated because almost every inquiry asked for the answers without bothering to solve the puzzle. 

So this year I added a special feature: Give me 30 right answers and I will send the entire list of 50 answers. Everyone is very good about sending me their list first and I am glad to share the rest.  So far in 2003 I have had over 100 requests for the answers!!

But where were all these inquiries coming from?  Finally I got my answer when a man emailed me to ask for the answers. He added that he had found my site by doing a Google Search on the Internet.  Out of curiosity I went to Google and typed in “Christmas Puzzle”.  I received 900,000 hits. Hmm. How in the world did they find my puzzle out of a million choices?

So I opened a couple pages. Lo and behold the SSQQ Christmas Puzzle was on Page 3.  Not bad!!

Then I typed in “Christmas Carol Puzzle”.  SSQQ was on Page 1 for these three key words. I had my answer!! 

This year I have fielded requests for the answers from people in Australia, South Africa, New Zealand, and Canada. Most of the requests for the answers come either from people looking for something to do at a Christmas Party they are hosting at work or home and from school teachers looking for something fun for the kids to do in the final week.  I must have gotten at least 30 emails from teachers.  Here are seveal examples:

-----Original Message-----
From: Erin Collins

Sent:
Thursday, December 18, 2003 10:47 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: christmas puzzle

“Rick, Here are the answers I have.  Could you fill in the ones I'm stuck on and correct any I may not have rightMy extended Family of 25 is counting on you as we are playing this Christmas Eve!

Thanks and great site!
Erin”
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Edwards, Kerri
Sent: Wednesday, December 17, 2003 4:17 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Christmas Puzzle Quiz

“Attn:  Rick Archer,

The following are my answers to your Christmas puzzle list.  Were all these titles REAL songs?  In any case, I would very much like to have a copy of the answers.  I'd like to use these with my music students just for fun.  Thank you! 

Kerri Edwards
Director, Choral Department
Iowa Park High School”

 

RICK ARCHER’S REPLY:

“Yes, all the titles are correct. Mind you, I got a few titles from country-western albums here and there in a desperate attempt to come up with 100 titles.  Finally I just could not find one new title to save my soul so I threw in “Inna Gadda da Vida” by Iron Butterfly to make it to 100. Not exactly a classic Christmas carol, but I was tired.  The idea is to make the puzzle a little harder by giving extra choices.

Other than that I promise you the puzzle is on the level!  Hope your kids have fun!"
 

-----Original Message-----
From: Laurice Badino
Sent: Wednesday, December 17, 2003 7:10 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Christmas Puzzle answers

 “Hi Rick,

I'm a gifted resource teacher in a middle school, and always on the lookout for puzzles. I ran across your Christmas song puzzle.  Too Cute!

I thought I might try it out with the kids, but I myself am not sure of a few of the pictures.

You said you would send the answer key if we sent you the answer to 30 of them, so here it goes…”


-----Original Message-----
From: Cindy Noster
Sent: Wednesday, December 17, 2003 11:25 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: A BIG Thank you!

Thanks Rick-

My class will have a ball with this puzzle and having the answer will make them think I am so smart. Remember that's our little secret.

Have a Great Holiday!   

Cindy

In addition to the many requests from teachers and Christmas Party hosts, there was one particular email that was my favorite of the 2003 season:

-----Original Message-----
From: Opal Rabalais
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2003 12:07 AM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: christmas song puzzle

“Dear Mr. Rick Archer:

Here are my answers to the Christmas song puzzle.  Please send me the answers.  I work in a prison and I have stayed up late trying to figure them all out so I can give the puzzle to the guys as something to do on Christmas Eve. Surely, I have thirty right, Ha!  Ha! 

Thanks for the fun and I wait for the answers as soon as possible.”

RICK ARCHER REPLY:

“Nice work, Opal. You did great!!   And good for you for going out of your way to do something nice to cheer up an evening which otherwise would have been pretty gloomy!  I am honored to be able to assist you!”

Then one morning out of the blue came an email request that blew my mind.

-----Original Message-----
From: Francine Warner
Sent: Monday, November 24, 2003 12:26 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Pictures of Famous Christmas Songs

Hi Rick:

I was wondering if you have an electronic version of these pictures that you can send to me?  I am doing a PowerPoint with these on them for a contest with a church group.  When I enlarge the ones from your site (and from other sites) they get very blurry.  I can't find these pictures anywhere else on the web that has a higher quality.  But perhaps if I could get a hold of originals (hopefully BMP format) that would be great. It would also help greatly if the pictures could be in color.

Is this something that you can help me with?  Do you know a website where can I find these pictures with better resolution?

Don’t forget to include the answers.

Regards, Francine Warner

RICK ARCHER’S REPLY:

“Ms. Warner,

I have had over 100 people email me to ask for the answers.  You are the first to ask for the answers without bothering to solve thirty correctly like everyone else.

If you want the answers, please give me thirty answers first like I asked for.“

FRANCINE WARNER’S REPLY:

“Well, I tried the puzzle.  Hopefully I have at lease 30 correct - you'll send the answers to me?”

Clue
List
My Answers
2 46
3 30
6 17
15 61
23 10
26 75
13 50
etc etc

RICK ARCHER’S REPLY

“Ms. Warner, at first I was simply going to cut and paste the answers like I do with everyone else and send them to you, but your answers were in such an odd format I got suspicious.  Most people simply give the picture number and the name. You didn’t even bother with the names of the songs.  So I checked your answers. Not one answer was correct!!!  

What planet are you from, Ms. Warner??  Do they not have Christmas Carols on your planet?

2 is “Walking thru a Winter Wonderland”.  Your answer was “I STILL BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS”
3 is “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”. Your answer was “GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN”
6 is “The Little Drummer Boy”. Your answer was “CHRISTMAS IN DIXIE”

It is obvious you didn’t even lift a finger to solve these puzzles. Instead you just inserted some numbers and figured I would be too stupid to figure it out so you wouldn’t have to waste any of your precious time.

I checked three others just for a laugh and they weren’t any closer. How does it feel to get caught cheating on a Christmas Carol Puzzle, Ms. Warner? 

First you said:  “I can't find these pictures anywhere else on the web that has a higher quality.”

The reason you can’t find them elsewhere is that I created 80% of them myself.  If you see them elsewhere and they are the same size, it is because someone copied them from me.

And I was stunned to find that you expected a total stranger to email you larger copies so your enlargements wouldn’t be so blurry. Do you realize this would take hours of work? 

Furthermore these pictures are in black and white because the only pictures I had to work with were black and white.

Did you know it took me TWO SOLID WEEKS working on my computer paint program to make up this quiz?  And do you realize it takes maybe 20 minutes to figure out 30 answers?   But rather than invest twenty minutes to figure out a few clues, you decided you were too damn busy to bother to take the quiz.

And what kind of church group did you say you belonged to?  Didn’t you learn anything about integrity in that church group?

You have more nerve than any person I have ever dealt with on the Internet.“

  JOKES RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

BEST NEW JOKES OF THE MONTH

  Over the years, we have been sent countless numbers of jokes by our Newsletter Readers.  We have kept what we thought were the best.  At this point we have now have a Hall of Fame collection of over 600 jokes.  Many of them are real gems. We rotate these jokes on a monthly basis so over the year you get to read them all.

In addition to our "Classics", we also get many new jokes each month sent in by our students.  This section contains our favorites.  At the end of each year we add these jokes to the "Immortal Collection".

By the way, getting a joke selected isn't very easy since we have been collecting jokes for so long. It's tough to find a new one.  So if you send in a great joke and nothing ever happens, trust us - it is already on the Web Site.  If you don't believe us, email and ask about your joke!!  I am serious. I will show you where the joke is.

We greatly appreciate any jokes you would like to submit. Send them to Rick Archer at dance@ssqq.com

 


 
Joke One: The Christmas Cop
Contributed by Marlies Whitmoyer
 
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl named Jasmine on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said, "did Santa bring it to you?
 
" Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
 
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.”
 
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
 
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
 
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
………………………
 
Joke Two: What Happens When You Get a Blonde Genie?
Contributed by Anonymous Hieronymous

(Editor’s Note: this one is NOT politically correct. Please ignore if easily offended.)
 
(Sorry, but at a student's request, this joke was removed.  We will discuss what constitutes good taste and bad taste in jokes in next month's issue)
............................
.

Joke Three: The Dangerous Looking Biker
Contributed by Chris Holmes
 
A biker stops by the Harley shop to have his bike fixed.
 
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
 
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. Then he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
 
The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
 
"Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.
 
But in the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
 
The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
 
The little old lady looked him over cautiously, and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall against my will, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
 
The biker said, "Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
 
The little old lady said, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and let me hold the chickens for you".
…………………
 
Joke Four: The Undernourished Alligator
Contributed by Chris Holmes
 
Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller one turned
to the bigger one and said, "I cain't unnerstand how you kin be so much
bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids..I just don't
get it."
 
"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?"
 
"Lawyers, same as you," replied the small 'gator.
 
"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"
 
"Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot of that law firm."
 
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
 
"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer someone to unlock
the door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the shit out of 'em,
and eat 'em!"
 
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin'
any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of
a lawyer, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."
………………..
 
Joke Five: The Godfather and his Bookkeeper
Contributed by Leroy Ginzel
 
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for Ten million bucks.
 
This bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper:
 
"Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
 
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
 
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says: "Ask him again!
 
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
 
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
 
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
 
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger.
……………………
 
Joke Six: The Middle-Aged Woman
Contributed by Phyllis Porter
 
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.
 
"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."
 
"This one's kind of strange..."
 
"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.
 
"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies."
 
"I see."
 
"That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl."
 
"Uh-huh"
 
"That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!," she implored, "! I'm scared out of my wits!"
 
The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about."
 
Then he paused before telling her the diagnosis. The woman held her breath with fear.
 
"You're simply going through the Change…"
…………….
 
Joke Seven: The Old lady and the Cop
Contributed by Marlies Whitmoyer


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
 
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
 
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
 
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
 
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
 
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
 
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
 
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
 
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
 
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.
 
Officer #2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
 
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
 
Officer #2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
 
Officer #2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
 
Officer #2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
 
Officer #2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
 
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The
officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
 
Officer #2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdere d and hacked up the owner.
 
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
………………
 
Joke Eight: The Recovering Mental Patient
Contributed by Judy Walsh
 
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Edna’s heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Edna the news he said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Edna replied “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry....How soon can I go Home?”
………………
 
Joke Nine: The Four Jewish Sons and the Chanukah Present
Contributed by Judy Walsh
 
Four Jewish brothers left home for college. They became successful doctors, and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the Chanukah gifts they had recently sent to their widowed elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
 
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
 
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
 
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffeur."
 
The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Torah. You also know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this Rabbi who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Torah.
It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the temple. Let me tell you...it was worth it. All Mama has to do is name a chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
 
The other brothers were impressed.
 
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:
 
“Milton, The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”
 
“Menachim, You give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.”
 
“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes...and the driver you hired is a Nazi. The thought was good. Thanks.”
 
“Dearest Melvin, You were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you, Mom.”
…………………………
 
Joke Ten: The Two Doctors
Contributed by Donna Ruth
 
Two doctors opened an office in a small town. They put up a sign reading:
 
"DR Smith and DR Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."
 
The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias and Posteriors."
 
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
 
No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and Colonics". Nope. Thumbs down again.
 
Then came, "Manic-depressives and Anal-Retentives."
 
But this was still not good! So they tried every name they could think of:

"Minds and Behinds"
"Analysis and Anal Cysts"
"Nuts and Butts"
"Freaks and Cheeks"
"Loons and Moons"
"Lost Souls and Butt Holes"
 
None worked.
 
Almost at their wits end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:
 
"DR Smith and DR Jones, Odds and Ends."
 
APPROVED!
…………………….
 
Joke Eleven: The Cowboy with the Big Feet
Contributed by Judy Walsh
 
A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.
 
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
 
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
 
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. You don’t have to do that. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
 
"Don't be flattered ... take the money and go buy yourself the right size boots."
…………………..
 
Joke Twelve: The Christmas Traditions
Contributed by Chris Holmes
 
The teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they celebrate Christmas. She
called first on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?"
 
Patrick addressed the class: "Me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
 
"Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"
 
"Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad, and we sing carols. When we get home, we put cookies and milk by the chimney and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."
 
"That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said. Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked him the same question. "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
 
"Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responded.
 
Surprised, Mrs. Jones questioned further. "Tell us what you sing."
 
"Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing, 'What a friend we have in Jesus.'
 
Then we all fly to the Bahamas."
………………
 
Joke Thirteen: The Anniversary
Contributed by Judy Walsh
 
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a large tumbler of scotch in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his drink.
 
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
 
The husband looks up from his drink. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
 
"Yes, I do," she replies.
 
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father, the cop, caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
 
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
 
The husband continued, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'"
 
"I remember that too", she replied softly.
 
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."
…………………..
 
Joke Fourteen: Anger Management
Contributed by Leroy Ginzel
 
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Fred Hanifin. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled,
“You’re an asshole!” and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an asshole!” It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic ‘asshole’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!”
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window ...so, I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole,
(I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked. “My name is Don Hansen,” he said. “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?” “I’m home every evening after five.” “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?” “Yes?” “Don, you’re an asshole.” Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too! .
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
“Hello.”
“You’re an asshole!” (But I didn’t hang up.)
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hansen.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole.”
Then I called Asshole #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, asshole,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are?”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.
There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
I feel much better. I helped connect two people who deserved each other.
…………………..
Joke Fifteen: Advice for Men
Contributed by Randy Mellard
Advice for  guys:

Hey, Fellas.......I'm sure you know how, when you make your wife mad, she nags at you.  And then, if you really make her mad, she gives you the silent treatment.

Seems to me that it's worth the extra effort.
  SSQQ EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

BRYAN SPIVEY and Krista johnson AND JUDY ARCHER

 

This award goes to an SSQQ Staff member who does something beyond the call of duty.  In any given month, there are always at least 100 quiet acts of simple kindness performed by someone who works at SSQQ for which the person gets no credit, but our organization benefits from the gratitude.  The problem for me is that these many moments usually occur way under my radar. So if you have an instructor to nominate, please let me know and why!!   dance@ssqq.com

On the other hand, sometimes the move is dramatic enough to catch my eye so I can say something about it.

In December, Bryan Spivey asked me if he could teach a private Swing dance class to a group of people getting ready for a huge New Year’s Eve Swing dance.  He said he would ask fellow Swing teacher Krista Johnson, whose nickname I recently discovered is “Shortstack”, to help him.

I gave Bryan and Krista a key and the go-ahead.  On Saturday, December 13, they held at workshop at the studio for nearly 50 people in attendance.  The workshop was very popular and there was a big buzz among the students about continuing with classes after the New Year’s Party.

This workshop benefited the studio in two ways – it made a lot of money for the studio to help pay the rent and it created a lot of positive energy that will carry over into next year. To say I am grateful is a big understatement.  Thank you Bryan and Krista!!

Soon Bryan will be involved in another arduous task for which he did not expect any credit. Bryan and Judy Archer will be spending the Christmas holidays refinishing the dance floors at the studio.  This huge job is not fun nor is it glamorous.  But it is much appreciated by me and by all the students who like to dance here. 

When you see Bryan and Judy, please thank them from the bottom of your heart for their hard work!

One more thing: Bryan and Judy could use one more hand at the refinishing job. It pays money. If you have some free time during the day over the Holidays, let us know. Email to dance@ssqq.com

Ladies are just as welcome to apply as men. If Judy can do it, so can another lady.

One more thing – every year Judy Archer goes out of her way to sponsor an SSQQ Toy Drive.  During December, various SSQQ students drop off a toy on their way to class.  Like my mention of acts of simple kindness, no one really notices who participates and no one is around to say “thank you” to the many people who are gracious enough to contribute. 

But each year on the Saturday after the SSQQ Christmas Party, Judy loads up the car with dozens of toys and drives over to Toys for Tots or to a woman’s shelter and donates the toys.

It is a lot of work, but the gratitude is always there somewhere from the kids who get a gift from someone who cared enough to help out.  Thank you, Judy, for organizing this gesture.

  LOGIC PUZZLE RESULTS RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE WINNERS OF THE DECEMBER SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE: WHO OWNS RUDOLPH?

Way up at the North Pole, Santa and his elves live a relatively normal life for much of the year. Santa in particular is a best friend with four elves: Fritz, Olaf, Andreas and Hans.

These five men live in Winter Wonderland, a ritzy North Pole subdivision. As friends, they do everything together. Each of the five keeps one of the Reindeer in his cottage with him for company: Prancer, Dancer, Comet, Cupid, and of course Rudolph.
 
Now, from the clues listed below, do you think you can figure out which of the four elves or Santa keeps Rudolph in his cottage?? And who drinks the cider??
 
The December puzzle listed above was pretty tough, but we still managed to have twelve winners. And now for the drum roll, please!
 

Announcing the 2003 December Logical Celebrities!!

1. Elicia Moody (two months in a row)
2. Laurie Johnson (First Time Winner, welcome to the Club!)
3. Jeff and Connie Woodman (Tied with Mara Rivas for first place with six months in a row!!)
4. Hameed Rashid (First Time Winner, welcome to the Club!)
5. Mara Rivas (Tied with the Woodmans for first place with 6 months in a row!)
6. Verondia Goddard (First Time Winner, welcome to the Club!)
7. Marlies Whitmoyer (Fifth Month in a Row!!)
8. Rue Lynn Allen (First Time Winner, welcome to the Club!)
9. Samantha Archer (with help from Dad)
10. Tony Hsueh (First Time Winner, welcome to the Club!)
11. Susan Arevalo (Fifth Month in a Row!!)
12. Ann Faget  (Fourth Month in a row!)

We had five first-time winners: Verondia Goddard, Laurie Johnson, Hameed Rashid, Rue Lynn Allen, and Tony Hseuh. Since there are so many new timers I was unable to choose one for “Logic Rookie of the Month”. Maybe it is just as well because our previous two rookies of the month have been disappointing: Marla Gorzynski and Tim Crist didn’t bother to enter the next month. Hmpph.
 
I hope our new SSQQ Logic Club winners try next month’s puzzle as well!
 
I was sorry to see Robby Thompson fail to submit an answer this month. He was tied for first place with Mara Rivas and Jeff and Connie Woodman. I asked him about it and he said he decided to take a Break. Oh well.
 
That means Mara Rivas, the Puzzle Queen, is tied for first place with Jeff and Connie as we start the New Year. They have solved the monthly puzzle six months in a row. Not bad!
 
And right on their heels is Marlies Whitmoyer and Susan Arevalo at five months in a row. You go Girls!!
 
I have discovered that solving the SSQQ Logic Puzzle is good for Romance too. Elicia Anderson Moody solved a couple puzzles and now she just got married! And Verondia Nevill Goddard solved the puzzle this month and the next thing you know she got married too! Amazing!
 
Men go nuts over logical women, perhaps because there are so few of them. Oops, just kidding!!

  THE NEW LOGIC PUZZLE RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE JANUARY SSQQ LOGIC PUZZLE: THE NATURE OF GOSSIP!
http://ssqq.com/archive/logicpuzzle14.htm

 
(Editor’s Note: Anyone who has read this month’s article on SSQQ Slow Dance and Romance will agree the plot to the story below isn’t quite a far-fetched as it seems. This is a cool puzzle. I hope you all enjoy it!)
 
There is a saying that Gossip is the most powerful force in the Universe second to Gravity. And some say Gossip travels at the speed of Light!
 
Miss Fox is the only single dance teacher left on the Staff at the QQSS Creatures Meet Dance Studio.
 
One evening Miss Fox arrived at the QQSS Dance Studio with an exciting secret – she was engaged to a gentleman she had met in one of her dance classes!! Shortly before she began her private lesson at 6 pm she shared her secret with her two closest friends on the staff - Ben and the Night Club teacher.
 
They just happened to be at the studio early that evening for lessons of their own. Now three people were in on the “Secret”.
 
When her private lesson was over at 6:45 pm, Miss Fox told her student she would be back later for Practice Night at 9 pm if he wanted to get in some extra well-needed dance practice. Then she left the building to meet her fiancé for dinner.
 
Unbeknownst to Miss Fox, as the other QQSS teachers began to stroll in for their 7 pm classes, Ben and the Night Club teacher turned around and each whispered the Secret to two other instructors. Now 7 people were in on the Secret!!
 
Then during Break, each of the four instructors who had heard “The Secret” shortly before classes started at 7 pm turned around and whispered the secret to yet two more instructors.
 
With that, the entire teaching staff for the evening – 14 fellow teachers (who it turns out were all married to one another) – was in on the good news about Miss Fox.
 
This meant that now 15 different people at QQSS were in on the Secret.
 
Figuring it was common knowledge at this point, during the second hour of dance class, the 14 Instructors told all their students. Now EVERYBODY was in on the secret.
 
When Miss Fox returned for Practice Night at 9 pm with her fiancé at her side, she was astonished to discover the Whole World knew of her once closely guarded secret. As they say, the Cat was definitely out of the Bag!!
 
Incredulous, her fiancé turned to Miss Fox and said, “I thought you had said at dinner you had only told 2 people?” Miss Fox was too shocked to even reply.
 
Isn’t it amazing how fast word gets around?
 
From the following clues, can you determine the full names of each of the 15 teachers, the subject taught by each teacher, and who told whom of Miss Fox’s engagement?
 
On your mark, get set, GO!
http://ssqq.com/archive/logicpuzzle14.htm

 
  JOKE PICTURE OF THE MONTH RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE SSQQ JOKE PICTURE OF THE MONTH
Joke Picture

 


GUESS WHO IS COMING TO VISIT YOUR HOUSE THIS CHRISTMAS??
Contributed by Rich Lybarger

If it were not so pathetic, it would be funnier. But then if it were not so pathetic maybe it wouldn’t be funny.  Whatever.
I laughed pretty hard at this one!

  PUNISHMENT RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE WORST SSQQ PUN OF THE MONTH
(There is no such thing as a good pun...)

 
The Dentist's Office
Contributed by Chris Holmes

This guy goes into his dentist's office, because of pain in his mouth.

After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke!  That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded!  What on earth have you been eating?"

"Well...  the only thing I can think of is this...  my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it...  Hollandaise sauce she called it...  and doctor, I'm talking' DELICIOUS!  I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything...meat, fish, toast, vegetables...  you name it!"

"That's probably it," replied the dentist. "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive.  It seems as though I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time."

"Why chrome?" the man asked.

"Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

  VOCABULARY RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE SSQQ VOCABULARY WORD OF THE MONTH

:
CATHOLIC
Contributed by Rick Archer

CATHOLIC  (adjective)

  1. Of broad or liberal scope, comprehensive. 
  2. Including or concerning all humankind; universal.
  3. not narrow-minded or bigoted. Liberal, as in “catholic” tastes.
  4. related to the Catholic church

Sentence: “Men of other countries came to bear their part in so great and catholic a war”  (quote by Southey)

(Editor’s Note: If you have a good vocabulary word, send it in!!   dance@ssqq.com )

  CLEAN SIDE RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES
 

THE SSQQ JANUARY CLEAN SIDE JOKE PAGE
Clean Side Jokes

  Over the years, SSQQ has been fortunate to receive many jokes sent to us by our Newsletter readers. We have compiled them into our Monthly Joke Page. At the end of the year, I will add the jokes that appear in our "Best New Jokes" column into this monthly "Hall of Fame" section. This way your jokes will become immortal!!

This year only one new joke was added to the Immortal List of jokes.
Congratulations to long-time contributor
Leroy Ginzel for “Sarah Finkel” from January of 2003.

Here are the the Best Jokes from the past:
January CS 01: Suspicious Wives - Bill Mayo
January CS 02: Blind Man Jumping - Bill Mayo
January CS 03: The Drunk - Gary Richardson
January CS 04: The Poker Game - Gary Richardson
January CS 05: Golf on the Island - Gary Richardson
January CS 06: The Ballerina - Mike Gerstenberger
January CS 07: The Bridge - countless unnamed women
January CS 08: The Super Bowl - Richard Bevis and Susan Schroeder
January CS 09: The Genius Monkey Store - Pat Roberts
January CS 10: The Art Collector - Lynn Bevis
January CS 11: Incognito - Debbie Awad
January CS 12: Smart Comments from Smart Women - Pat Roberts
January CS 13: The Genie - Susan Schroeder
January CS 14: Law Enforcement - Sylvia Tucker
January CS 15: Engineer Joke Number 2000 - Sylvia Tucker
January CS 16: The Blonde and the Airplane I - Mike Guillory
January CS 17: The Blonde and the Airplane II - Sharon Crawford
January CS 18: Hot Shot Lawyer & the Texas Hick - Sylvia Tucker
January CS 19: The Trans Canadian Railroad Trip - Patty Jones
January CS 20: The Woman Who Had No Enemies - Pat Roberts
January CS 21: The Understanding Husband - Mike Guillory
January CS 22: The Aging Couple Loses Their Mind - Mike Guillory
January CS 23: Having a Bad Day - Leroy Ginzel
January CS 24: The Meaning of Life - Leroy Ginzel
January CS 25: A Woman's Four Favorite Animals - Gary Richardson
January CS 26: Sarah Finkel - Leroy Ginzel


Since Houston is hosting the Super Bowl this year, I thought it would be fun to publish my favorite Super Bowl joke.
 
January CS 08: The Super Bowl - Richard Bevis and Susan Schroeder

 
A salesman named Joe receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company for leading his company in sales the past year. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than he is to the field.
 
About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50-yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium. He cleverly waits till the security guards are preoccupied with helping someone else and dashes to the empty seat at the end of the row.
 
Before sitting down, Joe asks the elderly gentleman sitting next to the seat, "Excuse me, Sir, but is anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Joe replies, "I don't have a ticket for this seat, but I hate to see it go to waste. Would you mind if I sat here?"
 
The elderly man stares at Joe for a moment, and then replies, "No, go ahead. Have the seat."
 
So Joe sits down and watches the game. It is one of the best games ever. He is very excited to be in such a great seat for the game. This is a dream come true. The Rams get off to a big lead, but the Titans fight back and nearly send the game into overtime on the last play. Joe screams his head off the entire game.
 
Now with the game over, exhausted but thrilled beyond compare, Joe remarks to the old man, "I wonder who owns this seat? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?"
 
The old man stares back at him, then says, "My wife and I own these seats. We've been to every Super Bowl since the beginning."
 
Joe says, "Oh, well, that explains it. But gosh, where is your wife?"
 
"She couldn't make it."
 
"I wonder why not. This game was great !!"
 
"She died."
 
Joe covered his mouth with shock, but he didn't get to be salesmen of the year by not being persistent, so he asks, "Oh, I'm sorry. That's too bad. You must really miss her. But why didn't you bring one of your friends to keep you company?"
 
"I tried to. I must have asked 20 people, but they all went to the funeral instead."
  BLUE SIDE RETURN TO HEADLINES RETURN TO REGULAR FEATURES RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

THE SSQQ JANUARY BLUE SIDE JOKES!

  The Blue Side Jokes are one of the great secrets of the SSQQ web site.  It is your reward for taking dance classes at SSQQ.  Anyone who is on the SSQQ Registration List is welcome to have access.

All you need to do to get the address is to email me from the email address you use to register for classes and request it. dance@ssqq.com   I

January BS 01: Freudian Slip - Gillian Tilbury
January BS 02: Venus and Mars, Chapter 2001 - Leo Skiba
January BS 03: Eugenics - Sylvia Tucker
January BS 04: Redneck Logic - Bill Mayo
January BS 05: How to Drive Your Woman Wild - Lynn Bevis
January BS 06: The Birds and the Bees - Susan Schroeder
January BS 07: The Face Lift - Pat Roberts
January BS 08: The Indian Researcher - Patty Jones
January BS 09: Drunk as a Skunk - Ted Jones
January BS 10: The Best Weight Loss Plan Ever - Susan Schroeder
January BS 11: Begging Their Wives to Play Golf - Susan Schroeder
January BS 12: Skinny Dipping - Susan Schroeder
January BS 13: The Woodpecker Challenge - Gary Richardson
January BS 14: Nationalities - Carol Nelson
January BS 15: The Four Fractured Fairy Tales - Pat Roberts
January BS 16: The Three Nuns - Lynne Tadlock
January BS 17: Irish Boasting - Anita Williams
January BS 18: The Huge Mortgage - Leroy Ginzel
January BS 19: Bubba has a Complaint - Chris Holmes
January BS 20: Lonely in Alaska - Chris Holmes
January BS 21: Fractured Valentine's Cards - Leroy Ginzel
 
Although the Blue Side is off-limits to the outer world and only SSQQ Students are invited into the inner sanctum of “Dirty Jokes”, each month we manage to find one that is printable. This next joke is one of my very favorites. Enjoy!
 
January BS 11: Begging Their Wives to Play Golf - Susan Schroeder
 
First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
 
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
 
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
 
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
 
Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said, 'don’t forget your sweater!!'"
 
 

START OF THE SPECIAL FEATURES SECTION

SF ONE     RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE ONE

CAN YOU SPOT A SERIAL KILLER?
Contributed by Sandy Lenarduzzi


-----Original Message-----
From: Sandy the Dooze
Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2003 11:53 PM
To: ssqq@houston.rr.com
Subject: Serial killer quiz
 
Rick, Try this out.
 
http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/
 
See if you are smarter than me and be truthful. Let's see how smart you are....I got 9 out of 10!!
 
Sandy the Dooze

(Editor’s Note: Happy Days had the Fonz and SSQQ has the Dooze!  Sandy Lenardoozy has a very odd preoccupation with serial killers, probably because she tends to date them by accident all the time. This is the second month in a row she has sent in an item about serial killers!
 
At any rate, I took the serial killer quiz and didn’t do too well. I only got 5 and two of them were people I actually recognized from magazine articles. It turns out that computer programmers and serial killers look almost alike. Check that. It turns out that serial killers look more trustworthy than computer programmers! Enjoy this interesting quiz.)

SF TWO     RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE TWO

 

Donald
Rumsfeld receives 'Foot in Mouth' award
Contributed by Ann Faget
 
Tuesday, December 2, 2003 · Last updated 6:57 a.m. PT
By SUE LEEMAN
ASSOCIATED PRESS WRITER
 
LONDON -- He may not know it - or know that he knows it - but Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has won this year's "Foot in Mouth" award for the most baffling statement by a public figure.
 
Britain's Plain English Campaign, scourge of jargon, cliches and legalese, announced the honors Tuesday, giving runner-up to California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
 
The top prize went to Rumsfeld for this logic-twister he gave at a press briefing on Iraq:
"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns, there are things we know we know," Rumsfeld said.
"We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know."
"We think we know what he means," said Plain English Campaign spokesman John Lister. "But we don't know if we really know."
 
Schwarzenegger's honored entry, made to a radio interviewer, was more straightforward: "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."
 
British politician Chris Patten was singled out for his assessment of Britain's main opposition party: "Having committed political suicide, the Conservative Party is now living to regret it."
The annual "Golden Bull" award was shared by several British companies: JMC Airlines, now part of the Thomas Cook travel group; Lloyds Pharmacy, clothing and household goods retailer Marks and Spencer, electrical appliance maker SMEG, the bank Standard Life and Warburtons Bakers.
Marks and Spencer was cited for the label "now with roast chicken" on a roast chicken salad. "So what was in it before?" asked the campaign.
 
SMEG was criticized for a dishwasher manual which contained the instruction: "By pressing the relative button of desired program (see table) it will lid up the relative pilot light to confirm that the operation did occurred on the DISPLAY (9) will appear a program duration forecasting ('hmm')." (Sic)
SMEG spokeswoman Pauline Dewhurst apologized and said the company has since produced easier-to-read guides.
SF THREE     RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE THREE

 

EMAIL LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: CHRISTMAS DANCE STORY
(Editor’s Note: This letter was sent to me a couple years ago. I have reprinted it from the January 2002 Newsletter.
 

Mon 12/17/2001 2:41 PM
“Hi Rick,
 
My name is Frank Jefferson. I doubt you will remember me and my wife Jackie, but we remember your studio very well. We took lessons at SSQQ back in 1991 for about five months until my company transferred me to Denver that summer.
 
The reason I am writing is to tell you how your studio and dancing changed my life and my marriage eleven years ago. I ran across your web site the other day while I was visiting my oldest son here in Houston. He mentioned an interest in taking dance classes so I looked you up on the Internet. As I read some of your anecdotes, I started to reminisce about learning to dance Western at SSQQ. Then it occurred to me my Christmas story might be interesting to some of the people who visit your studio.
 
As 1990 neared its conclusion, things were going pretty well for me. My career as an accountant was going well, one boy was finishing his doctorate work at UT, my other son was in college and my daughter was a senior in high school. I thought my marriage was doing pretty well, but as I look back I realize increasingly my wife and I were spending less and less time together. Part of the problem was I had become a golf addict.
 
Back then I played golf Friday, Saturday, and Sunday without question and usually managed to play a round during the week plus at least go practice my driving or my putting after work one or two other days. It was an obsession with me. I love the game with a passion (still do for that matter!). What other sport allows you to visit with friends, take a leisurely stroll through the woods and beautiful scenery, gives you some good exercise, and challenges you mentally as well as physically?
 
Even when I wasn’t playing, I was reading golf magazines or watching a golf tournament on TV or on videotape. I may have physically been in the house, but mentally I was usually on the golf course. As I said, I was a golf addict.
 
Then came Christmas 1990. Christmas was always an agony for me since as usual I had no clue what to buy my wife for a present. What do you give the woman who has every possession she would ever need? I wracked my brains for what to get her. Finally in desperation I gave up and simply asked, “Jackie, what do you want for Christmas this year?”
 
It was almost like she had been waiting for this moment! Without hesitation her reply was to grab her purse and pull out a schedule listing your studio’s dance classes. I think a girl friend had given it to her. She laid it out on the table, pointed to it, and simply said, “Frank, I want you to take a dance class with me in January.” No anger. No pleading. No guilt trip or anything like that. This was just like my Jackie. I asked her a question and she answered me matter-of-fact. She wanted me to take a dance class with her.
 
For some reason, I was stunned. I had not expected this. Money I had to give. Going out and buying something was no big deal. Even building something like a porch would have been no problem. But committing some valuable free time to do something stupid like take dance lessons? You gotta be kidding!
 
But Jackie knew me too well. Deep down she knew I enjoy pleasing her. She held eye contact and said nothing. In fact she smiled the whole time. I think she knew exactly what was going through my mind. For a while I sort of felt set up, but eventually I realized it wasn’t the worst thing in the world that she had asked me to do. I can still remember while she just sat there at the kitchen table watching me make up my mind! I think she enjoyed watching me squirm, something she has never denied for a moment.
 
It took me a long time to answer. Finally I realized I wasn’t going to figure a way out of this. Despite my best efforts I could not come up with one good excuse so I gave up and said, “Okay. If that’s what you want, you got it!” I wrapped up a letter and put it in a box. When she opened it Christmas Day, it said, “I promise to take a dance class with you in January! Love, Frank” Jackie gave me a big hug and grinned as my kids teased me unmercifully. What had I gotten myself into?
 
Two weeks later we started taking a Twostep class at your studio. I think the teacher was a lady named Sharon. Fortunately the class was on a Wednesday which was practically the only day I didn’t play golf.
 
I was so nervous the first night. I did not know what to expect. At first I didn’t even know if your studio really existed. We couldn’t see anything from the street that looked like a dance studio. We had to walk down this long hallway till we found the place to register. Then we sat on some chairs in a big room with about 60 other people with a bunch of guys who looked just as worried as I was.
 
Once we got going, to my surprise the moves weren’t very difficult. Within fifteen minutes Jackie and I were already dancing to music. Then came a shock. Sharon asked us to switch partners. Jackie hadn’t told me about this! She grinned at me as suddenly I was expected to move to dance with a woman I had never seen before in my life. What had I gotten myself into? My heart sank with worry. Fortunately I soon discovered the moves worked with the other women in the class too. This was good!
 
In fact I began to enjoy dancing with everyone in class. Everyone was so nice! Once I got on the wrong foot and accidentally stepped on a lady’s foot. I didn’t put all my weight on her foot, thank goodness, but it still had to hurt. Her name was Carol. She laughed and said don’t worry about it. I just melted with gratitude at her forgiveness. From then on Carol and I became good friends. At each class she would point at her foot and say it had almost healed, but could I aim at the other one instead just in case? By an odd coincidence another time I ran Carol into the pole in the middle of the room. This time as I stared in shock at my stupidity, Carol almost died laughing. “What are you trying to do, Frank, kill me? Did someone pay you to do this?”
 
At the end of the evening, Sharon told us about Practice Night. Jackie asked if I would mind staying. I looked at my watch and thought about work the next day. I was tired and ready to go, but then I saw that look on her face. Sure, why not? I said we could stay for a little while and see what it was like.
 
It turned out to be more of a challenge than I had expected. Without the teacher calling out the timing, I had a hard time figuring out how the steps fit the beat. And I couldn’t tell a Polka from a Waltz from a Twostep to save my life if I had to. However Jackie came through like a charm. She told me to just dance and she would try to follow. Although I doubt I was anywhere near the beat, once this pressure was off, I started to enjoy plowing around the floor. I had an absolute ball! This was better than dodge ‘em cars! The highlight of the night came towards the end. I had been so absorbed in counting “slow slow quick quick” to myself I was oblivious to everything around me. But after a particularly good run around the floor, I realized I had danced an entire song without making a mistake. I looked at Jackie and saw her beaming with pride and happiness. She was so grateful to be here with me that her smile brought actual tears to my eyes. I had not seen her smile at me in this way in a long, long time. I will never forget that moment.
 
To make a long story short, dancing became a hobby I looked forward to just like I did with golf. On days I knew I was going to dance class, I would hitch a ride to work. Then later Jackie would pick me up at work and we would go somewhere for dinner before class. We began to chat again just like we did earlier in our marriage. Then we would go to class and have fun learning the Western Swing. We would visit with some of the people we had grown to like before class and during breaks. Practice Night became pretty much a ritual with us as well.
 
Then in March 1991 I got the news – my company wanted me to transfer to Denver. God, how I hated agreeing to do it! As I talked the move over with Jackie, I was surprised that golf never really entered my mind. However one thing that kept going through my mind was where was I going to dance in Denver? But the money was too good to resist plus with my daughter leaving soon for college, it was less of a problem for the two of us to relocate than the other families in the firm.
 
Up in Denver we found no studio like yours was in existence. And Western dancing like you have in Houston was practically non-existent. But dancing was in my system now, so we decided to try Ballroom Dancing. To my surprise, I liked it just as much as Western. I even discovered I was able to tell a Waltz from a Tango and be able to keep the beat as well!
 
We discovered a ‘dance underground’ in Denver. Practically every night of the week a different studio would offer social Ballroom dancing, and on the weekends there were special events sponsored through a dance organization I am sure you have heard of called USABDA. The big moment for me was when I realized I was looking forward to a Saturday evening dance with my lovely wife just as much as I was looking forward to playing golf that afternoon!
 
I still play a lot of golf, but have cut back a little to make more time for my dancing as well. Recently I even let myself get talked into dance competitions. Can you believe that? We haven’t won anything yet, but the point is I enjoy improving at dance just like I once obsessed over my putting. I realize my story borders on being sappy, but the truth is that dance has become the favorite activity for my wife and I to share.
 
Thanks again for helping us get started!
 
Regards, Frank Jefferson
 
(Editor’s Note: I would imagine stories like this one are more common than we might realize, but very few people take the time to write them down and send them to me. I am particularly grateful to Mr. Jefferson, whom I did indeed do not know, for sending me this timely and poignant letter.)
SF FOUR     RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE FOUR

 

HALL OF FAME JOKE: WINTER AT THE INDIAN RESERVATION
Contributed by Marlane Kayfes and Mike Guillory

(Editor’s Note: Reprinted from January 2002 Newsletter. I absolutely love this joke!)
 
The young Indian man had just finished his graduate school training. He had studied hard for six long years in preparation for his future role as ‘Tribal Leader’ for his Indian tribe.  Now it was autumn. Today he was conducting his very first tribal meeting on the remote reservation.

At the end of the meeting, one of the elders stood up and asked the new ‘Chief’ if the winter was going to be cold or mild. The young man was taken aback, but carefully hid his feelings as his leadership seminar had prepared him to do. Since he was an Indian Chief trained in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked
p at the sky, he didn’t have a clue what the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, he knew he had to respond quickly to give the appearance of competence. To be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold. Several of the Indians smiled and nodded in agreement at his confident show of wisdom. This prediction indicated that the members of the village should begin to collect wood for the coming winter.

As he watched how diligently the villagers brought in the wood, the new Chief worried about his prediction. Being a practical sort, after several days the young man got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the local office of the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”

“At first it appeared it would be a mild winter, but our latest indications say it looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

Reassured, the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. However a week later he noticed his latest order had prompted the tribe to gather what seemed to be a near mountain of wood.
 
Now he was sweating for two reasons: it wasn’t even remotely cold and his people had gone to a lot of work based on his prediction. He nervously called the National Weather Service again. “Is it going to be a very cold winter?”
 
“Why, yes it is,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “we now think it’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”
 
Flabbergasted, the young Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
 
Two weeks later the temperature had only dropped at most a degree or two, yet the stack of firewood was so tall it had become a local tourist attraction. The Chief frowned as he watched all the people dressed in shorts and Hawaiian shirts taking pictures of ‘Firewood Mountain’. But the moment he saw a TV station truck arrive to take footage of the event, he completely panicked. Pictures of this enormous wooden mountain surrounded by hundreds of sweating tourists in the dead of winter on Local TV was the last thing he wanted to see!  
 
Frantically he called the National Weather Service again. “Are you ABSOLUTELY sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”
 
“Absolutely,” the man replied. “The latest indications suggest that it’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”
 
“The word ‘Suggest’ isn’t good enough. How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked.
 
The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!!!”
SF FIVE RETURN TO HEADLINES   RETURN TO SPECIAL FEATURES
 

SPECIAL FEATURE FIVE

 

SSQQ PRICES GOING UP FOR SSQQ DANCE CLASSES IN JANUARY 2004

Effective in January 2004, our prices will increase 2 dollars from $44 men, $36 ladies to $46 men and $38 ladies. Our advanced classes will increase 1 dollar from $35 men, $25 ladies to $36 men and $26 ladies.

This is the first price increase in 3 years. It is meant to offset the skyrocketing prices of insurance and taxes. I imagine most of you who have experienced similar problems know exactly what I mean. 

Please forgive. Rick Archer.
………………….

a Special Note from Rick Archer about Email, the SSQQ Newsletter, and Spam.

I now receive an average of 150 spam emails a day. Because I run a business where people email me at random from all over the world on a variety of subjects, I am reluctant to install filters.

The problem with this kind of volume is the potential I can accidentally delete valuable emails from ssqq students, especially when I don’t recognize the name. To minimize this possibility, please be sure to put a title with some thought behind it in the “Subject” box when you are trying to contact us.

As for the SSQQ Email Newsletter, more and more people report that it is being blocked at their jobs as “Spam”. This leaves me no choice but to make the Email I send out as innocuous as possible.

For that matter you may stop receiving the SSQQ Email Newsletter at any time for reasons that are out of my hands. A month ago, I had over 600 Newsletter Emails sent to students with Yahoo accounts bounced back to me. I contacted Yahoo and was given no explanation why the emails bounced.  It is tough to correct a problem when you don’t even know what is causing it.

In the future, I suggest you automatically go to the Newsletter on the SSQQ Web Site a couple days before classes start and read the latest news whether you get an email reminder or not.

NO STANDING IN LINE – SIGN UP ON-LINE (SSQQ ONLINE REGISTRATION)
https://www153.ssldomain.com/ssqq/register/

  AND THAT’S A WRAP FOR THIS ISSUE (AND DON’T FORGET TO GO TO THE WEB SITE FOR THE COMPLETE NEWSLETTER!!)

As you can see, the SSQQ Newsletter is written to a large extent by its readers. Many people contribute jokes, pictures, and interesting items each month. Anyone is welcome to join the fun!

If you have any comments, suggestions, requests, complaints, jokes, pictures or poetry to share, please send it to me, Rick Archer, at dance@ssqq.com

And thanks for reading all the way to the bottom! …. I might add I do have reason to believe some of you simply scroll to the bottom to look for any little surprises I hide down here. ;-)   Anyhow, thanks to all for making it this far!

Rick Archer
SSQQ Dance Studio
4803 Bissonnet
Email:   dance@ssqq.com
Web:   
www.ssqq.com
Phone:  713-861-1906

 

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