WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN JUNE 2006
- JACK IS BACK!
Due
to a sudden whirlwind chain of events, Jack Benard,
one of the favorite teachers in SSQQ history, is now
back at the studio.
Jack Benard left the studio in April 2004 to move
back to his home state of California. His loss hurt
me more than any other single instructor in history.
I don't think
the studio has ever seen a guy with a bigger heart
than Jack. I have never quite figured out how he
does it, but Jack is the person who inspires me to
become a better teacher myself. Putting it another
way, I look up to Jack.
Actually, now that I think of it, EVERYONE looks up
to Jack. He is 6' 7".
Jack left the studio two years ago because he had
unfinished business in California. The truth of the
matter was that he wanted to study Scientology.
Although I personally know very little about
Scientology other than everyone is supposed to be
afraid of it but no one knows why, Jack tells me it
is a fascinating discipline. I will take his word
for it.
Jack has always impressed me as something of a
mystic. It probably has something to do with the
fact that his head is up in the clouds all the time.
I was sympathetic to his quest since I once did the
same thing. Back when I was an undergraduate in
college, I spent quite a bit of time researching
Eastern Religions. So when Jack looked me in the eye
back in 2004 and said he wanted to learn more about
the meaning of life, I told him to go for it with my
blessings.
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And that was the last I
heard of Jack. To deal with my feelings of loss, I wrote a
long story about Jack and put it on the SSQQ web site. Feel
free to read the story for yourself:
Jack
Benard
HOW JACK'S RETURN
HAPPENED
On Wednesday, May 3,
Jack's friend Maureen Huddleston came up to me after taking
Sharon Crawford Shaw's Western Waltz class that night. She
said she had gotten an email from Jack. It was the first
time she had heard from him in ages.
The week before, Maureen had sent out a "group email" to
everyone on her email list promoting Scott Ladell's upcoming
Monday night Hustle class. Hustle is a dance that has always
been Jack's first love. Maureen certainly did not expect a
man who is more mysterious than Bobby Fischer to reply to
her, but on Tuesday, May 2, she received an email from Jack.
Jack's email response was a doozy! He told Maureen he had
been getting her emails about the Hustle class for some time
and it was driving him crazy with envy. He said he wished he
was back at SSQQ so much when he read her emails.
Jack went on to explain that he had been training at an
Arthur Murray studio out in California for two months with
the goal of becoming a full-time dance instructor. He was
involved now in a year-long training contract. Jack added
one more tidbit: he had gotten this job due to the article I
had written about him on the SSQQ web site.
When Maureen told me this, I rolled my eyes. Why did Arthur
Murray get to have Jack when I found him first? How can that
be fair? Despite my grouchy mood, I still wanted to say hi
to Jack. After all, I consider him a friend and I missed
him.
So I asked Maureen to forward me the email, which she did.
So I sent Jack a 'hi, hello, how are you, come back and
teach some time' email the next day.
To my surprise, Jack responded immediately. He sent me one
of those "the door is slightly open" kind of replies. On the
one hand, he said he was locked into a contract with Arthur
Murray. Even more important, he had given them his word. On
the other hand, he asked me what did I have in mind.
I figured he wanted an offer, so I made him one! I told him
if he came back to Houston, I would hire him full-time to
become a dance instructor for me.
Jack's reply was precious: "Your offer is enticing. I will
get back to you soon."
This guy drives me crazy!!! I figured he wanted to
think about it for a while, so I didn't pressure him.
Two days later I got this note: "I need to handle something
on this end before I can confirm I am coming to Houston.
Should find out within 6 days."
Talk a weird note. Now I was even crazier.
I was way past being cool. So I asked him what the
story was. Jack replied that he intended to honor his
contract with Arthur Murray. They had given him a chance and
he respected their position. He would ask them if they
would set him free. If they said yes, he was coming to
Houston. If they said no, he was staying in California. His
word was his bond. That's all there was to it.
So I started to bite my fingernails. Plus that night I had a
dream about Jack. This time he was eight feet tall.
Just about the time I had started to eat my fingers too,
Jack wrote two days later to say he was on his way back to
Houston. I smiled, but only wanly. I would believe it when I
saw him. That's what happens when you deal with the wind.
Jack said he would be back in town on Tuesday, May 23. I did
not dare send out a Newsletter announcement till I saw him.
Tuesday passed and not a word. Wednesday passed and not a
word. Maureen told me Wednesday night that Gary Richardson
had seen Jack. So I called Gary and woke him up at 11 pm to
ask if he had really seen Jack. Gary said no, he had told
Maureen that I had told him that I had seen Jack. Good
grief. I felt like a dog chasing its tail.
Thursday. Still no word from Jack. This is ridiculous.
Just as I left the house to go to work at 6:30 pm, I got a
phone call. Jack had just made it to Houston. He had brake
problems and had to stop in Phoenix. He said he would see me
at the studio.
Half an hour later, sure enough, there he was in the flesh,
all eight feet of him.
Jack is back.
We owe Jack's friend Maureen Huddleston a big Huddle-Cuddle
for her key role in Jack's return. Without her taking the
time to mention Jack's email to me, I have no doubt his path
would have taken him somewhere else. Thank you, Maureen.
..
RHAPSODY RELOADED CRUISE UPDATE - Stands at 123!
August 23 - September 3 (Returns the day before Labor Day)
http://www.ssqq.com/travel/rhapsody2006.htm
Over the past month
since our last Newsletter, our total has risen from 110 to
123. This officially makes our 2006 Rhapsody Cruise our
second largest total in history. And if we keep adding 10 or
so people a month, we might challenge the all-time record of
144 set in 2003.
This is going to be the wildest trip of all time. I can just
sense some serious craziness dying to break loose. There are
clearly some very Desperate Dance Students out there.
This year's trip will feature the incredible Rita Rhapsody
Scavenger Hunt. It will pit two teams against each other in
a frantic race to victory on one of our days at sea.
The Captains of the Veteran Team will be Center of Attention
and Alpha Hussy against the Newcomers led by the Femme
Fatales. Ordinarily I would put my money on the Veterans who
know their way around the ship better, but the Newcomers
seem raring to go. The Vets might be too blasι to give the
Comers any serious challenge. I think I will ultimately pick
the team that seems the most sober at Game Time.
If you want to go on the trip, believe it or not there is
plenty of room left. There is space available in Oceanview
and Inside Cabins at the prevailing rate.
If you want to go, please call now. You do not need a
roommate. With this much time left we should not have any
trouble finding roommates.
Email marla@ssqq.com or phone Marla during the day at
713-862-4428.
.
THE SSQQ NEW ENGLAND CRUISE - Stands at 36.
September 23 - September 30
http://www.ssqq.com/travel/newengland2006.htm
Marla says there is
space available for our New England Trip. This "Autumn
Leaves are Falling" trip leaves out of Boston on September
23. This is your opportunity to take a marvelous trip with
the SSQQ Group to an area steeped in history and painted
with beauty.
The ship's route hugs the rugged New England coastline and
moves into Canada as well. This will give everyone a
spectacular daily look at some of the prettiest scenery in
America.
Obviously this trip is expensive, but it is well worth it
for you Texans who have never visited this beautiful part of
the country.
This is an especially active trip with six ports in six
days. According to Cher Longoria who has scouted the trip
extensively, there are many excursions to choose from,
plenty of places to visit and lots of things to see.
Kayaking, climbing, hiking, biking
you name it
this will
be an extraordinary trip.
Email marla@ssqq.com or phone Marla during the day at
713-862-4428.
..
THE UPCOMING JUNE DANCE SEMESTER - CLASSES BEGIN JUNE 4
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/schedule.htm
Special classes for
June include:
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/extra.htm
1. Competition Western
dancers Scott Ladell and Cher Longoria bring DEATH VALLEY to
our 4:30 Sunday Western program. Sunday afternoon Western
classes have become a big hit since everyone leaves the
studio right after class to hit Wild West for an evening of
great Western dancing. What better way to start the evening
than to learn the fanciest Western patterns of all time,
then take them to Center Stage over at Wild West?
2. Dakota teaches the first-ever INTERMEDIATE RUMBA class on
Ballroom Sunday Evening at 7 pm. Rumba is one of the great
undiscovered joys in the dance world. Rumba is an incredibly
sensual dance used to slow Latin and smooth Jazz rhythms.
Visualize Diana Krall singing "The Look of Love", then
consider how you would dance to such a song. Rumba is your
answer - slow, slinky, and provocative. Rumba is easy to
learn and terrific fun to dance. The Beginner class was
packed and so will Dakota's Intermediate class as well.
3. BEGINNING BALLROOM on Sundays at 7 will cover Cha Cha,
Tango, and Rumba this month. Jack Benard will be the
teacher.
4. Marla teaches her famous "Slow Dance and Romance" class
on Sundays at 7 pm. From Nat "King" and daughter Natalie
Cole's Slow Dance standard "Unforgettable" to Faith Hill's
modern classic "Breathe", there are significant moments in
everyone's life where the ability to dance gracefully to
slow music is, for an instant, the most important skill in
the world. This course is perfect to prepare for a wedding
dance, wedding receptions, slow music on a cruise Big Band
night, and definitely for a dinner date under the moonlight.
And don't forget to read the article in this month's
Newsletter on Marla's successful first year of teaching
Houston Wedding Dance Lessons!
5. Rick teaches INTERMEDIATE TANGO Sundays at 7 pm.
Featuring the Fallaway, the Boomerang, and Zig Zags, this
class will also bravely venture into Double Fans, Double
Cortez, and Double Circle Turns. Are you ready for a
challenge?
6. Jill Banta will teach INTERMEDIATE FOXTROT. Foxtrot is
dance of Inaugural Balls, Wedding Receptions, and Formal
Dinners. It is also the dance to use to all Sinatra lounge
music. The Up-Town cousin of the Texas Twostep, the Foxtrot
can be used to a wide variety of music ranging from Van
Morrison's "Marvelous Night for a Moondance" to Sinatra's
"New York, New York" to "Mack the Knife" by Bobby Darin.
7. Scott Ladell started off his four-month Hustle cycle with
Beginning Hustle in May. This class was very well attended.
Now in June, Scott will follow up with INTERMEDIATE HUSTLE.
Hustle, also known as the Latin Hustle, is the famous Disco
Dance from the Saturday Night Fever Era. This flashy partner
dance is a clever combination of Swing footwork and Latin
hip motion. The patterns and footwork are actually taken
from Swing while hip motion and feel of the dance is more
similar to Salsa. Hustle is a unique blend of both dance
styles. Hustle is used to Disco music and soft R&B hits. A
very smooth, flowing dance, Hustle has a huge following at
SSQQ. Come join the fun!
8. Bryan and Lisa teach a special Monday West Coast Swing
class known as "WCS TECHNIQUE II."
Taught by two-time Texas State Whip Champions Bryan Spivey
and Lisa Palmer, as the title suggests, this is a "Finishing
Class" that reviews everything you learned in the first four
months of SSQQ West Coast Swing with an eye on Polish,
Style, and Technique.
9. Tuesday Salsa is phenomenal. Each Tuesday, there is a
Beginning, Intermediate, and Advanced Salsa class that
average 80 to 100 people in each class. In particular, Steve
& Danielle conduct their elite Advanced Salsa class each
Tuesday. The Tuesday Salsa Practice Night hosted by Linda
Cook is smokin'.
10. Sharon Crawford-Shaw begins her final series of Western
Waltz with ADVANCED WESTERN WALTZ on Wednesdays at 7 pm.
11. Texas State Whip Champions Bryan Spivey and Lisa Palmer
bring you MARTIAN WHIP on Thursdays.
Martian Whip is dedicated to teaching the most Advanced West
Coast Swing patterns. This class is especially useful for
students considering competing or performing at some point.
12. Scott Ladell teaches ADVANCED NIGHT CLUB on Friday.
Danced to slow, romantic songs, Night Club is an unusual
dance perhaps best described as an "active" form of Slow
Dancing. Combining a special blend of Latin footwork plus
Ballroom patterns from Rumba, Foxtrot, and Waltz, Night club
is a pretty dance to watch and fun to use. Nor is it
difficult to learn.
13. Willie Bushnell has Rhythm and Blues Twostep, also known
as Swing Out, starting on Saturday at 430. A partner dance
that is popular in African-American nightclubs, R&B
Twosteppin' is a partner dance similar to Zydeco. The man
and woman first dance in closed position, then the man
"swings her out".
FEATURED DANCE CLASS IN JUNE: SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE ON
SUNDAYS AT 7 PM
Marla Archer teaches on average 15 private Wedding Dance
lessons a month. At this point Marla is very experienced at
preparing couples for their first dance at Weddings.
On Sundays in June at 7 pm, Marla will teach a special Group
Class on Slow Dancing.
Quite frankly, this is a far more thorough way to prepare
for a First Dance at a Wedding. Not only do you get Eight
Hours of Lessons for roughly the price of one private
lesson, you also have a room all to yourself to Practice in
after class each Sunday night at 9 pm.
By coincidence, Marla also wrote an article on her Wedding
Dance Lessons for the June issue of our Newsletter. It is a
cute story and we hope you like it.
Marla's Wedding Story: Houston Wedding
Dance Lessons!
Written by Marla Archer, May 2006
A little over a year ago, Rick told me there was one area at
the studio where I could make a huge contribution - that
would be teaching Wedding Dance Lessons.
I was skeptical at first.
For one thing, why couldn't Rick teach the lessons? After
all, Rick had 30 years of experience on me. Rick replied
that in his opinion a woman was far more effective at
teaching these lessons than a male instructor.
Since men are largely responsible for the success of the
Wedding Dance, the majority of the training revolves around
them. Rick said the easiest way to teach rhythm and leads is
to physically dance with the Groom. Progress is far quicker
this way because the instructor can "feel" the mistakes and
make corrections right on the spot. Rick added that the men
were usually very nervous to begin with. He pointed out that
the few times he had attempted to dance the "follow" part in
a wedding lesson, the men had given him looks that indicated
they were deeply unhappy about this development. The thought
of dancing with him was about as pleasant as submitting to a
root canal. Rick was more than slightly certain the men
would be far more cooperative if I was the instructor than
him.
My second reservation was the time involved. Why spend all
that time learning to teach Waltz, Foxtrot and Slow Dancing
for an occasional private lesson? Rick assured me that I
would be busier than I ever imagined.
I took Rick's word for it and said I would do my best. Let
me add that I was more than slightly surprised when it
turned out he was right about everything he had told me!
Over the past year I have taught Wedding Dance Lessons to
120 couples. I never dreamed so many people needed help
learning to Waltz, Foxtrot and Slow Dance!
What I discovered is that the majority of couples who are
getting married don't have a clue when it comes to the "Lost
Art" of Formal Dance. It turns out there are certain
practical skills in life like the ability to change a tire,
do CPR, or treat a snake bite that some people take the time
to learn, but most people don't. The ability to Formal Dance
is a skill most Americans can avoid if they try hard enough,
but there is ONE certain time in most people's lives where
this skill becomes very important.
That's where I come in. It helps that it wasn't so long ago
that I was the bride myself. Rick and I got married in
September 2004.
With that experience fresh in my memory, I can still relate
to the desire to be Cinderella for my Prince Charming. Isn't
that every girl's fantasy?
Ladies, admit it . . .You have fantasized about your Wedding
Day since you were a small child. One of the important parts
of that "dream" is your First Dance. You want to glide
across the dance floor with your handsome husband holding
you in his arms while all your friends and family smile with
pride and happiness. This is YOUR DAY!!!! I simply can't
think of any more important day other than maybe the birth
of your children. The First Dance is where it all gets
started.
I wanted to be graceful when I danced my Wedding Dance. As a
result, Rick and I practiced several times a week for almost
a year preparing for the First Dance. I intended to be
ready! As a result, I wasn't even remotely scared when it
came time to dance in front of my family and friends.
Now in my capacity as a Wedding Dance teacher, I work with
Wedding couples and frequently I have the pleasure to work
with parents, siblings, and friends as well. Working with
the Wedding "Families" has been a source of great reward to
me. It is fun to bask in the powerful positive energy that
surrounds this happy event. I really enjoy this unusual yet
very special teaching responsibility. It is a privilege to
be able to contribute to the success of such an important
event.
I think my students realize that I really care that they do
well. It seems as I get more teaching experience, they turn
around and send their friends to me as well for their
Wedding Dance. As a result, I have been getting busier and
busier.
Not long ago, my increased schedule resulted in a very odd
coincidence. On Saturday, April 22nd, I had the unusual
experience of having 5 wedding couples get married on the
same day! In fact, I was so amazed that I decided to write
this story. On Sunday, May 22nd, I was drinking coffee and
reading the Chronicle when my eyes focused on the picture of
someone who seemed familiar. Sure enough, one of my brides,
Heidi Matthews, was featured in the Houston Chronicle. Isn't
Heidi beautiful!
I let out a shriek which led Rick to look up and ask what
all the fuss was about. I pointed to Heidi's picture and
told him I had helped prepare Heidi and her husband Kenny
Ewing for their First Dance. He smiled and said he was proud
of me.
I carefully read the story below Heidi's picture, which is
how I noticed the April 22nd date. That date sure seemed
familiar for some reason. So I went in my office and picked
up my day planner. I scanned the information I keep about
each couple and noticed the date "April 22" kept appearing.
After I finished counting, I realized I had the names of
FIVE couples who all got married on the same day! I could
not have been more proud!
It is fun to know that I made a significant contribution to
each couple on one of the most important days of their
lives.
I went and told Rick that five different couples of mine had
gotten married on the same day. He said he was impressed.
Then he suggested I write a story about it. I thought about
it for a minute and decided to do just that!
THE STORY OF MY FIVE APRIL 22ND WEDDING COUPLES
Heidi and her husband Kenny danced a Slow Dance to "At Last"
by Etta James. No surprise there - "At Last" is a song
regularly selected by many couples. It is a definite
favorite "First Song" to be sure.
Heidi was originally referred to me by Jeff Gray. Jeff had
taken the SSQQ Alaska Cruise with his girlfriend Sally in
July 2005. Jeff and Sally grew so close on that trip they
got married just four months later! That cruise definitely
sped up their time table... but that's another story. After
Jeff returned from the cruise and found out that his
co-worker Heidi was looking for a dance instructor, Jeff was
kind enough to refer Heidi and Kenny to me.
When Kenny and Heidi first contacted me on January 24, they
told me they were interested in learning how to Waltz.
However when I met with them for the first time on February
17, after a brief discussion and demonstration, they found
Waltz a bit too intimidating. That is when they decided to
switch to a Slow Dance. This wasn't the first time I have
seen this happen. Many couples expect to Waltz at their
Wedding only to find out how much time and preparation is
involved in learning this beautiful, but difficult dance.
Invariably they realize that at this late date they have no
choice but to check off from their original plans and switch
to an easier dance like Slow Dance or Foxtrot.
Kenny picked up the Slow Dance steps very well. I suspected
he either had some natural ability or had taken lessons
before. Maybe even both! Kenny definitely looked like he
would do just fine.
Most couples wait till the last minute to contact me. Kenny
and Heidi were the exception - they actually contacted me
three months ahead of time. However since Kenny was so
comfortable with the material, they didn't need any
follow-up lessons. Three months later I was definitely
shocked when I saw Heidi's lovely picture in the Chronicle.
I was so happy for her!
My other four couples that married on April 22nd were more
representative of my usual experience because they waited
until just two weeks ahead of time to get in touch. Sure
enough, each couple waited until the week of April 10th to
schedule a lesson.
My second couple was very talented. Pooja and Steve had
danced previously. All they really needed was some refresher
information. As a result, I gave them an hour of review on
the basic steps to both Foxtrot and Waltz moves and then
they were on their way. They had not picked a song yet, so I
am unsure what dance or song they eventually decided on.
My third couple, John and his fiancιe Jai, Slow Danced to
Dido's beautiful song "Thank You". This couple had no
previous dance experience when they arrived. Fortunately
they had a natural aptitude for dance. They were able to
learn a memorized pattern and move gracefully about the
dance floor after only an hour lesson.
My fourth couple was desperate! Neelesh and Shalini waited
till the very last minute. They were going to dance a
fast-tempo Slow Dance to "How Sweet It Is" by James Taylor.
They did surprisingly well. It's a good thing too, because
there was no time for any follow-up lessons. Neelesh flew
out of town the same evening on a business trip and was not
scheduled to return until a couple days before the wedding.
The fifth April 22nd couple, Stephanie and Greg, booked a
Slow Dance lesson for themselves on Tuesday. The next
evening Stephanie came back and learned how to Foxtrot to
"Brown Eyed Girl" with her Dad.
One thing that was a bit unusual about my five April 22
couples is that each couple came alone with the exception of
Greg and Stephanie. I would say about a third of the time I
work with "Families". Usually one or more members of the
family tag along for the lesson or they come separately like
Stephanie's father for a lesson of their own.
Over the course of my first year of teaching Wedding Dance
lessons, I have had several marvelous experiences working
with Fathers of the Bride. I have taught quite a few "Dads"
who came in to learn how to dance because they discovered
they were in the same boat as their future son-in-laws when
it came to the "Lost Art of Formal Dance".
Here is a typical email
from one of my students who is writing not only to schedule
her own lesson, but her father's lesson too:
Marla,
Thank you so much for our lesson last night. We are
going to practice! I promise! Luckily we have a very
large and open kitchen. :)
With that said, we still need more practice with a
"professional". Plus, I need to schedule sessions for me
and my Dad. Here are the dates that I have free. Would
it be possible to schedule 6-7pm sessions for the
following:
02/21 (w/Dad)
02/28 (w/Eric)
03/02 (w/Dad)
03/14 (w/Eric)
Let me know if these work for you. You have a great
teaching style and were so patient with us! Thanks
again. Amy
Sometimes I cry too. I
had one Father of the Bride, Henry, who came in to learn
Slow Dance. He was an incredibly gracious man. He had a very
sad story. His wife was ill with cancer and was too sick to
accompany him. This meant he needed a dance partner to
practice with. That would be me.
Here is part of a brief email he sent following the wedding:
Sent: Monday, January 09, 2006 10:24 AM
To: Marla
Subject: THANKS
I would like to thank you so much for the private
lessons. The step-by-step instruction and extreme
patience was wonderful. The father/daughter dance was
very special and made even more special by your kindness
and care in instruction. My daughter made the comment "I
wish she was here to see us" - your studio and
flexibility is just great.
Thanks again - Henry
Not only did four of my five April 22nd couples wait till
the last minute, they had something else in common as well-
not one couple came back for a second lesson. I estimate
that half my couples take at least two private lessons. One
couple even came five times!
However since my April 22nd couples all waited till the last
minute, time-wise a follow-up lesson was impractical. I work
pretty fast, but I can't work miracles. It would be
indelicate to name names, but I was pretty worried about one
of my five couples. The Fiancι was just barely getting the
hang of it by the end of the lesson. I can only hope he
practiced and practiced and practiced in the few days left
leading up to their Wedding or they would be in big trouble
out on the floor.
If you wait till the last minute and you have no previous
experience, your options are pretty limited. Most couples
prefer to avoid "The Clutch and Sway". The Clutch and Sway
may be the dance of choice wearing togas at a Frat Party,
but those will be the longest three minutes of your Life if
all you do is stand there and rock back and forth at your
Wedding Dance with every important person in the world
watching on.
Fortunately the footwork to Slow Dancing is simple enough to
learn in one hour and it turns out to be a vast improvement
over the Clutch and Sway. Most people can pick up "Side
Touch Side Touch Walk Walk, Side Touch Side Touch Turn Turn"
with a modicum of ease. Not everyone, mind you, but most of
my students do okay. Occasionally I am tempted to suggest we
let the Bride lead, but to date I have been able to hold my
tongue.
Foxtrot is a little trickier. If a Sinatra Foxtrot like "The
Way You Look Tonight" is the dance of choice, then two
lessons are recommended (or even three lessons). Foxtrot
takes longer to learn than Slow Dancing because I have to
spend quite a bit of time teaching "Frame" where the man and
woman use their parallel shoulders to create matching
footwork. Lead/Follow in Slow Dancing is much easier to
learn. Once they understand the concept of Frame I move on
to footwork. I teach a simple amalgamation of basic Foxtrot
moves which includes several options off the Box Step. I
tell the couples to repeat the pattern a couple times to
fill out the time in their song, then conclude with a side
lunge and dip. I make sure the groom kisses his bride as
their Grand Finale. The guys seem to enjoy practicing that
part and the ladies don't seem to mind either.
Wedding Lessons are not always a picnic in the park. Because
so many people wait to the last minute, there is a definite
air of tension at the start of many lessons.
The number of lessons needed to learn Foxtrot varies by
experience. Pooja and Steve (one of my April 22 couples) had
taken lessons before. They only needed one lesson. But they
were the exception, not the norm. Most couples with no
previous dance experience require at least two lessons. In
my experience, if time permits, 3 lessons guarantees the
couple will feel comfortable on the dance floor.
One problem I have no control over is the amount of practice
the couple is willing to put in after the lesson. Practice
can make a world of difference, but from what I have
observed only about half my couples actually take the time
to really at it.
Frequently the groom is more than a little hesitant about
coming in for the lesson. I am not sure exactly what they
are afraid of, but they seem relieved to discover I am not
the Wicked Witch of the West. Judging by how worried they
are, I see what Rick meant when he told me a lady instructor
was far more effective at this particular assignment than a
male instructor. Sometimes they can barely work up the
courage to dance with me! I grin to myself as I imagine the
panic they would experience if it was my husband who was
suggesting they dance with him!
Matias was an example of one young man (late 20s) who came
in with a deeply worried look on his face. He was very
reluctant. The first lesson went slowly. I pulled his
fiancιe aside and suggested to Alma that she encourage him
to practice. Fortunately she took me seriously and made
Matias practice.
Here is an email from Alma from Friday, March 17th:
Hi
Marla: I had a lot of fun yesterday! Matias was a little
embarrassed I guess. We've danced only ONCE together and
he's never danced before. But we want to practice,
practice, practice what we learned and I will get back
with you next month so we can do another private lesson.
The practice worked
magic. A month and a half later Alma and Matias returned on
April 29th for their second Slow Dance lesson. I was
impressed by how much Matias had improved.
The second lesson went much better. This time Matias was
much more confident. He was eager to get better. This was a
180 degree turnaround from their first visit. I was
impressed by how much Matias had improved and told him so.
Both people left the lesson with big smiles on their faces.
As a side note, Alma and Matias danced to as their first
dance at their wedding on May 13th. I rarely comment on a
couple's choice of music, but I will say I suppressed a
couple giggles over that song! Try listening to "A Groovy
Kind of Love" ten times in an hour and see if you can keep a
straight face!
Teaching Wedding Lessons requires more than just a knowledge
of footwork and frame - sometimes I have to be a serious
politician and therapist too.
Most of my early focus is developing a rapport with the
gentlemen. We know that all eyes will be on the Bride during
the First Dance, but the skill level of the groom ultimately
determines how graceful she will actually look.
The vast majority of the men are just as cooperative as they
possibly can be. However once in a while, I will get a man
who comes in sullen because he feels he has been forced to
take this lesson. Here is the time when the gentle approach
is the only possible way to go. I move slowly at his pace
and compliment him whenever I can. In these situations, I
have found I have the best luck if I dance with the man
myself until he gets it right. Once his confidence appears,
his bad attitude often seems to magically melt away. Believe
it or not, some of my favorite lessons started off very
awkwardly like this. The man came in frowning, but after he
found out it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be, he
left beaming and talking about coming back for another
lesson!
I try to be as gentle and patient as possible with my men.
They always respond better to a lighter touch as opposed to
a drill sergeant approach. However there are some guys I
simply cannot reach. Occasionally I run across a man who
simply will not listen. Sad to say, in these situations I
find my hands are tied. I do my best to gain their trust,
but I won't lie and say I am always successful.
You might be surprised that my toughest situations are more
often in dealing with the ladies. For some reason, some
women do not realize how difficult it is for non-dancers to
suddenly learn to dance. Since dancing seems to come so
naturally to most women, they can't seem to understand that
"leading" is very tricky to learn.
Let's face it. Some guys don't get it right off the bat. At
this point, some women lose patience and decide to start
telling them how to do it themselves. In other words, they
turn into the instructor. This is a very dark development,
believe me. The moment Bridezilla appears, I know we are in
serious trouble. I see the men cringe with frustration!
Heck, I cringe too!
The most important thing for the couple to do is to keep
smiling. The moment the lady begins to tell the guy how to
dance, that smile sinks down to Davy Jones locker. Pressure
is no way to get results. Usually the guy forgets everything
he has learned to this point. He is so worried about making
a mistake now that he can barely think straight.
One time I had a guy get so intimidated by his fiancιe's
constant criticism, I threw my hands up and said "It's time
for a Break!". I went to the drink room to get a coke for
myself. I intended to bring my couple soft drinks as well,
but for some reason I decided to bring the man a beer
instead. Amazingly, the beer made them both laugh. The
tension was broken.
Fortunately this problem doesn't happen very often any more.
When I first started, I had many a lesson with a demanding
bride pushing her future husband to do better. Once I
figured out how destructive that behavior was, I learned to
intercede instantly and diffuse the tension.
Since then I have actually stopped more than one bride in
her tracks because she was being overly critical of her
fiancι. I tell both of them you simply cannot "pressure"
someone to learn to dance faster. I point out that if the
man freezes up, the whole thing will take longer. Most
ladies respect my advice and back off immediately. Again,
sad to say, a few brides don't listen to me. Those are very
long hours.
Fortunately very few women brush me off. Most ladies realize
I have her best interests at heart and respect my
intervention. Once I get the bride to ease up, from then on
the majority of the time the couples have a good time.
That's when we see real progress begin. I have noticed that
many times lessons that started awkwardly turn out very
well.
Occasionally I get invited to the Weddings, but so far I
have declined. For one thing, I have yet to train a couple I
knew on a social basis before the Wedding, so I have always
felt it would be inappropriate to attend. Besides, I work
practically every Saturday afternoon. Once my lessons and
registration duties are over, my mind turns to dinner and
movie night with Rick.
That said, I will admit I have been sorely tempted to accept
several times. I grew very close to one of my first wedding
couples Katharine and Justin. We met on four different
occasions. They were a marvelous couple. They were so eager
to learn and so appreciative. I got such a kick out of their
excitement. We even had stupid jokes. They were getting
married in Justin's hometown in Australia. Our favorite joke
was they might have to dance counter-clockwise to keep their
balance on the flip side of the Earth. I guess you would
have to be there for that one to be funny.
At their last lesson, all three of us were beaming because
Justin had just passed a crucial test. I had just finished
watching them handle a little obstacle course of chairs I
had built for them. Since it was our fourth lesson, I had
time to create a replica of their dance floor using the
chairs to serve as a perimeter. This way the man finds out
if he has the skill to ad lib a pattern if he gets stuck
near the edge of the imaginary dance floor.
Justin had just passed his test with flying colors! In the
middle of the song, Justin beautifully negotiated a tight
corner with a surprise "unchoreographed move". Katharine was
so impressed she gave him such a big hug!
We all started to laugh at Katharine's excitement. On the
spur of the moment Justin invited me to come to their
wedding. I don't know what came over me, but for an
irrational moment I was sorely tempted to accept.
That's when we all remembered the wedding was Down Under!
Coming to my senses, I quipped that if Justin bought me a
ticket, I would start looking for a new dress!
I have had other interesting experiences- one of my
favorites was the time Rick's daughter Samantha referred one
of her teachers to me! Well, actually, Samantha
referred Lisa to her father, but Rick persuaded Lisa to
accept me instead. I am sure that Ryan, her fiancι, had no
idea what he was missing.
I had to smile at their first lesson. It turns out Lisa is
an athletic coach. In order to make our early evening
lesson, she had no time to change after practice. So there
she was in gym clothes, hair pulled up, with dirty,
grass-stained field hockey shoes and all. Fortunately Lisa
is a very beautiful woman and would look good wearing
anything!
Lisa and Ryan learned to Foxtrot to Sinatra's "Just in
Time". They were moving deftly across the dance floor after
only three lessons.
One day soon after the wedding, Lisa pulled Samantha aside
at school to tell her how proud I would have been to see
them as they danced their first dance. Always the
perfectionist, Lisa told Sam they only made one mistake, but
recovered quickly. After Sam reported the story back to me,
I smiled at the compliment. And I laughed at the mention of
the mistake. After all, even my own husband with 30 years of
dance experience flubbed a move at our Wedding Dance, a fact
I love to needle him about.
The important thing is that you laugh about it together.
My thanks go to my five April 22nd couples for inspiring me
to write this story and to all of my 120 couples who made my
first year of teaching Wedding Dance lessons a memorable
one. It is a blessing to be permitted the chance to
contribute to the most important day of many people's lives.
(Editor's Note: read more about Marla Archer's Houston
Wedding Dance Lessons at
http://ssqq.com/information/weddings.htm)
..
PARTIES IN JUNE - ME DAS FIEBRE SALSA PARTY
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party11.htm
Saturday, June 10th
9:15 pm - Midnight
Cover charge $7
Crash Courses 7-9 pm
BEG SALSA - Martin
INT SALSA - Andrew
BACHATA - Linda
INT SALSA MERENGUE PTNS - Jill
LATIN CHA CHA - Dakota
ADVANCED FEVER SALSA PATTERNS - Jim
PARTIES IN JUNE - THE SSQQ SOCK HOP
http://www.ssqq.com/ssqq/party12.htm
Saturday, June 24th
9:15 pm - Midnight
Cover charge $7
CRASH COURSES 7-9 pm
SOCK HOP PARTY LINE DANCES - Rick
BEGINNING SWING - Steve Gabino
DIFFICULT SWING ACROBATICS - Paul (Couples Only)
PATTY OH'S FAV SWING PTNS - Patty Oh
BEG WEST COAST SWING - Patty/Joe
BRYAN'S WCS STUNTS AND ACROBATICS CLASS - Bryan Spivey
(couples only!)
If you have never taken Rick's Sock Hop Line Dance class
before, this is your chance to learn 9 classic "Blast from
the Past" Line Dances including the Stroll, Hully-Gully,
Cold Sweat, Hand Jive, Harlem Shuffle, See You in September
Cha Cha, Twisting the Night Away, Land of 1000 Dances, and
best of all the legendary Grapevine Dance. A big part of the
Sock Hop is getting a crowd of 75 people out on the floor to
perform these line dances during the evening.
PS- For more fun, wear a 50s/60s outfit to the Line Dance
Crash Course with an eye towards staying for the annual SSQQ
Sock Hop afterwards!
Room 1 for this party is reserved for Swing and Jitterbug
Dancing plus all the crazy 50s Line Dances we perform at
this party. Room 4 is reserved Whip/WCS dancing to the great
Whip music of the 60s and 70s.
..
SSQQ SLOW DANCE AND ROMANCE
http://www.ssqq.com/romance/romance2006.htm
We had two weddings in
May and one engagement announced.
Sorrell Warren and Penney Godwin were married on May 21,
2006.
Gonzalo Manuel and Claudia Ochoa were married on May 20,
2006.
Larry and Pam are engaged, but I can't say anything more
until Larry tells the kids. So we can check back on them
next month!
..
 |
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION
WINS A DANCE CONTEST!
-----Original Message-----
From: bryan spivey
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 5:35 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: the big dance contest
"Hey Rick,
This past weekend The Texas Classic was in town. It
is a country western event that belongs to the UCWDC
circuit. Texas Classic also has a West Coast/Whip
competition held on Fridays.
During the competition I was able to dance with my
of my students in the PRO-AM division and all of
them did very well. Phyllis Porter was one of the
ladies that danced and it was her FIRST time out
there. Phyllis looked poised and she came out on
top! That's right!
Phyllis won first place in the newcomer division.
My Mom competed with me also. She got 2nd place in
the Novice division.
Mom won the Newcomer division last year at the same
event, and now that first place trophy belongs to
Phyllis. Maybe they will give the trophy to SSQQ
permanently.
Cher Longoria and Krista Johnson also did very well
in their divisions placing 5th.
Heather Blue and Dennis Taupo, former SSQQ students,
won their routine division and Heather also danced
with me and got 3rd place in the PRO-AM.
It was a great weekend and all of the ladies looked
great out there. Valerie Menard (my partner from
Louisiana) performed our routine Friday night as
well.
Many thanks. Also, wish Lisa and I luck...we are
traveling to Atlanta to do a WCS competition over
Memorial Day weekend. Valerie and I will be
competing for the first time. It is going to be a
lot of fun."
|
(Editor's
Note: Phyllis Porter already had the strongest
sense of self-esteem I have ever seen and now
she goes out and wins a dance contest!! The
Center of Attention already had a bad attitude
around the studio, but this will surely put her
over the edge.
About two weeks before the competition, Phyllis
actually permitted me to dance with her for the
first time in ages. I was surprised to note how
much she had improved and against my better
judgment I even told her so.
I am really proud of Phyllis even though I know
I will NEVER hear the end of this.
I am sure this was just another Paris Hilton
stepping stone moment. I believe Phyllis has
embarked on a career of being famous simply
because she is famous.)
.
|
RICK'S NEW HERO - LANCE
ARMSTRONG
(Rick's Note: This is a reprint of an article about
Lance Armstrong I read in a recent issue of Sports
Illustrated.
Although I doubt there are very many people who are
not familiar with Lance Armstrong, he is one of the
most famous athletes in the world as the 7-time
champion of the illustrious Tour De France bicycle
race. Last year Mr. Armstrong retired from cycling
after winning his seventh title. He is the first
racer to ever hold seven titles. It was an amazing
sports achievement.
Most people also know that before he began his
amazing string of victories, he was diagnosed with a
case of testicular cancer. This cancer not only
threatened to end his cycling career, it also
threatened to end his life.
Lance Armstrong fought the cancer and beat it. No
athlete in memory has ever overcome longer odds to
become a world champion, much less a seven-time
champion. It was an incredible feat.
|
 |
Now people are
saying that Mr. Armstrong has a chance in his Second
Career as a fund raiser for Cancer Research to
totally transcend all his previous remarkable
accomplishments. Mr. Armstrong has committed the
rest of his life to fighting cancer.
Lance Armstrong could care less about politics. His
friends include both President Bush and former
President Clinton. Another close friend is Hamilton
Jordon from the Carter Administration. In addition,
Mr. Armstrong is on a first-name basis with the
leaders of major corporations, medical leaders, and
world leaders. He is uniquely positioned to speak
with anyone in the world who is willing to listen.
I am amazed that a man with his accomplishments
would continue to fight like he does. Most people
assume that Mr. Armstrong would kick up his feet,
open a beer, and watch the clouds roll by. Not this
guy. Instead he is working just as hard now as he
did before against one of the most dangerous
diseases in human history.
Nor is he alone. Mr. Armstrong has a foundation that
is run by several men and women who have lost
children and other loved ones to cancer. They are
just as eager to fight back against this dread
disease as Lance Armstrong is.
Lance Armstrong could care less about money. He
could care less about power. He doesn't need to
prove anything to anyone. All he wants to do is
conquer cancer. I will follow a man like this
without any questions asked. I am deeply moved by
his commitment.
I was so moved by the Sports Illustrated article by
Austin Murphy that I immediately went to the
Internet and signed up with the Lance Armstrong
Foundation. I encourage others to do the same.
http://www.livestrong.org/
|
REPRINTED FROM
SPORTS ILLUSTRATED
LANCE ARMSTRONG: THE NEXT STAGE OF HIS LIFE
By Austin Murphy
Lance Armstrong will drive the pace car, a 505-hp
Corvette Z06, at the Indianapolis 500 on May 28. Tip
for Indy officials: Feed him before he gets behind
the wheel.
Earlier this year Armstrong was piloting his black
BMW M5 at roughly twice the speed limit down a rural
highway while devouring a teriyaki beef wrap from
the takeout window at Roscoe's, the culinary acme of
Dripping Springs, Texas. The business of eating the
wrap while dipping chips into a small container of
salsa forced him to take both hands off the wheel
periodically and steer with his left knee. When his
passenger offered to take the wheel, the Texan fixed
him with the Look.
You do the interview," he directed. "I'll drive the
car and eat my lunch."
You remember the Look: the glare that bored holes in
the psyches of Armstrong's opponents while he won
seven straight Tours de France, beginning in 1999.
The Look made seasoned professionals quail, robbed
them of hope, bade them ask themselves, Why do I
even bother?
Armstrong may have walked away from competitive
cycling last July, but the power of his glower is
undiminished. Ten months after his final descent
from the top step of the podium on the
Champs-Elysιes, he is focusing his gaze, his
attention, his displeasure -- the Look -- on an old
foe, the one that came close to killing him a decade
ago.
Having finished his wrap and arrived at his
destination, Armstrong sat at the dining-room table
at his home outside Austin, sifting through a pile
of correspondence. He stopped at a card that said,
From Our House to Yours: the Kunz family. It
included a snapshot of a good-looking couple and
their two young children. The woman had been dead
for six months. She succumbed to cervical chordoma,
a rare form of cancer that, Armstrong believes, has
a 100% mortality rate. "I mean, what kind of odds
are those?" There is the Look again as he answers
his own question: "Unacceptable."
Spencer Sartin was diagnosed with acute
lymphoblastic leukemia in October 2004. Suddenly,
everyone he met wanted to stick a needle in him.
There were needles to take his blood, a needle to
knock him out so he wouldn't feel the even bigger
needle that doctors would use to draw bone marrow
from his hip. Spencer is now six years old, in
remission and on the cover of this magazine. (He's
the one in the yellow jersey.) But he will remain in
treatment for another 20 months, and he needs so
many shots -- for chemo, for spinal taps, for the
flu -- that he has forbidden his parents to use the
word around the house. When Spencer needs an
injection, his father, Rob, lets him know by using
American Sign Language. "You point your right index
finger at your left biceps," says Rob, "and push
down."
Before his son fell ill, Rob had raised more than
$5,000 for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. In fact,
Spencer first exhibited the symptoms of his illness
-- the stubborn fever that finally persuaded his
pediatrician to order blood work -- while his
parents were at a dinner for Ride for the Roses, a
cycling event that raises funds for the LAF. Little
wonder, then, that the boy has gone on the offensive
against his affliction. It's as if, in addition to
the chemo, he has Armstrong's attitude pumped into
his veins. Spencer signed up for martial arts
despite being, on some days, too weak to walk from
his bedroom to the kitchen. And last October he and
his father completed the 40-miler at the Ride for
the Roses. Spencer pedaled a Trail-a-Bike attached
to Rob's hybrid. "He worked his butt off," his
father says. He also raised $32,500 for the LAF.
Spencer is a foot soldier in what could be called
Armstrong's Army, a generation of cancer patients
who are the opposite of passive victims. They are,
like him, warrior-survivors. If he walked away from
the fight today, that would be his legacy. But he
isn't walking away. He's just getting warmed up.
|
 |
These are the
best of times and the worst of times in the fight
against cancer. In 2003, a year after becoming
director of the National Cancer Institute, Dr.
Andrew von Eschenbach stunned the medical community
by setting the goal of "eliminating cancer as a
cause of suffering and death by the year 2015."
Praised by some for his bold optimism, the director
was attacked by others who found his objective
unrealistic and -- in the likely event that the goal
is not met -- certain to undermine the credibility
of the NCI, the government's main spigot for the
approximately $5 billion a year that flows into
cancer research and training.
Without the spur of a deadline, Von Eschenbach
argued during an interview last February -- a month
before President Bush nominated him to head the Food
and Drug Administration -- big goals are
"meaningless." He then held forth for half an hour
on why his target is within reach. He spoke
excitedly about the "molecular metamorphosis" that
has taken place over the last decade and about
recently developed "proteomic and genomic tools that
can detect the presence of cancer long before
somebody's got a big lump."
He waxed optimistic about "advances in information
technologies, opportunities to be able to use those
tools, including the Internet, in a way that makes
patients participants, rather than passive
recipients, in their treatment." He asserted, "We've
got the ball across midfield. If we just applied
what we have in hand" -- for example, persuading
Americans to undergo preventive procedures such as
colonoscopies -- "we'd be getting pretty close to
the red zone."
|
This "red zone" talk
makes Hamilton Jordan red in the face. "Almost half the
people alive today will have cancer in their lifetimes,"
thunders Jordan, a four-time cancer survivor who served as
President Jimmy Carter's chief of staff. (As baby boomers
age, decreases in mortality from other diseases will drive
up cancer rates.) "That's a damn epidemic. And what are we
doing about it? If you went back and added up all the
budgets for the National Cancer Institute over the past
three decades, we spent as much money on cancer as we spend
in Iraq in nine months."
Von Eschenbach's gung-ho prognosis belies the kidney punch
recently delivered to the very scientists on whom he must
rely to meet his audacious goal. The day before Von
Eschenbach gave his glowing assessment, the executive branch
he serves proposed cutting the NCI's budget by $40 million,
to $4.75 billion, for fiscal year 2007. The NCI is one of 27
centers and institutes run by the National Institutes of
Health, whose budget was also decreased, for the first time
in 36 years. In the current environment, says Doug Ulman,
28, a three-time cancer survivor who is the chief mission
officer for the LAF, "people graduating from medical school
fellowships and residencies are saying, 'I can't go into
research. There's no money.'"
That may not change anytime soon, says Bush's more wonkish
predecessor, an ardent FOL (Friend of Lance) who says he
watched "almost every stage" of the 2005 Tour de France.
"Regardless of which party takes the Congress next fall, or
the White House in '08," says Bill Clinton, "we're stuck
with this big deficit [projected to be $3.3 trillion over
the next decade]. Even with a substantial change in policy,
there will still be an enormous set of gaps between what the
market will produce and what the government can provide. And
the nongovernmental sector has to step into those gaps."
A mention of the ubiquitous Armstrong-inspired yellow
wristbands triggers a Clintonian riff on how "the Internet
and mass marketing mechanisms have increased the power of
private citizens to do public good ... particularly if they
are well led, whether it is by Bono or Bill and Melinda
Gates or Lance Armstrong."
So this is what Armstrong does for an encore. This is the
next hors catιgorie mountain looming before him: raising
money, raising awareness, cajoling, bullying, shaming --
"making a significant difference in the battle against
what's going to be the Number 1 killer in America,"
Armstrong declares. "That's how I make seven yellow jerseys
look small."
 |
"Ten years from
now," says Clinton, "we may say Lance's second
career was greater than his first."
Bono, by the way, thinks Armstrong should run for
office. "Most people don't believe that the world
can be changed," the Irish rock star and political
activist says. "Lance is different. He understands
that hills can be climbed, and he isn't even
depressed when, upon reaching the summit of one, he
sees a larger one [ahead]. He's used to that. That's
what Lance Armstrong stands for."
Ixnay on politics, says Armstrong, who fears that
the moment he chooses a political side, he will
halve his influence. "I need to run for one office,"
he says, making up a title as he goes along, "the
presidency of the Cancer Fighters' Union of the
World."
He might have to wrest that title from Michael
Milken, a cancer survivor whose Prostate Cancer
Foundation has helped transform cancer research,
streamlining the grant process and requiring
recipients to share their research. According to the
National Center for Health Statistics, in 2003 there
were 369 fewer cancer deaths in the U.S. than the
previous year -- the first decrease in 70 years.
That's due in part to Milken, the former Wall Street
financier who spent 22 months in jail in the 1990s
for securities violations. Milken has smarts, money
and access to the corridors of power. What he does
not have, says the LAF's Ulman, is the ability "to
reach millions of people."
Unlike Armstrong, in other words, Milken is not
sitting on an army. The LAF has sold more than 60
million yellow livestrong wristbands. Armstrong and
his advisers are still thinking about how and when
they will mobilize that army -- whose ranks they
encourage you to swell by clicking on
www.livestrong.org. But when they do, says LAF
marketing director Dave Lyon, "we're going to have
an awfully big cannon to point."
|
Until then, Armstrong
is enjoying life, smothering his three children with
affection (they spend almost half their time with him; their
mother lives less than two miles away), mountain biking on
his ranch and doing homework: reading cancer literature and
debriefing experts on cancer-related issues. For every day
he has spent catching up on all the fun he missed over the
last 10 years -- at the Rose Bowl in early January,
Armstrong and fellow Texan Matthew McConaughey "tried to
pack a four-year undergraduate experience into 48 hours," a
friend recalls -- there is a day like Feb. 17, when the LAF
brought together some of the brightest minds in the fight
against cancer. The panelists were instructed to put all
options on the table and suspend disbelief. "Don't think
about what can't happen because of current realities," said
Ulman. "Think about what needs to happen in your field."
Armstrong scribbled notes and asked questions throughout the
day.
Armstrong could coast now, says Bono, his friend and mentor
... and a man who knows a little about leveraging celebrity
to do good. "But Lance wants to go back to school. And that
makes him very dangerous. When a great man goes back to
school, the Devil gets very depressed."
The devil is down there somewhere. Shortly after dark on
Jan. 24 Armstrong is looking out the window of a private jet
at the skyline of Las Vegas. He isn't crazy about the city;
he doesn't like to gamble. "I worked too hard for my money
to be throwing it away," he says -- a remark that sounds
funny coming from a man who will be paid $150,000 to deliver
a 30-minute speech to a group of Carrier air-conditioner
salesmen on the following afternoon.
The devil is down there somewhere. Shortly after dark on
Jan. 24 Armstrong is looking out the window of a private jet
at the skyline of Las Vegas. He isn't crazy about the city;
he doesn't like to gamble. "I worked too hard for my money
to be throwing it away," he says -- a remark that sounds
funny coming from a man who will be paid $150,000 to deliver
a 30-minute speech to a group of Carrier air-conditioner
salesmen on the following afternoon.
That's only one reason the man is not clipping coupons in
retirement. Nike has extended its longtime relationship with
Armstrong, Trek has conferred "athlete for life" status on
him, and other companies are lining up to cash in on his
aura. Most notable among them is American Century, the
Kansas City-based investment house that manages $100 billion
of assets and signed a three-year endorsement deal with
Armstrong in February. Armstrong is especially comfortable
with American Century: It is partly owned by the Stowers
Institute, which was founded by Jim and Virginia Stowers,
two cancer survivors who want to give their grandchildren,
in the words of institute cochairman Richard Brown, "better
choices for the treatment of illness and injury." After
investigating dozens of centers in hospitals and
universities around the country, and being turned off by
what Brown describes as the "heavily bureaucratic, very
expensive overhead layer of costs" often associated with
academic research, the Stowerses decided to build their own
institute.
It opened in November 2000. With its $2 billion endowment
and its promise to scientists that they can spend their time
doing research instead of writing grant proposals, "we have
achieved noteworthy success in a short period of time," says
Brown. "I'm certain we would qualify as candidates for
rookie of the year."
So when Armstrong teamed up with American Century, his
foundation linked up with the Stowers Institute, which
shares his scorn for red tape and his impatience for
breakthroughs. Brown was among the panelists invited to stir
the pot at that Feb. 17 roundtable. He left impressed by the
LAF's willingness to disrupt the status quo and by
Armstrong's qualifications to lead the fight. "Lance has
been in the darkest places a human can imagine," says Brown,
"and fought his way out."
The morning of his speech in Vegas, Armstrong calls a
reporter. He wants to go for a run. (He plans to run the New
York City Marathon in November.) "Lobby in half an hour," he
says. He arrives incognito in Cool Hand Luke shades and a
USDA Forest Service ball cap, a gift from some rangers in
the Angeles National Forest, where Armstrong did a photo
shoot for a Dasani water ad.
One strategy for running with someone much, much more fit
than you is to have him do most of the talking. I ask
Armstrong about his bike ride with President Bush last
August. Armstrong is one of the three members of the
President's Cancer Panel. During lunch at his ranch in
Crawford, Texas, Bush asked his guest what he needed in the
fight against the disease. Replied Armstrong, "A billion
dollars."
He followed that up with a letter to Bush in January
reminding the President of his request and suggesting "it's
time for a bold initiative to combat this disease which
kills 560,000 Americans every year." Attached was an outline
of the first steps in that initiative, a collaboration
between the LAF and the American Cancer Society. At the
bottom of the cover letter Armstrong dashed off a
handwritten note: "Let's get back on the bikes ASAP!"
"Karl Rove called the next day," says Armstrong. The
President's adviser praised Armstrong's initiative and said
the Bush Administration wanted to work with him but did not
promise any money.
This is the orbit in which Armstrong now travels. After this
morning's jog, he will have lunch with Steve Wynn, whose
name is on the side of the hotel in which we're staying, and
an orange-robed Tibetan monk whom Armstrong later will
describe as the "Dalai Lama's assistant." Over tuna tartare,
Armstrong plants a seed: He wonders about the possibility of
holding an LAF fund-raiser at Wynn's resort. These galas,
along with the sale of wristbands, are the foundation's
lifeblood: In one week last fall, LAF fund-raisers in Austin
and New York City took in $12 million.
Of course, while it's great to raise "a million or a hundred
million or 200 million," Armstrong will tell his audience of
Carrier reps this afternoon, "what we really need is the b
word, and that's billions." When Armstrong is involved,
there is always hope: The next day he is scheduled to speak
with White House budget director Joshua Bolten, who will
follow up Rove's call.
Just before 2 p.m. Armstrong is led down a corridor at the
MGM Grand -- the very corridor, he will soon tell his rapt
listeners, in which he was introduced to Sheryl Crow. Nine
days later he and Crow will officially break off their
five-month engagement. Two nights after that, during his
weekly Sirius satellite radio show, Armstrong will describe
Crow as "one of the wisest, most gifted people I've ever
met," a woman who showed him "a love that I never knew," and
he will play the song Letter to God, off her album
Wildflower, whose title song was inspired by Armstrong.
(On Feb. 24 Crow will reveal that she has breast cancer and
has undergone "minimally invasive" surgery. After 33
radiation treatments, according to her website, she plans to
begin touring on June 12.)
Waiting for Armstrong in the greenroom is a gaggle of
yellow-shirted Carrier executives, including Geraud Darnis,
the company president. "I grew up in France," he tells
Armstrong, hastily adding, "I am a big fan."
In the arena, after an introductory video, Armstrong strides
down a ramp to the lectern, which he doesn't need, since he
will speak without notes for the next 35 minutes. "I was a
little surprised when I found out that a French guy runs the
company," he tells the reps, whose laughter fills the room.
Armstrong is off and running even before unsheathing one of
the most powerful weapons in the fight against cancer: his
story. He transports his audience to the M.D. Anderson
Cancer Center in Houston, where a doctor pulled aside
Armstrong's mother, Linda, to tell her, "We don't think your
son's going to make it."
In his book It's Not About the Bike, Armstrong recalls how,
on that grim morning, the oncologist outlined a treatment
protocol involving the drug bleomycin, which would so damage
his lungs that he would not be able to race again.
Weeks earlier Armstrong had opened an unsolicited letter
from Steven Wolff, an oncologist at Vanderbilt's medical
center who happened to be a cycling buff. Armstrong recounts
in his book how Wolff urged him "in strong terms to get a
second opinion from Dr. Larry Einhorn at Indiana
University." Einhorn, Wolff explained, was the foremost
expert on testicular cancer.
Armstrong followed Wolff's advice, and in the end he bailed
on M.D. Anderson, one of the world's most highly regarded
cancer centers, in favor of the Indiana University Medical
Center in Indianapolis. There a colleague of Einhorn's named
Craig Nichols gave Armstrong "almost a coin flip of a
chance," then suggested a platinum-based chemotherapy
protocol that would not compromise his lungs. Armstrong also
had two lesions on his brain. While a standard treatment
would have been radiation, Nichols and his colleague Scott
Shapiro agreed that by excising the lesions instead, they
would run a much smaller risk of damaging his cycling
career.
By collaborating with his doctors and questioning them, by
occasionally interrupting and even overruling them and
generally making a nuisance of himself, Armstrong saved his
career -- and possibly his life. Von Eschenbach credits him
not just with giving hope to millions but also with
providing a template for cancer treatment.
"A lot of people in cancer are still looking for the magic
bullet," Von Eschenbach says. "Lance has demonstrated that
it's not magic. It's personal commitment, bringing all the
pieces together. There's no simple solution, but the
impossible can be possible."
To bring those pieces together, Armstrong asks many
questions. The video shown before his speech featured
six-year-old footage of the cyclist on an early spring
training ride up an alp called the Col de la Madeleine. It
was raining and cold. U.S. Postal Service Team director
Johan Bruyneel pulled alongside Armstrong in the follow car
and said, "There's snow six kilometers from the top,"
Bruyneel said.
"Huh?" Armstrong replied.
"You cannot pass."
"How much snow?"
"A lot. From an avalanche."
"What if I keep going?"
"You can't. Three meters of snow. Guy says there's no way
you can ride. No way."
"Who says that?"
And so on. This is how Armstrong rolls. By continuing to ask
questions long after most of us would have become resigned
to our fate, he eventually hears a palatable answer. Can
this persistence be annoying? Absolutely. But it is useful
in someone who intends nothing less than to change the
world.
In the end he and Bruyneel stopped before the avalanche
spot. Bruyneel told Armstrong to get in the car, told him he
was done for the day. Armstrong begged to differ. "I think
I'm going to ride a little more," he said, "go down 10K and
come back."
As the Texan vanished down the mountain, Bruyneel stood in
the rain, his grin cutting the gloom. "That's what it takes
to win the Tour," he said. "Training in this weather. Nobody
sees that."
Doug Ulman was sitting in his dorm room at Brown in October
1997 when he got an e-mail from a stranger: I just wanted to
let you know that, as athletes, we have a lot in common.
I've just started the Lance Armstrong Foundation. I know you
have your own organization; if there's any way we can work
together, let me know.
Doctors had told Ulman in August 1996 that he had a rare
form of cartilage cancer. Rather than undergo chemo, he had
part of his rib cage removed. "When I was diagnosed," he
recalls, "I couldn't find any other people between 15 and 35
who had cancer." So he started the Ulman Cancer Fund for
Young Adults.
Ulman received two more cancer diagnoses over the next 10
months. Both times it was malignant melanoma; both times it
was successfully excised. Despite these scares, Ulman helped
Brown win three Ivy League soccer titles in four years. In
2001 he was hired by Armstrong, who describes him as
"arguably the brightest young mind in this fight" and who
cheerfully tolerates his chief mission officer's single
shortcoming: Ulman is afraid to fly. He can bring himself to
do it, but just barely. Early in the flight from Vegas back
to Austin on Jan. 25 Armstrong asks the pilot to swing low
over the Hoover Dam. The pilot takes a hard left, dipping
the wing sharply, pinning the passengers to their seats and
inducing near panic in Ulman, who shouts, "What's happening?
Why are we doing this?"
Once the plane levels off, Ulman -- having regained his
composure and natural color -- approaches Armstrong. The
LAF's Washington-based lobbying firm has put together a
dossier on Bolten, with whom they'll speak the next day.
"Let's see," says Ulman. "Supposed to be a really nice
guy.... He was executive director of legal and government
affairs at Goldman Sachs in London.... Works till
midnight.... Went to Princeton.... Likes motorcycles. Loves
to bowl."
Armstrong nods. Considering the cost of the war in Iraq and
the reconstruction of New Orleans, he doesn't expect much
from the White House. And that's getting him worked up.
"We're talking 1,500 people a day [dying from cancer], and
it's not even on the political radar," he says. The problem,
he goes on, "has been around so long, people have grown
accustomed to it. They say, 'It's a shame. He was 75, he had
prostate cancer, he didn't make it, but he had a good life.'
Well, bulls---! He could've been 90 and been to another
graduation, met his great-grandchildren."
Why is Armstrong so qualified to lead in this fight? Bono
puts it this way: "We need winners advocating for the poor
and the vulnerable. We need people who hate losing. Lance
hates losing."
The voice on the speakerphone is Bolten's. He tells
Armstrong and Ulman, who later summarize the call for SI,
that he knows how much President Bush values his
relationship with Armstrong. However, he says, "I cannot
give you encouragement about what's in the '07 budget."
"Yeah," says Armstrong. "We had a feeling."
Bolten explains how long it takes to get a line item in the
budget and says this budget was basically "written by
September."
"That's why we asked in August," Armstrong replies.
Armstrong is sitting at a conference table in the offices of
his foundation. At the far end of the table are
four-year-old twins coloring furiously. Grace and Isabelle
Armstrong are in the house.
Bolten is gracious as he explains how Hurricane Katrina
eliminated any "flexibility" the Administration might have
had in its budget. He repeatedly compliments Armstrong on
the initiative the LAF sent to the White House. Bolten
suggests a "dialogue" between the Administration and the LAF.
After all, it won't be long before preparations for the '08
budget begin. (Ulman and Armstrong will travel to D.C. to
meet with Bolten on March 28, the same day the White House
announces that Bolten will become the President's new chief
of staff. Bolten still makes the meeting.)
When Bolten tells Armstrong that he admires "what you do and
how you do it," the Texan thanks, then browbeats him: "This
should be a priority for everybody. The problem is too big,
and it's only going to get bigger. I know there's Iraq and
Afghanistan and Katrina, but this is more important."
In a smaller, more spartan office down the hall, Dave Lyon
is going about his new job as the LAF's marketing director.
He is in his third month with the foundation. Before that
he'd spent 14 years as president of Texas-based TM
Advertising. "You can only sell so many cars, so many bags
of chips," he says. His face, ascetic in appearance -- the
face of a monk or a marathoner -- lights up when he smiles.
"Lance is not about incremental progress," Lyon says. "He
wants to do something disruptive in this fight. Meaning,
very big." Lyon wouldn't have left his plush advertising gig
to work for someone who wasn't ready to break some crockery.
On March 27, 2005, Easter Sunday, his daughter Meredith died
of a cancer called neurofibrosarcoma. She fought the disease
for nearly a year. Meredith Lyon had just turned 15.
Before dying, she endured seven surgeries, two of which
lasted 12 hours, at M.D. Anderson. Lyon remembers hunkering
down in the waiting room before one of those ordeals. "We
were just another family sitting in the corner, trying to
brace ourselves," he recalls. "All of a sudden, the top
officers from the hospital started showing up, asking us if
there was anything they could do."
Lyon had met Armstrong briefly while working on a Subaru ad.
"We weren't very close," Lyon says, "but he reached out as
if we were family." Armstrong -- who, despite having
rejected M.D. Anderson's treatment plan in 1996, has a good
relationship with the hospital -- had "called the very top
[people at] the hospital to make sure we had what we
needed," Lyon says.
"When you go through an experience like that, you learn an
enormous amount," Lyon continues. "So when the lights go
out, you realize: I have knowledge I can apply. Where do I
put all this fight I still have in me?"
He is putting it into his new job, which consists of
locating, then activating the legions of like-minded people
wearing yellow wristbands. "Sixty million people have raised
their hands in solidarity with Lance," Lyon says. "These
people want to be told what they can do. They want to make a
difference." Ex-ad guy that he is, Lyon has distilled their
yearning into a pithy phrase. "What they're looking for," he
says, "is the Next Right Thing."
Up the hall Armstrong is pondering how to respond to the
Bolten teleconference. Does he call out the Bush
Administration or hope that a year from now, when it's time
to announce the '08 budget, the President does right by his
fellow Texan?
Hamilton Jordan, for one, believes it's time for the army to
affix bayonets. Jordan, who sits on the LAF's board, says,
"You ask the American people, What's your greatest fear?
It's not terrorism. It's not crime. It's cancer. And it's a
rational fear. I'm not saying don't talk with Josh Bolten.
But they oughta be getting the damn army geared up too."
Back on the freeway, behind the wheel of that sleek and
sinister-looking Beemer, the head of that army is sounding
bellicose. The $146 million raised by his foundation is all
well and good, he allows. "But to find a cure, you're into
government money." To affect policy, he says, "you've got to
vote as a bloc. If we have an army of five million speaking
with one voice -- that's real power. We should make the NRA
look like the Tiddledywinks Association of America."
It is Friday. After flying from Los Angeles to Vegas on
Tuesday and Vegas to Austin on Wednesday, Armstrong will
head back to the airport. He is due in Ojai, Calif., for a
sponsors' dinner for the Discovery Channel cycling team. "I
need to be more retired," he says. In truth, he does not
seem worn out. He seems energized and engaged -- liberated,
at long last, to take on his life's work.
Before driving to the airport, he conducts a brief tour of
the house next door, which he sometimes calls the Money Pit:
the home that he and his children will soon occupy. The high
point of the tour, for Armstrong, is the bedroom of his son,
Luke. Its walls are adorned with dinosaurs: a pterodactyl, a
triceratops, a T-Rex whose dull eyes and obvious voracity
recall Armstrong's former cycling rival Alexander Vinokourov.
"My son," he says, "has the coolest room of any six-year-old
in the world."
The spacious house is luxurious in an unostentatious way. In
the front yard, serving as a counterweight to the mansion's
spanking brand-newness, is a massive oak, a tree that
appears to have been on that spot for at least a century.
Appearances, in this case, are deceiving. "That tree right
there?" Armstrong says. "Used to be over there." He points
to a lot 200 yards away. Arborists jacked it up with
hydraulic lifts, slid a flatbed under it and rolled it over
to its new home.
"I can't believe that was an option," says a visitor, and
Armstrong responds in a tone suggesting the visitor has not
been paying attention: "C'mon, man. Everything's an option."
.
THE WINNERS OF THE MAY 2006 LOGIC PUZZLE - THE
BOOKS OF CHARLES DICKENS
2006 May: Charles Dickens
1. Anita Leung (11 months in a row!)
2. Randy Piniola (2 months in a row!)
3. Ann Faget (29 months in a row!)
4. Susan Arevalo (28 months in a row!)
5. Ritesh Laud (21 months in a row!)
It was the return of the usual suspects for the May SSQQ
Logic Puzzle. Not one newcomer to the bunch. I guess the
only logical conclusion to make is that there are no smart
people among the studio's newcomers, wouldn't you all agree?
In the meantime, hats off to our five winners!
..
THE JUNE 2006 LOGIC PUZZLE - THE MORNING DANCE
CLASSES
At our imaginary morning location, SSQQ has added a new
daytime Ballroom dance program each morning Monday through
Friday. The idea is to take a different Beginner-level
Ballroom dance class each day of the week: Swing, Tango,
Waltz, Foxtrot, and Cha Cha.
Each student takes the five different dances in any order
they wish as long as each student takes all five. To fit a
busy schedule, the student could take their class at several
different times: 9 am, 10 am, 11 am, or noon.
Your job is to figure out which day the students take their
dance classes. This is another difficult logic puzzle. Based
on last month's results (see above), it is undoubtedly FAR
TOO DIFFICULT for anyone who is taking classes here in the
evening.
Hopefully our Usual Logic Suspects will be able to solve the
puzzle until I can find an EASY ONE for people who are new
to the studio.
http://ssqq.com/archive/logicpuzzle.htm
..
COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH ONE - THE BASEBALL LOGIC
PUZZLE
(Editors Note - Over the years, I have published over 30
logic puzzles on the SSQQ web site. I do not supply the
answers. Instead people email me their answers and I confirm
them. Then I list their names as part of each Newsletter and
tell the world how smart they are.
This next email exchange involves some man who is the
president of a company. He emailed me I assume for the
reason of receiving the answers to one of my logic puzzles
called "The Baseball Puzzle". If you are actually curious,
here is the puzzle:
http://ssqq.com/archive/logicpuzzle03.htm
It is one of the first puzzles I ever listed. It goes all
the way back to 2003.
The puzzle says very clearly to email me the name of the
First Baseman and I will confirm. That is all there is to
it. It is a very simple system.
You can pick up the story from here.)
-----Original Message-----
From: M D
Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2006 7:55 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject: Baseball Puzzle
I have found various answers to this puzzle as to who play's
all positions. Do you know the CORRECT answer?
M D
President, QMR & UTICA
----- Original Message -----
From: Rick Archer
To: M D
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2006 11:50 AM
Subject: RE: Baseball Puzzle
Do you have nothing better to do than ask a total stranger
if he "knows" the answer?
-----Original Message-----
From: M D
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2006 12:03 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Re: Baseball Puzzle
You don't want people asking the "answer" then you may want
to remove your name from the website that says "click here
for answer", which directs the question directly to YOU!!!!
----- Original Message -----
From: Rick Archer
To: MD
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2006 2:52 PM
Subject: RE: Baseball Puzzle
You didn't ask for the answer, now did you?? Instead you
wanted to jerk my chain with your stupid question.
Quit wasting my time.
-----Original Message-----
From: M D
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2006 2:24 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Re: Baseball Puzzle
My 10 year old son was trying to find the correct answer to
see if he got the riddle correct. Last night we typed you
this question "Do you know the CORRECT answer?" That looks
to me like asking if you know the answer.
Don't bother answering, and thanks for being such a
wonderful American!!!
----- Original Message -----
From: Rick Archer
To: MD
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2006 7:41 PM
Subject: RE: Baseball Puzzle
Of course I know the answer. You didn't ask for the answer!!
You STILL haven't asked for the answer.
It is a shame you have no mastery of the English language.
It must be difficult for you to ask a simple question.
The puzzle directs you to send me the name of the First
Baseman.
That was obviously too challenging an instruction for you.
And now my patriotism is called into question. How does that
follow? Logic may not be your strength.
-----Original Message-----
From: MD
Sent: Thursday, February 23, 2006 7:24 AM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Re: Baseball Puzzle
You are truly a simple minded bitter little boy aren't you!
You think I'm asking you for the answer.
You have obvious problems with the English language. I
simply asked if you "know the CORRECT" answer, which you
obviously don't.
You probably still think Harry is the pitcher. THAT'S BEEN
PROVEN WRONG!!!
You think he's the pitcher because you don't understand the
English Language. Read the riddle again!!!!
Actually don't bother, because your clearly too simple
minded to understand how he's NOT the pitcher!!
Another hint, Allen is NOT the Catcher either!!
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer mailto:dance@ssqq.com
Sent: Thursday, February 23, 2006 10:10 AM
To: MD
Subject: complaint of the month Baseball Puzzle
First you waste my time by asking if I know the answer, then
you question my patriotism, then you accuse me of being
simple-minded, and now you are telling me how to solve the
puzzle without being asked.
Then you state I have problems with the English language
when it is obvious to anyone I have an excellent command of
the English language. If you are so smart, in what way do I
have trouble with the English language?
Why don't you simply admit you asked a stupid question to
begin with?
And now I have a question for you, Michael. If you aren't
asking me for the answer, what is it you really want? Do you
just pick websites at random and enjoy insulting complete
strangers?
COMPLAINT OF THE MONTH TWO - A STUDENT DOES NOT WISH TO
SWITCH PARTNERS
-----Original Message-----
From: M D
Sent: Monday, May 22, 2006 10:48 AM
To: onlineregistration@ssqq.com
Subject: Re: SSQQ Walk-in Registration Confirmation for D M
After attending your class several sessions, I want you to
know how wonderful it is to have something I enjoy doing
with my spouse. I have learned so much in (blank's) class.
She is a great teacher and makes the class enjoyable. I do
have a concern and would like to share it with management. I
am in class on (blank). I do not mind if someone would pull
me out towards the end of class to discuss my concern.
Your Student, DM
(Editor's Note: Recently I noticed our Hall Monitor engaged
in a fifteen-minute conversation with the student who sent
the email above. Apparently the student was not satisfied
with the explanation because this email was sent a few days
later.)
-----Original Message-----
From: M D
Sent: Friday, May 26, 2006 12:05 AM
To: onlineregistration@ssqq.com
Subject: Re: SSQQ Walk-in Registration Confirmation for D M
I do not care much for switching partners during the dance
sessions. I believe that if I take a partner to learn with
and another woman does NOT why should I be left alone to
dance while someone is dancing with my husband.
The class I was in on the 3rd session I danced by myself
about 8-10 times on my own, and the other sessions about
5-7. I understand that it's a business and if you demand
other women to take partners you would loose financially.
You see I am an oral surgeon and take time out to do
something with my husband after months and months of
discussing this so we could relax together and do something
enjoyable.
I am 5l and do not wish to dance with other husbands or
single men, I believe that it just causes problems for I
have talked to several couples in the hospital about my
adventure with ssqq and surprisingly I was not alone.
Please don't get me wrong I think your classes are wonderful
and will continue to attend I just don't believe that you
should make it mandatory to have to SWAP. There are still
couples that enjoy dancing with each other and not others.
Therefore we are interested in your one-one classes, private
lessons, I am not sure what you call them please send me
information so we can register for them. Again thanks, a
couple that loves to learn and dance with each other. D M
RICK'S RESPONSE: At SSQQ Dance Studio, we have Group Classes
and we have Private Lessons. At our Group Classes, we insist
that people switch partners. This is mandatory.
This Rule is posted in many places including on everyone's
receipt.
I certainly can understand that not everyone likes this
rule. Certainly this student has a legitimate right to
prefer to dance with her husband. I don't have any problem
with her position, but I still expect her to follow the
rules.
If we allowed her to have her way, the Group Spirit of the
Group Class would come to a grinding halt. This is not my
imagination or a catastrophic fantasy. It is the truth. I
have not only seen this phenomenon before, I have documented
it as well.
Please read the story called "A Group Class Disintegrates
Before My very Eyes."
http://www.ssqq.com/stories/ssqq4.htm
Here is a brief excerpt
from this article:
"I was so disgusted I vowed that from
now on even if I had to ask people to leave the class and
refund tuition, I would rather do that than have people
refuse to switch.
Most people do not mind "sharing", but if even one couple
doesn't switch, then the selfish side of human nature is
tempted to appear. From now on I wasn't going to give anyone
a choice. This incident convinced me that for our Group
Classes to work, switching is necessary."
There was a time when I would have engaged this student in a
thirty-minute debate over these issues. No more. I have
written enough on this subject. As the Hall Monitor
explained, Group Classes have Rules. No one expects you to
the Rules, but you must respect them. If you desire an
explanation, go visit the SSQQ Web Site.
You will discover I have already written a book on every
subject you can think of.
If after reading the Web Site explanations you still refuse
to accept the Rules for Group Classes, then you are invited
to consider Private Lessons.
http://ssqq.com/information/privatelesson.htm
2006 JOKE PICTURE - THE WORLD'S TALLEST WOMAN
Milt Oglesby submitted the June Joke Picture. My friend
Gerald McEathron sent it to Milt, so I figure they can share
the credit. Other people have sent me the same email that is
featured this month, but I can't keep track so I will simply
credit Milt and Gerald and be done with it.
This month's picture is not funny as much as it is freakish.
It is the picture of a seven and a half foot woman who is
built like Sophia Loren in her prime. If you are a
red-blooded American boy, this is a sight for you to see. If
you are a red-blooded American girl, you are likely to be
amused as well.
http://www.ssqq.com/jokes/jokepicture.htm
CURRENT JOKES AND HALL OF FAME JOKES
June Hall
of Fame Jokes
June CS 01: Mom's
Driver's License - Gary Richardson
June CS 02: Sunbathing Nude - Leslie Wagner
June CS 03: Son in College - Reza Taherian
June CS 04: Father and Son - Rick Archer
June CS 05: Understanding Engineers - Jill Banta
June CS 06: The Blonde and the Highway Patrolman -
Hieronymous Anonymous
June CS 07: Engineers Are Smarter Than Lawyers - Jill Banta
June CS 08: The Beautiful Senorita - Gary Richardson
June CS 09: Wild, Wild West - Sylvia Key
June CS 10: Three Turtles - Patty Jones
June CS 11: The Hero and the Biker Gang - Donna Ruth
June CS 12: Catholic Mothers Bragging about their Sons - Jon
Holverson
June CS 13: Ten Dollars is Ten Dollars - Ann Bush
June CS 14: Sleepless in Seattle - Patty Jones
June CS 15: Better Work on Your Short Game - Joanne
Armstrong
June CS 16: Clinton and the Sooey Pigs - Mary Collins
June CS 17: The Mistress - Ralph Volz and Patty Jones
June CS 18: The Dog Who Liked Football - Sharon Russell
June CS 19: The Sailor Finds a Room - Sharon Russell
June CS 20: Signs Seen in Hotels Around the World - Michael
Yount
June CS 21: Aggie Funeral Director - Kathleen Parker
June CS 22: The Hearing Aid - Mike Guillory
June CS 23: The Lawn Mower - Mike Guillory
June CS 24: The Fishing Trip - Mike Guillory
June CS 25: Judgment Day - Mike Guillory and Pat Roberts
June CS 26: Cannibal Dinner Plans - Joseph Stuteville
June CS 27: The Pope and the Chauffeur - Joseph Stuteville
June CS 28: The Catholic School - Leroy Ginzel
June CS 29: Mood Swings - Judy Walsh
June CS 30: Colored Folks - Leroy Ginzel
June CS 31: A Father-Daughter Talk About Politics - Chris
Holmes
June CS 32: Why Men Lie - Tom Huddleston
June CS 33: A Frenchman, a German, and an Englishman - Chris
Holmes
June CS 34: Saddam - Lynn Griffiths
June CS 35: Father Explains Condoms to His Son - Judy Walsh
June CS 36: Boys Night Out - Anita Williams
June CS 37: Girls Night Out Chris Holmes
June CS 38: Time to Call CSI Maureen Brunetti
June CS 39: Shortest Joke of the Year Judy Walsh
June CS 40: Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer Chris
Holmes
Best New Jokes
My
special Thanks to the following people for contributing
the jokes
listed below:
6 kinds of sex - Sam
Longoria
The Mental Asylum - Loni Lewellyn
The Good Ole Boys - Milt Oglesby
California Then and Now - Gary
Richardson
Subject: Clever Book Report - Carla
Upchurch and Phyllis Porter
Dennis and the IRS - Loni Lewellyn
The Goldfish - Chris Holmes
Things Kids Say - Dakota Wilhelm
Leroy's Favorite Leroy Joke - Leroy
Ginzel
Living to a Ripe Old Age - Abbie
Barbley
Community Property - Carol Gafford
Old Henry - Paul Eustace
Osama Writes George a Letter - Milt
Oglesby
Bill and the Pickle Factory - Milt
Oglesby
The Restaurant - Milt Oglesby
Church Bells - Milt Oglesby
Six Classic Affairs - Lynn Griffiths
Things to Say When Caught Sleeping at
Your Desk - Abbie Barbley
Three Thoughts - Bett Sundermeyer
Akelaah and the Spelling Bee - Paul
Havlak
Ole and Lena - Lynn Griffiths
THE SSQQ WEBSITE IS BEING BLOCKED BY CORPORATION WEB
CENSORS
(Editor's Note: It appears that access to the SSQQ Web Site
is increasingly being denied to people at their places of
work, probably due to the presence of some pretty wonderful
jokes with naughty themes like the ones above.
Here are two examples of this disturbing phenomenon. )
EXAMPLE ONE
-----Original Message-----
From: G G
Sent: Thursday, August 04, 2005 6:03 PM
To: 'Rick Archer'
Subject: RE: August 2005 Newsletter
Oh My Gosh, Rick, our company internet police have struck
again! This is what I got when I tried to check out SSQQ's
site:
"ACCESS DENIED TO INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT"
Strangely enough, it does let the registration pages thru,
but not your main page. Weird! I was able to get to the
https://www153.ssldomain.com/ssqq/, but not the
jokes...I will have to send it to my home...will take care
of it.
G G
EXAMPLE TWO
-----Original Message-----
From: S.U.
Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2006 3:23 PM
To: dance@ssqq.com
Subject:F.Y.I. - WWW.SSQQ.COM BEING RESTRICTED "OFF LIMITS"
Rick,
Just thought I would let you know that my wife and I are no
longer able to access your SSQQ website from our jobs
computer because of the content of the website due to (as I
understand it) the web police convicted you of "morally
offensive humor" (i.e. not P.C.) The most negative impact I
know of from this situation is that we can't do online
registration from work. Since we are not at home on the pc
there very much, this is an inconvenience.
Plus I was just trying to show the website & online
registration to a lady I work with who, with her husband,
have been talking about taking lessons for several months.
But the website couldn't be accessed.
This restriction may also have been made by the nationwide
web police which means that those of us with the web
browsers (MS Internet Explorer) set to exclude
"questionable" websites will not connect either.
A suggestion: Make a second website to hold the photos and
jokes, etc but have one website strictly for your business.
Considering WWW.SSQQ.COM has already been branded, you might
think about bringing a new one up for the business ("WWW.SSQQDANCE.COM"
might work?)
Good Luck, S.U.
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 7:38 AM
To: SU
Subject: RE: F.Y.I. - WWW.SSQQ.COM BEING RESTRICTED "OFF
LIMITS"
Good grief. I don't even begin to know what to say. I guess
its true that my web site is slutty after all. ;-)
Well, tough.
There might be a simple way around it. The Online
Registration is at a different site.
See if you can access it from work.
https://www153.ssldomain.com/ssqq/register/
-----Original Message-----
From: SU
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 10:06 AM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: RE: F.Y.I. - WWW.SSQQ.COM BEING RESTRICTED "OFF
LIMITS"
Thanks, Rick.
I can access the registration directly.
That works fine.
S.U.
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 10:51 AM
To: SU
Subject: RE: F.Y.I. - WWW.SSQQ.COM BEING RESTRICTED "OFF
LIMITS"
And thank you for telling me. That was disturbing news, but
I will live.
Besides, people have a way of getting around censors. No one
likes Big
Brother telling them what to read and see. You know and I
know the ssqq web
site is a little naughty, but mostly it is good, clean fun.
RICK'S POINT OF VIEW ON THE SSQQ WEB SITE
Although I am alarmed that the SSQQ Web Site is falling prey
to corporate censors, I don't see what good it is going to
do to fight the problem.
I suppose the number one problem is our Jokes page, but
seven years of the SSQQ Newsletter has plenty of risquι
stories and references as well. And maybe I shouldn't
tell anyone about some of the pictures from our Mardi Gras
Cruise Trip either.
The entire problem is incredibly pervasive. I have people
who email me begging me to remove pictures of them in
bathing suits and belly dance outfits from Cruise write-ups
and Halloween pictures. One woman who became a Christian
thought a five-year old cruise picture revealed too much. I
took a look and thought she was out of her mind. Another
woman got an important teaching job only to find one her new
students googled and oogled over teacher and her belly dance
outfit. She asked me to remove that too.
On the other hand, one lady said she got more business for
her dermatology practice after a potential client saw her
and her husband place in the Top 10 for our Halloween
costume contest. Win some, lose some.
Thanks to Google, apparently no one can hide from the
excesses of having good, clean fun.
I would appreciate if other people would email me to report
further cases of censorship. If anyone has any advice or
suggestions about this problem, please let me know.
I have a question: Do you think I should clean up the SSQQ
web site or just let the Corporate Web Censors have their
way?
And if I do decide it isn't worth changing the web
site to make the Internet Police happy, do you think I
should add the infamous Blue Side Jokes to our regular Joke
Page?
This is YOUR NEWSLETTER too. It will not succeed without the
support of the people who read it. So I would appreciate any
opinions and input. Your responses will be kept private. I
may reprint them, but I will never use your name.
MYSTERY SOLVED - MARA'S BLACK DRESS HAS SURFACED!!
In last month's Newsletter, I ran an article about two
missing items of clothing. Here is a reprint from the May
Newsletter:
IQBAL'S COAT AND MARA'S SLEAZY DRESS (May 2006)
Oddly enough, we have had two articles of clothing go AWOL
so far this year.
"At the 2006 New Years Party, Iqbal Nagji discovered his
coat was missing. On further inspection, he found another
coat that was practically identical in appearance, but
didn't fit. It is very likely that someone accidentally
switched coats. The "wrong coat" hangs in my DJ booth at the
studio in case someone reads this story and puts 2 and 2
together.
One year ago Mara Rivas loaned Marla Archer a black satin
tie-up-front sleeveless "Sleazy Dress" for the April 2005
Sleazy Bar Party. Unfortunately Marla didn't feel
comfortable wearing it, so she hung it in the studio's
office next to the TV and wore something else. Neither woman
gave the dress much thought until the 2006 Sleazy Bar Party.
When Marla went to look for it in the office, it was gone.
Perhaps the borrower will return it."
(Editor's Note: Last year, there was
certain woman on our Rita Rhapsody cruise trip that skated
right on the edge of verbal self-destruction on more than
one occasion. I was certain this woman would cross that edge
and say something during the Rhapsody Trip that would surely
cross the line so blatantly that I would have marvelous
fodder for my Cruise Writeup.
Alas, along came Hurricane Rita that devastated all of our
spirits so greatly that none of us misbehaved except Phyllis
because we didn't have the strength. This is how I believed
the silver-tongued devil avoided my trap.
However, this year no hurricane is in sight. As the cruise
draws nearer, the troublemakers are starting to stir again.
I think this time I have the evidence I have been waiting
over a year for.
Occasionally I obscure identities in order to protect the
innocent, but I don't think this lady is particularly
innocent of anything. In fact, I think she loves to get in
trouble! I will call her by her code name JAN, short for
'Juicy And Naughty'.)
-----Original Message-----
From: Jan
Sent: Friday, May 26, 2006 11:49 AM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: repeat classes
Hello, Rick.
While signing Bob and myself up for repeat advanced swing
classes with Patty-O, I thought I checked the repeat-class
buttons, but evidently I did not and when I printed our
receipts saw that we were paying full price. Not that the
class isn't worth it, but is there a way to pay the repeat
class price without a big hassle for anyone?
If it's a hassle, we are glad to pay for my mistake and I'll
be more careful next time. Patty-O is worth the full price
and we plan to fully enjoy her class.
By the way
about that missing black dress
I'm thinking it might've been my husband Bob who took it
because the last time I saw him in a basic black dress, it
didn't at all fit.
Looking forward to the cruise, Jan
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick Archer
Sent: Friday, May 26, 2006 2:09 PM
To: j milz
Subject: RE: repeat classes
Jan, is that you? My, how I have missed your sharp-tongued
wit!
The Mystery of the Black Dress solved! Thank goodness. Ask
Bob to bring the dress along for the Rhapsody Cruise and
consider wearing it to Formal Night.
Re the Mystery of the Repeat Class, your class history says
you took Adv Swing Jitterbug Roman Numeral I and this
month's class is Roman Numeral II. Therein lies the rub.
Ask anyone - particularly the Intermediate Salsa students -
and they will tell you those Roman Numerals are probably the
only reason we stay in business.
If money is a problem, I will be happy to consider
discounting the price just as long as you continue to reveal
further secrets of your handsome cross-dressing husband.
Do you think Bob would be interested in wearing the dress at
the Rhapsody Drag Show?
-----Original Message-----
From: jan
Sent: Friday, May 26, 2006 2:27 PM
To: Rick Archer
Subject: Re: repeat classes
Aaaah. Roman Numerals. Who'd a thunk? I'll be on the lookout
next time. Thanks for the heads up.
By the way, Phyllis and I are putting together another bus
trip to and from Mara's apt. for the cruise. Please feel
free to mention this to anyone who is going. We've got a bus
lined up and it has a bathroom!
But I haven't booked it yet; waiting for passengers to
commit with hard cash, and we'll be talking about it at
Monday classes. The bathroom is necessary on account of the
Mimosas we drink aaall the way to Galveston.
I haven't yet mentioned to Bob my suspicions concerning The
Dress. He might balk at the thought it didn't hang well, and
saying so might sound cruel. You know?
Jan
(Editor's Note: This is beginning to read like an episode
from "I Love Lucy". I'm sure Bob will LOVE seeing this story
in the SSQQ Newsletter. No wonder my web site has such a
terrible reputation!!
My guess is if Jan can persuade Bob to wear the dress on the
bus, it will sell out all remaining space swiftly. She just
needs to take me up on my sure-fire marketing tips.)
..
And that's a wrap for June.
Thanks for reading this month's issue of the SSQQ
Newsletter! Sorry it is so slutty as usual.
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